Evening Rounds

Outsider #2

by Steelwhisper

A young man lies on his back, naked, his eyes closed in anticipation, one arm above his head, fingers clenched. His hair is short, dark and tousled, his lips slightly open as if he has breathed out a long sigh of contentment. There is a look of both innocence and yet trepidation on the fine-boned face. His head is tilted to welcome shy, tender kisses from his lover, a man who is leaning over him one strong arm across his chest, lips pressed to that soft virginal skin under the younger man’s jaw. The lover is also dark-haired, strong, patient.

Dear Author, I love him so much and just want to make him feel better. If he could only see how wonderful he truly is, even with his tragic past. Seeing him lying on the floor like this, emotionally broken, kills me. I just want to make it better. How can I take his pain away so we can move forward together?

This story was written as a part of the M/M Romance Group's 'Love is Always Write' event.

Genres: M M Romance, Short Stories, Contemporary, LGBT, Contemporary Romance, Romance

5 pages, ebook

First published July 24, 2012

About the author

My stories are romantic, fantastic, futuristic, queer, weird, sadistic. Most will not only contain a sexual journey, and be a love story, but also have a solid secondary plot. Please note that I write LGB fiction and dark erotic fiction rather than mainstream romance. I don't do bittersweet endings, I like HFNs instead.

What to tell you about my person? I'm gender non-performing, green-eyed with dark hair, unmarried, bisexual and kinky in just about any direction you can imagine, and some you wouldn't even think of. I've been in the BDSM lifestyle since before I was officially old enough. I have more than a working expertise regarding whips and other percussion instruments and love to spend my time outdoors gardening or with my dogs.

If you want notifications for releases, ARCs and giveaways, you can join my maillist here:

http://eepurl.com/J4Igf

And if you'd like some direct interaction and discussion, please join my group (it is for adults only):

https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...

Reviews

[Julio Genao · Rating 3 out of 5]

short—but look closer.

it's packed, really. loads of carefully selected detail and offhand narrative comments that aren't at all accidental.

intense, calculated, and thoughtful.

as a vignette it is an elegant bit of writing—even with the odd comma splice—and it thoroughly rewards closer inspection.

the intimation? the little hint of their future, at the end? delicious.

[Jyanx · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me this story was all that much more powerful for how short it was. I felt I learned almost as much about the person telling about the event that took place, as I did the boy it happened to. The writing style drew me in quickly, and made me feel for the boy. I liked how it recognized the role that everyone played, not just victim and abuser.

[Clodia Metelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a brutal, vivid glimpse into another world, that of the fabled British boarding school. Although the setting is contemporary, the scene and the values and attitudes that led to it could equally have emanated from Tom Brown's Schooldays. I can well believe however that little has changed, based on conversations I've had from those who had such a - privileged schooling.

The writing is polished and confident and as to the length, it seems to me that a short story may reasonably be short.

[Bookbee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I guess I'll be exception to the rule. ;) I thought this was beautifully written! The way it was sectioned absolutely illustrated the distance the character required in order to reveal his story. The only drawback is its brevity! To get full marks (or Stars) I'd need the full story!

[Danny Tyran · Rating 4 out of 5]

For someone like me who found pleasure to read Stalky & Co. and The Moral Reformers by Kipling when I was a young boy, this universe is familiar. I remember the pride of the youths when they were caned (six of the best) that made them keep silent. And I remember that the caning never stopped them to make mischief.

Here it's different because we suppose that the main characters are gay. If one boy took pleasure in giving the caning, the other didn't take pleasure in his beating. This is evident that Steelwhisper had already participated at least as an observer in a caning (or more that one). The description of the way the gasping boy didn't scream because he is out of breath, that's exactly what happens sometimes.

I admire the authors who are able in so few pages to give us a so vivid slice of life. That's something I'm unable to do. :(

[Kate Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is just wonderful, a strongly-written snapshot of an intense moment between a couple. We've all got a story that hurts to relive and telling someone about it can be as traumatic as it is cathartic. The way Adrian distances himself from what happened to him is authentic and I just love how understated it is - I quietly lost myself in the feel and smell of him - it doesn't need any more than that.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I was hooked from the start. Love the way this is deliberately distanced, the victim unable to open himself to his own past. The hints of hidden brutality: - pressure drawing blood – premature pain – were enough to make me tingle! I simply loved this story, mostly because there is so much unsaid and yet it is all there, hidden between the lines if you know enough to look closely. And the ending? Brilliant. Sensuous, subtle and oh so promising.

[Vivian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rather enthralling, this tease of a story. Just the tiniest of sips and then gone. More is required for a full rating, but this vignette is intriguingly charming, which begs for completion.

[Steelwhisper]

Adrian recounts part of his past. Short vignette.

[Bubbles Hunty Honest & Direct Opinions · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tags on this one make me nervous. But I love the photo and prompt

This isn't a real story.

Barely even a complete scene. And the scene that is there is short and from the past. No details or anything.

Awesome prompt but the story whatever this is doesn't even attempt to answer it.

[Liberum Latine · Rating 1 out of 5]

A (thankfully) short story that tries to be erotic but is as tasty as wet cardboard.

[Pixie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes this is short but I thought it captured that feeling you get when you tell someone of a past abuse. If you’ve suffered it then you know. It’s something you must tell, especially if you truly intend to let someone love you but it is (or for me) has always been in a similar detached manner like you read here. You do tell it factually, you do offer “just the facts”, because time has passed, the abuser holds no place in this new life. This story was good because it gave me that same feeling, the stillness along with the chest ache. I thought breaking it up was smart, you’re in the current moment, then it transitioned you to that mental detachment the person recounting the event would feel. You can’t help but go back in your mind, but then you get to the end and….your back with your loved one and all that ugliness is long past.

Very smart, very powerful, especially for so few pages.

[MzBond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not sure if I'm articulating this well, but I felt like I was standing at an exhibit staring at a painting. It was very detailed, under its own light. I was there, and not there, and it had quite an effect. I know I'll see this scene in my head many times in the future because of that feeling of detachment.

Thank you Steelwhisper. I can't wait to finish the rest of Third Watch.

[Anna Kļaviņa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Adrian is telling his lover about incident that happened in his school years.
Well written short story.

[Penumbra · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very short read, this story appeared to be about two lovers and one of them is telling the other about a violent incident that happened in his past at school.

I couldn't get into the story. One because it was too short, the other because of the way it was divided up into three sections. It's not the three sections that bothered me, it was the way the middle section was written. I couldn't 'feel' anything. It was like reading 'just the facts, madam, just the facts.' And the style of writing in the middle part was very different from the first and last, which disrupted the flow of the story.

Thanks to the writer for participating in the LiAW event though. She did write a story, while most of us are just reading and critiquing.

[Katerina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A five pages long chapter out of Third Watch.
If this was supposed to get me hooked into reading the whole story, then I have to say that this has already happened after reading the first chapter, which was added as a bonus at the end of George

So...
Mission doubly accomplished!

[Susan Cartwright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written very short section on the subject of bullying and corporal punishment while at a boarding school. This story could go anywhere, and my only complaint is, it is too short. It reminds me of Roald Dahl's childhood autobiography, "Boy."

[Victoria · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting super short story. Thank you Steelwhisper, for donating your story, time and talent.

[Syfy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now I want to know... MORE!

[Melanie~~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

If this weren't a free read written for M/M Romance Group's LIAW event, I'd probably rate this as a 2.5 read because I was so confused in reading this. It didn't seem clearly fit the tags to me. I understand that this small snapshot that is very nicely written is the second of a series and that reading the first might help to clarify things in the second; however, I think a bit more exposition of characters could make this a bit more independent of the first in the series and make for a more positive reading experience for the readers.

Because this is a free read for a group event, I prefer not to rate it below 4 stars.

[Tailtiu · Rating 1 out of 5]

short description of violence

[Danni]

This story was interesting and I would read more. I don't really feel able to rate it because it was so short, it felt like an excerpt more than anything else.

[Sandra]

Offered FREE from the M/M Romance Group, Love is Always Write event.

I think this might be part of Third Watch. If so, I'll wait and just read that as I tend to not like excerpts when I don't fully know the characters.

[Katy Beth Mckee · Rating 1 out of 5]

This just didn't feel like much of a story. I kept wondering if I had a damaged download or something because other people seemed to love it but the number of pages matched. I don't mind a stark "confession" but without a real purpose to the retelling I felt confused.

[Jack Pyke]

(Disclaimer: not rating/reviewing for ethical reasons, but will claim as a quick read for my 2013 reading challenge).

[Diane Dannenfeldt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow only 5 pages long but holy hell it was intense. I can't wait to read the first book in the series when it comes out.