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Unfriending My Ex: Confessions of a Social Media Addict
“In this candid and insightful new memoir, Kim Stolz discusses the trials and tribulations of our obsession with social media and mobile technology...a Tweet-worthy, share-worthy, Instagrammable look into our society and the lives we create online.” —Harper’s Bazaar
An incisive, hilarious, and brutally honest chronicle of our obsessions with connectivity, by a self-proclaimed social media addict.
Breaking up used to be easy. You’d sit down, air your grievances, shed some tears, then commiserate with your friends over a pint of ice cream. But then it was over. Your ex was history. And if you lived in a big enough city, chances are you’d never bump into him or her again.
But the golden age of break-ups has come and gone. Today our exes, former friends, estranged relatives, and even that random person we met that one night in Vegas are just a thumb tap away, their lives playing out in an endless soap opera of status updates, selfies, Snapchats, and Tweets. The ways we interact with each other have changed forever. But our desire for human connection remains the same.
In Unfriending My Ex, Kim Stolz shares her stories from the front lines of our emoji-laden, filter-heavy, ultra-connected world, capturing the hilarity and chaos of life both online and off. Whether you’ve spent two hours clicking through a semi-stranger’s vacation pictures or accidentally swiped right on a former flame, Kim Stolz is here to tell you you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and she’d like a few of those french fries that you Instagrammed at dinner. Smart, honest, and always relatable, Unfriending My Ex is a must read for anyone who likes to hold a book in one hand and their phone in the other.
An incisive, hilarious, and brutally honest chronicle of our obsessions with connectivity, by a self-proclaimed social media addict.
Breaking up used to be easy. You’d sit down, air your grievances, shed some tears, then commiserate with your friends over a pint of ice cream. But then it was over. Your ex was history. And if you lived in a big enough city, chances are you’d never bump into him or her again.
But the golden age of break-ups has come and gone. Today our exes, former friends, estranged relatives, and even that random person we met that one night in Vegas are just a thumb tap away, their lives playing out in an endless soap opera of status updates, selfies, Snapchats, and Tweets. The ways we interact with each other have changed forever. But our desire for human connection remains the same.
In Unfriending My Ex, Kim Stolz shares her stories from the front lines of our emoji-laden, filter-heavy, ultra-connected world, capturing the hilarity and chaos of life both online and off. Whether you’ve spent two hours clicking through a semi-stranger’s vacation pictures or accidentally swiped right on a former flame, Kim Stolz is here to tell you you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and she’d like a few of those french fries that you Instagrammed at dinner. Smart, honest, and always relatable, Unfriending My Ex is a must read for anyone who likes to hold a book in one hand and their phone in the other.
208 pages, Paperback
First published February 19, 2013
16 people are currently reading
775 people want to read
About the author
Kim Stolz
2 books25 followersFormer MTV News Correspondent and America's Next Top Model Contestant, Kim Stolz is VP of Equity Derivatives Sales at Citigroup. She is also a soon-to-be published author. Her first publication "Unfriending My Ex (And Other Things I'll Never Do", which explores the effects that social networking, smart phones and reality television have had on society and her generation, will be published in June 2014 by Scribner, a division of Simon & Schuster. After graduating from Wesleyan University in 2005, she began working at MTV as a news anchor, interviewing a virtual who's who of public figures ranging from Jay-Z to Lady Gaga to President Barack Obama. In 2009, she moved on to write her first non-fiction work Unfriending My Ex and begin her career on Wall Street. She currently resides in New York City on the Upper East Side.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
May 5, 2017
Initial thoughts: Much more informative than I expected, considering this book is a memoir. Thought it'd be filled with relatable anecdotes and stop there. Kim Stolz went beyond that and included research that might explain her observations.
Speaking of the author, I had no idea she took part in ANTM and was an MTV VJ. I picked up this book because the "social media addict" caught my attention in the subtitle. Figured it'd be relatable as well as an entertaining read. It definitely was both.
Although the title is "Unfriending My Ex", that only takes up one chapter. Personally, I was glad for that because this means the other chapters are dedicated to how we relate to social media, and how it affects our relationships to family, relatives, friends too.
Speaking of the author, I had no idea she took part in ANTM and was an MTV VJ. I picked up this book because the "social media addict" caught my attention in the subtitle. Figured it'd be relatable as well as an entertaining read. It definitely was both.
Although the title is "Unfriending My Ex", that only takes up one chapter. Personally, I was glad for that because this means the other chapters are dedicated to how we relate to social media, and how it affects our relationships to family, relatives, friends too.
April 24, 2015
I’m actually not sure how this ended up on my to-read list. I think it must have been an afterellen recommendation? Anyway. Generally I am very bored by articles/books/inspirational videos that make the point that personal technology has changed our lives for the worse, making it hard for us to connect, blah blah blah. But this book actually convinced me this is 100% true. Not for myself, but definitely for Kim Stolz. Like... whoa. Dang, girl. You make me glad I don’t have a smart phone.
July 2, 2014
Full Disclosure: I was chosen a First Reads winner, and received a free copy of Unfriending My Ex in the mail.
What a witty book, and so relevant to our lives today, where everyone spends so much time on iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram... etc. Kim Stolz has captured that universe in an honest non-fiction look at how social media shape our lives today. Well-documented with not only personal experiences and research but also viewpoints from numerous experts (even detailed in a notes section at the end of the book), this is a much more scholarly approach than I anticipated. That doesn't mean that the book isn't fun and quirky, too; it is. And quite entertaining at times.
Stolz -- who was several years ago a contestant on America's Next Top Model, something I didn't know before registering for the give-away for this book -- is bright and well-educated and able to combine those qualities with her personal Reality TV experience. She is also a publicly "out" married lesbian, whose relationships have sometimes been even more of a challenge due to the temptations of social media.
The book begins with a one-week experiment in which Kim swears off social media altogether and, as an MTV VJ, even has to resort to having her assistant print out computer articles for her, since she doesn't trust herself to keep the one-week bargain if she log on. Humorous chapters follow, in which she chronicles experiences like her mother's serious approach to Facebook friends and what constitutes online cheating.
This is a very quick read (I started it yesterday and just finished it today) and a thought-provoking look at an aspect of nearly all of our lives.
What a witty book, and so relevant to our lives today, where everyone spends so much time on iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram... etc. Kim Stolz has captured that universe in an honest non-fiction look at how social media shape our lives today. Well-documented with not only personal experiences and research but also viewpoints from numerous experts (even detailed in a notes section at the end of the book), this is a much more scholarly approach than I anticipated. That doesn't mean that the book isn't fun and quirky, too; it is. And quite entertaining at times.
Stolz -- who was several years ago a contestant on America's Next Top Model, something I didn't know before registering for the give-away for this book -- is bright and well-educated and able to combine those qualities with her personal Reality TV experience. She is also a publicly "out" married lesbian, whose relationships have sometimes been even more of a challenge due to the temptations of social media.
The book begins with a one-week experiment in which Kim swears off social media altogether and, as an MTV VJ, even has to resort to having her assistant print out computer articles for her, since she doesn't trust herself to keep the one-week bargain if she log on. Humorous chapters follow, in which she chronicles experiences like her mother's serious approach to Facebook friends and what constitutes online cheating.
This is a very quick read (I started it yesterday and just finished it today) and a thought-provoking look at an aspect of nearly all of our lives.
September 13, 2014
I guess I'm not as social media or reality tv knowledgeable as I should be. I had no idea that Kim Stolz was a celebrity of some type and I haven't watched MTV since they stopped playing music. I picked this book up solely for its relatable title and for my penchant for memoir-esque works of young women. I was not expecting more than just a basic, cute distraction.
I never thought I'd be saying this and I know it sounds really atrocious and shallow of me, but who knew a model could write?! The work is mostly a look into the ramification of social media on our modern existences ranging in topics from being a social media addict, to increasing lack of focus and the disconnect social media is allowing to occur in our real, offline worlds. She starts the book with an experiment of trying to go without her IPhone for a week. She then delves into the faux pas that can be made online and the false sense of closeness we all feel from being connected all the time. Her points are backed up with quotes from psychologists and even Emerson and Thoreau and I saw that careful though and research put into this piece right away.
It's always awesome to discover someone doing research on a timely topic when you only really expected to hear a bunch of personal stories from a stranger. I appreciated the effort that was made here and will recommend this to all my "friends" real or otherwise.
I never thought I'd be saying this and I know it sounds really atrocious and shallow of me, but who knew a model could write?! The work is mostly a look into the ramification of social media on our modern existences ranging in topics from being a social media addict, to increasing lack of focus and the disconnect social media is allowing to occur in our real, offline worlds. She starts the book with an experiment of trying to go without her IPhone for a week. She then delves into the faux pas that can be made online and the false sense of closeness we all feel from being connected all the time. Her points are backed up with quotes from psychologists and even Emerson and Thoreau and I saw that careful though and research put into this piece right away.
It's always awesome to discover someone doing research on a timely topic when you only really expected to hear a bunch of personal stories from a stranger. I appreciated the effort that was made here and will recommend this to all my "friends" real or otherwise.
November 30, 2015
I came across this book in the library and thought it might be an interesting read. while I do know a few people who are totally addicted to social media, 90% of the people I'm around are no where near like Kim or the extremes of the anecdotes she includes in this book. This book may be an eye opener for someone who are already down that rabbit hole, but I just couldn't relate and found myself annoyed by how repetitive each chapter felt.
August 20, 2017
A good look into social media and tech without bashing it. The point is to be more mindful, stolz understands the important role social media is playing in our lives. What i liked most, was her honesty about her own obsessive habits
March 9, 2015
On a pure achievement/ adequacy level, the book gest three stars. On a personal, what I feel level, it gets two.
IT seems hard to believe that this two hundred page book took three years to craft. Yet, Stolz tells us that she her addiction to phones and technology has killed her attention span, so maybe she only wrote a sentence here or there. The woman is obviously smart, accomplished, and goes out of her way to quote sources.
That being said, she offers nothing new.
Yes, technology is omnipresent. Yes, peoples should double check before they click "reply all". We can see that compassion is lost as face to face interaction dwindles. As a primer on the state of humanity, the book excels.
As a practical aide, the book fails. Stolz tells of her suffering through her break with her phone. She almost goes out and buys a new one. She breaks into her roommates room and tries to find her treasured "limb". She makes sure all her friends know that she won't be online. ...for a week. Seven days of no technology and she suffers. She toes that her attention span starts to come back and that her interactions are more meaningful.
But after her experiment, she doesn't change. She goes back to texting during a friend crisis and pondering what counts as "cheating" online.
The last chapter is where she completely lost me. She is convinced that people need to be internet-accessible 24/7. That sort of lifestyle is guaranteed to burn a person out. To those who choose to do without? (Like me; who quit his Facebook six months ago and doesn't Tweet/Tumble/Tinder) They are called Unabombers. Because people choose to live a life that she only glimpsed for a month, we are apparently Luddites who are hiding our heads from the world. I couldn't meet her in the middle on this one.
I still can't believe that this is a Simon and Schuster book. Any editor would have a field day with this book, though they would make the book even shorter. I thought Oswalt used too many footnotes, but then I read this. Stolz averages a parenthetical a page; sometimes as many as three. She tells a personal story, but she tries too hard to interject herself and her opinions over and over. Mark Twain's head would explode at her abundance of "asides".
Technically speaking, she achieved what she set out to do. Practically speaking, this woman is going to have a stroke and thinks we should all tag along. I'll pass, thanks.
IT seems hard to believe that this two hundred page book took three years to craft. Yet, Stolz tells us that she her addiction to phones and technology has killed her attention span, so maybe she only wrote a sentence here or there. The woman is obviously smart, accomplished, and goes out of her way to quote sources.
That being said, she offers nothing new.
Yes, technology is omnipresent. Yes, peoples should double check before they click "reply all". We can see that compassion is lost as face to face interaction dwindles. As a primer on the state of humanity, the book excels.
As a practical aide, the book fails. Stolz tells of her suffering through her break with her phone. She almost goes out and buys a new one. She breaks into her roommates room and tries to find her treasured "limb". She makes sure all her friends know that she won't be online. ...for a week. Seven days of no technology and she suffers. She toes that her attention span starts to come back and that her interactions are more meaningful.
But after her experiment, she doesn't change. She goes back to texting during a friend crisis and pondering what counts as "cheating" online.
The last chapter is where she completely lost me. She is convinced that people need to be internet-accessible 24/7. That sort of lifestyle is guaranteed to burn a person out. To those who choose to do without? (Like me; who quit his Facebook six months ago and doesn't Tweet/Tumble/Tinder) They are called Unabombers. Because people choose to live a life that she only glimpsed for a month, we are apparently Luddites who are hiding our heads from the world. I couldn't meet her in the middle on this one.
I still can't believe that this is a Simon and Schuster book. Any editor would have a field day with this book, though they would make the book even shorter. I thought Oswalt used too many footnotes, but then I read this. Stolz averages a parenthetical a page; sometimes as many as three. She tells a personal story, but she tries too hard to interject herself and her opinions over and over. Mark Twain's head would explode at her abundance of "asides".
Technically speaking, she achieved what she set out to do. Practically speaking, this woman is going to have a stroke and thinks we should all tag along. I'll pass, thanks.
July 14, 2016
This book has an excellent title and I definitely enjoyed reading it. Kim Stolz is quite a good writer and I enjoyed the way she approached the subject and how current this book is. I could relate to it on so many levels. It's funny because unlike the writer I'm not addicted to social media. I didn't send my first text until 2008. I'm serious. My sons watched in amazement with their eyes widened, one of them even said quietly," mom's texting." I didn't join Facebook until 2009 and only because I kept receiving emails from my sister inviting me to look at her photo album which required joining Facebook in order to view. And I was a hold out as the last person on Earth who didn't have a smartphone until joining the ranks and getting an Android in June 2015. This book is an enjoyable read. I got a little bored with the Henry David Thoreau references but there weren't too many. I definitely recommend this book.
February 1, 2022
A glance at this book makes it look like a Chelsea Handler-style humor collection, but it is in actuality a discussion of the ruinous effects social media and smartphones have on on the lives of a surprising number of their fans.
Facebook seems to take the brunt of the criticism, and for anyone who has successfully left the social behemoth, it's easy to see why. People are ridiculously mean on FB, and even when they're not, it's so easy to make yourself miserable "comparing lives" with other people who seem more happy and more successful.
Even the most dedicated FB users regularly admit how much they hate it!
Facebook seems to take the brunt of the criticism, and for anyone who has successfully left the social behemoth, it's easy to see why. People are ridiculously mean on FB, and even when they're not, it's so easy to make yourself miserable "comparing lives" with other people who seem more happy and more successful.
Even the most dedicated FB users regularly admit how much they hate it!
May 24, 2019
Entertaining at times but pretty terrible. So much oversharing, name dropping and self-promotion that the few salient points almost get lost. I’m pretty sure the author had some sort of contract with Apple. She mentions various Apple products on nearly every page and hopes to convince us that we are all hopelessly and irrevocably addicted to our smart phones and social media. Speak for yourself Kimmy!
November 3, 2014
It took me awhile to get through this because it wasn't as entertaining as I had expected. It was okay.
Want to read
January 4, 2015Book started okay but I couldn't seem to finish it; finally returned it to the library.
October 9, 2014
I attempted to read this. It had good points but overall I just got bored with it. Life is too short to read boring books so I returned it to the library.
November 9, 2014
Rounding up to 2 stars, but this was just not what I was expecting. This seems like it would have been better edited down into a magazine article.
January 9, 2018
This is a millennial's account of how smart phones and social media have ruined her life, sometimes. How interesting would it be? As interesting as you would think it is.
June 7, 2022
Been bingewatching ANTM old seasons on Huku while playing online poker the past month or two, and just finished Season 5- the author of this book was a contestant- wound up down a rabbit hole looking up AnTM books and made a very bizarre purchase of about a half dozen used books, this being one of them, all related to ANTM, Erich is by all accounts a fucking terrible show that I just happen to have happy memories of watching with my long time best friend while navigating young adulthood/having Thursday nights at one or the other of our apartments to watch this show and gab- it was an early incantation of what women do these days with the Bachelor, of our own making. But I digress...
This book is kind of boring. But makes some salient points from an older millennial perspective about the overuse of social media and smartphone addiction and the effects of those two things (primarily, anyway- every once in awhile, a third Segway regarding reality TV shows up, but it always seems a bit disjointed in its inclusion-- I suspect that ots included mostly because reality TV is what made the author "famous") on society and relationships in general and personally for the author. It was entertaining in some chapters, and was well argued, but by the 3/4 point of the book, I could no longer keep straight the numerous girlfriends that Stolz references in her anecdotes- woman dated a shit ton of people. Think the book is a bit dated already, with a chapter dedicated to FourSquare? An app that I think I missed completely in my refusal to get a cell phone til 2017- I had to Googlewhat it was. Not really recommending the book to anyone- I didn't dislike it, and the writing was decent. Would have preferred a little more about the ANTM days in form of memoir-esque anecdotes, but the fact that a contestant from that show was able to write a book at all is surprising enough. 3 stars, barely.
This book is kind of boring. But makes some salient points from an older millennial perspective about the overuse of social media and smartphone addiction and the effects of those two things (primarily, anyway- every once in awhile, a third Segway regarding reality TV shows up, but it always seems a bit disjointed in its inclusion-- I suspect that ots included mostly because reality TV is what made the author "famous") on society and relationships in general and personally for the author. It was entertaining in some chapters, and was well argued, but by the 3/4 point of the book, I could no longer keep straight the numerous girlfriends that Stolz references in her anecdotes- woman dated a shit ton of people. Think the book is a bit dated already, with a chapter dedicated to FourSquare? An app that I think I missed completely in my refusal to get a cell phone til 2017- I had to Googlewhat it was. Not really recommending the book to anyone- I didn't dislike it, and the writing was decent. Would have preferred a little more about the ANTM days in form of memoir-esque anecdotes, but the fact that a contestant from that show was able to write a book at all is surprising enough. 3 stars, barely.
May 6, 2015
Are people too reliant on technologies that connect them to social networking sites (SNS) like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, or other applications like emailing, texting, and Snapchat, and if so, what effect is it having? Would we be better off without social media and SNSs?
Former MTV host and American’s Next Top Model contestant Kim Stolz reviews her personal experiences with the consequences of being overly attached to and overly dependent on social media. She cites a plethora of negative outcomes, which she attributes to her inability to detach from the “digital self."
The premise of the book stems from Stolz’s undertaking to go without her phone or any internet (including email, texting, Google, and of course social media) for one week. Her inspiration is Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden,” in which Thoreau narrates his time spent over a two-year period where he lives on his own in nature, contemplating his existence and what the world at large has to offer, as well as what it is lacking.
Through her experiment, Stolz realizes that her phone has become a “phantom limb." She continually reaches for it, expecting it to be a few inches away, only to be disappointed when she finds nothing. She explains that it feels like her phone connects her to others, but she acknowledges it as a source of distraction, causing harm to her relationships when she gives it more weight and attention than them.
The author notes her parents are only friends with people on Facebook that they are friends with offline as well. Although her parents are not as quick to adopt social media technology, they do enjoy it once they find the niche that serves them best. For narcissism, Stolz recalls both personal stories and examples of friends who were always trying to keep up with the Jones’s by having the best photos of the best night with the best food and the most fun. She remarks on the absurdity of this practice, claiming that people are ridiculous for thinking their life is so special that is deserves to be recorded and then broadcast to hundreds if not thousands of people who all have their own business to take care of, not to mention their own stories to share.
Despite holding this view, she concedes that when she saw one of her exes out with some of her old friends, she felt a pang of jealousy. She recalls that the group appears to be having such a good time, and without her, which only lowered her self-esteem. Thankfully, she pulls back and reminds herself that the image was carefully planned and executed, and is not representative of how the night actually went, so there is no need to feel left out or lonely.
Apart from theories discussed in class or readings, Stolz mentions several negative effects of technology, citing articles from various sources including the New York Times and the San Francisco Chronicle which show that as people engage more heavily with social media and technology, their ability to empathize decreases. She expresses her concern over this fact, noting that the machines we use are removing the very essence of our humanity- that is, the ability to connect with others. Another finding was that attention spans decrease and worry and anxiety increase after extended cell phone and social media use. Stolz again speaks from her own life, writing that she used to enjoy a cup of coffee while she read the morning news, but now, she can’t even sit through one article, because it seems too long, and she can’t retain any of it. However, despite all this, Stolz ends on a hopeful note.
In the conclusion of her book, Stolz admits that we can’t abandon technology and social media altogether. She recognizes the need to remain connected and up-to-date in a technology-infused world, but stresses the importance of finding balance. Her own experience, though refreshing, still did not result in her being able to totally control her impulses and to have a new level of control over her urges to check her phone. I thought this was an extremely interesting finding. I will expand on my thoughts in the final section of my paper.
“Unfriending My Ex and Other Things I’ll Never Do” answered my questions, and I agreed with most of the points the book made. They echoed my own experiences with social media enabling technology in terms of ultimately feeling less satisfied with my relationships and feeling as though I was missing parts of life around me that I should have been tuned in to and living moment-by-moment, rather than down at a screen.
Although my questions were answered, I am not sure how reliable I can claim the answers I found to be. The book was limited in its ability to answer my questions, as it was only one person’s opinions and views. However, the book listed multiple sources, some of which were studies, others articles in newspapers, but mainly were revelations the author had come to through her experiences with social media technology, or examples of other’s lives that she had seen disrupted by overuse of technology and under appreciation of people.
The main take away I had from this book in regards to my question was that people aren’t too reliant on technology that connects them to social networking sites, but they don’t know how to control their use of technology in order to have it function has a tool to connect with others rather than an interference to pre-existing relationships. I already briefly touched on the effects these social media are having, including a shortened attention span, damaged ability to retain information, and heightened anxiety, as well as possibly addiction to social media and increased narcissism in users of social media. To address my final question of whether we would be better off without social media, I’d have to agree with the response Stolz gave in the closing chapter of her book which I addressed earlier— no. To leave social media behind altogether is not only impossible, but impractical. As much as social media may be a hindrance, they have enough benefits that if we can learn to use them correctly and to maintain our humanity by disconnecting when we need to, we will find the balance necessary to be successful, happy technology users.
Former MTV host and American’s Next Top Model contestant Kim Stolz reviews her personal experiences with the consequences of being overly attached to and overly dependent on social media. She cites a plethora of negative outcomes, which she attributes to her inability to detach from the “digital self."
The premise of the book stems from Stolz’s undertaking to go without her phone or any internet (including email, texting, Google, and of course social media) for one week. Her inspiration is Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden,” in which Thoreau narrates his time spent over a two-year period where he lives on his own in nature, contemplating his existence and what the world at large has to offer, as well as what it is lacking.
Through her experiment, Stolz realizes that her phone has become a “phantom limb." She continually reaches for it, expecting it to be a few inches away, only to be disappointed when she finds nothing. She explains that it feels like her phone connects her to others, but she acknowledges it as a source of distraction, causing harm to her relationships when she gives it more weight and attention than them.
The author notes her parents are only friends with people on Facebook that they are friends with offline as well. Although her parents are not as quick to adopt social media technology, they do enjoy it once they find the niche that serves them best. For narcissism, Stolz recalls both personal stories and examples of friends who were always trying to keep up with the Jones’s by having the best photos of the best night with the best food and the most fun. She remarks on the absurdity of this practice, claiming that people are ridiculous for thinking their life is so special that is deserves to be recorded and then broadcast to hundreds if not thousands of people who all have their own business to take care of, not to mention their own stories to share.
Despite holding this view, she concedes that when she saw one of her exes out with some of her old friends, she felt a pang of jealousy. She recalls that the group appears to be having such a good time, and without her, which only lowered her self-esteem. Thankfully, she pulls back and reminds herself that the image was carefully planned and executed, and is not representative of how the night actually went, so there is no need to feel left out or lonely.
Apart from theories discussed in class or readings, Stolz mentions several negative effects of technology, citing articles from various sources including the New York Times and the San Francisco Chronicle which show that as people engage more heavily with social media and technology, their ability to empathize decreases. She expresses her concern over this fact, noting that the machines we use are removing the very essence of our humanity- that is, the ability to connect with others. Another finding was that attention spans decrease and worry and anxiety increase after extended cell phone and social media use. Stolz again speaks from her own life, writing that she used to enjoy a cup of coffee while she read the morning news, but now, she can’t even sit through one article, because it seems too long, and she can’t retain any of it. However, despite all this, Stolz ends on a hopeful note.
In the conclusion of her book, Stolz admits that we can’t abandon technology and social media altogether. She recognizes the need to remain connected and up-to-date in a technology-infused world, but stresses the importance of finding balance. Her own experience, though refreshing, still did not result in her being able to totally control her impulses and to have a new level of control over her urges to check her phone. I thought this was an extremely interesting finding. I will expand on my thoughts in the final section of my paper.
“Unfriending My Ex and Other Things I’ll Never Do” answered my questions, and I agreed with most of the points the book made. They echoed my own experiences with social media enabling technology in terms of ultimately feeling less satisfied with my relationships and feeling as though I was missing parts of life around me that I should have been tuned in to and living moment-by-moment, rather than down at a screen.
Although my questions were answered, I am not sure how reliable I can claim the answers I found to be. The book was limited in its ability to answer my questions, as it was only one person’s opinions and views. However, the book listed multiple sources, some of which were studies, others articles in newspapers, but mainly were revelations the author had come to through her experiences with social media technology, or examples of other’s lives that she had seen disrupted by overuse of technology and under appreciation of people.
The main take away I had from this book in regards to my question was that people aren’t too reliant on technology that connects them to social networking sites, but they don’t know how to control their use of technology in order to have it function has a tool to connect with others rather than an interference to pre-existing relationships. I already briefly touched on the effects these social media are having, including a shortened attention span, damaged ability to retain information, and heightened anxiety, as well as possibly addiction to social media and increased narcissism in users of social media. To address my final question of whether we would be better off without social media, I’d have to agree with the response Stolz gave in the closing chapter of her book which I addressed earlier— no. To leave social media behind altogether is not only impossible, but impractical. As much as social media may be a hindrance, they have enough benefits that if we can learn to use them correctly and to maintain our humanity by disconnecting when we need to, we will find the balance necessary to be successful, happy technology users.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 3, 2018
I am an America's Next Top Model binger. I like watching entire seasons in a day while organizing my garage or going through a closet. Nonetheless, when I read that the author was an America's Next Top Model contestant, I'll admit it meant very little to me. What struck me as interesting is that Unfriending My Ex: Confessions of a Social Media Addict is about digital overload in today's society.
As a teacher at a 1:1 school, this is always on my mind. Are my students being overexposed to technology? Am I hurting, or helping? This book contains references to Thoreau, and Emerson (which may make it worth it for anyone who teaches transcendentalism) which are well done. It also contains sources varying from dictionary definitions to scientific journals. While it is told mainly in a narrative, it is a nonfiction that is easy to read and on a topic that I feel many students would be interested in.
Some of the chapters parents may not want their pre-teens reading (like when Kim shares a story of being in bed with her girlfriend and deciding whether or not to stop the bedtime activities to check her phone...)
As a teacher at a 1:1 school, this is always on my mind. Are my students being overexposed to technology? Am I hurting, or helping? This book contains references to Thoreau, and Emerson (which may make it worth it for anyone who teaches transcendentalism) which are well done. It also contains sources varying from dictionary definitions to scientific journals. While it is told mainly in a narrative, it is a nonfiction that is easy to read and on a topic that I feel many students would be interested in.
Some of the chapters parents may not want their pre-teens reading (like when Kim shares a story of being in bed with her girlfriend and deciding whether or not to stop the bedtime activities to check her phone...)
April 17, 2022
This book was published in 2014 and I added it to my TBR shelf not long after, when it was no doubt much more relevant. A lot has changed in the 8 years since the book hit the shelves. For example, the author makes frequent references to Foursquare. Foursquare became Swarmm in 2014, and then kind of went the way of Friendster. Twitter upped its character limit from 140 to 280. Tiktok is now a thing. In 2014, nobody was thinking about a pandemic or a reality tv host being elected President of the United States.
That being said, most of the basic lessons about how we live our lives online and how that can affect our real life relationships still hold true. The anecdotes are amusing and the book is a quick read overall. If you don't mind the commentary being somewhat dated, I think it's still worth the minimal time commitment.
That being said, most of the basic lessons about how we live our lives online and how that can affect our real life relationships still hold true. The anecdotes are amusing and the book is a quick read overall. If you don't mind the commentary being somewhat dated, I think it's still worth the minimal time commitment.
April 3, 2019
The idea behind this book was somewhat interesting, but the execution was lacking. Stolz weaves statistics and quotes from people interviewed in between her own stories and experiences. Sometimes this felt forced, and very often, this felt repetitive. The entire book was pretty much just 'social media can be good, but heres ways my friends and I show its bad side, and this dr. agrees!' Also, every friend in this book seems to have cheated on partners because of social media, and every example of this bugged the hell out of me. I pretty much just kept reading to see if I would hit a story that actually felt funny, but that never happened so I have no idea why reviewers thought this was hilarious.
June 18, 2018
For being such a slim volume, there was a lot more research included than I thought there would be. My initial view was that this would be another quasi-celeb's memoir about ridiculous social media-related anecdotes. It was that, but not as shallow as I anticipated. Stolz backs up much of what she is saying with research. Not terrible, and she's a decent writer. Her addiction to social media is a little alarming though.
July 25, 2018
The first half was decent. Cited a few books and researchers here and there, but overall no new ideas. The second half of the book felt like the author was making excuses and blaming smartphones and social media for the decline of relationships in her anecdotes. It's not Facebook/the iPhone's fault that people cheat.
October 14, 2018
I started to read this, and read the first chapter, but I found it totally unrelatable. Maybe I'm just too old to understand the obsession with phones and tablets (I'm only 51), but this author came across to me as one of those people I really dislike. So I gave up a few pages into the second chapter.
February 23, 2025
read this because have been rewatching the season of antm kim is on and was curious. very repetitive, this could've been an essay. does not have the depth to really explore the negatives of tech and social media (esp in today's landscape) beyond personal anecdotes that seem more indicative of her own problems rather than technology as a whole.
January 29, 2019
I had no idea who Kim Stolz was when I picked up this book. I work as a volunteer at the local library and had seen this book on the browsing shelf (where librarians put their recommendations) for several weeks before picking it up. An interesting read but by no means riveting.
July 3, 2024
For true social media addicts, this book can be an eye opener.
Funny, witty, but totally not for me.
Did not finish
Funny, witty, but totally not for me.
Did not finish
July 5, 2024
2 Stars
September 9, 2015
Very helpful for gaining a broader perspective on how technology, specifically smart phones, are changing what it means to be human.
The image I'm getting is of a reality where we are all separate entities interacting with others, primarily, via the medium of a screen. Sharing the illusion that we are all together in a Cyberworld, we are actually very alone. Also, in the Cyberworld--every one is as good-looking as possible and lives as exciting and adventurous a life as possible. As Stoltz says--"its all in the presentation."
What the above does is:
1. Pressures us to be as beautiful as possible in real life, or feel bad;
2.Pressures us to live as exciting and adventurous a life as possible in the real world, or feel bad.
3. Actually be rejected by others in the real world (e.g. after a Tinder fling) because the Cyberworld promises there is someone more interesting, more good looking for your partner to encounter.
4. The inability, by more and more people (especially those born around 1997--i.e. those who were age 10 when the iPhone appeared in 2007)--to interact with others in the real world.
5. The inability of the same people to feel actual empathy. Remember--the intermediary of the screen may make it feel easier to be mean to someone else, but the recipient still feels the sting, perhaps even more intensely--when it comes through a screen rather than delivered face to face.
6. Quote: "As we keep a tally of the tens or twenties or hundreds of people who like what we are doing…we delude ourselves into thinking that our lives are worthy of 24/7 documentation--and even worse, that our self worth is based on the attention we receive on-line."
7. Raises the question: If someone is not a good-enough friend to send you photos s/he would like you to see, do you want to bother viewing his/her photos on Facebook?
Also, Stoltz explains that when we fall "in love" it is with an idea of the person not the person specifically. In the "old" days--barring a Cyrano de Bergerac or "Shop Around the Corner" situation--the person is usually what we would be seeing and interacting with as we fell in love with the idea of the person. Today, we can fall in love with an on-line image long before we meet the actual person. There is then the very real risk that--since its all about the presentation and we often put our best image (even if not completely accurate) on line--when the other actually meets us, we do not live up to the idea of us in their heads. Yet, even if by some miracle the reality of us meets or surpasses the fantasy of us, there are now all those more-than-ideal images of potential romantic partners out there, for the other to be distracted by.
In a way, this is a little like the ducklings who imprint as their mother, the first thing they see--whether or not it is their mother. In both cases its an idea in the head that is placed either on a person/mother duck or a cyber-creation/some other thing--which ever is seen first.
Perhaps a reason reality-tv people have take over the gossip mags is because the more outrageous the behavior of reality tv people, it seems, the more we are drawn to them. Since they only need to be themselves they do not need to behave in order to do a job, for example. Yet when it comes to established actors and actresses, outrageous behavior that makes them difficult to work with, gets them unemployed.
Quote: "No matter the motive--romantic, professional or otherwise--we are increasingly turning to our social media sites and profiles to influence the world's perception of who we are" (174.)
According to Arianna a possible reason our leaders are failing us is "because they are hyper-connected to technology , and not sufficiently connected to their own wisdom" ((189).
March 3, 2016
I'm a little surprised to see such reviews expressing distaste for this book, that the author was so unknown (why does that even matter??), that she was too deep in the online world she spoke of when it came to social media... Firstly, I didn't know who she was, even though I vaguely remember watching Top Model- I don't remember her. I'd don't care that I don't know who she was or is today. Personally, I'm not into social media like she was, but that was kind her point- being apart of reality television at a point in her life, the social media platform was part of the deal.
I thought this book was witty, funny, a little scary, informative and some lessons to be learned (though, I'm not sure how much can be learned as our online presence only seems to be growing and becoming more required). So many valid points made, so many reasons to think of your own presence online and how much it takes up your life (I deleted my Twitter account immediately upon finishing this book- Facebook is enough for me).
Personally, I'm not on all the platforms she's on. I know many people that are and I see disturbing similarities. It takes great effort these days to put your phone down and simply not check it for an extended period of time. (I'm certain this is why mindfulness is so difficult these days). It's easy to fall in the trap of trying to decipher what tone a text message had, why your significant other is still 'Facebook friends' with their exes, why your friends aren't liking a post you made and how it can send you into a spiral of anxiety. And I think she addresses it all. Though she admits she hasn't changed her habits (and she's clearly, VERY upset that Friendster is gone). I would love to force a few friends to read this, but, alas, I know they won't have the attention span to finish it because their phones keep lighting up or they are waiting for a response text message they sent 30 seconds ago.
I thought this was a great book. As someone who isn't as involved in the online world as much as the author, it's a lesson for me to stay that way. Even consider more time away. I think the reviewers of this book are an excellent example she makes- it's too easy these days to be extremely judgemental and critical when you are sitting behind a screen. The likelihood of repeating harsh words to someone's face- unlikely.
I thought this book was witty, funny, a little scary, informative and some lessons to be learned (though, I'm not sure how much can be learned as our online presence only seems to be growing and becoming more required). So many valid points made, so many reasons to think of your own presence online and how much it takes up your life (I deleted my Twitter account immediately upon finishing this book- Facebook is enough for me).
Personally, I'm not on all the platforms she's on. I know many people that are and I see disturbing similarities. It takes great effort these days to put your phone down and simply not check it for an extended period of time. (I'm certain this is why mindfulness is so difficult these days). It's easy to fall in the trap of trying to decipher what tone a text message had, why your significant other is still 'Facebook friends' with their exes, why your friends aren't liking a post you made and how it can send you into a spiral of anxiety. And I think she addresses it all. Though she admits she hasn't changed her habits (and she's clearly, VERY upset that Friendster is gone). I would love to force a few friends to read this, but, alas, I know they won't have the attention span to finish it because their phones keep lighting up or they are waiting for a response text message they sent 30 seconds ago.
I thought this was a great book. As someone who isn't as involved in the online world as much as the author, it's a lesson for me to stay that way. Even consider more time away. I think the reviewers of this book are an excellent example she makes- it's too easy these days to be extremely judgemental and critical when you are sitting behind a screen. The likelihood of repeating harsh words to someone's face- unlikely.
May 16, 2016
If the book is titled "Unfriending My Ex", you'd think there'd be more discussion about the ex in question or the breakup or SOMETHING to do with the relationship. That's the only reason I was really interested in this book in the first place because I, like many others before and many more after me, I'm sure, have had my heart broken and then had to wrestle with the fact that the person in question is only a click away. In light of this, a discussion about what this means for our daily lives - woven into a biographical or autobiographical account of that impact, of course - sounded interesting.
Spoiler alert: this book barely touches on that. Sure, she spends pages and pages telling us stuff that any New Media graduate would know, making this book tiring, repetitive, and not the least bit new or intriguing. Seeing as how I am a New Media graduate, you can understand how I felt about this book.
The other thing that really just got my goat about this is how she's actually the WORST when it comes to her own social media use. Obviously I wouldn't believe any person who's under 35 and doesn't feel addicted to their phone and social media in SOME WAY but srsly, the stories she was spouting are just so beyond ridiculous that I wonder how anyone can live that way. (#jokes just watch my friends and family would read this book and say I'm just like her, but I really don't think that's true, for once.) If you're going to preach about how we need to spend less time on social media and we need to do this or that in order to achieve that, don't go and full out admit that you don't do any of that and are just as bad off as when you started writing the book. That type of hypocrisy just really aggravates me and basically discredits any of the good points she might have made.
It's quite frustrating to be this disappointed with non fiction time and time again. #butwhensitgetgood
Spoiler alert: this book barely touches on that. Sure, she spends pages and pages telling us stuff that any New Media graduate would know, making this book tiring, repetitive, and not the least bit new or intriguing. Seeing as how I am a New Media graduate, you can understand how I felt about this book.
The other thing that really just got my goat about this is how she's actually the WORST when it comes to her own social media use. Obviously I wouldn't believe any person who's under 35 and doesn't feel addicted to their phone and social media in SOME WAY but srsly, the stories she was spouting are just so beyond ridiculous that I wonder how anyone can live that way. (#jokes just watch my friends and family would read this book and say I'm just like her, but I really don't think that's true, for once.) If you're going to preach about how we need to spend less time on social media and we need to do this or that in order to achieve that, don't go and full out admit that you don't do any of that and are just as bad off as when you started writing the book. That type of hypocrisy just really aggravates me and basically discredits any of the good points she might have made.
It's quite frustrating to be this disappointed with non fiction time and time again. #butwhensitgetgood
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