I Knead My Mommy: And Other Poems by Kittens

by Francesco Marciuliano

Just when we all thought things couldn't get any cuter, from the author of the New York Times bestselling I Could Pee on This comes I Knead My Mommy, a book of confessional poems about the triumphs, trials, and daily discoveries of being a kitten. From climbing walls to claiming hearts, these little cats bare all in such instant classics as "And Then You Said 'No,'" "Ode to a Lizard I Didn't Know Is Also a Pet in This House," and "I Will Save You." With adorable photos of the poetic prodigies throughout, this volume gives readers a glimpse into their confused and curious feline minds as they encounter the world around them.

Genres: Poetry, Humor, Animals, Cats, Nonfiction, Ebooks, Adult

112 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 5, 2014

About the author

Francesco Marciuliano...
Pens the comic strips Sally Forth and Medium Large.
Has written for the Onion News Network, Smosh, McSweeney’s, and had a play produced at the New York International Fringe Festival.
Served as head writer for the PBS series SeeMore's Playhouse (for which his script won two regional Emmys).
Was afraid of the color yellow until about age nine.
Tans a little too well to be trusted by security.

Reviews

[karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

HAPPY POETRY MONTH!

april is national poetry month,
so here come thirty floats!
the cynics here will call this plan
a shameless grab for votes.
and maybe there’s some truth to that—
i do love validation,
but charitably consider it
a rhyme-y celebration.
i don’t intend to flood your feed—
i’ll just post one a day.
endure four weeks of reruns
and then it will be may!

**************************

it was only a matter of time before the people who brought you I Could Pee on This And Other Poems by Cats and I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs burned through their earnings from those books in series of cocaine-and-hot-air-balloon bacchanals and cried out - "oh no, what now???"

kittens, is what now.

in keeping with the format of my reviews for the previous books: meow and roof, here are some of the poems that made me the chuckliest along with pictures of adorable kittens, probably being naughty.



I've Been Watching

Like a human baby
I cry a lot
Like a human baby
I need your help
Like a human baby
I crave your love
Like a human baby
I sometimes wedge myself behind
the fridge
Or run screaming across
the kitchen countertop
Or hide inside pillowcases
Only to claw wildly at your ears
when you rest your head
Like a human baby
I don't know everything about human babies
Especially since you don't have one yet
But when you do
You can thank me for how I prepared you
For when your human baby starts gnawing
on exposed wires.



Ode to a Lizard I Didn't Know Is Also a Pet in This House

AUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUGGGGHHHH!!!
I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to startle you!
I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to climb the wall!
I'm sorry!
I just had no idea you live here too!
But let's make amends
And let's be best friends
And let's see how much louder
We can make our person scream
By both crawling up his leg at 3 a.m.



Curious

Intrigued
Inquisitive
Fascinated
Captivated
Spying
Prying
Curious
This is who I am
This is how I live
This is why I'm now covered
In flour, fudge, and Scotch



Hello!

"Hello!"
And you wake up screaming
"Hello!"
And you nick yourself shaving
"Hello!"
And you spill coffee on your groin
"Hello!"
And you fall down six steps of stairs
"Hello!"
And you smash your head on the front door
Every morning when I leap out of nowhere
And meow "Hello!"
You do something so very, very funny
That I'm reminded once more
How lucky I am
To live with someone with such great
comedic timing



Luxury

These
These
These right here
Are the softest
Are the comfiest
Are the most luxurious
Bed sheets
I've ever hacked up on
Thank you again for inviting me into your home




And Then You Said "No"

And then you said, "No!"
And then I looked at you
Waiting for a definition
And then you said "No!"
Again
As if "No!"
Defined the word "No!"
"No! "No! "No!"
And then I realized
You must be practicing a musical note
Over and over again
"Nooooooooooooo!"
And then I went back
To shoving my paw in your mayo



Please Stop

I am
I am
I still am
Sigh, yes I am
For a fifth time
That would be me
So I'm begging you
Please stop asking
"Who's a fuzzy, funny fur face?"
Because you're sounding less like
A loving pet parent
And more like
The most unprepared job interviewer
on the planet



Everywhere I Look

There's a bird in a nearby cage
There are fish in that tank
There's even a mouse-like thing
Running around on a little wheel
There's the fast beating of my heart
There's the big lump in my throat
There are the tears of joy in my eyes
As it dawns on me
I didn't just move into my forever home
But into my very own Whole Foods store



Finally Come Home

Ten hours
I was all alone
Ten hours
I was really bored
Ten hours
Until you finally came home
Only to walk right by me
And plop down on the couch
Only for me
To take a sharp swipe at your ankle
Now you're chasing me around the house
Now you're hobbling and cursing my name
Now I'm thinking these past ten minutes
Are the happiest I've been all day



Over Here!

Now I'm over here!
Now I'm on top of this!
Now I'm wedged between these!
Now I've torn through all of that!
Now my head is in this jar!
Now my butt is on this meal!
Now my body's in midair!
Now I'm flying through something dainty!
Now I'm hanging from your leg!
Now I'm hanging from the screen!
Now I'm hanging from a ceiling fan!
Now I'm in midair once again!
Now I'm outside!
Now I'm running back inside!
Now I'm hurtling back outside!
Now I'm on the roof!
Now it may not be your roof!
Now you're pleading with me to get off the roof!
Now I landed on your face!
Now I don't know
How I've been so many places
In the past minute and a half
But I do know that
Thanks to tracking litter
I can retrace my journey every single
step of the way



Adorable

I curl my adorable fur body
Into an adorable fetal ball
As I tuck my adorable head
Into my adorable tail
And sigh my adorable sighs
As I rest adorably
Right on top of the one thing you need right now
Sleep, adorable me. Sleep.



Sense of Wonder

Thanks to my sense of wonder
Thanks to my thirst for knowledge
Thanks to my need to explore
To analyze
To learn
To find out all there is
About this new place I call home
Thanks to all that
And a poorly timed jump
I can confidently report
That everything you ever treasured
Should not have been placed
On a single shelf you installed yourself

and now, just so you don't go through your day feeling all happy and sweet, i will leave you with a sad poem. because i am a jerk.



Not Goodbye

I still smell the older cat
On his favorite chair
On his favorite blanket
On his favorite toy
On me
I still smell the older cat
But I can't find him anywhere
And now his dish is gone
And now his bed is gone
And now you are crying
But I still smell the older cat
So tomorrow I will look again

okay, that's too sad - here you need to look at this right away:







better?? enjoy this book and support your local hot-air balloon dealership!!

come to my blog!

[Rosh · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a Nutshell: A poetry collection for kitten lovers. Fun to read. Plenty of cute kitty photos. Recommended to those who like cats or poems, preferably both.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m more of a dog person, but cats are a close second favourite. So when I chanced upon some titles in my library written by this author, I knew I’d give them a go. Books with interesting titles such as “I Could Pee on This” and “I Could Chew on This” are tough to resist! The cutest one was this book. I simply love the pun in “I Knead My Mommy.” 😄

We know how people describe their kittens, but how do kittens describe their humans? What do they mean when they maul your furnishings or toss your valuables onto the floor or grab your face with those teeny but pointy claws?

Here’s a poetry collection that will help you understand the thought process of kittens. I suppose it can be called an OwnVoices work as it comes straight from the feline perspectives. 😉

There’s not much I can say about the book except that it does what it promises. There are plenty of humorous poems written *by kittens* guiding us through their thought process and rectifying our flawed assumptions about their supposedly destructive behaviour. Not all the poems are funny though; a couple are somewhat bittersweet.

The poems are in free verse; that’s all I can tell you about the poetic merit of this work. As a poetry-phobe, I anyway didn’t borrow this book for a lyrical feast but for the kittens and the humour. So as usual, I read through the poems like I would read text. (Yeah, I know… I’m a philistine!)

The book contains many adorable kitten photos so that our eyes can feast on their scrumptious cuteness.

All in all, this would be a pawsome book for ailurophiles and cat parents and would also make a purrfect gift. This would have been a kittylicious option for human kiddos as well, but some of the poems use words such as “damn”, so discretion is advised based on what parents think about the usage of that word.

3.5 stars. (Rounding up because those who like poetry are bound to like this better.)

Ending this review with one of the poems I enjoyed:

Curious

Intrigued
Inquisitive
Fascinated
Captivated
Spying
Prying
Curious
This is who I am
This is how I live
This is why I'm now covered
In flour, fudge, and Scotch

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || Threads || X/Twitter || Facebook ||

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Knead My Mommy
By Francesco Marciuliano
I read two of this other books and really enjoyed them. This was even better! These poems are coming from kittens and are adorable as well as hilarious! Put a smile on my face when I really needed it! Cute photos too!

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes I need a smile. A rough day. Unexpected money leaks for broken appliances, car repairs, doctor or vet bills. Teenage angst living in my house. Everyone knows the sort of days I mean....we all have them. That's the time when I drag myself home and just need a dose of cute. An infusion of happy to offset the Really Horrible Day. That's why I buy books like this one! Poems written by pets (well, poems dictated by pets...ha ha). These books are little.....4x6.....but they pack a huge cuteness wallop! And....they never fail to make me smile, even on the day our refrigerator died....in the middle of a pandemic.

This particular volume of poems -- I Knead My Mummy -- is penned by kittens. I laughed and smiled as I read about 3 am leg climbing, toy killing and general destruction. Before I returned to work full time, I fostered orphan kittens for the local humane society. Very rewarding....but time consuming and difficult at times. This book reminded me of all the tiny fur faces that stayed with me for awhile before continuing on to their forever homes. :) And had me noticing, the frayed arm of the couch in my office, the tiny holes in my curtains, the 2/3 dead carpet tree..... Kittens are cute, lovely, adorable.....and destructive little fur demons. :) But I love them.

And I love poetry penned in their names, too!

My favorites:

Black Kitten

I purr
I nuzzle
I lick
I cuddle
I run
I leap
I play
I sleep
But if you think that is an evil omen
If you think all that is pure bad luck
Then yes, you will endure great misfortune
Because without me your life will suck


Looking Good

Lick
Lick
Slobber
Lick
Lick
There
Now all your left arm hairs
Point in the same direction
And Glisten
And smell of seafood surprise
And you're welcome.

Each poem is accompanied by a full color photo of a cat or kitten being very feline. And the front cover is quite colorful and cute -- three kittens getting into mischief. This book is tiny and only 109 pages....but it's incredi-cute, funny and fun. I highly recommend it -- and the other little tomes in this series featuring cats and dogs. They have such awesome titles as: I Could Pee on This (Cats) and I Could Chew on This (dogs) and some are even self-help books - You Need More Sleep: Advice from Cats.

These books are also attractive. Full color, hardback with dust jackets. They would make attractive gifts for animal lovers, or for display on a bookshelf or coffee table.

[Hester · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kittens aren't very good at poetry, but when you're that cute, you don't knead to be good at anything.

[Philip · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO
I could actually get a cat
and learn firsthand the so-called joys of living with an
unfathomable fireball of mercurial behavior
and bipolar impulses…

OR
I could just keep buying these charming, horrifying little books
whenever I see one for a dollar or so at the used bookstore,
and then spend a quiet hour
reading and smiling and drinking coffee
in a sweet-smelling home full of beautiful, breakable memories
that with just a moment's notice I could lock up and abandon
for 24, 48 or even 72 hours without a worry in the world,
and then return home to find everything all in one piece,
exactly as I left it…

That.
I think I'll do that one.

[Adriana Scarpin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not goodbye

I still smell the older cat
On his favorite chair
On his favorite blanket
On his favorite toy
On me
I still smell the older cat
But I can't find him anywhere
And now his dish is gone
And now his bed is gone
And now you are crying
But I still smell the older cat
So tomorrow I will look again

[Lauren Stoolfire · Rating 4 out of 5]

You know what? I Knead My Mommy: and Other Poems by Kittens by Francesco Marciuliano was cute as heck! The poems are fun, but the itty bitty kitty pictures are just the best.

[Fiona · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book as a present because, as my friend said, she directly thought of me when she saw it.
So of course I already like it because it is a cute present and gesture.
But aside that also the conent is quite cute. The poems are funny and short and mostly very easy.
I liked to pick the book up and read one or two poems just inbetween for amusement.

[Erikka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my God, get me some insulin stat. This book is so damn sweet I just developed diabetes. Seriously, so freakin cute. And the little gingers on the dedication page look like my babies. Also, I think all adoption shelters need the Black Kitten poem--too many get adopted as "Halloween accessories" and returned to shelters. It's sick and wrong and it needs to stop.

One bone to pick: the poem "Not Goodbye"? Not cool, dude. All these laughing poems and then a sudden reminder of my dear sweet Leon and I got all teary. Not cool...but thank you. I need to know others understand how hard that loss is. And it is a beautiful poem.

[Amina (ⴰⵎⵉⵏⴰ) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Adorable
I curl my adorable fur body
Into an adorable fetal ball
As I tuck my adorable head
Into my adorable tail
And sigh my adorable sighs
As I rest adorably
Right on top of the one thing you need right now
Sleep, adorable me.
Sleep.

The content of this book is the story of my life, lol
Cats are awesome and you're missing a lot if you don't have one in your life..

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

The photos in this book of poetry are great, but the poems are not as strong as those in I Can Pee on This. I enjoyed "Rainy Days" and a couple others very much, but most of the poems were simply mediocre.

[Blanche · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's difficult to rate this because it's simply super cute

[Jami · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read all three in this series, and although I enjoyed all of them, this is my favorite. The poems captures the true nature of kittens and I found myself laughing throughout the book. The pictures added to the reading experience; who doesn't love pictures of cute kitties? There was one poem about the kitten being able to still smell the older cat, but he can't find him...that was quite heart wrenching! Overall, an excellent, quick read for those who have shared their lives with kittens!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

These kittens are excellent poets!
"Tell Them All"
"My Name Is"

[Heather McC · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cute critters create crazy chaos in this anthology of poems, musings, and queries. In order to better understand our feline friends, take step back, spend time with your fur-mate, and see what happens.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I lost my voice a second time reading this one. Best!

[Beth Huddleston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of these poems were outstanding, they made me laugh, cringe, or get misty-eyed. Some of the other poems were just...okay. It was still a fun and silly read.

[Eli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of cute and funny little cat poems, with one tearjerker thrown in toward the end. I honestly cried when I read it.

[Erin Drake · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's amazing

[Nicole Starner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud at every poem in this book! Really, you should only pick this up if you are a cat lover. If you're not, we probably shouldn't be friends on Goodreads anymore...

[Anna Richey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sweet and VERY funny book. Perfect gift for a cat lover like me :)

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Because who doesn't need (knead) a little cat poetry every now and then?

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to be honest I thought the author's previous book "I Could Pee on This" was better.

But I did have one favorite poem:

Black Kitten

"I purr
I nuzzle
I lick..."

[Izz Rekindled (semi-hiatus due to college) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 rounded to 3

The book is made of chronicles of kittens who are getting accustomed to their new homes.. and the owners getting accustomed to their kitten’s habits and hobbies
This was a very funny light read that I didn’t feel it. It was so sweet and fluffy that I’m left looking at my cat waiting for it to speak its mind😅

However, what irked me in this sequel is that the order of poems was a little off, meaning that if they were given a certain main idea to each chapter(ex: chapter 1- Old cat wisdom, chapter 2- new home new rules,…etc) the poems would have more harmony and cohesion. Other than that, it was really amazing and fun reading this book.

I highly recommend it if you have a little kitten or if you’re a new cat mom

[Kelly Whitt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read an earlier book, I Could Pee on This, and it was very cute. This one was less entertaining.

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s cute, but not as funny as the previous two cat poems collections.

[Aiden]

Some of these remind me of Bug...

(Gift from Laura, 2024)

[Nathan Albright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having already read and enjoyed two books by the poet [1], this book was an easy one to get and I was prepared to enjoy it, as I did.  Admittedly, this book was not much of a stretch from what the author was already doing in portraying the feelings of kittens rather than older cats.  And kittens are admittedly cute animals who are easy to appreciate, so these poems are precisely what one would expect, being both cute and often somewhat thought provoking as they explore life from the point of view of small and cute but sometimes vicious beings who are just getting to know and explore the world for the first time.  I am honestly surprised, as someone who reads a lot of poetry, that I have not encountered more books of this kind before, because there is something quite worthwhile and interesting about looking at the world from the point of view of someone else, and doing so while maintaining that delicate balance between ease of reading and also capturing the lack of spelling accuracy that one would expect to see from the young is also a nice touch.

Like all of the other books by the author I have read so far, the slightly more than 100 pages of poems and accompanying photos of cute kittens is divided into four parts:  "New World," "New Family," "New Adventures," and "Same Old Trouble."  Among the most adorable poems and standouts of this particular collection include the title poem of the kitten in search of his loving mother, an ode to a lizard who the kitten was unaware was also a pet in the same house, reflections on the need to grow up and a kitten's appreciation of its own curiosity, reflections on the professions for cats, wondering about the praise for using litter boxes, and some reflections on visits to the vet.  There are also discussions about the luxury of bedsheets and pouncing and the ineffectiveness of people saying no.  The poems as a whole manage to capture the perspective of a kitten and that combination of cuteness, ferocity, and curiosity that kittens manage to demonstrate so well.  The author even manages to capture a poignant diary entry where a kitten spends the whole day running and sleeping and thinks it is a day that the kitten will always treasure.

As one might expect from the rest of this series, there are some poignant aspects of life as kitten that are explored.  There is the enjoyment of youth and the awareness that one has a lot to learn.  There is the frustration with negatives, the tendency to tune out the commands or prohibitions made, and the tension between having an interest in enjoying life while also having ambitions for a better life.  The author appears to use a lot of themes that one would expect from childhood in general as well as cats in general in making this particular selection of poems, and that is not a surprising choice on his part.  The author shows himself insightful to the situation of kittens and to the way in which kittens spend time, and the book's conceit of poems that are viewed as a best of compilation demonstrates that another volume of these poems would probably be enjoyable, whether or not the author undertakes it.  Clearly with several successful books about poetry from the point of view of pets, the author has found a good niche to be in and something that can be appreciated by many readers.

[1] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2018...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2018...

[Doris Powell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a cat lover, how can I not say this book is awesome. I loved every word and even reread some of the poems again. The author is delightful. In his acknowledgements he praises the cats who learned how to type to tell all about cats. The kitten in this book has friends and enemies. There is the dog who he clawed on his nose and sent him under the bed. There is a lizard who he would like to cooperate with and play a trick on their owner. There is a hamster because the kitten tries out his cage. And there is an older cat who he looks for when he cannot find him and may be dead. And we cannot forget his owner!