Am I Having Fun Now?: Anxiety, Applause and Life's Big Questions, Answered

by Suzi Ruffell

Winner of the Speakies award for the Best Self-Help Audiobook

Read by the author, Suzi Ruffell, this audiobook includes exclusive behind-the-scenes conversations between Suzi and special guests, including Romesh Ranganathan, Josh Widdecombe, Tom Allen, Maisie Adams, Rosie Jones, and her mum.

'A brilliant representation of anxiety made hilarious.' - Romesh Ranganathan

Does peaking in high school ruin you for life?
Was Miley Cyrus right, is it all about the climb (when it comes to building a career?)
And what - scientifically - is the best way to mend a broken heart?

Comedian Suzi Ruffell is considering life's big questions.

In this brutally honest, funny, and often moving memoir, Suzi winningly tells her life story, and asks a host of experts to answer the tricky questions it prompts along the way. Diamond life advice comes from the likes of Elizabeth Day, Dolly Alderton, Charlene Douglas, Laura Bates, Dr Kirren Schnack, and more.

From masking anxiety with musical theatre and struggling to find her groove at school, on stage, and in her love life, to (eventually) coming out, falling in love, and becoming a parent, Suzi lays her life bare with trademark wit, verve and style.

Am I Having Fun Now? is riveting, relatable and revealing. Studded with brilliant, cutting observations on feminism, being working class in the world of arts and comedy, LGBTQ+ equality and the up- and downsides of ambition, it's perfect reading for fans of books by Fern Brady, Elizabeth Day, Romesh Ranganathan, Sarah Pascoe and Tom Allen.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Memoir, LGBT, Humor, Mental Health

Audible Audio

Published June 5, 2025

Reviews

[alan johnson’s beamer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been a like-minded friend since pre-pandemic (clang!) and this did not disappoint. Disarmingly honest, funny and heart-warming.

Important to note that I smashed through most of this while sitting cross-legged on the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium floor, eagerly waiting for Beyoncé to take the stage, surrounded by the girls, gays and theys… exactly how Suzi Ruffell is meant to be enjoyed 🤌🏽

[Natalie Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most incredible book for an anxiety ridden queer from Portsmouth. CLANG!

[Kate Henderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

**Listened to the audiobook as well as reading the electronic copy from Netgalley**

I adore Suzi Ruffell, and I immediately pre-ordered the book when she announced it a few months ago.
The audiobook is narrated by Ruffell - I love it when an author reads their own books, especially if they are comedians.

The book is part-memoir, part self-help. Ruffell reflects on her life as a teenager, coming out as gay, and becoming a mother amongst many other things. As you can imagine, it's incredibly funny but is also honest and real.
Really enjoyed reading, and especially listening to this book!
Whether you're a fan of Suzi Ruffell or not, I think most people would enjoy this!

Great choice for PRIDE month!!

[Daisy21 · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most relatable book I've ever read! An absolute gem of a book. Thank you Suzi 😊

[Lianne Hare · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember years ago finding grainy YouTube videos of Suzi performing at “stand up to sexism” in 2012 and have honestly never taken her off of my favourite comedian list. From popping every show I saw her guesting on to record on the sky box, tracking down live shows near me to her getting into football (the women’s obvs) and starting the big kick energy pod with Maisie. One of my favourite pods to tune into. Eventually I came out myself in my late 20s and now have my partner just as big of a fan. Needless to say when I saw she had a slot at Hay festivalI knew it was only right to book tickets and take the drive over from Leeds for the day.

I finished this book and can now pair some of these earlier performances I searched out with stories that she’s told in the book as well. The book covers everything from anxiety, loss, relationships, parenthood, feminism and one of my favourite topics, just how far has equality for the LGBT+ community come. Suzi then talks to experts in each area to round off the chapters.

Whether you’re new to Suzi Ruffell or a long time fan, I think this book has all of the wit and charm you’d expect from Suzi’s writing, whilst also the humility and self awareness that some writers / famous people seem to lack. I would say it’s worth looking up some of her sets before reading this if you are new because knowing the impressions she does of her family really help you to read this in her voice and for me made it a lot funnier, even when some of the themes were a little on the sadder side. This book has confirmed that all lesbians our age do love Kate Winslet and Mel C a lot and I have decided I should in fact be telling my therapist more of my unhinged thoughts that pop off in my head after reading this book, because maybe I’m not quite as alone as I thought.

I’d give this 10 stars if I could, and really hope to see more works in the coming years.

[Megz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hope I don’t lose my queer card for this, but I actually had never heard of Suzi Ruffell prior to her book. I picked it up because it was the memoir of a queer person and a comedian, and I’d never read a comedian’s memoir. And it was non-fiction November. I also vaguely noticed something-something about anxiety, but it wasn’t until reading that I realised how big a part it played in the memoir.

Suzi Ruffell is FUNNY. I mean, she’s a little bit famous (her own words) so she must be. But her writing about her anxiety made me cry, because I had never read anything so close to my own experience. I don’t think I’d even put some of the things - like making deals over death - into words before. Then I told my wife about it, and I cried again.

I thought it cool that she interviews experts at the end of each chapter, but tbh, it kind of got old for me, fast. I’m a big fan of truth over internet searches, but in the end I didn’t feel like the interviews added much to the book.

I found a second moment of intense connection when Ruffell writes about her marriage and journey to parenthood. While there are some differences, she again writes things in a way I’ve never managed to express to myself.

And then, again, she is funny. In that dry British way that I so enjoy.

If you’re looking for a memoir by a comic/queer person/mother/anxious person, this is your jam!

Thank you to Pan Macmillan and Netgalley for providing this eARC.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite simply, I adored this book.

I am not usually one for an autobiography but the title grabbed my attention so I thought I would give it a go, I am so glad I did.

As a paid up member of the anxiety club this book was affirming and home hitting (is that a phrase?) and read like I was chatting to a friend. I love a book where the writing just flows and washes over me like a wave - I did not expect it from an autobiography!

Thank you to Net Galley for allowing me to read this as an ARC!

#AmIHavingFunNow #NetGalley

[Fleur Currie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful, engaging, informative and funny.

[Fleur Booth · Rating 4 out of 5]

love being a link minded friend

[Dawn McCance · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75*

I'm not crying at the epilogue, you are!!!

A sweet little listen, but I actually thought it'd be chapters dedicated to comedians dealing with anxiety and less an autobiography.

[Amy Pattrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book, very informative and enlightening in a light hearted way.
Found myself agreeing out loud with Suzi where I related to some of the troubles Suzi faced/discussed. highly recommend.

[Briney (studying) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore her and she’s simply hilarious

[Alison]

Bailing on this audiobook because I’m 30% of the way through and I’m not having fun.

[Arlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a lovely, very enjoyable book. Suzi Ruffell's reflections on her experiences of anxiety are very relatable, and helpful to anyone with similar experiences. Her description of struggling with coming out is eye-opening - I wrongly assumed that anyone my age or younger growing up in Britain wouldn't feel any need to stay in the closet, and it's a reminder that we haven't achieved equality and it does matter. Definitely recommend the audiobook, not least for the bonus interviews, which are great fun (and the one with her mum is very sweet). Funny, moving and uplifting.

[Stephen Hamilton · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable but also, at times, a tough read. Necessarily, for a book predominantly about anxiety, each chapter is about tough times and difficulties in Suzi’s life and, while told with warmth and humour, it’s still difficult to enjoy the experience. I’ve learnt a lot, though, about Suzi, about the lesbian experience (for want of a better phrase - some of it confirmed at a Sophie Duker gig later that same day) and even about myself. Highly recommended. See you at the Dripping Pan, Suzi.

[Sarah Eley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully honest, encouraging and laugh-out-loud funny!!

I really enjoyed listening to Suzi read her fabulous book. It was so uplifting and entertaining. Brilliant mix of personal stories and insights from professionals. I really loved the chats at the end of the audio book too!

[Siobhan Colley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Suzi in all the formats, be it stand up, telly, podcast and now in written form.
This book really spoke to me, I loved the honesty and heart. If you're suffering with anxiety it definitely makes you feel less alone.
Highly recommend.

[Kayleigh Coe · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 - tbh im not really sure what to say about this - was informative and you can learn alot about the LBGT+ side of things with relationships and having a family, im just not sure i could completely relate to it all. I also never watched her as a comedian so I didn't find the funny... funny.

[Theediscerning · Rating 4 out of 5]

A different kind of celebrity memoir, because it's not fully an autobiography. No, each chapter is designed around a specific psychological issue, and so we have the memoir writing that delves into Suzi's childhood or other events, and then a quick bit of chat with a specific expert each time. The first chapter concerns Suzi's anxiety issues, and whether it could count as a problem that both the girl once coddled through childhood, including the death of her grandad, and the modern version with near-OCD-like issues, just plain frets too long over so much.

Chapter two is the typical school-based problems, the fact she was determined to be a drama child, in the local musical am-dram, while also not fitting in at all at school – and of course working out with the help of Kate Winslet's sexual confidence and particularly large feet whether she was a lesbian or not. Chapter three practically follows on directly, being about how Suzi's struggles with her sexuality continued through sixth form and beyond, into several months at least living with her male lover in London while she attended drama school.

To me the memoir side of this was more successful – and some of that, it has to be said, may have been due to me and my lack of commonality with many of these issues. To me the chats with experts were on the slight side – with insight and advice, yes, but something that could have been spawned from a ten minute zoom (although I dare say the actual convos were longer and what we get is a sharp edit). No, I liked the autobiographical writing more – it was equally insightful, with Suzi's perhaps therapy-given hindsight added to things. Also, unlike, say, her great friend Tom Allen, the chapters do not appear to be just a rewritten chunk of stand-up, even if we do get some obvious call-backs.

I might be wrong on that, of course – I've not seen enough of it to really know. But I feel a lot closer to the subject through these pages. She comes across as very honest, very relatable, and as if indeed you have seen a full hour of her monologuing. And, even in a world where these memoirs are by nature self-revealing, the fact this quite regularly has to become the book a younger Ms Ruffell would have wanted to use for advice, makes it clearly even more revealing. It's a fine format, all told – a strong four stars.

[Lizzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been a fan of Suzi Ruffell for years, and like many great comedy memoirs, in this book she combines her signature humour with more intimate conversation and detail.

The structure of this book worked particularly well, with each chapter being framed as the answer to a question. Each chapter ends with a short interview with someone very knowledgable on the topic being discussed, often people well-known in their own right. It was a really nice way to explore different aspects of Ruffell’s life, and made it feel like we were on a journey of self-discovery with her, rather than having a more detached relationship as reader and author. Conversely, this structure also allowed Ruffell to be more selective about what she shared about her personal life (as is everyone’s right).

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There are of course plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, some of which are similar to some Ruffell’s stand-up routines, many of which are completely new, and a few of which work far better in a book than they would on stage which is always nice to see! It was also incredibly readable, striking just the right tone to keep me hooked.

If you like Suzi Ruffell’s comedy then there is no doubt you will enjoy this book, and even if you’re new to her, I think this book would be a great introduction.

I received a free copy for an honest review.

[Xanthi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook format. It’s narrated by the author and she does a great job of it.
I like her comedy though not seen as much as I’d like. She really needs to be invited onto Taskmaster!
This book, however, was not quite what I expected. There was some humour but a lot of it was very serious and very earnest. Nothing wrong with speaking out about issues. Her being gay, I can understand her delving into the politics of that. But the general sweep of her very earnest social politics really took over the book and gave it a very grave feel.
She dips into the topic of anxiety but it feels a bit vague and not much at all on panic attacks specifically.
I can understand her hesitancy on including the ‘advice’ the mental health professional gives on drinking one and a half glasses of wine to ‘help’ with anxiety. Eeesh. Suzi adds lots of caveats but seriously? If I was seeing a psychologist and they suggested that, I’d walk out. And possibly report them.
The parts about adoption and motherhood were of zero interest to me. The parts about Traveling overseas as a gay couple were interesting and sobering.
The audiobook provides some interviews she conducts with other British comedians, covering some of the topics from the book. Even though I’m a fan of all of them, all but one ( Romesh) came across as either waffling and/or tedious. Pains me to say that, because I usually enjoy them all, but that’s how I found them to be in these interviews.

[Niamh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was very kindly given an e-ARC of this book via Netgalley and Pan Macmillan.

A self-help book / memoir, Suzi Ruffell's first book is just as funny and delightful as she is. Detailing her life from growing up closeted in Portsmouth to her time at drama school to parts of her career as a comedian, every chapter is bookended by a conversation she has with an expert in the area of the chapter. I enjoyed reading this - Suzi's natural voice comes through in every sentence and the conversations particularly about coming out, relationships, and parenthood are a particular highlight. I'd also love to see her in more acting roles (I sort of feel like she'd be perfect for the 4th season of Ted Lasso with the women's team angle, casting directors get on it) considering all the love with which she speaks about her time studying acting. I can imagine the audiobook, which she will narrate, will be an even better way to experience this book.

'Am I Having Fun Yet?' will be available from June 3rd.

[Rach · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great ride through Suzi Ruffle’s life. It is so funny, heartfelt and thought provoking. This is exactly what I needed to read right now!

What made this stand out for me is not only is this an autobiography but this takes a pause at the end of each chapter to ponder with an expert on the chapters subject matter via Suzi backstory.

If you are familiar with Suzi work either her comedy through standup or her various podcasts then this is a must for you. It is so enjoyable, very personal which did make me love this more and it is also very queer. Given that it is pride month so fitting!

Honestly pick this up and devour this like I did. If you need a laugh or like me a pick me up with a splatter of perspective then this is a must read! I was given an opportunity to read this via NetGalley and Pan Macmillan so thank you as honestly it was the tonic that I needed.

[Hannah W · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
Listened to the audiobook of this memoir, but was kind of over it by the time it got to the bonus audio content/interviews, so skipped that bit. I really enjoyed the first half of this book - I also had childhood (& beyond) OCD/anxiety so that was very relatable. The story of Suzi's coming out (to herself as well as others) having grown up under Section 28 was also very touching, and it was interesting to hear about her route to becoming a professional comedian. I found the second half of the book more opinion-based, and it was still enjoyable, but I didn't agree with everything she was saying and it just didn't float my boat as much as the first half. Still worth a listen though!

[tracey cloxton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a fan of Suzi Ruffell, since hearing her as a guest on a podcast I then went to see her show and have booked to see her again as she was excellent.
Her book is well written and very informative, it’s also very warm, I felt like I was listening to a friend chatting. It most definitely sounded like Suzi Ruffell chatting. I could hear her saying these words as I was reading them:
Also I am a generation older than Suzi Ruffell and have daughters of similar age to her: so even though my daughters aren’t gay I could definitely associate what she said about being a teenager, also about her anxiety and also about her daughter and the love of her.
Well done Suzi, you’ve definitely done mum and dad proud and your little Peach obviously has the best parents .

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a longtime fan of Suzi Ruffel’s comedy, I was excited to read her novel which is part memoir and part advice column. Each chapter finishes in an interview with experts such as Elizabeth Day, Laura Bates, Dr Martha Deiros Collado (aka dr.martha.psychologist) and Sara Pascoe.
Suzi aims to get to the bottom of her longtime anxiety issues, and answer questions such as:
“How do you know when you are worrying too much?”, “How do you know you’re not f**king up your kids?”, and “What is having it all, and do I event want it?”
A reassuring read, knowing that we all worry about the same things, and a good dose of reality from some chosen experts.
Thank you to Netgalley and Pan Macmillan for the chance to read this novel.

[SK · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you like Suzi’s comedy, you will like this.

Each chapter is a part of Suzi’s life that she wants to address where she tells you how it relates to her (be it a story or second hand experience), adds some of her usual wry observations and then the chapter ends with a conversation with a professional and / or friend to discuss the subject matter of the chapter.

I found this narrative style very interesting and could really sense Suzi’s personality throughout the whole thing as well as having a narrative arc throughout brining you back to the main point.

I sped through this and could not recommend it highly enough

[Jo Stass · Rating 5 out of 5]

Suzi is one of my favourite comedians and this is a fantastic memoir. It's part funny autobiography and part serious self-help guide, featuring great interviews with experts on a variety of subjects close to Suzi's heart. I particularly found Suzi's experiences with anxiety, failure and heartbreak very relatable and comforting, and it was fascinating to hear about her experience with being queer, a parent and a comedian too. I listened to the audiobook which has some great bonus interviews with Suzi's friends, but I'm tempted to buy the book too as there are definitely bits of advice I'd love to revisit.

[claireonveg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always enjoyed Suzis comedy, but never sought out more information about her, I just had this pop up in my “you might enjoy” list, and I am so glad I downloaded it.
As a parent of an LGBTQA person, it was so lovely to hear about Suzis experiences, navigating school, coming out, forging a career not only and a woman in a male dominated arena, but as an out lesbian. Then to hear her finding her person and creating a family.

It’s so inspiring to hear about how she’s made it through the high highs and the low lows and made a successful happy life with Alice and Peachy Peach!

As a parent you can only hope that yours finds that stable happy life someday.

[Kathy Peacock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it - I expected to find it interesting and feel solidarity, but I didn’t expect it to be in places deeply poignant and so utterly resonant for this exact period of my life. We’re talking taking those first steps into queer parenthood, interrogating the institution of marriage and the tensions of wanting it, ‘shifting into third gear’ career-wise to focus on new priorities, re-factoring showbiz dreams, redefining success and happiness - entertaining shame in none of it, helping others by talking about messy humanness frankly (and embracing a good old laugh).

‘What I have searched for is truth - truthfulness about what it feels like to have a brain like mine’