Pounded by Produce

by G.M. Fairy

A tale of veggies tempted to break their vows.

Fleeing a tumultuous past, Emily finds refuge at a kitchen job in a quiet countryside parish.

Robert and Laurent are two best friends with a bond that has crossed lines throughout their history but now walk the straight and narrow, giving their lives to their parish as priests.

One magical night under the harvest moon, Robert and Laurent experience a bizarre transformation: They wake up as a tomato and cucumber.

Emily brings these ripe and juicy vegetables into the kitchen, but instead of preparing a meal, she uses them for other, more carnal needs. Emily awakens something inside of the priests, who switch back and forth between their human and vegetable forms.

The three find themself in a steamy entanglement, unable to deny their primal desires. Will they fight their urges or break their vows and alter the course of their lives forever?

From the best-selling author of Get In My Swamp comes a veggie love story filled with angst and lust.

Genres: Romance, Paranormal, LGBT, Novella, Contemporary, M M Romance, M M F

204 pages, Paperback

Published February 14, 2025

About the author

G.M. FAIRY is a #1 best-selling, romance author who dabbles in Fantasy, Sci-Fi, and all things whimsical. She's best known for Get In My Swamp and Pounded by Produce. Her specialty is taking the stories we all know and love and ruining them in the best way possible.

Reviews

[Fish]

Well…this is going to make for an interesting video

[delusioanal | emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about a girl fucking a cucumber and a tomato who just so happens to be the priest at the church she just started working at, has absolutely no business being as good as it was. This had me laughing out loud and heating up at the same time. Enjoyed every second of it in one sitting. Idk what that says about me but idc anymore.

Will never not think about Robert, Laurent and Emily when I eat my veggies. What a beautiful way to start the new year, thank you G.M. Fairy!

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Bean]

i know i’m not on here anymore and i deleted all my negative reviews but i need to let the people know that the yaoi in this is more real than it is in blood of hercules. or even iron widow. tradpub polyam mlm representation is being crushed by veggie tales inspired erotica where the priests inexplicably turn into vegetables. #LOVEISLOVE

[WURLD · Rating 5 out of 5]

YouTube video coming soon LMAO

[anna b · Rating 3 out of 5]

honestly, wish they had been vegetables for more of this

[Lauren McGraw · Rating 4 out of 5]

IT’S A GOOD STORY. WHY ARE YOU BOOING ME YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT.

[nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

girl what about the yeast infection!!!!!!

[Urtė Caspo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Du kunigai, kurie pagal nuotaiką pavirsta agurku ir pomidoru, jauna bažnyčios virėja ir jų... grupinis. Ką žinau 😅👍. Svarbu jiem gerai!!!

[sophie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - I did it y'all, I read Published Veggie Tales Smut. honestly, i was a lot more charmed by this than i thought i would be... a delightful dose of sacrilegious nonsense paired with horny gay priests has never done any harm, okay? plus Gail was fabulous. I enjoyed the scenes where they were not vegetables so much more than the vegetable scenes, though.

Anyways, I really think GM Fairy should hire me as their copy editor. I'd do it for free just for the bragging rights. Hello, please hire me, thank you, I will proudly wear the badge of smut editor, I know my p's and q's, and I'm willing to defer to you on the cum/come dichotomy (but we've REALLY gotta pick one, please).

Thank you beloved coworkers, without whom I would never know this existed. Maybe the wildest published book I've ever read, because I don't read in this genre at all, but frankly delightful and a great palate cleanser from the litfic swamp I've been trapped myself in. Wheeee!

[Leo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this for review on booksirens.

When I read the title and the blurb I was very curious to read it. I havnt read much sentient objects erotica before but I was definitely intruied. It was just as silly in parts as I tought but also a rather good story and romance. Funny, smutty and weird but still very much a romance.

[liz]

Look idk what to tell you… this was a masterpiece….

Only bitches cry over two priests that get a spell on them that turns them into a tomato and a cucumber and they get fucked as vegetables by their live in chef but also the priests are in love but can’t be together and the author compares them to Achilles and Patroclus. It’s me. I’m bitches.

“Don’t do this to me. I love you. I will love you no matter what form you take. Man, priest, tomato, even in death, my heart will beat for you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
LMAOOOOOOOOO fuck

[M (hiatus) · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️

LOL I LOVED THIS BOOK 😭🤣

This was surprisingly less weird than I thought it’d be?? I was laughing A LOT, and I absolutely loved the FMC. She was funny, relatable, and honestly I’m not sure I would’ve behaved any differently if I ever found myself working with two hot priests 🤷‍♀️🤣 speaking of priests, I love reading blasphemous books and this one definitely hit the spot for me 🥵 (even tho I wish it had been even dirtier lol)

The only reason this isn’t a 5 star read is because no lube for the MMCs first time is crazy work, and also… how did they buy a farm?? With what money?? lol priests don’t make that much, do they? Anyways, the ending felt a little rushed, but overall I really liked this book. Do I have a priest kink? Who knows. Maybe. Probably. Hot priests for the win!!

1st person - multiple povs
mmf
no virgins
no condoms
no sharing (besides between each other)
no owd/omd
no cheating
no 3rd act breakup
hea

[Lagoonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC Read
3.5/5

I want TWO boyfriends. And I want the boyfriends to BE BOYFRIENDS. And I want to be THEIR girlfriend.

Honestly I don't know what to say, I have no words. There were parts that I thought were really impactful and parts that truly had me laughing out loud. There were also parts that weirded me out. This was a wild ride of a story and definitely is one of those turn your brain off to enjoy books. It was a very quick read. I finished it in a couple hours. I think the ending felt a little rushed for me.

[Wolky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phenomenal.
The Fathers Vegetable and Emily are each genuine characters, with hosts of their own traumas, resentments, and yearnings. This is a book that is assisted in being an interesting erotica that is sort of critical of the Catholic Church, by a vegetable bit. Love a bit.

[Biblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Proverbs 15:17 It is better to screw vegetables with those who love you than to screw meat with those who hate you. Or something like that... This was everything I wanted and more. The Veggie Tales we needed. What a healing experience. Jokes aside I absolutely loved this. GM Fairy is too freaking funny and I will forever be a fan. Laurent and Robert could get it. In veggie form too. Must read. Infinite stars. Definitely make getting smacked with a ruler in sunday school worth it.

[Charlotte Starling · Rating 4 out of 5]

exposure therapy for my aversion to raw tomatoes 🍅
okay but actually the consistent use of the word come instead of cum is my biggest critique. it really takes you out of the moment, ya know?
🍅
powells friends, I can’t wait to compare notes on this
🥒

[Casper · Rating 1 out of 5]

The amount of grammatical errors, incorrect words, switched tenses, missing words, etc. makes this read like a rough draft that never saw an editor. It makes no sense that it was published like this. Just because it's self-pubbed and spice doesn't make that acceptable.

Also the author clearly did next to zero research on Catholicism because woof. Have your sexy priests but you can spend twenty minutes on even attempting to get their speech patterns or sermons down. Like yeah, I'm being nit-picky as an ex-Catholic but it's just...so bad dude.

And another thing. You wanna write a polyamorous relationship, call it that. Because polygamy (pg 185 on my kindle) is a completely different relationship structure. Again, just five seconds to google the difference between the two. That's all.

Also spoiler for "plot": the witch/old lady thing was just stupid. It was written so vaguely and like wannabe mysteriously. It made no sense. The way the guys flipped this sudden switch to be like "ah, yes, the gods, the universe, this mysterious unknown force" was also so nonsensical, especially for Robert.

And Robert's whole character was just frustrating. Like the "plot" was literally 170 pages of him going "I want you" and then immediately going "omg no I can't". Like gurl bsffr.'

[Joscelyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. very silly. very unserious. 🍅🥒

[Dr CG · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bahahaaa!!! I’m dying right now 🤣🤣🤣
This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read in my life, but will I be telling others to read it? ABSOLUTELY! 💯

Veggie porn! Who woulda thought? Lmao!!

[Cassandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

listen NO ONE IS MORE SURPRISED THAN ME that I actually didn't hate this as much as I thought. I saw the rating and was confused about how high it was but if you completely remove the sentient vegetable storyline.... you'd get what I mean.

i cannot believe there is a book in this world where it is veggie tales inspired (SONGS INCLUDED) with some fleabag influence.... i can't wrap my head around it.

[Molly Likovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a bisexual who was raised catholic, I support this message🫡🍅🥒❤️‍🔥

[Heather Morihara · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best thing about this book is that I never have to read it again.

[Romancing the Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here for a good time…

Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write: I knew since picking up that Bee Movie parody that GM Fairy delivers more than you’d expect in a book. So I’m 0% surprised a book about two priests that turn into vegetables was pretty good.

📕 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Pounded by Produce by GM Fairy

📙 𝗦𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: Standalone

📗 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘀: E-book on Kindle. 🆓 on LI.

📘 𝗚𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: Erotica

📔 𝗧𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝘀: MMF, instalove, fated mates.

📖 𝗦𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: Emily is down on her luck and takes a job working at a remote parish, where a spirit curses the parish priests to turn into vegetables until they fall in love.

🌟 𝗥𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄: Two things can be true at once. Was this the weirdest thing I’ve read in 2025? Yes. Was it also well written and a solid read? Also yes.

Listen, this isn’t that deep. But I chuckled a bunch and I got out of my reading funk. Just… don’t read this if you’re religious in any way. Thank you *bows out*.

𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴: 3.5/5 ⭐⭐⭐

𝗦𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹: 4/5 🌶🌶🌶🌶

[Ash · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I’m just a veggie, and veggies can’t sin.”
🤣 Fairy, give me a fawkin break!

This book was so cute but also so incredibly ridiculous that I intentionally read it slowly because I was having such a time reading.
Priests who turn into a cucumber 🥒 and a tomato 🍅 and get used by the fmc for sexual pleasure 💦 peak writing I tell ya.

A MAJOR plus about this book is that the relationship is equal all around, no one is liked more than anyone else. Unfortunately, authors like to have one couple be more strongly attracted to each other leaving the third person out and I HATE that. Don't worry, that's not the case here 😉.

[Nancy Riccardi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well that was something

[Charlene (pageandplace) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew by the title and cover art this was going to be juicy. This veggie love tale was narrated by Jameson Adams and Meg Price. They both did a great job with this spicy MMF entanglement!

Emily finds refuge working in the kitchen at a country side parish. Robert and Laurent are two priests who find themselves in a bizarre situation- they wake as a tomato and cucumber. Instead of using the vegetables in the kitchen, Emily uses them for more pressing and personal reasons.

As the priests spend their days working at the Parrish and their nights in veggie form, the three must decide if they will act on their primal urges.

This seemed interesting so I took a chance. It’s like picking up new items at the grocery store- some are a win others are a miss.
Thankfully this was a different and fun read. I was glad to have taken a chance- it’s was fun to mix things up and visit a new book theme.

A quick and quirky read, just go in with an open mind and you’ll enjoy it 🤪

Thank you to the author, GM Fairy, and Podium Entertainment for the opportunity to listen to this book. I received a gifted copy and am leaving my review voluntarily.

[Lia Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unhinged Book Madness - Day 3

The Veggie Tale comments had me cackling. Honestly this was a fun spicy MMF romance. I wish it was like 50 pages shorter, but I really enjoyed the tension and banter. This was a fun insane book. Won’t be for everyone but I enjoyed it.

Rating:
- Unhingedness: 6 (Veggie Tales Quotes)
- Story Structure: 7
- Spice Level: 6 (MMF)
- Would I recommend: Yes

[Kimbot the Destroyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Soooo. This is a really good erotic story if you have a priest kink and a middling to poor sentient object romance.

[Jo Red · Rating 4 out of 5]

3,5 stars - silly but surprisingly well written for the genre and entertaining

[✧ jay ✧ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Look, if you ignore the sentient object aspect and the blatantly obvious Veggie Tales fanfiction, this is actually rather cute. I enjoyed my time with this.