The Lifecycle of a Crush: A Novel

by Vanessa Zian

The best plan is no match for kismet.

Desiree Hatson’s crush on Taven Carlisle had been instantaneous, starting when they were just teenagers. But when their families later became sworn enemies, Desiree and Taven were forbidden from ever seeing each other.

While Taven struggled to deny his pull toward Desiree, his own demons and loyalty to his family meant walking away and breaking her heart.

Desiree, unaware of the deception behind the scenes, never understood what tore their families apart all those years ago. She tells herself she doesn’t care, the past is in the past. But Taven’s sudden reappearance in her life reminds her that she needs to know why they could never be together. Within the shredded fabrics of truth, perhaps young crushes can courageously progress to the final phase - true love.

Genres: Mental Health

384 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 10, 2025

About the author

Vanessa Zian is a therapist by day and a romance author by night. Her passion is writing psychological romance focused on journeys of self-discovery, the messiness of being human, healing, and of course, aallll the passion! Vanessa lives in Delaware with her childhood crush-turned-husband, their four kids, and their rescue pup Mikka. And lots of high heels.

Reviews

[tina maisonette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Im a dark romance girlie through and through, so I didn’t expect to fall this hard for a contemporary—but WOW. This was my first Vanessa Zian book, and now I’m fully obsessed.

Taven and Desiree’s story is full of forbidden love, second chances, family drama, healing, and mental health awareness. It gave me butterflies and chest pain in the best way. The flashbacks were done so well—nostalgic, emotional, and still totally grown-up.

I loved the added POVs from their parents—it gave the story depth and showed how much generational trauma can shape us.
This book had me in a chokehold. I laughed, cried, and screamed. Absolute perfection.

[Leah McVey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I DEVOURED THIS BOOK

Now I’m sad it’s over.
This was definitely Vanessa Zian’s best book to date, in my opinion.

Forbidden love, Redemption, Family rivalry, second chance, friends to lovers, healing and growth. Mental health awareness.

I always start by saying that contemporary romance is not what I usually gravitate towards; I usually enjoy a good fantasy world. If you told me I would be considering this book one of my favorites of all time I would not have believed you but here it is folks! This book brings you back to all the high school nostalgia of a young crush, and maybe helps you heal a little bit too!

Enter Taven Carlisle, and Desiree, two people reunited by fate, in their adulthood, who have a long history of love, hate, insecurity, tension, tragedy and drama!
This story is primary told through flashbacks which I think was a great way to incorporate the teenage years without it feeling like it was a young adult novel, very much still having an adult tone, yet more of a reflection than getting lost in the immaturity of adolescent minds.

I loved the added POV of Lynda Carlisle and Desiree’s father, showing us that complexity of relationships and how things all around us have an impact on our lives. There are sometimes greater forces at work and when things are meant to be they will happen at the right time.

The Lifecycle of a crush has ALL THE YEARNING for the perfect satisfying ending. The Spicy rating for this book is a 2/5 for me but I think it is so well done that you don’t need it. I think if there was more smut it would take away from the essence of the story, which is how a course of actions over a lifetime affect our lives.

Desiree is our goody two shoes and Taven is our rebellious teen (against his parents) and I love the way in which Zian shows us how our adolescent minds tend to overthink by showing us the comparison of what the other is thinking. Truly helps you to make those same realizations, and how they never go away, just change shape into adulthood.

UGHHHH I just loved it so much I don’t know how to express that in more words than AHHHHHH it was AMAZING! BEAUTIFUL! WONDERFUL! TALENTED!

Trigger warning for SA and addiction.

So beautifully written, had me in a chokehold the whole time! I would have read this in one sitting if life would have allowed for that lol.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨Mini Book Review ✨

🌺 The Lifecycle of a Crush - Vanessa Zian 🌺
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🌶️🌶️

This was my first book by Vanessa Zian and I really enjoyed it! But oh my gosh, what a rollercoaster of a book, in the best way of course. I didn’t think I could go through so many different emotions of being happy, mad, back to swooning again. The flashback timelines of Desiree and Taven’s friendship really bought this story alive. I loved seeing their friendship blossom from such a young age into adulthood. Although I found myself frustrated with Taven at times I thought their whole journey was quite beautiful, messy but beautiful nonetheless. The little twist at the end bought the whole story full circle, and I felt like everyone finally got their happy ending 🩷

Would recommend if you like:
✨ First Love
✨ Family Rivals
✨ Forbidden Romance
✨ Redemption
✨ Friends to Lovers

The Lifecycle of a Crush is out now and you can find it on KU!

A big Thank You to @vanessa_zian and @hambright_pr for the e-arc in exchange for my honest review!

[Paige Kateeb · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Lifecycle of a Crush by Vanessa Zian
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Y’all — I LOVED this book. It had me deep in my feelings!

Please check the trigger warnings first — this story deals with some heavy topics, but Vanessa Zian handles them so beautifully.

When I tell you my jaw was on the FLOOR multiple times… whew. I absolutely ate this book up.

Taven and Desiree were meant to find each other, and the way everything came full circle in the last few chapters? Chef’s kiss.

Tropes:
♥️ First Love
🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 Family Rivals
🚫 Forbidden Romance
❤️‍🔥 Redemption
☠️ “Touch Her and Die”
🥈 Second Chance
😍 Friends to Lovers
🏹 Opposites Attract

Massive thanks to Hambright PR and Vanessa Zian for the ARC!

This one will wreck you in the best way possible Times TEN😉

[Camis.little.library · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING! Oh my, you guys- this book was such an amazing roller coaster of emotions.

A heart breaking love story, and all of the trials a relationship and friendship can go through from childhood to adulthood. This story does end in a HEA, but man will it put you through it to get there.

There are so many twist and turns in this, I never knew what was coming, even down to the last few chapters.

Coming of age, personal growth, found family, romance, second (or third, or maybe even fourth) chance - all found in this beautiful story.

I beg the author, we need a Dylan story!! 🫶

*This story deals with trauma, mental health, addiction and SA- go in with caution besties- your mental health matters 💕*

[Shelby Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Desiree met Taven when they were teens. They became friends but from the moment she laid eyes on him, she wanted it to be more. Their parents were friends and business partners, but when this all falls apart, they are forced to stop contact with each other. Years of on and off attempts to be together leave them reuniting after five years of no contact, still reeling in the strong feelings they had as teens. Will timing finally be on their side?

Wow - Vanessa DID that. I loved this story. It had so much depth, so much character development. The story was complex and well thought out, down to some Easter eggs that are later revealed to be details more important that imagined when you read them at first. I really resonated with Desiree having a crush that felt unrequited and how she acted because of it - definitely reminded me of my teen years. I will say that I feel for the side characters who were impacted by the “will they, won’t they” of Taven and Desiree over the years - I KNOW they probably felt like they were caught in something toxic 😂 but I loved seeing how the characters grew over the years. Beautiful story! Be sure to check triggers on this one!

[Anna Chulkova · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I still love her. Like no time has passed. All the affection I've ever held for my Dazzle, lying dormant in the depths of my heart, now all crawling back out."

Story starts with Taven and Desiree who for years can't find the right time to be together, it's a bloom of a slow burn crush. But so many secrets and wrong moments are keeping them apart.
It is a first love story that brings the characters together years later after a very rare accident and offer them a second chance. And they did great and showed us an amazing personal growth!

It was very interesting idea to divide the book into lifecycle phases, really catching and engaging! How we all go through this first awkward stages to the deep, overwhelming love. It's very relatable to everyone.
I enjoyed flashbacks and multi POV. It creates a great dynamics and depth.

Serious topics of trauma, healing, mental health representation are made with great details and precision.

I think it's a great book for everyone who is ready to explore more serious romantic topics.

[Karen B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. Exceptional. And any and all terms to say “it’s THAT good.” The prose, the POVs, the premise and plot, the timelines, truths, trauma and topics-all unique, intriguing and riveting (with an insider therapist twist). The characters, their growth, their actions and thoughts, intimacy and spice-real, relatable, gutting. This story follows Desiree and Taven over almost two decades…and how the four phases of a lifecycles of a crush impacts so many aspects of their lives, during different times of their lives. I recalled my crushes, I felt all the emotions, I could not stop reading and wanting…no, needing to find out how everything fit together. 100% positive this will be a top read for me this year.

(Mental health matters-there are potentially triggering topics addressed in this story.)

I had the pleasure to read early from the author and Hambright PR.

[Cassandra Weyers · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW just wow. This was an emotional book for me. I went in thinking it was a cute romance. But I didn’t realize the heartbreak I would be enduring. It is a happy ending but you have to go through some emotions to get there.

I found love, hope and transformation in this book and I absolutely was stunned my this wonderful book! The forbidden love in this book was literally heartbreaking. Everything the main characters went through just to love each other makes me think anything is possible!

[Shannon Mayhan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Guys!!! This book is as SO amazing. Vanessa has this way of developing characters and giving them these perfect flaws. Making them so incredibly human. You don’t read her books and see these perfect people. You read these books and see real people. You see yourself, your sister, your husband etc.

This story is about young love and the cycles it goes through. The trials and tribulations. Losing each other and finding their way back. There were several turns the story took that dropped my jaw. It’s so much more than a love story. It’s real and raw. Upsets of families, betrayal, and the devastation choices can make. And THEN something is revealed near the end that blew my mind. Also, so I see a set up for book 2? I think I might.

[Michellelovesreading · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. I read it in a couple days. I love second chance romance.

Stars:⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Spice:🌶️🌶️🌶️

[it.sgottabethebooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

The way the author weaves this story hits all the feels. It was raw and riveting. I found myself on an emotional roller coaster. I went into this book blind and was surprised at how this new to me author instantly captivated me. It was so much more than just a standard romance. The characters were well-developed allowing me to feel a connection with them. Especially with the past and present jumps throughout the book. I was fully invested in their journey and couldn’t wait to get to the hea.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Before getting into this review I'd like to state that this book, although a romance, contains a lot of heavy topics (Including SA, addiction, cheating, etc.) that may be triggering to some readers. *

Desiree Hatson is by accounts a 'Goody two shoes', coming from a family that has been trying to strike it rich for quite some time. Her father finally finds some success with his Medi-Spa business plan after a wealthy family invests. Enter the Carlisles and their two children.
Taven Carlisle is the youngest member of the family (not quite so goody two shoes) and about the same age as Desiree, so when these two families partner in business they are thrown together on numerous occasions - thus creating the first stage of a crush.
We follow the story as the crush develops stage by stage and right as young love is starting to blossom something horrific happens that pushes the two families apart.
(The incident is kept secret from Desiree for 15 years!)
Although torn apart by this rip in families throughout the years Taven and Desiree find themselves back together numerous times but none of those times are the "right" time or "healthy" time for either of them.
Desiree is struggling with the things that have happened to her and Taven is struggling with addiction.
Years later, Desiree is struck by lightning (literally!), and Taven just so happens to be there and convinces her to let him take care of her for 48 hours.
Over this time period so many things are revealed to Desiree.
Can she handle the weight of all these truths?
Will this crush finally be able to turn into the final stage of love?

I really enjoyed this book.
Although, it deals with heavy themes I feel like it was done not only well but realistically which some books can lack when dealing with these topics. I, also, feel like not only did we get a love story but we also get to watch Desiree grow as a woman, we get to watch her learn acceptance, self love, worth and compassion for other people which she had, admittedly, often judged.

This book contains multiple point of views, so the story is told thoroughly from various angles including the parents. It also jumps back and forth in time mixing in the backstory with the present situation.

Definitely recommend giving this book a try.

[Cheyenne Branham · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Lifecycle of a Crush
By Vanessa Zian

ARC Review✨!!!

4/5 ⭐️

I truly love and appreciate this book, I received it as an ARC and currently with my own life this book just hit the spot. Not only does it tell the devastating beautiful story of young love and the transformation of it throughout the year. It also shows how life can affect such a fragile thing as love by ultimately having to choose whether it’s the right time or not to love. How life can throw a wrench into anyone’s “plans” and only time will truly tell if someone is special. Vanessa did a truly amazing job at show casing the love between Desiree and Taven, and how it both changed them as individuals, and how they learned and grew from it. The flashbacks within the story were slightly confusing for me at times but overall it’s what gave us that inside look between the MMC and FMC so I appreciated it once I got the hang of it.

[Tommie G · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Lifecycle Of A Crush - Vanessa Zian

Thank you @vanessa_zian and @hambright_pr for this gifted Ebook

Published April 10th

My Review:
My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Pages: 384
Genre: Romance
Nickname: Dazzle
Tropes:

💘First Love
💘Family Rivals
💘Forbidden Romance
💘Redemption
💘Touch Her and Die
💘Second chance
💘Friends to Lovers
💘Opposites Attract

This is Taven and Desiree’s story.
This book was perfection! I love the style it was written in. Rotating from Shen the first met to different years in their relationship. It wasn’t had to follow at all. It aids the reader in learning their history, their trials and tribulations and what formed them into the couple they became.

Their journey was by no means easy. It was filled with one hurdle after another laced with unknown history of one of their parents each.

It’s a story of overcoming addiction of learning self acceptance, of learning who and what is most important in life and to never settle

This book is a lesson in life. That it’s not all sunshine and roses, but survival and holding true to oneself and to love.

I can’t recommend this book highly enough! I’d give it 100 stars if possible!

#booktok #bookstagram #books #booklover #bookrecommendations #bookstagrammer #bookish #bookworm #readersofinstagram #bookreview #read #bibliophile #booksofinstagram #bookblogger #thriller #mystery #suspence #romance #thelifecycleofacrush #vanessazian #hambright_pr

[Mood, Vibes & Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! This book was some ride. I always like to keep my reviews short, but there is no way to be able to do that with this story. Taven and Desiree’s love is a bulletproof kind of love for sure. The story had so many twist and turns, it is also the kind of story that will keep you going so you’ll lnow what happens next. There was so much going on that I don’t have enough words to summarize without given anything away.

All I could say to anyone interested in reading this book is to check your trigger warnings, and if you are ok with them go ahead and give this book a chance.

Thank you to Hambright PR and author Vanessa Zian for this ARC opportunity.

[Jacklyn B · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really good read! I loved this second chance romance for Desiree and Taven. We get romance and family drama, nostalgia and tragedy. The tension between these two was so good!! We also get some good twists too!

I loved the use of flashbacks and multiple POV to tell the story. Even after all these years there was no question they shared a connection. They have to navigate their family drama and pasts and have some things to work through.

The character growth is done really well - both Desiree and Taven felt so authentic and it was impossible not to root for them! They go through so many different emotions!

⚠️I would check the trigger warnings before reading!

✨What To Expect:
💕Contemporary Romance
💖First Love
⚔️Family Rivals
🚫Forbidden Romance
✌️Second chance
💋Friends to Lovers
🧲Opposites Attract
❤️‍🔥Redemption
🖤Touch Her & ☠️

[Kearstin Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute heartbreaker

So many emotions flood this book but the writing is phenomenal

This book covers deep topics of addiction, trauma and much more

The challenges and absolute pain throughout the story connects you to the characters.

Extremely well written

The characters grow so much throughout this story

I had bad thoughts about Lynda and Melissa at the beginning but by the end I loved them

[Mindy Menotti bookishly_mindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book so much! It felt so
Real and raw and relatable and all the in between.

The author truly has a talent with how she tells a story and keeps you on the edge of your seat.

A definite winner here, my romance girlies!

Thank you to the author and Hambright PR for the ARC 💞

[jenniferlea · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.75

This is the first book I’ve read by Vanessa Zian & hope to read another in the future
Make sure when reading other than looking at the POV (there are multiple) that you also check the time frame….the story bounces from past to present day…you definitely need the past to fill in the blanks sometimes in the present
I’m not going to lie…there are a few twists you will never see coming….I honestly think those twists made the story….a couple of them ripped my heart out but for completely different reasons….fortunately one came to their senses & made everything right in my world
If you are looking for or enjoy reading a

🩷 friends to lovers
🩷 second chance
🩷 touch her & ☠️
🩷 forbidden romance

Give this one a read….just be prepared…some heavy topics are discussed through out so check out the content/trigger warnings before reading

[Amber | aambuurreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

A romance story that reads more like Women's Fiction, took ahold of me and didn't want to let go. This was a very different 'romance' journey for me because it was written so differently than I'm used to. But nevertheless, I really enjoyed it!
The story followed Desiree and Taven, the former best friends turned childhood sweethearts turned best friends again.
It was interesting the way Vanessa Zian laid the story out between past and present and also alternative points of view. But everything came around full circle and I was gasping at how everything came about.
I zoomed through the last half because I could NOT STOP READING! It had me in a chokehold.

[Mandy Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a reader who typically gravitates toward intense smut and complex trigger warnings, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I picked up The Lifecycle of a Crush. I had never heard of Vanessa Zian before, but something about the tropes and the blurbs intrigued me, so I decided to take a chance. And I’m SO glad I did!
This book is not something I would normally go for, but it quickly became one of those stories that gets under your skin and stays with you long after you turn the final page. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that had me clenching my heart, stomach in knots, and completely in love with the characters.
The story follows Taven and Desiree (or “Dazzle”), childhood best friends whose relationship evolves from sweethearts to a whirlwind of chaos. Their journey is messy, painful, and absolutely beautiful. The way they navigate their complicated connection—with love, trust, and heartache—makes their bond feel utterly authentic. It’s the kind of relationship that is tested by both internal and external forces, and trust me, the obstacles they face are NO joke!
One of the things I loved most about this book is the rawness of the character growth. Taven and Dazzle both go through such intense, human evolutions—changes that are so well-written that they feel both realistic and aspirational. Watching them find their way back to each other, years later, in their best forms and finally ready to embrace the love they once couldn’t fully have? Heart-wrenching and cathartic. I’ll admit it—I cried more than once.
Vanessa Zian has created a world that you can’t help but want to escape into. It’s emotional, beautiful, and packed with the kind of growth that makes you root for the characters every step of the way. The Lifecycle of a Crush isn’t just a love story; it’s a testament to how we can grow, heal, and find ourselves—and maybe, just maybe, get the happy ending we’ve been waiting for all along.
I can’t thank Vanessa Zian and Hambright PR enough for providing me with an ARC of this gorgeous book. I am beyond excited to see what else she has in store, and I can’t wait to devour everything she’s ever written. If you love heartwarming, emotional, and character-driven stories, this one is a MUST-read.

[AmyzBookNook · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved The Lifecycle of a Crush by Vanessa Zian. This was the first book I’ve read by this author, and I think she might be my new auto-buy author. The book was amazing and touched on a wide range of emotions and heavy topics, which was done very well.

The story follows Desiree as she navigates her journey from teenage years to adulthood, experiencing the ups and downs of her first love along with the awkwardness and family dynamics that accompany it. The book shifts between multiple perspectives and timelines, alternating between past and present. There is a lot of backstory that reveal secrets and truths along the way. Throughout it all, Desiree has a crush on Taven, and her love for him is undeniable. However, different life choices complicate their relationship. Taven is a rebel, living on the wild side, while Desiree prefers to play it safe. She grows significantly throughout the story and faces many challenges.

I highly recommend The Lifecycle of a Crush. The writing was very engaging and the story was quite addicting.

Thank you to @vanessa_zian and @pageandvinebooks for the e-ARC copy.

[Daniele Cunha · Rating 5 out of 5]

✨ ARC Review ✨

5 ⭐️

Wow. I literally could not stop reading. I needed to know what happened, how things were going to resolve, if there was a HEA. Heavy topics were discussed throughout the book and they were done SO WELL.

The story centers around childhood friends (crushes) Taven and Desiree who reconnect by fate in adulthood. You’re on a journey through their story. Woven with difficult family drama and heartache. This book follows multiple POVs, goes back in time but it’s easy to follow. You get information early in the story that aligns with something you find out later on.

Not many books have kept me up until midnight but this was one of them. This is my first book from Vanessa Zian and it surly will not be my last.

“True transformation isn’t about changing - it’s about finally allowing yourself to be exactly who you’ve always been at the core”

🌸second chance
🌸touch her and ☠️
🌸forbidden romance
🌸friends to lovers
🌸check triggers before reading
🌸first love

[Courtney P · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good story. I liked seeing them throughout the years and how their relationship changed. There were some pretty heavy topics throughout the story, but I feel the author did a good job navigating them.

Heavy topics include alcoholism, cheating, death of a parent, r*pe, & SA.

Thank you for the ARC copy, all opinions are my own.

[darkromancexo · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🌶️🌶️

Taven & Desiree

‼️Please read the TWs before reading they’re rough and your mental health and well being matter

My first ever book by Vanessa Zian and her writing is so good I didn’t want to put this book down.
This book is about two young people who overcome so many obstacles to finally being together.
They meet at a concert and Desiree is captivated by Taven she can’t keep her eyes on him her first crush. The more their parents hang around they do too. And the more Desiree falls for Taven, in her eyes he couldn’t do no wrong even if there were signs, her crush was everything. Until they get together and months later have to break up under rough in unrelated to them. They see one another every couple of years they get together then every time it would be back to square one of them being friends. Would they ever be together after fighting their own demons?
This story has a lot of serious issues that some people go through. And I loved how this story was told from the ups and downs, each one fighting their own demons or battles and seeing how they rise above.

[Malyshka_flammareads · Rating 4 out of 5]

“𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐞𝐧,”

I really liked how relatable the majority of the characters were in this novel. battling fears and self-doubt, questioning one's value, and having trouble distinguishing oneself from all the different parts of oneself. Self-discovery, addiction, friendship, consequences, and fate are among the topics covered in this book.

In this book, two childhood lovers who were separated by fate find their way back to one another. When Desiree and Taven started together, time was never on their side. They are always being torn apart by something. They now meet when they are older and emotionally more mature, which I love. The cheating part bothered me; I would have liked it better if he had broken up with her the moment he met Dazzle, knowing that he still loved her. He did, however, terminate it sooner. I would have been in awe of how he was caring for Desiree in the early hours because they were so adorable. Although he was very attentive, I was hesitant because of his status quo.

When Desiree was a teenager, she battled self-doubt and insecurities. Although she did some questionable things in the name of love, I'm grateful that she only ever considered them. I'm proud of the person she became. I will always believe that Taven gave her far less than what she deserved. He would always keep her at a distance and then approach her when it was convenient for him, which I didn't enjoy. But I'm happy that Taven finally deserved her.

Taven is having a hard time living up to his parents' expectations. Drinking becomes his buddy. We witness the process of self-discovery he undergoes. Removing the many layers he had hidden deep within himself. Realising his own dream and pursuing it. I would be upset with him for something he did in Desiree POV. However, I would go to his chapter and learn about his current emotions and point of view.

All I saw in Lynda was a woman who had been dealt a lousy hand in life and attempted to turn things around. Finally, she was successful, and she made every effort to prevent anyone in her family from ever going through what she had.

As one of the characters who deserves the best, Holly, I'm so sad you didn't receive the treatment you were due. I'm happy you had your kids and friends around.

Frank, you pathetic excuse of a man. I've been enraged by characters before and luckily for them. I've forgotten them, but this human here is the newest low, and he'll blame his trauma for being a lousy idiot with the worst manners. And the fact that Franks do exist out there in the world breaks my heart and saddens me. “Oh, Frank Hatson is just a broken little boy that’s starved for love.”

I'm hoping Melissa has a chance with Dylan. The fact that Evelyn ended things made me really happy and proud of my girl. Get the love you deserve and cherish it. I experienced conflicting emotions while reading this novel; in the early section, I was swept away by their crush and their innocence, cuteness, and purity as teenagers. However, as they grew older, I learnt about all of the characters—their shortcomings and all. It allowed me to think about various things in depth. Along with the good and the bad, I also experienced impatience, excitement, anticipation, despair, and happiness.

[Heather Becht (fantasyromantasy) · Rating 5 out of 5]

"True transformation isn't about changing—it's about finally allowing yourself to be exactly who you've always been at the core."

I devoured this book in one night. After reading the dedication, I knew that I would love this book: “My girlfriends will always remain my favorite crushes.”

This captivating story is divided into four phases, each highlighting the lifecycle of a crush. The chapter titles perfectly summarize the various stages of infatuation and love. Vanessa skillfully evokes nostalgia, transporting readers back to their childhood crushes and those familiar, awkward feelings filled with butterflies and insecurities. The themes of childhood trauma healing and mental health representation are prominent throughout the story. The protagonist, Desiree—a 30-year-old pediatrician—reflects on her obsession with her crush on Taven, which began at the age of 13. Desiree is portrayed with remarkable depth. Her journey from an obsessed teenager to a professional adult dealing with personal loss and past trauma is both authentic and relatable. The story artfully bounces between present day and flashbacks from 17 years ago, capturing the essence of longing and love through a narrative that alternates between present day and their shared past.

Having recently lost my father, I felt a deep connection to Desiree's pain and this book resonated deeply with me, particularly with its themes of addiction, sexual assault, and parental loss, which I found incredibly healing having personally experienced some of those things. The narrative reminds us that “there’s a silver lining in the darkest of experiences. You just have to be open to finding it.”

The dynamic between Desiree and Taven showcases the challenges of past mistakes in young love and the impact of trauma. Their love story reflects the messiness of life, while also portraying resilience and growth. Vanessa beautifully illustrates the phases of awkward crushes, childhood best friends, and first loves. This book offers experiences that many readers can relate to. It’s a heartfelt exploration of love, loss, and personal growth that I thoroughly enjoyed. The author's background as a therapist adds credibility to the psychological aspects of the narrative, and I highly recommend this book!

𝓣𝓻𝓸𝓹𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓥𝓲𝓫𝓮𝓼:
💕 First Love
💕 Family Rivals
💕 Forbidden Romance
💕 Redemption
💕 Touch Her and ☠️
💕 Second Chance
💕 Friends to Lovers
💕 Opposites Attract
💕 Mental Health Awareness
💕 Trauma Healing
💕 Multiple POVs
💕 Flashback Storyline
💕 Personal Growth and Healing
💕 Family Dynamics and Loss

“I still love her. Like no time has passed. All the affection I’ve ever held for my Dazzle, lying dormant in the depths of my heart, now all crawling back out.”

[The Shelf Collective · Rating 4 out of 5]

💘 The Lifecycle of a Crush—AKA That One Crush You Never Get Over 💘

You know that one crush? The one that had you doodling hearts in your notebook, overanalyzing every conversation, and maybe even making a playlist that you swear wasn’t about them? (It totally was. No judgment. 😏) Well, Desiree Hatson has that crush, and his name is Taven Carlisle.

From the moment 13-year-old Des lays eyes on him, she’s a goner. But life moves on, right? WRONG. Seventeen years later, fate (or maybe just really bad luck?) throws Taven right back into her life, forcing her to confront all the feelings she never quite let go of. Cue chaos, angst, and heart-fluttering moments galore. 😍

Vanessa Zian nails the experience of first loves, second chances, and all the emotional baggage that comes with them. Told in four phases—mirroring the actual lifecycle of a crush (brilliant, btw), this book takes you on a nostalgic, sometimes frustrating, but ultimately heartwarming ride.

✨ Things I Loved:
✔️ The past & present storytelling—like a puzzle slowly coming together
✔️ All the emotional depth (angst, desire, regret etc)
✔️ The tension between Des & Taven? SPICY, DELICIOUS, PERFECT 🔥
✔️ That relatable, messy, ugh-why-are-feelings-like-this kind of love story

⚠️ Trigger Warnings: This book touches on childhood trauma, grief, mental health struggles, SA, toxic family dynamics, and loss. While these themes are handled thoughtfully, they might be heavy for some readers, so keep that in mind before diving in.

📖 Final Verdict: If you love stories that hit you right in the feels, make you scream at the characters (in a loving way), and remind you of your own cringey but iconic crush era, this one’s for you. 4⭐️ and a strong recommend!

Thank you Hambright PR and Vanessa Zian for the eARC!

[Ashlley · Rating 4 out of 5]

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙮𝙘𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝘾𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝 𝙗𝙮 𝙑𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙖 𝙕𝙞𝙖𝙣

★★★★ (4.50/5)

Thank you, Vanessa and Hambright PR for the ARC! ♡

Aside from the blurb, I didn’t really know what to expect going into this, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for the heavy themes woven into Desiree and Taven’s beautiful story.

** Just a heads up before you start, definitely check the trigger warnings. Some parts of the story can get a little heavy and might not be for everyone. **

Despite the heavy topics, I genuinely think Vanessa did such a great job conveying everything in a way that felt real. Nothing about the story came off as forced or implausible. The writing style was also different from what I’m used to—but in the best way. It was thoughtful and beautifully done. Vanessa captured the feeling of what it’s like to have your first real crush—the butterflies, the awkwardness, the thrill, and even the heartache that can come with it. She didn’t shy away from the messy parts either, and I appreciated how both the joy and pain were given space to breathe. It was beautiful.

While I did find myself wishing for a bit more development in certain parts, especially when it came to some of the introspective moments, I also understand how those same reflections added a certain beauty to the story. There were also a few instances where the pacing felt a little off, like the narrative veered slightly away from the core of the story. One moment in particular that I think had the potential for more impact was Desiree's dynamic with her father. Without giving too much away, I feel like a deeper confrontation or resolution there could’ve really added more emotional depth to the story.

Overall, this was such a beautifully written story, told through multiple POVs that gave a deeper glimpse into each character’s heart and mind. Highly recommended!!