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My Mother Wears Combat Boots: A Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us
A parenting guide like no other! Jessica Mills, a touring punk musician, artist, and political activist, gives readers a delightful, information-packed guide to having and raising kids without giving up your politics, art, or life. Disappointed by run-of-the-mill parenting books that didn't speak to her experience, Jessica set out to write a book tackling the issues faced by a new generation of moms and dads. The result is a parenting guide like no other. Written with humor, extensive research, and much trial and error, My Mother Wears Combat Boots delivers sound advice for parents of all stripes. Amid stories of bringing kids (and grandparents) to women's rights demonstrations, taking baby on tour with her band, and organizing cooperative childcare, Jessica gives detailed nuts-and-bolts information about weaning, cloth vs. disposable diapers, the psychological effects of co-sleeping, and even how to get free infant gear. This book provides a clever, hip, and entertaining mix of advice, anecdotes, political analysis, and factual sidebars that will help parents as they navigate the first years of their child's life.
"Jessica Mills is a great writer with a lot to say and the heart, guts, brains, and perseverance it takes to do it. My Mother Wears Combat Boots is an instant classic, the latest in the evolution of punk sensibilities into sustainable community full of real life experience and well-researched inquiry. It will take another generation before a parenting book has the cutting edge insight, yet stable strength, of this collection."
—China Martens, author of The Future A Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends & Others
"This is the most sympathetic read I've come across in my travels as a punk parent and musician. It's nice to know that there is someone else in the world that understands 'The Life' and is not afraid to put her insights in print. Thank you, Jessica."
—Ara Babajian, (drummer for The Slackers)
" My Mother Wears Combat Boots helps to pave the way for a whole new generation of moms with advice on the down to earth essentials of parenting, it's also further proof that you don't have to stop Rockin' once you have become a parent. I found this to be an invaluable resource as a new mom!"
—Chris(tine) Boarts Larson, editor of Slug & Lettuce
"Sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartwarming, Jessica Mills is brilliant in her own down-to-earth way. My Mother Wears Combat Boots avoids the pitfalls of the polemical and preachy and serves as an entertaining guide to how to raise a child into more than another blind consumer."
—Sean Carswell, Razorcake magazine
"How unreal and yet real it is to have a mother of two bring along a babysitter on tour in a wonderful refusal to be 'tied down' by motherhood-and now have the experience written up in intelligent and captivating prose, alongside a wealth of 'how-to' info and inspiring stories that relate touring to family life and in the process redefine both. Excellent!"
—Dick Lucas, Subhumans / Citizen Fish
"Jessica Mills is a great writer with a lot to say and the heart, guts, brains, and perseverance it takes to do it. My Mother Wears Combat Boots is an instant classic, the latest in the evolution of punk sensibilities into sustainable community full of real life experience and well-researched inquiry. It will take another generation before a parenting book has the cutting edge insight, yet stable strength, of this collection."
—China Martens, author of The Future A Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends & Others
"This is the most sympathetic read I've come across in my travels as a punk parent and musician. It's nice to know that there is someone else in the world that understands 'The Life' and is not afraid to put her insights in print. Thank you, Jessica."
—Ara Babajian, (drummer for The Slackers)
" My Mother Wears Combat Boots helps to pave the way for a whole new generation of moms with advice on the down to earth essentials of parenting, it's also further proof that you don't have to stop Rockin' once you have become a parent. I found this to be an invaluable resource as a new mom!"
—Chris(tine) Boarts Larson, editor of Slug & Lettuce
"Sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartwarming, Jessica Mills is brilliant in her own down-to-earth way. My Mother Wears Combat Boots avoids the pitfalls of the polemical and preachy and serves as an entertaining guide to how to raise a child into more than another blind consumer."
—Sean Carswell, Razorcake magazine
"How unreal and yet real it is to have a mother of two bring along a babysitter on tour in a wonderful refusal to be 'tied down' by motherhood-and now have the experience written up in intelligent and captivating prose, alongside a wealth of 'how-to' info and inspiring stories that relate touring to family life and in the process redefine both. Excellent!"
—Dick Lucas, Subhumans / Citizen Fish
260 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2007
About the author
Jessica Mills
20 books36 followersLibrarian note:
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Jessica Mills - Romance, Contemporary
There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
This profile may contain books from multiple authors of this name
For other authors of this name, see:
Jessica Mills - Romance, Contemporary
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
February 19, 2008
In my inexhaustible search for pregnancy/parenting guides that don't make me want to gouge out my own eyeballs with a spork, I came across this little gem at Broad Vocabulary, after reading a flyer that they had up for an in-store author appearance. The first few chapters had my Skept-O-Vision going full blast, as the authoress, Jessica Mills, talks a lot about attachment parenting, which she is into, and I am not so keen on. There are aspects of attachment parenting that set off alarms in my feminist sensors. Plus, and I admit, this is a bias I have, sometimes punkies come across to me as kinda' being radical blow-hards, and I was worried that that might be the case here. (It's weird that this would annoy me, since I, myself, am a shameless progressive, but whatevs.)
I have to say, though, that while I don't agree with every single little tidbit of philosophy/advice in MMWCB, it is certainly one of the best parenting books I've come across so far. The book is sort of half guide, half memoir, which makes for a more engaging read, and Jessica Mills incorporates way more feminist politics into her guide than my other experiences with attachment parenting might suggest.
Plus, it is the ONLY parenting guide that I've found that really addresses some of the issues that one faces as a radical/progressive parent, or as a working artist/musician parent. There are chapters on touring with tots, taking your kids to political rallies, and on avoiding gender-coding and commercialism, plus a chapter guest-written by a radical stay-at-home dad. All things that, at least in my world, are very, very useful.
Of course, there are about a zillion ways to parent your kids and a zillion issues to think about as a mama, so I don't really expect any guide to be perfect, and there were a few things I wished were discussed more. One thing I still haven't found in any book is a really well-rounded discussion of breastfeeding, women's feelings about it, its positives AND negatives, its feminist implications, etc. A chapter dealing with the often-times lack of support for moms within radical arts subcultures would have been a good addition, too.
Overall, though, I would HIGHLY recommend this book to radical & feminist moms and dads, if for no other reason than it feels damn good to know that you're not the only person on earth who thinks it's perfectly possible and acceptable to take your kid on tour with you.
I have to say, though, that while I don't agree with every single little tidbit of philosophy/advice in MMWCB, it is certainly one of the best parenting books I've come across so far. The book is sort of half guide, half memoir, which makes for a more engaging read, and Jessica Mills incorporates way more feminist politics into her guide than my other experiences with attachment parenting might suggest.
Plus, it is the ONLY parenting guide that I've found that really addresses some of the issues that one faces as a radical/progressive parent, or as a working artist/musician parent. There are chapters on touring with tots, taking your kids to political rallies, and on avoiding gender-coding and commercialism, plus a chapter guest-written by a radical stay-at-home dad. All things that, at least in my world, are very, very useful.
Of course, there are about a zillion ways to parent your kids and a zillion issues to think about as a mama, so I don't really expect any guide to be perfect, and there were a few things I wished were discussed more. One thing I still haven't found in any book is a really well-rounded discussion of breastfeeding, women's feelings about it, its positives AND negatives, its feminist implications, etc. A chapter dealing with the often-times lack of support for moms within radical arts subcultures would have been a good addition, too.
Overall, though, I would HIGHLY recommend this book to radical & feminist moms and dads, if for no other reason than it feels damn good to know that you're not the only person on earth who thinks it's perfectly possible and acceptable to take your kid on tour with you.
September 17, 2011
other reviewers have said that they found elements of this book too strident, but i thought it was great. i have been a fan of jessica mills's zines since before she ever became a mom, & i occasionally read her parenting columns in various punk publications. this book is a collection of all those columns, fleshed out with more autobiographical background, as well as a lot of practical information on everything from fetal development to mastitis home remedies to the role of TV in a toddler's life to setting up your own freeskool to childhood gender coding. jessica seems to be an advocate of attachment parenting, which certainly isn't for everyone, & can be kind of a strident movement, but i'm interested in attachment parenting as well, so i was more than interested in reading about someone's real life applications.
this book isn't perfect (the text is tiny, for example, especially in the sidebars--this makes it more textbook-ish than is really necessary), but i'm so relieved that it exists. i have been reading a lot of books about pregnancy & parenting lately & most of them make a whole raft of assumptions about their readers that in no way apply to my life. while i am unlikely to take my baby on tour any time soon, i appreciated jessica's attempts to recognize that no every new parent is necessarily partnered, straight, married, class privileged, indifferent to political activism, down for gender coding, etc. i think there is a lot to pick & choose from here, but perspectives like jessica's are so marginalized within mainstream parenting voices that i would be willing to recommend this to pretty much any new parent. my boyfriend is reading it right now & learning tons!
this book isn't perfect (the text is tiny, for example, especially in the sidebars--this makes it more textbook-ish than is really necessary), but i'm so relieved that it exists. i have been reading a lot of books about pregnancy & parenting lately & most of them make a whole raft of assumptions about their readers that in no way apply to my life. while i am unlikely to take my baby on tour any time soon, i appreciated jessica's attempts to recognize that no every new parent is necessarily partnered, straight, married, class privileged, indifferent to political activism, down for gender coding, etc. i think there is a lot to pick & choose from here, but perspectives like jessica's are so marginalized within mainstream parenting voices that i would be willing to recommend this to pretty much any new parent. my boyfriend is reading it right now & learning tons!
July 16, 2008
i either loved chapters of this book or hated them and i suspect that might have been jessica's intent, i.e. to polarize. i loved her honesty in sharing the ups and downs of parenting such as the chapters on letting her daughter dress herself and dealing with the "beauty queen" aspect of that. i also liked that this book encourages parents to think outside the box, for example setting up a child care co-op and creating an art center in one's home. the chapters i disliked were mostly at the beginning and they are just so damn preachy, telling the parent all the things they "should" be doing like a natural childbirth, no spanking, cloth diapering, etc. overall i think this book is worth the read and i think it's very well researched with alot of useful resources, but i took alot of it with a grain of salt and will leave the "advice" (not information) by the wayside.
March 28, 2008
This book provides an alternative guide to pregnancy and parenting from the perspective of a lefty punk artist who plays sax in a band. It endorses attachment parenting and non-violent communication. The book serves both as a guide and a memoir. The book is divided into sections based on age “Pregnancy and Birth”: Newborn; Full-on Baby!; 1 Year old; 2 Year Old –etc through 5 years of age. This book is a needed antidote to Naomi Wolf’s Misconceptions , proving that having a baby doesn’t mean you and your partner have to easily fall into gender conformity middle-class expectations (though Wolf’s book is a good warning and scare-tactic to prompt important pre-baby discussions with your partner).
I found the parenting information more engaging than the pregnancy information. This might be because I have read several books on pregnancy and birth and this is the first book I’ve ever read on parenting (unless you count some books on Montessori philosophy from my day care days). So it was all new to me!
The sections on pregnancy and birth are arranged as “inside of me” and “outside of me.” The “inside of me” blurbs provided a paragraph summary of the fetus’ development at that month. I liked the structure, but I tended to skip these blurbs. I don’t really care what the fetus’ skin looks like at 4 months. I might if I had a real squirming living one inside of me, but I don’t. Moreover, if I did have one inside of me I’d probably want more information than a paragraph per month, so I’d find it other places. The “outside of me” was the intriguing memoir part.
As someone who has heard the phrase “attachment parenting” but has yet to read much about it, I found the information on the Family Bed, and Baby Wearing intriguing. I appreciated the chapters on getting back to work, battling isolation, and the virtues of cloth diapering. (Did you know there were multiple types of cloth diapers good for different ages or stages and varying in how long they last, etc). In my ignorance, the chapter on breast feeding was really important. Okay, so I knew why breastfeeding was good, but I did not know babies don’t just automatically know how to latch on correctly and other handy tidbits she shared. The chapter on “Thrifty Mama” challenged the baby as consumer model to talk about really what baby care items are actually needed and how to get them cheaply (for example – get a good new baby car seat – here are ways to get them cheap or free). The first foods chapter was equally educational for me, discussing how to know when baby is ready for real food, and having handy-clip out lists of baby- no no foods, etc. It made me realize how many of those assumptions about what you have to buy for baby has just unconsciously filtered into my own mindset. Similarly the chapters on discipline and dealing with the media onslaught are thought-provoking.
The section on battling isolation was useful and actually included a list of ways for allies to help brand new parents:
"1. Feelings need to be recognized and validated by the larger community, not just by the parent feeling the isolation.
2. Help with the physical tasks of childcare. Wash a load of laundry or a sink of dirty dishes. Offer to go grocery shopping. Come over to hold the baby so mom can take a shower.
3. Before the baby is born, help make postpartum palns. Do you new parent friends need help with transportation to the pediatrician appointments? How about help with meals? Arrange for a different person to drop off a healthy, prepared meal every other night for the first six weeks; after that, once a week until the baby is three months old. Drop and go if they're not up for visitors. Stay and chat if they need company.
4. It's important for new parents to know how to get help from you if they need it in a pinch. Make a list for them of several friends' phone numbers as well as an indication of when the best times are for them to help out. "
The book also provided handy tips on balancing workloads between two partners when one is breastfeeding.
I found the chapter on Organizing Cooperative Childcare really inspirational. Despite my anti-capitalist ideology, I really hadn’t thought outside the “pay for child care” box before. It works well balanced with the later chapters on the attempt to create a cooperative pre-skool which don’t go so well, and which ultimately are not structured enough for the child Emma-Joy (great name!).
I found the chapter on organizing childcare for the FTAA protests to also be informational and inspirational. The step-by-step guides she offers (in a narrative engaging fashion) inspire me to get more involved in organizing childcare for radical events and feeling like as a non-parent I have some idea how to go about it and what it looks like. At the beginning of the book I have to admit I was worried that the advice would be all about taking a baby on tour with your punk band, but marching in the streets with a “baby bloc” – that’s useful to me!
There are interviews with a young woman who grew up as a punk scene baby, two rockin’ momma punk band members, and a stay at home dad. The perspective and emphasis on the possibilities of radical fathering were particularly important. I wish she had been as attentive to including the perspectives of queer mammas and papas.
All in all, this book gave me a bunch better sense of what’s it like to be an alternative mamma (or just a mamma in general), and the kind of questions and conversations that would be important to have before the baby and during the child’s life.
I found the parenting information more engaging than the pregnancy information. This might be because I have read several books on pregnancy and birth and this is the first book I’ve ever read on parenting (unless you count some books on Montessori philosophy from my day care days). So it was all new to me!
The sections on pregnancy and birth are arranged as “inside of me” and “outside of me.” The “inside of me” blurbs provided a paragraph summary of the fetus’ development at that month. I liked the structure, but I tended to skip these blurbs. I don’t really care what the fetus’ skin looks like at 4 months. I might if I had a real squirming living one inside of me, but I don’t. Moreover, if I did have one inside of me I’d probably want more information than a paragraph per month, so I’d find it other places. The “outside of me” was the intriguing memoir part.
As someone who has heard the phrase “attachment parenting” but has yet to read much about it, I found the information on the Family Bed, and Baby Wearing intriguing. I appreciated the chapters on getting back to work, battling isolation, and the virtues of cloth diapering. (Did you know there were multiple types of cloth diapers good for different ages or stages and varying in how long they last, etc). In my ignorance, the chapter on breast feeding was really important. Okay, so I knew why breastfeeding was good, but I did not know babies don’t just automatically know how to latch on correctly and other handy tidbits she shared. The chapter on “Thrifty Mama” challenged the baby as consumer model to talk about really what baby care items are actually needed and how to get them cheaply (for example – get a good new baby car seat – here are ways to get them cheap or free). The first foods chapter was equally educational for me, discussing how to know when baby is ready for real food, and having handy-clip out lists of baby- no no foods, etc. It made me realize how many of those assumptions about what you have to buy for baby has just unconsciously filtered into my own mindset. Similarly the chapters on discipline and dealing with the media onslaught are thought-provoking.
The section on battling isolation was useful and actually included a list of ways for allies to help brand new parents:
"1. Feelings need to be recognized and validated by the larger community, not just by the parent feeling the isolation.
2. Help with the physical tasks of childcare. Wash a load of laundry or a sink of dirty dishes. Offer to go grocery shopping. Come over to hold the baby so mom can take a shower.
3. Before the baby is born, help make postpartum palns. Do you new parent friends need help with transportation to the pediatrician appointments? How about help with meals? Arrange for a different person to drop off a healthy, prepared meal every other night for the first six weeks; after that, once a week until the baby is three months old. Drop and go if they're not up for visitors. Stay and chat if they need company.
4. It's important for new parents to know how to get help from you if they need it in a pinch. Make a list for them of several friends' phone numbers as well as an indication of when the best times are for them to help out. "
The book also provided handy tips on balancing workloads between two partners when one is breastfeeding.
I found the chapter on Organizing Cooperative Childcare really inspirational. Despite my anti-capitalist ideology, I really hadn’t thought outside the “pay for child care” box before. It works well balanced with the later chapters on the attempt to create a cooperative pre-skool which don’t go so well, and which ultimately are not structured enough for the child Emma-Joy (great name!).
I found the chapter on organizing childcare for the FTAA protests to also be informational and inspirational. The step-by-step guides she offers (in a narrative engaging fashion) inspire me to get more involved in organizing childcare for radical events and feeling like as a non-parent I have some idea how to go about it and what it looks like. At the beginning of the book I have to admit I was worried that the advice would be all about taking a baby on tour with your punk band, but marching in the streets with a “baby bloc” – that’s useful to me!
There are interviews with a young woman who grew up as a punk scene baby, two rockin’ momma punk band members, and a stay at home dad. The perspective and emphasis on the possibilities of radical fathering were particularly important. I wish she had been as attentive to including the perspectives of queer mammas and papas.
All in all, this book gave me a bunch better sense of what’s it like to be an alternative mamma (or just a mamma in general), and the kind of questions and conversations that would be important to have before the baby and during the child’s life.
June 27, 2008
I finally finished this book, which James is reviewing for SLUG. It started as a collection of columns in Maximum Rock n' Roll, and the chapters that focus specifically on being a parent and being in a band at the same time are probably what set this book apart from all the other parenting books out there. There's an interesting interview with a 15-year-old girl who grew up in that scene, and it adds to the book.
Two other chapters stand out: one on setting up a cooperative childcare group, and the second on setting up an alternative preschool. The "Resources" section includes their charters and forms.
Most of the remaining chapters are a pretty standard mix of childcare advice and memoir. The author is honest about her shortcomings when ideals and reality clash. But she's still as preachy as some of the other "mainstream" parenting guides.
I have two main gripes about this book. The first is that for all her talk about parents needing to share the load equally (and even encouraging women to strike at home if it's not equal), we never see how she and her partner work as a team. It's either all mom or all dad, and most of the time it's pretty tight between mom and daughter with no sight of dad. Did they never disagree about how to raise their daughter? Did their daughter never try to play them off each other? Was one never more lenient/strict than the other? Even when your ideals match, your actions will differ. I would have liked to see more of that teamwork.
Second, there's a lot of talk about letting children be who they are and not forcing them to be what you want them to be, but still she refuses to buy the frilly dresses her daughter loves so much. She acknowleges the hypocrisy, but only budges the tiniest bit. The annoying part is that she's adamant that society has brainwashed her daughter. Can't a girl choose to be girly?
Ok, one more gripe: she preaches especially strong for breastfeeding, which in itself isn't bad. But anyone who thinks breastfeeding is "revolutionary" today is deluded. And as a woman who is not able to breastfeed and is grossed out by the idea of buying breast milk from a milk bank, I could do without the guilt trip. Feeding my child formula isn't ideal, but it's not going to cripple him or give him a disadvantage in life. So give us a break, ok?
All in all, the book's not bad, but it's not nearly as good as it thinks it is.
Two other chapters stand out: one on setting up a cooperative childcare group, and the second on setting up an alternative preschool. The "Resources" section includes their charters and forms.
Most of the remaining chapters are a pretty standard mix of childcare advice and memoir. The author is honest about her shortcomings when ideals and reality clash. But she's still as preachy as some of the other "mainstream" parenting guides.
I have two main gripes about this book. The first is that for all her talk about parents needing to share the load equally (and even encouraging women to strike at home if it's not equal), we never see how she and her partner work as a team. It's either all mom or all dad, and most of the time it's pretty tight between mom and daughter with no sight of dad. Did they never disagree about how to raise their daughter? Did their daughter never try to play them off each other? Was one never more lenient/strict than the other? Even when your ideals match, your actions will differ. I would have liked to see more of that teamwork.
Second, there's a lot of talk about letting children be who they are and not forcing them to be what you want them to be, but still she refuses to buy the frilly dresses her daughter loves so much. She acknowleges the hypocrisy, but only budges the tiniest bit. The annoying part is that she's adamant that society has brainwashed her daughter. Can't a girl choose to be girly?
Ok, one more gripe: she preaches especially strong for breastfeeding, which in itself isn't bad. But anyone who thinks breastfeeding is "revolutionary" today is deluded. And as a woman who is not able to breastfeed and is grossed out by the idea of buying breast milk from a milk bank, I could do without the guilt trip. Feeding my child formula isn't ideal, but it's not going to cripple him or give him a disadvantage in life. So give us a break, ok?
All in all, the book's not bad, but it's not nearly as good as it thinks it is.
June 2, 2014
For me, the trouble with having an 'alternative' lifestyle (and belief system) is that when I made the long-agonised decision to get pregnant I not only found myself with next to zero parent friends, but also very few informed people that I could discuss pregnancy and parenting with. As such, while Mills' book is highly didactic, it was a relief to hear somebody talking frankly about issues and ideas that I'd been wanting to explore and had been weighing on my mind.
I particularly appreciated her practical experience and discussion relating to concepts such as child-centered parenting, legitimate authority, teaching children to be conscious consumers of television and media, forming communities and dealing with isolation - all of which are hugely important to me personally as a future parent.
I've subtracted a star because of Mills' semi-faceted approach to attachment parenting, namely her approach to breast-feeding, co-sleeping and natural birth. Even though I largely agree with her views, to me, being truly 'punk' means making informed decisions that are comfortable to ME, and not feeling shamed if I fail to meet idealistic ideals of others. She's also succeeded in making me feel insecure about giving birth in a hospital, which is not a particularly welcome feeling for a apprehensive first time mother.
I particularly appreciated her practical experience and discussion relating to concepts such as child-centered parenting, legitimate authority, teaching children to be conscious consumers of television and media, forming communities and dealing with isolation - all of which are hugely important to me personally as a future parent.
I've subtracted a star because of Mills' semi-faceted approach to attachment parenting, namely her approach to breast-feeding, co-sleeping and natural birth. Even though I largely agree with her views, to me, being truly 'punk' means making informed decisions that are comfortable to ME, and not feeling shamed if I fail to meet idealistic ideals of others. She's also succeeded in making me feel insecure about giving birth in a hospital, which is not a particularly welcome feeling for a apprehensive first time mother.
July 28, 2012
My husband bought this and recommended I read it- I'm so glad I did! I found this better than any other parenting book I've read so far- I liked that it read more like a narrative instead of a guide and had an engaging story line. The author tackles issues I've been thinking a lot about like gender coding, advertising and discipline and some things I haven't even begun to think about. I also loved the chapters about bringing your kid on tour and bringing your kid to protests. I don't agree with everything in here and some of it doesn't apply to me, but I imagine I will refer to it often.
May 17, 2022
This book is far less radical for us American punk parents than it was when it was published, but is still good to add you a diverse list of pregnancy and child stewarding books. Like almost every other parenting and birth book out there, this one is a reflection of the author's views, but sometimes tries to seem as if it more generally represents a punk standard.
Might be triggering for folks on issues of gender and anti-femme sentiment, as well as heteronormativity.
By today's standards it's lacking an antiracist element too.
For other books in this vein try rad families.
Might be triggering for folks on issues of gender and anti-femme sentiment, as well as heteronormativity.
By today's standards it's lacking an antiracist element too.
For other books in this vein try rad families.
January 24, 2008
A nice compliment to the more "traditional" and mainstream books. I suggest reading a wide variety of pregnancy books, and this one fills the non-traditional/alternate end of the spectrum. This book is not that well written, and the author has a tendency to take the "my way or the highway" stance on just about everything. I do, however, appreciate the resources listed and REALLY appreciate Mills' alternative views on parenting and pregnancy. Definitely worth reading.
November 23, 2012
Haven't finished reading it yet but by far my favorite parent stories/guide. Thank you Happy!
September 20, 2008
so far her birth experience was quite parallel to mine...need a clearer head to move on to her epilogue about it.
September 14, 2009
The most practical and needed literary device for a new mama outside the norm. Excellent resources and personal accounts.
October 22, 2010
a required reading for new parents--especially mothers.
November 2, 2011
Awesome. Re-reading it aloud with my (not immediate, guys!) future co-parent.
October 21, 2022
This is a thought provoking account of the lessons and experiences of a punk rock mom as she attempts to raise her daughter to be a “free child”. Bonus points for cool band references.
July 7, 2011
I was at the public library when I happened to stumble upon this book -- and oh my gosh, I'm so glad I did. I've read traditional parenting books, and I work at a daycare center, and she reinforces ideas that I already had (but I wasn't sure if other people had them). She used the term "free-child parenting" which I had never heard before. I thought her approach was interesting, and logical. Although I didn't agree with the way she handled how her daughter wanted to dress herself... so what if she wants to be girly!
I did indeed skip a few chapters... the interview chapters (I suppose I just didn't find them interesting enough), and I skimmed the chapters that had to do with being on tour with a kid. It's interesting and all, but I'll never really need to know about it. Oh, and the chapter about the pro-choice march... It's cool to be an activist, but I feel that was kind of indoctrination.
Anyway, the things that I love about this book were the chapters on co-sleeping and diapers. I never knew a damn thing about cloth diapers, but I thought that I might want to use them. Now I know how to, if I choose to when I have a kiddo of my own. The chapter on co-sleeping was really interesting to me too... I read in other books about it being favorable, and she reinforced the concept well.
Another thing I appreciate was she talked about education. Education is a very important issue, and I feel like it's not addressed enough. She mentions, and gives definitions of, a few alternative education theories, and she shares her story of trying to start a "skool" of her own in her community. It was fascinating and interesting to read her reflections about it, on what they did well, and what could have been done differently.
OH, and there's a WHOLE CHAPTER ABOUT DADS. YES. Oh my gosh! Finally, dads are mentioned!!!
There is a whole chapter about art too, and fostering creativity! Love it!
I was also impressed with the way she talks about gender coding and bias, because oh my gosh, it annoys the hell out of me. And how to deal with marketing and raising your kid... these are things that traditional parenting books just don't address.
I would recommend this book to anyone with a working brain, really. Moms, dads, and any other caregivers in general. Read it, and skip over the things you don't need.
I did indeed skip a few chapters... the interview chapters (I suppose I just didn't find them interesting enough), and I skimmed the chapters that had to do with being on tour with a kid. It's interesting and all, but I'll never really need to know about it. Oh, and the chapter about the pro-choice march... It's cool to be an activist, but I feel that was kind of indoctrination.
Anyway, the things that I love about this book were the chapters on co-sleeping and diapers. I never knew a damn thing about cloth diapers, but I thought that I might want to use them. Now I know how to, if I choose to when I have a kiddo of my own. The chapter on co-sleeping was really interesting to me too... I read in other books about it being favorable, and she reinforced the concept well.
Another thing I appreciate was she talked about education. Education is a very important issue, and I feel like it's not addressed enough. She mentions, and gives definitions of, a few alternative education theories, and she shares her story of trying to start a "skool" of her own in her community. It was fascinating and interesting to read her reflections about it, on what they did well, and what could have been done differently.
OH, and there's a WHOLE CHAPTER ABOUT DADS. YES. Oh my gosh! Finally, dads are mentioned!!!
There is a whole chapter about art too, and fostering creativity! Love it!
I was also impressed with the way she talks about gender coding and bias, because oh my gosh, it annoys the hell out of me. And how to deal with marketing and raising your kid... these are things that traditional parenting books just don't address.
I would recommend this book to anyone with a working brain, really. Moms, dads, and any other caregivers in general. Read it, and skip over the things you don't need.
January 22, 2013
I enjoyed this collection of essays and writings about being a punk, anarchist mom. Just the title alone was validating! My subcultural/ non-mainstream affiliations are a little different than hers so I didn't always relate to the specific dilemmas she had (e.g. going on tour with her punk band with kid in tow) but I still appreciated hearing about parenting from a non-mainstream angle.
I felt the baby chapters didn't offer as much original content, as they had a lot of safety and informational guidelines about baby care which I could get from other sources. Also, the author is really into natural birth, cosleeping, babywearing, etc. and although she shared her own struggles with some of these things, her ultimate attitude about them was a little self-righteous. The toddler/ older child chapters were more interesting to me. Some of pieces I most appreciated:
- "The Baby Gender-Coding Phenomenon" (I like when she suggests that, as an experiment, you try dressing your baby up in differently "gendered" clothes on different days and notice people's reactions)
- The Great TV Debate (I liked the approach the author and her partner took, which was a more nuanced way of interacting with TV to help promote media literacy and critical thinking)
- A Typical Day With My Preschooler (nice to read about someone else's spirited, energetic girl who is fun-loving but can be a handful!)
- "Organizing Childcare for the FTAA Protests" and "Three Generations March for Choice" (useful and thoughtful reflections on including kids in protest activism)
- "Who Gives A Shit About Kids and Cursing?" (appreciated the challenge to traditional assumptions that kids cursing is uniformly bad)
- "Slave to Fashion" and "Setting Up An Art Center" (liked how the author explored some ways of giving her child free choice, while also talking about the dilemmas and how hard it was at times)
- "Mom, I Want to Go to Real School!" (reflections on sending her child to regular public school and some of the reactions they had as parents)
I felt the baby chapters didn't offer as much original content, as they had a lot of safety and informational guidelines about baby care which I could get from other sources. Also, the author is really into natural birth, cosleeping, babywearing, etc. and although she shared her own struggles with some of these things, her ultimate attitude about them was a little self-righteous. The toddler/ older child chapters were more interesting to me. Some of pieces I most appreciated:
- "The Baby Gender-Coding Phenomenon" (I like when she suggests that, as an experiment, you try dressing your baby up in differently "gendered" clothes on different days and notice people's reactions)
- The Great TV Debate (I liked the approach the author and her partner took, which was a more nuanced way of interacting with TV to help promote media literacy and critical thinking)
- A Typical Day With My Preschooler (nice to read about someone else's spirited, energetic girl who is fun-loving but can be a handful!)
- "Organizing Childcare for the FTAA Protests" and "Three Generations March for Choice" (useful and thoughtful reflections on including kids in protest activism)
- "Who Gives A Shit About Kids and Cursing?" (appreciated the challenge to traditional assumptions that kids cursing is uniformly bad)
- "Slave to Fashion" and "Setting Up An Art Center" (liked how the author explored some ways of giving her child free choice, while also talking about the dilemmas and how hard it was at times)
- "Mom, I Want to Go to Real School!" (reflections on sending her child to regular public school and some of the reactions they had as parents)
March 1, 2011
This book on pregnancy and parenting from birth to age 5 was incredible. It doesn't sugar coat the challenges that come with having a child and yet maintains a sense that wonderful things can happen through hard work and dedication. This book is not just about how to raise a child but how to reenvision yourself--making parenthood part of your essential identity. It's about balance and parenting that is political, active, and maybe even radical. Jessica Mills presents a careful account of the things that will come up when you have a baby--gender roles, the TV debate, how to balance your own needs with that of your child and your partner if you have one. She presents concrete strategies for addressing everything from cloth diapering to girls who want to be Princesses but always encourages the reader to use only what makes sense in the context of their own family, to mix and match, and to constantly tailor and revise approaches to mesh with their own values. I really enjoyed this book and believe it will be very helpful in the future if I have a child of my own. While I didn't agree with every tactic or strategy I got the sense that Mills would be totally okay with that. She asks you to question and push against entrenched ideas of what it means to be a parent and how to relate to your child.
June 15, 2012
Let me begin by saying that I am not pregnant, but that I think I may start trying to become pregnant within the coming year so I thought it would be best to educate myself about what I'm getting into. I tried to read a couple other pregnancy-related books and couldn't get more than three pages into them without rolling my eyes at the constant references to the "miracle" and "wonder" that is pregnancy and the "magic" of becoming a mother. I'm just not into the fanfare of it; I want to know the biology and the practical matters, like how to deal with cloth diapers and how to nurse for at least a year without losing my mind. This was just the book for me. I didn't agree with everything Mills said, but I was grateful that she was willing to write it down. I lost interest later in the book since much of the content seemed repetitive and she was talking about preschool and related issues that just aren't on my radar yet. Mills has a direct and straightforward writing style, and seems like a woman not easily fazed. I appreciated her honesty and the multitude of resources she compiled as a mother and has shared through this book.
February 29, 2008
I really appreciated that this book was engaging to read, unlike many other parenting books. Kind of half-memoir, half parenting book. She talks about her experiences parenting in a "non-traditional" way. She takes the kid on tour, to the FTAA protests in Miami, etc. She's an anarchist who's into raising a "free" child, is into the attachment parenting thing, and etc.
I definitely took some good ideas away from it, but for me it just wasn't that relatable in a lot of ways. I'm not planning on being a stay-at-home mom, so I ended up feeling like a bunch of her experience and advice was pretty irrelevant to me. Plus, I just don't totally share the whole parenting philosophy she espouses. For example, I don't want my kid cursing even though I curse (and I realize the hypocrisy). I do think there are different behaviors that are appropriate for children & adults.
Anyway, I recommend the book for people looking for a different take on parenting. It should make you think about your own views & give you some ideas to try.
I definitely took some good ideas away from it, but for me it just wasn't that relatable in a lot of ways. I'm not planning on being a stay-at-home mom, so I ended up feeling like a bunch of her experience and advice was pretty irrelevant to me. Plus, I just don't totally share the whole parenting philosophy she espouses. For example, I don't want my kid cursing even though I curse (and I realize the hypocrisy). I do think there are different behaviors that are appropriate for children & adults.
Anyway, I recommend the book for people looking for a different take on parenting. It should make you think about your own views & give you some ideas to try.
July 9, 2010
Mothering meets Maximum RocknRoll. I wish I'd gotten this book a year ago. I wouldn't call it a "guide" -- it's more of a parenting memoir, which is where it excels, with some tips thrown in. The real lessons come from Jessica Mills' experiences -- going on tour with a kid, setting up a baby-sitting coop, reconciling parenthood with the self before baby. There's a lot in here that my husband and I have been doing with our tyke (unmedicated natural birth in a hospital, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, fresh whole foods, minimal to no TV, etc.) and that all meshes with the attachment parenting approach we kinda mostly subscribe to, but Mills brings it together with a punk/radical edge that we can dig. OK, so I'm not going to set up a co-op skool or child care during a mass protest any time soon, but chapters like those, the way Mills writes them, still make for interesting reads. It's hardly for everyone, and maybe not even "the rest of us," but this parenting book is one of the better fits for me.
March 12, 2010
I thought it was pretty trite actually. Maybe it was preaching to the choir kind of stuff that just seemed obvious for anyone living slightly out of the mainstream. If you're life is entirely conventional, perhaps there might be a few things in here to make you think about another way of looking at the problem at hand, but it also seems unlikley that you would be buying a parenting guide with the title, "My Mother Wears Combat Boots".
I am still glad that Jessica Mills wrote her story. I think it's great for people to do so and a cool way to support her family as well as have a creative outlet to help ward off some of the mental numbness that seems to happen in the first few years of childcare!
I am still glad that Jessica Mills wrote her story. I think it's great for people to do so and a cool way to support her family as well as have a creative outlet to help ward off some of the mental numbness that seems to happen in the first few years of childcare!
May 20, 2008
I was going to review this because I enjoyed it, but I realized I might not be the best since I'm not a parent or a punk rocker, something the book is really aimed at. However, there's some pretty interesting stuff on breast feeding, kids sleeping with the parents vs. cribs, organizing a free school, organizing childcare at protests and conferences, home-births, and having a kid while being in a band.
Maybe I'll try to go back to this someday once I'm a parent or parent-to-be. If you ever picture yourself having kids, have kids, or have anything to do with kids, you outta give this book a read.
Maybe I'll try to go back to this someday once I'm a parent or parent-to-be. If you ever picture yourself having kids, have kids, or have anything to do with kids, you outta give this book a read.
November 18, 2009
I was gifted this book by another feminist friend of mine who doesn't have a child, but is very supportive of my mothering choices.
I have laughed out loud and wept openly while reading Jessica's stories of raising her first child. My baby girl is only three months old at this point, but I have already had to deal with many of the issues raised. As a non-traditional stay at home mother I am constantly fielding some rather unfriendly questions about my nursing habits, cloth diapering and whether or not raising my daughter vegetarian is realistic. This book is going to be my go-to bible for putting it all in perspective.
I have laughed out loud and wept openly while reading Jessica's stories of raising her first child. My baby girl is only three months old at this point, but I have already had to deal with many of the issues raised. As a non-traditional stay at home mother I am constantly fielding some rather unfriendly questions about my nursing habits, cloth diapering and whether or not raising my daughter vegetarian is realistic. This book is going to be my go-to bible for putting it all in perspective.
January 12, 2010
If I hadn't already immersed myself into the world of pregnancy and parenting books, I may have found MMWCB more helpful and insightful. I appreciate her alternate take on things, but bristled at some of her strident claims about circumcision, co-sleeping, and schooling. As I step into parenthood, I am trying really, really hard not to succumb to the judgmental mindset and accept that different strokes work for different folks (within reason of course). I would have loved this book were I a 20-something punk rock lady.
January 12, 2013
This is my favorite parenting book so far, and I've read lots. My son's almost 3 now and I still keep going back to it from time to time. I really like her writing style. Even though it does swing oddly from slang to more rigid prose at times, it makes for an enjoyable read overall. There were a few chapters and sections that I sort of skimmed over because they didn't really relate to me or my parenting style but, for the most part, it was a great fit for me as a first-time mother practicing a laid back sort of attachment parenting.
October 15, 2008
I'll probably look at this again when it becomes more relevant to my life. There were things I very much liked about it (pro-babywearing, pro-cosleeping, concerned about respect and gender coding) and things I didn't like so much (assumption of normative masculinity such that the mom had a hard time letting her daughter wear dresses because anything feminine was seen as negative -- she did realise this was her own baggage, though).
February 2, 2008
I loved this book. It is not a comprehensive guide to, well, anything, but it is a supportive and inspirational story of a mama who is very close to the sort of mama I'd like to be (and would like to be friends with). I had a few quibbles with her, but fewer, perhaps, than I've had with any other parenting book thus far.
January 27, 2009
Maybe I don't agree with everything in this book (NOTE: it's a parenting book and the only one I *might* agree with everything in it, is the one I'd write and even then I doubt it) but it is one of my favorite parenting books I've read so far. Funny and there were several times when I thought, "Oh finally! Someone who's sayin' what I'm thinkin'!"
August 15, 2009
This is the best parenting/pregnancy book I've found yet. Mills voice is very accessible and her information is well researched. More importantly, though, Mills meets parents in the 21st century, where mothers can define motherhood for themselves, breaking the old staunch rules and roles. Also refreshingly non-judgmental, a trap many attachment parenting books sadly trip into.
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