Lotus Girl: My Life at the Crossroads of Buddhism and America

by Helen Tworkov

The daughter of an artist, Helen Tworkov grew up in the heady climate of the New York School of Abstract Expressionism; yet from an early age, she questioned the value of Western cultural norms. At the age of twenty-two, she set off for Japan, then traveled through Cambodia, India, and eventually to Tibetan refugee camps in Nepal.

Set against the arresting cultural backdrop of the sixties and their legacy, this intimate self-portrait depicts Tworkov's search for a true home as she interacts with renowned artists and spiritual luminaries including the Dalai Lama, Pema Chödrön, Joseph Goldstein, Bernie Glassman, Charles Mingus, Elizabeth Murray, and Richard Serra.

Interweaving experience, research, and revelation, Helen Tworkov explores the relationship between Buddhist wisdom and American values, presenting a wholly unique look at the developing landscape of Buddhism in the West. Lotus Girl offers insight not only into Tworkov's own search for the truth but also into the ways each of us can better understand and transform ourselves.

Genres: Nonfiction, Buddhism, Spirituality, Memoir, Religion, Biography, Biography Memoir

Audible Audio

Published April 16, 2024

About the author

Helen Tworkov is founding editor of Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, the first and only independent Buddhist magazine, and author of Zen in America: Profiles of Five Teachers (North Point Press; 1989). She first encountered Buddhism in Asia in the 1960s and has studied in both the Zen and Tibetan traditions. Since 2006 she has been a student of the Kagyu and Nyingma Tibetan master Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, and has assisted him in the writing of In Love with the World: A Monk's Journey Through the Bardos of Living and Dying (Spiegel and Grau; 2019) and Turning Confusion into Clarity: A Guide to the Foundation Practices of Tibetan Buddhism (Shambhala Publications; 2014).

Reviews

[Dona's Books · Rating 1 out of 5]

Rating: 🧘🏻‍♀️ /5 yogis
Recommend? No. If you read it, TRIGGERS!!
Finished: Mar 27, '23

Three (or more) things I loved:

1. She makes some insightful comments about what it is to be an immigrant and the child of one, what it's like to lose or gain national identity, the prices paid and benefits reaped for such an exchange. The more familiar I became with the Japanese refusal to accept my American nationality, the more I appreciated America for providing me with any nationality at all. Being a foreigner bid me to explore what it meant to identify with a nation, to acknowledge nationality as a gift, not take it for granted, and to consider what it had meant for my relatives to have left countries where they were not wanted, and even if they remained dislocated in the New World, to give their children a shot at living where they might belong. My aunt Biala could rail against America, but before ever visiting her in Paris, I knew that she was not French. She would never be French. The French would not tolerate it. Loc.822.

2. I really love the passage (Loc.1875) in which the author writes about her fear of seeming silly to the master monks she met in her travels. She describes a teacher mocking the Mahayana aspiration to "save all sentient beings." ..."Did you ever hear of a more silly vow?" he asked. But the author, who had since childhood made space in her wishes and prayers for the whole living world, knew something about being silly...about silliness meaning everything to a person.

3. Her description of her dog, whom she calls "the love of her life," in his puppy days, is utterly charming. I actually guffawed, reading these pages. Mostly German Shepherd, but with the high, long legs of a wolf, about six, maybe eight months old, still with huge paws, and comically unacquainted with interiors. He moved across the kitchen stepping onto whatever was in front of him, making no distinction between the floor, a chair, the stove, table , or the wood pile. ...[He] wanted to please, to learn, to be good, to get praised, so he was easy to train, although he was not fixed and occasionally wandered down the road. Loc.3010.

Three (or less) things I didn't love:

This section isn't only for criticisms. It's merely for items that I felt something for other than "love" or some interpretation thereof.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: explicit racism

1. Wow so this is a little bit racist, wow. Losing myself to a black male world in a white female body threatened my own identity more than drug-induced non -dual perception in which culture, race, and gender disappeared altogether. The hat check was at the entryway to the club, but if I came around the wall of coats, I could stand at the doorway to the side of the low stage and watch the cigarette smoke curling through the darkened room and people moving in shadows, and listen to the piercing, untamed sex of solo horns . I hovered at the threshold. Loc.629.

2. I think Tworkov sometimes writes with an authority she doesn't actually own, because no one owns it: While Suzuki’s work extolled the penetrating pith of haiku, none of it sounded like the splash of Basho’s frog jumping into an old pond— the most iconic of all haiku imagery. Loc.734

3. I had to be very relaxed about the jargon, accepting that I didn't know the meaning of many of the terms the author uses, or I would have been reading this book for way too long.

Thank you to the author Helen Tworkov, publishers St. Martin's Press, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of LOTUS GIRL. All views are mine.

[Skye · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a fan of Tricycle magazine, I read this book to learn more of Helen Tworkov’s life as a notable woman leader in American Buddhism. I was surprised at how deeply I related to the quandaries of her character as a child and I enjoyed reaching into the history of American arts and Buddhism through her clear eyes. I am impressed with how she recorded the causes and conditions from which she came and through which she moved and at the crystalline depth of her insight into emptiness as she led a life “story” inspired by monk Thích Quảng Đức’s self immolation in 1963. I am enriched by this unconventional woman’s example - I am lit up! I claim this elder as a light to me as a (slightly younger) Buddhist woman. Emptiness is hard to understand and I’ll be chewing on her understanding for a long while.

[Gail]

Helen Tworkov came from an artistic family in New York City during the 1960’s. By proximity and because these people frequented her home, she met many famous people from the arts, music, to writers from around the world. At a young age, she rejected her family background. Her parents too were not keen to carry the traditions of their family that had come from Europe, traumatized by being driven from their homes then seeking refuge in America.



Helen is a seeker, and a bit of an adventurer. She goes off to Asia at 22, lives in Japan, travels to India and Cambodia, and even makes a quick pit stop in Vietnam during the war. She is looking for something, and that is what drives the book and her quest to seek her meaning in the world. She dabbles in eastern religions and takes drugs. She is still seeking as the riddle of life seems elusive to her. She marries, divorces and gets deeply involved with Buddhism.



The book is her quest to find herself, the many teachers she followed and the choices she made all while floating in the world of famous artists, like the Dalai Lama, Pema Chordron, and other famous Buddhist teachers.



I guess she found what she was looking for, but it does not make a great book. I went here, did this and met this person doesn’t really mean that much to me. I started out very interested and just lost my way as it went on and on about the people she met along her privileged way. Helen was around during a very interesting time. She was accepted into an unofficial club of the cool people, and she was a part of that. I guess finding Buddhism gave her the life she always wanted.

[Kelli Santistevan · Rating 1 out of 5]

From one of the central figures in Buddhism's introduction to the West and the founder of Tricycle magazine comes a brilliant memoir of forging one’s own path that Pico Iyer calls "unflinching" and "indispensable."

Thank you Netgalley for sending me this book in exchange for an honest review. I DNF’d this book after reading 102 pages. I thought this book sounded really interesting when I read the synopsis but I wasn’t enjoying reading it. It wasn’t a page turner for me. The way this memoir was written is kind of dry.

[Jackie Sunday · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those books where you relate to parts and skim past others that aren't interesting to you. For me, the beginning was strong where she was raised and ventured out into the world to find herself with fascinating trips, meeting new friends and sometimes taking drugs. She shared her thoughts on Buddhism and other religions over time.

To write about your personal life for publication takes a great deal of deep thinking and encouragement. It's an achievement I admire. While much of what she had to say went over my head, the book was well written and I'm sure others will get more out of it than I did.

[Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Helen Tworkov is a figure of some note in American Buddhism. As the founder and editor of Tricycle Magazine, she and a long list of prominent Buddhist scholars, teachers and practitioners explore the intersection of Eastern and Western Buddhism. I learned this by searching the internet for more information than I could find in this book.

Tworkov’s writing style feels very detached and unemotional . It’s mostly a compendium of “I went here, I did this,” without a sense of the narrative having a central focus or leading toward a conclusion, even though a central theme seems obvious. . She opens the book with a story of watching monk Thich Quang Duc, who publicly burned himself to death in 1963 to protest the Vietnamese crackdown on Buddhist clergy. While ostensibly this dramatic event had the power to emotionally affect a young seeker of truth, but she doesn’t link this event to her own spiritual journey in any significant way, although she continues to refer to it throughout the book. It didn’t take me long to become bored with chapter after chapter by a privileged white woman dispassionately describes her travels and experiences as if she was reading a grocery list. As an example, she described her first marriage in one sentence: “…we were happy for a few years.”

I’m not sure who the audience is for this book. Ideally it would be someone more familiar than I with Buddhism, as I needed to keep looking up terms and concepts online. I’m sorry to have to give this book a poor review - from the description I was very much looking forward to it. Still, I am grateful to NetGalley and St. Martin’s for the opportunity.

[Joyous Spring · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF read about 50 pages but I have to say it's difficult to find interest or empathy for the author.

[Ella · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reading this felt like hanging out with my dad’s friends, for better and for worse.

[Loran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful memoir

Helen is ten years older than I am; however, I lived through a lot of similar experiences growing up in Americq. Her descriptions of youth and alternative lifestyles felt authentic and real.

I, too, am a practicing Buddhist. Much of the book is about her efforts to understand the dharma. I was fascinated by the stories of the people who brought Buddhism into the U.S. In 1975 I attended a university class taught by a Tibetan monk, translated by Jeffrey Hopkins. He later became a translator for the Dalai Lama. It was revolutionary on many levels.

Perhaps younger people and/or non-Buddhists won’t appreciate the book, or the extraordinary accomplishment of founding Tricycle Magazine. Bushism is. Little more mainstream now.

I loved this book! This is a memoir of living history.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is different than any other book I've read and as someone who isn't super familiar with Buddhism, I enjoyed it and found it to be unique and interesting. I would recommend this if you're interested in Buddhism. Special Thank You to Helen Tworkov, St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for allowing me to read a complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Tami Havel Paalman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book through a Goodreads giveaway. It is a decent book and kudos to the author for sharing herself and her story. By no means am I an expert on Buddhism or the practices. I was a bit disillusioned by the references to consuming alcohol and eating meat. To my knowledge, those are not typical Buddhist practices. Again, no expert here. I also got turned off by the bashing and hate language regarding a former president....also not very Buddhist seeming in my opinion.

[Samantha]

I had the opportunity to read this ARC thanks to a Goodreads Giveaway.

This was a DNF for me. As this book is about someone’s personal journey through life the most I am comfortable with saying is that I found it too hard to get invested in the story. This book would likely be best suited to someone familiar with the author and interested in Buddhism and North America.

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard for me to believe, but Buddhism in the US is a phenomenon of my life time. Alan Watts can be credited with laying the foundation for Buddhism in the US in the late 1940's, the beat generation took Buddhism to heart, with Ginsberg and Kerouac as its literary spokesmen in the 50's. There was a Zen Temple in San Francisco in 1958 when Shunryu Suzuki arrived, but it was not well run, or very popular. Suzuki began sitting with a small group, and in less than a year founded the San Francisco Zen Center, and by 1966 founded Tassajara with Richard Baker. Zen was growing. In 1970, "Zen Mind, Beginners Mind" was published and all things Zen really began to take off. Suzuki died in 1971. San Francisco Zen, or West Coast Zen, if you will, has been the practice of poets and artists who have helped give Zen a touch of romance with its spirituality.

Helen Tworkov was around for much of this, studied in the US and Japan, and was eventually taken with Tibetan Buddhism. The first Tibetan Buddhist monastery was founded in 1958, and the US was ripe for Tibetan Buddhism by the time Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and his followers founded the Naropa Institute in 1974.

Lotus Girl is Helen Tworkov's memoir of growing up Buddhist, and the story of her attraction and practice in the Tibetan traditions both in Tibet, and the US. Tworkov has been deeply involved in the history of Buddhism in the US, and American Buddhism, be it Zen, Tibetan, Theravada, or any other form have all intersected in Tworkov's life, and she's appreciative of it all.

Lotus Girl is history, gossip, and technique, sometimes rollicking, other times profound, and it's an important book in the history of Buddhism in America - a recent happening, and the more interesting for the fact that the O.G.s are still with us. Helen is one, and she knows the others.

[David Guy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The subtitle of Tworkov’s memoir is apt: she has lived her life at that crossroads ever since, at the age of 20, she saw the famous photograph of a Vietnamese monk self-immolating in protest of the way the monks were being treated in Vietnam. She was amazed at the thought of someone sitting there calmly as he burned to death. She traveled first to India, then Vietnam, and finally to Japan, trying to understand these cultures and their connection to Buddhism. For a time she practiced in the Tibetan tradition, with the Tibetan exiles that she met in India. Later she practiced with Maezumi Roshi in L.A., and wrote an important book about Zen practice, Zen in America, with profiles of five American-born priests who were then practicing Zen. In later life she’s moved back to Tibetan practice, and studied with Mingyur Rinpoche, helping him with his books.
In the meantime she met virtually everyone in American Buddhism. She didn’t set out to do that; her paths just crossed with those of other people. In the early nineties she and Rick Fields got the idea for a magazine about Buddhism; he eventually pulled out of the project, but she became the founding editor of Tricycle: The Buddhist Review for many years, and actually formed the vision for the magazine and gave it its high standards.
Tworkov composes her memoir in short, beautifully written vignettes, which are much richer than I can convey in a small space. If Buddhism in America interests you, as it does me, you’ll want to read Lotus Girl.

[Amanda]

DNF at 46%

I am simply not the right audience for this memoir. While Helen Tworkov certainly has an interesting story, I could not connect with her writing. Her immigrant background and eastern experiences were what drew me to read her book, but I’m ultimately leading a very different life than hers and don’t find much to keep me interested in her journey.

Here’s what I liked in the first half: Her blunt way of telling her own story is refreshing. I think so many people idealize their childhoods in a way that feels so unrealistic to me. But Tworkov didn’t shy away from the toughness of her childhood, and I appreciated that. She also didn’t try to hide her discomfort in the places and experiences she was pursuing in her adulthood. Socially, I suppose we’ve been taught to mask our discomfort, but her discomfort is clearly part of her story.

If you are interested in or curious about Buddhism or the path from a western mindset to an eastern one, this book might be a good fit for you.

*thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for an eARC of this book in exchange for my honest review*

[Barbara Rhine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, the main reason I valued this book enough to read it slowly is that it was recommended by a Buddhist sangha sister and friend, who died suddenly and recently. So reading "The Lotus Girl" was like having Judith at my side. Having said that I found the book long and a bit tedious at times. Yet by the final third it had me entranced. Tworkov does not idealize her own involvement with (primarily) Tibetan Buddhism as it arrived in America. Nor does she idolize the teachers. But Buddhism gives her the opportunity to make her own way, out of the limited culture that enveloped American white women from the 1950's, not to mention the Buddhist world that limited women's involvement altogether. Tworkov emerged without children, with only a brief marriage, and with a profound, subtle and nuanced inner life. By the end of this book, her observations on the bardos and aging and death are not pat, but instead elucidating. If you are fascinated with the now fashionable American Buddhism, this is a book for you.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this memoir. As an aging white woman who is also a convert Buddhist, I found so much practical relevance and spiritual inspiration in this story. I loved learning about the foundations of Buddhism in the US and its evolution through many of the same teachers and lineages I ve followed.

I appreciated the author's honesty about her own struggles and her vulnerability in finding meaning in life within a culture that embraces "perilous materialism" and "treats its elderly like any other piece of junk that no longer works."

I ended this read reluctantly. I feel like I made a new, wise friend and mentor. But as the author reminds us, this too shall pass.

[Curtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I'm probably a little biased because I've been interested in Buddhism for a long time and her book Zen in America had a big impact on me when I came across it in Bodh Gaya in 1996. I also really enjoyed In Love with the World, the book she co-wrote with Mingyur Rinpoche. When I read some of the early reviews on here I got a little worried I wouldn't enjoy it but I could barely put it down. It's pretty remarkable how many great teachers and artists she worked with and her writing is superb.

[Alan Wilkerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A raw and uncompromising life searching for the dharma!

Brutal and unflinching honesty... Helen lived the journey we all are trying to live. She was the fulcrum to the introduction of the many sects of Buddhism in America! And Tricycle in general... I applaud her strength and tenacity and unwavering faith in her search for enlightenment! I am reminded of a Shunryu Suzuki Quote: “Strictly speaking, there are no enlightened people, there is only enlightened activity.” Helen's life journey is the perfect example of that...
Thank you Helen for this picture of the path!

[Deborah · Rating 5 out of 5]

as a younger version of her mind on a wisdom journey, I can vouch for the teachers, the views of many offered here, her deep insight and honesty.
The authenticity and historical and contemporary context gives the reader a unique and beneficial landscape to view and process buddhism in America. Really glad I found this -- now have a larger and greater appreciation for her Tricycle magazine enterprise; it's A superb magazine and is now enhanced by knowing its seed, birthing and maturity.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had I not had the opportunity to hear other people’s reflections on this book in my book group, I probably would’ve given it two stars. The last chapters were the best on the bardo’s. I didn’t recognize most of the names that she referred to nor the locations. At times, it felt like she was enjoying name dropping.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book from the beginning, then tonight I read the last 50+ pages. The author amazingly, breathtakingly, brilliantly brought everything together in these last chapters devoted to aging, dying, bardo states. I highly recommend it for those who have a moderate or more background in Buddhism.

[Maryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating memoir of Helen Twrokkov's journey into Buddhism in America through the 1960s to the present. Perhaps she is best known as the founding editor of Tricycle:The Buddhist Review, the first independent Buddhist magazine. The final chapters on The Bardos, including the Bardo of Old Age were particularly meaningful.

[Jane Banning · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF. Halfway through and not finding the spiritual insights she gained. Lots of name-dropping over and over. I am sorry not to love this book.

[Richard Snow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it for the history of Buddhism in the USA since the 1960's, the contemporary art figures, and many interesting observations.

[Connie Kronlokken]

I enjoyed this story by the woman who started “Tricycle”, the magazine covering Buddhist news, appreciating her intelligence and the experiences adjacent to mine.

[Brent · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.8

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read this year. So wonderful. Thank you Lotus girl 💕

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fabulous memoir!

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, an enjoyable read.