What to Say and How to Say It to Your Teen: A Parent's Guide to 30 Tricky Conversations

by Tim Shoemaker, Mark Shoemaker

224 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2025

About the author

Tim Shoemaker is a speaker and author of eight books, including Dangerous Devotions for Guys; Smashed Tomatoes, Bottle Rockets, and Other Outdoor Devotionals; and Mashed Potatoes, Paint Balls, and Other Indoor/Outdoor Devotionals. He has three grown sons and has been happily married for over 32 years. His debut into the juvenile fiction market draws from his experience with kids as a volunteer youth leader for more than sixteen years.

Reviews

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

If What to Expect When You’re Expecting is the handbook for surviving those early parenting years, this book is the Christian parent’s guide for what comes next. What to Say and How to Say It to Your Teen doesn’t just prepare you for the storm of adolescence, it helps you walk into it with confidence, grace, and faith.

I absolutely love how the Shoemakers have structured this book. Each chapter tackles a specific, real world issue that every parent of a preteen or teen will face at some point, from peer pressure and honesty to faith, dating, and social media. The way they break down both the “what” and the “how” of tough conversations makes the content incredibly approachable. Their examples feel practical, not preachy, and the guidance is rooted in both Scripture and everyday parenting experience.

As a mom reading this before my oldest officially enters his teenage years, I’m grateful to have found it now. It has given me words for the moments I know are coming and reminded me that influence does not end when independence begins.

This is one I’ll be keeping on my shelf and gifting to friends, it’s a must read for parents who want to build connection, not conflict, in the teenage years.

Thank you to the Shoemakers and NetGalley for the early Arc!

[Erik Koster · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an absolutely wonderful book! I’ll admit, I’ve said most of the things listed in the “What Not to Say” chapter—major facepalm moment while reading that one.

The first section lays an important foundation for having meaningful conversations with your teens, while the main section serves as a practical reference for specific situations that nearly every parent of a teen or pre-teen will face (if you haven’t already!). I really appreciate the measured, empathetic tone throughout. The authors clearly know what they’re talking about—not offering random advice, but wisdom that’s deeply grounded in Biblical truth, which makes it all the more impactful.

The appendix is also excellent, with some ideas for alternative methods of conversing and some great object lessons. (If you’ve read other books by Tim Shoemaker, you know that teaching people how to use object lessons is one of his greatest strengths.)

I highly recommend this book to any parent who’s struggling to raise their kids well, who often wonders what to say or do, or who simply feels completely unequipped to be a parent-and that definitely includes me! I’m so thankful this book came along, and I’m sure I’ll be referencing it—and the accompanying Scripture—often.

[Robin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this a disappointing book for a number of reasons. First, the conversations felt overwhelmingly negative. They were centred on how to stop your teenagers from doing bad stuff, rather than on encouraging the good. Second, they felt very intense and controlling - it seemed to be less about conversations and more about getting your teenagers to agree with you. There were very few suggestions for actually listening to your teenager. Third, the conversations felt clunky and awkward, with some really crass and naff suggestions for activities to encourage conversations. Fourth, this book could never answer all the questions, but they tried, rather than giving basic principles. Fifth, the chapters are very long (40 pages in some cases), which means I'm unlikely to want to give this to a parent to read.
That said, the structures of each chapter are promising and there are some good answers. I just would not want to hand this to one of my parents. Pity as it could have been a really useful resource.