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Sweeter than Revenge: Overcoming Your Payback Mind
When you feel you have been wronged, the urge to retaliate can feel overwhelming and justified. In this groundbreaking work, acclaimed author and psychotherapist David Richo explores the complex dynamics of retaliation, offering profound insights into why we seek revenge and practices to help us break free from this destructive cycle.
Sweeter than Revenge delves deeply into one of humanity’s most instinctive yet destructive the urge to strike back when we feel wronged. Drawing from psychology, principles of emotional intelligence, Christian and Buddhist teachings, and years of therapeutic expertise, Richo illuminates the web of emotions and triggers that drive retaliatory behavior. He challenges readers to examine their own patterns of retaliation and provides practical tools for responding to conflict with wisdom rather than reactivity.
Revenge happens in any human relationship, even intimate ones. Through compelling insights and actionable strategies, Richo guides us in understanding how to transform vengeful impulses into opportunities for growth and healing. Whether dealing with personal relationships, workplace dynamics, or internal struggles, this book offers a revolutionary framework for moving beyond the primitive urge for revenge toward more enlightened responses. We may not be able to eliminate our impulse to retaliate, but we can stop acting on it.
Readers will discover powerful techniques for managing anger, developing emotional resilience, and fostering genuine forgiveness. Through real-world examples and exercises, this book illuminates the path from reactive behavior to conscious response.
Sweeter than Revenge is an essential read for anyone seeking to be freed from destructive patterns and cultivate more constructive ways of handling life’s inevitable conflicts.
Sweeter than Revenge delves deeply into one of humanity’s most instinctive yet destructive the urge to strike back when we feel wronged. Drawing from psychology, principles of emotional intelligence, Christian and Buddhist teachings, and years of therapeutic expertise, Richo illuminates the web of emotions and triggers that drive retaliatory behavior. He challenges readers to examine their own patterns of retaliation and provides practical tools for responding to conflict with wisdom rather than reactivity.
Revenge happens in any human relationship, even intimate ones. Through compelling insights and actionable strategies, Richo guides us in understanding how to transform vengeful impulses into opportunities for growth and healing. Whether dealing with personal relationships, workplace dynamics, or internal struggles, this book offers a revolutionary framework for moving beyond the primitive urge for revenge toward more enlightened responses. We may not be able to eliminate our impulse to retaliate, but we can stop acting on it.
Readers will discover powerful techniques for managing anger, developing emotional resilience, and fostering genuine forgiveness. Through real-world examples and exercises, this book illuminates the path from reactive behavior to conscious response.
Sweeter than Revenge is an essential read for anyone seeking to be freed from destructive patterns and cultivate more constructive ways of handling life’s inevitable conflicts.
200 pages, Paperback
Published November 11, 2025
5 people are currently reading
1818 people want to read
About the author
David Richo
88 books535 followersDavid Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth.
He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.
Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Lovingand The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.
Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.
He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.
Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Lovingand The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.
Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
November 29, 2025
Sweeter than Revenge: Overcoming Your Payback Mind by David Richo is a spiritual/self-help book that felt transformative.
The idea that when hurt, I want to hurt back was not a revolutionary one but I had no idea how extensive that kind of thinking permeates me, even in my most important, "loving" relationships.
I aim to forgive insults, I try never to take action on vengeful thoughts, but sometimes my squashed and/or denied wishes come out sideways. Richo's naming of the many often subtle way the desire to "pay back" hurts, perceived or real, is penetrating and wide-ranging.
He gives many examples of the ways this kind of thought desires, and sometimes actions appear in us--and I winced at the many ways I identified with these examples.
But Richo also provides profound and convincing, albeit not revolutionary, reason why this behavior ultimately harms ourselves. he quotes the old saying that resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
But after his loving but ruthless exposure of these kind of behaviors and the cost we (and ultimately the worled) pay for them, he offers many suggestions for how to address them.
Ultimately, what I was most struck by and most want to attain is not so much forgiving particular experiences but a "forgiving attitude" toward everybody. It is not so much a noble act of forgiving but of letting go of the ego that is hurt by the other. Without the ego, there is nothing to be hurt.
Of course, letting go of resentment and seeing the person behind the act (or acts) with compassion does not mean staying in the line of fire of ongoing abuse. But protecting ourselves can mean removing ourselves from the relationship without nurturing a heart of vengeance.
At the end, Richo provides several pages of quotes to meditate upon. i found these particularly helpful.
Richo writes of his first religious experience and call to vocation in his 20s and his second, this call to let go of the desire to retaliate in his 50s. As I read this, I felt discouraged, thinking I'm too old to achieve this state (after having worked for decades anyway to let go of ego and resentments) but he offers encouragement and offers the hope that it is never too late.
Although as I said I have struggled for a long time to be resentment-free this book offered new inspiration and tools to make more progress. It gave me a different way of looking at this desire. Maybe most importantly, it made me far more aware of the ways in which this desire can manifest.
I received an ad
The idea that when hurt, I want to hurt back was not a revolutionary one but I had no idea how extensive that kind of thinking permeates me, even in my most important, "loving" relationships.
I aim to forgive insults, I try never to take action on vengeful thoughts, but sometimes my squashed and/or denied wishes come out sideways. Richo's naming of the many often subtle way the desire to "pay back" hurts, perceived or real, is penetrating and wide-ranging.
He gives many examples of the ways this kind of thought desires, and sometimes actions appear in us--and I winced at the many ways I identified with these examples.
But Richo also provides profound and convincing, albeit not revolutionary, reason why this behavior ultimately harms ourselves. he quotes the old saying that resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
But after his loving but ruthless exposure of these kind of behaviors and the cost we (and ultimately the worled) pay for them, he offers many suggestions for how to address them.
Ultimately, what I was most struck by and most want to attain is not so much forgiving particular experiences but a "forgiving attitude" toward everybody. It is not so much a noble act of forgiving but of letting go of the ego that is hurt by the other. Without the ego, there is nothing to be hurt.
Of course, letting go of resentment and seeing the person behind the act (or acts) with compassion does not mean staying in the line of fire of ongoing abuse. But protecting ourselves can mean removing ourselves from the relationship without nurturing a heart of vengeance.
At the end, Richo provides several pages of quotes to meditate upon. i found these particularly helpful.
Richo writes of his first religious experience and call to vocation in his 20s and his second, this call to let go of the desire to retaliate in his 50s. As I read this, I felt discouraged, thinking I'm too old to achieve this state (after having worked for decades anyway to let go of ego and resentments) but he offers encouragement and offers the hope that it is never too late.
Although as I said I have struggled for a long time to be resentment-free this book offered new inspiration and tools to make more progress. It gave me a different way of looking at this desire. Maybe most importantly, it made me far more aware of the ways in which this desire can manifest.
I received an ad
December 3, 2025
Overall, not a bad book, but also not that great either. It still has value for someone wanting a short read about the basic nature of revenge, but the book doesn’t go into depth. There’s a lot of cliches and trite language too. There’s a lot in the way of better books out there about this topic.
December 14, 2025
*well-written, easy to read
*informative and very educational
*heavily researched with easy to follow guidance
*highly recommend
*informative and very educational
*heavily researched with easy to follow guidance
*highly recommend
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews