Buy Yourself the Damn Flowers: The self-love guide to growing, healing and learning to put yourself first

by Tam Kaur

I know exactly what it's like to put others first, to settle for less than you deserve and to navigate relationships while trying to balance your independence and goals. But we are worth more than this.

Having embarked on my self-love journey, I found that women often lacked clarity on what self-love really means and how to achieve it and this needs to change. I've packed Buy Yourself the Damn Flowers with lessons and methods I've learnt so that no woman is left accepting what life throws at her, but rather can use every moment as a tool to craft her dream self and reality. Whether you're single, taken, heartbroken, healing or trying to level up into the best version of yourself, this book is for you.

Buy Yourself the Damn Flowers is an in-depth, comprehensive guide for all things self-love, including actionable homework, transformative tools and reassuring information that will help every woman learn
- set boundaries
- escape external validation
- build confidence
- transform pain into power
- maintain loving yourself whilst loving others, and so much more.

Every woman deserves to cultivate a lasting love for the person who matters you. It's finally time to buy yourself the damn flowers.

Tam x

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Feminism, Audiobook, Mental Health, Personal Development

252 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 15, 2024

Reviews

[Bhavya Pandit · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tam is a charming youtuber adding a lot of value to her followers through her videos. That said, videos and books are distinct platforms and in the written format, the essence doesn't shine through. A lot of this is generic, coffeeshop therapy talk: have boundaries, don't be a people-pleaser, discover your authentic self etc. Well-meant, but equally generic.

Tam is a great talker. However, the writing needs to catch up, and I'm hopeful it will whenever she releases her next. Best wishes to an inspiring young lady!

[Autumn]

Love Tam, but hate that she titled this a blatant rip-off of Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies by Tara Schuster.

[Luce · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like I need this book on speed dial ✨

It’s the pep talk you didn’t know you needed. It’s like listening to an extra long voice note of love and advice from your closest friend. I am this books target audience and it completely hit its mark.

If you’re looking for a book on self love, inner confidence and prioritising yourself, then this is for you.

[Pushti Shah · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tam is great with her videos and motivational speeches. But this book was not a good idea and here are the reasons why

1. I've been following tam for a year now and this book is nothing but a compilation of her videos and repeated each point in an exaggerated manner.

2. I've read quite a few self help books and no book has made me as sleepy as this book did. I appreciate Tam sharing her experiences and learnings with the world but this book did not hit the point

3. The writing style was not of a book but more of a script for a video. The sentences were too long.

So yea, I love Tam's videos and podcast, but this book did not live up to that.

[Антония Сарафова · Rating 3 out of 5]

Започнах да гледам Там Каур точно, когато каналът и в YouTube избухна. Изгледала съм почти всичките ѝ видеа, включително по-ранните, така че не научих нищо ново от тази книга. Това не значи, че е лоша в никакъв случай. Всъщност, както винаги, съветите на Там са 10/10! Тя е една от създателките на съдържание, които са ме измъквали от дълбоки дупки по време на много неприятни моменти в живота ми.

Явно съм се дипломирала от „Там академията”, затова ми беше малко скучна. Но! Ако търсите книга, която да разбие представата ви за любов към себе си, силно препоръчвам тази.

[Leo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unapologetic 5 stars. I love Tam's content, but I was scared that with this book I won't hear anything new, that she would just repeat everything she was saying before on her channel. While the general idea of this book is indeed the same as what she does elsewhere, the inside nicely surprised me. No matter if you know Tam or if you're a long time fan, I'd highly recommend reading it! So much new information, advice, examples from real life and just- Just read it, if you like self-love books💜

[Myrcella · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’d give this book 4 stars if it wasn’t for the poor editing. I admire Tam and I watch her content regularly — I think she’s got all the practical answers. She knows what she’s talking about and I agreed with everything she said. This book really, really helped me so much and her content as well. It does bring out different, new information than her content which is something amazing too, I figured she would repeat herself but she didn’t. She has a lot of knowledge to share and I love that for her. My only issue with the book was the writing — which can be understandable as this is a debut, but fair enough I think she did an excellent job, she already explains herself very well, but she desperately needed somebody to shorten her sentences, clear up small mistakes, specially word repetition and paragraph-sentence length. I had to read some sentences a couple times to really understand what she wanted to say. This is the editor’s responsibility, in my opinion.

Overall, would recommend without a doubt to any woman who needs it. It’s got all the answers and all the actions. Perfect book to actually start your journey.

[Eris Varga · Rating 2 out of 5]

This popped up on Spotify and I clicked at random. Never seen Tam Kaur on YT but I started thinking 'this feels like a YouTube script' before looking her up to see she was a YTer lol.

Great for target audience (young people microdosing therapy) but mostly a lot of vague coffee shop advice. It was frustrating coz some insights were a lot more thorough but Kaur didn't have the language for the things she was describing (e.g. amatonormitivity, parentification, etc.) and stuff like taking a year of solo dating/self love was and how to stop self-sabotaging really good advice. It was funny to see even her fans pointing out the title (and content) is similar to 'buy yourself the fucking lillies', like it's the lite version. There was also weird choices that would have benefited from an editor; it was long and rambling and unstructured. Kaur's brand is 'for the girlies' but then she goes on to use neutral language all the way through (until she didn't, like she kept remembering who her target audience was and to keep it heterocentric too). She'd also explain concepts like shadow work in depth but refer to people as 'low vibration' and 'low value' (which... hmmm) without explaining where that idea comes from or what it means/looks like.

Overall though I think it would be super helpful for those learning about self love and acceptance for the first time, and at the end of the day I'm not the audience for this book so don't take my rating seriously.

[Mary Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like her youtube channel, this book is a comforting and uplifting read, filled with reminders about self-love and personal growth. While the ideas aren’t necessarily new, the book serves as a gentle guide to prioritizing yourself and embracing positivity. I rated it 3 stars, as it serves as a good refresher on self-improvement but doesn’t introduce much new material.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my favorite YouTuber! Her book was eye-opening and a great guide on self-love.

[Lissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not to be dramatic but listening to this book has changed my life

(Wouldn’t usually track an audiobook but needed to spread the love 🤩)

[beanwithasoul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ein absolutes Must Read - für alle die sich mehr Selbstliebe, Akzeptanz, Geduld und Verständnis schenken möchten. Ein Buch voller wichtiger Anekdoten, tough love, einem Mix aus diversen Kapiteln mit dazugehörigen Hausaufgaben, die einen auf der Reise zu der besten Version seiner selbst begleiten. Ich hab es absolut geliebt und würde das Buch auch meinen Freundinnen schenken. Großartig! 🩷

[Jihed Ibrir · Rating 3 out of 5]

love it

[eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I AM A SINGLE QUEEN

[Aliyah Bryant]

I am truly just not a self help book girlie 🥴 boringggggg where’s the faeries or the MURDER

[Marlen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating ~3.5
Self-love and growth are big for me, and I got a lot of valuable insight from Tam. I like the message of this book, and the chapter summaries and homework add structure to the writing. At the same time, I feel like some of it is repetitive and is not necessary to read after you've watched her videos

P.S. I have to mention that the limited edition book is super pretty ♡

[Kiera · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️ - my audio book of choice recently on my morning walks! Love Tam and the messages she shares x

[Gianna Lian · Rating 3 out of 5]

rtc… but overall rating: 3/5⭐️s. highly recommend this audiobook for some nice self-love reminders that we all forget sometimes!

[Mahi Aggarwal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tam Kaur’s "Buy Yourself the Damn Flowers" is a powerful manifesto on self-love and empowerment. From the very title, it’s clear that this book is going to be bold and unapologetic, and it delivers exactly that.
Authors takes the reader through a journey of reclaiming personal power, healing from past wounds, and learning to prioritize oneself in a world that often teaches us to put others first. What I love most about this book is its directness—author doesn’t shy away from telling you the hard truths about self-care and personal growth. The pink cover with bold typography adds to the fierce, empowering energy of the book. Reading it feels like having a tough-love conversation with a best friend who wants to see you thrive. It encourages you to not wait around for validation or happiness from others but to go out and create it for yourself.

Author’s writing style is approachable, making even complex emotional topics feel digestible and actionable. This is the kind of book that gives you a much-needed push when you’re feeling stuck and reminds you that you are deserving of love, starting with your own.

[untitled no. 9-1 · Rating 1 out of 5]

A person who hasn't read more than two books that aren't about self help since their teenhood shouldn't be allowed to write a damn book, but ofc influencers are mostly about making & milking money with min efforts. I think the people who learn many things through her are better off watching her videos though.
Not a reader of sh books, but i will read buy yourself the f*cking lillies only to see if this is a rip-off as well.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

As i should

[McKenna L · Rating 4 out of 5]

Been listening to this audiobook as part of my morning routine. Even if it’s some things you do know deep down it’s great to be reminded of what boundaries you should put up, loving yourself, etc.

After reading this I’m down to go on more solo dates and treat myself because we need to love ourselves first. 🤎

[Luke Massongill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Idk I just get weird with self help books bc wdym a 23 year old is telling me how to love myself

[Becca Luxton · Rating 2 out of 5]

Focused on break ups heavily and a lot of the book felt hard to relate to

[Keerthana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was kind of worried that this book would be cheesy because of the title, but I have to say it was actually quite good. I especially loved her journal prompts and questions. They were super thought-provoking. I watch Tam’s YouTube videos so nothing was super mind-boggling or new to me, but a well-organized collection of her best advice. I would recommend this for girlies in their 20s!

[Jan46 · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5 stars. This was really good on audio. I feel empowered. There are a lot of life lessons I’ll take from this. This is one of the best audiobooks on self love and self care. This book is so important in our fast paced society. I’m finally learning to love myself again

[Wafae Maayouf · Rating 1 out of 5]

It seems to be written for insecure women, so as to help them feel more secured and loved by themselves. I don’t have that issue. The more I read the more I got bored.

[Raha Iranpanah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was wonderful. Every single sentence made me a step closer to me loving myself truthfully and completely. I went on a self-love journey from starting the book until I finished it and I will continue my journey as well. 🌷💕🦋💗✨

[Alyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

50/50 for taking things away in reading this book. Found quite a bit of the content for single people, but still found some really good things to take away:

“Don’t be afraid to do something alone. You don’t need to wait for anyone’s approval to do or be something.”

“When you see that everyone being so concerned with bringing you down is essentially them announcing their own self hatred you will stop taking everything so personally”

“The past doesn’t exist. It only holds power over you by the emotions you tie to the memories.”

“Desiring loyalty is a loss”

“Give yourself your own love language”

[Notael Elrein · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a simple book on a subject I need to drill into my head. The way the author put some of her experiences, and recontextualized it was very relatable, and helpful because I am also a very obsessive personality when it comes to romantic relationships. Like probably most people as I see most of them have settled for something.

This book puts you back to the centre of your life, and explains how it’s the only reasonable thing you could do. If you don’t show up for yourself other people also have no reason to do so. In a bad headspace where you assign a painful meaning to your painful experiences you align with more painful experiences.

I got so unbelievably happy with some of my connections, but really I should be feeling that way about myself, and what I can do for myself. It makes no sense to pour into a black hole and if I do - a vegan eco solarpunk utopia is definitely not on my radar, just saying.

This book is about completely shifting your narrative, and making all the times you failed into victories, lessons for every action you do speaks volumes on what you actually want to pursue. It also reshifts it with interactions online, and how all these people don’t view anything from your eyes so every advice comes from a very limited understanding of your life. As I was reading this book I got a lot of negative comments on my selfies, and content, but I am starting to care less, and less. The insecurities of these people are becoming very visible to me, and really who are you if you focus your time not on creating, but demolishing content that’s not even made with you in mind?

I really liked the angle of this book, and I am now thinking that the most narcissistic thing one can do is care what other people think. Every action which brings harm onto another person is not an act of self-love, and puts the power in other people’s hands. To want to harm someone you have to care about them or what they represent or have some sort of unresolved inner issue which is completely unrelated to the situation.

I love me, it is okay. I will take myself on dates, and love reading books. This gave me some solo date ideas. Another really good advice that stuck with me was managing my social media feed, I will never see all those “narcissism traits”, and “things narcissists say” posts again. Thank God. I was very sick of my feed, and I just did not want to curate it for some reason. But I will curate all my social media, I need it to at least attempt to cheer me up, I already learn, and educate myself from books.

Yay, what a great investment. Thank you for reading, and I hope you invest in yourself more too.