What You Into?

by Joshua Fox

'What you into?'
'I can host if ur looking?'
'What you into?'
'Do you like straight married men?'
'What you into?'
'Wanna meet in the bushes at the park?'

So many messages and not a single one asked how I was - or even asked my name. After a few minutes of bleak scrolling, I realised the only things I'm into are basic manners, commitment and being happily married. Which I also realised I wouldn't be finding on here. Still, that didn't stop me going off to meet the ninth stranger to slide into my inbox after finding myself getting sadder and sadder as each anonymous proposition pinged my way. I regretted going before I even left my house.

Raw, moving and savagely funny, What You Into? is Josh Fox's autobiographical account of his spiral into the Grindr world of casual sex, hook-ups and dating apps following the break-up of his marriage.

He documents this journey diary-style, chronicling the often weird, at times dark world of casual sex as he navigates his grief and anger through the consumption of men - only to discover that he too is being consumed by the process.

Fox's unflinching account of his descent into sex addiction, his struggle with depression and his search for a way back is framed within the broader background of his life. He shares his difficult upbringing in a housing estate in Manchester, and gives a self-critical commentary on his media career (and his complicated relationship with 'celebrity'), from his time as a teenage YouTube star and paparazzo through to his work in Australian radio.

What You Into? is a story of the push and pull of addiction, the power of compulsion over shame, the search for healing through destruction - set against the need for love and the desire to feel alive.

Genres: Nonfiction

305 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 29, 2024

Reviews

[Archibald Thom · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book proves a cliche: some men will do anything but go to therapy. Fox might have needed to write this, but we didn’t need to read it. It’s clear Joshua has been through traumatic experiences, much of it shared in the book. So I don’t say this to diminish him in sharing a lot of vulnerable moments, I just don’t think he needed a publishing contract to do it.

What I really object to with this book though are the unthinking generalisations about sex and hookup culture. It is largely expressed through a prism of negativity and loneliness that — despite milking salacious details — feels puritan. At times, Fox seems to despise the men he fucks for being that. His negativity around sex, his intense shame, his desire for validation, isn’t really unpacked so much as reported on. For that reason the vulnerability feels like it is being shoehorned into a well-trodden pre-packaged discourse about gay promiscuity (sex addiction! Grindr is sad! monogamous couples good!) rather than a story of self-criticism, development, growth and transformation. Josh doesn’t give himself any generosity, but he also doesn’t stop to really analyse his own behaviour beyond immediate feelings of shame, guilt and loathing. And he generalises constantly about casual sex as if his feels are par for the course for anyone.

The other feeling I can’t shake is that Fox, as a long time journalist of some dubious presses — a papparazi and most recently a producer encouraging people to laugh along with the likes of Scott Morrison and Kyle Sandilands — knows how to monetise a story. He knows that vulnerability sells, and so, in knowing that he knows that, as a reader his self-exploitation — a trait he identifies as a habit — is inescapable.

[Josh · Rating 1 out of 5]

While some aspects of this book were fun, raw and sad. The others seemed just a little far fetched and unbelievable. I found myself questioning why some “diary entries” were included and the relevance to the authors life.

I struggled to believe the authenticity of some of the stories being told. I think the book had potential but unfortunately it’s missed the mark.

This “memoir” was lacklustre and boring, it’s a book that didn’t need to be made and potentially was either only made because of his connections within the entertainment industry or the fact that he’s a glorified wannabe influencer.

[Nikolai · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know, Goodreads already done this book dirty and for good reasons but I cannot not express how bad it is.
What I must say - it is so important for gay community to share such stories (about hookup culture, self-harm, healing and finding your authenticity and self-worth/self-love). It’s just this book doesn’t provide us anything deeper that stupid facts.
You cannot hide under the format of a diary entry and pretend like that’s how it should be. If you write a book, then write a goddamn book, not your shopping list. 300 pages of events with no self-reflection. Maximum what we can get is one sentence saying things like “I guess it is bad”. No shit, Sherlock.
Don’t waste your time, don’t read that book.

[Timothy Stone · Rating 2 out of 5]

Generously speaking, What You Into? by Joshua Fox is an unsettling novel that examines the intersection of desire, power, and emotional detachment within London and Sydney’s queer scenes. More cynically, it’s a cheap imposter of Dancer from the Dance by Andrew Holleran, that fails to capture anything that made that book fascinating and instead writes a list of crass sexual encounters, void of any social or emotional reasons that lead him to them.

Following the breakdown of his marriage, the protagonist plunges into a world of hookups and fetish-driven encounters, using sex drugs and alcohol as both an escape and a means of self-punishment.

Fox’s immersive retelling of his messy life is as compelling as trash tv, and the novel’s shallow broad strokes overshadows any potential for depth. In the end I found myself relating more to the ex husband, who “dodged a bullet” by leaving him, and I wish I’d left before finishing too.

Fox crafted a poorly written, deeply uncomfortable self portrait of a man who is both self-loathing and narcissistic, craving validation while pushing others away. While the novel captures disquieting aspects of modern queer relationships, its characters feel more like thematic constructs than fully realized individuals, making any emotional investment difficult. More than that the encounters feel more like a sexual tally, like notches on his bedpost (he literally keeps a tally on his phone. 122 in his first year single).

I give this a generous two stars for being a horribly written book that seems to never have had an editor look at it, because it may be relatable to someone that wasn’t me.

For anyone looking for a fantastic queer biography, I strongly recommend A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi

[Dylon Pavlovic · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book overall was like 2.5 stars.
My emotional attachment, annoyance, and physical reactions to Josh’s nonsense 4 stars.

I have never vented about a boy so much in my life. I so happy to be moving on from my two day relationship with Joshua Fox. Love-Hated every moment of it.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe I can see the reasoning for some of the lower-rated reviews, but I also think that this one is not meant for everyone. I mean, not everyone will “get” it. But the ones that do get it, will get it as if they’re looking directly in a mirror, or speaking with a friend who tells them the truth, even when it hurts.

[Bayden Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly detailed diary entries turned into a journey that involves celebrities, a relationship with Grindr, lessons, some quirky stories and a roadmap for many guys in 2025. A+.

[Daniel Cerezo · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book I enjoyed but lacked something. Reflecting upon it, I think the diary format was a mistake. It makes the story too repetitive and without a global perspective. It also makes the writing maybe rawer, but also not elegant enough.
I did empathise with Josh at some points, and made me think of my own moments of having sex with strangers. It's somewhat a relief to feel that you're not the only one to have lived some weird self-questioning experiences. But I have a feeling that I didn't get to know him, just a version of himself that he wanted to put on paper. Overall, a bit disappointed

[Juan Duarte · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have no idea who Joshua fox is, and tbh I dragged this book for a while because I didn’t really care about his relationship with celebrities, his career path, neither did I care about the 200+ guys he slept with during the course of 2 years, of course there were bits that I could sympathize with, sorry I’m not a monster. When he talked about sex addiction, and having random sex in order to just feel desired and wanted, the dopamine rush… I think it was something that a lot of people in the gay community would benefit from reading about, me included. It just made me realize that there are other avenues when it comes to feeling alone, bored etc and how there are ways to navigate that by taking care of yourself, being around friends and family and enjoying your own company and hobbies.

[jp arsenault · Rating 5 out of 5]

yo this one cut deeper than expected.

[Am · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super interesting on so many levels and topics. That was a great read and I want to mention the most surprising to me in this book was reading about Ian Watkins.

[Neisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely not my usual kind of read but was such an eye opener. A look into a world many of us never enter while also touching on so many relatable topics such as trying to find your place in the world, manage relationships and work whilst keeping your mental health in check. Josh was raw, honest and humble in his delivery of this book.

[Hadron Haizlip Beers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook

A gay birdbox roleplay

I really enjoyed this book. The diary style was so personal and I think he was super realistic with his communication. Furthermore, it’s education on a topic that doesn’t get NEARLY ENOUGH DISCUSSION. I want it to go far. I want Josh to feel seen

[Sam]

When I looked up Joshua Fox one of the first things I found was a recent video of him saying he hooked up with 84 people in 2024 which just leads me to believe that the entire message of this book is based on nothing but a first step towards getting better. I think the concept of this book is extremely relevant and a lot of people that this book is kind of about need to hear it, but the message would be a lot more effective in Joshua Fox himself was a reliable narrator but unfortunately he isn't and this book is written far too early in the recovery journey for it to be either convincing or helpful. People will not change unless they want to and in a book about change, I wish it was more evident that Joshua Fox had. On the contrary however, the parts about being in the paparazzi were actually really interesting and the shame that he feels about being a part of that predatory landscape was really convincing and a sort of unheard voice in literature. If he wrote a whole book about that experience I'd probably keenly read it tbh

[tamati laurence · Rating 4 out of 5]

White gay men are the worst, and Joshua Fox is no exception. This book is so self-indulged and his actions throughout completely lack any empathy for those around him - constantly neglecting friends, lying to family members, and even mentally categorising people as below him. What makes this book so good, however, is his awareness of these traits. He is acutely sensitive to every single poor deed he commits, and pages will be spent lingering on the consequences of these actions, the effect they have on his mental wellbeing, and the way that that cycle pushes him to continue his bad actions in a downward spiral. This autobiography is an awakening, it does not shy away from anything and explores the deeply gripping nature of self destruction when one knows no better. Joshua Fox offers himself, naked, raw, and vulnerable, in a way many people would never even consider being able to. An unflinching portrait of a post-divorce life in the gay world, in Sydney, no less, Josh's struggles with mental wellbeing, alcoholism, sex addiction, sexual assault, and navigating tricky social relationships when everything is falling down around you is at the forefront of this book. An entirely authentic story told from a space of hurt, a space of damage, and ultimately, a space of healing. What You Into? is a must-read; captivating from start to finish, Joshua Fox has granted credibility and validity to experiences most queer people suffer with in silence.

[Marko Mravunac · Rating 2 out of 5]

found out about this book on Instagram after randomly stumbling upon the author's reel (are they called reels?), which i loved for many reasons. that being said, i disliked this book profusely. as another reviewer said, some men will do anything but go to therapy. i am sure the author had to write this - many of the things he went through suck so badly - but i am also even surer no one had to read this. half of this book felt fake and made up, half was just irrelevant (MAFS, celebrity scandals, "journalist" career and its "progress" ??), all of it was superficial. the premise sounded interesting, however, the execution was lacking. i see some other people identifying with this book and the experiences described. to those i say, i'm sorry that's your life. i feel this just perpetuates gay stereotypes in all ways imaginable.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be compulsory reading for every gay man these days. This diary covers the good, the bad and the often very sad side of hookup culture, dating apps, shame, loneliness and how that all affects our mental health with brutal honesty.

I’ve never resonated with a book so much in my life

[Adélaïde Fouache · Rating 2 out of 5]

That will teach me to buy a book from a reel on Instagram that made me slightly laugh.
Never again.
Too much details of so little importance in his development as a young gay divorced brit living in Australia. It could have been turned into something actually interesting. Welp.

[Jarrod Murrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

What can I say - this book surprised me.

What I thought would be an entertaining romp through Sydney’s gay scene (pun intended), turned out to be something much deeper (yes, pun also intended).

Beginning this diary as a way to process his husband leaving him, Joshua Fox takes the reader on a roller coaster of high highs and low lows. Moments of recollection from his time as a paparazzi in London, insights into the media world - and the times he regrets things he did for the job.

As a way to get over his husband leaving, Joshua falls into a routine of casual sex, seeking comfort and company from a never ending supply of men - not realising the damage this causes until years later. This is intertwined with insights into his struggles with mental health, with parts of his life that may have contributed to his actions in later life.

I found the format of diary entries made this hard to put down, and due to his time writing for media outlets, this was written to be incredibly engaging and like a train wreck it was hard to look away.

I understand that this book could be unpopular for some, and could be seen to fall into some unfair stereotypes of the gay scene, and can come across as “woe is me,” but I feel that this is the point for some of it. It’s a way for Josh to vent about the shit parts of his life, but also to work through it. To show that there is a way through these moments. And that life will never be perfect, but it is worth living

[King Cabrera · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not going to lie, I grabbed this book thinking there were going to be some salacious stories of hookups from the curious world of Grindr. And although there were some steamy hookups, I was surprised to find the humanity of Josh in all of his recounted stories, more interesting than the details of the sexcapades.

Josh talks about his split with his husband Wade and the aftermath of the loneliness and grief that came after. Through his almost daily journal entries, he details his life in Sydney working in radio, his time in the UK working for Now and how he navigates all the things that happened in his life before and after his move to Australia.

It felt very real, very raw and almost invasive, to a certain point; I felt like I was reading someone's personal thoughts when I wasn't supposed to be, because of how intimate the details were.

In the end, I can't be too sure if Josh had it all figured out, but he seemed to doing ok at the end of it. I even reached out via Insta to wish him well and that I enjoyed the read - and to my surprise, he wrote back to say thanks.

I believe he's working on a second one, a follow up to this, which I hope will include some of the adventures he's been on this year: mainly recreating his own MAFS experience with a man he had never met before.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most relatable book I've ever read. I identified completely with Josh's struggles, self loathing, seeking love through sex, substance abuse, sexual violence, profound loneliness and constant battle with his inner demons. The quibbles I had with where the book was going were put to rest. This is not a story of triumph or redemption. It's an acceptance that we are flawed and life will always be challenging, but if we treat ourselves better and, subsequently, those we care about, a quality of life - an ebb and flow - is achievable. I find self help books dauntingly ambitious with their promises. This is not a self help book, nor are promises made, yet it has helped me in ways those books never have. I see myself in these pages and in that identification I feel a small weight being lifted. Thanks Josh.

[Nell Keeping · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook as I’ve followed Josh Fox for YEARS randomly. He is extremely funny and witty- especially about the darkest and saddest events of life which is probably why I like him so much. ‘What You Into’ is a raw, vulnerable, honest, hilarious memoir about Josh’s life and battles with depression, addiction, suicidal ideation and his weird as f*k life events working in media and interacting with the famous faces of society. I don’t think this read is for everyone but if there’s one thing about this man it is that he definitely always has a story to tell 😂

[Alex P · Rating 4 out of 5]

A raw and in depth overview of the life of a social media influencer struggling through their own mental health journey. A pretty good book i say. Although its more of a memoir covering a few years it does touch back into the past revealing how childhood trauma directly can impact adult decisions and lives. Also fascinating to read about his thoughts on dating app & casual sex in a mental health manner. Would suggest a read

[Kevin Conlon · Rating 2 out of 5]

The subject of this book drew me in, but what unfolded over 300-odd pages was a litany of name-dropping, self-promotion and self-pity while the author proceeded to learn nothing about himself. The diary-entry format seemed fake and forced, leading me to believe that the diary entries were written with the book deal already in mind (further reducing the minimal sincerity behind the story)

[Cass · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed every moment of this book. Raw, honest, open and interesting. Really gave me insight into the mind of someone I’ve only known online, watched through this entire period of time and really knew nothing about.

[Jon · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you or someone significant in your life struggles with mental health, self esteem, sex addiction and similar issues this is a great read.

[Adrián · Rating 1 out of 5]

Narcissistic bvllsh1t, very poorly written. A lot of name dropping and disrespect, all done in a messy disjointed way.

Avoid

[Joshua Stapleton · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like the diary entry style of this book, but I also felt like I was reading someone’s therapy sessions.

[Parker · Rating 1 out of 5]

A hollow and fragmented diary memoir that, beneath its surface, is a haunting display of the mentality and manipulation of a covert / vulnerable narcissist.

We read as Josh, a presumably undiagnosed clinical narcissist, goes through a narcissistic collapse after his husband left him. He emerges from the collapse when he begins to use his fragility and performative introspection to attract fans for a new supply of validation, hence his publishing this book.

Josh says that he has questioned if he is a sociopath because he does not emotionally react to bad things that are unrelated to him. He seems to categorize everyone by whether or not they are worthy of him, based on their physical attractiveness and perceived status. Josh says that he doesn’t see other people as they are, but rather inserts them into a fantasy he creates in which he exaggerates the role he plays in their lives.

He expresses regret about some of the many hurtful and exploitative things he has done to others, but even this regret is Josh-focused. Josh never imagines what it’s like to be in someone else’s mind, autonomous from him. I especially wonder at the mental state of his ex, who received passive aggressive and vindictive texts from Josh post-breakup for longer than their marriage lasted.

Often when Josh writes about his most narcissistic traits, he switches to speaking in the universal. He says all of us fantasize about sexually penetrating powerful people in their places of power (CEOs in their boardrooms, rockstars on their tour buses, etc.) as part of always having been attracted to power and status. He says that everybody wants to be a star with an audience applauding everything they do. He says we all create curated personas on social media to convince others that we’re evolving and bettering ourselves in a desperate hope for validation despite never making any permanent changes.

Josh seemingly values introspection only when he can use it as content to cultivate an audience. He keeps a diary in hopes that he can publish it as this memoir. He refuses to go to therapy until he can have his sessions broadcast on the radio and social media. He attends Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings so that he can describe the meetings on the radio (the effect of this on other attendees who hear their “anonymous” meeting recapped on the radio the next day is not considered, fitting with Josh’s pattern of never thinking about anyone but himself).

At the end of the book, Josh says that he finally wants to figure out who he is. But in the epilogue he admits that his only actual changes have been to cut himself more slack and talk about himself more with others. This description indicates he hasn’t actually changed, he’s just gotten better at doing what he says everyone does: seeking validation by curating a persona to make others think that he’s evolved and bettered from his past egocentric, arrogant, and shallow self.

We, Josh’s readers and followers, are now his primary narcissistic supply of validation, with the publishing of this book and since. On social media Josh shares stories about his continuing to have sex with nameless men (84 in 2024, despite being monogamous for much of the year and concluding this memoir in late July 2024 with a declaration that he no longer shags strangers, a final reminder that Josh lies). I sense that these hookups provide both direct validation and salacious material he can use to attract a bigger audience and go viral. He wants applause. I’m sure Book 2 is coming, along with endless social media posts and vaunting podcast episodes, all to feed Josh’s insatiable addiction to external validation until he can find a new romantic partner to be his next narcissistic supply.

[Ceyrone · Rating 1 out of 5]

Meh!