To Exist as I Am: A Doctor's Notes on Recovery and Radical Acceptance

by Grace Spence Green

READ BY THE AUTHOR.

'Astonishing, important, and truly radical ... this book is completely transformative' POLLY MORLAND

'To Exist As I Am reflects on the boundaries between those who care, and those who receive care in an absolutely extraordinary way ... Essential reading' XAND VAN TULLEKEN

'Inspiring and life-affirming' VIV GROSKOP

It wasn't a car crash, but there was a collision. He fell from the third floor.

At the age of twenty-two, Grace Spence Green's spine was broken at the fourth thoracic vertebra, and her life changed tracks. One day, she was in hospital supporting patients, the next she was one.

To Exist As I Am traces Grace's journey back to the wards and back to herself - as words like recovery, independence and community, well and unwell, took on new meanings.

She asks how we might fight for change, while joyously embracing life exactly as we are.

'It'll change the way you think about disability. Stop whatever it is that you're reading and read Grace Spence Green instead' GAVIN FRANCIS

'Unputdownable, awe-inspiring, necessary' GABRIEL WESTON

'So true and so beautiful' TOM SHAKESPEARE'

Genres: Nonfiction, Disability, Medical

Audible Audio

First published June 5, 2025

Reviews

[Pippa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fierce memoir documenting Grace's journey towards accepting and celebrating her disabled identity. I loved the way the story touches only briefly on the origin of her disability, an event that has repeatedly been sensationalised and placed at the centre of her story by others, and instead focusses on her mission to reclaim her narrative, live boldly as her unique self, and call for global equality in every sense of the word.

[bowiesbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was truly one of the best I have ever read so forgive me as I struggle to put it into words.

Grace writes with poise, clarity and empathy about having a disability in a world that is not built for them. Her maturity and levity comes across in every sentence, making it starkly clear that this book has been simmering for many years, and boy am I glad it has come to the surface.

Memoirs consistently surprise me, with a person's ability to be so honest and raw with not only themselves but also their audience. But this one truly took my breath away. I was hanging onto every word that Grace so eloquently spoke, and hearing her own voice recount her worst and best moments since becoming disabled was incredibly moving. She advocates so strongly for herself and others and she was a powerhouse to listen to. She does not shy away from the brutality of what she experienced,, but nor does she glorify it, careful to stray away from stereotypes of trauma porn inspiration. Her book not only highlights the power of community but also the dire need for us as a society to change the way that disability is perceived.

I really appreciated her reflections on how systematic power dynamics for marginalised groups impact a person's experience of disability, and it is clear that her own disability and time in hospital have made her a fantastic, thoughtful and passionate doctor who is determined to advocate for her patients and their care. I could not recommend this book more if I tried!

[Sara]

I don't rate biographies and memoirs.

Excellent memoir of a junior doctor and her experience of being a wheelchair user, abelism and the fine line between being a patient and doctor. There's a lot of important and interesting discussions about wheelchair users and how people in society view such individuals and the different world perspective that comes from suddenly finding your life changing in such a massive way. I think the most important point for me was that people who use wheel chairs are so often used by society to make able bodies people feel better. They're frequently ignored, excluded from places and until you view the world from that perspective most people are completely ignorant to how much the world is skewed towards the able bodied.

Wonderful eye opener. As someone in healthcare (specially Neurology) I'm hoping this expands my own thinking and allows me to provide better patient care and experiences. Highly recommend to everyone. Especially the able bodied.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

'We are starved of neutral imagery and ordinary stories of disabled people.

It felt strange, to start to feel content in a state I had been told was not enough.

I believe a worn wheelchair is sign of a life well lived."

Simply excellent

[Alison S ☯️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Very insightful and thought provoking first hand account of disability. The author was a medical student when a freak accident resulted in a spinal cord injury. The account of the immediate aftermath of her injury and the rehab process was gruelling and hard to listen to. However, the later chapters about how disability has changed the author's life - especially in relation to community and connection with others - really lifted the narrative and had a lot of great insights into disability, ableism, and just life in general. It was also interesting to read about how her injury has affected the author's relationships with others and her work as a doctor. It was unexpectedly uplifting and life affirming.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grace writes so clearly and honestly about her experience of becoming disabled as a medical student. As someone who is disabled I found I could relate to many of her experiences, particularly about the pressure to progress and 'get better'

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whilst studying as a medical student, a chance visit to a shopping centre changed Grace’s life. A man jumping from the third floor fell on Grace damaging her spine. This incredible book takes us through the days before and after the accident, early days in hospital, rehabiliation, rejoining her medical studies, working as a Doctor and becoming a champion for inclusion and changing narratives around disability.

I listened to this on audiobook via Netgalley. Grace is the perfect narrator to tell her own story. Hearing her voice is very moving, adding a particular power and intimacy to the narration.

I learned so much from this inspirational account. I had no idea what recovery involved - learning how to get in and out of bed/wheelchair, regularising bowel movements, driving. As Grace goes back to work it becomes clear how exceptional her situation is. She sits through lectures on spinal conditions where her condition is labelled as worst case scenario. She works with Doctors who don’t know how to include her; in hospitals where her wheelchair is regarded as a problem.

Radical Acceptance is possibly the most powerful and life-affirming section of this book as Grace turns the exceptional nature of her situation into a force for change both in her own life, that of her patients and disabled people. In this section Grace challenges a narrative about loss and being a victim into one of radical acceptance. One particular incident stood out for me when Grace challenges a man in the pub who makes fun of her wheelchair. This was something of a turning point and a moment when Grace began to realise that she is worthy, that she does matter.

I don’t think you will find a more moving and inspiring audiobook. It will make you cry and punch the air. It’s a book which will absolutely make you think differently about disability. It will make you think your own gift of life and the difference you might make.

[Paul Comerford · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ll preface this review by saying that this book had my attention right from the cover. I am disabled from a spinal injury, and before even starting the book, I saw representation and a provocative title - To Exist As I Am. This immediately conjured thoughts that pass through my mind on a regular basis - How does someone adapt to exist as a disabled person? Dr Grace Spence Green addresses this perfectly throughout this book.

Through this book, the reader (or listener in my case!) can follow Grace’s lived experience, from the accident which caused her to become disabled, the gruelling rehabilitation process (told in an adaptation of diary entries which, somehow, even in the face of the circumstances, include unexpected humour), to life outside of hospitals, returning to her medical studies, and through to continued thoughts about life with a disability. Although my own injury didn’t result in paralysis, my mobility is severely impacted, and I suffer from chronic, constant pain. So much of Grace’s words and thoughts about living as a disabled person were echoes of my own thoughts - particularly in relation to the way that others perceive you, and how their words and actions come from a good place, but can often be a source of frustration to the person who is disabled. Crucial discussions are had about the lack of representation and accessibility, and Grace does not pull punches in regards to her (very valid) thoughts about these.

I would thoroughly recommend that, for those so inclined, you listen to the audiobook of this title, as Grace’s thoughts and anecdotes are perfectly articulated by the author herself. Her often stoic discussion of extremely difficult circumstances and realisations is given additional power by being spoken by the author. Throughout, Grace’s incredible strength and resilience is evident.

Who is this book for? I would highly recommend it to both disabled and able bodied readers. Grace describes how when first faced with her as a disabled person, many people struggled as to how to react, how to speak to her, and struggled to articulate their feelings. However, with repeated exposure to a person with disabilities, this lessens. Through reading this book, one can almost feel as if you are in this situation-learning how to interact with a disabled person, stripping away the thought of them as disabled, and seeing the person - that you have always known - as who they are - they are not defined by disability, it does not override their personality or qualities. Even as a disabled person myself, I learned a great deal from listening to Grace’s story and felt empowered by hearing thoughts similar to mine - often thoughts which I might have written off as selfish, or unfair, which I have not had the courage to articulate myself.

Visibility and representation of disabled people is extremely important, and in this book, Grace does great service to both. The book chronicles an incredible journey of recovery (although I’m not sure Grace would appreciate the use of this word) and adaptation, gripping the reader throughout with powerful anecdotes which range from highly emotional to utterly hilarious.

[Hege-Kristin Beck · Rating 5 out of 5]

"To Exist As I Am" is one of those rare audiobooks that stays with you long after you’ve finished listening. Grace Spence Green shares her story with such clarity, strength, and vulnerability that it’s impossible not to be moved.

The book chronicles her journey from being an active medical student to navigating life after a life-changing accident that left her paralyzed. What makes this memoir especially compelling is Grace’s unique perspective—her medical background adds depth and insight, while her personal reflections bring raw emotion and authenticity.

Listening to Grace narrate her own story adds another layer of intimacy. Her voice is calm yet powerful, and her words are filled with purpose. She doesn’t shy away from the hard truths—about pain, about society’s treatment of people with disabilities, and about the emotional and physical challenges of adapting to a new reality. But she also speaks with hope, resilience, and a clear desire to make a difference.

This book made me reflect deeply—not just on disability, but on how we as a society can and must do better. Grace’s courage and determination are truly inspiring. I learned so much from her story, and I’m grateful she chose to share it.

Highly recommended for anyone looking for a meaningful, thought-provoking, and beautifully told memoir.

Thank you to Netgalley, the author and the publisher for providing me with an advance copy of this audiobook to review.

[Audrey Haylins · Rating 5 out of 5]

On acceptance, courage, and being seen

I always enjoy a memoir, especially those of the celebrity, warts-and-all variety. But the true, hidden gems are often those found in more everyday settings, about ordinary people with extraordinary experiences to share.

None has affected me more deeply than To Exist as I Am by Grace Spence Green, an astonishing story of courage and resilience in the face of heartbreaking adversity, the embodiment of ‘radical acceptance’ in its purest form.

Grace was a fourth-year medical student, when a man jumped from the third-floor gallery of a shopping mall, landing on top of her. The impact crushed Grace’s spine, rendering her paraplegic.

In her book, Grace documents her brush with death, the physical and psychological trauma, and the punishing months of rehab that followed. Astonishingly, she was back at med school 10 months later, in a wheelchair, and more determined than ever to qualify, which she duly did.

Grace is neither bitter nor angry about her life being upended and set on a trajectory vastly at odds with that she had planned. She doesn’t want to be pitied, and she doesn’t want to be described as an ‘inspiration.’ She just wants to be ‘seen’—in a way that most disabled people are not—and moreover to be seen as an advocate for other people living with disabilities.

Most revealing is Grace’s insistence that she wouldn’t turn back the clock, for the experience has enriched her life in unexpected ways: the chance to see a treasured side of loved ones that she’d never otherwise have been privy to; greater sensitivity as a doctor vis-à-vis the dignity and autonomy of her patients; and above all the power to demand better, to fight for a change in systems and attitudes towards the disabled.

I learned so much from Grace’s story and would urge everyone who reads this review to pick up her book. It has changed me fundamentally, and I think it would you too.

[Sue Jack · Rating 4 out of 5]

In 2018, Grace Spence Green was involved in a life changing incident which saw her catapulted from being a 22 year old medical student to a spinal chord injured patient coming to terms with life in a wheelchair.
The account is moving ,inspiring and challenging in equal measures. As a person with an acquired disability myself the societal barriers facing disabled people highlighted in this book are sadly all too relatable. Similarly the medical approach to disability focusing predominantly on rehabilitation was highlighted to good effect with all its deficits. I have spent many years advocating for re-configuration rather than rehabilitation as a far more appropriate approach to supporting disabled people and this book certainly aligns with this viewpoint.
I feel the book will serve as a useful challenge to the medical profession and a source of comfort to those fighting similar battles as they navigate through a system determined to make disabled people fit their own agendas.
I am grateful to the publishers and NetGalley for an advanced listener copy of this audiobook which is narrated by the author herself.

[Katherine Dutson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book, really found it a book of solidarity, and acceptance of all people as they are whatever their condition/ disability is. Her story and her experiences of disability grief and the change in how her life and body are now viewed, resonated a lot with me, and I found some solace and hope through this book. All health care professionals should read this book too!
I would definitely recommend this book to those who are fed up and burnt out struggling with systemic ableism, or maybe trying to fit in a new environment, or situation in their lives, as disabled people - they might find some comfort, ideas and hope for their future.

[liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything Grace said in this book and how it traces her journey to radical acceptance. Even though I love memoirs by disabled people, I would never write one, as I don't have that emotional narrative arc - if I ever write a memoir, it would be about my career.I think what resonated with me most in what Grace said was describing the nostalgia, not yearning, that comes with thinking about walking/dancing. When you accept yourself, you don't want to change yourself, but you can still be nostalgic for when you were young, same as old people. You don't have to be bitter to recognise beauty.

[Sohxpie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My words will not do this author, this book, what it represents, and what it stands for justice. You just have to read it to truly understand what an important book this is. Grace Spence Jones talks about her experience as a patient and a doctor and how her disability affects her in both roles. She explains how it's changed her perspective as a doctor and a human being. She explains how becoming disabled made her realise how little disabilities are considered in the world and she is advocating to change that. She is an extraordinary woman in more ways than one, honestly an inspiration. This book is more than worth the read.

[Jasmine Esmé · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! A unique story of a medical student who became suddenly disabled during her degree.

It's not necessarily a relatable book to other people that acquired disabilities young. As she states throughout the book, Grace had basically every advantage going when it came to social and financial support in recovering from the fallout of her injury. I really appreciated the time she took to acknowledge this. A recount of a discussion with another SCI patient at the A&E she works at encapsulated this and for me was the most memorable moment in the memoir.

I would love for future medical students and healthcare staff to read this book and learn from it.

[Susanna Rance · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book opens my eyes and consciousness to the reality of living and working with a disability in the wake of traumatic injury. Grace Spence Green writes extremely well, conveying the inner and holistic process of her journey through shock, effort, anger, and radical acceptance. Not "something wrong" with her, but with a society blanking and rebuffing human experience and ignoring access rights of people who care for others and receive care too. A groundbreaking exposé by a young woman doctor, this book will change your awareness.

[Christine Jenkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first-hand account of a doctor who sustained a spinal cord injury and her thoughts around her experiences, of hospital and rehabilitation, and since then, working as a wheelchair using doctor.
As I’m on the cusp of finishing my dissertation about children returning to school after a spinal cord injury, this was a brilliantly timed and important read, as engaging as it was thought-provoking. It will certainly inform the way I approach my next proofread.
Highly recommended for checking your own attitude towards disability and the false binary between health and illness.

[Tracy Locke]

Says everything I feel as a wheelchair user

I live with spinabifida and am a wheelchair user full time like Grace. I felt seen by this book as she says everything i feel about how the world feels about disabled people and about how we feel about our lives and our community. To have ableism so beautifully explained is such a special thing.

I hope this book goes some way to changing our world and the way in which we are seen and treated. Thank you Grace for writing this!

[Betty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and informative. Illustrates in authentic detail the challenges and contradictions associated with living as a disabled person. Refreshing in its radical acceptance and grounding in grief (without becoming pity porn), as well as in the acknowledgement of how privilege of all kinds affects recovery (a fact that applies to so many things in life).

[Safya Saleem · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d give it 6 stars if I could. This book was powerful, it was soft, it was beautifully and eloquently written, and it shows such a strength of mind and character, in knowing and re-knowing one’s self, and the world. My own words won’t do it justice. Read it!

[Jenny Barron · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that confronts life as a person with disabilities and find joy again. Brimming with care and concern and surmounting many challenges, it buoys you to know what is possible given the support that’s needed.

[Gold Bunny · Rating 5 out of 5]

A superb insight into the challenges and joys of life as a disabled person, with interesting intersections between life as a patient and life as a doctor. It is balanced and well-written, offering opportunities for connection and learning for anyone who reads it

[Rosalind Fraser · Rating 5 out of 5]

My only comment is that absolutely everyone should read this book. No exceptions.

[Megan Mottola · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW. Every person that works in healthcare, especially PTs/OTs/SLPs needs to read this. Her discussion of ableism, disability and identity, and growth is brutally honest and real.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting. She would not swap and go back to her pre accident life.

[Dolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful tale that makes one consider one’s ableism

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read.

[Juuliaeve · Rating 4 out of 5]

Epilogue made this book four stars!

[Lottie C · Rating 5 out of 5]

6⭐️

literally had me crying. so good

[Al · Rating 5 out of 5]

The phrase 'a book everyone should read' is grossly overused, but fully applies to this beautifully written, intensely moving account of trauma, acceptance, and recovery.