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The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families
Christian parents want to raise their kids in a godly way. But what if we've been sold a promise that "biblical parenting" can never deliver?
In The Myth of Good Christian Parenting, Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis explore how the Christian parenting book industry has shaped, and often strained, families over the past five decades, continuing into the present day. Drawing on history, sociology, theology, and survey responses from adult children and parents, they trace the rise of Christian parenting empires that idealize obedient kids and perfect households--but often leave parents and children feeling like they'll never measure up.
The authors also analyze popular Christian parenting teachings. They argue that these teachings on authority, compliance, corporal punishment, and control have had lasting effects on family dynamics and spiritual identity--including loss of faith, estrangement, religious trauma, and deep regret for many older parents. This book equips Christian parents, adults thinking critically about their upbringing, and church leaders to pursue a new path of freedom and mutual respect within their families.
In The Myth of Good Christian Parenting, Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis explore how the Christian parenting book industry has shaped, and often strained, families over the past five decades, continuing into the present day. Drawing on history, sociology, theology, and survey responses from adult children and parents, they trace the rise of Christian parenting empires that idealize obedient kids and perfect households--but often leave parents and children feeling like they'll never measure up.
The authors also analyze popular Christian parenting teachings. They argue that these teachings on authority, compliance, corporal punishment, and control have had lasting effects on family dynamics and spiritual identity--including loss of faith, estrangement, religious trauma, and deep regret for many older parents. This book equips Christian parents, adults thinking critically about their upbringing, and church leaders to pursue a new path of freedom and mutual respect within their families.
240 pages, Paperback
Published October 14, 2025
125 people are currently reading
2421 people want to read
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October 29, 2025
[A conflicted 2 stars]
“This myth—that God provides a formula for ‘good Christian parenting’—permeates these resources, presenting an aspirational goal while also motivating parents with high eternal stakes.”
When I saw the title of this book I was curious because it implies there is no such thing as ‘good Christian parenting.’ As someone who has been encouraged by several Christian parenting books, I was interested to see what claims would be made and what culpability the authors (MFB & KKM) believe evangelicals bear in ‘betraying’ a generation.
In many ways, the tone of this book reminded me of Kristin Kobes Du Mez’s Jesus and John Wayne. Like Du Mez, these authors make sweeping generalizations about evangelicals, but unlike JJW, I found more points of agreement here. The Myth of Good Christian Parenting raises real concerns worth listening to—especially about abuse and the misuse of authority. The question I wrestled with, though, was this: Does the book offer enough value to outweigh the theological and interpretive concerns it raises?
I labored over this review because I don’t want to dismiss the voices of those who truly were hurt by poor or abusive teaching in their churches. Lived experience matters, and we should listen humbly to those who share it; there are some very disturbing things in this book that I would never condone.
Still, I don’t believe the doctrines the authors identify—original sin, penal substitutionary atonement (PSA), or biblical authority—are the root of the problem. These doctrines, rightly understood and applied, are not catalysts for abuse; they are anchors of the gospel. I also don’t believe that the biblical concepts of authority and obedience, when handled with humility and grace, lead naturally to harm.
As I processed this book with multiple people I realized how easy it is to get into the weeds trying to untangle all that the book claims. I’m going to try to narrow the scope of my review to what I think are the big rocks and leave the dissecting to someone more qualified to evaluate the details.
If I had to summarize the book’s thesis, it would be: Many Evangelical leaders have misguided parents by teaching and declaring ‘biblical’ doctrines that have led to harmful parenting practices. (not a direct quote)
Where We Can Agree
I believe the heart of this book rests in its desire to protect children from abuse. Children are beautiful, precious, image-bearing souls, and any form of abuse—physical, emotional, or spiritual—has no place in the church. The authors’ charge to protect children and their plea for parents to cherish them is both timely and important.
I also think they make great points cautioning parents to avoid allowing their online communities to replace the role of the church in their lives.
“A parent who follows an influencer might find comfort in getting advice from a faraway, seemingly put-together figure who can’t judge or question their private choices.”
The size of the platform of an influencer (or the aesthetic beauty of their posts) is not how we measure truth. Just having the label ‘Christian’ does not actually mean the content shared aligns with Scripture.
We should be using discernment in all areas of our lives and holding any teaching up to Scripture— our ultimate authority.
Similarly, the authors are right to caution against self-help books that capitalize on fear.
Parenting is a sensitive area to write about because we all desire to be good parents. Fear of failing them makes parents easy targets for formulas and promises. That’s why parents might even buy this book— fear of making the same mistakes of others.
As the book notes,
“Fear and the fervent desire to be the right kind of parents makes people desperate for answers, promises, and a guarantee that their kids will be okay.”
The reality is, no parenting method or formula guarantees salvation or success. The Bible calls parents to faithfulness, not perfection. Salvation belongs to the Lord alone.
I also agree that the idea that there is only right way to discipline is a myth.
Every family and child is different and not all discipline will or should look the same.
The Bible makes many exclusive claims, but there are no prescriptions for what exact parenting methods should be used. God commands us to discipline our children just as He disciplines those he loves. Wise discipline requires discernment, and is for our good, our children’s good, bringing blessing. (Hebrew 12:9-11; Ephesians 6:1-4; Luke 11:28, etc)
Where I Disagree
But here is where the authors and I part ways.
Their main contention is that certain evangelical doctrines—especially sin, original sin, PSA, biblical inerrancy, and complementarianism—have fostered harmful parenting and even abuse. I simply don’t believe that’s true. These doctrines, when rightly taught, actually protect us from abuse and distortion because they root our understanding of authority, forgiveness, and grace in the character of God.
The authors write:
It’s ironic that they criticize evangelicals for being too confident in their theology, yet they confidently label those same doctrines as “misguided.” Historically and biblically, however, these are orthodox Christian beliefs.
If there is no original sin, then at what point/age does a person become a sinner?
I don’t have the space to list all the Biblical support for original sin but HERE and HERE are good articles to start with. For PSA, I would recommend starting HERE and HERE.
Original sin goes back to the garden when Adam and Eve rebelled against God believing they knew better what was right and good. Sin then entered the world, corrupting every human heart. (Romans 5:12). This doctrine reminds us that rejecting authority isn’t just learned; it’s inherent.
To only have a doctrine of sin, it would be quite depressing and damaging. But we must always be teaching the full counsel of God. The gospel message is that even while we were disobedient sinners, Christ died for us out of his love, paying the cost for our sin (atonement). He stood in our place (substitute) living the perfect life we never could, dying the death we deserve, and giving us his righteousness.
That truth transforms not only our view of God but also how we parent.
When parents understand PSA, they discipline not to punish but to restore. We forgive as we’ve been forgiven. We teach obedience as a loving response to God’s grace, not as a condition for love or acceptance.
To the parents who were told that spanking could “atone” for their child’s sin—those words are tragic and wrong. That is not the gospel. That distortion does not flow from the doctrines of sin and atonement, but from misunderstanding them.
One heartbreaking thread throughout the book is the way some children internalized shame and self-hatred from these teachings, coming to believe they were “bad and disgusting to God unless they obeyed Him.” If that’s how children are hearing the message, then we’ve failed to teach the whole gospel. The goal isn’t to crush children with guilt but to lead them to Jesus, who has already borne their guilt.
More could be said, but I’ll move to the next ‘rock.’
The authors also spend a lot of time talking about authority, obedience, hierarchy, and power. It seems they view authority through a lens of power and oppression. (It felt very in line with a lot of critical theory, but that’s a rabbit trail.)
It was a little hard to determine if the authors had a problem with authority and obedience in general or if it was just their perception that evangelical Christians overemphasized these two things at the expense of other characteristics of God.
The idea of obedience is saturated in Scripture. Jesus said, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (Jn 14:15) Deuteronomy 6:4-9 also connects the law with love and with teaching that to our kids. Many of the Psalms talk about delighting in God’s law. Jesus says in Matthew that doing what he says is like building your house on a rock where it won’t be shaken. We could go on and on.
Yes, authority can be abused—and it tragically has been. But biblical authority is never about domination; it’s about humility, self-sacrifice, and service.
The Christian life in general is one of submission to the Lord. Authority and obedience are not unbiblical concepts to be discarded; they are part of God’s design for order and flourishing. When a child obeys their parents, they are learning to trust that their parents love them and know what is best. Likewise, our obedience to God is a loving response to His care.
We can and must hold both truths together—authority and love, obedience and grace.
[This interview between Colin Hansen and Jonathan Leeman may be a helpful resource on what biblical authority looks like. He talks about ways authority is abused and how those who use their authority to harm others will be judged for that sin.]
Although the idea of spanking is a pretty good chunk of the book, I’ll make it a short part of the review. Reading their chapter on spanking is hard. I didn’t even know all the ways spanking could be done wrong until reading it. Spanking is a pretty sensitive and personal subject. The authors would likely argue that all spanking is wrong and should be criminalized.
I, however, do not think you can say unequivocally ‘Spanking is bad’ or ‘Spanking is good.’
An important verse we could consider here:
Discipline, whether through correction, boundaries, or consequences, is for the good of the child. There are many ways to discipline, and spanking is only one method. The key is the heart behind it—discipline should never be done in anger or to ‘make a child pay’ for sin. It should always be restorative, loving, and aimed at the child’s good.
Again, the issue isn’t the doctrine; it’s the distortion.
These are some great articles to consider (written by evangelicals): HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.
Lastly, another concerning argument the authors make is that parents should “allow the child’s inner life to remain their own, private and known by God alone.” They see this as respecting boundaries. But Scripture calls us to bring sin into the light, not to hide it in the dark. Encouraging a child to keep their inner life entirely private—even their struggles or sins—doesn’t foster maturity or healthy autonomy; it fosters isolation.
The authors seem offended by the idea that children might not have a good handle on what is right or wrong.
When Ken Ham observes “They are unable to discriminate between good and evil. They don’t have the discipline to choose between truth and the cleverly crafted evolutionary philosophies”
(MFB & KKM) respond:
“This impoverished view of children’s ability to asses the world around them speaks to a deep ambivalence about their feelings, experiences, and desires” and puts children in an “unflattering light” reminding us that God creates everyone “with the ability to see beauty, experience joy, feel deep love and affection.”
But we can, again, hold two true things here: our kids need help developing self control and discerning right and wrong AND they are image-bearers who can recognize good and beauty.
The authors are right to point out how Jesus responds to children. He says the kingdom belongs to them (Matt 19:14)— that there is an innocence there we should not dismiss.
And yet, sin still creeps in. How unloving would it be to allow my daughter to be left alone to the privacy of her inner thoughts that might tell her she is stupid or unloved or that it feels right to hate her siblings. Practicing privacy of sin taken into adulthood is disastrous when sins become bigger and confessing them becomes harder.
As parents, we’re called to lovingly guide our children’s hearts, helping them identify sin, confess it, and experience the beauty of forgiveness. That’s not control—it’s discipleship.
Recommendation:
If our parenting has become performance-based, angry, or lacking in grace, we should absolutely stop and re-evaluate. If we’ve believed that our children must somehow “atone” for their sins through punishment, we need to repent and return to the gospel.
But the answer is not to abandon foundational Christian doctrines. The solution to bad theology is not less theology—it’s truer theology. The Bible IS helpful for training in righteousness. (2 Tim 3:14-17)
I think the biggest takeaway for parents is to be discerning, making sure you teach your kids all of Scripture, and being well-versed to identify false teaching.
The biggest takeaway for church leaders/teachers is to repent of any unbiblical teaching and boost clarity in your messaging about discipline, parenting and how it relates to the gospel, getting ahead of any distortions or misapplications.
So: is there enough value in this book to outweigh the concerns? For me, probably not. There was more tearing down than building up. And while it raises valid points about abuse and misuse of power, its rejection of historic doctrines and its broad generalizations make it difficult to recommend. Readers could glean the same wisdom about grace, discernment, and gentleness from more biblically grounded books.
If you feel compelled to read this book, read with caution and process the book with other trusted people in your life, holding all things up to Scripture.
There are surely myths to parenting, but believing the Bible has something to say about it, is not one of them.
Sidenotes:
I will add that reading this book for sure makes me more excited to read Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens by Adam Griffin. The blurb reads: “Be firm with your kids, but not scary. Be friendly, yet maintain authority. Work hard, but prioritize time at home. Parents are faced with an overwhelming mix of advice. Self-help books, blog posts, and endless tips often leave parents feeling more stressed, discouraged, and fearful. Unlike typical self-help books, Good News for Parents reveals the source of lasting freedom found in the person of Jesus Christ.”
We have loved Ellie Holcomb's Sing Album that reminds kids of their identity in Christ and his love for them.
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest | StoryGraph
“This myth—that God provides a formula for ‘good Christian parenting’—permeates these resources, presenting an aspirational goal while also motivating parents with high eternal stakes.”
When I saw the title of this book I was curious because it implies there is no such thing as ‘good Christian parenting.’ As someone who has been encouraged by several Christian parenting books, I was interested to see what claims would be made and what culpability the authors (MFB & KKM) believe evangelicals bear in ‘betraying’ a generation.
In many ways, the tone of this book reminded me of Kristin Kobes Du Mez’s Jesus and John Wayne. Like Du Mez, these authors make sweeping generalizations about evangelicals, but unlike JJW, I found more points of agreement here. The Myth of Good Christian Parenting raises real concerns worth listening to—especially about abuse and the misuse of authority. The question I wrestled with, though, was this: Does the book offer enough value to outweigh the theological and interpretive concerns it raises?
I labored over this review because I don’t want to dismiss the voices of those who truly were hurt by poor or abusive teaching in their churches. Lived experience matters, and we should listen humbly to those who share it; there are some very disturbing things in this book that I would never condone.
Still, I don’t believe the doctrines the authors identify—original sin, penal substitutionary atonement (PSA), or biblical authority—are the root of the problem. These doctrines, rightly understood and applied, are not catalysts for abuse; they are anchors of the gospel. I also don’t believe that the biblical concepts of authority and obedience, when handled with humility and grace, lead naturally to harm.
As I processed this book with multiple people I realized how easy it is to get into the weeds trying to untangle all that the book claims. I’m going to try to narrow the scope of my review to what I think are the big rocks and leave the dissecting to someone more qualified to evaluate the details.
If I had to summarize the book’s thesis, it would be: Many Evangelical leaders have misguided parents by teaching and declaring ‘biblical’ doctrines that have led to harmful parenting practices. (not a direct quote)
Where We Can Agree
I believe the heart of this book rests in its desire to protect children from abuse. Children are beautiful, precious, image-bearing souls, and any form of abuse—physical, emotional, or spiritual—has no place in the church. The authors’ charge to protect children and their plea for parents to cherish them is both timely and important.
I also think they make great points cautioning parents to avoid allowing their online communities to replace the role of the church in their lives.
“A parent who follows an influencer might find comfort in getting advice from a faraway, seemingly put-together figure who can’t judge or question their private choices.”
The size of the platform of an influencer (or the aesthetic beauty of their posts) is not how we measure truth. Just having the label ‘Christian’ does not actually mean the content shared aligns with Scripture.
We should be using discernment in all areas of our lives and holding any teaching up to Scripture— our ultimate authority.
Similarly, the authors are right to caution against self-help books that capitalize on fear.
Parenting is a sensitive area to write about because we all desire to be good parents. Fear of failing them makes parents easy targets for formulas and promises. That’s why parents might even buy this book— fear of making the same mistakes of others.
As the book notes,
“Fear and the fervent desire to be the right kind of parents makes people desperate for answers, promises, and a guarantee that their kids will be okay.”
The reality is, no parenting method or formula guarantees salvation or success. The Bible calls parents to faithfulness, not perfection. Salvation belongs to the Lord alone.
I also agree that the idea that there is only right way to discipline is a myth.
Every family and child is different and not all discipline will or should look the same.
The Bible makes many exclusive claims, but there are no prescriptions for what exact parenting methods should be used. God commands us to discipline our children just as He disciplines those he loves. Wise discipline requires discernment, and is for our good, our children’s good, bringing blessing. (Hebrew 12:9-11; Ephesians 6:1-4; Luke 11:28, etc)
Where I Disagree
But here is where the authors and I part ways.
Their main contention is that certain evangelical doctrines—especially sin, original sin, PSA, biblical inerrancy, and complementarianism—have fostered harmful parenting and even abuse. I simply don’t believe that’s true. These doctrines, when rightly taught, actually protect us from abuse and distortion because they root our understanding of authority, forgiveness, and grace in the character of God.
The authors write:
“Our intention here is not to attempt to identify the ‘right’ theological perspective but instead to point out the diversity of perspectives within the Christian tradition and highlight the fact that these ideas developed over time. Theology, particularly regarding ideas that neither Scripture nor church tradition speaks clearly on, is an imprecise endeavor. That fact alone should sober the pastor-teachers who so easily describe children and toddlers as ‘sinners.’”
“Historically speaking, [PSA] is one among several perspectives. But making it the perspective—and then formulating ritualized discipline and spanking around it—verges on idolatry.”
It’s ironic that they criticize evangelicals for being too confident in their theology, yet they confidently label those same doctrines as “misguided.” Historically and biblically, however, these are orthodox Christian beliefs.
If there is no original sin, then at what point/age does a person become a sinner?
I don’t have the space to list all the Biblical support for original sin but HERE and HERE are good articles to start with. For PSA, I would recommend starting HERE and HERE.
Original sin goes back to the garden when Adam and Eve rebelled against God believing they knew better what was right and good. Sin then entered the world, corrupting every human heart. (Romans 5:12). This doctrine reminds us that rejecting authority isn’t just learned; it’s inherent.
To only have a doctrine of sin, it would be quite depressing and damaging. But we must always be teaching the full counsel of God. The gospel message is that even while we were disobedient sinners, Christ died for us out of his love, paying the cost for our sin (atonement). He stood in our place (substitute) living the perfect life we never could, dying the death we deserve, and giving us his righteousness.
That truth transforms not only our view of God but also how we parent.
When parents understand PSA, they discipline not to punish but to restore. We forgive as we’ve been forgiven. We teach obedience as a loving response to God’s grace, not as a condition for love or acceptance.
To the parents who were told that spanking could “atone” for their child’s sin—those words are tragic and wrong. That is not the gospel. That distortion does not flow from the doctrines of sin and atonement, but from misunderstanding them.
One heartbreaking thread throughout the book is the way some children internalized shame and self-hatred from these teachings, coming to believe they were “bad and disgusting to God unless they obeyed Him.” If that’s how children are hearing the message, then we’ve failed to teach the whole gospel. The goal isn’t to crush children with guilt but to lead them to Jesus, who has already borne their guilt.
More could be said, but I’ll move to the next ‘rock.’
The authors also spend a lot of time talking about authority, obedience, hierarchy, and power. It seems they view authority through a lens of power and oppression. (It felt very in line with a lot of critical theory, but that’s a rabbit trail.)
It was a little hard to determine if the authors had a problem with authority and obedience in general or if it was just their perception that evangelical Christians overemphasized these two things at the expense of other characteristics of God.
“At the foundation of Dobson’s successful empire is this imperative: Parents must exercise and protect their authority, and children must obey. Without both parents and children playing their rightful part, society would crumble.”
“Evangelicals are often the first and loudest to claim that ‘children are a blessing,’ yet this messaging places children at the bottom of a set hierarchy, defined by obedience, submission, and relationship to a parent."
The idea of obedience is saturated in Scripture. Jesus said, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (Jn 14:15) Deuteronomy 6:4-9 also connects the law with love and with teaching that to our kids. Many of the Psalms talk about delighting in God’s law. Jesus says in Matthew that doing what he says is like building your house on a rock where it won’t be shaken. We could go on and on.
Yes, authority can be abused—and it tragically has been. But biblical authority is never about domination; it’s about humility, self-sacrifice, and service.
The Christian life in general is one of submission to the Lord. Authority and obedience are not unbiblical concepts to be discarded; they are part of God’s design for order and flourishing. When a child obeys their parents, they are learning to trust that their parents love them and know what is best. Likewise, our obedience to God is a loving response to His care.
We can and must hold both truths together—authority and love, obedience and grace.
[This interview between Colin Hansen and Jonathan Leeman may be a helpful resource on what biblical authority looks like. He talks about ways authority is abused and how those who use their authority to harm others will be judged for that sin.]
Although the idea of spanking is a pretty good chunk of the book, I’ll make it a short part of the review. Reading their chapter on spanking is hard. I didn’t even know all the ways spanking could be done wrong until reading it. Spanking is a pretty sensitive and personal subject. The authors would likely argue that all spanking is wrong and should be criminalized.
I, however, do not think you can say unequivocally ‘Spanking is bad’ or ‘Spanking is good.’
An important verse we could consider here:
“we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it… They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrew 12:9-11, emphasis mine)
Discipline, whether through correction, boundaries, or consequences, is for the good of the child. There are many ways to discipline, and spanking is only one method. The key is the heart behind it—discipline should never be done in anger or to ‘make a child pay’ for sin. It should always be restorative, loving, and aimed at the child’s good.
Again, the issue isn’t the doctrine; it’s the distortion.
These are some great articles to consider (written by evangelicals): HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.
Lastly, another concerning argument the authors make is that parents should “allow the child’s inner life to remain their own, private and known by God alone.” They see this as respecting boundaries. But Scripture calls us to bring sin into the light, not to hide it in the dark. Encouraging a child to keep their inner life entirely private—even their struggles or sins—doesn’t foster maturity or healthy autonomy; it fosters isolation.
The authors seem offended by the idea that children might not have a good handle on what is right or wrong.
When Ken Ham observes “They are unable to discriminate between good and evil. They don’t have the discipline to choose between truth and the cleverly crafted evolutionary philosophies”
(MFB & KKM) respond:
“This impoverished view of children’s ability to asses the world around them speaks to a deep ambivalence about their feelings, experiences, and desires” and puts children in an “unflattering light” reminding us that God creates everyone “with the ability to see beauty, experience joy, feel deep love and affection.”
But we can, again, hold two true things here: our kids need help developing self control and discerning right and wrong AND they are image-bearers who can recognize good and beauty.
The authors are right to point out how Jesus responds to children. He says the kingdom belongs to them (Matt 19:14)— that there is an innocence there we should not dismiss.
And yet, sin still creeps in. How unloving would it be to allow my daughter to be left alone to the privacy of her inner thoughts that might tell her she is stupid or unloved or that it feels right to hate her siblings. Practicing privacy of sin taken into adulthood is disastrous when sins become bigger and confessing them becomes harder.
As parents, we’re called to lovingly guide our children’s hearts, helping them identify sin, confess it, and experience the beauty of forgiveness. That’s not control—it’s discipleship.
Recommendation:
If our parenting has become performance-based, angry, or lacking in grace, we should absolutely stop and re-evaluate. If we’ve believed that our children must somehow “atone” for their sins through punishment, we need to repent and return to the gospel.
But the answer is not to abandon foundational Christian doctrines. The solution to bad theology is not less theology—it’s truer theology. The Bible IS helpful for training in righteousness. (2 Tim 3:14-17)
I think the biggest takeaway for parents is to be discerning, making sure you teach your kids all of Scripture, and being well-versed to identify false teaching.
The biggest takeaway for church leaders/teachers is to repent of any unbiblical teaching and boost clarity in your messaging about discipline, parenting and how it relates to the gospel, getting ahead of any distortions or misapplications.
So: is there enough value in this book to outweigh the concerns? For me, probably not. There was more tearing down than building up. And while it raises valid points about abuse and misuse of power, its rejection of historic doctrines and its broad generalizations make it difficult to recommend. Readers could glean the same wisdom about grace, discernment, and gentleness from more biblically grounded books.
If you feel compelled to read this book, read with caution and process the book with other trusted people in your life, holding all things up to Scripture.
There are surely myths to parenting, but believing the Bible has something to say about it, is not one of them.
Sidenotes:
I will add that reading this book for sure makes me more excited to read Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens by Adam Griffin. The blurb reads: “Be firm with your kids, but not scary. Be friendly, yet maintain authority. Work hard, but prioritize time at home. Parents are faced with an overwhelming mix of advice. Self-help books, blog posts, and endless tips often leave parents feeling more stressed, discouraged, and fearful. Unlike typical self-help books, Good News for Parents reveals the source of lasting freedom found in the person of Jesus Christ.”
We have loved Ellie Holcomb's Sing Album that reminds kids of their identity in Christ and his love for them.
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest | StoryGraph
September 25, 2025
Meticulously researched, The Myth of Good Christian Parenting, is a journalistic and historical exploration of the Christian parenting empire in the 1970s to present, which touted “experts” such as James Dobson, Michael and Debi Pearl, and Tedd Tripp. Authors Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis identify the central myths of good Christian parenting, such as teachings on authority, children’s autonomy, sin nature, and of course, spanking. They also share interviews with adults who are recovering from the impact of these teachings, demonstrating the adults’ struggles with their sense of self, decision-making, faith, and relationship with their parents. This book is for anyone—whether you were a parent in this generation or a child—who is questioning the false promises of Christian parenting literature and wants to examine the outcomes.
Disclaimer: I received a free review copy from NetGalley and Brazos Press. I am friends with the authors and share a literary agent.
Disclaimer: I received a free review copy from NetGalley and Brazos Press. I am friends with the authors and share a literary agent.
October 22, 2025
Well sourced, but oof. There are many pieces of my life I have experienced as an adult where I have learned and gained wisdom, and wished I had the same information/perspective entering adulthood. We are at such a different place information wise now, where the curtains have been opened, and light has been shed. “Jesus & John Wayne” (with many other resources) is a precursor for me to a book like this. I was raised in a home that used the older people the authors mention, and I parented early in my journey with the others she mentions (and yes, many have been big in the homeschooling community of which I’m a fringe part.) I’ve already seen how much of this plays out having adult children and have adjusted my parenting style with my kids still in the home. They have the advantage of this wisdom via experience. I grieve and have had to seek forgiveness from my adult kids over a lot of what is mentioned here. There are definitely pieces presented that I don’t know if I full fledge agree with the authors on, and I look forward to discussing and thinking more about them with friends. However, I do think there are great things to think through, lament, change, pray through, & offer grace and forgiveness for. Intent, as they point to, may be good and well at heart, but as the authors also point out, it doesn’t mitigate the impact in the lives of real, independent image bearers, and we must have the humility to own this and listen to the hard testimonies-even if it’s from our own kids.
October 7, 2025
This is a helpful look at Christian parenting books and the promises that parents have been sold. I appreciated the inclusion of the social and cultural contexts that led parents to fully trust and believe in these authors. I agree that a lot of these resources are presented to parents as "biblical" and based on the writers' anecdotal experiences instead of research based on development and attachment needs. I found the chapter on corporal punishment to be very well written and helpful to read as a child who was spanked and "turned out fine," but really not. As a parent trying to understand my past and to do things a bit differently, this was a helpful book. I just wanted a bit more, perhaps more in the "where do we go from here section?" Finally, there's also a great resource at the end of the book for evaluating parenting resources. 👍🏻
October 8, 2025
I didn’t know how much I needed this book until I started underlining every other sentence. The Myth of the Good Christian Parenting feels like a deep breath in a culture full of parents clutching rulebooks instead of grace. It’s wise, timely, and refreshingly unpretentious. Honestly, after years of seeing well-meaning but judgmental parents quoting all the wrong books, this one felt like a necessary course correction and a healing one at that.
August 11, 2025
I had the honor and privilege of being an early reader and endorser of this book. It is accessible and powerful at the same time—and so desperately needed today. I would recommend it to evangelicals and exvangelicals alike.
October 13, 2025
This is an excellent reckoning with a subject the western evangelical church is overdue to examine broadly. Burt and McGinnis look at the most popular/pervasive Christian parenting resources through a theological lens, inspecting the fruit as it has come. It is well researched and careful to keep the words of the books/teachers in proper context.
In short, many raised by the methods of these teachers have been deeply harmed, whether intentionally or not. Why is that, and is it in keeping with the character of God and the One we are told to emulate: Jesus? I will be recommending and giving this book to a lot of people in my life. It is not prescriptive; this is not another parenting method. They're just asking the right questions.
"Do Christians have the capacity to listen to the stories of the spiritual children of the church, to be angry and grieve and lament with those who sit among the ruins and to walk alongside those who want to rebuild? Is God incapable of preserving them—and all of us who make up the church (the sacred temple in whom he dwells!)—throughout this process? The pages of the psalms are filled with questions from lamenting children. God doesn't muffle or dismiss them. Indeed, the prophets remind people that performative empty obedience is never the goal. Religious communities are repeatedly called to collective repentance, and the kings of Israel, tasked with religious faithfulness, are publicly chronicled according to the sins of their fathers. The idea that humans can build and enact faith communities impervious to critique is erroneous. It's okay to be honest about the church's failings. We suggest that Christians not proceed from a posture of "How dare the children speak?" and "Shame on them for that tone!" Rather, let's be soberly aware that there's a day of reckoning for the emperors and tailors and pastors and parents and all who act as shepherds over God's people."
In short, many raised by the methods of these teachers have been deeply harmed, whether intentionally or not. Why is that, and is it in keeping with the character of God and the One we are told to emulate: Jesus? I will be recommending and giving this book to a lot of people in my life. It is not prescriptive; this is not another parenting method. They're just asking the right questions.
"Do Christians have the capacity to listen to the stories of the spiritual children of the church, to be angry and grieve and lament with those who sit among the ruins and to walk alongside those who want to rebuild? Is God incapable of preserving them—and all of us who make up the church (the sacred temple in whom he dwells!)—throughout this process? The pages of the psalms are filled with questions from lamenting children. God doesn't muffle or dismiss them. Indeed, the prophets remind people that performative empty obedience is never the goal. Religious communities are repeatedly called to collective repentance, and the kings of Israel, tasked with religious faithfulness, are publicly chronicled according to the sins of their fathers. The idea that humans can build and enact faith communities impervious to critique is erroneous. It's okay to be honest about the church's failings. We suggest that Christians not proceed from a posture of "How dare the children speak?" and "Shame on them for that tone!" Rather, let's be soberly aware that there's a day of reckoning for the emperors and tailors and pastors and parents and all who act as shepherds over God's people."
October 12, 2025
I was raised in a conservative environment, and though I later left a great deal of the beliefs, I never would say my mom's parenting was a source of trauma. However, as I've parented my own child, I've realized there were practices that didn't feel right to me. It's hard to navigate both a love and respect for a parent and the feeling that something was off.
This book does a fantastic job showing the heavy yoke that parents have been placed under. This doesn't excuse them for harmful practices, but it shows why people chose shame-based strategies and corporal punishment. The authors cover the history of parenting teaching, along with a deep dive into the instruction given and why it is problematic. It gave me empathy for parents while showing me my gut is right--there is something dangerous in conservative Christian parenting teachings.
This is a book with a lot of grace. Even though it was hard to read, I felt encouraged in the end. I'm so grateful for the chance to have read this book, and I'm eager to share it with many of my Christian parent friends.
This book does a fantastic job showing the heavy yoke that parents have been placed under. This doesn't excuse them for harmful practices, but it shows why people chose shame-based strategies and corporal punishment. The authors cover the history of parenting teaching, along with a deep dive into the instruction given and why it is problematic. It gave me empathy for parents while showing me my gut is right--there is something dangerous in conservative Christian parenting teachings.
This is a book with a lot of grace. Even though it was hard to read, I felt encouraged in the end. I'm so grateful for the chance to have read this book, and I'm eager to share it with many of my Christian parent friends.
November 3, 2025
Honestly, it’s a must-read for me. I’ve been waiting for someone to write a book like this for many years, and I will be recommending it to anyone who has even a remote interest.
Read
November 11, 2025I picked up this book interested in reading about what patterns and teachings I grew up around or seen in church environments that may have been more driven by the American evangelical Christian culture rather than what the universal church has taught.
The authors analyze the historic roots of these teachings, and how they became conflated with ‘biblical’ Christianity, where rejecting these teachings have become seen as a rejection of Christianity as a whole.
The authors dismantle many of these teachings around parenting that have been taught in the name of authoritative biblical truth. For example, the penal substitutionary atonement model of justification is a rather recent development in church history and only one of many explanation models of justification/salvation, to speak nothing of its validity.
The authors point to the trend of deconstruction in American adults who grew up in the evangelical church, and notice that many conflate Christianity with these extra-biblical teachings, especially around parenting, because these teachings are taught as linked with Christian truth (for example, you must spank your children if you are Christian). Then, when they question and deconstruct these teachings, it leads them to forsake Christianity entirely. I appreciated the authors’ gracious tone towards those who have done so, and gentle reminder that the god that was shown to them through those teachings is not the God of the Bible and of the universal historic church.
The authors analyze the historic roots of these teachings, and how they became conflated with ‘biblical’ Christianity, where rejecting these teachings have become seen as a rejection of Christianity as a whole.
The authors dismantle many of these teachings around parenting that have been taught in the name of authoritative biblical truth. For example, the penal substitutionary atonement model of justification is a rather recent development in church history and only one of many explanation models of justification/salvation, to speak nothing of its validity.
The authors point to the trend of deconstruction in American adults who grew up in the evangelical church, and notice that many conflate Christianity with these extra-biblical teachings, especially around parenting, because these teachings are taught as linked with Christian truth (for example, you must spank your children if you are Christian). Then, when they question and deconstruct these teachings, it leads them to forsake Christianity entirely. I appreciated the authors’ gracious tone towards those who have done so, and gentle reminder that the god that was shown to them through those teachings is not the God of the Bible and of the universal historic church.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 7, 2025
The Myth of Good Christian Parenting presents a needed perspective in a sea of "biblical" and authoritarian parenting resources that guide caregivers to detach from their intuition, treat children as subhuman, and promise prosperity. If you were parented with or surrounded by this popular teaching, you will be presented with its history, the harm it caused, and with the freedom to practice care for children that is rooted in their humanity and goodness.
November 10, 2025
Exemplifies the quote: “The truth will set you free, but first it’ll piss you off”
So grateful for this book. I wish I could have read it before my first child was born.
I’m so thankful that in his grace, God kept me from following a lot of the teachings about parenting that I was brought up in.
I hope this book can save many more parents and children from going down the dark paths so often labeled “biblical” and help many more process and begin to heal.
So grateful for this book. I wish I could have read it before my first child was born.
I’m so thankful that in his grace, God kept me from following a lot of the teachings about parenting that I was brought up in.
I hope this book can save many more parents and children from going down the dark paths so often labeled “biblical” and help many more process and begin to heal.
December 9, 2025
I deeply wanted to give this book 5 stars because of the truly excellent work it sets out to do. In a way, I think this book partially sets out to do for Christian parenting what “The Great Sex Rescue” has done for Christian marriages and sex: addressing harmful beliefs the church has absorbed and documenting their effects. I think the book does a fairly thorough job describing the common and harmful parenting teaching and beliefs through the last century or so, and describing how children (and those who have grown up) have been affected. This is essential, timely work.
My one concern with this book (and to be fair, this may not have been the stated purpose or scope of this book) is that I don’t think I could give it to anyone (including myself 5 years ago) that was still absorbed in this way of thinking. While the book made a good effort to stay fair, it’s clear (and understandable, given the harmful effects) that there’s frustration, incredulity, and anger at these beliefs. And while I agree with many of the counter arguments, I don’t think they’re quite presented in a way that would convince someone still wrestling with their beliefs. It can feel like some of these beliefs are presented as absurd or ill-motivated, and while I think that’s often true, I think that could cause shame or defensiveness in a reader who still isn’t sure. Especially for readers who are deeply entrenched in Biblical literalism, they may not find the counterarguments convincing enough or sufficient Biblically.
In that same vein, I think what made The Great Sex Rescue so compelling was the massive amount of proof. There is no denying the bad fruit from some of these fundamentalist beliefs about sex, thanks to extensive survey research. I get that this book did not set out to that, and that it’s a massive undertaking to do that much surveying, but I do feel like this book could have benefitted from additional “proof.” It felt like the book presented fundamentalist Christian parenting teaching as proof enough of its harm, with some explanation, testimony, or counterarguments. However, I think there was enough room left for doubt. A reader may not leave convinced that these beliefs are actually harmful, because there isn’t as much of a clear connection between these beliefs and harmful results. I get that’s difficult to prove, but I was hoping for more of it anyway.
However, this is a validating book for those who have already emerged out of some of this teaching and are wondering why they feel so harmed by it all. I’m glad and thankful for this work, and I think it’s an essential contribution to the Christian parenting conversation.
My one concern with this book (and to be fair, this may not have been the stated purpose or scope of this book) is that I don’t think I could give it to anyone (including myself 5 years ago) that was still absorbed in this way of thinking. While the book made a good effort to stay fair, it’s clear (and understandable, given the harmful effects) that there’s frustration, incredulity, and anger at these beliefs. And while I agree with many of the counter arguments, I don’t think they’re quite presented in a way that would convince someone still wrestling with their beliefs. It can feel like some of these beliefs are presented as absurd or ill-motivated, and while I think that’s often true, I think that could cause shame or defensiveness in a reader who still isn’t sure. Especially for readers who are deeply entrenched in Biblical literalism, they may not find the counterarguments convincing enough or sufficient Biblically.
In that same vein, I think what made The Great Sex Rescue so compelling was the massive amount of proof. There is no denying the bad fruit from some of these fundamentalist beliefs about sex, thanks to extensive survey research. I get that this book did not set out to that, and that it’s a massive undertaking to do that much surveying, but I do feel like this book could have benefitted from additional “proof.” It felt like the book presented fundamentalist Christian parenting teaching as proof enough of its harm, with some explanation, testimony, or counterarguments. However, I think there was enough room left for doubt. A reader may not leave convinced that these beliefs are actually harmful, because there isn’t as much of a clear connection between these beliefs and harmful results. I get that’s difficult to prove, but I was hoping for more of it anyway.
However, this is a validating book for those who have already emerged out of some of this teaching and are wondering why they feel so harmed by it all. I’m glad and thankful for this work, and I think it’s an essential contribution to the Christian parenting conversation.
November 10, 2025
This was an excellent book. Amidst the tender and at times heavier subject matter, the authors maintained a kind and gracious tone which I really appreciated. I’d recommend this to anyone who is looking to understand the origins and history of what is touted as “biblical” parenting advice. They do a deep dive into the authors & books that have proclaimed to explain God’s way to parent, and go into how these ideas have assimilated into evangelical Christian culture, promising success and positive outcomes to those who followed their formulas. The authors point out what is problematic about many of these views; they explore the lack of good hermeneutics and credentials of the people behind them. If you’re seeking a more evidence-based and truly biblical, Christlike way of parenting your children, you will be encouraged by this book.
October 23, 2025
What a gift to people actively parenting—as well as grown kids who were raised in Christian homes under teachings popular in Christian circles.
“…What makes something Christian is if it reflects the life and teaching of Jesus” (p. 187). Wow. So much good information and cause for reflection.
I also so appreciated the authors asking what if the “one another” passages of the Bible should apply to the way we treat children?
“…What makes something Christian is if it reflects the life and teaching of Jesus” (p. 187). Wow. So much good information and cause for reflection.
I also so appreciated the authors asking what if the “one another” passages of the Bible should apply to the way we treat children?
October 14, 2025
This book is proving to be one I will come back to again and again. Kelsey Kramer McGinnis and Marissa Franks Burt hit every nail on the head. It is validating, convincing, and overall the book I wish I had when I started my parenting journey. The book reflects so much of my own journey over the last few years both theologically/spiritually and in my parenting. It has given me more grace for my parents and for myself in my early parenting days because of what I had been taught, and because my circle of influence was limited and I genuinely didn’t know better. It is because of women like these authors who have spoken out and used their voices and God-given intellect that I have been able to learn, grow, and do better for myself and my children.
I highly recommend this book.
I highly recommend this book.
October 7, 2025
This book is truly invaluable for anyone raised in evangelicalism or who is currently raising kids in evangelicalism.
Exposing the myths that Christian parents believe is no small task. It’s clear that so much research went into this book. As someone raised by the parenting methods written about here, I can say it is truly helpful to know why your parents may have treated you a certain way that did harm. This book explains so much of the “why?” of my childhood.
Exposing the myths that Christian parents believe is no small task. It’s clear that so much research went into this book. As someone raised by the parenting methods written about here, I can say it is truly helpful to know why your parents may have treated you a certain way that did harm. This book explains so much of the “why?” of my childhood.
October 8, 2025
The Myth of Good Christian parenting is a refreshing read after 20 years of reading books with formulas that didn’t work or feel right in my spirit, I wish I had had this book as a young mom, it’s thoughtful, full of grace and gives you back your confidence.
October 8, 2025
This is an outstanding critical overview of what has been published about Christian parenting over the past decades. The writing is clear and the analysis is insightful. I'm happy to recommend this book.
September 29, 2025
Through the first chapter. Will update as I go. Four stars because the topic is so difficult for me. Marissa and Kelsey write with clear, well-researched, and lovingly truthful, even hopeful voices to address the history, impact, and legacy of the American evangelical Christian parenting instruction industry. The effects of this 'biblical' parenting teaching reach from individual and family relationships to the most influential offices in the world right now, and the results are often disturbing and sad. By documenting the experience of millions of people over the past 55 years, the authors are saying out loud what has happened and what got us here. I'm interested to learn more.
Halfway through: the authors are giving a thorough review of how Christian parenting advice developed, especially since 1970, and how it's has been inextricably linked with dominionist and other Calvinist theology.
Halfway through: the authors are giving a thorough review of how Christian parenting advice developed, especially since 1970, and how it's has been inextricably linked with dominionist and other Calvinist theology.
October 8, 2025
This book is a must-read for every Christian, especially parents and pastors! Kelsey and Marissa put hours in behind the scenes researching Christian parenting, starting up a podcast reviewing popular parenting books, sharing content on social media and then took all of that and condensed it into a book. They share cultural and historical trends of “Christian” parenting in a way that is objective and also healing. No, you are not crazy for thinking your parents abused you. Unfortunately, some did it on purpose, others did it because that’s just what they were told they had to do. There is another way. While they don’t give parenting advice directly themselves, they guide you to a path that helps you find the true way that will work for your family, a way that says enough to violence, control and spiritual manipulation.
October 20, 2025
This book was wonderfully done. I was blessed by it on so many levels and I am so thankful for Marissa and Kelsey's boldness to tackle this subject.
If you were raised under Christian Parenting books or were raising kids with Christian Parenting books I highly encourage you to read this book. May you experience healing and be challenged to wrestle with your views.
Pastors and Counselors need to pick this book up too. Odds are high your flock or your clients were hurt by these teachings even if that wasn't the goal of the teachers.
This book is massively helpful in presenting these teachings and putting a name to them and an origin.
I appreciate so much the tenderness in how they handle these topics, knowing the hurt many are reliving while reading this, and the grace in which they address both the adult children, the parents who believed the myths, and even so grace within their dealings of the Authors who perpetuated these Myths.
This quote from the book says a lot - "We are not interested in judging the motivations of parenting experts, if such a thing were even possible, or in villainizing the "tailors." It's tempting to make the pastor-teachers the villains in this story- crooks who set out to swindle everyone or who operated with malice but that would be an oversimplification. We expect that ministry motivations, lack of self-awareness, legitimate concerns and fears, marketing, greed, and the incapacity to reckon with consequences all play a part. We have attempted to present their teaching in their own words, and we hope that anyone who reads this book will not see their work unfairly represented, even if they find themselves disagreeing with us. Additionally, plenty of people looking for helpful advice found it in Christian parenting resources. To examine these resources critically is not to say there is nothing of merit in them or that all families were only harmed by them."
Reading this book it is clear that the goal is to pursue this conversation that should be happening about where we as American Christians were led astray in Parenting or being parented and how we can do better.
This isn't a Parenting book. They don't give you a how-to guide. But they present to you the myths that permeated the Christian Parenting topic for the past 50ish years so you can evaluate and forge a better path forward for yourself and for your children.
Read this book. It will be worth it.
If you were raised under Christian Parenting books or were raising kids with Christian Parenting books I highly encourage you to read this book. May you experience healing and be challenged to wrestle with your views.
Pastors and Counselors need to pick this book up too. Odds are high your flock or your clients were hurt by these teachings even if that wasn't the goal of the teachers.
This book is massively helpful in presenting these teachings and putting a name to them and an origin.
I appreciate so much the tenderness in how they handle these topics, knowing the hurt many are reliving while reading this, and the grace in which they address both the adult children, the parents who believed the myths, and even so grace within their dealings of the Authors who perpetuated these Myths.
This quote from the book says a lot - "We are not interested in judging the motivations of parenting experts, if such a thing were even possible, or in villainizing the "tailors." It's tempting to make the pastor-teachers the villains in this story- crooks who set out to swindle everyone or who operated with malice but that would be an oversimplification. We expect that ministry motivations, lack of self-awareness, legitimate concerns and fears, marketing, greed, and the incapacity to reckon with consequences all play a part. We have attempted to present their teaching in their own words, and we hope that anyone who reads this book will not see their work unfairly represented, even if they find themselves disagreeing with us. Additionally, plenty of people looking for helpful advice found it in Christian parenting resources. To examine these resources critically is not to say there is nothing of merit in them or that all families were only harmed by them."
Reading this book it is clear that the goal is to pursue this conversation that should be happening about where we as American Christians were led astray in Parenting or being parented and how we can do better.
This isn't a Parenting book. They don't give you a how-to guide. But they present to you the myths that permeated the Christian Parenting topic for the past 50ish years so you can evaluate and forge a better path forward for yourself and for your children.
Read this book. It will be worth it.
October 24, 2025
This is a really excellent book that (I hope) marks an inflection point in the conversation about religious trauma and faith.
Among the books that even claim to acknowledge the legitimacy of something like religious trauma, too many fall into the extremes of either brushing over the seriousness of its impact or else exaggerating the extent of it to be synonymous with Christianity itself. In both cases, the fundamentalist black/white categories are maintained. Things are either all good or all bad, and there's little room for gray.
Burt and McGinnis hold space for the individual experiences AND they unflinchingly condemn the authoritarian and corporal punishment culture of Christian parenting in the '90s and '00s. Their case studies and highlighted excerpts from the ministries of Dobson, Tripp, Wilson, Gothard, Pearl, et al. should be enough to convince most readers that this was and still is a serious problem. Burt and McGinnis speak honestly about the personal and relational issues that can accompany these teachings, and they offer grace to parents and children impacted by these teachings.
These ministries can sometimes feel like low-hanging fruit for the critics of conservative religion, but it never feels like Burt and McGinnis have it out for anyone. At the same time, they don't pull punches. They're able to say that there's room for us when we fail, while at the same time saying there should be no space in any church made for the dehumanization of children.
At the risk of cliche language ruining my review, I might go so far as to say Burt and McGinnis have truly demonstrated what it could look like to both love sinful people and hate the sin that corrupts them. I don't see it enough in writing, and I'm so so glad that these women can join that small space in my mental bookshelf.
Among the books that even claim to acknowledge the legitimacy of something like religious trauma, too many fall into the extremes of either brushing over the seriousness of its impact or else exaggerating the extent of it to be synonymous with Christianity itself. In both cases, the fundamentalist black/white categories are maintained. Things are either all good or all bad, and there's little room for gray.
Burt and McGinnis hold space for the individual experiences AND they unflinchingly condemn the authoritarian and corporal punishment culture of Christian parenting in the '90s and '00s. Their case studies and highlighted excerpts from the ministries of Dobson, Tripp, Wilson, Gothard, Pearl, et al. should be enough to convince most readers that this was and still is a serious problem. Burt and McGinnis speak honestly about the personal and relational issues that can accompany these teachings, and they offer grace to parents and children impacted by these teachings.
These ministries can sometimes feel like low-hanging fruit for the critics of conservative religion, but it never feels like Burt and McGinnis have it out for anyone. At the same time, they don't pull punches. They're able to say that there's room for us when we fail, while at the same time saying there should be no space in any church made for the dehumanization of children.
At the risk of cliche language ruining my review, I might go so far as to say Burt and McGinnis have truly demonstrated what it could look like to both love sinful people and hate the sin that corrupts them. I don't see it enough in writing, and I'm so so glad that these women can join that small space in my mental bookshelf.
October 15, 2025
Open this book and dive into the who's what's when's how's and where's…
-Who’s writing these parenting books? Let's talk about the various author’s credentials, qualifications, and fall outs.
-What are the words “Biblical” and “Christian” used to communicate? Let’s talk about authority and hierarchy and how they're wielded by authors to encourage parents to question outside voices and even themselves and trust the Christian "experts,” and how children are repeatedly described in debased terms throughout.
-When were these books published? Let’s talk about how the cultural moment changes the focus but underneath the fear driven message to parents stays mostly the same across the Christian parenting resources.
-How were parents encouraged to get the results they wanted? Let’s talk about liturgized spanking, indoctrination and lack of individualization of children and their needs.
-Where do we go from here? Let’s talk about the children who lived this reality, the parents who regret or wish to avoid perpetuating the myths, and how to find healthier parenting resources.
And, let’s talk about all of this and more as if we were examining these teachings with a qualified but kind friend. It’s gracious to authors, parents, and children alike.
Quotes,...
“Evangelical churches have been ‘focused on the family’ for decades, which means problems found in evangelical family-life teaching mirror what is occurring in evangelical church family systems.”
“It can be sobering as a parent to realize that we are merely stewarding the charge of another human being. It‘s also freeing, because the outcome doesn’t depend on parental efforts. Christian parents can entrust children and their future to God. This perspective shift can, we hope, put an end to seeing children as empty buckets to fill or arrows for parents to shoot or testimonies for the witness of the church or any other aspirational desire. Instead parents can appreciate the miracle of the child who stands before them in real time taking their temperaments and developmental needs into account.”
"Because parenting teaching came with catechesis about what God is like, this is also a moment of iconoclasm, a moment to shatter the idols we've made out of parents to tear down the high places where we've fashioned God after our own image. For those reading this book who still retain faith in God, we invite you to meet him afresh on his own terms."
-Who’s writing these parenting books? Let's talk about the various author’s credentials, qualifications, and fall outs.
-What are the words “Biblical” and “Christian” used to communicate? Let’s talk about authority and hierarchy and how they're wielded by authors to encourage parents to question outside voices and even themselves and trust the Christian "experts,” and how children are repeatedly described in debased terms throughout.
-When were these books published? Let’s talk about how the cultural moment changes the focus but underneath the fear driven message to parents stays mostly the same across the Christian parenting resources.
-How were parents encouraged to get the results they wanted? Let’s talk about liturgized spanking, indoctrination and lack of individualization of children and their needs.
-Where do we go from here? Let’s talk about the children who lived this reality, the parents who regret or wish to avoid perpetuating the myths, and how to find healthier parenting resources.
And, let’s talk about all of this and more as if we were examining these teachings with a qualified but kind friend. It’s gracious to authors, parents, and children alike.
Quotes,...
“Evangelical churches have been ‘focused on the family’ for decades, which means problems found in evangelical family-life teaching mirror what is occurring in evangelical church family systems.”
“It can be sobering as a parent to realize that we are merely stewarding the charge of another human being. It‘s also freeing, because the outcome doesn’t depend on parental efforts. Christian parents can entrust children and their future to God. This perspective shift can, we hope, put an end to seeing children as empty buckets to fill or arrows for parents to shoot or testimonies for the witness of the church or any other aspirational desire. Instead parents can appreciate the miracle of the child who stands before them in real time taking their temperaments and developmental needs into account.”
"Because parenting teaching came with catechesis about what God is like, this is also a moment of iconoclasm, a moment to shatter the idols we've made out of parents to tear down the high places where we've fashioned God after our own image. For those reading this book who still retain faith in God, we invite you to meet him afresh on his own terms."
October 23, 2025
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them.” The authors of this book make a persuasive case for why and how Christian churches and parents need to return to Jesus’s gentle love and compassion for children.
The authors explain how many of the most popular Christian parenting books of the last 50 years include harmful and legalistic teachings that devalue the humanity of children and create a wedge between parent and child.
They deftly explain how desperate parents were sold a “prosperity gospel” by many popular Christian authors and teachers who promised that if they only follow their formulaic teachings and ritualized spanking, their children would grow up to be godly Christians and not rebel.
The authors also examine how ritualized spanking and harsh, authoritarian demands for instant obedience set the groundwork for child abuse in Christian homes and churches.
At the end, they include ideas about how to start the healing process for survivors. Through a posture of humility and by following Christ’s own example toward children, they lay out the groundwork for a better path. I appreciated their tools Christian parents can use to identify self-proclaimed parenting experts who should not be trusted.
I can only hope that every Christian leader, parent, and church member who has been exposed to these harmful yet pervasive parenting ideas will read this book and carefully consider what went wrong so we can begin the process of providing justice for survivors, healing, and changing churches and Christian homes to make them safer for children.
The authors explain how many of the most popular Christian parenting books of the last 50 years include harmful and legalistic teachings that devalue the humanity of children and create a wedge between parent and child.
They deftly explain how desperate parents were sold a “prosperity gospel” by many popular Christian authors and teachers who promised that if they only follow their formulaic teachings and ritualized spanking, their children would grow up to be godly Christians and not rebel.
The authors also examine how ritualized spanking and harsh, authoritarian demands for instant obedience set the groundwork for child abuse in Christian homes and churches.
At the end, they include ideas about how to start the healing process for survivors. Through a posture of humility and by following Christ’s own example toward children, they lay out the groundwork for a better path. I appreciated their tools Christian parents can use to identify self-proclaimed parenting experts who should not be trusted.
I can only hope that every Christian leader, parent, and church member who has been exposed to these harmful yet pervasive parenting ideas will read this book and carefully consider what went wrong so we can begin the process of providing justice for survivors, healing, and changing churches and Christian homes to make them safer for children.
December 1, 2025
This book is required reading for a generation of American evangelicals. The book identifies key theological errors that undergird an entire generation of parenting teaching: James Dobson, the Ezzos (BabyWise, Growing Kids God's Way), Voddie Baucham, Michael and Debi Pearl, Ted Tripp, Ginger Hubbard, Doug Wilson, and others.
Errors include heavy authoritarianism / hierarchy, the prosperity Gospel promises/guarantees offered by Christian parenting teaching, the dehumanization of children, a deeply distorted emphasis on sin / depravity, prooftexting popular parenting practices through careless eisegesis rather than opting for careful exegesis, the God-like status of authority figures without any meaningful checks and balances, no consideration of neurodivergence or disability, and many other errors.
The book also shares how these theological errors lead directly to devastating consequences. Parents were given impossible burdens, and their children carry lifelong scars. Many parents who implemented this teaching, and their grown children raised under it, have suffered family estrangement, physical and spiritual abuse, and religious trauma, with resulting alienation from God and the church.
The book also offers helpful broader historical context for the development of modern family life theology. This allows for deconstructing harmful modern teaching while remaining moored to the broader historical and global Christian tradition that is bigger than white American evangelicalism.
I appreciate that the book offers both victimized parents and victimized children compassion and grace, while maintaining unflinching honesty about the harm caused and the need for restoration and repair.
Errors include heavy authoritarianism / hierarchy, the prosperity Gospel promises/guarantees offered by Christian parenting teaching, the dehumanization of children, a deeply distorted emphasis on sin / depravity, prooftexting popular parenting practices through careless eisegesis rather than opting for careful exegesis, the God-like status of authority figures without any meaningful checks and balances, no consideration of neurodivergence or disability, and many other errors.
The book also shares how these theological errors lead directly to devastating consequences. Parents were given impossible burdens, and their children carry lifelong scars. Many parents who implemented this teaching, and their grown children raised under it, have suffered family estrangement, physical and spiritual abuse, and religious trauma, with resulting alienation from God and the church.
The book also offers helpful broader historical context for the development of modern family life theology. This allows for deconstructing harmful modern teaching while remaining moored to the broader historical and global Christian tradition that is bigger than white American evangelicalism.
I appreciate that the book offers both victimized parents and victimized children compassion and grace, while maintaining unflinching honesty about the harm caused and the need for restoration and repair.
October 23, 2025
For several months I have watched various videos from Marissa and Kelsey, read their posts on social media, listened to their deep dives into influential evangelical parenting books where they dissect the ideas within and expose the mythology behind the claims of self appointed evangelical parenting gurus. When they announced they intended to write a book on the subject of the falsehoods and abuses contained in popular evangelical parenting resources, I could tell they had already done a mountain of research on such issues and I expected it to be a throughly well researched success.
I was not wrong. In fact, they exceeded my already high expectations. With a tone of objectivity, they lay bare the various lies and false prosperity gospel promises of “good Christian Parenting” by drawing upon the testimony of childhood victims from Christian families; pulling apart the inconsistencies within the works of James Dobson, Tedd Tripp, Ginger Hubbard, Larry Christenson, Michael Pearl, Doug Wilson, Larry Tomczak, Bill Gothard, and others like Roy Lessin while also pointing out their incongruity with the words of Jesus; informing readers about the history of Religious Right political ideology and why it places such high importance on authoritarian parenting that relies on corporal punishment; and much more.
If I were to make comparisons with other exposés of evangelical culture, I would put it right up there with Kristen DuMez’s, “Jesus and John Wayne,” as both lay out a political history of the religious right and theology in church history with Marissa and Kelsey closely focusing on how those impacted evangelical parenting. I was impressed with how they drew upon the expertise of those in the fields of psychology, sociology, child development, religious trauma, and history; experts like Philip Greven, Dr. Stacy Patton, Janet Heimlich, Alice Miller, L.R Knost, William Sears, Elizabeth Gershoff, Ryan Stoller, etc…to draw attention to the ways evangelical parenting has caused religious and even generational trauma and research based suggestions for a healthier way forward.
This is a resource for any parent who feels their must be something better than the pain focused authoritarian parenting advocated by evangelical churches, evangelical authors, and influencers. It is also a necessary resource for any adult who is/or has deconstructed the faith of their childhood and wants to understand the impact of evangelical parenting on their trauma and their current faith journey. Marissa and Kelsey are brilliant women with a vast knowledge of history, theology, politics, child development, etc….all of which they drew upon to form this courageous and much needed resource.
I was not wrong. In fact, they exceeded my already high expectations. With a tone of objectivity, they lay bare the various lies and false prosperity gospel promises of “good Christian Parenting” by drawing upon the testimony of childhood victims from Christian families; pulling apart the inconsistencies within the works of James Dobson, Tedd Tripp, Ginger Hubbard, Larry Christenson, Michael Pearl, Doug Wilson, Larry Tomczak, Bill Gothard, and others like Roy Lessin while also pointing out their incongruity with the words of Jesus; informing readers about the history of Religious Right political ideology and why it places such high importance on authoritarian parenting that relies on corporal punishment; and much more.
If I were to make comparisons with other exposés of evangelical culture, I would put it right up there with Kristen DuMez’s, “Jesus and John Wayne,” as both lay out a political history of the religious right and theology in church history with Marissa and Kelsey closely focusing on how those impacted evangelical parenting. I was impressed with how they drew upon the expertise of those in the fields of psychology, sociology, child development, religious trauma, and history; experts like Philip Greven, Dr. Stacy Patton, Janet Heimlich, Alice Miller, L.R Knost, William Sears, Elizabeth Gershoff, Ryan Stoller, etc…to draw attention to the ways evangelical parenting has caused religious and even generational trauma and research based suggestions for a healthier way forward.
This is a resource for any parent who feels their must be something better than the pain focused authoritarian parenting advocated by evangelical churches, evangelical authors, and influencers. It is also a necessary resource for any adult who is/or has deconstructed the faith of their childhood and wants to understand the impact of evangelical parenting on their trauma and their current faith journey. Marissa and Kelsey are brilliant women with a vast knowledge of history, theology, politics, child development, etc….all of which they drew upon to form this courageous and much needed resource.
November 17, 2025
A long overdue conversation on the ethical (or not) treatment of children within the church and the decades of evangelical parenting influencers (many of whom had next to no credentials) whose materials exploited and harmed the most vulnerable among us. Adults raised under the parenting advice of these influencers as children (the book names many well-known to fringe individuals whose resources shaped many parenting techniques employed in evangelical circles: Dobson, Tripp, Gothard, Ezzos, Wilson, Hubbard, Jankovic, Pearl etc.) now attest to the spiritual, emotional, physical and even sexual harm perpetrated on their bodies and souls as young children. The authors challenge us to truly study the character and life of Jesus and recognize the rotten fruit of these false teachings and parenting myths.
If you were raised under authoritarian parenting methods this may be a triggering read...and also a healing one. There may have never been someone to speak up for you and protect you as a child, to call child protective services when you were being violently abused by a human twice your size, there may have never been a dissenting voice in the church who pushed back against deep harm- but the conversation has started now and it's time to invite the Western evangelical church to a time of repentance and restoration.
If you were raised under authoritarian parenting methods this may be a triggering read...and also a healing one. There may have never been someone to speak up for you and protect you as a child, to call child protective services when you were being violently abused by a human twice your size, there may have never been a dissenting voice in the church who pushed back against deep harm- but the conversation has started now and it's time to invite the Western evangelical church to a time of repentance and restoration.
October 15, 2025
This book is excellent. As a new mother, I’ve found myself reflecting deeply on my own upbringing in a Christian home—the messages I was both explicitly taught and implicitly shaped by. *The Myth of Good Christian Parenting* thoughtfully explores many of the teachings that have dominated Christian parenting circles, especially those focused on controlling children's behavior with the assumption that the “right” parenting will guarantee children become followers of Christ.
One of the most powerful aspects of this book is how it unpacks widely accepted practices like “first-time obedience” and spanking—both of which I’ve had to personally deconstruct. As I’ve grown and matured, I’ve come to see serious flaws in these methods, and this book puts words to much of what I’ve been wrestling with.
One of my favorite quotes from the book reads:
“To deal ethically with children is to be willing to be moved by their desires, needs, and preferences. It doesn’t mean letting children always have their way, but it does require parents to value a child’s perspective rather than reduce their agency to the binary choice between obedience and disobedience. Theologian Bonnie Miller-McLemore writes, ‘Children must be fully respected as persons, valued as gifts, and viewed as agents.’ The ethical treatment of children means leaving behind a framework of rules based solely on hierarchy.”
And truly, isn’t that consistent with the heart of Christ? He came gentle and lowly, never breaking a bruised reed, always valuing the weakest and most vulnerable.
I highly recommend this book to every parent, especially those raised in Christian households shaped by rigid parenting ideals that may have done more harm than good. This book is both eye-opening and deeply healing.
One of the most powerful aspects of this book is how it unpacks widely accepted practices like “first-time obedience” and spanking—both of which I’ve had to personally deconstruct. As I’ve grown and matured, I’ve come to see serious flaws in these methods, and this book puts words to much of what I’ve been wrestling with.
One of my favorite quotes from the book reads:
“To deal ethically with children is to be willing to be moved by their desires, needs, and preferences. It doesn’t mean letting children always have their way, but it does require parents to value a child’s perspective rather than reduce their agency to the binary choice between obedience and disobedience. Theologian Bonnie Miller-McLemore writes, ‘Children must be fully respected as persons, valued as gifts, and viewed as agents.’ The ethical treatment of children means leaving behind a framework of rules based solely on hierarchy.”
And truly, isn’t that consistent with the heart of Christ? He came gentle and lowly, never breaking a bruised reed, always valuing the weakest and most vulnerable.
I highly recommend this book to every parent, especially those raised in Christian households shaped by rigid parenting ideals that may have done more harm than good. This book is both eye-opening and deeply healing.
October 11, 2025
The Proof is in the Fruit
I recently read an advanced copy of "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting" by Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis. I wish I'd had this resource when my sons were little. Instead, I became caught up in the "prosperity gospel" of Christian parenting, believing that if I followed the advice of self-proclaimed "experts," my family would be blessed. As it turns out, many of those experts weren't preaching the Bible (in context) at all. Instead, they were selling a formula that made them look good, helped them establish publishing empires, and convinced parents that if the practices didn't work for them, Satan and "the world" were to blame. Now, generations after the first Christian Parenting books hit the shelves, we cannot deny that the primary fruits of these teachings are abuse, frustrated children, and broken families.
More and more adults are going no-contact with parents, many of whom still don’t understand where they went wrong. After all, they followed the protocol set down by their pastors, teachers, and other “experts.” They kept their kids separated from the world, educated them at home, wouldn’t let them develop their own identities, and taught them to be immediately and unquestioningly obedient.
But children grow up, and those previously silenced generations are leaving the churches that promoted abusive materials in record numbers. Survivors are exposing the pain they’ve endured in the name of “good Christian parenting.”
On the bright side, repentant parents are listening and accepting responsibility for the emotional and physical trauma they brought into their home by following church-recommended curricula over their God-given instincts—and actual Scripture (like Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21). They’re apologizing to their children and making amends.
For both parents and children, reading "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting" is a significant step in the healing process.
I recently read an advanced copy of "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting" by Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis. I wish I'd had this resource when my sons were little. Instead, I became caught up in the "prosperity gospel" of Christian parenting, believing that if I followed the advice of self-proclaimed "experts," my family would be blessed. As it turns out, many of those experts weren't preaching the Bible (in context) at all. Instead, they were selling a formula that made them look good, helped them establish publishing empires, and convinced parents that if the practices didn't work for them, Satan and "the world" were to blame. Now, generations after the first Christian Parenting books hit the shelves, we cannot deny that the primary fruits of these teachings are abuse, frustrated children, and broken families.
More and more adults are going no-contact with parents, many of whom still don’t understand where they went wrong. After all, they followed the protocol set down by their pastors, teachers, and other “experts.” They kept their kids separated from the world, educated them at home, wouldn’t let them develop their own identities, and taught them to be immediately and unquestioningly obedient.
But children grow up, and those previously silenced generations are leaving the churches that promoted abusive materials in record numbers. Survivors are exposing the pain they’ve endured in the name of “good Christian parenting.”
On the bright side, repentant parents are listening and accepting responsibility for the emotional and physical trauma they brought into their home by following church-recommended curricula over their God-given instincts—and actual Scripture (like Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21). They’re apologizing to their children and making amends.
For both parents and children, reading "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting" is a significant step in the healing process.
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