How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion

by Yung Pueblo

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER The beloved author of Lighter offers a blueprint for deepening your compassion, kindness, and gratitude so you can truly grow in harmony with another person and build stronger connections in all your relationships.

“A beautiful offering from the heart, to the heart.”—Elizabeth Gilbert

“Yung Pueblo holds a mirror to the relationships we have and offers clear directions to the relationships we desire.”—Simon Sinek

“ How to Love Better is destined to change your life.”—Lena Waithe

“Everyone enters relationships with imperfections and negative patterns that block the flow of love, but when you embrace growth, the new harmony within you will flow into your relationship.”

Love enters our lives in many friends, family, intimate partners. But all of these relationships are deeply influenced by the love we have for ourselves. If we see our relationships as opportunities to be fully present in our healing and growth, then, Yung Pueblo assures us, we can transform and meet one another with compassion instead of judgment.

In How to Love Better, Yung Pueblo examines all aspects of relationships, from the rose-colored early days when you may be hesitant to show your full self, to the challenges that can arise without clear communication, to dealing with heartbreak and healing as you close a chapter of your life. The power of looking inward remains at the core of Yung Pueblo’s teachings. Ego and attachment can become barriers in a relationship, so the more self-aware you become, the more you can support both your partner and yourself.

How to Love Better

How to build harmony in a relationship

How to see each other’s perspective

How to find the right partner

How to heal from heartbreak

How to overcome attachment

How to form commitments

How to argue

Yung Pueblo’s insights on embracing change, building a foundation of honesty, and learning to listen selflessly will resonate regardless of where you are in your healing journey. And his unique combination of poetry, personal experience, and thoughtful advice will help you grow and strengthen all of your relationships.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Audiobook, Love, Personal Development

Audible Audio

Published March 11, 2025

About the author

Diego Perez is a meditator, writer, and speaker who is widely known on Instagram and various social media networks through his pen name Yung Pueblo. The name yung pueblo means “young people.” it serves to remind him of his Ecuadorian roots, his experiences in activism, and that the collective of humanity is in the midst of important growth. his favorite word, liberation, took on a deeper meaning once he started meditating vipassana. through writing and speaking, he aims to support the healing of the individual, realizing that when we release our personal burdens, we contribute to a global peace.



Contact: diego@yungpueblo.com

Instagram: @yung_pueblo

Reviews

[Tia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book become available to me at the perfect time. I recently ended a 2 year relationship with someone I truly loved. It had all the ingredients that felt like were opportunities to make us strong and have a healthy relationship. Sadly, attachment styles/issues broke us. What once looked like love, started looking like who could win what argument. It become a relationship where respect wasn't given as often. I started to feel unsafe when I shared how I felt because I never knew where it would take things. I no longer felt like I was being seen, heard or valued. The trust in the end was just gone. While ending the relationship was indeed the right thing to do, I also ache at times. I am grieving a love I truly wanted while also grieving all that I allowed in between. Thankfully I learned so much in this relationship and will continue to use those lessons to grow, lean in, love myself fully, and turn towards healthy. This book gave me more insight and left me energized to be the best version of myself I can be. I sometimes forget that heartbreak has it's own mind and that while I'm on the floor crying, I can still get back up. I am still worthy of love and belonging. I matter.
I have a long ways to go but novels like this one help remind me I'm not as disconnected as I think. It also does more for my heart and mind than I can explain. I will love and be loved again. It might work out, it might not. No matter what...I will be learning and growing. Always.

**Two of some of my favorite quotes... and there are many:
"Find a partner who makes your nervous system relax so deeply that you feel safe to share your raw truth and be your most genuine self."

"The biggest green flag is when someone who wants to be with you also understands that they need to put energy into learning how to love you well. They know that love is not automatic, instead it comes from deep listening and doing their best to meet your preferences in a way that feels genuine."

**edit because I couldn’t help but want to add this quote after seeing it posted on FB by the author. This book even a month later is still doing so much for my soul.

“If you are wondering who your people are, they are the ones who make your heart feel seen and your nervous system calm.”

[Angela · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok so there are tons of “shoulds” here. But it’s just a long list of what we should be which is kinder and I get that but no practical tips on HOW to accomplish this. Other than take multiple ten day meditation retreats but who can actually do that?!?! I have it 2 stars because it helped me fall asleep at night.

[Laura (thenerdygnomelife) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book to read slowly and contemplatively. After listening to it as an audiobook, I felt inspired to get a print copy so that I can read it more intentionally. Yung Pueblo provides a wealth of advice on building deeper connections in loving romantically and with family, friends, and even your surrounding community — and each piece of advice is best when given room to soak in on its own. 4.5 stars rounded up.

[Chrissann Nickel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve followed the author on Instagram for years and have always enjoyed his snippets of wisdom. This new book has been promoted on many of the podcasts I follow, so I picked it up.

It’s essentially an extension of his teachings that are grounded in the Buddhism principles of mindfulness, non-attachment, loving kindness, compassion, and self-knowledge/self-awareness.

In a nutshell, this book is about how cultivating self love and focusing on your personal growth can help you be an unselfish, empathic partner to another. There is nothing groundbreaking in here-it’s likely all stuff you’ve heard before in one form or another-but it was a positive book to take in and good life principles to be reminded of.

[sara m · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe this book would’ve benefitted me in the past, but this book very much so reflects on the usual stuff everyone knows. Basically- love yourself to love better is a huge message everyone always says. Go to therapy. Move your body. Meditate. This is good advice. All of this is not wrong at all. The only thing is, this isn’t ground breaking information. If you’re truly struggling practicing love, then I’d say you should give this a read more so as a reminder of the guidelines you should already know.

[liv ❁ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book falls into the category of “Audiobooks that Don’t Necessarily Give Me Any New Insights but that I Need to be Regularly Listening to in an Active Effort to Continually Live Fully and Love Softly,” which is one of my favorite genres because those audiobooks always bring me a certain amount of peace while listening.

Great audiobook read by the author with some excellent points and an hour long conversation between him and his wife that I found lovely. Warning: You may develop an urge to go on a Vipassana Meditation Retreat even though your 9-5 would not allow that.

[Michelle Stanley · Rating 1 out of 5]

Were there some snippets of wisdom shared? Yes. However the small amount of wisdom could have been delivered in a much shorter, more concise manner. This book was far too long, way too repetitive, and probably would have done fine as an article. The structure of the book was odd - I don’t get the “poems” randomly thrown in - and the writing was….not good.

[B.E. Rel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though this book is nonfiction, I really enjoyed reading it. It dives deep into meaningful topics and feels very real and accurate. The way it connects self-awareness, self-love, and love for others really made me think. I agreed with a lot of the author’s points, and it gave me a new perspective on personal growth and relationships.

[Sanne brekelmans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended book if you want to learn all about relationships (partner or friends). It’s easy written and learns how to love better by focusing on kindness, growth and compassion. How to deal with arguments, how to deal with your own reflections to your relationships and how to let go of attachment (in a good way) as it is the opposite of freedom.

‘Love me well or leave me alone’ - that’s the energy we want

[Maja Maria · Rating 1 out of 5]

A word salad

"When he tries to say something ‘philosophical,’ but we had that thought when we were 11."

Oh boy. I'm genuinely surprised by how many positive comments this book has received. Getting through it was a daunting task… much like with Pueblo's previous work, Lighter. I picked it up because I used to love his poetry when I was younger, but this one left me really disappointed.

I’m not sure whether he *had to* write this book or genuinely wanted to, but it reads more like a scattered collection of thoughts you'd jot down in your notes app than a cohesive, well-researched work. The repetition is exhausting. It mostly circles around surface-level reflections like “love is a journey,” or constant references to meditation (which apparently helped him and his wife… cool, but do we need to hear about it in every chapter?).
I actually enjoy the self-help and psychology genres, so this should’ve been a hit for me. The problem is that there's no real substance. There’s no research, no statistics, no meaningful quotes to back up his ideas. Maybe I’ve just read better books on love, but this one falls short, by a lot.

[Electra · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was fine. Nothing ground-breaking. It could have been a lot shorter.

[Emily Clay]

ended up skimming a lot of this book — pretty repetitive but great overall message + takeaways!

[Ieva · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very basic information, and there are much better books on love and relationships out there. However, I did enjoy the two chapters on Arguing and the Foundations of a Good Relationship.

[Nat :) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yung Pueblo never misses with his words, but How to Love Better hit especially deep. This book felt like a quiet mirror reminding me of the work, the growth, the unlearning, and the self-compassion that true love requires.

Every page made me pause and reflect. Every insight felt like it was written directly for me. Whether it was about boundaries, communication, or learning to love without control or fear, it all resonated on a cellular level. A soft, gentle reminder that love begins with presence—and it starts within.

This is the kind of book I’ll keep returning to, especially when I need a reset or some grounding in the kind of love I want to give and receive.

[Abby Mayer · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book just was not my cup of tea. Very repetitive and focused a lot on meditation, which maybe I just am doing it totally wrong, but I can’t get myself to enjoy. I’m not really quite sure what I was hoping to get out of this book though, but I just struggled to relate to the author.

[Sarah Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emotional intelligence should be taught in school

[Sydney Trebus · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a MUST read for everyone in a relationship. And honestly those not in one, those previously in one, and those wanting to be in one at some point during their life. This book is written in a clear and direct way, leaving no room for its potent and True messages to be missed or misinterpreted. This book provides many truths to carry with you in relationship and to carry with you in life. It encourages inner healing, self-growth, loving kindness, compassionate understanding, and simply Love. Our world needs more of all of this and so do our heart and minds.

Diego Perez is a writer unafraid of sifting through the poor messaging of our cultures to find the gems that we should truly carry with us as human beings who are gifted with the act of loving and being loved. Read this if you want to hear Truth, if you are invested in self-growth and healing, if you love people in your life and want to learn to love them better, or just want to read a beautiful book with many messages to add to your ocean of wisdom.

[Blade Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure what this book was going to contain but it was a great read and another way to look into things we all know but have questions about. Reading certain topics brought a unique way to look at what “love” can be in regard to self-love, friendships and partnerships.

[Vmndetta ᛑᛗᛛ · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5, rounded up bcs of the cover. a self-help book i read just out of curiosity, with no real reason, really (i don't even have a partner lol). some parts felt repetitive, but i didn't really mind that. i enjoyed reading this book.

[Olivia Bury · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book for my office so my clients could read it..ended up realizing that I needed it more!! How lucky we are that we get to love people :’)

[LeeTravelGoddess · Rating 5 out of 5]

BAY-BEHH, JUST DIP THE WHOLE BOOK IN HIGHLIGHTER!!!

Definitely purchased a copy for my library cause I took mad mental notes that I can’t wait to actually highlight in my copy AND physically answer the reflection questions at the end of each chapter!!! It’s just that good… I’ve found ways to love on my family/chosen peeps better even!!! I love it and am super giddy about expanding my heart and love in 2025.

LOVE #4/12: it’s a tops and I will surely read it again this year!!! 💚✨💚✨💚✨

[The Bookish Elf · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diego Perez, writing under the pen name Yung Pueblo, has established himself as one of the most influential voices in contemporary self-development literature. Following the success of his Inward Trilogy—Inward, Clarity & Connection, and Lighter—Perez ventures into perhaps his most intimate territory yet with How to Love Better. This latest offering demonstrates a natural evolution from his previous works on personal healing, now applying those hard-won insights to the complex dynamics of romantic relationships.

Where his earlier books focused primarily on individual transformation through meditation and self-awareness, How to Love Better bridges the gap between personal growth and relational harmony. The timing feels particularly relevant as we witness what Perez calls "the healing generation"—millions of people worldwide actively working to break cycles of trauma and dysfunction in their personal lives and relationships.

Beyond Connection: The Architecture of Lasting Love

The book's central thesis challenges a fundamental misconception about romantic relationships: that strong chemistry and emotional connection are sufficient foundations for lasting love. Perez argues convincingly that while these elements may bring two people together, they cannot sustain a relationship through the inevitable challenges that arise when two imperfect humans attempt to build a life together.

Through thirteen thoughtfully structured chapters, Perez dismantles romantic mythology piece by piece. He reveals how the "happily ever after" narrative has left many of us unprepared for the real work that love requires. His approach is refreshingly honest about the difficulties inherent in partnership while maintaining an optimistic vision of what becomes possible when both individuals commit to growth.

The author's personal story with his wife Sara provides the book's emotional backbone. Their relationship serves as a case study in transformation—from two young people who "fought often and fought bitterly" to partners who have learned to navigate conflict with compassion and skill. This vulnerability lends authenticity to Perez's teachings and demonstrates that the principles he advocates have been tested in the crucible of real-life experience.

The Inner Work as Foundation

Perhaps the most valuable aspect of How to Love Better is its emphasis on individual healing as the prerequisite for healthy relationships. Perez dedicates significant attention to what he terms "the relationship between you and yourself," arguing that our capacity to love others is directly proportional to our ability to love ourselves well.

The author's background in Vipassana meditation deeply influences his approach to emotional regulation and self-awareness. He describes how meditation transformed both his inner landscape and his relationship dynamic, providing practical tools for managing reactivity and developing what he calls "non-reactiveness"—the ability to observe difficult emotions without being controlled by them.

This emphasis on inner work distinguishes the book from relationship advice that focuses solely on communication techniques or behavioral modifications. Perez understands that lasting change must occur at the level of perception and emotional patterning, not merely in surface-level interactions.

Practical Wisdom for Modern Challenges

The book excels in addressing contemporary relationship challenges that many self-help books ignore or treat superficially. Perez's discussion of social media's impact on romantic expectations is particularly insightful, warning against the trap of comparing our daily reality to others' carefully curated highlight reels.

His treatment of "preventive communication"—regularly checking in about emotional states to prevent misunderstandings—offers a practical tool that many couples could implement immediately. The concept of building relationships around "voluntary commitments" rather than expectations or demands provides a framework for navigating the balance between individual autonomy and partnership responsibilities.

The chapter on arguing as an art form reframes conflict as an opportunity for deeper understanding rather than a battle to be won. This perspective shift alone could transform how many couples approach disagreements, moving from defensive positions to collaborative problem-solving.

Areas Where the Book Falls Short

While How to Love Better offers valuable insights, it isn't without limitations. The heavy emphasis on meditation as the primary path to healing may not resonate with all readers, particularly those who find their growth through therapy, religious practice, or other modalities. Perez acknowledges that different approaches work for different people, but his personal bias toward meditation sometimes overshadows this message.

The book also tends toward idealism in places, presenting relationship transformation as more linear and achievable than many readers' experience suggests. While the author acknowledges that growth takes time and involves setbacks, the overall narrative arc can feel somewhat simplified compared to the messy reality of long-term relationships.

Additionally, some readers may find the spiritual language and concepts less accessible than the more concrete psychological frameworks found in other relationship books. The frequent references to ego dissolution and attachment theory, while philosophically sound, may require additional context for those unfamiliar with Eastern philosophical traditions.

The Healing Generation and Cultural Context

One of the book's most compelling themes is Perez's observation about our historical moment. He argues that we're witnessing an unprecedented cultural shift toward healing and self-awareness, describing our era as one where "millions of people in the world are learning how to love themselves and one another better."

This contextual framework helps readers understand their relationship struggles not as personal failures but as part of a larger cultural evolution. The idea that we're collectively learning to break generational patterns of dysfunction provides both hope and motivation for individual change.

The author's background as a first-generation college student who overcame addiction and found healing through meditation adds credibility to his message about transformation being possible for anyone willing to do the work.

Writing Style and Accessibility

Perez writes with the clarity and directness that characterized his previous works, avoiding academic jargon while maintaining philosophical depth. His prose style is contemplative yet accessible, often reading like extended meditations on the nature of love and human connection.

The book is well-structured, with each chapter building logically on the previous one while standing alone as a complete exploration of its topic. The inclusion of reflection questions at the end of each chapter encourages active engagement with the material rather than passive consumption.

However, some sections feel repetitive, particularly around the themes of attachment and ego. While repetition can aid understanding, it occasionally slows the book's momentum and may test readers' patience.

Final Reflections

How to Love Better succeeds in its primary mission of helping readers understand that healthy relationships require more than good intentions and strong feelings. By emphasizing the connection between personal healing and relational capacity, Perez offers a roadmap for sustainable love that goes beyond surface-level compatibility.

The book's greatest strength lies in its integration of ancient wisdom with contemporary relationship challenges, providing timeless principles in accessible language. While not every reader will resonate with the meditation-heavy approach to personal development, the core insights about the necessity of inner work for outer harmony remain universally applicable.

[Samantha Yu · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to Love Better is one of those books that feels both simple and profound. It's beautifully written, very easy to read, and yet it carries so many layers of wisdom. What I appreciated most is that it isn't only about romantic relationships-it expands into all forms of love: family, friends, and even the relationship we have with ourselves.

The lessons are practical without being preachy, and gentle without being vague. I found myself reflecting on my own habits, how I show care, and also how I receive it. It's the kind of book that makes you pause, underline passages, and want to revisit whenever you feel off-center in your relationships.

[Stephanie Stoneback · Rating 5 out of 5]

Regardless of your current relationship status, there is something in this book for you. I am in a happy relationship, and I picked up this book because I truly love my boyfriend so much that I wanted to find ways to love him even “better.” And Yung Pueblo’s words gave me concrete, actionable steps to do so, as well as plenty of reflection questions to prompt deeper thought about my relationship as it stands and how I can help it grow. However, this book is also for you if you are going through challenges with your partner and can’t seem to find a way to see each other. Even still, it’s for you if you’re single and looking for authentic love and deeper connection in your life. And the ideas in this book apply even beyond romantic love. Ultimately, Yung Pueblo emphasizes that love is really about feeling free and accepting growth and change both in ourselves and in one another. “To love is to seek to understand.” Loved this one!

[Katherine Young · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was a good pep talk on loving yourself to love others but it constantly mentioned advanced meditation without giving any real life examples or actionable takeaways of how you could apply that to a relationship. It felt like such a disconnect. Why mention something constantly and never go in depth? I found that gap very frustrating and am not sure how it made it through editing lacking so much context?

[January · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo (2025)
7h 33m narrated by the author - Yung Pueblo, 352 pages

Genre: Nonfiction, Self-Help, Relationships, Psychology, Personal Development

Featuring: Interpersonal Relationships, Interpersonal Conflict, Introduction: Our Story, How to Help Love Flow, Lists, Where We Struggle and How We Rise, Three Overarching Qualities That Can Help You Love Better, Nine Strategies That Can Help You Love Better, Reflection Questions, Quotes, The Relationship Between You and Yourself, Self-Awareness, Personal Healing, Hard Truths, Eleven Attributes of Inner Thriving, Definition of Happiness, How to Thrive, Twelve Lessons From Twelve Years of Serious Meditation, The Power of Following Instead of Forcing, Where We Stumble, Attachment - The Enemy of Love, Control, What Love Is and What It Isn’t, Love Is Commitment and Understanding, The Art of Arguing, The Challenges Relationships Face, When to Break Up, Recovering from Heartbreak, Finding the Right Partner, The Foundations of a Good Relationship, Love Is Freedom, Bonus - Conversation with Author's Wife, Sara

Rating as a movie: PG-13

Books and Authors mentioned: The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology by Jack Kornfield, Love in the Time of War by Phyllis Inman Barnett

My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟💖

My thoughts: 📱16% 1:11:31 Chapter 3: How to Thrive - Honestly it's a bit boring but there are some interesting titbits. Mostly it's just repetitive love yourself, so you can love others well.
📱27% 2:00:59 Chapter 4: Where We Stumble - This is very good, it seems to be more about personal growth and how that makes your relationships better. Unfortunately, it's more telling than showing, not much how, mostly do.
📱44% 3:19:56 Chapter 7: The Art of Arguing - I had to quit suddenly for book club but this book has so many quotes I'm gonna have to get a book just so I can lift a few to remember. I guess I should have read the book when I had it.
📱60% 4:33:02 Chapter 9 When to Break Up - Good book but the narration needs more energy.
📱77% 5:50:54 Chapter 12 The Foundations of a Good Relationship - If it wasn't for Goodreads this is the point I would call it a day, but I'm close so I'm going power through tomorrow. There was a 12-hour break between the middle of Chapter 11 and the last 14 minutes. I almost forgot to finish it.

I probably could have finished this book sooner if I just listened instead of analyzing and hoping to document. This is a great book, not sure about the narration.

Recommend to others: Yes, this isn't a must-read but it is perfect for a couple's read if you want to grow in your relationship, and it doesn't focus on romantic partnerships but all relationships.

Memorable Quotes: The three biggest green flags are growth, kindness, and compassion. If they are consistently kind, if they care about growing, and if they can see beyond their own perspective, then this is someone worth your time and energy.

One of the best boundaries you can have is simply not letting other people's energy bring down your emotions.

[Janice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this read. By far the most insightful and healing read on self-awareness, self-love & loving others:

1. Fall in love with someone who is kind, compassionate, growth-oriented and self-aware of their emotions (sadness, anger), ego.

2. Multiple truths can exist. But if we are willing to see our relationships as opportunities to be fully present in our healing and growth, let go of our ego / emotions, we can transform and meet each other with compassion instead of judgement, and learn how to love in a way that is mutually uplifting and fulfilling.

I identify strongly with growth in my life, & especially loved the learning points made about love as a process for growth.

With this read, I am better equipped and motivated to be the best version of myself for my partner, family, friends and those I love.

[G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some thoughts that are sticking with me:

Healing your heart and mind is a profoundly personal journey … Having the courage to “stand and face your own emotional landscape.” Are you a friend to your own emotions? How are you supporting your own happiness?

“Befriending the challenge of love” - I just love that

A relationship is not an escape. It’s a form of gradual arrival. Letting curiosity lead instead of ego and fear.
Love is an invitation to grow; let each other change. Practice supporting each other’s freedom. How can I love you better? What do you need to feel loved?

It’s not about finding the perfect partner it’s about looking for someone who is ready for love; someone who is aware of their imperfections and wants to put energy into growth. What have you learned about yourself that has helped you show up better in your relationship?

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

“No love or care that you received is lost. Just as past difficulties continue to impact you, so does past love. What matters is not time, but the depth of the connection and how the connection affected that specific chapter in your life. Even when you go your separate ways, there is an unforgettable kinship that is forged.”

Gentle wisdom in these pages on how to love better in every relationship- with yourself, your friends, your family, your partners.
I listened to the audio for the last half and it was such a soothing and insightful listen. I’d recommend Yung Pueblo to everyone. 💛

[Nastiia Bozhuk · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ★ don’t get me wrong, це дуже крута книжка про стосунки. от прям база, яку мають знати всі. мені не сподобалось те, наскільки вона repetitive 😵‍💫 під кінець я вже майже засинала, бо автор все по колу писав про ті речі, які вже пояснив на початку. і частина про безумовну любов до всього світу не зайшла. не буде такого, поки існує росія в світі. а, і ще трошки бракнуло прикладів в теоретичних частинах, чогось прикладного, щоб уявити собі той концепт, який описується.