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Cold Turkey
“I saw him Mr Munroe.” A sly look lit up Jimmy’s blinking eyes. “He’s always chasing you.”
Raym’s hand froze in front of his chest, creeping back up towards his throat again. “What?”
“In a funny square van.” The kid blinked, blinked, blinked. He wooshed his hands either side of his body like he was starting a drag race, and Raym flinched again. “It’s got black tails – really, really looong ones, like party streamers!”
All Raym wants to do is give up smoking. So why is his entire life falling apart? Why are new mistakes and old terrors conspiring against him? Why is he being plagued by the very worst spectre from his childhood? And why does giving up suddenly – horrifyingly – feel much, much more like giving in?
This 38,500-word novella has already picked up rave
“Carole has written out of her skin for this novella. How can reading something so dark and insidiously uneasy offer the reader so much pleasure? Cold Turkey is a hammer and Carole Johnstone will cave your skull in with it. Brilliant”
—Johnny Mains
“Carole Johnstone has the canny knack of making the real seem strange and the weird commonplace. In Cold Turkey, addiction and compulsion spirals downwards into imagined and real nightmares. Top Hat, a creation to rival King’s Pennywise, rides through the urban Scottish landscape that Johnstone has created with an absolute sense of place. Her laugh out loud humour balances her harshness and puts you off-guard before delivering the final blow; if you get in bed with the devil, he’s going to fuck you over at some point”
—Priya Sharma
“Cold Turkey is rich with nightmarish invention. Johnstone has created a very distinctive villain with the sinister top-hatted tally-van man, yet knows when to hold him back to let other horrors take centre stage. There’s an addictive quality to the well-paced prose that makes reading Johnstone’s stories a habit you’ll never want to kick, and this one’s so good it’s probably bad for you”
—Ray Cluley
At the British Fantasy Convention, held in York in September 2014, Carole's 2013 short story 'Signs of the Times' won the British Fantasy Award for best short story. This story has now been added to the Cold Turkey ebook free of charge.
Raym’s hand froze in front of his chest, creeping back up towards his throat again. “What?”
“In a funny square van.” The kid blinked, blinked, blinked. He wooshed his hands either side of his body like he was starting a drag race, and Raym flinched again. “It’s got black tails – really, really looong ones, like party streamers!”
All Raym wants to do is give up smoking. So why is his entire life falling apart? Why are new mistakes and old terrors conspiring against him? Why is he being plagued by the very worst spectre from his childhood? And why does giving up suddenly – horrifyingly – feel much, much more like giving in?
This 38,500-word novella has already picked up rave
“Carole has written out of her skin for this novella. How can reading something so dark and insidiously uneasy offer the reader so much pleasure? Cold Turkey is a hammer and Carole Johnstone will cave your skull in with it. Brilliant”
—Johnny Mains
“Carole Johnstone has the canny knack of making the real seem strange and the weird commonplace. In Cold Turkey, addiction and compulsion spirals downwards into imagined and real nightmares. Top Hat, a creation to rival King’s Pennywise, rides through the urban Scottish landscape that Johnstone has created with an absolute sense of place. Her laugh out loud humour balances her harshness and puts you off-guard before delivering the final blow; if you get in bed with the devil, he’s going to fuck you over at some point”
—Priya Sharma
“Cold Turkey is rich with nightmarish invention. Johnstone has created a very distinctive villain with the sinister top-hatted tally-van man, yet knows when to hold him back to let other horrors take centre stage. There’s an addictive quality to the well-paced prose that makes reading Johnstone’s stories a habit you’ll never want to kick, and this one’s so good it’s probably bad for you”
—Ray Cluley
At the British Fantasy Convention, held in York in September 2014, Carole's 2013 short story 'Signs of the Times' won the British Fantasy Award for best short story. This story has now been added to the Cold Turkey ebook free of charge.
ebook
First published May 1, 2014
77 people want to read
About the author
Carole Johnstone
59 books643 followersCarole Johnstone grew up in Lanarkshire, Scotland. She has been writing as long as she can remember, and is an award-winning short story writer whose work has been reprinted and translated worldwide. She has been published by HarperCollins, Macmillan, Simon & Schuster, and Titan Books, and has written Sherlock Holmes stories for Constable & Robinson.
MIRRORLAND, her debut novel, has sold in 13 territories, and has been optioned by Heyday TV and NBC Universal.
Her second novel, THE BLACKHOUSE, is a gothic thriller and unusual whodunnit set on an isolated Scottish island where nothing is as it seems, and shocking twists lie around every corner. Out Aug 4 2022 in the UK and Jan 3 2023 in the US and CAN.
Carole now writes full-time, and lives with her husband in the Highlands of Scotland, though her heart belongs to the sea and wild islands of the Outer Hebrides.
See carolejohnstone.com for more information and giveaways.
MIRRORLAND, her debut novel, has sold in 13 territories, and has been optioned by Heyday TV and NBC Universal.
Her second novel, THE BLACKHOUSE, is a gothic thriller and unusual whodunnit set on an isolated Scottish island where nothing is as it seems, and shocking twists lie around every corner. Out Aug 4 2022 in the UK and Jan 3 2023 in the US and CAN.
Carole now writes full-time, and lives with her husband in the Highlands of Scotland, though her heart belongs to the sea and wild islands of the Outer Hebrides.
See carolejohnstone.com for more information and giveaways.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
August 21, 2016
A neat little chiller with some striking imagery and good, dark wit, 'Cold Turkey' is a lot of fun.
Primary school teacher Raym's nightmares begin almost the moment he tries to give up smoking, as his 'cold turkey' cravings manifest themselves in the form of a horrifying monster from his childhood (who in any film adaptation *must* be played by Jerry Sadowitz).
Speaking as someone who lives in the west of Scotland, I think it can be really tricky putting that voice on the page. It all too frequently ends up reading as a) false or b) incomprehensible, but Johnstone seems to manage the feat with some ease, which deserves credit.
The characters are well-drawn and relationships really strong. I especially enjoyed just about any chapter involving Raym and his girlfriend. The supernatural elements were trickier, beginning in a very effective fashion but eventually becoming too outlandish to be really scary. And maybe I'm dim, but I struggled to get a grip on the rules regarding the loss of time (it felt like the main character was privy to some information I missed) so the climax felt like a logical leap too far. The book's closing passages are just witty enough for me to overlook that and give it 4 stars.
In a sea of horror fiction filled with the same old ghost stories, serial killers and zombies, 'Cold Turkey' is something very dark, but very different. You could almost call it a breath of fresh air.
Primary school teacher Raym's nightmares begin almost the moment he tries to give up smoking, as his 'cold turkey' cravings manifest themselves in the form of a horrifying monster from his childhood (who in any film adaptation *must* be played by Jerry Sadowitz).
Speaking as someone who lives in the west of Scotland, I think it can be really tricky putting that voice on the page. It all too frequently ends up reading as a) false or b) incomprehensible, but Johnstone seems to manage the feat with some ease, which deserves credit.
The characters are well-drawn and relationships really strong. I especially enjoyed just about any chapter involving Raym and his girlfriend. The supernatural elements were trickier, beginning in a very effective fashion but eventually becoming too outlandish to be really scary. And maybe I'm dim, but I struggled to get a grip on the rules regarding the loss of time (it felt like the main character was privy to some information I missed) so the climax felt like a logical leap too far. The book's closing passages are just witty enough for me to overlook that and give it 4 stars.
In a sea of horror fiction filled with the same old ghost stories, serial killers and zombies, 'Cold Turkey' is something very dark, but very different. You could almost call it a breath of fresh air.
April 23, 2014
Raym Munroe has been a smoker since he was eight and even though he’s lost both parents - heavy smokers themselves - to cancer, he can’t seem to give the habit up. But now he’s determined to and he’s doing to do it cold turkey. A teacher at the school he went through as a kid (the Head teacher is the same man), he’s stuck in a dead-end job, in a dead-end town and tolerating a relationship with Wendy, who he’s been with since University. They don’t like each other at all but that’s the way Raym’s life goes - he’d rather live with being unhappy than make a change. As he begins to suffer nicotine withdrawal symptoms (though he’s more concerned with the ‘junk’ the Chinese put into their cigarettes) he begins to have what he believes are hallucinations, where he’s pursued by a spectre from his childhood, Top Hat the tally man. This monster is tall and skinny (and beautifully captured on the cover art), with his crooked top hat and overlong tails and his hideously extended fingers “as sharp as dressmaking scissors” and appears to Raym in both his dreams - which are very well done in themselves - and chasing him as he walks to school. It’s only when two children, both of them misfits, say that they can see Top Hat too that Raym realises his entire life is starting to crumble. His dreams of the man become more vivid and after a particularly harrowing one - where Top Hat has ‘Imperial Superkings’ for fingers and burns Raym’s arms - he carries the same wounds into real life. Sent by the head to see a hypnotherapist, who tells him it’s his brain fighting against itself, Raym not only starts losing hours from his life (corresponding to sneaky fag breaks) but he is assigned an LSA, a pretty young woman called Caitlin “Cate” MacDonald. It’s not long before Raym and Cate are having an affair - their initial tryst, in an alley behind the local pub, is both grubby and erotic - but he thinks he can get away with it, slotting their time into the ‘lost’ hours.
This is an excellent novella, beautifully constructed and filled with wonderful little moments of humour- “Raym braved the staff room with all the stoicism of a soldier shoved screaming over the top.” The characterisation is precise and clever - Raym isn’t generally a nice man (especially with Wendy and Cate) but you somehow willingly follow him and feel sympathy for his plight - and there’s a nice use of dialect too (especially the key phrase “Yer tea’s oot!”). The male viewpoint is well captured and when everything goes wrong for Raym during the Easter Fayre, it all happens in a perfectly pitched sequence that is embarrassing and funny and painful but which you cannot look away from.
Johnstone doesn’t shy away from the dark side of things though, with some unpleasant sequences and an occasion of brutally shocking violence, as reality and fantasy intertwine until Raym (and the reader) are never quite sure what is actually happening and what’s imagination. As an ex-smoker (and someone who loved King’s “Quitters, Inc”), Raym’s reactions and thought processes really rang a bell with me and I would suggest that this is written by someone who fully understands the pain of quitting smoking, even when you want to. Top Hat is a superb creation, a ghoul who looks as if he’s stepped complete from a nightmare and it’s a testament to Carole Johnstone’s skill that she can make excellent use of something fundamental to your childhood - the ice cream van and the nursery rhyme Hickory Dickory Dock - and corrupt them both completely, making each one frightening and unpleasant. Superbly written, with a great feel for character, dialogue and location, this is a great read and I highly recommend it.
This is an excellent novella, beautifully constructed and filled with wonderful little moments of humour- “Raym braved the staff room with all the stoicism of a soldier shoved screaming over the top.” The characterisation is precise and clever - Raym isn’t generally a nice man (especially with Wendy and Cate) but you somehow willingly follow him and feel sympathy for his plight - and there’s a nice use of dialect too (especially the key phrase “Yer tea’s oot!”). The male viewpoint is well captured and when everything goes wrong for Raym during the Easter Fayre, it all happens in a perfectly pitched sequence that is embarrassing and funny and painful but which you cannot look away from.
Johnstone doesn’t shy away from the dark side of things though, with some unpleasant sequences and an occasion of brutally shocking violence, as reality and fantasy intertwine until Raym (and the reader) are never quite sure what is actually happening and what’s imagination. As an ex-smoker (and someone who loved King’s “Quitters, Inc”), Raym’s reactions and thought processes really rang a bell with me and I would suggest that this is written by someone who fully understands the pain of quitting smoking, even when you want to. Top Hat is a superb creation, a ghoul who looks as if he’s stepped complete from a nightmare and it’s a testament to Carole Johnstone’s skill that she can make excellent use of something fundamental to your childhood - the ice cream van and the nursery rhyme Hickory Dickory Dock - and corrupt them both completely, making each one frightening and unpleasant. Superbly written, with a great feel for character, dialogue and location, this is a great read and I highly recommend it.
December 25, 2017
There were three main factors that first attracted me to this novella: 1) I'd already read a couple of Johnstone's short stories; 2) I'm a big fan of TTA Press, including their magazines, 'Interzone' and 'Black Static' and 3) the cover art...
...and that's an ideal place to start because the cover art is awesome! I was immediately struck by the poised Top Hat/Tally Van Man, who reminded me of a demented factory owner forged from the black smoking chimneys of the industrial revolution. Add this incongruous image with a dishevelled Ice Cream Van in a suburban housing estate and I was hooked (no pun intended!).
As for the story itself, everything just seemed to click. The characters are completely relatable within a contemporary, thoroughly 'normal', setting. I was left with nuanced feelings about the main character, Raym: in some ways, genuine pity, in others, self-righteous 'serves you right-ness'..."you cowardly little prick" (which I suppose is easy for this non-smoking reader to say!). Top Hat is the one fantastical, real/not real, creepy, ruthless bastard who's constantly stirring the pot for both Raym and others who dare to take the 'giving up' plunge. The writing is thoughtful and intelligent and the plot is well paced with a killer (quite literally!) final scene. We all know what's coming but when it does, it's earth-shattering consequences send a shiver down your spine. It's what makes 'Cold Turkey' an almost cautionary tale.
...and that's an ideal place to start because the cover art is awesome! I was immediately struck by the poised Top Hat/Tally Van Man, who reminded me of a demented factory owner forged from the black smoking chimneys of the industrial revolution. Add this incongruous image with a dishevelled Ice Cream Van in a suburban housing estate and I was hooked (no pun intended!).
As for the story itself, everything just seemed to click. The characters are completely relatable within a contemporary, thoroughly 'normal', setting. I was left with nuanced feelings about the main character, Raym: in some ways, genuine pity, in others, self-righteous 'serves you right-ness'..."you cowardly little prick" (which I suppose is easy for this non-smoking reader to say!). Top Hat is the one fantastical, real/not real, creepy, ruthless bastard who's constantly stirring the pot for both Raym and others who dare to take the 'giving up' plunge. The writing is thoughtful and intelligent and the plot is well paced with a killer (quite literally!) final scene. We all know what's coming but when it does, it's earth-shattering consequences send a shiver down your spine. It's what makes 'Cold Turkey' an almost cautionary tale.
January 20, 2021
I think fiction of a certain fallible Englishness (extrapolated to the world at large) and life’s chance abrasiveness do blend here in a lesson of stoicism which I feel this work starts with – a radiating, too, from much great horror literature – and it is (inadvertently?) designed to make the readers feel better about their own life. I once called it ‘revelling in vulnerability’. Yet it’s given me an addiction, since my early reading days, now demonstrated by my obsessiveness with reading and publicly describing / interpreting / evaluating such ‘fantastic’ books and the only way to cut loose, I guess, is by some method of cold turkey … There can be no weaning off.
The detailed review of this book posted elsewhere under my name is too long or impractical to post here.
Above is one of its observations at the time of the review.
The detailed review of this book posted elsewhere under my name is too long or impractical to post here.
Above is one of its observations at the time of the review.
April 14, 2014
Disclaimer: This review is based upon an advance proof of Cold Turkey, provided by TTA Press.
Cold Turkey marks TTA Press' third entry in their novella series and was written by Carole Johnstone, who has contributed a number of stories to TTA's Black Static magazine over the years. In it we find the story of a primary school teacher called Raym and his increasingly bizarre battle to quit smoking.
We initially find Raym fretting over his health and dwelling on the recent deaths of his parents, both having succumbed to separate smoking-related illnesses. When he resolves to kick his own twenty-a-day habit for the umpteenth time he immediately finds his sleep plagued with bizarre, trippy nightmares where he is chased around a surreal landscape liberally populated with assorted sci-fi and horror icons of his youth.
But there is someone else in Raym's dreams, a terrifying constant, a fragment of his childhood made manifest in a tall, spindly man dressed in a crooked top hat and tails. The man's fingers are long and dancing, his mouth is "the idea of a sharp-toothed grin", and his arrival is chillingly foreshadowed by jangling ice-cream van chimes. He is Top Hat, the tally van man.
When Top Hat starts leaking into the real world, Raym begins to fear for his sanity. The chimes stalk him through empty streets. He finds himself being chased all the way to the school doors on a morning. Worse still, he finds he's starting to lose time: an hour here, an hour there. And all the while Top Hat keeps asking him, "Are you done with all this yet?"
As much as he would love to dismiss Top Hat as a mere hallucination, Raym fears the tally van man is real for he's not the only one to have seen him. Some of the schoolchildren have seen him too...
Which gets us into the meat of Cold Turkey, if you'll forgive the pun.
Those of you with sufficient stamina for my reviews will recall I was rather impressed with TTA Press' previous novella release, Spin by Nina Allen. Does Cold Turkey continue this fine standard?
Nnnnnnnnearly...
It's just those first twenty or so pages. I found them a little difficult to read in that sentences would veer off here and there, (sometimes spanning a couple of lines, housed within parentheses) sometimes via tangents that - and I'm only hypothesising here - were perhaps an attempt to convey a sense of the gossipy undercurrent that exists within every close-knit community... which I found jarring. A few times I was forced to backtrack and reread a passage to make sure I had it right.
(That said, I'm not the quickest reader on the planet. I tend to chew over the words as I read them. You might therefore find these early chapters an easier read.)
Happily, once beyond those initial chapters the story becomes a smoother ride and one well worth a read. While TTA's previous novella, Spin, was a literary blend of science fiction and fantasy, Cold Turkey is a horror story through and through.
Raym's parabolic glide between bleak sanity and potential madness is deftly handled and well-paced. This is frequently helped by a cast of well-drawn and often excellent secondary characters for Raym to riff against, chief among them Wendy, his long-suffering other half.
The grimness of Raym's predicament is often leavened by some well-judged humour, particularly within a number of staff room scenes. (The caretaker, Lachlan's, sweary turn at the Easter Fayre elicited a genuine belly laugh.) It all helps to keep those pages turning.
While Raym is not the most likeable central character in the world, he does have his moments. The way he tries to deflect a young pupil's terror upon seeing Top Hat, despite his own fears, has you warming to him. (You could of course argue he should be doing this anyway, being a teacher.) The cunning he shows in twisting a bad situation to his advantage, specifically his missing hours, also had me nodding in appreciation, if perhaps not his... um... "extracurricular" reasons for doing so.
And then there's the ending, one which I think will linger long in the mind. It's powerful stuff indeed, going from the comically awful to the breathtakingly horrifying within the space of a few uneasy pages. I think I actually uttered "Holy shit!" under my breath while reading it. Great stuff!
Would I recommend Cold Turkey? Absolutely. Persevere with those first few chapters and you'll be rewarded with an evening's read of some mighty fine horror.
Just don't sneak away for a nervous ciggie midway through...
4/5
Cold Turkey marks TTA Press' third entry in their novella series and was written by Carole Johnstone, who has contributed a number of stories to TTA's Black Static magazine over the years. In it we find the story of a primary school teacher called Raym and his increasingly bizarre battle to quit smoking.
We initially find Raym fretting over his health and dwelling on the recent deaths of his parents, both having succumbed to separate smoking-related illnesses. When he resolves to kick his own twenty-a-day habit for the umpteenth time he immediately finds his sleep plagued with bizarre, trippy nightmares where he is chased around a surreal landscape liberally populated with assorted sci-fi and horror icons of his youth.
But there is someone else in Raym's dreams, a terrifying constant, a fragment of his childhood made manifest in a tall, spindly man dressed in a crooked top hat and tails. The man's fingers are long and dancing, his mouth is "the idea of a sharp-toothed grin", and his arrival is chillingly foreshadowed by jangling ice-cream van chimes. He is Top Hat, the tally van man.
When Top Hat starts leaking into the real world, Raym begins to fear for his sanity. The chimes stalk him through empty streets. He finds himself being chased all the way to the school doors on a morning. Worse still, he finds he's starting to lose time: an hour here, an hour there. And all the while Top Hat keeps asking him, "Are you done with all this yet?"
As much as he would love to dismiss Top Hat as a mere hallucination, Raym fears the tally van man is real for he's not the only one to have seen him. Some of the schoolchildren have seen him too...
Which gets us into the meat of Cold Turkey, if you'll forgive the pun.
Those of you with sufficient stamina for my reviews will recall I was rather impressed with TTA Press' previous novella release, Spin by Nina Allen. Does Cold Turkey continue this fine standard?
Nnnnnnnnearly...
It's just those first twenty or so pages. I found them a little difficult to read in that sentences would veer off here and there, (sometimes spanning a couple of lines, housed within parentheses) sometimes via tangents that - and I'm only hypothesising here - were perhaps an attempt to convey a sense of the gossipy undercurrent that exists within every close-knit community... which I found jarring. A few times I was forced to backtrack and reread a passage to make sure I had it right.
(That said, I'm not the quickest reader on the planet. I tend to chew over the words as I read them. You might therefore find these early chapters an easier read.)
Happily, once beyond those initial chapters the story becomes a smoother ride and one well worth a read. While TTA's previous novella, Spin, was a literary blend of science fiction and fantasy, Cold Turkey is a horror story through and through.
Raym's parabolic glide between bleak sanity and potential madness is deftly handled and well-paced. This is frequently helped by a cast of well-drawn and often excellent secondary characters for Raym to riff against, chief among them Wendy, his long-suffering other half.
The grimness of Raym's predicament is often leavened by some well-judged humour, particularly within a number of staff room scenes. (The caretaker, Lachlan's, sweary turn at the Easter Fayre elicited a genuine belly laugh.) It all helps to keep those pages turning.
While Raym is not the most likeable central character in the world, he does have his moments. The way he tries to deflect a young pupil's terror upon seeing Top Hat, despite his own fears, has you warming to him. (You could of course argue he should be doing this anyway, being a teacher.) The cunning he shows in twisting a bad situation to his advantage, specifically his missing hours, also had me nodding in appreciation, if perhaps not his... um... "extracurricular" reasons for doing so.
And then there's the ending, one which I think will linger long in the mind. It's powerful stuff indeed, going from the comically awful to the breathtakingly horrifying within the space of a few uneasy pages. I think I actually uttered "Holy shit!" under my breath while reading it. Great stuff!
Would I recommend Cold Turkey? Absolutely. Persevere with those first few chapters and you'll be rewarded with an evening's read of some mighty fine horror.
Just don't sneak away for a nervous ciggie midway through...
4/5
November 24, 2014
A lot of us never quite manage to achieve our dreams when it comes to our careers. Rather than doing what we want to do, we do what we need to do in order to pay the bills, to get by and cover the basic necessities. When you’re a cubicle monkey like me, you wish for escape. Like Sam Lowry in Brazil, you dream about getting away from it all and never having to come back. This short story collection by Chris Farnell plays with the theme of work and how it makes us feel.
The Broker – If you are going to make a deal with a devil it only makes a certain amount of sense to have professional available to ensure that said transaction runs smoothly. Timothy Marlowe is the man for that job.
Flipped – Do you remember Night of the Dolphin in The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XI? This tale (or should that be tail?) follows a similar vein. The dolphins are coming and they are far from happy. Teri, a survivor, battle against the greatest threat humanity has ever faced.
And Now A Word From Our Sponsor – In a world where corporate sponsorship rules the day, Andy wants a job more than anything. The big question, just how far is he prepared to go, and what exactly is he willing to do?
Just For The Taste Of It – Sometimes ignorance is bliss, especially when it comes to caffeinated beverage production. A short sharp shock of a story that is more than enough to put you off partaking in soft drinks for life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Right First Time – Faulty microwave ovens, popcorn and time travel. Sounds like the perfect combination to me. Seth is about to have the weirdest day he has ever had, multiple times over. This was my favourite story from the entire collection. It’s weird, funny and has a killer premise I really liked. Part of me wanted a whole book based just around this idea, but another part of me thinks it’s absolutely perfect as a short. I’m always pleased when an author causes such delightful inner turmoil.
Recorded For Training Purposes – When you are buying insurance, the key lesson is ALWAYS read the small print. Oh, and ensure you’ve done that before you call the customer care line.
8 Bit – Having reached a certain age, I can appreciate the halcyon days of 8-bit gaming. Not a massive surprise that I can also appreciate a story built around it. The world was a simpler place and the console games weren’t nearly as clever or complex as they are now…or were they? What happens when the character in a game starts to fight back? Thomas, Keiran, Doug and Leanne are going to find out. Another standout.
Monday Morning at Ninja HQ – When you are a ninja like Fred, even getting into the office on a Monday morning can be the deadliest of tasks. A nice darkly comedic touch round of the collection.
I had great fun with this particular anthology. Blending together elements of science fiction, action and even some horror there are some cracking stories and a few absolute corkers. I was reminded of the early short story collections from Michael Marshall Smith. I can’t really fault anything, I only wish there had been more. I would have gladly continued reading.
Dirty Work is published by the author and it is available now. This is a great little collection and I highly recommend it. I’ll most definitely be looking out for more fiction from Chris Farnell in the future.
The Broker – If you are going to make a deal with a devil it only makes a certain amount of sense to have professional available to ensure that said transaction runs smoothly. Timothy Marlowe is the man for that job.
Flipped – Do you remember Night of the Dolphin in The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XI? This tale (or should that be tail?) follows a similar vein. The dolphins are coming and they are far from happy. Teri, a survivor, battle against the greatest threat humanity has ever faced.
And Now A Word From Our Sponsor – In a world where corporate sponsorship rules the day, Andy wants a job more than anything. The big question, just how far is he prepared to go, and what exactly is he willing to do?
Just For The Taste Of It – Sometimes ignorance is bliss, especially when it comes to caffeinated beverage production. A short sharp shock of a story that is more than enough to put you off partaking in soft drinks for life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Right First Time – Faulty microwave ovens, popcorn and time travel. Sounds like the perfect combination to me. Seth is about to have the weirdest day he has ever had, multiple times over. This was my favourite story from the entire collection. It’s weird, funny and has a killer premise I really liked. Part of me wanted a whole book based just around this idea, but another part of me thinks it’s absolutely perfect as a short. I’m always pleased when an author causes such delightful inner turmoil.
Recorded For Training Purposes – When you are buying insurance, the key lesson is ALWAYS read the small print. Oh, and ensure you’ve done that before you call the customer care line.
8 Bit – Having reached a certain age, I can appreciate the halcyon days of 8-bit gaming. Not a massive surprise that I can also appreciate a story built around it. The world was a simpler place and the console games weren’t nearly as clever or complex as they are now…or were they? What happens when the character in a game starts to fight back? Thomas, Keiran, Doug and Leanne are going to find out. Another standout.
Monday Morning at Ninja HQ – When you are a ninja like Fred, even getting into the office on a Monday morning can be the deadliest of tasks. A nice darkly comedic touch round of the collection.
I had great fun with this particular anthology. Blending together elements of science fiction, action and even some horror there are some cracking stories and a few absolute corkers. I was reminded of the early short story collections from Michael Marshall Smith. I can’t really fault anything, I only wish there had been more. I would have gladly continued reading.
Dirty Work is published by the author and it is available now. This is a great little collection and I highly recommend it. I’ll most definitely be looking out for more fiction from Chris Farnell in the future.
October 6, 2014
I’ve always been grateful that I never started smoking. I’m the kind of person who would be smoking a good three packs per day if I had, and I’d probably already be at death’s door, having been unable to quit. It would be easier to climb Mount Everest.
Carole Johnstone gives us a lesson in just how hard it is to give up the coffin nails in her novella, Cold Turkey. Raym has just done so for the umpteenth time, and it’s turning into the third-worst day of his life, precedence being given only to the days his parents died. Raym doesn’t understand why he continues to smoke, despite the fact that his parents died gruesome deaths because of their own smoking habits; but now he’s giving up cold turkey. No, really. None of the other teachers at his elementary school really believe he’ll do it. And he suffers mightily that evening as he sits in front of the TV chewing on matchsticks and his fingernails. His sleep is full of nightmares and he’s late getting up.
On his way to school that next morning, things start getting strange for Raym. He hears music that he hasn’t heard since he was a child, the music of the tally van where he used to buy his penny candy when he was a child, along with smokes for his dad. Despite the music, there’s no van in sight. But the music brings to mind the image of a man in a crooked top hat and tails, a man with long fingers and sharp teeth. It’s no wonder that he is once again tortured with nightmares, and that the stress becomes so great that he succumbs to a quick cigarette — just one, only one — on his way to school the next morning. But that “quick” cigarette somehow costs him an hour, and he’s very late to work even though he started out early. Before long, Top Hat shows up to explain to him where the hour went, and what’s going to happen next.
From there, Raym’s life spins out of his control. He repeatedly sneaks a smoke to regain control of his nerves, but Top Hat isn’t too happy with that plan. Soon Raym is living in terror, even of himself and what he’s doing.
Johnstone has written a tense story that can make a reader feel as short of breath as if he’s chain-smoked a quick pack himself. She carefully builds to a crescendo of horrors, one piled on top of the other — yet these are not supernatural horrors, but horrors of Raym’s own making. And all because he couldn’t give up the smokes. This wickedly compelling novella is a Halloween treat.
Originally published at http://www.fantasyliterature.com/revi.... 3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
Carole Johnstone gives us a lesson in just how hard it is to give up the coffin nails in her novella, Cold Turkey. Raym has just done so for the umpteenth time, and it’s turning into the third-worst day of his life, precedence being given only to the days his parents died. Raym doesn’t understand why he continues to smoke, despite the fact that his parents died gruesome deaths because of their own smoking habits; but now he’s giving up cold turkey. No, really. None of the other teachers at his elementary school really believe he’ll do it. And he suffers mightily that evening as he sits in front of the TV chewing on matchsticks and his fingernails. His sleep is full of nightmares and he’s late getting up.
On his way to school that next morning, things start getting strange for Raym. He hears music that he hasn’t heard since he was a child, the music of the tally van where he used to buy his penny candy when he was a child, along with smokes for his dad. Despite the music, there’s no van in sight. But the music brings to mind the image of a man in a crooked top hat and tails, a man with long fingers and sharp teeth. It’s no wonder that he is once again tortured with nightmares, and that the stress becomes so great that he succumbs to a quick cigarette — just one, only one — on his way to school the next morning. But that “quick” cigarette somehow costs him an hour, and he’s very late to work even though he started out early. Before long, Top Hat shows up to explain to him where the hour went, and what’s going to happen next.
From there, Raym’s life spins out of his control. He repeatedly sneaks a smoke to regain control of his nerves, but Top Hat isn’t too happy with that plan. Soon Raym is living in terror, even of himself and what he’s doing.
Johnstone has written a tense story that can make a reader feel as short of breath as if he’s chain-smoked a quick pack himself. She carefully builds to a crescendo of horrors, one piled on top of the other — yet these are not supernatural horrors, but horrors of Raym’s own making. And all because he couldn’t give up the smokes. This wickedly compelling novella is a Halloween treat.
Originally published at http://www.fantasyliterature.com/revi.... 3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
April 11, 2014
I received a review copy of this ebook in exchange for a review.
Okay. So there’s a short story in Stephen King’s Night Shift called “Quitters, Inc.” I like it. It’s about a guy who quits smoking. I thought “Quitters, Inc.” was all there really was to say with regards to quitting smoking, that is, the entirety of what needed to be said in the horror genre, possibly even the sum total of everything that needed to be said, fictionally, about quitting smoking in any genre.
No.
The writing in Cold Turkey is excellent. You are not here; you are uncomfortably there, with Raym, teaching his dead-end teaching job at the same dead-end school that he went to when he was a kid, under the same Head. You’re stuck in the same teacher’s lounge. You’re with the same girl that he’s been with since University. And they hate each other: but why bother giving each other up? They’re used to each other, after all, which is the sum of Raym’s life. Until now.
Because Raym wants to give up smoking. Cold turkey, as the title says.
Ah, but Raym’s brain isn’t entirely with the program. Raym’s brain wants to keep smoking, thank you very much. Raym’s brain wants to keep everything stacked up in its neat little misery.
Now, in the hands of any other writer, Raym and his brain would square off. Sometimes Raym would be on top. Sometimes his brain would be. But in the end, Raym would stop smoking, all would be well, etc. etc.
Not so here.
Along comes the tally man, who counts up the number of cigarettes you’ve had, and…
But that would be telling. Suffice it to say that the tally man counts, and that he counts very well; he counts very well indeed.
I can’t say that reading Cold Turkey would ever help anyone quit smoking. Maybe it’s just for those of us who have to put up with smokers, quitting or smoking. I admire people who have quit smoking…but they are indeed self-justified pricks as smokers, and then whiny pissant assholes while they’re quitting, and this book captures both of those states very well.
An evil little git of a story with an evil little hook at the end. I enjoyed this very much.
Okay. So there’s a short story in Stephen King’s Night Shift called “Quitters, Inc.” I like it. It’s about a guy who quits smoking. I thought “Quitters, Inc.” was all there really was to say with regards to quitting smoking, that is, the entirety of what needed to be said in the horror genre, possibly even the sum total of everything that needed to be said, fictionally, about quitting smoking in any genre.
No.
The writing in Cold Turkey is excellent. You are not here; you are uncomfortably there, with Raym, teaching his dead-end teaching job at the same dead-end school that he went to when he was a kid, under the same Head. You’re stuck in the same teacher’s lounge. You’re with the same girl that he’s been with since University. And they hate each other: but why bother giving each other up? They’re used to each other, after all, which is the sum of Raym’s life. Until now.
Because Raym wants to give up smoking. Cold turkey, as the title says.
Ah, but Raym’s brain isn’t entirely with the program. Raym’s brain wants to keep smoking, thank you very much. Raym’s brain wants to keep everything stacked up in its neat little misery.
Now, in the hands of any other writer, Raym and his brain would square off. Sometimes Raym would be on top. Sometimes his brain would be. But in the end, Raym would stop smoking, all would be well, etc. etc.
Not so here.
Along comes the tally man, who counts up the number of cigarettes you’ve had, and…
But that would be telling. Suffice it to say that the tally man counts, and that he counts very well; he counts very well indeed.
I can’t say that reading Cold Turkey would ever help anyone quit smoking. Maybe it’s just for those of us who have to put up with smokers, quitting or smoking. I admire people who have quit smoking…but they are indeed self-justified pricks as smokers, and then whiny pissant assholes while they’re quitting, and this book captures both of those states very well.
An evil little git of a story with an evil little hook at the end. I enjoyed this very much.
November 11, 2014
I enjoyed this novella from Carole Johnstone whose short stories I am familiar with and who is adept at sketching human behaviour and melding it with the unusual to an unsettling effect. Raym is intent on giving up smoking and is making a bad job of it. As he goes cold turkey, a disturbing figure bleeds from his dreams and into reality. Is it a manifestation of withdrawl or something more curious? As time itself undergoes changes around him Raym is forced to confront the truth.
It's an interesting concept and the figures are well sketched if occasionally slipping into cliche (male fantasy cliche at that!). I had some difficulty relating to the main character as I've never smoked, and although Johnstone manages to convey his craving succinctly I felt outside of the story due to this rather than totally involved (but that's my perspective only). Also, the ending felt a little contrived. Nevertheless, it moves at a cracking pace and is well worth picking up. The writing is spot on.
It's an interesting concept and the figures are well sketched if occasionally slipping into cliche (male fantasy cliche at that!). I had some difficulty relating to the main character as I've never smoked, and although Johnstone manages to convey his craving succinctly I felt outside of the story due to this rather than totally involved (but that's my perspective only). Also, the ending felt a little contrived. Nevertheless, it moves at a cracking pace and is well worth picking up. The writing is spot on.
December 29, 2014
I’ve always been grateful that I never started smoking. I’m the kind of person who would be smoking a good three packs per day if I had, and I’d probably already be at death’s door, having been unable to quit. It would be easier to climb Mount Everest.
Carole Johnstone gives us a lesson in just how hard it is to give up the coffin nails in her novella, Cold Turkey. Raym has just done so for the umpteenth time, and it’s turning into the third-worst day of his life, precedence being given only to the days his parents died. Raym doesn’t understand why he continues to smoke, despite the fact that his parents died gruesome deaths because of their own smoking habits; but now he’s giving up cold turkey. No, really. None of the other teachers at his elementary school really believe he’ll do it. And he suffers mightily that evening as he sits in ... Read More: http://www.fantasyliterature.com/revi...
Carole Johnstone gives us a lesson in just how hard it is to give up the coffin nails in her novella, Cold Turkey. Raym has just done so for the umpteenth time, and it’s turning into the third-worst day of his life, precedence being given only to the days his parents died. Raym doesn’t understand why he continues to smoke, despite the fact that his parents died gruesome deaths because of their own smoking habits; but now he’s giving up cold turkey. No, really. None of the other teachers at his elementary school really believe he’ll do it. And he suffers mightily that evening as he sits in ... Read More: http://www.fantasyliterature.com/revi...
November 6, 2014
Author is sister in law of a friend. Very imaginative, who knew giving up smoking could be so frightening. Like the nod to batman with the Tally Man and could relate to Raym's fear of pretty much all childhood images such as darleks etc, was terrified of them myself! Still am a bit but then I am a bit chickenshit. Wasn't entirely sure if it was very dark Scottish humour or horror genre at first. Could be read as either and kinda loving that.
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