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Good Guys, Bad Guys: The Hite Guide to Smart Choices
Examines the hidden emotional patterns of relationships, and discusses sexuality, fighting, ending a difficult relationship, and staying single by choice
282 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 1991
10 people want to read
About the author
Shere Hite
51 books84 followersShere Hite (born November 2, 1942, Saint Joseph, Missouri) is an American-born German[1] sex educator and feminist. Her sexological work has focused primarily on female sexuality. Hite builds upon biological studies of sex by Masters and Johnson and by Alfred Kinsey. She also references theoretical, political and psychological works associated with the feminist movement of the 1970s, such as Anne Koedt's The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm. After attacks on herself and her work, she renounced her United States citizenship in 1995 to become German.
Hite graduated from Seabreeze High School in Daytona Beach, Florida. She received a masters degree in history from the University of Florida in 1967. She then moved to New York City and enrolled at Columbia University to work toward her Ph.D. in social history. Hite attributes the non-completion of this degree to the conservative nature of Columbia at that time. She later completed a Ph.D. at Nihon University (Tokyo, Japan) and another Ph.D. in clinical sexology at Maimonides University, North Miami Beach, Florida.
Shere Hite has focused on understanding how individuals regard sexual experience and the meaning it holds for them. Hite has criticised Masters and Johnson's work for uncritically incorporating cultural attitudes on sexual behaviour into their research. For example, Hite's work showed that 70% of women do not have orgasms through in-out, thrusting intercourse but are able to achieve orgasm easily by masturbation or other direct clitoral stimulation. Only 30% of the women in her study reported ever experiencing orgasm during thrusting intercourse. She has criticised Masters and Johnson's argument that enough clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm should be provided by thrusting during intercourse, and the inference that the failure of this is a sign of female "sexual dysfunction." Whilst not denying that both Kinsey and Masters and Johnson have been a crucial step in sex research, she believes that we must understand the cultural and personal construction of sexual experience to make the research relevant to sexual behaviour outside the laboratory. She offered the criticism that limiting test subjects to "normal" women who report orgasming during coitus was basing research on the faulty assumption that having an orgasm during coitus was typical, something that her own research strongly refuted.
Hite graduated from Seabreeze High School in Daytona Beach, Florida. She received a masters degree in history from the University of Florida in 1967. She then moved to New York City and enrolled at Columbia University to work toward her Ph.D. in social history. Hite attributes the non-completion of this degree to the conservative nature of Columbia at that time. She later completed a Ph.D. at Nihon University (Tokyo, Japan) and another Ph.D. in clinical sexology at Maimonides University, North Miami Beach, Florida.
Shere Hite has focused on understanding how individuals regard sexual experience and the meaning it holds for them. Hite has criticised Masters and Johnson's work for uncritically incorporating cultural attitudes on sexual behaviour into their research. For example, Hite's work showed that 70% of women do not have orgasms through in-out, thrusting intercourse but are able to achieve orgasm easily by masturbation or other direct clitoral stimulation. Only 30% of the women in her study reported ever experiencing orgasm during thrusting intercourse. She has criticised Masters and Johnson's argument that enough clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm should be provided by thrusting during intercourse, and the inference that the failure of this is a sign of female "sexual dysfunction." Whilst not denying that both Kinsey and Masters and Johnson have been a crucial step in sex research, she believes that we must understand the cultural and personal construction of sexual experience to make the research relevant to sexual behaviour outside the laboratory. She offered the criticism that limiting test subjects to "normal" women who report orgasming during coitus was basing research on the faulty assumption that having an orgasm during coitus was typical, something that her own research strongly refuted.
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
March 7, 2017
Good Guys, Bad Guys. the Hite Guide to Smart Choices. Shere Hite and Kate Colleran
Emotional withholding - keep s other s at a distance, to maintain contrail without being aggressive; relationships seems unsettled
Forms: why won’t he talk to me?
Is he really listening?
Remarks meet with silence
A denial to the other person of real emotional expression, refusing to share himself on a deeper level
Man may offer just enough or love erratically – just enough to keep woman involved Guessing game of not knowing – not enough to make relationship flourish
Double message – giving love and taking it back/mixed signals
• Women who love men who behave this way legitimately feel insecure, the reality is that their position is unclear
• At first men display desirous behavior, woman responds; man acts ambivalent, woman tries to figure it out; he denies problem; she starts to question her perceptions
•
Assumption of Emotional contract
• Men are the “stars” – men as head
• Men define reality – men have right to criticize w’s opinions and actions
• Women as co-stars – men act if their needs are more important than w’s
Emotional Battering
• Criticism similar to double messages
• Built into language
• Shrug off words but have doubts when loved one says them, and then trying to turn to m for reassurance good chance of being put down for asking
• Veiled criticism - being attacked indirectly, being put down, having feelings/thoughts ignored or dismissed
• Sabotage – m forgets things that matter or trivialize them
Emotional Housework
• If m insists on withholding feelings, puts burden on w to “try to understand” and open up communication then w are too demanding and always wanting to talk!
• M get this attention so they don’t have to ask
Emotional Violence (E.V.)
• Living in an emotionally aggressive atmosphere – built in stereotypes
• Large scale social problem
Emotional withholding - keep s other s at a distance, to maintain contrail without being aggressive; relationships seems unsettled
Forms: why won’t he talk to me?
Is he really listening?
Remarks meet with silence
A denial to the other person of real emotional expression, refusing to share himself on a deeper level
Man may offer just enough or love erratically – just enough to keep woman involved Guessing game of not knowing – not enough to make relationship flourish
Double message – giving love and taking it back/mixed signals
• Women who love men who behave this way legitimately feel insecure, the reality is that their position is unclear
• At first men display desirous behavior, woman responds; man acts ambivalent, woman tries to figure it out; he denies problem; she starts to question her perceptions
•
Assumption of Emotional contract
• Men are the “stars” – men as head
• Men define reality – men have right to criticize w’s opinions and actions
• Women as co-stars – men act if their needs are more important than w’s
Emotional Battering
• Criticism similar to double messages
• Built into language
• Shrug off words but have doubts when loved one says them, and then trying to turn to m for reassurance good chance of being put down for asking
• Veiled criticism - being attacked indirectly, being put down, having feelings/thoughts ignored or dismissed
• Sabotage – m forgets things that matter or trivialize them
Emotional Housework
• If m insists on withholding feelings, puts burden on w to “try to understand” and open up communication then w are too demanding and always wanting to talk!
• M get this attention so they don’t have to ask
Emotional Violence (E.V.)
• Living in an emotionally aggressive atmosphere – built in stereotypes
• Large scale social problem
Displaying 1 of 1 review