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I'll Quit When I'm Dead: A Novel
In this page-turning, provocative horror novel, two desperate souls attempt to turn their lives around, with nightmarish consequences if they fail.
Madison has seen better days. Reeling from a bad breakup, self-soothing with junk food, and totally consumed by her lack of direction, she’s in need of a big reset. When she runs into an old acquaintance at the gym, Madison is shocked by how fit they’ve suddenly become. The cause? An all-female fitness boot camp led by ex-military guru Ellie Fellowes. The course is characterized by grueling reps and minimal contact with the outside world, and when Madison signs up to experience it herself, something doesn’t feel right. The other students keep acting strangely; Ellie seems almost superhuman, and her intense motivational methods are becoming bizarre, even dangerous. But Madison is getting results. How can she stop now?
Musician Johnny Blake has been struggling with a pain pill addiction after a very public, very bad fall. At the encouragement of loved ones, he retreats to a secluded cottage to detox. But Johnny isn’t alone. Something is lurking in the shadows of his new home—a creature unnatural and hungry, one that traps Johnny in a frightening bargain. If Johnny doesn’t stay off his pills and keep his end of the deal, he will be eaten alive.
As Madison and Johnny’s predicaments spiral into the unthinkable, they will have to look within to find the true and terrifying answer to the age-old How badly do you want it?
Nerve-shredding and compulsively readable, I’ll Quit When I’m Dead marks Luke Smitherd as a major voice in horror to watch.
Madison has seen better days. Reeling from a bad breakup, self-soothing with junk food, and totally consumed by her lack of direction, she’s in need of a big reset. When she runs into an old acquaintance at the gym, Madison is shocked by how fit they’ve suddenly become. The cause? An all-female fitness boot camp led by ex-military guru Ellie Fellowes. The course is characterized by grueling reps and minimal contact with the outside world, and when Madison signs up to experience it herself, something doesn’t feel right. The other students keep acting strangely; Ellie seems almost superhuman, and her intense motivational methods are becoming bizarre, even dangerous. But Madison is getting results. How can she stop now?
Musician Johnny Blake has been struggling with a pain pill addiction after a very public, very bad fall. At the encouragement of loved ones, he retreats to a secluded cottage to detox. But Johnny isn’t alone. Something is lurking in the shadows of his new home—a creature unnatural and hungry, one that traps Johnny in a frightening bargain. If Johnny doesn’t stay off his pills and keep his end of the deal, he will be eaten alive.
As Madison and Johnny’s predicaments spiral into the unthinkable, they will have to look within to find the true and terrifying answer to the age-old How badly do you want it?
Nerve-shredding and compulsively readable, I’ll Quit When I’m Dead marks Luke Smitherd as a major voice in horror to watch.
Audible Audio
First published October 14, 2025
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About the author
Luke Smitherd
32 books588 followersLuke Smitherd is the author of The Stone Man (shortlisted for Audible Book of the Year 2015) and its sequels as well as several other novels. A former singer and guitarist, he now writes full time, hosts the comedy music-discussion show Cracker Juice, and performs around Los Angeles as a stand-up comic. He divides his time between the United States and the United Kingdom.
www.lukesmitherd.com
www.lukesmitherd.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 92 reviews
June 23, 2025
OMG! OMG! OMG! This book is an absolute hidden gem and a terrifyingly brilliant surprise that had me gripping the pages in sheer suspense! The psychological horror elements tap into the kind of deep, unsettling fears we don’t even realize we have, making for a story that lingers long after the final page. Madison and Johnny are two of the most flawed yet incredibly real characters I’ve read in a long time—both struggling in ways that make them painfully relatable, yet impossible to look away from.
Madison’s journey into the world of a grueling fitness boot camp starts off as a chance at reinvention, but quickly warps into something far more sinister. The eerie atmosphere, the cult-like mentality of the program, and the slow, creeping realization that something is very, very wrong had me on edge the entire time. Meanwhile, Johnny’s battle with addiction takes a horrifying turn as he’s forced into a nightmarish deal that preys on his every weakness. His desperation, the suffocating isolation, and the terrifying presence in his secluded retreat create a tense, claustrophobic dread that only intensifies as the story unfolds.
What makes this book truly exceptional is how it blends psychological torment with outright horror, making you question what’s real, what’s imagined, and just how far someone will go when backed into a corner. The pacing is relentless, the tension is razor-sharp, and the twists are both unexpected and utterly chilling. I won’t spoil how it all comes together, but let’s just say—this book is a ride you won’t see coming.
If you’re a fan of stories that shake you to your core and keep you up at night, this is a must-read. A massive thank you to NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company | Mulholland Books for providing me with a digital reviewer copy of this incredibly unique and deeply unsettling novel. You won’t want to miss this one!
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Madison’s journey into the world of a grueling fitness boot camp starts off as a chance at reinvention, but quickly warps into something far more sinister. The eerie atmosphere, the cult-like mentality of the program, and the slow, creeping realization that something is very, very wrong had me on edge the entire time. Meanwhile, Johnny’s battle with addiction takes a horrifying turn as he’s forced into a nightmarish deal that preys on his every weakness. His desperation, the suffocating isolation, and the terrifying presence in his secluded retreat create a tense, claustrophobic dread that only intensifies as the story unfolds.
What makes this book truly exceptional is how it blends psychological torment with outright horror, making you question what’s real, what’s imagined, and just how far someone will go when backed into a corner. The pacing is relentless, the tension is razor-sharp, and the twists are both unexpected and utterly chilling. I won’t spoil how it all comes together, but let’s just say—this book is a ride you won’t see coming.
If you’re a fan of stories that shake you to your core and keep you up at night, this is a must-read. A massive thank you to NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company | Mulholland Books for providing me with a digital reviewer copy of this incredibly unique and deeply unsettling novel. You won’t want to miss this one!
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May 21, 2025
I have absolutely no idea how to rate or review this book. It's well-written and the premise is original and intriguing, and for once I don't think that the blurb calling the author a “major voice in horror to watch” is exaggerating. I'd happily read more of his books (depending on the subject matter) and I hope that this one does extremely well.
At the same time, however, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead is just not my type of horror at all. Madison's timeline in particular was rough for me. It started out super interesting and I was so curious as to where things were headed, but I have a really hard time with the whole “awful manipulative person does awful manipulative person things under the guise of being helpful” type of horror, and I also don't really like realistic violence in my novels. Slasher reads? Eh, whatever, they don't bother me at all. Even gore is fine. But the abusive violence that takes place in this book? Can't do it. I mean, I suppose I did do it and I read the entire thing, but I was super uncomfortable the whole time. Also, Madison is kind of dumb and there's an animal death.
Johnny's timeline, on the other hand, focuses more on the supernatural side of horror. There's a boggart and it's very, very creepy. It's an unsettling juxtaposition going back and forth between “an evil creature wants to eat you” and “whatever-in-the-Mommie-Dearest Madison's timeline is,” but I did think that the way the two timelines eventually converge is quite original and clever.
Trigger warnings include: violence, abuse (both psychological and physical), animal death, addiction, and, um, boggarts?
My overall rating? Let's say 4.25 stars for the writing, 2 stars for Madison's timeline and 3.4 stars for Johnny's. If I can math (and I often can't so take this rating with a grain of salt), that gives us 3.22 stars, rounded down. Seems fair.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Mulholland Books for providing me with an advance copy of this book to review. Its expected publication date is October 14, 2025.
At the same time, however, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead is just not my type of horror at all. Madison's timeline in particular was rough for me. It started out super interesting and I was so curious as to where things were headed, but I have a really hard time with the whole “awful manipulative person does awful manipulative person things under the guise of being helpful” type of horror, and I also don't really like realistic violence in my novels. Slasher reads? Eh, whatever, they don't bother me at all. Even gore is fine. But the abusive violence that takes place in this book? Can't do it. I mean, I suppose I did do it and I read the entire thing, but I was super uncomfortable the whole time. Also, Madison is kind of dumb and there's an animal death.
Johnny's timeline, on the other hand, focuses more on the supernatural side of horror. There's a boggart and it's very, very creepy. It's an unsettling juxtaposition going back and forth between “an evil creature wants to eat you” and “whatever-in-the-Mommie-Dearest Madison's timeline is,” but I did think that the way the two timelines eventually converge is quite original and clever.
Trigger warnings include: violence, abuse (both psychological and physical), animal death, addiction, and, um, boggarts?
My overall rating? Let's say 4.25 stars for the writing, 2 stars for Madison's timeline and 3.4 stars for Johnny's. If I can math (and I often can't so take this rating with a grain of salt), that gives us 3.22 stars, rounded down. Seems fair.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Mulholland Books for providing me with an advance copy of this book to review. Its expected publication date is October 14, 2025.
October 24, 2025
I’ve never read a book structured this way. There are 2 stories happening at the same time. One for Madison and one for Johnny. The Madison “thriller” story was wonderful… however, I feel we could have done without Johnny’s “fantasy” story as it felt out of place! 5 Stars for the Madison story and 3 Stars for the Johnny story!
April 23, 2025
ARC for review. To be published October 14, 2025.
3 stars, but torn. Definitely 3.5 stars for Madison’s story, 1 star for Johnny’s.
Madison has been through a big breakup, she is eating her feelings (hey, I’m doing that right now! Cheers, Madison!) and she needs to get her life back on track. She runs into an old friend at the gym and can’t believe her transformation. The friend tells her about an all-women bootcamp led by Ellie Fellowes. Now, allow me to say, I did one of these all-women boot camps for awhile. At 5 a.m. That’s in the morning. I was practically the worst one there; these girls ran marathons on the weekends. I was never coordinated enough to do burpees. I was such a failure. But I digress.
Ellie’s military-style group is extremely intense and allows almost no contact with the outside world. Madison signs up and heads for Vermont. It feels weird, Ellie seems too powerful and the other students are acting strangely. But it’s working.
Meanwhile, Johnny Blake is a musician who has been struggling with addiction. He heads to a cottage to do a detox, but something is lurking there….and it is going to eat Johnny if he doesn’t stay sober.
So, these are two completely different stories with only the thinnest nexus (you’ll know it, but it doesn’t really matter.) I really enjoyed Madison’s story, but, boy, did I loathe Johnny. Hated every action he took and every thought he thunk. Ugh. Made this one hard to rate overall.
3 stars, but torn. Definitely 3.5 stars for Madison’s story, 1 star for Johnny’s.
Madison has been through a big breakup, she is eating her feelings (hey, I’m doing that right now! Cheers, Madison!) and she needs to get her life back on track. She runs into an old friend at the gym and can’t believe her transformation. The friend tells her about an all-women bootcamp led by Ellie Fellowes. Now, allow me to say, I did one of these all-women boot camps for awhile. At 5 a.m. That’s in the morning. I was practically the worst one there; these girls ran marathons on the weekends. I was never coordinated enough to do burpees. I was such a failure. But I digress.
Ellie’s military-style group is extremely intense and allows almost no contact with the outside world. Madison signs up and heads for Vermont. It feels weird, Ellie seems too powerful and the other students are acting strangely. But it’s working.
Meanwhile, Johnny Blake is a musician who has been struggling with addiction. He heads to a cottage to do a detox, but something is lurking there….and it is going to eat Johnny if he doesn’t stay sober.
So, these are two completely different stories with only the thinnest nexus (you’ll know it, but it doesn’t really matter.) I really enjoyed Madison’s story, but, boy, did I loathe Johnny. Hated every action he took and every thought he thunk. Ugh. Made this one hard to rate overall.
June 5, 2025
This book is publishing in October just in time for spooky season. This was a fun read for me, I thought it was intriguing from the synopsis and was thrilled when I received the approval. Thank you NetGalley and Mulholland Books for the eARC in exchange for my review.
The story follows two main characters, Johnny and Madison who are both struggling with their own monsters/personal demons. This book is more psychological horror then anything with some some supernatural elements and body horror. Honestly this book was completely unpredictable in the best possible way and I ate it up. Such a fun read!!
The story follows two main characters, Johnny and Madison who are both struggling with their own monsters/personal demons. This book is more psychological horror then anything with some some supernatural elements and body horror. Honestly this book was completely unpredictable in the best possible way and I ate it up. Such a fun read!!
November 7, 2025
3 Stars for this unique tale
A woman seeking a life reset joins an extreme, isolated fitness bootcamp where the guru's methods turn bizarre and dangerous. Simultaneously, a musician detoxing from addiction in a secluded cottage is hunted by an unnatural creature that makes him a terrifying bargain. Both must survive their nightmarish trials to find the true answer to "How badly do you want it?"
This novel had some ups, and downs for me, to say the least. The synopsis seemed uniquely original, and I was particularly drawn to Madison's storyline. I empathized with her journey of self-discovery and growth. Her desire for self-improvement and the very real frustration of feeling stagnant in life are universal struggles; who among us hasn't felt that way? As a former fitness enthusiast myself, I found a personal connection in her commitment to a wellness journey, which added another layer of depth to her character arc. The exercises, especially the 'hard corrections' Ellie doled out at the retreat truly had me biting my nails and at the edge of my seat in shock and anticipation! I was truly captivated, needing to know how this arc would develop.
I was also drawn to Johnny, a struggling musician battling addiction and found myself intrigued by his mysterious decision to move to that specific house and neighborhood, and was eager to uncover the underlying reasons for his choice. Initially, I was all-in, especially when the Boggart was introduced, making for some incredibly nightmare-fuel, creepy scenes - especially if you have a fear of spiders! Unfortunately, the pacing faltered in the second half and I started to lose interest. Johnny's arc felt a tad directionless and leaned a little bit too heavily into fantasy for my taste (any more than that would spoil) and the two plots felt entirely disparate for 99% of the book, creating a fairly confusing and disjointed experience that detracted from the overall rating. I actually started skimming through Johnny's chapters towards to end, just wanting to get to the finish line for the reward. Sadly, after everything was revealed, I felt disappointed in the promise of what could have been more than anything else. I believe better execution in weaving these threads together, or simply focusing solely on Madison's story, would have improved the novel significantly.
This was undoubtedly an interesting first read from this author, and while it didn't quite reach its' full potential this time around, the raw talent and brilliant moments in this book suggest great things are on the horizon. I will definitely be back for more!
A woman seeking a life reset joins an extreme, isolated fitness bootcamp where the guru's methods turn bizarre and dangerous. Simultaneously, a musician detoxing from addiction in a secluded cottage is hunted by an unnatural creature that makes him a terrifying bargain. Both must survive their nightmarish trials to find the true answer to "How badly do you want it?"
This novel had some ups, and downs for me, to say the least. The synopsis seemed uniquely original, and I was particularly drawn to Madison's storyline. I empathized with her journey of self-discovery and growth. Her desire for self-improvement and the very real frustration of feeling stagnant in life are universal struggles; who among us hasn't felt that way? As a former fitness enthusiast myself, I found a personal connection in her commitment to a wellness journey, which added another layer of depth to her character arc. The exercises, especially the 'hard corrections' Ellie doled out at the retreat truly had me biting my nails and at the edge of my seat in shock and anticipation! I was truly captivated, needing to know how this arc would develop.
I was also drawn to Johnny, a struggling musician battling addiction and found myself intrigued by his mysterious decision to move to that specific house and neighborhood, and was eager to uncover the underlying reasons for his choice. Initially, I was all-in, especially when the Boggart was introduced, making for some incredibly nightmare-fuel, creepy scenes - especially if you have a fear of spiders! Unfortunately, the pacing faltered in the second half and I started to lose interest. Johnny's arc felt a tad directionless and leaned a little bit too heavily into fantasy for my taste (any more than that would spoil) and the two plots felt entirely disparate for 99% of the book, creating a fairly confusing and disjointed experience that detracted from the overall rating. I actually started skimming through Johnny's chapters towards to end, just wanting to get to the finish line for the reward. Sadly, after everything was revealed, I felt disappointed in the promise of what could have been more than anything else. I believe better execution in weaving these threads together, or simply focusing solely on Madison's story, would have improved the novel significantly.
This was undoubtedly an interesting first read from this author, and while it didn't quite reach its' full potential this time around, the raw talent and brilliant moments in this book suggest great things are on the horizon. I will definitely be back for more!
October 25, 2025
Toen ik deze voorbij zag komen was ik gelijk geïntrigeerd. De cover spreekt behoorlijk tot de verbeelding. Prachtige kleuren en een klauw als land. Deed me denken aan een Stephen King cover. Dus uiteraard wilde ik deze graag lezen. Een auteur die voor mij onbekend is maakte het extra interessant. Ik hou er van om nieuwe auteurs te leren kennen.
Een ideaal boek voor spooky season. Donker en duister, bovennatuurlijke aspecten en monsters. Maar ook heftige menselijke aspecten als jezelf verbeteren en motiveren, jezelf verliezen, afkicken en vertrouwen spelen een rol.
Vanaf het begin zat ik er in. Vertelt vanuit 2 POVs.
In het begin vraag je je af waar het allemaal naar toe gaat en hoe het allemaal samen zal gaan komen. Een bizar verhaal waar je wel voor open moet staan. Psychologische spelletjes en manipulaties komen volop aan bod.
Een bizar verrassend en erg origineel verhaal. Het zit goed in elkaar met interessante wendingen. Je zit op het puntje van je stoel en wilt graag verder lezen om te zien waar alles toe leidt en tot welke ontknoping het leidt. Een fijne schrijfstijl. Ondanks de soms bizarre scènes zie je het voor je.
Een boek voor mensen die van Stephen King houden en voor wie bovennatuurlijke onderwerpen geen belemmering zijn. Heerlijk freaky en weird. Ga er met een open mind in, zou ik zeggen.
Ik hoop in ieder geval nog iets van deze auteur te mogen lezen. Ik hou er wel van.
Een ideaal boek voor spooky season. Donker en duister, bovennatuurlijke aspecten en monsters. Maar ook heftige menselijke aspecten als jezelf verbeteren en motiveren, jezelf verliezen, afkicken en vertrouwen spelen een rol.
Vanaf het begin zat ik er in. Vertelt vanuit 2 POVs.
In het begin vraag je je af waar het allemaal naar toe gaat en hoe het allemaal samen zal gaan komen. Een bizar verhaal waar je wel voor open moet staan. Psychologische spelletjes en manipulaties komen volop aan bod.
Een bizar verrassend en erg origineel verhaal. Het zit goed in elkaar met interessante wendingen. Je zit op het puntje van je stoel en wilt graag verder lezen om te zien waar alles toe leidt en tot welke ontknoping het leidt. Een fijne schrijfstijl. Ondanks de soms bizarre scènes zie je het voor je.
Een boek voor mensen die van Stephen King houden en voor wie bovennatuurlijke onderwerpen geen belemmering zijn. Heerlijk freaky en weird. Ga er met een open mind in, zou ik zeggen.
Ik hoop in ieder geval nog iets van deze auteur te mogen lezen. Ik hou er wel van.
June 23, 2025
I just want to give a shout out to the person I follow on instagram who posted this book in her upcoming book releases to watch out for list! The cover caught my eye and I was lucky enough to snag a gifted copy on netgalley, and I ended up really enjoying it! I wish I could remember your name but thank you anyway 😆🙏🏻
This is my first book by this author and definitely won’t be the last!
“I’ll quit when I’m dead” is a masterpiece of Psychogical horror, there are elements in the story that really get under your skin with their realism and psychological components and it’s definitely one that sticks with you long after you’ve finished reading.
Expect to be up all night unable to put the book down but I do recommend keeping on your lights after dark because it gets super creepy 😆😆
Thank you to Luke Smitherd, Mulholland books and little brown and company for the arc!
Publishes: October 14th for spooky season
This is my first book by this author and definitely won’t be the last!
“I’ll quit when I’m dead” is a masterpiece of Psychogical horror, there are elements in the story that really get under your skin with their realism and psychological components and it’s definitely one that sticks with you long after you’ve finished reading.
Expect to be up all night unable to put the book down but I do recommend keeping on your lights after dark because it gets super creepy 😆😆
Thank you to Luke Smitherd, Mulholland books and little brown and company for the arc!
Publishes: October 14th for spooky season
October 1, 2025
2.5 🌟
This book was very well written but the direction of the story was very weird. This book had two completely different stories. One story was supernatural, featuring a man unknowingly making a deal with a Boggart. If Johnny, who is an addict, takes painkillers ever again then he will be consumed by the Boggart. His storyline twists into something incredibly unsatisfying.
The other storyline follows Madison who joins a weird boot camp to become a better self but it turns into just straight up abuse.
The very last sentence shows you how their lives are intertwined but if you blink you’ll miss it, however it doesn’t matter because it’s meaningless. Pretty disappointed with this story taking into consideration how invested I was in the first half.
This book was very well written but the direction of the story was very weird. This book had two completely different stories. One story was supernatural, featuring a man unknowingly making a deal with a Boggart. If Johnny, who is an addict, takes painkillers ever again then he will be consumed by the Boggart. His storyline twists into something incredibly unsatisfying.
The other storyline follows Madison who joins a weird boot camp to become a better self but it turns into just straight up abuse.
The very last sentence shows you how their lives are intertwined but if you blink you’ll miss it, however it doesn’t matter because it’s meaningless. Pretty disappointed with this story taking into consideration how invested I was in the first half.
October 15, 2025
This book was definitely a page turner. It was addicting, I had to keep reading and didn’t want to put it down. I had to know what was coming next. A perfect book for spooky season. There were a few times I had to stop reading at night 😅. We get two stories in one book! I loved going back and forth from the POV of Madison to Johnny. Enjoyed this one! Thank you to NetGalley, Mulholland Books, Little Brown and Company and Luke Smithers for an eARC of this book! My first read from this author and definitely won’t be my last!
April 4, 2025
“I’ll Quit When I’m Dead” was a really great horror fictional book! It also gave major psychological thriller vibes! This book was hard to put down and got me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. This was the first book that I have read by the author. The characters Johnny and Madison both struggle in completely different ways, yet both of them are equally understandable and relatable. Not only is this book mind boggling, it also comes with a dash of dark humor in it as well. These characters had a lot of depth to them!
This book is about Johnny struggling with drug addiction and Madison struggling with depression. These characters felt very real to me and I honestly cared about them and felt what all they were going through while reading this! It is captivating, thought provoking and had balanced perspectives! Be sure to read the trigger warnings before reading this. If you love a good psychological thriller horror book, this one is for you! Overall, I give this book a 4.5 out of 5 stars!
Thank you to NetGalley, author Luke Smitherd and Little, Brown and Company | Mulholland Books for this digital advanced reader’s copy in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
This book is expected to be published on October 14, 2025!
This book is about Johnny struggling with drug addiction and Madison struggling with depression. These characters felt very real to me and I honestly cared about them and felt what all they were going through while reading this! It is captivating, thought provoking and had balanced perspectives! Be sure to read the trigger warnings before reading this. If you love a good psychological thriller horror book, this one is for you! Overall, I give this book a 4.5 out of 5 stars!
Thank you to NetGalley, author Luke Smitherd and Little, Brown and Company | Mulholland Books for this digital advanced reader’s copy in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
This book is expected to be published on October 14, 2025!
October 11, 2025
3.5 stars. This book is doing like 25% too much, but also it's one of the more interesting horror novels I've read in a long time. It's certainly doing its own thing, and I have to give it a lot of credit when so much horror these days feels repetitive. I love a book that is unexpected, and for so much of the time that's exactly what we have here.
At first I was drawn in by the stark differences between these two plots. What on earth do Madison and Johnny have in common? Why are these stories connected? For a while we get a kind of explanation, though one that doesn't entirely fit, but ultimately this works out. (I wish the way it all ties together had a bit more emotional oomph, it gets a bit lost in the too much of the Madison story climax, but I'll get to that.) The contrast of the stories is part of what keeps this a page turner. I was always ready to go back to one after a chapter of the other, to go from Madison's real world to Johnny's bizarre alternate universe. Even when it is just two different things stitched together, it somehow works.
But the hardest thing about this approach is when your two stories start to get out of sync. There's some really fantastic turns in Johnny's story, the worldbuilding and the slow roll and the fantastic monsters are all so well done. There's several excellent turns of the plot, but it loses steam near the end. Meanwhile, Madison's story which is supposed to be in the real world always feels a little bananas, you can't think too hard about it, and while I get what he's going for in how you don't know what is real or who to trust, it just doesn't land. The pacing of Madison's story is great, just increasing the tension at a steady clip, but I was well past no longer buying it by the big finish.
Luckily we get a nice bow tied at the end that actually did work, a rarity in horror.
There are some clunky sections here, some places where movement through time could have been handled more smoothly or exposition gets too obvious. Just a few times where I think the way the story is told could have been better with some different perspectives or more efficiency. But Smitherd is clearly someone with really interesting ideas. And it's hard to write a story like Johnny's about addiction that doesn't feel like it's just hitting you on the head with its themes. Somehow Johnny's story here is straightforward but the addiction piece feels like just a part of a larger whole, which saves it.
Certainly a worthwhile read and one I enjoyed a lot.
At first I was drawn in by the stark differences between these two plots. What on earth do Madison and Johnny have in common? Why are these stories connected? For a while we get a kind of explanation, though one that doesn't entirely fit, but ultimately this works out. (I wish the way it all ties together had a bit more emotional oomph, it gets a bit lost in the too much of the Madison story climax, but I'll get to that.) The contrast of the stories is part of what keeps this a page turner. I was always ready to go back to one after a chapter of the other, to go from Madison's real world to Johnny's bizarre alternate universe. Even when it is just two different things stitched together, it somehow works.
But the hardest thing about this approach is when your two stories start to get out of sync. There's some really fantastic turns in Johnny's story, the worldbuilding and the slow roll and the fantastic monsters are all so well done. There's several excellent turns of the plot, but it loses steam near the end. Meanwhile, Madison's story which is supposed to be in the real world always feels a little bananas, you can't think too hard about it, and while I get what he's going for in how you don't know what is real or who to trust, it just doesn't land. The pacing of Madison's story is great, just increasing the tension at a steady clip, but I was well past no longer buying it by the big finish.
Luckily we get a nice bow tied at the end that actually did work, a rarity in horror.
There are some clunky sections here, some places where movement through time could have been handled more smoothly or exposition gets too obvious. Just a few times where I think the way the story is told could have been better with some different perspectives or more efficiency. But Smitherd is clearly someone with really interesting ideas. And it's hard to write a story like Johnny's about addiction that doesn't feel like it's just hitting you on the head with its themes. Somehow Johnny's story here is straightforward but the addiction piece feels like just a part of a larger whole, which saves it.
Certainly a worthwhile read and one I enjoyed a lot.
October 15, 2025
Well shit,
This one hit a little deeper for me. I know addiction. I know detox. And that made this story all the more chilling ... because beneath the horror, there’s a raw, uncomfortable truth about the lengths people will go just to feel “okay” again.
The book follows Madison, trying to rebuild her life after a brutal breakup, and Johnny, a musician battling pain pill addiction. Two lives falling apart, two desperate attempts to claw back control ....and both lead straight into darkness. Madison joins a boot camp that feels more cult than gym, and Johnny’s stuck in a cabin with something lurking in the shadows, waiting for him to slip.
Luke Smitherd nails that creeping dread. The horror isn’t just monsters ...it’s obsession, compulsion, and the voices that whisper one more time won’t hurt. It’s sharp, psychological, and uncomfortably real.
thriller tension, the layered characters, and how it captures that brutal inner war between wanting to quit and wanting relief. Creepy, smart, and way too relatable.
Thank you so so much @lukesmitherdyall @mulhollandbooks & @littlebrown for this #gifted copy! I have to put this as one of my top books this year for multiple reasons! Thank you!
This one hit a little deeper for me. I know addiction. I know detox. And that made this story all the more chilling ... because beneath the horror, there’s a raw, uncomfortable truth about the lengths people will go just to feel “okay” again.
The book follows Madison, trying to rebuild her life after a brutal breakup, and Johnny, a musician battling pain pill addiction. Two lives falling apart, two desperate attempts to claw back control ....and both lead straight into darkness. Madison joins a boot camp that feels more cult than gym, and Johnny’s stuck in a cabin with something lurking in the shadows, waiting for him to slip.
Luke Smitherd nails that creeping dread. The horror isn’t just monsters ...it’s obsession, compulsion, and the voices that whisper one more time won’t hurt. It’s sharp, psychological, and uncomfortably real.
thriller tension, the layered characters, and how it captures that brutal inner war between wanting to quit and wanting relief. Creepy, smart, and way too relatable.
Thank you so so much @lukesmitherdyall @mulhollandbooks & @littlebrown for this #gifted copy! I have to put this as one of my top books this year for multiple reasons! Thank you!
November 16, 2025
Origineel maar niet helemaal mijn verhaal. Ik kreeg helaas geen band met de personages. Eerste 50% gebeurde er niet veel waardoor ik sneller afgeleid raakte. Ik raad hem wel aan. Gezien veel mensen enorm enthousiast zijn ☺️
November 20, 2025
3,5 ⭐️
Recensie volgt nog...
Recensie volgt nog...
October 11, 2025
Madison is feeling lost, with no sense of purpose or control over her life. She wants to be stronger, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. It is for this reason she commits herself to a month-long course of strenuous activities with the risk of harsh punishments if she fails to complete the assigned tasks.
"With your permission, I'd like to slap you in the face."
Johnny became addicted to painkillers after an injury. Rather than go to rehab, he plans to detox in a secluded cottage owned by a friend who wants to help him. But this is no ordinary cottage. It lies in a thin place, where monstrous beings can and do easily slip through.
"Don't go into the shallows alone."
This psychological and supernatural horror is told from two points of view in separate plotlines that at first appear to have nothing to do with each other, but eventually converge in an ingenious way.
Chapters switch back and forth, from Johnny's supernatural alternate universe terror, to Madison's almost cult like situation with a small group of women that gets smaller and smaller as the activities they are forced to complete go from difficult, to dangerous, to deadly.
All in all this was a suspenseful and well written plot but I found it harder to relate to Johnny's reasoning than Madison's. Madison was in a fragile state and saw an acquaintance who had amazing results with this month-long course, which made her want to try it too. Johnny wanted to kick his drug addiction so badly, yet made the weird decision to skip proven rehab methods in order to force the supernatural aspects of the book.
For the majority of the time, this felt like reading two different books at once. I was more invested in Madison's story than Johnny's. I was probably at the halfway mark before I figured out how they were connected, which I thought was very clever because I usually figure these things out way too soon.
My thanks to Mulholland Books.
"With your permission, I'd like to slap you in the face."
Johnny became addicted to painkillers after an injury. Rather than go to rehab, he plans to detox in a secluded cottage owned by a friend who wants to help him. But this is no ordinary cottage. It lies in a thin place, where monstrous beings can and do easily slip through.
"Don't go into the shallows alone."
This psychological and supernatural horror is told from two points of view in separate plotlines that at first appear to have nothing to do with each other, but eventually converge in an ingenious way.
Chapters switch back and forth, from Johnny's supernatural alternate universe terror, to Madison's almost cult like situation with a small group of women that gets smaller and smaller as the activities they are forced to complete go from difficult, to dangerous, to deadly.
All in all this was a suspenseful and well written plot but I found it harder to relate to Johnny's reasoning than Madison's. Madison was in a fragile state and saw an acquaintance who had amazing results with this month-long course, which made her want to try it too. Johnny wanted to kick his drug addiction so badly, yet made the weird decision to skip proven rehab methods in order to force the supernatural aspects of the book.
For the majority of the time, this felt like reading two different books at once. I was more invested in Madison's story than Johnny's. I was probably at the halfway mark before I figured out how they were connected, which I thought was very clever because I usually figure these things out way too soon.
My thanks to Mulholland Books.
October 15, 2025
This book pulled me right out of my reading slump. It was one of my most anticipated reads and it did not disappoint. I loved how the different storylines kept me hooked the entire time, and it was so fun seeing what each character was getting into. A perfect spooky season read!
October 20, 2025
《4.5 ⭐️ rounded up to 5》
Madison just wanted a fresh start. After years of bad decisions, worse boyfriends, and a spiral of self-destruction, she signs up for an exclusive all female fitness retreat run by the charismatic ex-military trainer, Ellie Fellowes. The program promises total transformation of body, mind, and soul. But as Madison endures brutal workouts, sleepless nights, and strange rituals, she begins to suspect that Ellie's methods aren't just extreme... they're dangerous. And once you join the program, you don't simply walk away. Meanwhile, failed rockstar Johnny Blake is set to detox alone in a remote cottage, trying to kick his painkiller addiction and rebuild his life. But something is watching him. The hallucinations start small, a flicker of movement, a whisper in the dark, until he's forced to strike an impossible bargain with a force that knows every weakness he's ever had. Two people fighting for redemption, each haunted by their own demons, one physical, one supernatural, they find their path hurtling toward each other. Soon they each will discover salvation has a terrifying price.
I'll Quit When I'm Dead is the kind of book that grabs you by the throat and refuses to let go. Smitherd takes the obsession with "becoming your best self" and twists it into something terrifying. The dual stories of Madison's descent into a cult-like boot camp and Johnny's battle with his inner (and maybe not so inner) demons are equally addictive and chilling. It's part horror, part psychological thriller, and all razor edged commentary on the dark side of self-improvement. Disturbing, smart, and impossible to put down, this is a book that proves sometimes change really can kill you!
Thank you to NetGalley, Luke Smitherd, and Mulholland Books for both the eARC and physical copy! Publication date was October 14th, 2025.
Madison just wanted a fresh start. After years of bad decisions, worse boyfriends, and a spiral of self-destruction, she signs up for an exclusive all female fitness retreat run by the charismatic ex-military trainer, Ellie Fellowes. The program promises total transformation of body, mind, and soul. But as Madison endures brutal workouts, sleepless nights, and strange rituals, she begins to suspect that Ellie's methods aren't just extreme... they're dangerous. And once you join the program, you don't simply walk away. Meanwhile, failed rockstar Johnny Blake is set to detox alone in a remote cottage, trying to kick his painkiller addiction and rebuild his life. But something is watching him. The hallucinations start small, a flicker of movement, a whisper in the dark, until he's forced to strike an impossible bargain with a force that knows every weakness he's ever had. Two people fighting for redemption, each haunted by their own demons, one physical, one supernatural, they find their path hurtling toward each other. Soon they each will discover salvation has a terrifying price.
I'll Quit When I'm Dead is the kind of book that grabs you by the throat and refuses to let go. Smitherd takes the obsession with "becoming your best self" and twists it into something terrifying. The dual stories of Madison's descent into a cult-like boot camp and Johnny's battle with his inner (and maybe not so inner) demons are equally addictive and chilling. It's part horror, part psychological thriller, and all razor edged commentary on the dark side of self-improvement. Disturbing, smart, and impossible to put down, this is a book that proves sometimes change really can kill you!
Thank you to NetGalley, Luke Smitherd, and Mulholland Books for both the eARC and physical copy! Publication date was October 14th, 2025.
November 4, 2025
I’ll be honest, I'm someone who does not like to read reviews before diving into an advance copy as I worry they’ll skew my perception. Despite this, I broke my own rule and peeked at a few opinions before starting this one. Some said it was fantastic, others weren’t impressed, so I went in with zero expectations and a bit of reluctance.
To my surprise, I really enjoyed this book.
It features dual storylines, which can sometimes be frustrating... especially when I’m more invested in one and have to pause for the other. However... in this case, both stories were compelling and refreshingly unique. I found myself equally drawn to each lead character and the challenges they faced.
Without giving too much away (because this is definitely a book best experienced with minimal spoilers), I’ll say this: one storyline leans into psychological horror, while the other explores supernatural and cosmic horror. Both are executed well and offer a satisfying, eerie reading experience.
Overall, I give it a solid 3.5 stars(rounded up to 4).
Thank you to NetGalley, Luke Smitherd, and Mulholland Books for the opportunity to read and provide an unbiased review to this!
To my surprise, I really enjoyed this book.
It features dual storylines, which can sometimes be frustrating... especially when I’m more invested in one and have to pause for the other. However... in this case, both stories were compelling and refreshingly unique. I found myself equally drawn to each lead character and the challenges they faced.
Without giving too much away (because this is definitely a book best experienced with minimal spoilers), I’ll say this: one storyline leans into psychological horror, while the other explores supernatural and cosmic horror. Both are executed well and offer a satisfying, eerie reading experience.
Overall, I give it a solid 3.5 stars(rounded up to 4).
Thank you to NetGalley, Luke Smitherd, and Mulholland Books for the opportunity to read and provide an unbiased review to this!
October 11, 2025
Dit boek is echt perfect voor spooky season. Het boek bevat alles wat een spooky boek nodig heeft. Vanaf pagina 1 was ik al hooked en wou ik eigenlijk alleen nog maar verder lezen. Ik merkte dat ik zelf gedurende de dag nog aan het boek dacht.
Het boek bevat heftige onderwerpen, maar wel op een manier waardoor dat niet de overhand krijgt. Daardoor blijft het een spannende thriller, inplaats van een emotioneel beladen boek.
Ook vond ik de combinatie monsters en een elite trainingskamp erg slim bedacht. Op het eerste gezich lijken het twee random verhalen, maar ze komen heel goed samen. Zelfs zo erg dat het einde me eigenlijk nog verbaasd achterliet.
Ook het langzaam kwijtraken van de realiteit werd enorm goed neergezet. Je zag bepaalde personages stukje voor stukje afbrokkelen, waardoor ik eerder doorhad dan de personages dat er iets misging. Dat wat er misging en hoe hevig dit ging gebeuren zag ik niet aankomen. Ook werd ik overladen met plot twists en dat zag ik ook echt niet aankomen. Heel knap gedaan.
Het boek bevat heftige onderwerpen, maar wel op een manier waardoor dat niet de overhand krijgt. Daardoor blijft het een spannende thriller, inplaats van een emotioneel beladen boek.
Ook vond ik de combinatie monsters en een elite trainingskamp erg slim bedacht. Op het eerste gezich lijken het twee random verhalen, maar ze komen heel goed samen. Zelfs zo erg dat het einde me eigenlijk nog verbaasd achterliet.
Ook het langzaam kwijtraken van de realiteit werd enorm goed neergezet. Je zag bepaalde personages stukje voor stukje afbrokkelen, waardoor ik eerder doorhad dan de personages dat er iets misging. Dat wat er misging en hoe hevig dit ging gebeuren zag ik niet aankomen. Ook werd ik overladen met plot twists en dat zag ik ook echt niet aankomen. Heel knap gedaan.
August 4, 2025
This was a pretty delicious dark thriller. It was also my first book by Smitherd. And it definitely will not be my last.
Creepy, underlying dread, supernatural monsters, and the ever-present frenemy. Two totally different characters are out to improve their lives, but forces beyond them, dark forces, just don't want them to succeed.
This was so gripping and intriguing. I was dying to find out how these two stories would converge. My one and only issue: long chapters. They made the story feel like it was longer than it was, which stole from the thrill and suspense.
Creepy, underlying dread, supernatural monsters, and the ever-present frenemy. Two totally different characters are out to improve their lives, but forces beyond them, dark forces, just don't want them to succeed.
This was so gripping and intriguing. I was dying to find out how these two stories would converge. My one and only issue: long chapters. They made the story feel like it was longer than it was, which stole from the thrill and suspense.
October 22, 2025
Good, if somewhat underwhelming, effort from Smitherd about two separate protagonists in alternate storylines who each must undergo a vigorous adventure to survive. The stories appear to be unrelated at first, but the connection eventually becomes apparent. The book has several good moments but is rather inconsistent in keeping the reader engaged, as I found myself wandering here and there. There are also some annoying characters as well as the main female protagonist's bizarre obsession with Serena Williams. Pretty odd. Overall, I liked it enough, and it is well-written, just not as good as Smitherd's previous efforts.
March 25, 2025
4.5 stars rounded up. I loved this book! It follows two storylines. One is realistic, the other is supernatural. However, both stories give a constant sense of dread and a feeling that something is wrong, then something really bad happens, then the dread continues until something even worse happens. I loved it. The tension was there the whole time. There was never a lighthearted, comfortable moment, because that feeling of something being off was always lingering. Both stories had exciting endings with twists. I was fully invested in the storylines. I can't even pick which one I liked better. The characters were believable and I cared what happened to them. The pacing of the book was good and never lost my interest. I highly recommend this book to anyone who likes horror. I've had another book from this author on my TBR for a while, and after reading this, I will definitely be bumping it up. Thank you to Netgalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
November 5, 2025
The title and cover of this book actually screamed to me. I could not put this down. 2 days later and I'm still not sure how much I liked it.
This book follows the story of a woman, Madison, who signs up for a one month long wellness boot camp style retreat and a rock star addict, Johnny, battling the real life monster of his addiction, with each chapter jumping between them. It was it interesting setup, while you're trying to understand the characters you're also trying to understand why their stories are being told together.
As I am personally not somebody who would ever see the need to go to this style of boot camp (I have enough hell to go through on my own thank you very much), I didn't really connect with Madison or understand her motivation. I enjoyed the twists and turns, but I was a lot more caught up on Madison's story then on Johnny's, so every time Johnny's section came up I was just waiting to get back to Madison. Madison story felt so much more visceral and I could pretty much see where Johnny story was going so I wasn't nearly as invested.
Well the story is horrific I do feel like it fits more as a thriller than horror. It definitely kept me interested and continually questioning what the actual f*** is going on.
Final rating:
Madison story: 4 stars
Johnny's Story: 2 stars
Book Cover: All the stars - look at how pretty that is
Overall: 3 stars
Thank you NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for the ebook copy of this ARC.
This book follows the story of a woman, Madison, who signs up for a one month long wellness boot camp style retreat and a rock star addict, Johnny, battling the real life monster of his addiction, with each chapter jumping between them. It was it interesting setup, while you're trying to understand the characters you're also trying to understand why their stories are being told together.
As I am personally not somebody who would ever see the need to go to this style of boot camp (I have enough hell to go through on my own thank you very much), I didn't really connect with Madison or understand her motivation. I enjoyed the twists and turns, but I was a lot more caught up on Madison's story then on Johnny's, so every time Johnny's section came up I was just waiting to get back to Madison. Madison story felt so much more visceral and I could pretty much see where Johnny story was going so I wasn't nearly as invested.
Well the story is horrific I do feel like it fits more as a thriller than horror. It definitely kept me interested and continually questioning what the actual f*** is going on.
Final rating:
Madison story: 4 stars
Johnny's Story: 2 stars
Book Cover: All the stars - look at how pretty that is
Overall: 3 stars
Thank you NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for the ebook copy of this ARC.
October 22, 2025
Mm.. het verhaal was niet slecht, maar was vooral niet wat ik ervan verwachtte waardoor ik toch met een teleurgesteld gevoel het boek dicht sloeg. Ik zou dit zelf niet echt onder horror scharen maar onder psychologische thriller met horror elementen of passages. Al vrij vroeg in het verhaal werd er op iets gehint waardoor ik één van de twee plotlijnen een stuk minder interessant vond. Ook vraag ik me af of anderen hierover heen hebben gelezen; in andere reviews worden plot twists benoemd terwijl ik deze niet zo heb ervaren. Eerlijk gezegd dus echt jammer dat deze hint al zo duidelijk vroeg in het boek werd geplaatst. Dit had beter op het einde gekund voor het gevoel van: ‘wait - what?!’ En volgende keer meer horror graag!
April 11, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company, Mulholland Books for an ARC of I'll Quit When I'm Dead.
First, I want to say that I absolutely LOVED Johnny's story. I was completely captivated (and terrified) by the amazing details and world building. If the entire book had been dedicated to a more complete telling of Johnny's journey it would have been an easy 5 star read for me. Madison's story, on the other hand, was honestly just pointless. Trying to connect their stories felt forced and unnatural. It's like the author had two, wildly different, half-finished story ideas and just shoved them together in an effort to publish a book. Ultimately, a memorable read but one that sadly did not achieve its full potential.
3.5 stars
First, I want to say that I absolutely LOVED Johnny's story. I was completely captivated (and terrified) by the amazing details and world building. If the entire book had been dedicated to a more complete telling of Johnny's journey it would have been an easy 5 star read for me. Madison's story, on the other hand, was honestly just pointless. Trying to connect their stories felt forced and unnatural. It's like the author had two, wildly different, half-finished story ideas and just shoved them together in an effort to publish a book. Ultimately, a memorable read but one that sadly did not achieve its full potential.
3.5 stars
October 26, 2025
Thank you for the opportunity to preview I will Quit When I’m Dead. This is an interesting novel. It seems like two novellas in one. One tells the story of a young woman who signs up to become a better version of herself and the other of a musician who has partying has gone a bit too far.
Both of them find themselves in a new Situation that may be more than they bargained for and wondering - what have I done.
Good reading. 3.5 stars
Both of them find themselves in a new Situation that may be more than they bargained for and wondering - what have I done.
Good reading. 3.5 stars
November 9, 2025
For the majority of this book, I found myself wanting to hurry through Johnny’s story to get back to Madison’s. At about 80%, I finally started to get the message in Johnny’s story like I had already with Madison’s and they almost flip-flopped and I liked his ending better. Both could have been executed better but the messages received were rather deep and I really enjoy that.
3.5 stars ✨
3.5 stars ✨
Read
September 16, 2025Tried to read the ARC of this book that I won in a giveaway but the pages are so see-through I can’t read the words without getting sick.
Will pick it back up when I can get it on my kindle after release
Will pick it back up when I can get it on my kindle after release
October 28, 2025
One of the very best from Mr Luke Smitherd so far. It made me both cringe and laugh out loud. Very well written. Character building is top notch. Engaging and original story. Truly bone-chilling at times. Now, bring on the next batch of weird sh*t Mr Smitherd!
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