The Sacred Search: What if It’s Not about Who You Marry, but Why?

by Gary Thomas

In the revised edition of his hit book The Sacred Search, author Gary Thomas helps single people of all ages make wise marital choices, in large part by rethinking what basis those choices should be made on.

Readers are encouraged to think beyond finding their “soul mate,” an idea that has its roots in the philosophy of Plato, and instead adopt a more biblical search for a “sole mate”— someone who will walk with them on their spiritual journey.

Thomas asks, What if we focused on why to get married more than on who to marry? What if being “in love” isn’t a good enough reason to get married? And most of all, what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

Audible Audio

Published July 21, 2021

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Ava Michelle]

The Sacred Search is one of those rare relationship books that doesn’t just tell you how to find “the one”, it challenges your entire mindset on why you’re even looking in the first place.

Gary Thomas has a gift for blending biblical wisdom, real-world insight, and soul-searching questions that will stop you in your tracks (in the best way). Instead of chasing romance for romance’s sake, he invites us into a much deeper vision: one where marriage is about mission, spiritual growth, and partnering for eternity.

This isn’t about formulas or fluff. It’s raw, refreshing truth. Whether you're single, dating, or even re-evaluating what you believe about love and marriage, this book will shift your perspective in the most meaningful way.

Highly recommend for anyone tired of the same old advice and hungry for something real, rich, and Christ-centered.

[Paulina]

Started reading this book as a recommendation for dating couples seeking to get married. Overall I found that the book encourages a lot of communication and that if through your current relationship there’s a lack of that resentment and anger can build up if things are left unspoken. Choosing to love Gods way with patience, kindness, forgiveness, compassion and love will help you through it if both you and your partner are willing to put in that effort.

[Madison Francis]

I found this book to be insightful. The emphasis on finding a suitable partner is especially important. However, as someone who loves love, I can definitely say this book can take the dreaming out of it altogether. I believe there can be a happy balance, and that God writes beautiful love stories that are unique to each person. While this book does have a lot of great information, I do think it can be discouraging if you also hold my perspective on romantic love.

[♡mj]

such a good read! so many points ive never considered. told like 5 people to read it lol. the list of types of common marriages was funny and eye opening. the “like phase” doesnt last long but the rest of your life does! make a wise decision! oh and its a decision not “the one soul mate”. we got free will

[Payton Meeks]

Amazing book on Christian Dating. If you’re single or engaged this book explains how we should go about Christian dating. Focusing on the why you want to get married rather than whom. Very convicting Book.

[Madison Lippert]

A really wonderful book for getting perspective on motivations for entering into a kingdom-building marriage. I would highly recommend it!

[Rachel Ward]

Best relationship/dating book I have ever received. I appreciated the questions at the end of every chapter.

[Maddie Roberts]

Really good points to think about. I enjoyed the wisdom and scripture references!

[Jackson Eichmann]

Great book, made me think about a ton. Talked about divorce a little too lightly but overall great stuff