Murder on Sex Island

Luella van Horn Mysteries #1

by Jo Firestone

A sexy reality show. A missing contestant. A one-of-a-kind detective.

"Bless Jo Firestone's quiet, mad genius . . . Hilarious and completely brilliant, [a] bloodstained love-letter to reality-dating television." — Vulture

When a cast member goes missing from the hit reality show Sex Island, producers hire detective Luella van Horn to go undercover as a contestant and solve the case. What the producers don’t know is that the enigmatic Luella van Horn is actually a woman named Marie Jones, a divorced ex–social worker from Staten Island attempting to lead a double life as a private eye. The local press couldn’t get enough of Luella . . . until she horribly bungled her last case and a murderer went free.

Unable to resist the opportunity to be a part of her favorite trashy TV show, travel to a remote island, and embark on a journey for redemption, Marie-as-Luella takes the case. But the more she learns about Sex Island’s dark underbelly, the harder it gets to make it out alive. She encounters shady producers, sleazy directors, contestants willing to do whatever it takes to win the $100,000 grand prize—and the dead body of the show’s missing fan-favorite in her bathtub.

Will she find the killer? Will she find herself? Will she find . . . love?

Find out now, in Sex Island ’s most dramatic season yet.

Genres: Mystery, Fiction, Audiobook, Humor, Mystery Thriller, Book Club, Thriller

Audible Audio

First published June 24, 2025

Reviews

[emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

things nicolas cage and jo firestone have in common:
- national treasure

this is funny and if you ever have an opportunity to have jo firestone read aloud a reality tv-show based cozy mystery involving murder, jell-o, and fake teeth, i recommend you take it.

even if it doesn't quite stick the landing, more cozy mysteries should be like this.

bottom line: don't threaten me with a good time.

3.5

[John (LHBC) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Imagine The Bachelor, Only Murders in the Building, and Scooby-Doo went on a bender, woke up on a tropical island, and tried to solve a murder. That’s roughly the energy of Murder on Sex Island—a purposely absurd, occasionally sharp, but sometimes overcooked satire that knows exactly what kind of book it wants to be, whether or not you’re on board.

Jo Firestone leans hard into the ridiculous premise: a washed-up/wannabe PI, posing as a contestant on a sexy reality TV show, trying to redeem herself while surrounded by influencer types and shady producers. The main character, Luella van Horn is a mess. She’s the kind of detective who stumbles into trouble, panics, and somehow still ends up with a dead body in her tub.

There are some genuinely funny lines and great moments of cringe comedy—Firestone’s humor shines brightest in the details: the absurd confessionals, the petty alliances, the cynical showrunners trying to spin a death into better ratings. It’s reality TV meets whodunnit.

But- it tries very hard. And sometimes, it shows. The dialogue doesn’t always land, the character interactions can feel more like improv sketches than actual conversations, and the plot—the mystery part of the mystery novel—is more like background noise. You’re not here for tight pacing or shocking reveals. You’re here for the chaos, the camp, and the commentary on just how far reality TV will go to entertain us.

Would I recommend it? Yes, just be sure you know what you are getting. It’s a great beach read—short, strange, and never taking itself too seriously. But if you’re expecting a twisty thriller or even consistent satire, you may end up more amused than amazed.

[Zoë · Rating 4 out of 5]

when I found out that fake British idiot fell into a ditch and that was his 80s romcom/sitcom exit from the book i laughed so hard i choked on my water

[JanB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Luella van Horn (aka Marie Jones) works as a PI, if you consider finding lost dogs a PI career.

When a cast member of the reality show, Sex Island, goes missing, the producer needs to keep it quiet (ratings!), and so hires Luella to go undercover as a cast member to solve the mystery. After all, she had found a relative’s lost dog so why not?

Maybe because she is wholly unqualified and ill prepared for the task? With her wit, fake teeth, and wig, she is a cross between Finley Donovan and Vera Wong and just as funny.

Luella jumps at the opportunity to be on her favorite trashy reality show. What follows is a madcap romp in the world of reality tv. There is no graphic sex on Sex Island, it’s just a reality show after all which has nothing to do with reality.

But what this book does have a lot of is humor and satire and I loved it. Just don’t take the mystery and its resolution seriously or expect an in depth investigation.

Sometimes these types of books don’t land with me (sorry, Finlay), but this one. The humor & satire often had me chuckling out loud.

At only 240 pages it’s a quick read or listen, the perfect length for this type of humor.

Highly recommended on audio, read by the author who nailed it.

[Mystery, She Read]

DNF

Mood/Seasonal Reading: summer

I usually like books that push the limits like this one but this was just not working for me. The concept was too out there and the main character was hard to connect with.

It’s such a short read I would usually push through to give it a proper review but I have too many books signed out right now that need my attention.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absurdly funny

A satire of reality TV, with Jo Firestone's trademark absurd humor. I LOLed. The audio version is great; I bought the book because I was inpatient to find out who done it.

[Jillian B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ordinary Staten Island woman Marie Jones moonlights as glamorous detective Luella von Horn. With the help of a wig, heavy makeup and false teeth, she morphs into her alter ego. And Luella has just booked her biggest case yet. A contestant has gone missing from the set of Sex Island, reality TV’s steamiest competition show. They’re sending Luella in to investigate…as a contestant. Can she solve the mystery while surviving the cutthroat world of reality TV?

This book was one of the funniest I’ve read all year. It’s a silly satire of Love Island that totally worked for me. I’m not usually a cozy mystery person but this one hit the sweet spot for me because while the tension was low, the humour had a satisfying edge. I also love that Luella is depicted as wildly out of place among the super-modelesque contestants. She doesn’t get a crazy glow up, she just gets to be an average looking woman, which is honestly shockingly rare in any sort of media. Her average looks are a source of humour, but it feels relatable rather than cruel. This book was pure joy and I will 100% be checking out its sequel!

[Grace · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book felt too juvenile in the mystery-solving aspect, while also being not very funny:/

[Isak Nash · Rating 3 out of 5]

I LOATHE good reads not allowing .5 to the rankings.l, like 3/5 is too low but 4/5 is too high.

This book was SO fun and entertaining, I was giggling near the entire time. I want more Luella Van Horn mysteries. I knew exactly what to expect after the two page prologue, and was obsessed almost the whole time.

[Aneeqah Ahmed · Rating 2 out of 5]

silly and mildly entertaining but even being satire it was too corny to stomach

[Chee · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Don’t be pull off by the title and cover. This is fun to read and I couldn’t put it down until I finished it. Highly recommended for mystery book-lovers who need a good laugh.

[Kait Lawson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Exercising my free will to DNF - this book is supposed to be a saterical take on love island but I’m halfway and just so uninterested. Also the premise for this made zero sense. The show calls the main character to come
Investigate a murder based on the fact that she previously found a missing dog. I know the author is a comedian - but something’s not landing for me with the writing.

Thank you penguin random house for the free copy. All opinions are my own!

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

A book club read- In no way did I expect this to be good, but I didn’t expect it to be one of the worst books I’ve ever read. I would bet my life on the author being an ex wattpad fan-fiction writer in 2012.

[Manon (mysterymanon) · Rating 4 out of 5]

F***ing hilarious and clever to boot. Somehow I found the conclusion both supremely obvious and quite surprising, so that was quite fun.

Loved her voice, so I’m looking forward to the sequel :0)

[Jess · Rating 1 out of 5]

So silly and stupid. And not in a fun way. In a genuinely bad way.

[Ava-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably one of the quickest books to read. I just couldn’t put it down! I loved this book and the main character, I actually laughed out loud a few times! I definitely recommend if you like a comedic murder mystery.

[Casey Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG I LOVE JO FIRESTONE. This book was amazing and hilarious and suspenseful, and her reading it was the absolute best!!!! Highly recommend. Can’t wait to read my physical copy too!

[Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have Love Island withdrawals and also dig silly murder mysteries, you will enjoy this as much as I did.

[Megan Matheson · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you mix Love Island, The Bachelor, and a murder this is that book. A very easy read and funny.

[Caroline · Rating 2 out of 5]

we get it
she has dentures

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fun, modern cozy mystery! Read it in a day.

[Sydney Bonnin · Rating 3 out of 5]

so silly

[emma arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love Jo Firestone and you love reality tv, this is the book for you! Jo’s voice really came through and had me laughing throughout the pages and the mystery had me on the edge of my seat the entire book! Love love loved it!

[Sam Wescott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Your experience of this book is going to hinge solely on how well your sense of humor lines up with Jo Firestone’s and I am pleased to announce that we’re a perfect match. This book was so silly and often made no logical sense and I couldn’t even describe the mystery to you because I struggled to tell the Sex Island contestants apart, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also listened to the audiobook at a MUCH slower speed than normal because it is actually criminal to overly distort Firestone’s voice. Honestly, an absolute treat of a book.

[Bo Vogt · Rating 1 out of 5]

Pathetic loser stumbles around trying to solve a mystery that could've been solved in half the time by any fan of Blue's Clues. Bafflingly written in the 1st person despite half of the narrator's thoughts being inexplicably kept from the reader until the end. Complete and unfortunate fumble of a fun premise.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

A delightful and incredibly fun mystery. The audio version is a must as the author adds so much with her unique voice and perfect comedic timing. A great audio book for a road trip or girls weekend away.

[Caroline Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is my "i love LA"

[Joshua Glasgow · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let me begin with the most important thing—the question you’re all asking yourselves. The answer is: even though the majority of the book takes place at a location literally called Sex Island, there is next to no sex in the book, and what little there is occurs entirely off-screen. So take a star off the rating right off the bat for that. Putting the word SEX in your title is a transparent marketing gimmick meant to draw people in (the word MURDER probably also achieves this for a certain type), so to fail to meet those expectations is, in a word,



I already know what the response to this is. The book is meant to be critiquing the sort of vapid, lowest-common-denominator reality television trash which would be titled ‘Sex Island’ unironically. It’s satire!! But, also, like, a celebration of that trashiness, with a wink at the audience for only liking that kind of thing for being campy. The title isn’t sincere—it’s a send-up of the thing it’s commenting on!

I understand that, I do. Nevertheless, the book is trading on familiarity—not just familiarity, but active affection—with “bad reality television” to achieve its goals. The humor just doesn’t work as well for somebody who doesn’t watch reality television regularly and therefore doesn’t get the tropes of the genre as it would for somebody who watches reality television often. The title, then, although ostensibly satirical, is in fact offering the promise of sex and murder, the same things that draws eyes to reality television. To fail to deliver on that promise feels like a cop-out.

What comes to mind for me is WHEN THE MOON TURNS BLUE by Pamela Terry, a 2023 book purportedly about the removal of a Confederate statue from a southern state capitol, but which in practice avoids discussing the racial or political implications of the event almost entirely, choosing to focus on a much smaller-scale story about four seniors weathering an ice storm together. The book felt opportunistic, using the removal of a Confederate statue—a hot topic around the time the book was being written and published—as an “in”, but then not going anywhere with it. MURDER ON SEX ISLAND plays a similar trick, and the effect is as deflating here as in Terry’s book.

There is murder in the book, though. One murder. If murder is what you came for, I don’t know how you feel upon hearing that. I suspect you may feel similar to those of us who came for the sex. A person is murdered, but there’s no scene of the incident from either the victim’s or killer’s perspective; it, too, occurs off-screen. A corpse is found, but it’s a relatively bloodless moment. That is, there’s no lingering over the description of the deceased. The whole thing is fairly light, which is in keeping with the tone of the book as a whole. After the death is discovered, despite the fact that there is apparently a murderer loose on Sex Island, nobody—including the protagonist—seems to feel any urgency or sense of fear that the killer might strike again. There is therefore very little tension.

But maybe that’s okay? I don’t feel a lot of tension when reading Richard Osman’s THURSDAY MURDER CLUB series, either, but it’s an apparently successful example of this cozy mystery comedy genre. On the other hand, I have similar feelings about Osman’s books: their aim to be so middle of the road leaves me dissatisfied. It does feel like Jo Firestone didn’t put a lot of herself into this book. It doesn’t feel personal. It feels like the work of somebody who approaches writing from the perspective that “anybody can write a book” rather than approaching it as a person who has a story that needs to be told. Whether that makes it bad, I don’t know; not necessarily. But it does make it disappointing.

Honestly, it was not the promise of sex, sex, sexy sex which was the main draw for me, but instead author Jo Firestone herself. I saw this book come up as a Goodreads Giveaway and the name of the author immediately caught my eye. I know Firestone primarily from her role as Sarah Conner on ‘Joe Pera Talks With You’, a charming, offbeat gem of a television show. My positive feelings formed from my fondness for that show and her work in it made me excited to read this book. JPTWY is gentle and small-scale, yes, but it’s also very singularly itself. It has a voice unlike anything else on television. I had hoped to find something similar in MURDER ON SEX ISLAND; something silly and subversive, something peculiar but powerful. Instead, the book is mostly unchallenging.

My opinion of the book may have been colored somewhat by the fact that there were numerous typos throughout. I assume that it went through an editor before publication, and in the Acknowledgments the author identifies a number of early readers who offered feedback. I’m left wondering how so many typos got through. Was it just the e-book copy I read? I didn’t keep a running list, though I did note a couple near the end: she describes a person “carefully annunciating [sic] every word” and says that she looked at the time and saw that “an hour had past [sic]”. These are just a couple examples of many. The prevalence of these misspellings likely added to the impression that this was not a particularly serious effort.

As a mystery, it’s also not especially rewarding. It centers on Marie Jones, a woman who wears a disguise to become detective Luella van Horn, and who is invited onto the television program ‘Sex Island’—where contestants have copious sex and then are voted off weekly in ‘Survivor’ style based on their sexual proficiency—to solve the disappearance of the show’s most popular cast member, David G, who it turns out was in fact murdered. Her investigation is… haphazard at best. She seems to have no way of winnowing down who the killer likely is, simply pinging around from one suspect to the next without any sense of purpose. When at the end she reveals that she did in fact have a idea who the killer was and came up with a plan to act incompetent in order to fool them into outing themselves, it’s hard to believe.

Another book I’ve read which feels like an obvious comparison point is PATRICIA WANTS TO CUDDLE, which similarly has a mystery occurring while a reality television show is being filmed—a mystery which ends in murder. I guess when holding the two up against one another I would say I prefer Firestone’s book, if only slightly, because there are occasional moments of humor which land. I don’t have any to reference here, but trust me there are a few. Nevertheless, my overall impression of MURDER ON SEX ISLAND is largely negative because I feel that Firestone is capable of producing something so much better than this. I struggled between a 2-star or 3-star rating, but writing this I have decided to go with the 2-star option. I might call it 2.5-stars in actuality, but I think it’s fairer to set it at the lower star-value when forced to choose between the two because of the fact that my primary response to the book is letdown.

P.S. While reading this book, I searched it on Goodreads and saw that a second book is planned. The title of the follow-up is admittedly funny: SEX ON MURDER ISLAND. I still don’t foresee myself returning to read it, at least not without some assurance that it’s significantly different.

[Jessi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun & quirky cozy mystery set on an island playing host to a sex-themed reality show. It was self/published originally & is expected to be the first in a series, and I plan to read the follow up. The sequel is being released in 2026.

Marie Jones is a former social worker from Staten Island who leads a double life as a private eye, complete with wigs & fake teeth. She mostly finds missing dogs, but she’s recruited to find a missing contestant from her favorite show, Sex Island.

[Karina Howard · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ ok this book was funnyyyyyyyy- the premise is super silly; basically someone gets murdered on a fictional version of love island and a private investigator in disguise joins the show to figure out who did it (miss congeniality style). I think the pacing was off- the beginning was drawn out and the ending was rushed- but overall, a fun read for my dallaska off days.