UPDATE : FULL REVIEW : 4.25 ⭐️ ∞ 💀 ∞ 🌶️ Thank you to the author and NetGalley for providing me with this ARC (= Agonizing Ruthless Calamity)…
Lindsay Straube who hurt you? And why did I have to be the one to get hurt in return? And MOST IMPORTANTLY, PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE A PLAN TO FIX THIS? 😭
I didn’t finish this book... It also didn’t finish me...
No... it OBLITERATED me.
Unwell doesn’t even begin to touch the surface of my current state.
I don't think I've ever been this speechless, empty, traumatized.
I guess I should have heeded Lindsay's repeated warnings 🥲
Also if y'all thought the first book was smutty and unhinged, you're in for rude awakening 🤣
This story is a fountain of laughter.
A tournament of lust,
And an Ouroboros of pain.
IYKYK
Now onto the actual review :
On the surface, the Split or Swallow series seems like straight up monster smut, which means it really is not for everyone.
For those of us who do like the genre, this is definitely WAAAAAY up there in the category, so even then, some might not enjoy it.
Now for those of us who do in fact enjoy this, I've come across two sides : people who see this as a good and bizarre smutty time, and people who are also able to see beyond that aspect of it.
I fall into that second category, so I know my review might end up sounding far fetched for some people, and that's okay.
I think with some basic understanding of psychology many more people would be able to see that there's actually a deeper meaning to it.
See, as I've already mentioned, Between Two Kings is even more smutty and unhinged than Kiss of the Basilisk, and personally I think that was very much intentional.
I think the level of intense and complex emotions Lindsay was able to portray into this second book is mind blowing. Her brain is, in my humble opinion, a pure wonder. Something worth studying. But that would be weird so I'll settle on waiting for her next book, and looking at her social media content (because it's unhinged and hilarious).
I have not yet come across another author who could make me feel this depth of emotional despair in a book so mind-bogglingly erotic.
And this is what I mean by I think it was done on purpose.
I think we were drowned in a sex tsunami of truly epic proportions in a way to shock our systems to survive the final revelations.
And with how utterly destroyed I was by the end of it, I can't begin to imagine how much worse it would have been had there not been this excessive amount of smut to allow me the space to be delusional and hold onto my belief that everything would be okay.
Because you see, I for one had a very strong instincts about what would happen (I hate my brain for being right)... And yet I spent the entire book deluding myself that it wouldn't be so.
I even made up scenarios where she would abandon both Capsen and Leo for someone else, because the blow would be softer that way. I invented obvious magical solutions that made no sense whatsoever so I would not have to survive through my heart being ripped out between my ribs.
I did all this while being perfectly conscious that I was wrong, and I think I was only able to do so because I was drowning in the most unhinged obscene basilisk sex customs page after page.
Which leads me to day, I think it's a pretty good metaphor for how we, humans, will use whatever we can in order not to face the truths of our situations.
Wishful thinking, they call it.
And sure in real life I doubt many people do anything remotely as unhinged as what this book describes, but we all, at one point or another use and abuse things, people, and substances to cope with the reality that we KNOW is about to come crashing down on us and bury us under what feels like tons and tons of concrete.
On top of that, the whole aspect of Tem struggling to make a choice between Caspen and Leo is yet another great metaphor of human behaviour.
A lot of us struggle to make even the most basic choices for ourselves on a day to day basis, and will wait until something or someone makes the decision for us.
And this applies to anything and everything, not just the reality of loving two people who are not willing to share you (EVEN THOUGH THEY FUCKING SAID THEY WOULD 😡).
The mind is a complex and treacherous machine, and when emotions come into play, everything becomes a million times more difficult.
I see so many people shitting on Tem for being unable to make a choice, for being pathetic, boring, annoying, insufferable, childish, showing no character growth whatsoever, and I am TRULY baffled by the amount of vitriol.
She is barely out of teenagehood. She was thrust in a situation where she fell for two people from opposite sides of every spectrum. She had to endure so many insane things and make decisions she should never even have been asked to consider, all after basically being a pariah with little to no life experience.
The fact that y'all can't look past the whole monster smut aspect and imagine what that might look and feel like in a more realistic situation is sad. Especially when I see what you have to say about the men in these books. Maybe check your internalized misogyny at the door.
To finish it off in the most agonizing way possible, not only did the choice happen, but it was the most horrific outcome possible.
And once that was done, there was a chain of connected events that just amplified the heartbreaking nature of the situation three times over... She lost (almost) EVERYTHING.
Did it feel like Lindsay wanted us to suffer so bad we couldn't think straight for days after? Yeah.
Did it feel like overkill? 100%
Did I hate every second of it? abso-fucking-lutely.
But you know what we say in real life? "When it rains, it pours."
And I think that was a brilliantly traumatic way to illustrate it.
Anyways I could keep drawing parallels all day but my brain is tired and just thinking about this book breaks my heart all over again.
Also I might be way off here, but I really don't care. This is how I experienced it.
Positives :
- the found family aspect
- seeing more of Gabriel
- Tem making friends
- the ridiculously unhinged, entertaining & educational smut ? 🤣
- depths of emotions
- the letters
- the love & care & devotion
- APOLLO 👹🥵❤️🔥
Negatives :
- THE PAIN
- THE TRAUMA
- THE FOUNTAIN/ELIXIR (sorry I really can't get behind that one 😅)
- THAT GREEDY SOULLESS BITCH (you'll know when you read her)
- THAT EVIL EMASCULATED PIECE OF JUNK (I'm sure you already know who I mean)
- EVERYTHING AT THE END
I will say this is not a 5 star for me because I feel like the last bit at the end was rushed.
The aftermath, the letters.
I did not get enough for it to even feel remotely finished.
Especially not after being put through the grinder a million times over.
I didn't expect and "And they had a whole bunch of babies and lived happily ever after" kind of ending, but I did expect at least one "aftermath" letter, some hard conversations, and even the teeny tiniest glimpse of what her new reality would be like.
Do I wish I never read this book? Yes and no, depends which version of me you ask.
Am I forever traumatized? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Do I recommend this? If you're a sadomasochist like me and can stomach some really unhinged smut? Yeah. BUT you've been thoroughly warned, so don't come crying to me.
———
not so Happy —Between Two Kings— Release Day 🐍🔥💔
I’m still in agony limbo days later… I can’t put it into words…