Erdbeeren und Zigarettenqualm

by Madeline Docherty

»Der Schmerz, in sich selbst hineinzuwachsen, und die Intensität einer alles verzehrenden Frauenfreundschaft werden wunderbar eingefangen« ROSE WILDING

Du verlierst deine Jungfräulichkeit an einen Jungen aus deinem Gendertheorie-Seminar, und die erste Person, der du davon erzählst, ist Ella.
Ella ist mit dir auf der Party, als du zum ersten Mal ein Mädchen küsst.
Und Ella bringt dich in die Notaufnahme, als du die erste Diagnose erhältst.
In den nächsten Jahren hast du eine Reihe von Beziehungen und Jobs, lebst ein schnelles, unstetes Leben, aber du kannst dich immer darauf verlassen, dass Ella für dich da ist – bis der Alkoholkonsum und die Partys, die Krankenhausbesuche und die nächtlichen Anrufe die Grenzen eurer Freundschaft verwischen und daraus etwas Unausgewogenes und Fragiles entsteht, das Gefahr läuft, ganz zu zerbrechen.
Das Schlimme daran ist, dass du es kommen siehst. Das Schlimmste daran ist, dass du nicht weißt, wie du es verhindern kannst ...

Genres: Fiction, Queer, Contemporary, LGBT, Lesbian, Literary Fiction, Coming Of Age

224 pages, Paperback

First published June 6, 2024

Reviews

[miles z · Rating 2 out of 5]

To begin with, the title of the novel, ‘gender theory’ is extremely misleading. For the most part, the novel is extremely heteronormative with the character fantasising about being a housewife for various male academics. Whilst I’m aware the main character is bisexual and she has one lesbian relationship, which was quite controlling, I feel like queerness is never really fully explored, at least not to the extent that you’d expect a book titled gender theory to be subversive. Just like the kiss between the two best friends, which is buried and purposely forgotten, never really explored, queerness feels tokenistic and more like an afterthought in this novel. Queerness is not just about relationships but also how you live life and navigate to the world. And whilst perhaps the obsession with men and heteronormativity could be seen as a parody, ultimately I think that makes for a weak excuse for a book that is advertised and it's titled in a way that suggests more playful exploration of gender and sexuality.

The main feature of the writing style is the second person narration, however the novelty of this wears off quite quickly and the author doesn’t really have any other literary techniques up her sleeve that would offer any additional depth so we're stuck in this constant present tense, which makes me feel like I’ve just been shown a series of Instax photos.

Usually I’m very open to unlikable protagonists or very flawed characters, however I felt that the main character was particularly lacking in depth. The story revolves around her sleeping with different people, totally changing and basing her personality depending on who she’s dating, getting high and drunk all the time and just generally being very messy and dependent on her best friend ella to save her from the worst situations and to have a place to live. When ella finally speaks out about how she feels like the main character has hurt her and used her near the end, whilst it's clear that this has been in the making for a long time, the way it's presented could have been much more impactful and climatic. The main character has no character growth or development for the first 90% of the novel, remaining messy and dependent on her friends and partners. When she’s finally forced to change when ella stops being her friend, the way it happens feels too good to be true and ultimately unearned. Whilst initially the situation is stressful, everything comes into place quickly and easily for the protagonists, with an ex being happy to pay her rent and support her financially, and the main character being able to find a job that makes her really happy by accident. For the main character have to have truly learned and grown, we would have needed to see challenges on the way of her becoming an independent person, which this novel doesn’t show us at all in the last pages.

Another important thing to mention, is that the main character has endometriosis. Sometimes it can feel like her endometriosis is being used as an excuse for her to be such a messy character but ultimately the writing is not very clear and it feels like it does a disservice to people who have the condition. Furthermore, the main character obsesses of about losing the capacity for childbirth especially when dating a heterosexual man who really wants to have children. But considering how this book is called gender theory and it’s advertised as being queer, it never really explores queer perspectives on this issue.

Despite Ella being one of the main characters, she is not really fleshed out and she is relegated to the role of the woman who saves everyone. We don’t really know much about her hobbies other than the fact she listens to old fashioned music, that she is heterosexual and dating a perfect man, has her life together, a good job and a well off family. Whilst there are hints of discord in her life, for example, when she has a violent breakup with a boyfriend and she is seen to be violence by the main character in a scene, this is never really explored.

A lot of characters are very thinly written and don’t really go beyond cliches. For example there’s an older academic who falls in love with the main character, he’s the stereotype of a posh boy professor but he also sweeps in and helps fix her life. He doesn’t have a lot of struggles other than wanting a child and having judgmental friends. This could have been a good place to explore issues like precarity in academia but instead this book gives us an ivory tower portrayal of academia, where sexy older men read romantic poetry all day. There’s another character called Finn, who is briefly roommate of the main character. He is a queer man who takes drugs and sleeps around, whilst drug usage it’s a real issue in the queer community, I feel like his character was also only surface level and not really fleshed out. And it’s common to have gay male characters written like this in books, so it feels like a bit of a stereotype. It easily could have been more if the author chose to add more depth, but she didn’t.

Ultimately, this novel is shallow and repetitive, with change only coming at the very end and ultimately feeling undeserved. It fails to explore deeper issues about the main characters' past and family, and these issues are also only tacked on in the end and not explored in a satisfactory way. In the end, this is not a novel that deserves such a big title as gender theory.

[suzannah ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gorgeous short novel exploring friendship, sexuality, self-discovery, and finding your place in the world whilst suffering with a chronic illness. the storytelling is beautiful and makes the book really easy to read and binge.

[Naseerah]

Ouch

[alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, read from beginning to bittersweet end with a knot in my throat and a pit in my stomach. Gender Theory is a raw and very real contemporary litfic novel, with unusual second-person narration that thrusts you into the bloody, beating centre of the protagonist’s young adulthood.

It’s a bit like every Sally Rooney and Genevieve Novak project ever, with a unique through-line of undiagnosed endometriosis and chronic pain that manages to be both incredibly specific and a shockingly effective stand-in for any and every underreported, untreated woe, particularly ones that predominantly affect women, and (characteristically) I ate it up.

One day I will have grown up enough to stop seeing myself in the complicated, messy, occasionally straight-up nasty female leads of so-called books-about-nothing, but today is not that day.

Thanks to NetGalley and John Murray Press for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Nickelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a bisexual girlie with endometriosis who has made some dodgy life choices, this hit home a little too much!

So much packed into 183 pages, with a feeling of immediacy throughout as the main character moves through life during and after Uni struggling with questions about, well, everything, including her feelings towards her straight best friend, and with her endometriosis and chronic pain constantly there.

While I enjoyed it and will probably re-read again, it’s not a full 5 star due to how annoying the character was, ha, though I know it’s the point. With so much of her actions and thoughts blamed on her endo, it lacked that resolution that comes for her about 90% of the way through. This makes it much more believable, obviously, but it fell short here, with Ella’s outburst and the main character’s response one that should have been explored more. With her going through so much, I wanted those extra 20 pages to see her find more of the peace, or just the building blocks toward it.

I will say, I thought this book was going to be different than how it turned out based on the title, blurb and the gorgeous cover art, so imagine my horror at so many men that are used to placate feelings or fill wedges of loneliness.

Overall this was beautiful, difficult, real, and at times painful, but beautiful written, with 183 pages providing you with an entire lifetime for the main character. I don’t know or I’ve certainly not read a book that shows the realities of living with endometriosis like this does, and for that it deserves all of the flowers.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

My heart 😭💕 this one is going to stay with me.



This book may only be 186 pages, but wow, does it pack a punch. What a phenomenal representation of bisexual girlhood. From falling in romantic love with your friend who doesn't reciprocate, to your first toxic girlfriend, and then pushing yourself to the other extreme of hetero relationships to fill a void. This book will stay with me and will be a frequent reread.

[Melina Mönsters · Rating 4 out of 5]

ich mochte das buch insgesamt sehr gerne, es ist sehr roh geschrieben und zeigt viele struggles über eine spanne von ca 10 jahren (?) der protagonistin. der fokus liegt darauf, inwiefern endometriose ihr leben beeinflusst.

das buch ist schon sehr drückend, weil es der person eigentlich die ganze zeit körperlich & mental schlecht geht😃 aber ich konnte mich gut in ihre perspektive einfühlen & hatte spaß daran, die story zu lesen :)

[Roisin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel the same way the backing music from passionfruit by drake does !! Heart sore and nostalgic !! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Beautifully written, short but very much impactful!! I love it when authors can acknowledge all stories don’t need to be super long and this was so easy to read in one sitting. V much recommend to Eliza Clark fans, also pleasantly surprised it was all set in Glasgow (and unpleasantly surprised by Gilmore Girls spoiler but
since I am 15 years late to the party I will let it slide)

💋🌟💋🌟💋🌟 LOVED

[natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.5) really really good and so compulsively readable, sometimes i find second person narration a bit jarring but it felt so right in this. i only wish it had been longer and perhaps more overtly queer

[Leyla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Die Szene in der ihre Eltern sie auslachen, weil sie weint und sie zu klein ist, um zu verstehen warum oder etwas dagegen zu sagen...straight to jail.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 it’s a good book but it made me a bit sad and melancholic

[Sienna Keroulis · Rating 4 out of 5]

So sweet to digest regardless of the horrors in life she finds herself in. I loved this great bisexual rep here very tender and also great character arc

[Lauren Galligan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this a lot. Lots of relatable content and a good holiday read. Interesting use of the second person ‘you’ as a narrative technique. But not sure if gender theory was the title it should’ve had? Many thoughts about this.

[Ella · Rating 5 out of 5]

phenomenal

[Orla Connell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to read this a million times

[Cami Bibliophilec · Rating 3 out of 5]

“You thought that turning eighteen would solve everything, that being in possession of a valid ID would be the only talisman you needed to have a exciting life. A life in which you would possess power and entry, and the ability to get served. These days you miss the agonies of being young. You would go back there in a heartbeat to escape the realities of adulthood. You would give away the agency that you longed for and wrote about endlessly in you diary. For stagnancy, for rules.”

Gender theory es el primer libro (que yo recuerde) que leo escrito en segunda persona, nunca refiriéndose a un "yo", sino a un "tú", en el que la protagonista te obliga a ponerse en su papel y enfrentar junto a ella una enfermedad que le ha complicado la vida, experimentar amores que la llenaban por un rato, pero nunca lo suficiente, nunca tanto como su mejor amiga Ella. Asumir su propia identidad sexual, a veces evitando hablar de ello o ponerse etiquetas, siempre buscando caer bien, siempre buscando aprobación externa.

[Abby Evancho · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 i really enjoyed this book. i feel like this genre is one of my tops it’s like no plot really just a woman figuring things out and experiencing life it just evokes a lot of thought about the world and society and feelings and what people hide and how we interact with others. and watching the main character grow and help herself and mature and reinvent herself is so beautiful

[Jess Best · Rating 5 out of 5]

probably one of the best ‘i’m in my twenties and having issues’ books i’ve read

[Eliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5! I loved this book, I thought the second person made it fascinatingly confronting, it’s honestly was uncomfortable in a good way and you are made to sit through these hardships with the untitled character and just accept them as truth rather than good or bad! LOVE!

[Eve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solid three stars, easy to read but the writing sometimes felt cliched and lazy.

[charly (normalreaders) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 - this was exquisite!!!! so raw, so real.. scrumptious. i just wish it was longer

[Lauren Ayers · Rating 5 out of 5]

really really loved this book

[Mars · Rating 5 out of 5]

The queer platonic 'Normal People' by Sally Rooney.

Amazingly examines female friendships, self-destruction and self-belief, the absolute destruction of chronic pain, and what it is to love and be loved.

I loved it!

[Erick Adams Foster · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5★

Una historia desorganizada, sin pies ni cabeza, un poco tóxica y que no conduce a ningún lado porque es fiel a su protagonista de moral gris, apática, depresiva, perdida, llena de miedo y muy humana (que bien podría, o no, ser yo).

Te amo, teoría de género, que en solo 250 págs me hiciste sentir demasiado, querer acabarte en un solo día y al mismo tiempo desear que duraras mil páginas más porque el dolor no era suficiente.

[Charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

"You can't believe how exhausting it is to keep yourself together every day, to cook nourishing meals, to walk outside and keep your room clean. You walk back to your flat and wonder if trying to like yourself will always be this hard, this constant."

I should make a separate tag or something for books that make me cry when I'm reading them on the train

[Misha · Rating 4 out of 5]

(rounded up from 3.5)

While I enjoyed this book, the title is deeply misleading since it is not at all about gender theory and mostly about endometriosis and coming to terms with a chronic illness as a young person who is unable to understand why her body is working against her.

I wish we had gone more in-depth with the characters, specifically Ella. All the characters feel shallower than I'd like and the unnamed main character is not particularly curious about anything or introspective, which makes the use of the second person feel more grounded in each moment, but at the cost of exploring any depth.

Honestly, I am disappointed that, despite the expectations set by the title, this book does not explore queerness in any depth. The unnamed main character doesn't navigate the world or an interest in having children or anything else through a queer lens, which is why I feel like this book should have been advertised as a book about endometriosis instead, which is the primary focus here. The book overall could have worked better if that was the main focus instead of messy relationships because an adversarial relationship with your own body is interesting enough as subject matter without throwing in a half-baked make-out scene with a best friend and multiple throwaway hook ups since they are immediately abandoned and never thought of or mentioned again.

A bit disappointing but worth reading for chronic illness representation at least.

[Maryah · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars but I don't feel comfortable rounding it up.

*

I need someone to explain the title to me because other than a reference to the protagonist’s first university sexual encounter being someone from her gender theory seminar, this book is quite gender normative and superficially queer.

I thought the use of second-person perspective was interesting and could have made for an impactful exploration of identity, both the protagonist’s queer identity, and being a woman with endometriosis. Unfortunately, the book fell into the trope of young women falling off the wagon because of [insert stereotype here]. In this case it’s the disappointment, shame, and loneliness that a person experiences because their body isn’t working as it should. While all of those feelings are natural and, you could even argue, normal, I’m tired of narratives that imply that a certain health condition is to blame for a character’s messiness, helplessness and dependence. It does people who live with those conditions a real disservice.

The protagonists' chronic illness/pain condition is coupled with not having a strong familial support system, or any type of support system outside of her friend Ella. It's never clearly explained why the protagonist doesn't have any other friends, and I dislike the implication that her endometriosis and uninvolved parents combo is to blame for her lack of friends. It's made clear throughout that the protagonist can make friends, however superficial, but she doesn't really have anyone outside of Ella and an ex-boyfriend who is, inexplicably, keen to support the protagonist long after they'd broken up. It's not the protagonist's unlikeability that I have an issue with, but it's the implied underlying reasons.

I don't think any of the above is helped by the fact that all of the characters, including the protagonist, are very underdeveloped. We don't know anything about Ella other than the fact that she is the protagonist's foil. We don't learn much about any of the other characters that the protagonist becomes involved with, either romantically or platonically. What we do learn is enough to emphasise how the protagonist has no real sense of self and moulds herself to whoever's company she's in.

Given that it's a short book, it can be forgiven that the secondary characters aren't as developed, but it's inexcusable to have such a flat protagonist. Despite repeated instances where her sexual orientation is discussed, the discussions and introspection remain very shallow. Nothing is explored through a queer lens. In fact, other than her relationship with Bertie and dalliances with women throughout, the protagonist is very gender normative. On two occasions, she fantasises about living a quaint, comfortable life with a male partner and their potential children. When endometriosis is considered a potential diagnosis for her gynaecological issues and pain, all that the protagonist worries about is her ability to have children because her (male) partner at the time really wants to have kids. I'm not saying that the protagonist was wrong to feel sad around potentially not being able to have kids, but at no point is this, or other issues, looked at through a queer lens.

I also felt conflicted about the fact that the protagonist only gets her life together after Ella sets boundaries in place. Again, the lack of introspection after each major event in her life was borderline unbelievable (I say borderline because I have met people who lack any self-awareness), but to go from being so uninvolved in her own life to suddenly doing a 180 and pulling her life together in the span of a few months felt a little unrealistic and too tidy. The 'breakup' with Ella wasn't the only turning point to be fair, the protagonist's appointment with a gynaecologist who truly listens and offers patient-centred care is another pivotal moment, and I can believe that finding relief and proper support for a condition that is as debilitating as endometriosis can have a profound effect on a person's life. BUT, this appointment with the gynaecologist only came after the breakup with Ella because Ella finally explicitly told her she's a bad friend and impassive about her life. I personally don't understand the reasoning behind this because the protagonist alludes to being aware that she's dependent on others, Ella especially, so she could have asked herself what they would have wanted to do at any point and therefore could have got the care and treatment she deserved earlier.

But what truly perplexed me, particularly considering the title, is that the protagonists finds meaning and purpose to her life after she accidentally falls into a nannying job. Considering a particular scene earlier on in the book and combined with the worry about having children while in a relationship with Rowan, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Oh, and again, it's a very gender normative thing considering the title is called GENDER THEORY.

Also! The queer characters that do feature feel very cliché and stereotypical. You've got the queer woman who is angry, very vocal about feminist issues, and will lecture people at any opportunity. Then you've got the queer man who takes drugs, parties and sleeps around until they find someone to try and have a serious relationship with (and the person they're dating ends up being a sleaze bag). It's just eww.

The reason I'm still swithering between 2 or 3 stars is because the book did do the following well:

1. Despite the implication that a chronic illness is partly to blame for a lot of the protagonist's poor life choices, the book did properly depict what life with a chronic illness can be like. More so when it comes to women's health. Gynaecological issues remain poorly understood because they're not properly researched or taught. There remains a lot of misinformation within the medical field around women's health, such as women not needing anaesthesia when inserting (or removing) and IUD, getting a cervix or uterus biopsy, etc. Medical gaslighting of women's symptoms and pain is also still majorly prevalent. I do think the book could have gone in more depth on what it's like to live with a chronic illness, especially through the use of the second-person perspective, but the little it did do was already incredibly (and sadly) accurate.

2. The writing style, while not for everyone, was captivating. I've seen many people describe this as a Scottish Sally Rooney, and I agree. Docherty has even emulated Rooney's preference to not use quotation marks or any other form of dialogue markers (a serious pet peeve of mine).

3. Lastly, while the characters were superficial and Ella did seem a bit like a tool to remind readers that the protagonist is in fact queer, I liked the complex yet supportive female friendship they had. It was nice seeing how a friendship can ebb and flow as we go through life, and it makes me wish more care was given to really developing the characters because this could have been a much better book otherwise.

[senny · Rating 1 out of 5]

Like Conversations with Friends but in Scotland and worse.

The main character is insufferable, obsessed with her own failings and never making any effort to change. Men fall for her left and right and she dates them even though it never really feels like she wants to. She lives her life totally passively with no agency or voice, changing her personality to fit whichever man is obsessed with her at the time. She’s a burden on her friends and the resolution of the novel comes too little too late and made me roll my eyes. I don’t get what people see in this book at all.

[Ciara Hanley · Rating 4 out of 5]

An absolute sucker punch of a book, unpacking so many heavy themes in such a short amount of pages. Madeline Docherty explores themes of sexuality, chronic illness, femininity, identity, depression and loneliness with a confident ease. The second person narration and punchy vignettes propelled the plot forward, speaking to the main character’s struggles with self. Just beautifully executed x