This review first appeared on my Substack newsletter, Omnivorous.
Jonathan Corcoran’s memoir No Son of Mine has been on my to-read list for a long time. I mean, it’s a memoir about a gay man from West Virginia who has a fractured relationship with his mother and his family and his origins, which is the kind of story that I live to read. While my own biography is far less traumatic than Corcoran’s, the two of us do share a lot in common (we’re even the same age, oddly enough), and so I knew I was going to find myself drawn into this book, that I was probably going to end up seeing more than a little of myself reflected in its pages.
No Son of Mine is both one of the best and also one of the most devastating things I’ve read this year. I give Corcoran so much credit for being willing to dig deep into his own history and his own memories to unearth the pain that he’s endured so that he can finally find healing and, to an extent at least, some closure. This is a tremendous emotional labor to undertake, particularly when doing so also involves putting words on the page, and he really does deserve all the praise for being so honest and so forthright, both with us and with himself.
Corcoran’s book, however, begins not in the distant past of his childhood, but instead in the dark days of COVID, when both Corcoran and his husband come down with the disease. As they struggle to breathe and as New York City seems to fall apart around them, he gets word that his mother’s health has begun to precipitately decline and then, shortly thereafter, he gets the word she’s died. This is a truly terrible position to be in–losing a parent in the midst of a raging pandemic, unable to go home to grieve–but it’s made all the more acute by the fact that his relationship with his mother has long been characterized by rejection, pain, and cyclical reconciliation.
Though raised in poverty, in the small town of Elkins, Corcoran eventually makes his way to Brown University, where he meets Sam, the man who’ll become his husband. Then, one fateful holiday, his life is changed forever when his mother disowns him because of his homosexuality. From that point on their relationship will be one of reconciliations and betrayals, as his mother battles her demons and lashes out, only to come begging her estranged son to let her back into his life. The book is, in large part, about Corcoran’s attempt to find his love and grace for his mother while also making sure she doesn’t suck him into the swirling vortex of her own terrible darkness.
It’s always difficult to be ostracized and cut off by a parent, but I think that rejection feels different–not more acute, perhaps, but different, nevertheless–when it takes place in the context of both queerness and Appalachia. We Appalachian folk put a lot of stock in our families, a legacy, perhaps, of the Scotch-Irish clans who were some of the region’s first full-time White inhabitants. Your kin are the folks you can rely on when everyone else abandons you, and to be cast out from that charmed circle is doubly devastating. It’s not just that you’re cut off from the people that raised you; it’s that you’re cut off from an entire home and hearth.
Exacerbating all of this darkness is the fact that Corcoran’s father is, to put it bluntly, a piece of shit, a man who never wanted to be–and probably never should have been–a father and so acted accordingly. And on top of that there’s also the fact that Corcoran’s mother never knew her father, a glaring absence in her life that, in some ways, paved her own perilous road to perdition. This doesn’t excuse her actions and behavior, of course, and No Son of Mine makes it clear she bears the lion’s share of the blame, but it does at least offer an explanation of sorts as to how a woman could become such a victim of her own demons that she would then perpetuate that cycle on her own son, one of the few people in her life who seemed to actually see her.
While his relationship with his mother and his father is one of trauma and never-ending horror and sadness, Corcoran’s relationship with his boyfriend–and later husband–Sam is a point of light and grace in both his life and in the book as a whole. Theirs is truly a meeting of two kindred souls, and I loved getting to see these glimpses into their life together, because it’s clear they’re partners in every sense of the word. They’ve managed to forge their own little idyll, and this relationship proves to be an anchor for Corcoran when things get really bad with his family. Even in the darkness, then, there is light.
Indeed, for all that the book can make for grim reading, there are many moments of joy and of hope. I was struck in particular by the moment when, late in the book, they go back to Elkins and, to their surprise, happen to stumble upon the local Pride festival. For Corcoran, this is a jarring moment, as it is a reminder of how far things have come in places like West Virginia, and how far they have yet to go. To be sure, the Mountain State has made some strides forward, but after Trump’s return to the White House it remains unclear whether this forward momentum will continue or whether the state’s queer youth, like Corcoran (and like myself, for that matter) may have to move away, leaving behind a part of themselves in the process.
No Son of Mine is a powerful piece of healing literature and, though there is pain here–pain at being abandoned by a mother, pain at having to leave behind a deep-rooted place like Appalachia–pain at having to acknowledge the trauma of our own histories–there is love too, so much love. This book, like the best Appalachian memoirs, shows how so many queer folks from the region still carry that love and grace in their hearts, even if they have also left those hills and hollers behind. It’s a book of empathy and of grace, of heartache and of longing and of joy. I loved it, and I think you will, too.