Tidying the Abyss: A Practical Guide to Cleaning and Organizing While Exhausted and Overwhelmed

by Amanda Dodson

A gentle, hands-on resource offering mental health-sensitive, disability-informed advice for those who do not have the privilege, bandwidth, or access to keep their home—and life—in a perfectly-ordered state.

Amanda Stuckey Dodson prided herself on her ability to maintain a peaceful, clean there wasn’t any mess that couldn’t be fixed by plastic organizing bins, spreadsheets, and a can-do attitude. When her life was upended by chronic illness, leaving her unable to maintain her elaborate cleaning systems, she learned that the hardest part wasn’t becoming organized, it was staying organized. Facing an unusually messy home, she knew she needed a different approach.
    Tidying the Abyss is a gentle, step-by-step guide to keeping house when everything around you is falling apart. Dodson, a clinical social worker turned professional organizer, advocates for the abandoning of perfection to make room for creative, livable solutions. No matter where you fall on the spectrum of being chronically ill, neurodivergent, or hopeless at home maintenance, you need more than just organizational tips- you need a practice. Within these pages you’ll find guidance Managing motivation and overwhelm; Addressing your basic needs with systems for trash, kitchen & dishes, and laundry; Creating order in your most-used spaces (think bedroom and bathroom); and Common life complications like pet-related chaos or managing housework as a caregiver or as a parent When the dishes, the laundry, and the bills mercilessly persist, piling all around, Tidying theAbyss empowers you to face the chaos and define new standards for your home. With a little bit of compassion and patience, any mess can be cleaned up, one piece at a time.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology

320 pages, Hardcover

First published November 11, 2025

Reviews

[Kaitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Stars

I found this book incredibly approachable, nonjudgmental, and practical for anyone who struggles with cleaning and organizing their home. I originally picked this book up because I very much enjoyed How to Keep House While Drowning, and I thought this may be similar. I would say they are definitely in the same vein, but this book has more practical tips and steps to clean and organize, no matter your energy level or barriers.

I'm knocking one star off because I didn't agree with everything in the book, and at times, the way personality types were categorized felt a bit too reductive. Nevertheless, this book provides a helpful perspective that challenges strict, morally-bound cleaning and organization standards of old. There are several tips and tricks I will take away from this book!

[LauraBeach123 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tidying the Abyss is a refreshing, realistic, and compassionate guide to keeping your home orderly while also being kind to yourself. Amanda Stuckey Dodson doesn’t strive for perfection, she approaches it with understanding and humor. The book blends practical advice with gentle encouragement, showing that home care isn’t about spotless rooms, it’s about creating a space that supports your life.

What makes this book stand out is how comprehensive it is. Each room of the house gets its own section, full of small, doable habits that build on each other. Drawing on concepts from some of my other favorite books, Fair Play and Atomic Habits, Dodson shows how home routines when made realistic and can actually stick. It’s less about rigid systems and more about sustainability, which makes it feel manageable for busy people and families alike (even those with pets!)

As a preschool teacher, I especially appreciated the section on “teaching” young children to clean. Dodson emphasizes that while it’s more work at first, modeling and including kids in the process pays off in the long run: helping toddlers learn responsibility and confidence that eventually grows into teens who actually help. It’s such an important skill to teach our young!

The book perfect for neurodivergent readers. Dodson acknowledges how clutter, sensory overload, or executive dysfunction can complicate home care and she offers gentle, flexible strategies that avoid adding guilt or pressure with each to read charts.

Two quotes from this book that I really enjoyed were:

“One of the trickiest parts of cohabitation is the incorrect assumption that you are, at all times, a very reasonable person. And pretty much easy to live with!”

“Housework is only boring if you allow it to be, if you refuse to become interested. This is the core of mindfulness—that anything can be interesting.”

Tidying the Abyss isn’t just about a cleaner home, it’s about creating order with self-compassion. A must-read for anyone who wants a gentler, more mindful approach to daily life.

[Diane Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Tidying the Abyss, it’s like the author has snuck around in my house at night while I was sleeping. Otherwise, how does she know that I have an unopened mop box (she must have missed the still boxed Roomba, vacuum and generic swift jet in my garage)? She even mentioned my tower of plastic bins holding who knows what stored in the corner of my family room. I admit I have bought duplicate items rather than look for them in those bins.

Seriously, the first third of this book, it seemed the author knew exactly who I was. That alone made me feel better—knowing I wasn’t alone with my decluttering/cleaning issues. Most of the remaining chapters give decluttering/cleaning tips for cleaning each room of your home. There are even extra tips for those with physical or mental challenges to help them cope better. The last few chapters deal with how to make cleaning and decluttering a habit and how to avoid backsliding.

Overall, Tidying the Abyss was the best motivation I’ve read to, well, tidy the abyss. The tips are good but the explanations for the root causes were even better. If you have some issues with keeping your place tidy, this is the book for you. 5 stars and a favorite.

Thanks to NetGalley and Balance for providing me with an advanced review copy.

[Caroline Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

thoughtful, realistic approach to keeping house for anyone and everyone! this book is full of personality and humor which keeps it lighthearted and enjoyable to read.

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 5 out of 5]

The one issue I had with this book isn’t a bad complaint— it was so thorough that it sometimes felt overwhelming and it took me a while to read it. I also promptly forgot all of the wise stuff in it by the time I got through it all because that’s how my brain is, even after highlighting. But it is worth my going through it several times to make those highlighted parts stick.

I really appreciated that this book gives practical advice and not just empathy for people who struggle with housework for physical, psychological, mental or other reasons. How to Keep House While Drowning was revolutionary and beloved because it was the first cleaning book to speak to us lovingly and to tell us we weren’t bad people if we were messy. But mostly that was just a short book that did that well, and it sort of just gave us a pass to do whatever we could, however we could.

This book really gives you tools, room by room and issue by issue, on how to handle housekeeping despite your challenges. Are you neurodivergent and have sensory issues with cleaning the toilet? Here’s a list of ways to accommodate that. Is your partner chronically ill and you’re overwhelmed? Here are practical and psychological tips to help you both. Do you have young children? Here’s how to teach them cleaning skills and how to teach them healthy feelings about housework in the process. Here are different schedules of cleaning to choose from since we all have different needs. Here are things to do when you are too unwell to do almost anything.

The author is neurodivergent and has chronic illness herself, plus a psychological background, and her husband has MS. She runs a business helping people with mental and physical illnesses to get their homes in order. So she really has a lot of personal and work experience with this and is able to be absolutely judgment free and compassionate while also being quite practically helpful.

Well recommended.

I read a digital ARC of this book via netgalley.

[Em · Rating 4 out of 5]

I requested "Tidying the Abyss: A Practical Guide to Cleaning and Organizing While Exhausted and Overwhelmed" from NetGalley because organizing and tidying have interested me since childhood, long before decluttering became a cottage industry. At times I think I missed my calling.

My initial impression was mixed. I found the author genuinely funny, but not always a strong writer. One moment that gave me pause was when she shared that she “hired helpers and relied on the generous support of family and friends.” While I do have family and friends, hiring help simply isn’t within my means, and that line landed with a bit of heaviness for me.

That said, this book isn’t trying to be "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up," and it shouldn’t be judged by that standard. It isn’t the holy grail of tidying books, but that’s also not its purpose. What "Tidying the Abyss" offers instead is something gentler and more compassionate.

Written by a therapist, the book openly explores how a messy home often reflects a messy life. When life tips over your apple cart, as it did for the author, our homes are often the first thing to fall apart. I appreciated her honesty in sharing her own descent into overwhelm and her realistic acknowledgment that medical issues, exhaustion, grief, and life disruptions make traditional “just do it” advice impossible.

This book will be most helpful for people who feel completely overwhelmed by homemaking, unsure where to begin, or weighed down by shame about their living space. It meets readers where they are, offers encouragement rather than judgment, and frames tidying as a form of care rather than a moral failing.

Many thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for providing me with a copy to read and review.

[Sally Wilsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tidying the Abyss by Amanda Dodson

I got this book because it was calling my name and I could relate to the description.
As a caretaker to my partner of over 20 years who has dementia I could relate to her issues and journey.
I was looking for a way to keep my house clean and deal with the messes caused by dementia not my partner. He does his best, but the disease can overtake him.
I like the way the book is split into rooms and tackles the everyday problems in an achievable way. When it is all left to you it can be overwhelming and stressful, but this way is a way to do it without the stress.
I recommend this book highly for anyone dealing with someone ill or just anyone overwhelmed.

[Hannah Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall this was informative, gentle, and helpful!
I would have personally benefitted a bit more if the section on kids was more fleshed out. Kids really do make things so much more chaotic and hard to keep up with (I’m glad she included some statistics in this about just how much MORE parents are taking on than those without kids). In the section though, it kind of took a turn from the more implementable, practical tips in other chapters, and became more tips about teaching kids to clean so they can have the skills to housekeep on their own in the future. Still great and helpful though, but was just looking for a little more there as that’s what I was expecting while reading some of the other very in depth chapters!

[C · Rating 2 out of 5]

I borrowed this book with the intention to learn more about tidying my place.

Amanda shares many different methods of how to start tidying, managing expectations of tidying and actionable steps to get things started without being overwhelmed.

This book is suitable for people who do not know where or how to start tidying a place. As a mum, my circumstances had caused me to first, lower my expectations on the definitions of cleanliness, two, find the best and fastest way to clean things and organize them. While Amanda’s advice can be useful, I find that the book consists too much fluff and hence it gets a 2 stars for this.

[Karen B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful book on tidying up all areas of your life. No major changes needed, no life altering aha moments, just little tips that you can change to improve on all things from organization to cleaning habits to eating healthy. Written and narrated by a licensed therapist and professional organizer, this was a practical guide that was easy to listen to. I am happy to have the ebook version as well, as I went back to highlight points to refer back to.
Thanks to Hachette Audio for the ALC and Grand Central Publishing | Balance via NetGalley for the eARC.

[Allie R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tidying the Abyss isn’t necessarily about creating a perfect home. Instead, it focuses on creating systems that work when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or burnt out. The tone is very kind and nonjudgmental, and it felt validating to read something that acknowledges real life instead of Instagram-clean standards.

There truly is something for everyone in this guide and I plan to use it as a future resource.
Highly recommend if traditional cleaning advice usually just makes you run in the opposite direction.

Thank you NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for a digital ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[Janelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though I disagreed with some of the author's ideas about women and marriage as well as the occasional swear word...it is an exceptionally well written book for people with chronic illness or a disability! There is no other book out there on this subject! Very helpful and very funny! A must read for anyone who is struggling!

[Brittany Lindsey-Cook · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent guide to getting your house back in order and creating a routine in life. The author gives a tangible step by step guide to all walks along life. As someone who struggles to focus on routine in cleaning due to ADHD, I found it incredibly helpful!

[Katerina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative, loved it and would recommend to anyone looking to manage their space!

Thank you, NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the ARC!

[Annelies]

Niet echt relevant voor mij, maar mss wel voor anderen. Daarom geen sterren.

[Ari Gibbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

The tone of the book feels reflective rather than directive, which made it more engaging for me.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly what I needed during this time!

[Kaylyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came across this book on TikTok and enjoyed it more than I expected. The first section was especially helpful in helping me identify my own organizational style, and how it differs from my partner’s. This alone is useful for understanding and resolving conflicts around cleaning habits and daily living.

More importantly, the first section also delves into where our ideals and values about cleaning come from. The author breaks down many commonly held beliefs or moral expectations around cleanliness and emphasizes that there is no universally “right” way to clean. What’s “right” is simply what feels right for you, your body, and the way you live.

The second section moves into practical tips for organizing each room in the house. While it’s detail-oriented and actionable, I personally found the overarching ideas somewhat repetitive, and felt they could have been distilled into broader themes or frameworks that can be applied to any room/household. For example:
1. Start small. Declutter existing messes before attempting to organize.
2. Organize based on living habits. Identify how you naturally use your spaces and zone accordingly. Use trays, drop zones, and bins where piles tend to form, to contain clutter.
3. Use functional access zones. Divide your spaces into “grab zones,” “reach-for-it zones,” and “difficult-to-access zones.” Place items according to how often you use them.
4. Create smaller divisions when needed. Use simple dividers inside cupboards for small items, but avoid overly intricate organizers that make items harder to store.

All in all, I would recommend this book to young adults, newly married couples, or anyone looking to organize their home more effectively.