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The Dive From Clausen's Pier

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" The Dive from Clausen's Pier is one of those small miracles that reinforce our faith in fiction. It does what the best novels so often do, making the largest things visible by its perfect rendering of life on the smaller scale. It is witty, tragic and touching, and beguiling from the first page." --Scott Turow

A riveting novel about loyalty and self-knowledge, and the conflict between who we want to be to others and who we must be for ourselves.

Carrie Bell has lived in Wisconsin all her life. She’s had the same best friend, the same good relationship with her mother, the same boyfriend, Mike, now her fiancé, for as long as anyone can remember. It’s with real surprise she finds that, at age twenty-three, her life has begun to feel suffocating. She longs for a change, an upheaval, for a chance to begin again.

That chance is granted to her, terribly, when Mike is injured in an accident. Now Carrie has to question everything she thought she knew about herself and the meaning of home. She must ask: How much do we owe the people we love? Is it a sign of strength or of weakness to walk away from someone in need?

The Dive from Clausen’s Pier reminds us how precarious our lives are and how quickly they can be divided into before and after, whether by random accident or by the force of our own desires. It begins with a disaster that could happen, out of the blue, in anybody’s life, and it forces us to ask how we would bear up in the face of tragedy and what we know, or think we know, about our deepest allegiances. Elegantly written and ferociously paced, emotionally nuanced and morally complex, The Dive from Clausen’s Pier marks the emergence of a prodigiously gifted new novelist.

384 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2002

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7305 people want to read

About the author

Ann Packer

9 books430 followers
In addition to her upcoming novel Some Bright Nowhere, Ann Packer is the author of three bestselling novels: The Children’s Crusade, Songs Without Words, and The Dive from Clausen’s Pier, which received the Kate Chopin Literary Award among many other prizes and honors. Her short fiction has been published in two collections — Mendocino and Other Stories and Swim Back to Me — and includes stories that appeared in The New Yorker and in the O. Henry Prize Stories anthologies. Ann’s work has been translated into over a dozen languages and published around the world.

Ann was born in Stanford, California, and grew up near Stanford University, where her parents were professors. She attended Yale University and the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. In 1995 she returned to the Bay Area, where she raised her children and lived for many years. Now, along with her husband, the novelist and screenwriter Rafael Yglesias, she divides her time among New York, the Bay Area, and Maine.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,054 reviews
Profile Image for Kelly.
221 reviews7 followers
September 14, 2007
**SPOILERS**
This book sucks. It came highly recommended to me by a friend so I gave it a shot. The Midwest setting appealed to me; I live and grew up in Northeast Wisconsin. The appeal ends there. Sure, I felt bad that the boyfriend became paralyzed. I could only imagine what a position that would put the girlfriend in, how one would become wracked with guilt for wanting to move on and make a better life for herself. To me, her moving to NYC was justifiable and not cold in the least. She had wanted to end the relationship before the accident, it's not like she dumped him over the fact he became paralyzed. I read this quite awhile ago and don't remember much about it other than the fact that I WANTED TO STRANGLE this girl at the end of the book. What a disappointment for her to return to Wisconsin. Boo hiss. I don't think I've hated a character more in all my years of reading. And they made a movie out of this garbage? Probably appeals to any woman who has stayed in a loveless relationship out of guilt, as if that's a gift to the other. Do the guy a favor and move on so he can find someone who LOVES him, not pities him.
10 reviews
August 23, 2007
This book sucks. It had potential - the plot centers around the question of what we owe those we love. The main character is a girl engaged to a man who becomes a paraplegic just after their relationship goes sour. Potential for a good read, right? The problem is that this becomes a novel about a girl trying to become a fashion designer in NY and the paraplegic boyfriend is left in the dust after all of 90 pages. Then it's all about fashion, and BAD fashion at that. The author lost me when she described this up-and-coming young woman as finding a man's silver earring sexy (which would never happen), and then described her slowly unbuttoning her love interest's "thick denim shirt." Eww! This is a novel about NY fashion that was clearly written by an author who knows nothing about the topic. The characters are shallow, obvious, and undeveloped. I can't bring myself to waste any more time on it, so at page 300, I quit. Screw you, Ann Packer.
Profile Image for Katherine Rothschild.
Author 1 book46 followers
August 6, 2008
Finishing Ann Packer's The Dive From Clausen's Pier is at once an immense relief and an immense loss. The character Kilroy talks about "hard" art (Picasso) and "soft" art (Matisse) and certainly Packer's is the former. The entire book is one long exercise in feeling and memory, in love and in loss.
Packer such a wonderful writer, she actually makes you feel what Carrie, her main character, feels, even after the book has been closed. Of course, that's what the best of books do. Any yet, somehow it feels more difficult to experience this kind of book as a thirty-something. A young woman, in her twenties or even teens, could love this book and let it leave her with a sense of adventure--with the anticipation of life. That's what I imagine I might have felt reading this a decade ago. But now, I'm left with a sense of regret. Is it Carrie's, or is it mine? How amazing an artist is Packer that I have to ask. And, that I still don't know. Nothing can shake the sense that I've experienced greatness, and lost it.
Profile Image for Catherine.
27 reviews10 followers
July 13, 2007
UG! I can't put into words my utter disappointment with the main character Carrie. I actually wanted her to come to life so I could bitch slap her. I don't want to divulge too much for I might ruin the ending for those who want to read it (please don't). The story had merit, the writing was good, but the ending was utterly incomprehensible to me. I actually felt trapped as if the main character were making life decisions for me. I felt doomed to a life without personal growth. rrrgg.
Profile Image for Robert Blumenthal.
944 reviews91 followers
December 14, 2018
This is one of those books that really shouldn't be that involving but really is--at least it was for me. Having read her latest effort (The Children's Crusade), I have come to realize that Ann Packer is someone who can create characters that become very, very present and real. I found myself totally involved in what Carrie, the narrator of this novel, was going to do with her life.

Carrie is engaged to be married to Mike, the archetypal all-American Midwestern man. They went to the University of Wisconsin together, fell in love and got engaged. He works at a bank, she at a library. She is experiencing some doubts as to whether he is the man for her when he takes a dive off a pier and breaks his neck, becoming paralyzed from the waist down. Carrie feels guilty for wanting to leave him, then realizes that it is only pity that is keeping her around. She decides to go to New York and try to make it there (as they say, if you can make it there you can make it anywhere).

In New York, she becomes much more sophisticated and open to new experiences, reconnecting with Kilroy, a man she met in Madison who is as different from her fiance as can be. She also becomes inspired by fashion and tries to develop her ability at fashion design. She loves New York, but is very affected by the loss of her life in Madison, especially around the rift that develops between her and her BFF Jamie. She finally pays a visit back to Madison, and...well you'll have to read the novel to find out what happens.

Interestingly enough, I have read reviews that hate this book because she left Madison in the first place, and those that hate it because she came back. I do have to admit that my favorite parts were when she was in New York--it appears that the author may have made the parts of the novel set in Madison to be more bland to reflect the areas involved.

This novel is very rich in character and the depiction of everyday things. It really is a very lovely book, and I was rarely bored as I was reading it, on the level of an Anne Tyler sort of experience.
Profile Image for Connie  G.
2,143 reviews708 followers
June 24, 2024
Every Memorial Day a group of friends spent the afternoon at Clausen's Reservoir. The water level was not as high as in previous years. The friends were talking and laughing together . . . and then Mike dove.

Carrie and Mike were engaged, but things had not seemed quite right between them lately. Now, Mike had been in a debilitating diving accident. Should Carrie stay or walk away? Should she give herself some space to find out what she wants in life? She had to find a path forward, and she heads to New York City while she thinks through her choices.

There is a lot of food for thought about love, friendship, family, and careers in this novel. I also enjoyed the contrast between the two locations in the book--Madison, Wisconsin and New York City--and the people who resided there.
Profile Image for Amanda.
43 reviews1 follower
July 25, 2007
Way back in the day, I used to read these terrible teen dramas by Lurlene McDaniel. Someone in the book either had cancer, was dying, or was just killed and I sobbed from the beginning of the book to the end. So I stopped reading those books.

The Dive From Clausen's Pier was a grown-up Lurlene McDaniel' novelette. Well written? Yes. Engaging characters? Yes. An enjoyable read? Not quite. I could decide if I sympathized with the main character or hated her. The pivotal event happens so early in the book (i.e. page 5 or so) that I had no connection to the characters before I saw them "change" due to grave circumstances. One character is purposefully enigmatic, but as hard as it is for the heroine to get to know Kilroy, it is even harder for the reader to connect - or care.

Somehow, I liked this book. It is smoothly written and it was nice to see the heroine take on New York City with wide, naive Midwestern eyes. But while I sympathized with Carrie Bell for the situations she found herself in, it did not seem like her actions were legitimate reactions to the events of her life.
12 reviews2 followers
November 29, 2011
I don't think that I would have stumbled upon this book had my friend not recommended it to me. It is a rich and utterly human story of loss, coming of age and self-discovery. Carrie, the protagonist, is a 23-year old girl who hasn't yet been allowed to spread her wings. When she is considering making a life change, destiny makes it for her. Her boyfriend (now fiance) of 8 years takes a plunge from Clausen's Pier, breaks his neck and becomes a quadriplegic. He cannot move his hands, has no sexual sensitivity and is going through his own sort of depression. She must now struggle between what society says that she must do and her own fears and doubts.

I think that the themes explored in this book are applicable to any living human being. Though we may not have to face this exact scenario, we all have to make difficult decisions in life even when some of those decisions seem to have been already made for us. I was, however, unsatisfied with Carrie's eventual development as a person. I feel that she never fully understood herself as an individual and only understood how she was in relation to a romantic interest. I kept assuming that this would eventually happen, but perhaps it does. We can't expect a full resolution in such a short time span since all of us are always searching for better self-awareness.
Profile Image for Kate.
175 reviews20 followers
January 1, 2008
Carrie Bell feels the pull of a new life awaiting her outside her Wisconsin hometown. Her relationship with her fiance Mike is boring her, and she wants to see the world and learn who she is. She goes out with Mike on Memorial Day, and he dives headfirst into a shallow lake and is immediately paralyzed. Can Carrie stay? No. But with pressure from all sides, her mother, Mike's parents, their friends in Madison, Carrie feels terrible about deciding to leave and not return home. Still, she moves to NYC with an old acquaitance from high school with whom she strikes up a new relationship and while there, she meets Kilroy, a man from whom she cannot turn away. But unexpectedly, despite her happiness in NY and a new career looming, she finds herself being pulled back to Madison. The book leaves you in genuine suspense as to whether Carrie will abandon Mike for a new life or will she turn her back on her own needs and settle down to do the "right thing". And who is it the "right thing" for?

This was one of those books that I looked at and thought, "I really should read that" and didn't read it because I thought that way. I hate books that I should read. I hate the pressure of the world's expectations weighing on me as I read a book that it seems everyone else in the world likes. Now, in general, there's a reason why everyone tends to like those books, and it's that they're genuinely good books. This book was no exception. And usually I have a HUGE quibble with people who write about NYC. (see below) But even in this book, the usual pretentiousness of a writer writing about NY disappeared into one great story. I couldn't put the book down. It was great. I was genuinely conflicted as to what Carrie should do. And I was pleased, overall, with the way it came out in the end. I wish I could write as well.
Profile Image for La Crosse County Library.
573 reviews202 followers
April 27, 2022
Review originally published August 2003

The Dive From Clausen’s Pier is a first novel by Ann Packer. Set in Madison, Wisconsin and New York City, the novel tells the story of Carrie Bell, a twenty-three-year-old whose fiancé, Mike, is injured in a diving accident off a local pier.

On Memorial Day weekend, Carrie and Mike make the traditional journey to picnic with friends. Carrie’s feelings toward Mike are causing her to consider breaking off their relationship. They have been dating for eight years, Carrie has the same best friend from grade school, and her life is predictable down to the smallest detail. 

Carrie has been having second thoughts for some time, and is waiting for the right time to talk with Mike about her feelings. Mike senses something is wrong but when asked about it, Carrie brushes him off and he runs to the pier to do his annual first dive of the season. He fails to notice that the water level is down, making his dive dangerous. Hitting his head on the bottom, he injures his spinal column and is left in a coma.

Mike is taken by ambulance to a Madison hospital. What follows is Carrie’s soul searching to decide what she should do. Mike’s family and best friend know something is wrong and they make it clear that Carrie should put her feelings aside and worry only about Mike and being there for him. Mike’s recovery is slow but he does regain consciousness. His love for Carrie and his need for her make her decision hard, but she does leave him, her family, her best friend, and the only town she has ever known. 

Without telling anyone what she is doing, she heads to New York City to sort through her choices. Even that far away, though, she still has to face up to what she wants and what she can live with.

The book tells the story of one person who, when faced with a difficult decision, chooses to leave. Even if, as a reader, one does not agree with her choice, the book does a good job of making the case for how hard some choices are. Readers familiar with Madison will identify with the numerous landmarks mentioned in the book.

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10 reviews
April 2, 2009
While this isn't classic literature, I was touched by the book.

Carrie Bell is a 23 year old woman who is questioning whether Mike, her high school boyfriend turned fiancee, is really the man and the life she wants to commit to. Her decision becomes more complicated and conflict laden after Mike is paralyzed in a diving accident. Would she loyally proceed with the plan to eventually marry Mike and become his cook, nurse, helper, chauffeur, attendant and somehow his wife? Or would she be the kind of person who would willingly walk away and break the heart of a nice guy?

We learn about ourselves in stages: facts first, meanings later. And so it was for Carrie. She made her decision, and wondered afterwards what that decision said about her and what kind of person she was. How much do we owe someone we love? Is it a strength or a weakness to walk away from someone in need? Carrie's choice ultimately wasn't about right or wrong or about defining herself; her task was to define her choice, and to recognize and accept who she was.

I am the wife of a man who became disabled in an accident. Ann Packer is dead on in her portrayal of the painful questions, trials, and decisions that face an individual and family when a random, tragic accident forever changes life into before and after. I know how in an instant life can change forever; it forces you to personally face how you bear up in the face of tragedy and to examine what you thought you knew about your deepest allegiances.
Profile Image for Michelle.
618 reviews1 follower
October 4, 2008
Meghan from my Book Lust class kept talking about how thought-provoking this book was, so when I saw it on the school library shelf, I picked up it during my lunch break. I am compelled to read on!

*later*

Wow, I finally finished this last night, and feel satisfied at the ending. I was afraid for awhile that I was going to be disappointed, but it seemed realistic to me and there was even a little surprise.

The story posed a moral quandary, described a believable relationship (actually a variety of believable friendships, parental relationships, romantic ones, etc.), and featured lovely writing. This is now one of my favorite books!
Profile Image for Feather C. .
35 reviews1 follower
February 12, 2007
I hated this book with a passion.

From the Publisher
A riveting novel about loyalty and self-knowledge, and the conflict between who we want to be to others and who we must be for ourselves.

Carrie Bell has lived in Wisconsin all her life. She’s had the same best friend, the same good relationship with her mother, the same boyfriend, Mike, now her fiancé, for as long as anyone can remember. It’s with real surprise she finds that, at age twenty-three, her life has begun to feel suffocating. She longs for a change, an upheaval, for a chance to begin again.

That chance is granted to her, terribly, when Mike is injured in an accident. Now Carrie has to question everything she thought she knew about herself and the meaning of home. She must ask: How much do we owe the people we love? Is it a sign of strength or of weakness to walk away from someone in need?

The Dive from Clausen’s Pier reminds us how precarious our lives are and how quickly they can be divided into before and after, whether by random accident or by the force of our own desires. It begins with a disaster that could happen, out of the blue, in anybody’s life, and it forces us to ask how we would bear up in the face of tragedy and what we know, or think we know, about our deepest allegiances. Elegantly written and ferociously paced, emotionally nuanced and morally complex, The Dive from Clausen’s Pier marks the emergence of a prodigiously gifted new novelist.
Profile Image for KAOS.
68 reviews2 followers
August 23, 2007
i wanted to like this. i started out liking it but by the time i was wrapped up in it, i realized how trite it was. i grew up near madison and kept trying to find connection to the characters and places. i just kept thinking "why would people like her?" and "who the fuck would be friends with these people?" - everyone was a cliche, or not very detailed. no one talks or acts like these people, especially 23-year-olds. i really like the premise of the book - your fiance is in an accident and now a parapalegic, what do you do? - but carrie, the main character, is really lame and does random things without explanation or care. and all of the sex scenes were written in a really awkward and laughingly weird way. why am i giving it three stars? i finished it, and a lot of the writing is strong, and it wasn't what i expected it to be. when i finished i read a lot of really angry - and funny - reviews on amazon. it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great.
395 reviews
December 28, 2008
A story that strikes home because the main character does not do what seems to be the right thing. She is confused, sometimes self-centered, yet struggles to keep her integrity in an overwhelming turn of events. Packer perfectly captures her alienation. This one made me think, and made me feel like I had just heard the story of someone I knew.
Profile Image for Lois Keller.
Author 2 books15 followers
March 25, 2012
I actually did not enjoy this book, and it definitely leaves a very bitter taste's in the mouth after you finish.

The premise is that our heroine (hyperbole) Carrie Bell wants out of an 8 year relationship with her nearly perfect high school sweet heart Mike. However, Mike, in an attempt to impress her, paralyzes himself for life and leaves Carrie in a difficult position. (spoiler) Running away from the situation, Carrie flees to New York City (from Madison, WI) and begins a new relationship with someone she feels a deeper emotional and intellectual connection with. After pursuing her dreams and falling in love, she gets sucked back into the blackhole of Madison and abandons everyone who loves and has helped her in New York in favor of "trying to make things right" in WI.

This was just an immensely frustrating plot line. When Carrie first moves to New York, you get excited for her - she has finally escaped her social confines, emerging from her chrysalis as a strong and beautiful butterfly ready to take on New York. You can feel the hope Ann Packer puts into the pages - Carrie seems so happy and at peace (mostly) with her life in New York. Yet, in the last 100 pages when Carrie decides to return to Madison to try to patch up a devastated friendship and tease Mike more, it is almost heart breaking. You watch this girl simply throw her life away because, for lack of better word, she is weak. She NEVER stands up for herself, and she simply lets other people guilt trip and manipulate her into conforming to her will. She ends up unhappy at the end with no best friend (even though they are speaking, they will never be able to regain what they had), no boyfriend, no money, no job, no peace of mind, and lots of regrets.

Carrie Bell epitomizes the woman I hope never to become.

This book does have its moments of clarity - Packer captures the heartbreak and overwhelming sense of insecurity of a girl released from a confining and doomed relationship. For someone just coming out of a relationship that they knew was not right, the first 2/3 of this book are empathetic and insightful and may offer comfort. However, the last 1/3 of the book is so morbidly depressing and weak that I would NOT recommend this to someone looking for hope after a long relationship.

I really wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. People who have never been in a long term relationship will find this book to be trivial and nonsensical, people in relationships will find it depressing, and people out of relationships will find it frustrating. The only reason this book received a 2 star was because Ann Packer's writing style is captivating and well done. However, she deserves a sharp reprimand for such an unrealistic and incongruous ending.
Profile Image for Ron Christiansen.
702 reviews9 followers
February 10, 2012
Rarely have I cared so much about a character: Carrie Bell is faced with the gut-wrenching decision of staying with her boyfriend, Mike, of 7 years after he has become a quadriplegic. Making matters even more complicated, in the months just before the accident she had begun to fall out of love with Mike. Carrie is emotionally paralyzed with fear of making the wrong decision: "How much do we owe the people we love?...What I had discovered was that I couldn't give up my life for Mike--that how I saw it at the time, that's the choice I thought I had to make. And because I couldn't give up everything, I also thought I couldn't give up anything." These ruminations occur as she finally decides to drive on whim to New York, chasing after a gay high school friend who has moved there to be accepted and Kilroy, a man she happens to meet at a dinner, who immediately and incisively reads her.

The inevitable romance in New York with Kilroy reminds me in style of Woody Allen's Manhattan--it's as much a love affair with city as it is with Kilroy. Yet the same person who could not stay on as the dutiful girlfriend with the paraplegic boyfriend, cannot quite restart her life in New York as a fashion designer and girlfriend of the beautiful yet indecipherable Kilroy.

Carrie returns to her small home town to, as it were, set things straight. But it's much more complicated than she expected. And the decisions Carrie makes are what make this novel "hard" art instead of "soft" art, using the distinction Kilroy uses at the MoMA between Picasso and Matisse. And, I believe, this hard edge is what has many 30 something women (unofficial conclusion based off some Goodread reviews) hating Carrie and even the novel. I was frustrated, even devastated, but I never hated her; maybe it's easier as a man to step back and see her decisions as simply the complex weaving of human responsibility, desire, and identity.
Profile Image for Carmen.
2,025 reviews2,425 followers
March 29, 2016
This was a very good book. It takes place in the Midwest and is about a woman named Carrie who is about 25 years old at the beginning. She is planning to get married to her childhood sweetheart, Mike, whom she has been with 'forever'. But her big secret is...she doesn't really want to marry him. Her feelings towards him have cooled, and she doesn't know how to tell him. He is very much in love with her. One day, when they are hanging out at the pier with their friends, Mike jumps in the lake and breaks his neck, becoming quadriplegic. The book just kept surprising me over and over again from there. The characters are very real, the setting is very real. Even though Carrie's feelings and reactions to what happens to Mike are not what people expect, and not what she wants them to be – they are honest. I loved the way the book kept me guessing, and the way in which no one was a caricature, they were all fully fleshed out, living, breathing individuals. I felt like I had known any one of these people. An excellent book – I would highly recommend it.
Profile Image for Lisa.
313 reviews7 followers
August 12, 2011
Ugh. Wish I had back the time it took out of my life to read this. The worst things about this book: 1. I simply did NOT find the actions, thoughts, and dialogue believable for a young woman of her age. 2. The NYC stuff was beyond ridiculous and not even remotely realistic.
Maybe it would have been better if she'd been the one crippled instead of her boyfriend. She has so many emotional problems including being both a control freak and a giant martyr that I just hated her.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays).
5,148 reviews3,114 followers
September 16, 2014
Excellent, multi-layered story. Woman whose hs/college sweetheart/fiance breaks his neck in a diving accident. Her discovery of herself. Didn't end as I expected it would, but very thought provoking.
Profile Image for Zeek.
920 reviews149 followers
April 8, 2010
I picked this one up at a yard sale for 50 cents and I'm glad I didn't pay more. Thoroughly depressing, I wanted to quit many times. The problem? The premise and first chapter contained a good enough hook to make me wonder how in the heck Carrie, the main character, was going to handle the situation the author threw at her.

Carrie and Mike had been dating since high school. Now, 5 or so years later, she's realized that her life in small town Wisconsin is suffocating her and is ready to make a break. One problem, on a holiday with friends, Mike takes a dive off a pier into shallow water- and ends up paralyzed.

Should our desires and needs be sacrificed out of obligation to what others think we should do? Is pity a good enough reason when the love isn't there anymore? These are the questions none of us ever hope to have to ponder- but ones Carrie does from the onset of the story.

Through most of the book, part of me was as disgusted with Carrie as her friends were when she took off into the night choosing her wants over her old love's needs. Another part of me wanted her to do it.

But that wasn't what bugged me about the book- in fact the exploration of "What Would You Do in a Similar Situation" is what kept me reading.

My annoyance was in the fact that Packer rambled on and on allowing Carrie to wallow in self-pity so much so you wanted to shake her. She drew Carrie's life in NYC out so long I wanted to throw the book against the wall, because I knew damn well Carrie had to go back and confront the mess she left behind. And even THAT would have been okay with me- if it weren't for the fact Carrie wasn't making any self discoveries while separated from the situation.

True, the author gave Carrie new relationships in NYC, but she didn't really develop them enough to make the book more interesting. Oh Carrie started dating again while there- and the man she chose had so many secrets you wanted to scream- but the author never really gave me the answers as to why to satisfy me either. (I felt like the proverbial donkey being led along by a carrot that will never be attained.)

Carrie's entire time in NYC was just needless filler as far as I'm concerned- filler that could have added so much more to the story if we had gotten inside Carrie's head instead of watching her walk around seemingly ignoring what was really going on.

Carrie eventually does go back to Wisconsin and we do read the ending which could not have ended any other way, however, after being led down so many meandering paths for so long, I didn't really care. I threw the book against the wall anyway.
Profile Image for Jessica.
27 reviews
December 21, 2008
The book was entertaining in an easy-read kind of way. I definitely wanted to know what Carrie, a 23-year-old girl from Madison, Wisconsin, was going to do when faced with a fiancee who broke his neck and became a quadriplegic. Her guilt is exacerbated by the fact that she had been gradually falling out of love with him in the months prior.

The story felt hackneyed in many parts: the "I couldn't help but wonder" moments; the vague "it wasn't that, nor did I know what it was." Carrie is an annoying character, but if everyone could read their own internal dialogue on paper, I'm sure it'd be annoying as well. Regardless, it's hard not to sympathize with her given the circumstances she's having to face. I did, however, feel vindicated whenever another character tried to get her out of her selfishness. She deserved a serious reality check.

Her New York boyfriend Kilroy pissed the shit out of me for sure. He's an elitist, self-absorbed trust-fund baby who is supposed to be heroic because he's denied the wealthy part of his life. He wears a denim shirt and I just picture a Midwesterner lost in Manhattan. He's evasive and cryptic, and I'm surprised he actually expressed such distraught over Carrie's decision to stay in Wisconsin. He begs her to return to New York, doesn't understand why she has to patch things up with her best friend -- "why not write her a long letter?" -- or her ex. Then he seems to have a change of heart:

"At this point," I said, "I don't know why I'm even still here."
"I do."
"Why?"
"Because you're you...Isn't it obvious? You can't leave because you're the person you are, and I can't want you to because that would be wanting you to be someone else when I want you to be you."

That is, until 17 pages later, the next time Kilroy is mentioned, where he goes from "somewhat unhappy state of understanding" to "a more irritable state of wanting to know why I had to resolve everything at once." So he CLEARLY wants her to be her.

This book was written in 2002 and it's hard for me to remember what technology was like back then. I'm pretty sure I was on AIM until the very late hours of the morning in 2002. These characters are 23, and had just graduated from college (U of WI) where I'm sure they were not sheltered from email. Still, they were sending telegrams, writing letters, and leaving notes. It felt so archaic.

Another thing that bothered me? Mike has a mustache.
Profile Image for Kim.
296 reviews3 followers
June 21, 2007
I'm still haunted by this story. It's about a young couple in their early 20s living in the midwest-- Wisconsin (I think). They've been dating since high school. She's about to break up with him, then he has a horrible diving accident while they're picnicing with friends. He becomes a quadraplegic. Up until this point, everyone including both of their parents have assumed they were going to be married because they've dated for so long. She wanted to break it off with him before the accident, now what should she do? He's a likeable guy and loves her. Still, she's young and needs to get on with her life. I felt so torn because I loved both of these young people. It's well-written and engrossing. She travels to NYC to process what happened, and to find herself. It's a bit suspensful because you don't know if she's going to return to him or not, or if she should.
Profile Image for Casey.
108 reviews2 followers
July 30, 2007
This book was recommended to me by a friend. She loved it. I hated it.

The plot of this book - and yes, i'll be spoiling it - is that there is this girl who hates her bf, wants to break up with him. He gets hurt showing off for her because he knows she's going to ditch him. She runs away and meets another guy. New guy is somewhat screwed up, but this is where this book divides into a love it or hate it book. She eventually succeeds, while with new guy, but then goes back to home where poor paralyzed ex-bf is. New-bf shows up, but eventually he goes home and she goes back to old-bf, in her old home town, trapped in the life she didn't want in the first place.

In other words: I hated it.
Profile Image for Kelly Corrigan.
Author 21 books1,560 followers
July 7, 2011
was recommended to me by my editor, who raved about it. so well crafted.
Profile Image for Abby.
857 reviews156 followers
June 10, 2018
2.5/5

I knew nothing about this book going in. It had been gifted to me, so I decided to give it a go. For me, books with "plotless" plots had better be written well in order to work. Unfortunately this just didn't do it for me. Basically Carrie ditches her long-term boyfriend after he becomes a quadriplegic from a dive gone wrong. Carrie then moves to New York in favor of new boyfriend Kilroy. That's it. Nothing else. And the execution was boring AF.
Profile Image for Wendy Bunnell.
1,598 reviews40 followers
April 18, 2019
I listened to the audiobook in one day (it was part of Audible's two books for one credit sale), though I'd heard of it before and just never gotten to it. It's a thoughtful and nuanced exploration of what it would be like to be about to break up with someone, and then something tragic happens and you feel like you can't. You're stuck. Their life has drastically changed, and now yours has too.
Something like your fiance breaking their neck and becoming a quadriplegic. Yup, that's some real feelings.

There were parts that I didn't like about Carrie. First, why was she still engaged to Mike even though she'd never really wanted to marry him? This is the biggest endorsement of not ever waiting if you are planning to dump someone. Freaking do it right now, as otherwise this could happen to you. Besides, living that lie is miserable, and Carrie was just wallowing in misery at the beginning. Part of her passivity problem. Just stay engaged to someone you don't intend to marry.

Just one in a series of head-scratching moves by way-too-frequently passive Carrie, who lets life drag her along. Life just happens to Carrie. She doesn't exert agency and make her own decisions.

Until.
Until she does. And she packs her bags and splits town and goes to NY, not telling ANYONE where she's going. Not her poor single mom, even though she's an only child. Not her best friend. Not her fiance, whom she might have just broken up with, but that wasn't entirely clear, as he's still in the rehab hospital and his mom is always lurking around.

Carrie DOES SOMETHING. That was amazing. She goes to New York and meets new people and takes art classes. I was all for it. She's 23 and wasn't going to marry Mike anyway. Go Carrie.
But. Did she need to be such an ASS about it? Not telling her mom. Or her friend. Or really saying goodbye and giving Mike some closure. Uuugh.

There were soooo many times in this book where Carrie just craps on everyone around her. She skips her job at the library with no notice. She doesn't return her best friend's calls. She just ignores everything and everyone and does what she wants. But not just once. Over and over, with new groups of people to hurt and disappoint.

And then, don't even get me started about the late December wedding she'd RSVP'd for and bailed via telegram. What year was this book set? 1932? No? How would one even send or receive a telegram? So odd. Also odd, some of Carrie's vocabulary and word-choice seemed off for the 23 year old recent college grad that she is. I had to check the publication date, which is 2003, as the technology references are so old (land lines!!), and that was accurate for the time. But I lived in Madison a decade before this book came out and wasn't stopping by the Western Union office to send messages via telegram or pony express.

I liked the book because it was so real and the feelings Carrie felt and invoked in everyone around her were palpable. And, it was set in Madison, where I went to school for a number of years. Bring on the cheese! The great Mendota vs. Monona Lake debate, the Union, the Farmer's Market - Bring it. I liked the Wisconsin chapters more than the New York ones, but mostly for the call of the cheese.

Definitely worth the read, but be prepared for some head-scratching choices by our not entirely likable main character and also some truly bizarre old tech references for a modern reader.
Profile Image for Sydney.
294 reviews
August 14, 2008
****This review contains SPOILERS****

This is the story of Carrie Bell, a recent college graduate who's life seems to be at a stand-still. She's got a fiance Mike, who she's been with since they were 14, a mediocre job at the University Library, a group of friends she's had since high school who are equally at a stand-still. But she begins to question her life. Just as she's about to ask, "Is this it? Is this the life I'm destined to lead?," tragedy strikes. Her fiance dives into shallow water and ends up paralyzed from the chest down.

Everything changes in an instant. But as much as she wants to be there for Mike, she finds herself looking for an escape plan. Things had been chilly between the two of them in the months before the accident, but how can she leave him now? What will people think? What will she think of herself?
Then she does the unthinkable... she leaves, getting as far away from her old life as she can.

This was an interesting read. It was definitely darker than I expected. I've read some reviews where people had no sympathy for Carrie, but I believe she's worthy of sympathy. She is in an impossible situation, where everyone wants to see her as this rock for Mike, his stability in an unstable situation. But that's a lot to ask someone at any age, let alone at age 23, when you were already contemplating life without your fiance and an accident leaves him paralyzed.

The author did a great job of showing how tormented Carrie was by her actions, her decisions, and their consequences.

I was disappointed by the ending of the book, because although Carrie did grow, she ended up right back where she started. I think it would have been a much more interesting story if Carrie had resolved things with Mike, with her best friend, and her mother and then headed back to NYC to make a new life for herself. That's my only beef with the book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Bee.
17 reviews
Read
March 5, 2015
This book surprised me. I initially wrote it off, expecting that it would fall into the Lifetime movie category of contemporary fiction. Ironically, a Google search did inform me that it has had a second life as an honest-to-goodness Lifetime movie (or maybe it was Oxygen; I wasn't paying that close of attention).

For emotion-centric, literary fiction, it was jarringly suspenseful. I almost wanted to hide it under my desk at work, on my lap, to finish it. I felt desperate to figure out how Carrie's story ends, and I felt an unexpected urgency about whether the "right" thing would happen in her life--although I can't exactly figure out what the right thing is, what I want her life to be like.

There were things I didn't really like in it, or that frustated me, but I don't really feel like focusing on that. The characterization could seem contrived in terms of traits and actions, but in terms of emotional realism and resonance--it was masterful. Criticisms aside, this was an incredibly poignant and surprisingly rich work, a moving story of loss and self discovery. This might be a case of the right book with the right emotional tone at the right time. A cathartic read.
Profile Image for Ashy Khaira.
515 reviews52 followers
April 4, 2018
the book starts off with carrie describing a little of herself and how mike,her sweetheart of 8 years and fiance of 1,sees her or rather describes her.she talks of how their relationship has come to a point where she feels she is wrong for their relationship,no longer falling in love with him or in love with him and how her aloofness and her reluctance to truly stop mike,or inform anyone of the lower water levels at the pier lead to mike breaking snapping his spine,and neck but he survived as a quadreplegic after undergoing operations to try to gain back most of his movements.carrie leaves their hometown in a moment of weakness after she and mike breaks off and moves to new york to be with kilroy,a guy she met at her friends victor's dinner party before realizing towards the end that she truly loves mike and moves back to her hometown to be with him
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