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The Cunterbury Tales
Featuring 24 pieces, The Cunterbury Tales follows some of the world’s worst pilgrims on their journey to venerate the withered spleen of Saint Augustine. Combing verse (written in octosyllabic rhyming couplets, no less) and prose, this book will be enough to make Chaucer rise from the dead and pluck the eyes from his head.
Including a Zookeeper with a penchant for bestiality, a Courtesan with a conniving approach to business, a Midwife with murderous intent, a Lunatic following God's commands, and a Butcher with an interesting sideline, plus many others, these tales are gross, puerile, offensive, and also raise money to help fight cancer. Supporting the Lingen Davies Cancer Fund, The Cunterbury Tales is limited to 69 copies.
Including a Zookeeper with a penchant for bestiality, a Courtesan with a conniving approach to business, a Midwife with murderous intent, a Lunatic following God's commands, and a Butcher with an interesting sideline, plus many others, these tales are gross, puerile, offensive, and also raise money to help fight cancer. Supporting the Lingen Davies Cancer Fund, The Cunterbury Tales is limited to 69 copies.
160 pages, Paperback
Published March 29, 2025
About the author
Peter Caffrey
32 books96 followersPeter Caffrey creates stories stained with the darkest of dark humour, featuring elements of splattery filth, horror, bizarro and absurdity.
Alongside numerous books, his work has also appeared in a number of anthologies including ABC’s of Terror (Vol 4), Call Me Hoop, Unamerican Trash, In Uterus, Prose in Poor Taste (Vol 2), The Best of Bizarro Fiction (Vol 2) and The Bumper Book of British Bizarro. He has also featured in many publications including Underbelly, Horror Sleaze Trash, Infernal Ink, Terror House, Frontier Tales and Schlock!
He likes apes, dislikes gravity, and is unlikely to change.
Alongside numerous books, his work has also appeared in a number of anthologies including ABC’s of Terror (Vol 4), Call Me Hoop, Unamerican Trash, In Uterus, Prose in Poor Taste (Vol 2), The Best of Bizarro Fiction (Vol 2) and The Bumper Book of British Bizarro. He has also featured in many publications including Underbelly, Horror Sleaze Trash, Infernal Ink, Terror House, Frontier Tales and Schlock!
He likes apes, dislikes gravity, and is unlikely to change.
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
March 30, 2025
Firstly: if you have any triggers, this might not be for you! Contains very strong language, graphic content including bestiality, infant death, SA and necrophilia. And that is just the contents page.
I was really anticipating this read when it was released for the Indie Horror Chapter Canterbury Horror Tales event: a charity exclusive that also scratched my horror itch? Yes, thanks.
Fans of the original will appreciate the send off that Peter Caffrey gives Chaucer’s work. And those of you that hate Chaucer and every English lesson you were made to sit through reading the Canterbury Tales…you will love the completely different content that Chaucer would be spinning in his grave to hear, and will appreciate how obscene this pilgrimage is from start to finish.
I laughed, I gagged, I realised it was a bad idea to eat a pork pie half way through: this book had it all. I flew through it in a couple of hours, I just couldn’t stop turning the pages. This is one pilgrimage you won’t want to miss out on
I was really anticipating this read when it was released for the Indie Horror Chapter Canterbury Horror Tales event: a charity exclusive that also scratched my horror itch? Yes, thanks.
Fans of the original will appreciate the send off that Peter Caffrey gives Chaucer’s work. And those of you that hate Chaucer and every English lesson you were made to sit through reading the Canterbury Tales…you will love the completely different content that Chaucer would be spinning in his grave to hear, and will appreciate how obscene this pilgrimage is from start to finish.
I laughed, I gagged, I realised it was a bad idea to eat a pork pie half way through: this book had it all. I flew through it in a couple of hours, I just couldn’t stop turning the pages. This is one pilgrimage you won’t want to miss out on
September 10, 2025
I unfortunately missed the chance to speak with author Peter Caffrey at the Indie Horror Chapter event Chapter 2: Canterbury Horror Tales, for which he wrote The Cunterbury Tales to raise money for the Lingen Davies Cancer Fund. Thankfully following the event there were a couple of copies left over which Caffrey made available online, so I quickly snagged one. Now I am not familiar with Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, so how this stands as a companion piece I am afraid I cannot comment, however I have a sneaking suspicion it hardly matters.
The Cunterbury Tales opens with a Preface by author Caffrey, explaining the intentions behind this work. His reasoning for why the majority of this is written in octosyllabic rhyming couplets is nothing short of genius. I went into this book knowing absolutely nothing about it, so to discover that the majority is written in verse was quite the surprise. And yet there is something impressive about the way Caffrey wrestles the English language into a satisfying rhyming scheme, gleefully smashing through taboos (bestiality, necrophilia, sexual assault, to name but a few) all whilst finding new and imaginative ways to rhyme words with cunt.
We have a total of twenty-four tales here, with two being prose-based, and the rest all rhyming. So let’s give this a go…
Starting with To Cunterbury,
We meet our cast, all are merry
Twenty-two individuals,
From nuns and cooks to criminals
Each with secrets and tales to tell
This a group of ne’er-do-wells
Serving as an introduction
The writing acts as seduction
I marvelled at the joyous rhymes
I knew I would have a good time
The Butcher’s Tale is one of woe
Adept with meat and in the know
Of how to lose unwanted dead
The ending message should be spread
A solid start, it must be said!
The Parson’s Tale reveals a lot
About relationships with God
And relations with other men
Hypocrisy of religion
Caffrey is scathing with his pen
Next we have The Fisherman’s Tale
This book refuses to be stale
Mermaids and sex do not combine
Caffrey gleefully toes the line
You never know just what you’ll find
The Thief’s Tale abandons the octosyllabic rhyming couplets scheme, and is one of the two prose-based stories presented here. If it wasn’t already obvious, Caffrey uses this short to starkly revel in relentless depravity, laid all the barer when shunned from rhyme - a thief is employed by a couple who wish for a baby. There was a moment in this where I felt my eyebrows raise, but Caffrey doesn’t stop there. Whilst I did predict the ending twist, there’s something about the inevitability of it that was engaging to read. Whilst I have been enjoying the novelty of the rhyming, I found it refreshing getting a taste of Caffrey writing in prose. There is another prose-based short, but not yet.
After a thieving interlude
The Obese Nun’s Tale does exude
A gluttonous yarn about food
And whilst this entry might seem rude
Comparatively it’s subdued
The Carpet Seller’s Tale is strange
But it demonstrates Caffrey’s range
It’s more comedic, less bloodshed
Which I found was unexpected
No counts of thread, but hairs on head!
The Conjoined Twins Tale made me smile
My favourite part – most worthwhile!
The concept is dark and twisted
Two opposites, co-existed
This one should not be resisted
The Lunatics Tale shows a mind
That’s deeply fractured and not kind
I found this one was simply fine
Could benefit without the rhymes
A nuanced take that’s less confined
The Midwife’s Tale feels topical
'Less you’re easily shockable
But me? I’m not, so I enjoyed
The language that Caffrey employed
Though morally this is devoid!
The Beggar’s Tale has good wordplay
About a man who lives his way
No shame or regret ‘til he dons
A new disguise he names Yvonne
A wayward finger he wants gone
We proceed with The Convict’s Tale
About a man escaped from jail
There’s murder, rape, and no remorse
The harshest truths Caffrey does force
Us to acknowledge in due course
The Courtesan’s Tale is up next
A prostitute who’s oversexed
Through her deceit she comes undone
In giving a blind man some fun
A lesson learned for everyone
The Crow Catcher’s Tale returns to prose, making my life much easier for this review. We follow a crow catcher who learns the trick to being truly great at this job – strike fear into the crows. But will the same lesson so readily apply when shunned by a woman? There are moments in this story that made me uncomfortable, as strains of incel behaviour run through the protagonist’s thoughts. This entry, more so than the others, can be a tough read at times.
We return to rhyming once more
With The Plumber’s Tale to explore
The lesson here? Marital woe
I’m still impressed at how words flow
And there’s eight more tales still to go!
The Cripple’s Tale is saddest yet
Try as you might, you still won’t get
To achieve your hopes and your goals
For in Caffrey’s world I suppose
That trying hard won’t help your souls
The influence is plain to see
There’s echoes of Mary Shelley
The Physician’s Tale gets messy
Re-animating the deceased
Led to my interest increased
The Hangman’s Tale tied me in knots
About a man who has the hots
For a woman who he just dropped
When reading this I can’t be stopped
The ending’s close and in I’m locked
The Zookeeper’s Tale does feature
Many a beast and a creature
You might be surprised by the sex
That Caffrey does indeed inject
Your sanity you might assess
The Tax Collector’s Tale shows greed
And the lifestyle that it can feed
But be warned for this story’s gross
There’s sucking on digested oats
The sickest story? This one’s close!
The Cook’s Tale has a moany mum
Whose comeuppance does indeed come
A shorter story this may be
But still I think you will agree
This is of damn high quality
The Psychic Medium’s Tale’s next
About a man who thinks he’s hexed
But ghosts aren’t real so what’s the deal?
It could be that there’s gold to steal
Or something else to maybe feel?
The last story here we have reached
The Undertaker’s Tale’s unleashed
Bring to this one your own worldview
A last question for you to chew
Are you happy or are you blue?
And with that Back to the Tabard
We’ve arrived at the final part
Where Caffrey does direct address
Those readers who did read the rest
Time well spent? He doesn’t think so
I wonder how this review will go?
And with that I have broke the rule
Nine syllables, that line is full!
Writing this review has been fun
Caffrey’s skill is second to none
His creativity and wit
Jumps off the page and smacks your bits
And with that my review is writ
I enjoyed The Cunterbury Tales and after trying my hand at octosyllabic rhyming couplets (or thruplets, as Caffrey sprinkles throughout his stories) I now have even more appreciation for how much work and effort went into this book. Caffrey’s ability to rhyme whilst also covering some really heinous topics is continuously impressive. Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen a couple more examples of Caffrey’s prose-based writing, and there are a couple of stories that didn’t quite land for me. However, the pure genius of The Conjoined Twins concept is utterly fantastic and makes this a worthwhile read for that alone. Overall I certainly enjoyed my journey to Cunterbury, accompanied by the reprobates that make up The Cunterbury Tales, and if you ever find yourself with the opportunity to read this I highly suggest you take it – for the novel experience if nothing else.
3.5/5
The Cunterbury Tales opens with a Preface by author Caffrey, explaining the intentions behind this work. His reasoning for why the majority of this is written in octosyllabic rhyming couplets is nothing short of genius. I went into this book knowing absolutely nothing about it, so to discover that the majority is written in verse was quite the surprise. And yet there is something impressive about the way Caffrey wrestles the English language into a satisfying rhyming scheme, gleefully smashing through taboos (bestiality, necrophilia, sexual assault, to name but a few) all whilst finding new and imaginative ways to rhyme words with cunt.
We have a total of twenty-four tales here, with two being prose-based, and the rest all rhyming. So let’s give this a go…
Starting with To Cunterbury,
We meet our cast, all are merry
Twenty-two individuals,
From nuns and cooks to criminals
Each with secrets and tales to tell
This a group of ne’er-do-wells
Serving as an introduction
The writing acts as seduction
I marvelled at the joyous rhymes
I knew I would have a good time
The Butcher’s Tale is one of woe
Adept with meat and in the know
Of how to lose unwanted dead
The ending message should be spread
A solid start, it must be said!
The Parson’s Tale reveals a lot
About relationships with God
And relations with other men
Hypocrisy of religion
Caffrey is scathing with his pen
Next we have The Fisherman’s Tale
This book refuses to be stale
Mermaids and sex do not combine
Caffrey gleefully toes the line
You never know just what you’ll find
The Thief’s Tale abandons the octosyllabic rhyming couplets scheme, and is one of the two prose-based stories presented here. If it wasn’t already obvious, Caffrey uses this short to starkly revel in relentless depravity, laid all the barer when shunned from rhyme - a thief is employed by a couple who wish for a baby. There was a moment in this where I felt my eyebrows raise, but Caffrey doesn’t stop there. Whilst I did predict the ending twist, there’s something about the inevitability of it that was engaging to read. Whilst I have been enjoying the novelty of the rhyming, I found it refreshing getting a taste of Caffrey writing in prose. There is another prose-based short, but not yet.
After a thieving interlude
The Obese Nun’s Tale does exude
A gluttonous yarn about food
And whilst this entry might seem rude
Comparatively it’s subdued
The Carpet Seller’s Tale is strange
But it demonstrates Caffrey’s range
It’s more comedic, less bloodshed
Which I found was unexpected
No counts of thread, but hairs on head!
The Conjoined Twins Tale made me smile
My favourite part – most worthwhile!
The concept is dark and twisted
Two opposites, co-existed
This one should not be resisted
The Lunatics Tale shows a mind
That’s deeply fractured and not kind
I found this one was simply fine
Could benefit without the rhymes
A nuanced take that’s less confined
The Midwife’s Tale feels topical
'Less you’re easily shockable
But me? I’m not, so I enjoyed
The language that Caffrey employed
Though morally this is devoid!
The Beggar’s Tale has good wordplay
About a man who lives his way
No shame or regret ‘til he dons
A new disguise he names Yvonne
A wayward finger he wants gone
We proceed with The Convict’s Tale
About a man escaped from jail
There’s murder, rape, and no remorse
The harshest truths Caffrey does force
Us to acknowledge in due course
The Courtesan’s Tale is up next
A prostitute who’s oversexed
Through her deceit she comes undone
In giving a blind man some fun
A lesson learned for everyone
The Crow Catcher’s Tale returns to prose, making my life much easier for this review. We follow a crow catcher who learns the trick to being truly great at this job – strike fear into the crows. But will the same lesson so readily apply when shunned by a woman? There are moments in this story that made me uncomfortable, as strains of incel behaviour run through the protagonist’s thoughts. This entry, more so than the others, can be a tough read at times.
We return to rhyming once more
With The Plumber’s Tale to explore
The lesson here? Marital woe
I’m still impressed at how words flow
And there’s eight more tales still to go!
The Cripple’s Tale is saddest yet
Try as you might, you still won’t get
To achieve your hopes and your goals
For in Caffrey’s world I suppose
That trying hard won’t help your souls
The influence is plain to see
There’s echoes of Mary Shelley
The Physician’s Tale gets messy
Re-animating the deceased
Led to my interest increased
The Hangman’s Tale tied me in knots
About a man who has the hots
For a woman who he just dropped
When reading this I can’t be stopped
The ending’s close and in I’m locked
The Zookeeper’s Tale does feature
Many a beast and a creature
You might be surprised by the sex
That Caffrey does indeed inject
Your sanity you might assess
The Tax Collector’s Tale shows greed
And the lifestyle that it can feed
But be warned for this story’s gross
There’s sucking on digested oats
The sickest story? This one’s close!
The Cook’s Tale has a moany mum
Whose comeuppance does indeed come
A shorter story this may be
But still I think you will agree
This is of damn high quality
The Psychic Medium’s Tale’s next
About a man who thinks he’s hexed
But ghosts aren’t real so what’s the deal?
It could be that there’s gold to steal
Or something else to maybe feel?
The last story here we have reached
The Undertaker’s Tale’s unleashed
Bring to this one your own worldview
A last question for you to chew
Are you happy or are you blue?
And with that Back to the Tabard
We’ve arrived at the final part
Where Caffrey does direct address
Those readers who did read the rest
Time well spent? He doesn’t think so
I wonder how this review will go?
And with that I have broke the rule
Nine syllables, that line is full!
Writing this review has been fun
Caffrey’s skill is second to none
His creativity and wit
Jumps off the page and smacks your bits
And with that my review is writ
I enjoyed The Cunterbury Tales and after trying my hand at octosyllabic rhyming couplets (or thruplets, as Caffrey sprinkles throughout his stories) I now have even more appreciation for how much work and effort went into this book. Caffrey’s ability to rhyme whilst also covering some really heinous topics is continuously impressive. Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen a couple more examples of Caffrey’s prose-based writing, and there are a couple of stories that didn’t quite land for me. However, the pure genius of The Conjoined Twins concept is utterly fantastic and makes this a worthwhile read for that alone. Overall I certainly enjoyed my journey to Cunterbury, accompanied by the reprobates that make up The Cunterbury Tales, and if you ever find yourself with the opportunity to read this I highly suggest you take it – for the novel experience if nothing else.
3.5/5
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews