Standstill: The art of evading my problems across three continents

by Sashi Perera

‘Brilliant, vulnerable and hilarious. Sashi Perera has given us a comedy, a tragedy, a memoir, a polemic and an instruction manual on self-forgiveness. I laughed and cried, often at the same time.’ SHANKARI CHANDRAN

'This book is chaos. This book is laughter and love. This book is a friend. Give it to someone who struggles, to someone you love, someone who needs to forgive themselves. Give it to you. I adored it.' FREDRIK BACKMAN

'This book isn’t just funny (which, obviously) – it’s also a deep dive into identity and belonging. Even when she’s in a hectic shame spiral, completely adrift (which, let’s be honest, happens a lot, Sashi), she’s still relentlessly searching for meaning in a world that sometimes feels like it’s lost its own. Bloody impressive. I loved every page. It’s brilliant.’ EM RUSCIANO

After cancelling a destination wedding in Sri Lanka at the eleventh hour, most people would take a moment to regroup. Not Sashi - insisting she’s unfazed, she plunges into working with international refugee organisations around the world. Those sleepless nights are for reflecting on chaotic romances, work stress and transient lifestyles, right?

After one too many messy experiences, Sashi must accept that life is at a standstill. She returns to Australia where her reality stinks. But that just might be where she needs to be.

From online comedy sensation Sashi Perera, Standstill is a memoir of reluctant self-discovery by a person forced towards a mirror kicking and screaming, finally looking in and saying, Oh shit. It’s for anyone who’s lost their identity, relationship or place in the world and hesitated every step along the journey to get them back.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Book Club, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Humor

331 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 12, 2025

Reviews

[Sara. [Mares de Páginas]]

Fredrik Backman blurb brought me here.

[Sureni · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really meaningful, funny and sometimes heartbreaking read from one of my fave comedians! Sashi’s stand up content has always hit home for me because her experiences as a Sri Lankan Australian woman navigating two identities often mirror my own.

This book captured all of these feelings and more. I was tearing up reading her memories of visiting her grandparents place in Sri Lanka and then smiling as she shared her favourite spots in Melbourne. It was validating reading about her experiences navigating adulthood, her incredible yet tough career as a refugee lawyer, a dysfunctional family, and love.

The overarching lesson of her memoir was to allow yourself to stay still. However, as someone who has leaned more towards the traditional Sri Lankan Community™ pathway, her story has inspired me in the opposite way to get out and explore more of the world, do things that actually make me happy and that it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes along the way.

[Annika Wang · Rating 4 out of 5]

This might be the first time that I am writing something without the help of AI/ Chat GPT for a long period of time so be ready for how messy this paragraph will be and the hectic grammar. I started reading this book for the Sepetember book club events for @tobereadbookclub in Sydney then found out that I am too povo to afford the 40$ entry fee ( okay but I still somehow want to go, what the fuck.)

I will start by addressing the readability for this book. For me, it was a quick read and a page turner for sure. I started reading it on Friday evening but finished it Sunday arvo ( obviously I have been doing other stuff) She has the most inappropriate, hilarious, dark humour. It is really refreshing ( the first 30 pages) for me, given my recent intellectual intake has all been cases/high court rambling or geopolitical debating matter files. I reckon this is also the first Australian author I read, so things are deeply relevant - which makes it very relatable if you are also an immigrant in Australia. The book did not elaborate on the process of falling in love or out of love a lot, there is not a lot of scenic description to make everything about hormones. I appreciate that a lot. It has been a long time since I felt healed and peaceful with my singularity (is this the noun for being single? god knows.) Do not take a judgmental mindset approaching this book, Sometimes her life choices really impress me with how many privileges you get to have when u hold a Western passport - the expat lifestyle is something that I never wish to have. She is traumatized, but I like how any analysis on trauma is not victim complex but just a causal analysis.

I would not say this is super classic or life changing or anything, and I am incredibly curious as to what people will think about it if they were not an Australian immigrant in the legal industry who has messed up childhood trauama has the fear of dying alone. So, maybe I will go to the book club? who knows? you never know.

Okay now I am going to make everything about myself. I love the ending, and I have been hating fictional fairy tales for ages. i like how you are fucked up and you go to therapy and you get fixed - this is the happy ending I am expecting becuase YOU ARE HAPPY. And you are happy realistically, in a way that applies to the real world. ( not prince and princess Cinderella happy - I wish we had a word for that.) I am so similar to the author, I think I can totally cancel a wedding last minute ( actually maybe i am not as hot as the author so I would not think i have that many options, but Tinder is a good indicator that men are desparate these days). I am a BOB ( burnt out baby), I am a baby, I could totally be counted as a failure in life right now from many perspectvies - financially, academically and emotionally and academic validation is the only thing I crave for. Even when writing the book review I am trying to imporess and being cringely funny. I am helpless.

The last paragraph was going nowhere, maybe I should talk about the career choices and refugee law. I am broken as fuck so I have always wanted to save the world. Who didn't dream about being a refugee lawyer or internaitonal lawyer after taking public internaitonal law? The money is grim, but maybe that is what I should try now. Althuogh I would end up being a loser and traumatized and potentially needs more counselling, but at least now I have something that I can romanticize and idealize besides Suites and Harvey Spencer.

[Lucy Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an enjoyable read! Felt like a conversation with a friend I haven’t seen in years

[Keerti · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

[Vlora · Rating 5 out of 5]

I randomly stumbled upon Sashi Perera through her Instagram comedy and was intrigued enough to buy this as an audiobook when it came out. Her choices weren’t always relatable to me initially, but I was entertained enough to keep going and appreciated her voice, descriptions of life abroad and insights on refugee crises around the globe. Later on, she reflects on her earlier life and what led her to the choices she made, and I thought the structure and pacing were masterfully done. In the end, I was left really liking the book and wishing the author all the best - I‘ll definitely continue to follow her journey on social media and perhaps in person if she ever tours near me.

[Clara Parrish · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Standstill’ is genuinely funny in a sharp, self aware way, but it is also deeply touching and honest. Reading it as someone living in a country where I was not born or raised felt personal. Sashi Perera puts words to feelings I have carried for years but never quite knew how to explain. That quiet sense of floating between places, belonging everywhere a little and nowhere completely, came through so clearly it felt like she was reading my mind.

The book is also informative without ever feeling heavy. Learning about the different countries she lived in and the organizations she worked for added so much depth. By the end, it felt less like reading a memoir and more like sitting across from a friend who is telling you their story with humor, vulnerability, and heart. I closed the book feeling understood, entertained, and oddly comforted, which is not something every book can pull off.

[Alycia · Rating 4 out of 5]

So glad I listened to this heartfelt and engaging memoir. Sashi’s growing exhaustion throughout her refugee law career was palpable and I appreciated the honesty with which she wrote about becoming disillusioned with the system. In between her chaotic travel stories and horrific dating tales, I loved watching her come to terms with the more painful aspects of her reality, find joy and community and seeing her growth. Also, loved the Melbourne characterisations!

[Manny · Rating 5 out of 5]

....just wow.
This memoir was such an emotional roller coaster, it made me laugh, it made me cry, and it was all so relatable and close to home.
A compassionate and incredibly witty lens on love, loss, family, survival and healing from one of my favourite female comedians.
Highly recommend.

[Anam Tahir · Rating 4 out of 5]

the lore is insane

[Halla Kolbeinsdottir · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one was a surprise. I bought it because I follow Sashbomb on Instagram and I like her standup. Little did I know that this woman has lived several dozen lives. I did know she was funny, but what made it hard to put the book down (or stop listening in my case) was her honesty and vulnerability.

I really enjoyed going on her life's journey with her.

[Veronica Lozada Tucci · Rating 3 out of 5]

This ended up being really boring. while her work in the humanitarian field was fascinating, it was a smaller part than I thought it would be, the three stars are earned entirely in these sections. It just sort of turned into the same, millenial big city life, drinking, hooking up, involvement in the arts and everything magically being fixed by therapy sort of story. I just felt like I have read this so many times before.

[Kassondra Cloos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version of this book, and loved Perera's narration so much. Standstill is an intimate portrait of the equally exhilarating and exhausting elements of moving to a foreign country and trying to build a life where you have no support network. Sashi brings us along for the ride as she blows up an engagement and then runs away via a series of high-intensity humanitarian jobs on three continents. We get to see the exciting parts as well as the devastating and depressing moments, and it feels like Sashi has taken us by the hand to personally share her life story as if we're close friends.

I've loved watching Sashi's standup on Instagram over the last few years, and enjoyed this book even more than I hoped to. It's not a breezy, breathless, ha-ha-ha misadventure told from a place of detachment; it's deep, real enlightening, and informative while also massively enjoyable and relatable. She has had such an incredibly fascinating life! It was fascinating to see behind the scenes of what it's like to be a humanitarian lawyer, especially from the perspective of someone whose personal life has been so adventurous independent of her work, and I appreciated her raw honesty.

I highly recommend this book to everyone, but especially to anyone who has gone through a difficult breakup and struggled to make sense of it and/or loved living a multi-continental life while also recognizing the toll it can take on your relationships. tl;dr: obsessed.

[Priya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a fan of Sashi Perera's standup for a while so was very excited when I heard she was releasing a book! In her standup she does a great job of bringing humor into some tough situations and she does the same in this memoir about a pretty formative time in her life.

From one page to the next, I would be laughing out loud, reflecting soberly, wanting to reach through the pages to give her a hug/smack to stop being so hard on herself, and then in other parts it was like holding up a mirror so it also make me reflect on how hard I am on myself. I have a hard time reading fiction or nonfiction about serious topics, but this book is the kind of emotional rollercoaster I'm okay with because I know it ends well.

This book is for so many different kinds of people -- if you are navigating living between multiple cultures, if you have ever played tug of war between yourself and community expectations, if you are a perfectionist or a meticulous life planner, if you think making any kind of mistake will ruin your life forever, if you are in therapy, if you aren't in therapy but deep down know you should be, if you want to find the humor in the small and big things, go read this book immediately!

[Tej Dhawan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was introduced to Sashi's comedy by the Instagram algorithm and have enjoyed her sarcasm, observed truths, lived experiences and voice I previously only expected to be authentic. Although I prefer to read most books, I chose this audiobook instead to hear the book in Sashi's voice directly and am so glad I did.

The book goes in sometimes comedic, mostly painful experiences all that surely served as priceless lessons for life. Her NGO/UN work is inspirational to hear, easy to acknowledge as something I couldn't ever do, and bristle at personal and professional choices she made in times of pressure and turmoil.

I particularly liked Sashi's approach to include her therapy reflections late in the book. After hearing the stories she must've told herself and others as she experienced them and forming an opinion, the therapy reflections offer the truth behind the truth. This part was extra special, and I thank her for including this incredibly vulnerable (and at times what must've been extra painful) narrative in the book.

I am so glad she found comedy and that Instagram found her comedy for me. I look forward to seeing her perform live if I am ever near a performance.

PS "Warren" was a d*&k

[Tishanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!
As a young Sri Lankan who grew up torn between the two halves of who I am, reading Sashi's story has been one of the most healing and cathartic experiences of my life. I have laughed, I have cried, I have learned things, I discovered things about myself that I didn't even know was possible to do through reading someone else's life.
Sashi's bravery to be vulnerable and bear her soul and story to the world is something rarely done with such authenticity and truthfulness.
I have been an obsessive reader since I could make out the shape of a letter and I have never ever finished reading a biography... until now. Sashi crafts a sense through which to see her world and ours that will reach inside you and give your heart a hug and tell you "Hey, it's okay to be messy, you're not alone." Her voice is a beacon in letters on paper.

Standstill deserves a place among the classics because it really is a book that everyone needs to read, whether you're going through a similar life experience, or you want to better understand that of South Asian women, this book is the one to show you the way and make you laugh while doing it.

[Donna Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was the blurb on the back of this book that really grabbed me—though I have to admit, I thought it was going to be a very different kind of story. I was expecting a tale of someone who just can’t quite get their life together, not that of a kind-hearted, overachieving lawyer whose life goal was to work for the UN. I mean, I can barely work out what I want to do when I grow up—let alone jet off to war-torn regions at a moment’s notice for gruelling humanitarian missions. No wonder she burned out!

It was also surprisingly informative, offering fascinating insights into the realities of aid work and displacement (and I’ve worked in that world myself, though safely on the marketing and fundraising side).

It wasn’t until the end, when Sashi mentioned getting into stand-up comedy, that I realised I’d seen her before—as the very funny Sri Lankan guest on Have You Been Paying Attention. A quick Google confirmed it: same Sashi Perera. Small world!

All in all, a thoughtful, insightful, and genuinely enjoyable read.

[Heshan Fernando · Rating 5 out of 5]

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A fantastic debut novel by Sashi Perera. As someone from the Sri Lankan diaspora, it was wonderful to see experiences and perspectives that resonated so deeply with my own. On the page, she captures a worldview that blends Sri Lankan and Western identities in a way that is rarely represented in literature and it feels good to be seen!

There was something cathartic about seeing how others navigate the tension between individualistic and collectivist cultures, and how those negotiations shape identity, belonging, and relationships. Perera’s writing feels raw and unflinchingly honest, she has the courage to lay herself bare in a way that makes the book both intimate and universal.

This is such a moving exploration of the human experience, and I’m excited to see how her voice and craft continue to grow in future works.

[Sivasothi N. · Rating 4 out of 5]

For fans of the up and coming Sri Lankan - Australian standup comedian. She’s smart and tells good stories, and this offered a peek behind that talent and goodness does she serve it up! A motivated refugee lawyer, she travels aggressively in pursuit of a UN job, and lives a disruptive expat life. Don’t judge because she’s warned you, she plunged into depths of contradictions — an independent and tenacious frontline refugee lawyer working in far off locations, but desperately needing the comfort of a home, and where is that? She looked back to sort it out and writes breezily, but does paint an idea of that life and the phenomenal frustration it can hold. She cleverly weaves in her therapy sessions into the story and reveals the mysteries of her situation. Read without judgement, as she warns you it’d expose the depths of her journey but you’ll connect to her stand up better afterwards. Is a good reminder to be kind to others as a default.

[Katherine Pearse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was a page turner for me. Sashi writes so beautifully in a way that teaches you about the world’s very broken asylum seeker system whilst also sharing mental health struggles. I love how I learned so much from this book but also laughed at the messy f’ups of early adulthood. I like how honest she was about her struggle to “be an adult”, which is so relatable. I also like to read books from the perspective of people who look different from me, have a different cultural or family background. I hope that she keeps doing comedy because she is so funny!

I chose this book for my bookclub so I can’t wait to hear what everyone else thought. I am also adding a trip to Sri Lanka to my travel bucket list.

[Therese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant rollercoaster of a self-aware trainwreck of living large in your 20's while also being filled with passion and purpose, albeit fuelled by cheap drinks and fried chicken delivery. Isn't that what youth is for after all?

I was cheering for Sashi amid the dodgy dating decisions and exploration of family, friendship and the world. Huge kudos for giving it all a good crack, blowing it up, and moving to another country (multiple times). There's also so much passion for doing something worthwhile amid the chaos, and some deeply important insights on the messed up world of human rights (or lack of), refugee reality, and the mix of people trying to make a difference.

[meejieweegie · Rating 3 out of 5]

i often find the "omg im such a mess haha" genre of memoir to be insufferable, and a lot of this did fall into that category, though sashi acknowledges that in the foreword. the writing is good though, so its still readable even when sashi is an unsympathetic narrator. that said, it does really turn around once she starts going to therapy (who'da thunk), which is to say that i enjoyed the back third of the book significantly more. really enjoyed the parallels in the flashbacks as well

i think overall its a 6/10... tho it ends on a high that makes me want to rate it a 7/10... but also i really dont think one must slog through a swamp in order to enjoy a book...

6/10

[Sonia Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a truly excellent book. Sashi who has led a truly interesting life is so relatable and down to earth even as she describes these totally mad places and experiences you feel as if you’re living it with her. It’s actually a very deep book despite the humour and the fast pace. Anyone who hasn’t led the typical linear existence or who has grappled with who they are and where they should be going would absolutely love this. I loved it. You literally do laugh and cry reading it. You finish it and think- I’d just love to have a drink with this woman as she is also extremely likeable. Thanks Sashi for writing this incredible memoir, hopefully can see you on stage one day! Highly recommend.

[X L · Rating 4 out of 5]

This covers vast scope, going from challenging interpersonal issues (romantic, family, assorted questionable housemates), to the quest to find self and purpose, to the moral and ethical crises going on in the wider world and political stances and responses to refugee crises and how other humans are treated, to moral injury and burnout..
There are the self-aware moments of comparing the humanitarian disasters going on to the personal life hot mess, but also the realisation that you need to put your own oxygen mask on first.
Somewhat chaotic, but definitely engaging.

[Ange · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s unfair how much talent is in one person - refugee lawyer who did meaningful work, a very funny comedian and an engaging writer (oh i think she acts too?). I found myself captivated by Sashi’s journey across the continents, inspired by her work with refugee law, cheering for her as she worked through absurd situations, and my heart wrenched when she was so so hard on herself. I wish I could reach into the pages and give her a hug. And finally I am happy and grateful, that she put this book into the world and I get to read it!

[Renita Siqueira · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got the book because I've been following Sashi's page on Instagram. I liked what I saw and I was curious to know more. She is really honest! I liked the raw honesty, the nuggets of humour, the tidbits of information about her work in refugee law and how difficult that space is, and how she's evolved. The book starts with her cancelling her wedding and how she deals with the aftermath of it. And only much later in the book, she lets us in how and why that came to pass. The book is also an advocate for therapy! Love that!

[Ayesha Ratnayake · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Sri Lankan woman spilling the details of her love life and career challenges? Where have you been all my life, Sashi Perera? Sashi shares the details of her personal journey with a refreshing intimacy that made me laugh, cringe, and feel seen. As a huge fan of her standup, and a victim of ‘browndaries’, this book was everything I’d hoped for, and politically informative to boot! Honest, refreshing, hilarious!

[Shubha Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

A delightful balance of humor and honesty make for a fresh, moving, and inspiring book about the trials and errors of a woman trying to find her place and her voice in a world of consistent social, emotional, and political turbulence. I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels at loose ends trying to hold their chaos together, as a beacon of how rewarding, empowering, and entertaining it can be to unleash it on the world and on yourself.

[Oselyne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am the same age as Sashi, and yet I read this like an aunty, beaming with pride when she accomplishes something, follows her gut instincts (which she says is always wrong) and educates me about asylum seekers around the world. I also tut tut at some of her bad habits, or when she questions herself or when she has moved forward in life but thinks she hasn't.

It's a lovely memoir, what a pleasure it is to read (or in my case, listen to her audiobook because she is reading this herself!)

[Deborah]

Brutally honest, raw and incredibly emotional (I laughed so much during the funny and cried terribly during the sad parts). Absolutely loved reading this. As an Aussie Sri Lankan female myself, I truly believe Sashi is such an inspiration to all in overcoming racial and gender barriers to not only strive but thrive at what she's doing.