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560 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2004

“If I hadn’t met you, I would have lived more purposefully. I would have applied myself to my studies, dated a black-haired maiden, and relished every moment of my untarnished student life. That’s right. I’m sure of it.”
Ozu, who at first was about as talkative as a god of death standing at your bedside, began giving an impassioned lecture about breasts. A deep debate about whether the breasts we see actually exist or not ensued, and after quantum mechanics entered the discussion, Master Higuchi made the profound observation that “it doesn’t matter whether they exist or not—it’s whether you believe in them or not,” which was about the time I lost consciousness.
Standing next to Mister Higuchi was a creepy fellow with a terribly inauspicious-looking face. At first I thought he was a messenger from hell only I, with my heightened sensitivities, could see.
"My name's Ozu. Nice to meet you," he said. [...]
Ozu, who at first was about as talkative as a god of death standing at your bedside, began giving an impassioned lecture about breasts. A deep debate about whether the breasts we see actually exist or not ensued, and after quantum mechanics entered the discussion, Master Higuchi made the profound observation that "it doesn't matter whether they exist or not - it's whether you believe in them or not," which was about the time I lost consciousness.
This is how I became Master Higuchi's disciple and how I met Ozu.
What sort of disciple was I, you ask? It goes without saying that even after two years that never became clear.