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328 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 6, 2025
Jackson’s compliment inspired me to open up. “I excel, if anything, at the negative. I’ve tried writing in a positive, life-affirming vein, but it doesn’t feel or sound right. I can complain about anything. It’s my gift to the world, not that the world’s interested. I can’t help it. . . .”
“You know, to externalize yourself, to bring forth what is within, to get it out of your system and into other people’s systems: to provoke, console, and inspire, if it’s within one’s means. To return the favor, so to speak. Having been cheered and consoled by the bitter words of others. . .”
The literary world is a small, silly, and very vain place, a place of silly people. . .
The public criticizes you for all the things that you have been careful to avoid and applauds you for things that you never intended.
Paragraph by paragraph, I anticipate my potential readers dropping away, wearied and irritated by this tiresome outpouring. But I must insist on pressing forward if only to honor a life's work of discarded manuscripts. With so much unfinished, so much unbegun, nothing, no matter how worthless, can be thrown out anymore. I have to complete something, even if it is ignoble of sentiment and unsound of construction; even if it's not up to the standards of what I once threw out; even if it is the exact opposite of what I had once hoped to achieve—-that I was probably never capable of achieving in the first place; even if it reflects badly upon me; even if it is crap.
Repetition is the reality and the seriousness of life. . . Repetition not as redundancy but of a kind of reassurance.