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Hello, Stranger: How We Find Connection in a Disconnected World
We navigate our interactions with strangers according to a host of unwritten rules, rituals and (sometimes awkward) attempts at politeness. But what if the people we meet were not a problem, but a gift?
When philosopher and traveller Will Buckingham’s partner died, he sought solace in throwing open the door to new people. Now, as we reflect on our experiences of the pandemic and its enforced separations, and as global migration figures ever more prominently in our collective future, Buckingham brings together insights from philosophy, anthropology, history and literature to explore how our traditions of meeting the other can mitigate the issues of our time. How do we set aside our instinctive xenophobia - fear of outsiders - and embrace our equally natural philoxenia - love of strangers and newness?
Taking in stories of loneliness, exile and friendship from classical times to the modern day and alighting in adapting communities from Myanmar to Birmingham, Hello, Stranger offers an endlessly curious, uplifting and powerful antidote to our increasingly atomised world.
When philosopher and traveller Will Buckingham’s partner died, he sought solace in throwing open the door to new people. Now, as we reflect on our experiences of the pandemic and its enforced separations, and as global migration figures ever more prominently in our collective future, Buckingham brings together insights from philosophy, anthropology, history and literature to explore how our traditions of meeting the other can mitigate the issues of our time. How do we set aside our instinctive xenophobia - fear of outsiders - and embrace our equally natural philoxenia - love of strangers and newness?
Taking in stories of loneliness, exile and friendship from classical times to the modern day and alighting in adapting communities from Myanmar to Birmingham, Hello, Stranger offers an endlessly curious, uplifting and powerful antidote to our increasingly atomised world.
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First published July 1, 2021
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About the author
Will Buckingham
31 books181 followersWill Buckingham is a writer, academic and traveller with an MA in Anthropology and a PhD in Philosophy. He has published books in several genres, including philosophy and fiction for children and adults. His latest book is "Hello, Stranger: How We Find Connection in a Disconnected World" (Granta 2021).
Born in the UK, he has worked and travelled all over the world. He co-directs Wind&Bones, a social enterprise that explores how writing can help us connect and reconnect, and is currently based in Dundee, Scotland.
Born in the UK, he has worked and travelled all over the world. He co-directs Wind&Bones, a social enterprise that explores how writing can help us connect and reconnect, and is currently based in Dundee, Scotland.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
November 9, 2021
Perfect book to read 20 months into the isolation and fear of the pandemic. It helped me to work through a lot of things (including loss and grief) and find hope in a future of continuing my favourite pastime of exploring the world, without fearing every stranger I meet in this pandemic world. It was the book I needed.
August 7, 2021
Moving and absorbing - on connections between humans and sometimes other animals too.
June 23, 2022
Very wholesome
Cried at the very beginning when he talks about his late wife and he discusses it again in the epilogue but the rest of the book is very wholesome good vibes stuff
Cried at the very beginning when he talks about his late wife and he discusses it again in the epilogue but the rest of the book is very wholesome good vibes stuff
March 11, 2022
What a beautiful, life-enriching book! Very informative and crammed with interesting anecdotes about social situations and expectations around the world. Many topics are broached and seamlessly connected in a clear and pleasant writing style. Throughout the book, the author comes back to the loss of his partner who died of breast cancer. These parts are painful and moving to read. This book is a melting pot of place writing, grief writing, anthropology, philosophy and academic theory. I wish I hadn't finished it yet!
September 24, 2023
This book was lovely.
July 10, 2021
Written against a backdrop of his partner's death from breast cancer, this is a short of autobiography of his life. A life of trust in the general goodness of strangers, and the joy and treasure that comes from it. Heartbreaking and beautiful. A truly humbling journey.
December 8, 2021
I do find a weird comfort in the strangers with my dad's passing. This book was like a long-lost friend who hugs me tight when i am all alone and lost in a crowd. Thank you, Mr. Buckingham, for not giving up and publishing this book despite Covid-19.
April 26, 2023
This book has been a balm, a hug as well as a melting pot of comfort, what the author deems a rowdy feast of "Memoir, history ,science, philosophy, anthropology" all sitting around the table exploring strangers, xenophobia, philoxenia, hospitality and cultivating a desire to "keep the door open." The many different philosophies, customs, countries (Albania, China, Myanmar, Bulguria, the UK among them)and people he quotes/interviews is so vast.
I felt this deep gratitude of my dependence on others and reflection on my own stories of strangers' kindness and generosity that made me tear up many different times while reading this feast of a book. It moved me so much. I am quite sad that I finished it actually.
In an interview, Will quoted Levinas who he quotes throughout the book: "The stranger brings me more than I can contain. It's more than what you can encompass in your view of the world....The stranger brings you a future....we beed strangers for what possibiltiies they can bring; Who wants to be trapped in a future of only possibilities that they themselves could imagine?
I found Will's writing on grief and needing not only friends, but also strangers in times of loss to be so beautiful and comforting: "Loss tears a hole in the world. It exposes us, leaves open a rent, a gap. It is disorienting, puts the compass points of our lives in disarray. Loss makes the future impossible, because it refers only to the past. But loss is never total. And sometimes into that gap, that rent, the breeze of newness can blow; and in the acknowledgement of our brokenness - in the softness of it - a stranger reaches out to embrace us, and in this embrace is a bridge to something new. The relationship to the stranger, the philosopher Emmanuel Levinas once wrote, is a relationship with the future.”
Some other quotes I liked: "92: “Human dignity seems to be about what you can offer others. Even if it just a cup of tea, it is important that it is offered and accepted.”
"If I was in your position, I would really hope that someone would help me. Because you never know where your life will end up;and solidarity has something to do with that. What you do for others is not charity. It is like doing it for yourself. It is not exactly selfish, but it is about seeing yourself in another person. And thinking about the world you want to live in. I’m not a particularly charitable person; but on a purely human person, it feels nice because I feel connected. It is really about connecting. And you don’t know where this connection takes you. ….But one step towards seeing the horror our myths have created is a recognition of the vast contingency of life: the fact that ‘you never know where your life will end up."
"Gifts forge relationships full of purgency, flavour and sweetness. There is something gratuitous about the giving of gifts. It is a kind of grace, something ‘over and above what is due, economically ,legally, or morally’. Something that is ‘neither foreseeable, predictable by reason, nor subject to guarantee.’ Because this is where the true tastines of gift-giving lies: in the power that gifts have to open up new futures."
This is how loneliness is overcome. Through opening up channels for generosity. Through the mutual giving of gifts. Through the way that pleasures are multiplied when they are shared. Through the animal warmth we cook up together, as we meet- both strangers and friends.”
I felt this deep gratitude of my dependence on others and reflection on my own stories of strangers' kindness and generosity that made me tear up many different times while reading this feast of a book. It moved me so much. I am quite sad that I finished it actually.
In an interview, Will quoted Levinas who he quotes throughout the book: "The stranger brings me more than I can contain. It's more than what you can encompass in your view of the world....The stranger brings you a future....we beed strangers for what possibiltiies they can bring; Who wants to be trapped in a future of only possibilities that they themselves could imagine?
I found Will's writing on grief and needing not only friends, but also strangers in times of loss to be so beautiful and comforting: "Loss tears a hole in the world. It exposes us, leaves open a rent, a gap. It is disorienting, puts the compass points of our lives in disarray. Loss makes the future impossible, because it refers only to the past. But loss is never total. And sometimes into that gap, that rent, the breeze of newness can blow; and in the acknowledgement of our brokenness - in the softness of it - a stranger reaches out to embrace us, and in this embrace is a bridge to something new. The relationship to the stranger, the philosopher Emmanuel Levinas once wrote, is a relationship with the future.”
Some other quotes I liked: "92: “Human dignity seems to be about what you can offer others. Even if it just a cup of tea, it is important that it is offered and accepted.”
"If I was in your position, I would really hope that someone would help me. Because you never know where your life will end up;and solidarity has something to do with that. What you do for others is not charity. It is like doing it for yourself. It is not exactly selfish, but it is about seeing yourself in another person. And thinking about the world you want to live in. I’m not a particularly charitable person; but on a purely human person, it feels nice because I feel connected. It is really about connecting. And you don’t know where this connection takes you. ….But one step towards seeing the horror our myths have created is a recognition of the vast contingency of life: the fact that ‘you never know where your life will end up."
"Gifts forge relationships full of purgency, flavour and sweetness. There is something gratuitous about the giving of gifts. It is a kind of grace, something ‘over and above what is due, economically ,legally, or morally’. Something that is ‘neither foreseeable, predictable by reason, nor subject to guarantee.’ Because this is where the true tastines of gift-giving lies: in the power that gifts have to open up new futures."
This is how loneliness is overcome. Through opening up channels for generosity. Through the mutual giving of gifts. Through the way that pleasures are multiplied when they are shared. Through the animal warmth we cook up together, as we meet- both strangers and friends.”
September 27, 2022
𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 | unbezahlte Werbung, Rezensionsexemplar
"[...] 𝓔𝓼 𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓱𝓽 𝓛𝓲𝓮𝓫𝓮 𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓱𝓽 𝓰𝓪𝓷𝔃 𝓖𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓯𝓽; 𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓱 𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓼 𝓖𝓮𝓯𝓾𝓮𝓱𝓵, 𝓭𝓪𝓼𝓼 𝓭𝓪 𝓛𝓮𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓭, 𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓜𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝓛𝓮𝓾𝓽𝓮, 𝓭𝓲𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮 𝓪𝓷 𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓶 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝔃𝓲𝓮𝓱𝓮𝓷."
𝐑𝐞𝐳𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧
Ich war sehr gespannt auf dieses Buch. Diese Art von Geschichte habe ich zuvor noch nie gelesen und war dementsprechend auch sehr neugierig, ob sie mir gefallen wird! Und ich bin wirklich nicht enttäuscht worden! Die Art und Weise wie Will Buckingham über seinen Verlust spricht und daraufhin aber auch wieder sich selbst findet und neues entdeckt finde ich wirklich sehr packend. Mit viel Humor und neuen Begegnungen sowie neuem Wissen, werden die Leser in "Hello Strenger" konfrontiert. Zitate von Wissenschaftlern, darunter Psychologen, Philosophen und Soziologen, werden so natürlich in die Geschichte eingeflechtet, dass es in keinem Moment zu einem Informationsüberfluss kommt, sondern alles sehr interessant und fließend gestaltet bleibt.
Schlussendlich waren für meinen Geschmack lediglich die Kapitel etwas lang.
Qotd: Habt ihr schonmal eine solche Art von Buch gelesen?
Danke an das @bloggerportal und den @btb_verlag für die Bereitstellung des Rezensionsexemplars! <3
"[...] 𝓔𝓼 𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓱𝓽 𝓛𝓲𝓮𝓫𝓮 𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝓱𝓽 𝓰𝓪𝓷𝔃 𝓖𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓯𝓽; 𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓱 𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓼 𝓖𝓮𝓯𝓾𝓮𝓱𝓵, 𝓭𝓪𝓼𝓼 𝓭𝓪 𝓛𝓮𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓭, 𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓜𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝓛𝓮𝓾𝓽𝓮, 𝓭𝓲𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮 𝓪𝓷 𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓶 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝔃𝓲𝓮𝓱𝓮𝓷."
𝐑𝐞𝐳𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧
Ich war sehr gespannt auf dieses Buch. Diese Art von Geschichte habe ich zuvor noch nie gelesen und war dementsprechend auch sehr neugierig, ob sie mir gefallen wird! Und ich bin wirklich nicht enttäuscht worden! Die Art und Weise wie Will Buckingham über seinen Verlust spricht und daraufhin aber auch wieder sich selbst findet und neues entdeckt finde ich wirklich sehr packend. Mit viel Humor und neuen Begegnungen sowie neuem Wissen, werden die Leser in "Hello Strenger" konfrontiert. Zitate von Wissenschaftlern, darunter Psychologen, Philosophen und Soziologen, werden so natürlich in die Geschichte eingeflechtet, dass es in keinem Moment zu einem Informationsüberfluss kommt, sondern alles sehr interessant und fließend gestaltet bleibt.
Schlussendlich waren für meinen Geschmack lediglich die Kapitel etwas lang.
Qotd: Habt ihr schonmal eine solche Art von Buch gelesen?
Danke an das @bloggerportal und den @btb_verlag für die Bereitstellung des Rezensionsexemplars! <3
December 27, 2024
Oh, I enjoyed this one so much because I thought about the wonderful author Will all the time - his curiosity, kindness, sharpness and warm humour... Such a beautiful brave soul that loves the world and its people! I found the parts about his own experience particularly nice - the death of his wife, re-inventing his life in China, the friends who passed by his/their house, the numerous trips around the world... I found a lot of me in this book - this indescribable desire to travel, to explore, to get to know the others... a little bit scary but even more exciting. It just makes you feel ALIVE! Will is a philosopher so the book is rich in references to stories, myths, philosophical ideas, etc. I have to admit that to me, these were a bit overwhelming at times :-) The last part of the book was really beautiful and left me with a warm heart. There were numerous stories about Bulgaria, where Will and Hanna lived for a few years so I enjoyed them very much.
Here is a Guardian review too - https://www.theguardian.com/books/202...
Here is a Guardian review too - https://www.theguardian.com/books/202...
November 3, 2025
I truly enjoyed this book, it is full of insight into how different culture deals with the topic of strangers, people outside of our immediate group.
I learnt how ancients almost all ancient cultures have rituals for strangers, from the Bible to the Chinese to tribes in Africa.
Honour being the main reason for respecting guests.
I learnt how ancients almost all ancient cultures have rituals for strangers, from the Bible to the Chinese to tribes in Africa.
Honour being the main reason for respecting guests.
August 9, 2023
It was an interesting read and I learnt a lot, but not the inspiring read I had hoped for.
I think I was expecting something slightly different, maybe something with more accessible tales and anecdotes.
I think I was expecting something slightly different, maybe something with more accessible tales and anecdotes.
September 12, 2021
3.5 stars
September 21, 2021
Emotive and moving in one go!
October 16, 2021
read for AP lang
October 26, 2021
Entertaining read. Got enlightened on how to be a stranger and how to deal with strangers.
August 20, 2022
Very good read!
Sometimes we forget to connect with others and strangers… and why this is so important!
Sometimes we forget to connect with others and strangers… and why this is so important!
January 31, 2023
3.5 stars, rounded up!
mind-opening in the way that it’s made me reflect how closed off my life is & how much more enriching it could be to Be Open
mind-opening in the way that it’s made me reflect how closed off my life is & how much more enriching it could be to Be Open
July 7, 2023
Loved this 🥲 really helped me navigate what it meant to feel lonely and to see the positives in embarking on new social experiences - would recommend to anyone who finds hardship in getting out there
December 28, 2023
The book sounded so interesting and I was expecting a lot of interesting stories. Sadly I had to skim through most of the book as a lot was about Greek philosophers.
February 26, 2024
Interesting and sweet
December 31, 2021
Will Buckingham explores the nature and potential of xenophobia, the fear of strangers, but more especially its converse, philoxenia, the desire to connect with strangers, and the many ways in which this is expressed. He points out the inherent conflict presented by the appearance of a stranger within a community, or household: do they bring friendship and novelty, or are they a threat? Will has travelled, lived, studied and worked in a wide variety of places around the world, as an anthropologist, philosopher and teacher, in, amongst other places, Indonesia, China, Myanmar, Greece and Bulgaria. He draws on his own experience, as well as on classical and scientific literature.
Will writes fluidly and accessibly, bringing much acute observation and insight to his subject, here woven intricately into his very personal account of the illness and death of his beloved partner. Starting with his own upbringing in the ‘porous’ household of a rural vicarage, he considers the attitudes to hospitality in other regions of the world and the corresponding codes of honour, the practices of ‘feasting’, and of leave-taking. There is an intriguing side-step into the matter of ghosts — beings that have left in body but not, it seems, in spirit. The latter part of the book looks at aspects of the topic more from the outside, from the point of view of the stranger: pilgrims of many kinds, the influence of nationhood and the phenomenon of one of its consequences: ‘border syndrome’, crowds, cities, neighbours and loneliness.
This is a touching, interesting and, ultimately, positive account that should encourage us all to welcome the strangers that we encounter — and to not be afraid to take on the role of being a stranger to others. It is especially pertinent in these days of mass movement of people, either travelling for the pleasure and novelty that it brings or seeking a better life in a different part of the world, for whatever reason. He comments on the sociology of migrants and refugees who he meets in passing but, I think correctly, leaves the politics surrounding them to others.
Will writes fluidly and accessibly, bringing much acute observation and insight to his subject, here woven intricately into his very personal account of the illness and death of his beloved partner. Starting with his own upbringing in the ‘porous’ household of a rural vicarage, he considers the attitudes to hospitality in other regions of the world and the corresponding codes of honour, the practices of ‘feasting’, and of leave-taking. There is an intriguing side-step into the matter of ghosts — beings that have left in body but not, it seems, in spirit. The latter part of the book looks at aspects of the topic more from the outside, from the point of view of the stranger: pilgrims of many kinds, the influence of nationhood and the phenomenon of one of its consequences: ‘border syndrome’, crowds, cities, neighbours and loneliness.
This is a touching, interesting and, ultimately, positive account that should encourage us all to welcome the strangers that we encounter — and to not be afraid to take on the role of being a stranger to others. It is especially pertinent in these days of mass movement of people, either travelling for the pleasure and novelty that it brings or seeking a better life in a different part of the world, for whatever reason. He comments on the sociology of migrants and refugees who he meets in passing but, I think correctly, leaves the politics surrounding them to others.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews