SOLITUDE

by B.E. Rel

He has everything - except a reason to keep going.

At twenty-five, Zee appears to lead a typical a steady job, supportive friends and family, a beautiful girlfriend, and a cozy apartment. But beneath the surface lies a darkness he struggles to hide. For years, he has battled depression alone, concealing his pain behind a facade of normalcy.

When a single moment of numbness pushes him over the edge, Zee retreats into the confines of his apartment, determined to escape the world that feels increasingly alien. As the days blend into nights, his mind transforms into a haunting landscape, twisting reality and blurring the lines between his deepest fears and fleeting memories. His world descends into darkness, intermingled with dangerous thoughts of violence and hate. A pit of despair he either must climb out of or be buried inside of.

In this gripping exploration of isolation and the search for meaning, Zee confronts the ghosts of his past and the choices that led him to this moment, reminding us that sometimes, the hardest battles are fought within.

259 pages, Paperback

Published February 27, 2025

About the author

Hey! I'm a lifelong fan of storytelling. I've been writing for years and still get excited every time a new idea comes to life on the page. Creating characters, building worlds, and exploring emotions through fiction is something I never get tired of.

Reading has always been a huge part of my life too. I especially love the classics - Les Misérables holds a permanent spot at the top of my list. There's something incredible about being pulled into another world and seeing life through someone else's eyes.

When I’m not reading or writing, I’m usually outside. I love being in nature, staying active, and snowboarding whenever I get the chance. Exercise clears my head and often inspires new creative sparks.

Thanks for checking out my page - always happy to connect with fellow book lovers.

P.S. Want a sneak peek at what i’m writing?
I'm sharing daily readings from my works in progress over on YouTube and TikTok - little bits of story, fresh from the writing desk ✍️📚

Come hang out, hear what i’ve been working on, and maybe even fall in love with a character or two 🖤

🎥 find me here:

https://www.youtube.com/@Relvibes1

&

https://www.tiktok.com/@b.e.rel

Reviews

[The_5ft_reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

very dark, quite disturbing in some places but sadly also quite relatable in parts ..... check your triggers because I was not prepared for what was in here! A fantastic but very sad and heartbreaking read!

[Sameer Khan Brohi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solitude reflects the darkest realities plus personalities amongst our societies. Damn, I wish I could have read the warning sign once more before diving in, although for sure I agree with the truth it portrays and all those different layers, but it was very heavy for me.
It was so intense, a total heart-tsunami; and I am saying that in a good way as it served its purpose for book that makes you feel real and emotional and human. But it was just too heavy for me.
I couldn’t gasp and continue reading, I don’t have a strong heart to keep reading it. Though this is must book for all the strong-hearted people out there, who freak out little less.
It was raw, nerve-breaking and very powerful. The realness was incredible, but it definitely comes with warning, it could make you restless and numb, it literally made me feel that. I cannot even gasp right now. And I get mini panic attack the minute I realize that Solitude is a book that is reflection of those people in our society who go through same emotions as Zee did. I felt bad for him, he was overly-sensitive and all. But it also made sense of whatever he went through even in his mom’s womb.
But my favorite character was his sister, she was an angel, innocent, cute, white, rich girl holding donuts for his brother, caring for him. It literally made me cry.
But don’t freak out! What else can life be without blood, burn and tears.

[Lulu · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was deeply relatable and emotionally heavy in ways I didn’t expect. Depression isn’t just part of the story—it feels like a main character, shaping Zee’s thoughts, memories, and daily existence. Watching him fight through years of quiet suffering, flashbacks, and self-reflection was both painful and powerful. There are brief moments of humor, but overall the story is raw, sad, and impactful. What stayed with me most is that even at his breaking point, Zee never truly gives up—he pauses, reflects, and keeps fighting. This book lingers and makes you think long after the last page.

[Annette Pena · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not like the book and couldn't finish it. I feel bad as I know that some people do like it. I know people struggle with depression and it is a very serious issue. I was just having difficulty getting into the book. Don't let reviews influence you, give it a try as you may be able to appreciate the story.

[Christina Faulling · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is informative of what people go through fighting depression. It’s real, it’s raw, it’s dark, it goes where many books don’t.

[Ariel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The loneliness here was almost a breathing entity.

I need to sit with this for a while.

Whew.

[Grady · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘I feel confined in the cage that is my mind…I cannot escape’ – Excellent insights!

Colorado author B.E. Rel, an Air Force veteran, writes sensitive books for children, young adults, and adults. His books to date – STRIPES, SUMMONING DEMONS, THE WORLD OVER, NIGHTMARE MASKED IN BLOOD, A THORN BETWEEN ROSES, THE BEAT OF A HEART, THE SPARK WITHIN and now SOLITUDE. On his website he warmly states, ‘My writing style reflects how I feel. What I know. It can range from humor to horror, from children to adults, and everything in between.’

The protagonist of this exploration of depression is the 25-year-old Californian, Zee, and the manner in which the author introduces him proves to be the very essence of the isolation of the depression state. ‘I want to sit in solitude, here in my apartment, where the world and all its influences cannot disturb me. Where I can be alone with my thoughts, the only part of me not entangled by the web of lies strung out by history.’ ‘When you’re stripped of everything but your soul, that’s when the claws or hearts of others appear.’ Employing language appropriate to each aspect of the story, raw and harsh to gently contemplative, the author draws the reader into the life and mind of Zee as he faces his mental anguish. The condensed plot – ‘When a single moment of numbness pushes him over the edge, Zee retreats into the confines of his apartment, determined to escape the world that feels increasingly alien. As the days blend into nights, his mind transforms into a haunting landscape, twisting reality and blurring the lines between his deepest fears and fleeting memories. His world descends into darkness, intermingled with dangerous thoughts of violence and hate. A pit of despair he either must climb out of or be buried inside of.’

This fine book provides insights for both victims of depression and to those who observe a clinically depressed person. B.E. Rel shares his gift for understanding mental disorders in a manner that creates not only understanding, but empathy. Simple statements by Zee, such as ‘I cared too much about what other people thought’ become pungent alerts underscoring the book’s subtitle - ‘Sometimes the hardest battles are fought within.’ Highly recommended, both as an entertaining read and as a window of understanding!

[Vichy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading Solitude was an intense experience. For the vast majority of the book, I felt trapped inside Zion's mind, an anti-hero who was not meant to be liked. He hated society, admitted to past manipulation of others, explored self-harm and showed animal cruelty. There were moments I thought I couldn't continue reading it.
Zion's internal monologue was a suffocating mixture of narcissism and insecurity rooted in his adoption. He used his intelligence to justify his isolation, viewing the world as "fake" to protect himself from being hurt again. The writing effectively captured the "numbness" of depression, where even the pain is welcomed as a sign of life.
The revelation of his betrayal of his best friend, Jacob, was where the book shifted. It moved from a story about a "victim" of depression to a story about a man who should take accountability for the "villain" he became.
The epilogue was the oxygen I desperately needed. It moved the story 180 degrees. By choosing to fight his "inner demons" instead of surrendering to them, he stopped the transfer of pain to those who loved him (Trish, Jen, and his parents).
Solitude was not a "feel-good" book. It was brutal, cold, and often disturbing. But it ended as a testament for survival: while the "war within" never truly ends, the decision to stay and fight is the ultimate victory.

[Rae B · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solitude is a deeply introspective psychological character study that explores isolation, depression, identity, and emotional unraveling in an unflinchingly raw way.

B.E. Rel’s writing is immersive and emotionally honest, and the strongest aspect of the novel for me was the commitment to fully inhabiting the protagonist’s internal world. The atmosphere is heavy, dark, and intentionally uncomfortable in a way that will likely resonate with readers who love deeply psychological and character-driven narratives.

For me personally, the heaviness of the content made this more of a 3–3.2★ read, but I can absolutely appreciate the emotional depth and vulnerability poured into the story.

If you enjoy darker literary/psychological fiction that prioritizes internal struggle over fast-paced plot, this may be one worth picking up.

[Michele Palmer · Rating 1 out of 5]

The writing is raw and unfiltered, focusing on loneliness, identity, and being trapped in your own thoughts. It’s less about plot and more about the narrator’s mindset, which makes it feel very personal—but also very heavy.

As someone who has battled depression, I actually found those parts relatable and well-written. The numbness and overthinking felt real. But what made this difficult for me were the darker thoughts about hurting others—that was a lot harder to sit with and honestly pushed it too far for me. 

I can see what the author was going for, and there is depth here, especially around identity and belonging. But overall, it just wasn’t the right fit for me emotionally.

[Nicole Krause · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is definitely got its dark side but it’s the dark side of depression anxiety suicidal thoughts harming yourself and others as much as people don’t want to read or hear about this stuff it’s reality I truly loved this book the only thing I had to skip through that I didn’t like was the harming of animals ima animal over I don’t like to see or read about harming animals but other than that the book was really really good

[K. M. Luis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A man locks himself in his apartment and contemplates his short life. What ensues is a memoir of depression, anger, and dissatisfaction. Dives deeply into the mind of a thoroughly depressed individual, so be wary if you’re sensitive to such things.