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Just Love Me for Who I Am: An Open Letter to Parents of Transgender Children
Just Love Me for Who I Am
is a father’s story of his transgender
son who died of suicide. Asher Styers, a transgender man,
came out at seventeen years old and died at age twenty-one.
He was a gifted student, talented artist, and tenacious athlete,
described by a friend as “kind in a way I can’t begin to explain”
and by a coworker as “the only one who was kind to me.” The
events of Asher’s life and death align with peer-reviewed scientific
research that supports the assertion that the health and
well-being of trans youth depends greatly on the love and support
of those around them, particularly their parents.
By presenting anecdotes from Asher’s life that are consistent
with the results of over thirty years of clinical studies, this book
gives parents necessary guidance in how (and why) to consider
supporting their child; one such anecdote illustrates that familial
support added at least four years to Asher’s life. The book
also provides a balanced view for anyone who may believe their
religious or political views prevent them from supporting a transgender
child or adult. As a memoir written by a self-proclaimed
“regular guy” who happened to have a transgender son who
committed suicide, this book serves as a guide for parents who
don’t know what to make of their child telling them they’re trans,
or who fear their child may commit suicide.
son who died of suicide. Asher Styers, a transgender man,
came out at seventeen years old and died at age twenty-one.
He was a gifted student, talented artist, and tenacious athlete,
described by a friend as “kind in a way I can’t begin to explain”
and by a coworker as “the only one who was kind to me.” The
events of Asher’s life and death align with peer-reviewed scientific
research that supports the assertion that the health and
well-being of trans youth depends greatly on the love and support
of those around them, particularly their parents.
By presenting anecdotes from Asher’s life that are consistent
with the results of over thirty years of clinical studies, this book
gives parents necessary guidance in how (and why) to consider
supporting their child; one such anecdote illustrates that familial
support added at least four years to Asher’s life. The book
also provides a balanced view for anyone who may believe their
religious or political views prevent them from supporting a transgender
child or adult. As a memoir written by a self-proclaimed
“regular guy” who happened to have a transgender son who
committed suicide, this book serves as a guide for parents who
don’t know what to make of their child telling them they’re trans,
or who fear their child may commit suicide.
164 pages, Hardcover
Published February 22, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
September 19, 2026
I was crying just reading the foreword, and the tears kept coming - I got this book at Richmond PrideFest, and I’m so glad I did. As a Christian, the chapter on the role of religion was mostly not new to me but was highly impactful regardless. I loved learning about the amazing, kind person Asher was 🤍
Memorable quotes:
“Understanding a trans child is not a prerequisite to supporting them. My advice to any parent of a trans child: don’t let your lack of understanding stand in the way of doing what peer-reviewed studies have shown that on balance is in the best interest of your child.”
Referencing 1 Samuel 16:7, “If a trans person dresses in a manner that most of society views as for the opposite sex, but it truly reflects the way that person sees themselves, God does not condemn them… Like all of us, Asher knew in his soul who he was… We can’t simultaneously say that God is always right and his works are perfect, but then question God’s work when confronted with something that makes us uncomfortable.”
“[Asher’s] qualities — selflessness, kindness, empathy, generosity, compassion — could not possibly be more in concert with the word of God in the New Testament… He walked the walk like few Christians do… How can a person who consistently lived (and died) in accordance with the teachings of Jesus Christ and the word of God be deemed to be living a sinful existence? It’s impossible. I ask all Christians to view trans people based on how trans people treat others, rather than how they view themselves.”
“This is the saddest aspect of his death, that not everyone could reciprocate the good will he consistently offered others.”
“Amid all the division, we are all losing. Trans people are losing their lives, and the rest of us are losing the benefits of their presence in our lives.”
Memorable quotes:
“Understanding a trans child is not a prerequisite to supporting them. My advice to any parent of a trans child: don’t let your lack of understanding stand in the way of doing what peer-reviewed studies have shown that on balance is in the best interest of your child.”
Referencing 1 Samuel 16:7, “If a trans person dresses in a manner that most of society views as for the opposite sex, but it truly reflects the way that person sees themselves, God does not condemn them… Like all of us, Asher knew in his soul who he was… We can’t simultaneously say that God is always right and his works are perfect, but then question God’s work when confronted with something that makes us uncomfortable.”
“[Asher’s] qualities — selflessness, kindness, empathy, generosity, compassion — could not possibly be more in concert with the word of God in the New Testament… He walked the walk like few Christians do… How can a person who consistently lived (and died) in accordance with the teachings of Jesus Christ and the word of God be deemed to be living a sinful existence? It’s impossible. I ask all Christians to view trans people based on how trans people treat others, rather than how they view themselves.”
“This is the saddest aspect of his death, that not everyone could reciprocate the good will he consistently offered others.”
“Amid all the division, we are all losing. Trans people are losing their lives, and the rest of us are losing the benefits of their presence in our lives.”
October 26, 2025
Picked this book up at Upper Chesapeake Bay Pride. A powerful letter to parents of trans children, but that is understated. It should be read by family members, friends, educators, social workers, all those who support youth.
At times the book evoked deep emotions within me. This father, in coping with unimaginable loss, turns that agony into an elegy, making something positive out of the memories of their son. The case presented is really simple, but is delivered with an honesty and reasoning which is undeniable.
At times the book evoked deep emotions within me. This father, in coping with unimaginable loss, turns that agony into an elegy, making something positive out of the memories of their son. The case presented is really simple, but is delivered with an honesty and reasoning which is undeniable.
March 31, 2026
Honest, Loving, and Well-Researched
Styers does a remarkable and commendable job of balancing his vulnerability, grief, and an incredibly well researched and evenhanded explanation of how public perception about trans-ness has been skewed and manipulated by the media, lobbyists, and others. Before anyone voices any personal opinions about trans people, they ought to be required to read this book first. I feel strongly that that would change the entire conversation for the better.
Styers does a remarkable and commendable job of balancing his vulnerability, grief, and an incredibly well researched and evenhanded explanation of how public perception about trans-ness has been skewed and manipulated by the media, lobbyists, and others. Before anyone voices any personal opinions about trans people, they ought to be required to read this book first. I feel strongly that that would change the entire conversation for the better.
September 1, 2025
Personal narrative about a father’s love for his son as they both learn from each other as the son transitions to his real self. Jarring facts that should be shared with others going through this difficult time. Love your children unconditionally!
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews