The Better Friend: 12 Truths to Shift from Shallow and One-Sided Connections to Vibrant Friendships

by Grace Valentine

Tired of one-sided friendships that leave you feeling lonely? Make the shift to life-giving connection.

“Grace Valentine teaches us how to nurture the meaningful, healthy friendships we all long for and deserve.”—Ashley Morgan Jackson, bestselling author of Tired of Trying

Friendships should build us up, not leave us scrambling to prove our worth. But in a culture obsessed with popularity, it’s easy to settle for shallow friendships that take more than they give.

The good news is that meaningful friendships with sisters you can lean on anytime are possible. In this encouraging book, author, podcast host, and speaker Grace Valentine offers twelve powerful truths to help you rethink the way you connect with others. As someone who has been through the low-lows and high-highs of friendships—saying goodbye to those that were stuck or one-sided, uprooting her whole life and starting over in finding community, and nurturing long-distance friendships—Valentine knows what it takes to make good friends and to be a good friend.

When you build better friendships with people who help you become the best version of yourself in every way, you become better, get to know God better, and experience confidence in who He made you to be. Whether you’re ready to level up your current friendships or start fresh, The Better Friend gives you the tools you need to build life-giving connections in any season.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Relationships

Audible Audio

Published March 11, 2025

Reviews

[Avery Soltys · Rating 5 out of 5]

The writing style made me feel like I was talking to a wise, God-loving friend about friendships and my own actions as a friend through a Christian lens. I’m eager for the release of this book so I can get a copy to sticky-note and share with friends. The writing style is casual, yet still prompts deep reflection. Highly recommend this book!

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s not you, it’s me.

Every book has an intended audience, and unfortunately, I wasn’t it for this one. I went in expecting more about how to BE a better friend in existing friendships, but I found that most of the book focused on finding friends and assuming that you already ARE the better friend in the equation. I understand that adult friendship can be challenging, but I found the tone of this off-putting and a bit immature. Balance was lacking and there was an emphasis on what can go wrong rather than the fruit that comes from good friendships.

To be fair, it wasn’t all bad. I appreciated the part about loyalty showing up and the importance of presence in life’s big moments. I also appreciated the parts about serving our friends and connecting those who may be looking for friends. I think that a younger audience (college-aged or just starting out independently) or those who have struggled to feel like they belong in friendships will feel “seen” in this book.

Thank you to Netgalley and WaterBrook for the advanced review copy. All opinions are my own. The Better Friend releases on March 11.

2.5 ⭐️

[Peyton Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 - a great reminder of christian friendships and how to be a good friends to others! also challenged what it looks like to be a good and intentional friend

[Brandi Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 (rounded down) || RTC

[Skyler Neal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful read. Made me really think about the actions I make and the choices it has on my friendships. Allowed me to ask deep questions and reach out to friends I haven’t spoken to in a while. Worth the read!

[Caroline Shankle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good book. Speaks on all of the topics I feel like I talk about with my girl friends all the time. A great read for women no matter what stage of life they’re in.

[Madeline · Rating 5 out of 5]

so good! just what I needed to read

[Katie Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love grace valentines author’s voice. It is down to earth and palatable. I think this book was great and honest!

[Kate Nickel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have been reading this for months, but at the perfect stage of life with graduating & moving!! Anyone in a transition period with friends should read this!!

[Kaitlyn Hull · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so easy to read, so relatable, and so applicable to my own life! I am so thankful for Grace and the way her vulnerability relates so deeply to what I am walking in. So so good 💗

[Kelli Donaldson Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely LOVED this book! Listened to the author on audio version and can’t recommend enough! So much scripture throughout-well written and to hear that she was a fellow Baylor grad was awesome!

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

Reading Grace’s books is always like a breath of fresh air, uplifting my spirit as if I were speaking to a dear friend. She has a wonderful way with words, and we could all learn much from her. I deeply enjoyed the concepts presented throughout the book. She provided thought-provoking, faith-based concepts that offered a perspective on friendship.

The lists provided after each chapter were incredibly useful because they summarized key points and provided practical advice that I could easily apply to my own life. Additionally, I appreciated the bonus questions for reflection given at the end of the chapters. I felt that they were an encouragement as I dove deeper into the material and considered how it could impact my personal growth and understanding of the world.

Thank you NetGalley for an advanced review copy. All opinions in this review are my own. This book releases on March 11th, 2025!

[Rylie York · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this new book by Grace Valentine! If you’re seeking encouragement, guidance or knowledge on how to enrich and support your friendships - this book is for you!

[Neema · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, this book spoke deeply to me and my struggles with building healthy friendships and navigating the confusing dynamics that often surround them. Reading it helped me realize that my sensitive yet loving heart doesn’t need to be hidden or hardened—it simply needs protection, wisdom, and discernment about who I let close.

Since I’m in a new environment and beginning a new chapter of life, I didn’t want to repeat the same patterns that once left me hurt. Grace Valentine’s words reminded me that I’m not the only one who struggles in friendships, and that sometimes I need to unlearn unhealthy patterns—even acknowledging that I can be part of the problem.

I first picked up this book during a painful friendship breakup, hoping to find a Godly perspective on how to move forward. Grace’s use of scripture throughout was exactly what I needed. She emphasizes that it’s wiser to quietly step away from friendships or groups that aren’t meant for you rather than gossip about them. Verses like Matthew 10:14 and Mark 6:11 reminded me that not everyone will welcome you, and that it’s okay to walk away without bitterness. She also highlights the importance of guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23), since gossip and negativity can destroy what God meant for good.

The way Grace closed the book with practical advice on avoiding gossip was the perfect ending. More than anything, Better Friends encouraged me to keep praying that God wouldn’t change my loving heart, but instead guide me toward friendships that are healthy and life-giving. This book truly strengthened my faith and gave me hope for the kind of friendships I want to build.

[Sydney Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Approachable yet well researched and inspiring.

“Stop seeking to be put together, and instead seek to be together.”

Friends of goodness don’t need you to have a perfect home and perfect life. They need you to show up as you are, to love and let them love you. Let them into your everyday life.

Love radically and don’t be afraid to look like a fool.

Comparison ruins friendships. Instead of envying what they have, be content in your own life and experience their life with them! Be there for their new and exciting things, weep for their losses.

Some talk about people, some talk about life, career, hobbies, goals, etc. who do you want to be friends with?

Service is SO important. If you take care of others you will be taken care of.

I’m inspired to be a better friend now, and even more grateful for the amazing friends that I have who have pushed me to become a better person.

These are some of my takeaways from this book regarding friendship, but that doesn’t even touch the way this book pushed me to reflect on how God acts in our everyday lives and relationships to show us His goodness and love, and the plans he has for us. While reading this book I had a feeling of looking at life through a more God-centered lens than I ever think I have. It showed me what’s possible. I love that it was centered in scripture and applying it to every day life!

[Lauren Curtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This could not have been a more timely read for me. Grace’s writing atto always makes me feel like I’m talking to a friend. I appreciate her vulnerability and honesty. I loved “the better friend challenge” at the end of each chapter. They were really deep and challenging questions. I’m so grateful I took the time to reflect and answer each one. No matter what season of friendship you’re in, we all to be reminded of these 12 truths. I especially love the last one. “leave people better” such an encouraging way to end a very convicting but “you’re not alone” read. This is definitely a book I’ll pick up again in the future.

[Mattigan Burleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grace shares many important reminders about friendship that are valuable for women and girls in any stage of life. She has connected these truths with vulnerable and relatable stories from her own life, which makes the work incredibly engaging. The structure of the book allows for good pacing of the topics, and while this was easy to read in the sense that the topics were written in clear manageable chunks, it was also challenging in the sense that I had to respond with an evaluation of how I can engage better in my own friendships. Thank you, Grace, for writing a book that every woman should read and for writing it in a way that makes it accessible and relatable for every woman.

[Kasey Tippy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what I was expecting��� I went into this hoping to get advice on how to be a better friend and how to make more friends as an adult, but this book didn’t teach me as much as I wanted. I did like how Christ-centered this “research” was and I do feel like I learned how to better involve Jesus in my friendships. However, the thing I disliked the most was this felt more like a personal journal or something. The author had a lot of great learning experiences, but it was just about her. I would’ve liked it more had she included others’ experiences as well as her own.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

While the book didn’t hold my attention as consistently as I had hoped, there were great tidbits throughout that I really resonated with and valued, especially being in the season of twenty-something’s when friendships fade and scatter. I treasure the truths I found in this book.


“You have the power to cultivate relationships that are small pictures of heaven and of God's gracious presence. This can only happen if you invite God into your friendships.”

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked it! It isn't a very step-by-step tutorial on how to make friends, but it really shows you some small steps and thoughts to keep in mind as you go about making and keeping friends. Some of the steps I have begun implementing and just changed my look on my actions. A good book to read if you've had a lot of friendship issues.

[Kaitlynn Bloomfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grace Valentine articulated what a Godly friend looks like so well. I always appreciate her vulnerability and transparency in her writing. This book both challenged and encouraged me to be a better friend, and allow others to be a friend to me when I need it. A must read for sure!

[Haley Skinner · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 ⭐️ listened to this as a audiobook! It felt like a podcast! It had great reminders about friendships and caused me to think about the kind of friend I am to others! I would recommend!! I loved that it was biblically based!

[Holly McRae · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found a lot of this very useful, I think there was just a bit more god speak than I expected. Still very logically information.

[Emma Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grace’s writing makes it feel like you are just talking with a wise friend.

[Sue Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book on a topic that is way under discussed in my opinion! So much biblical truth and good practical advice on friendship!!

[Ivy Lane Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a sweet, easy read with lots of good nuggets and reminders of what and how Christian friendship should look.

[audrey wells · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love grace valentine but I definitely was not the intended audience for this book… probably better for high school/early college! nothing wrong with it, just not for me!

[Hannah Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not typically the biggest fan of Grace Valentine but I ate up this book. Just what I needed and God was faithful in that!

[Meghan Asbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grace is a real life friend and this book will give you practical ways to build the friendships you long for!

[Veronica Marquardt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grace Valentine did an amazing job describing how to be a better friend and showing ways you can allow others to be a better friend to you. I 10/10 recommend!