A Better Share: How Couples Can Tackle the Mental Load for More Fun, Less Resentment, and Great Sex

by Morgan Cutlip

Read by the author.

Transform your marriage and enjoy your spouse again when you share the mental load and end the cycle of stress and resentment.

Relationship expert Dr. Morgan Cutlip helps couples view the mental load--the endless and mostly invisible work of managing a household and family--as a shared enemy to conquer versus a problem they have with each other, offering practical solutions for navigating the most common pain points couples struggle with.

Usually a few years after “I do”—once the reality of family life hits—many couples find themselves at each other's throats because they don't know how to navigate the mental and emotional work of managing a household together. They worry that they'll always be fighting about who should do the dishes or pick up the balloons for the party, but don't know how to begin talking about their frustrations without pointing fingers.

In A Better Share, Dr. Morgan Cutlip offers you practical advice that goes beyond getting your spouse to pick up the slack and focuses on the unique perspectives and experiences of each partner, enabling both of you to feel seen and heard. She helps you leave behind resentment and anxiety and begin

Understand why the mental load primarily falls on women and how it impacts sexual desireShare perspectives, expectations, ownership, and accountabilityUse actionable plans for divvying up tasks and teaching the next generation how to share the mental load

Through research and stories based on real couples, A Better Share guides you out of the endless stress and resentment cycle and into a relationship where sharing is caring, having fun together is a priority, and great sex isn't a thing of the past.

Graphics and resources can be found in the audiobook companion PDF download.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Audiobook, Personal Development

Audible Audio

Published April 8, 2025

About the author

I'm so glad you're here. It's hard to know where to start so I'll start with what matters most to me and that's my relationships.

I'm a mother to two kids, Effie (10) and Roy (7). They are hilarious, spirited, spicy, deeply thoughtful and emotional kids. I adore them and being their mother. They've challenged me in the most surprising and wonderful ways. I'm married to my high school sweetheart, Chad. I always feel like I lose a little street cred when I say that so, for the record, we didn't date that entire time and eventually reconnected years after college on MySpace (yup, now I've aged myself). He's the love of my life, an incredible man that loves others deeply, works so very hard, and continues to be open to growth and change.

I’ve worked in the field of relationship education for over 15 years alongside my father, Dr. John Van Epp, who is the founder of Love Thinks and developer of multiple relationship education courses that have been taught to over a million people worldwide. I started traveling to conferences with him when I was in junior high and so, in many ways, it feels like I’ve grown up in the relationship education field. He’s amazing and brilliant and I’m blessed to have learned so much from him over the years we worked together and just cherish our relationship.

I distinctly remember a conversation with my dad over 20 years ago where I said that someday I wanted to support women, but I just wasn’t sure how.

Fast forward 10 years and Effie (our oldest) was born and, holy moly, did motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks and I completely lost myself in motherhood (you can read the full story in my book 🙂 I knew that one day when I came out of the fog of early motherhood I wanted to do something to help moms navigate it better.

I had a lot of skill and practice translating psychological theory, research, and concepts into tangible and practical advice so I got to work creating accessible content to help moms navigate their relationship with their kids, partners, and themselves differently.

Through my career, I created the My Love Thinks blog, the @DrMorganCutlip instagram, the Love Thinks Podcast, and The Mother Load course along with other courses, workshops, and targeted eGuides and authored the book Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself: 5 Steps to Banish Guilt & Beat Burnout When You Already Have Too Much to Do. These tools have been accessed by hundreds of thousands of women worldwide.

Reviews

[Rachel Oates]

I was reading this as research for a video on weaponised incompetence but instead all I realised is that this author seems pretty miserable, her husband seems wilfully incompetent at times, and I feel bad for their dog who she wrote about completely forgetting about caring for for a whole day. She spends a lot of time making excuses for men being incompetent and places a lot of the responsibility on women for having to 'nicely' help them through this, it was overall just very frustrating to read and I'm shocked it has so many positive reviews. I will not be recommending it in my video.

[Meredith Gardner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the best book on the mental load I have read so far. It gives practical tips and offers ways to reframe some common struggles and complaints around the mental load. I could echo a lot of the problems she discussed. I would recommend this book to people who feel resentful about their partner not carrying an adequate share of the household tasks. It’s written with the viewpoints of both partners in mind and promotes teamwork. I do think the “better sex” aspect is a little gimmicky, but overall I appreciated this book and will be sharing it with my husband.

[Olivia Finlayson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good book I’m gonna purchase it and re-read it with a highlighter!

This was a worth-wild read for so many reasons! It talks about the mental load but also everything that the mental load impacts.

It breaks it down with digestible information and usable props. I didn’t feel like I was reading a typical self help book.

This book took me longer to read because I wanted to really comprehend all the information provided so I took it in over a couple of days rather than in one session.

This book hit the nail on the head with multiple cycles of arguments I have been in with my partner and about how to get out of those cycles.

She notes numerous times, this is not an overnight fix and there will be growing pains. Which I think is an important reminder.

A lot of times i read a self help book and just assume it will all be fixed in a jiffy now that i have the tools but i often times forget to factor in the growing pains.

Great read and excited to see she has at least one other book published, that is also now on my tbr list!

[Nicole Brockwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic. She described my life. When she described the “mental load” that most women feel, I felt so seen! Definitely recommend this book. I haven’t turned my copy in yet because I earmarked some chapters to listen to again with my husband.

Listened on Libby. S*x is discussed because it’s a part of marriage. No swearing.

The author used the word “partner” a ridiculous amount of times. I guess she was trying to be trendy so not pigeon hole her book to only the married couples, but it was annoying, sometimes confusing, and ridiculously repetitive. Husband, wife, spouse are all great choices as well. At one point I stopped and asked ChatGPT to tell me how many times she said it but it didn’t know. If someone finds a count- please let me know!

[Maddie Reincke · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this pertains more to the trenches of having multiple/older children BUT it was amazing info nonetheless and sparked a lot of great conversations about how to get ahead of certain stereotypical relational issues when kids/managing a full house is front and center.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good! Highly recommend!

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be a must-read for married couples. She does an excellent job of articulating the mental load and how to work in fixing it without making it uncomfortable or confrontational on either side. I'll definitely be implementing some of these ideas.

[Ashley Staples · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is so good. Whether married 1 year or 25 there's so much to glean.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fair Play is often promoted as the best book about the mental load - this book is way better, in my opinion. The author gives perspectives from both men and women, and it felt more applicable to my current role as a stay-at-home mom. I listened to the audio, but I may need to purchase a hard copy to revisit.

[Paola GB · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are in a good spot my husband and I but we have 2 babies under 2 and is likely that things change and go for worse if we dont communicate and adapt to novelties; especially since both of us used to work full time and now Im at home. So I really identified ourselves with different attitudes and behaviors that might lead to resentment. Just by being aware of certain facts and start changing the mindset, I can tell we have a better relationship. I definitely recommend this to all marriages, especially if you have kids. Relationships are like plants, you have to take care of them constantly; easier said than done, but this book helps you land it.
its a book to reread every few months to refresh concepts and evaluate current state.

[Chrisdee]

Another wonderful book by Morgan! This is practical and applicable. I found myself nodding along as Morgan gave helpful tips on how to express mental load to a partner. I follow her on social media and this is an excellent interpretation of her information. Such useful material.

*I received this ARC from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review*

[Kim W · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson for the Arc on this book.

I used to read A LOT of non fiction books but got away from it a while ago. One of my goals this year is to read more of them so when I saw the title of this book, I immediately requested it. I heard the term mental share when listening to a podcast about a year ago. I didn’t realize what it was but as soon as I did, well, I felt like that term spoke to me. This book was pretty much my life lately. I felt like I was being seen as I read through this. There were so many times that I was shaking my head in agreement because it’s exactly how I feel, things I’ve said and reactions I’ve received from my partner. There are so many helpful things in this book that will leave you feeling like someone gets what you’re feeling and is here to help. My only gripe with the Kindle version is sometimes the text got a little out of whack which I assume is because it was in a box or set aside on the page separately. This is just a minor gripe and doesn’t detract from the book. In fact, I’m going to buy a hard copy to refer to and hopefully get my partner to read it too. A solid four star read for me.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to this book based on a recommendation from my therapist. I plan to also read Fair Play to compare and expand on.

I think I’ve probably always known what the mental load feels like, but it felt enlightening to put an actual name to the overwhelming pressure so many of us feel all the time. Diving deeper into how society has shaped us helped bring perspective to common issues and frustrations, and the book is full of practical tools (and worksheets) on how to implement change in your own life and relationship. Heavily focuses on how the mental load intensifies after entering parenthood, particularly for mothers, and rightfully so. Easy enough to “translate” into experiences that can apply to a wide array of couples though. Definitely one of those “easier said than done” scenarios and I’m not sure exactly what parts I will try to implement into my own life, but happy to have gained the knowledge!

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best content I’ve read about the mental load. The book’s best feature is its practical, specific tips for both the default caretaker and non-default caretaker to calmly discuss and share the responsibilities of a home. I appreciate Cutlip’s honest vulnerability as she provides helpful examples from her marriage to illustrate her points. The questions for self-reflection and discussion are especially useful. The appendix will presumably also be really useful in the final published version of the book; I am bummed that the Expectation Worksheets and other resources weren’t linked in the ARC, but I still learned a lot from the book! I highly recommend this book to any husband and wife with an inequitable distribution of the mental load.

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson Books for the free eARC. I post this review with my honest opinions.

[Anna Blankenship · Rating 5 out of 5]

After recently reading Dr. Cutlip's "Love your kids without losing yourself" and seeing she had a new book coming out, I had to jump on this opportunity. As a mother, what Dr. Cutlip covers in this book hits home. We talk about the mental load yes, but also our perspectives, communication, action plans to better our relationship and so much more while being realistic and practical. The amount of practical advice and strategies in here blew me away! I can see this as a guide to your relationship to use together, one you can continuously refer back to. Take notes, highlight and discuss with your partner the critical aspects of your relationship to help it grow together. Honestly, Dr. Cutlip gave us a marriage counselor in book format!

I want to give a big thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advance copy of this amazing and insightful book!

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Cutlip does an excellent job of tackling the mental load and how it can be challenging in a relationship. This book is different from many other resources because it offers suggestions for both partners and is not putting the blame on one side of the relationship. This is a great resource for both men and women to read (even better if partners read it together!) to get tips on handling the mental load. In the book, Dr. Cutlip offers great scripts and suggestions for conversation starters.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is feeling stressed by a running mental list of tasks in their daily life. I plan to purchase a paper copy to have on hand for reference as soon as it is available.
Thank you to Netgalley and Nelson Books for an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book came highly recommended, so I read it even tho this isn’t something that’s a major sore spot in my own personal marriage right now. That being said, I would highly recommend it to someone looking to have these types of conversations, and I think it could be a highly benefit to read it prior to having your first baby. There are tons of questions, prompts, and scripting examples that are helpful if you need specific guidance. It reminds me a lot of the book crucial conversations, but more geared toward a home/relationship context. This book isn't exactly that because it's not only about conversation skills, BUT conversation skills (that are super similar to the ones discussed in crucial conversations) were such a huge part of this book that the comparison is worth mentioning.

[Shelby Lau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This is one of the best marriage books I have read! I heard the author talk about this topic on the 1000 Hour Outside Podcast and immediately knew I had to read it! The mental load is a real thing that can be overwhelming, especially to sahms like me. It can be difficult to bring this up and be seen without a framework to pull from. This book gives the framework! It's so practical and provides so many ways to get healthy, healing conversations started with your spouse! A good marriage takes a lot of hard work and needs regular maintenance to stay healthy. Whether you have a good marriage or one that is falling apart, this is a great book to read together as a couple!

[Brittany Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a massive fan of Dr. Morgan’s work and her first book was life changing. This book is what every woman I know needs- an articulate and well thought out argument for better partnerships in marriage. Unlike many books on this topic (I’ve read them all given what I do professionally) this was filled with nuggets of wisdom I could share with my husband without him getting defensive. It also helped me put into words the many things I’m torn about as an ambitious woman. I may just make this my go to wedding gift! It’s so good.

[Teressa · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a while to get through this audiobook and I felt myself zoning in and out pretty regularly which typically isn't a good sign for me. I do think there were some really great recommendations but it was definitely targeted specifically at heterosexual couples with children which I do not have. I do think it puts the onus very heavily on women to fix problems and hand-hold their partner which feels like it just exacerbates the mental load rather than actually works to fix it. Overall still an interesting topic and read for me.

[Lilian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was useful in helping me see things from the other side, and learning not to treat my husband as the enemy or villain. It was also an eye opener in terms of realising how a heavy mental load impacts various aspects of our lives.

Another great idea which I liked was the idea of regular communication. If we can have scheduled meetings at work to discuss issues, why not the same at home?

[Chelsey Truty · Rating 4 out of 5]

The mental load is something I tried to explain many times but couldn’t find the words. I felt so seen reading this book! Great real world action steps & the theories behind them. Love how its partnership based & holistic
She is transparent about the book being for heterosexual couples (& there are some parts about kids.) Definitely will be sharing with friends!

[Clayton Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good, practical book. Better than expected and full of scripts/prompts/questions for managing challenging conversations around “the mental load.” I understand why this book is written with primarily a female audience in mind (ya know, society and stuff), but I appreciate that the author at least pretends that some guys might pick up this book too.

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this so, so, so, so, so, so much. It is my favorite marriage book. It is the most relatable and most helpful marriage book I have ever read. It is humorous and helpful. I’m SO glad I read it and I recommend it without reservation!!!!

[Recah Harward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book for any couples struggling to articulate the mental load! Dr. Cutlip gives practical advice to help individuals feel heard and seen inside a marriage hopefully leading to fulfillment and more intimacy.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this helpful to give grace to different personalities without excusing some of the downfalls of either. It has already led to healthy conversations in our relationship to build on what we have learned in our marriage so far.

[Renee' Chilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for couples! It will be a resource for us for sure. I loved it so much, I bought the physical book (I never do this!) so I had it handy to reference when doing marriage checkins.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent, practical guide to creating a more intimate partnership with a spouse. I think she does a great job of not demonizing men or belittling women, it would be a great resources for couples to read and evaluate together.

[Rachael · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with most self help books, I skim thru some of the personal story fluff but the basis of this book is amazing for relationships and communicating if you are someone who feels like they carry the full mental load of the family and feel overwhelmed by it all at times.

[Victoria Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Dr. Cutlip’s books! This one is a great addition to my reading roster and is such a good tool for anyone who’s been married for any length of time. Will be sharing this for future married friends for the foreseeable future!