Between Perfect and Real

by Ray Stoeve

Take the Mic contributor Ray Stoeve's Between Perfect and Real, about a closeted trans boy who realizes after he's cast as Romeo in the school play that he can't go back to being seen as a girl when he steps off the stage, to Maggie Lehrman at Amulet, in a two-book deal.

Genres: LGBT, Young Adult, Contemporary, Queer, Romance, Transgender, Fiction

1 pages, Audio CD

First published April 27, 2021

About the author

RAY STOEVE is the author of The Summer Love Strategy, Arden Grey, and Between Perfect and Real. They also contributed to the young adult anthology Take The Mic: Fictional Stories of Everyday Resistance. They created the YA/MG Trans and Nonbinary Voices Masterlist, a database that tracks all books in those age categories written by trans authors about trans characters. When they’re not writing, they can be found gardening, making art in other mediums, or hiking their beloved Pacific Northwest. Find them online @raystoeve and www.raystoeve.com.

Reviews

[daph pink ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Between perfect and real is a fabulous, powerful, heartfelt, emotional, heart wrenching story about finding your voice, your identity, exploring friendship and love. It's about that gap between perfect and real, about that bridge between perfect and real we all know exists but we are scared to cross.

It's a story. about Dean, a trans MC who is cast as Romeo in “Romeo and Juliet”? I don't wanna spoil you with anything so I am not gonna go deep in plot section. Its full of fun moments like when Dean spends time with his friends and explores about himself , when he joins trans support group and come to know about infinite possibilities the future hold for him. At the same time there were many sad moments like his constant battle with his mom , about coming out to his parents. It celebrates friendship and love that hurts and everything in between. A painful story about growth and future and what it truly means to close that gap between perfect and real.

I loved the big queer and diverse cast . Zoe ( Dean's girlfriend) is a lesbian, Ronnie( dean's bestfriend) is black and gay, and Allison( Zoe's bestfriend and Dean's friend) is bisexual and Japanese-american. Then we have Nina and Jade,
who are trans and nonbinary respectively who Dean become friends with through trans support group. I loved how supportive they were throughout the book and provided him with love and support he needed.

The writing was poignant and moving , definitely looking forward to reading more from this author..

[theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Between Perfect and Real is a moving story of gender euphoria, coming into yourself and finding your place in the world. Following a trans boy cast as a “non traditional” Romeo in his school’s theatre performance, Stoeve’s debut takes readers through the highs and lows of coming out as trans while exploring privilege, community and gender.

I really enjoyed this book! Dean had such a strong voice and it was so easy to connect with him and empathise with what he was going through. I really loved his development, as he went from being unsure and full of self doubt to really coming into himself and learning to trust himself. I also loved his relationship with his friends, especially Ronnie, who was just the sweetest! This book also explored some more difficult relationships and the struggles Dean went through as not everyone in his life was accepting which wasn’t always easy to read but read very authentically. Theatre has never been something I personally enjoy but Dean’s narration made his love of it so clear and I really enjoyed reading about why it meant so much to him and the role it played in his self discovery.

Something I really appreciated in this book was the discussions surrounding privilege and, in particular, showing cis queer people as being just as capable of transphobia and getting things wrong as non-LGBTQ+ people. This is such an important narrative to explore and I felt that Stoeve handled it really well. Additionally, I loved the emphasis placed on online communities and resources for learning about the transgender experience as this is such a key part in people discovering their LGBTQ+ identities (it certainly was for me!) and felt very authentic to include. Another thing I loved was the acknowledgement of the need for trans spaces and community while coming into and accepting this identity, and the friends Dean found there.

My only faults of the book were that there were a lot of characters and I found it quite difficult to keep track of them all in the beginning. I also thought that the ending was quite abrupt and quick and would have loved to spend a bit more time on it. I would also say that the characterisation of Zoe, Dean’s girlfriend, made me a bit uncomfortable. It felt like the narrative surrounding her fell a bit into the 'lesbians are TERFs' idea as she was the only transphobic queer person, and that she was demonised for breaking up with him because he's trans, rather than because she's a lesbian and not attracted to men. This is not to excuse the horrible transphobic things she says, rather that I wish the narrative did more to disentangle this from her identity as a lesbian.

Between Perfect and Real is an incredible coming of age story that I’m sure is going to become an important book for so many trans readers. Dean’s journey of finding himself and coming into his identity is at once universally relatable and deeply personal and one that I highly recommend!

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*eARC received in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley*

[Miranda Reads (back from hiatus)]

Dean Foster begins senior year between a rock and a hard place..

Dean's used girl pronouns throughout childhood and up until now but something had always felt a little off.

Just in the past few years, Dean came out as a lesbian, and while that felt slightly better...it still didn't feel fully accurate.

Dean's increasingly feeling like something is wrong. And it's only through YouTube and lots of research does the lightbulb ding - he's trans.

But knowing and making that transition are two entirely different things.

Dean feels stuck in his life - can't continue living by she/her but also can't find it within himself to tell his friends and family.

But then, Dean is given a part in the school play - a leading role actually. Romeo.

And Dean takes a deep breath and decides to play Romeo as a guy.

And another breath...and he comes out.

There's just something about a good coming out story that gets me, ya know?

Overall, I loved the concept of this book - Dean getting Romeo's part, balancing his high school life with coming out, and the way family adjusts and overcomes.

However, I did have a difficult time getting into this one. I just felt like a lot of drama was...Dean-made.

Some of the stuff I'm like - let me give him a hug. The poor fella has been through enough.

But other bits had me going like...jeez... can I shake him? Just a little bit?

It felt like he was looking for a fight in everyone and when they weren't going to step up for a fight, he'd storm out anyway then snip to all his friends about the terrible people out there.

For example, one characters asks for time to read and learn about being trans so they know better how to respond and be there for Dean...And Dean rags about them to his friends about how unaccepting they are and how terrible his life has become.

I just felt it wasn't fair of Dean to expect everyone to understand every single nuance of the LGBTQ+ community and transitioning within 48 hours...especially considering Dean spent literally years learning about the nuances before he made any steps.

To be fair, not the whole book was like that. There were elements that worked well and I loved watching him become more comfortable in himself and watching him learn about himself.

The support of the LGBTQ+ community really warmed my heart and elevated the book.

I adored his girlfriend and I really wish the relationship was given more leeway in this book but ah well. Can't have it all.

[charlotte, · Rating 2 out of 5]

On my blog.

Rep: trans mc, lesbian side character, bi Japanese American side character, Black gay side character, trans & nonbinary side characters

CWs: misgendering, deadnaming, outing, transphobic assault, lesbophobic slurs

Galley provided by publisher

Between Perfect and Real is one of those books that I read and I know it’s good, I can tell that, but I just don’t enjoy reading it. That sounds harsh but all I mean is that it’s not for me. It’s a book that another reader may — and I’m sure will — love, but that reader wasn’t me.

The story follows Dean, who is grappling with the knowledge that he is trans. Being cast as Romeo in the school production of Romeo and Juliet gets him thinking though — is it really best to wait until college to come out, or does he want everyone to see him as he is now?

I want to preface the actual review by repeating that everything I have to say here is an explanation of why I didn’t enjoy this book. That doesn’t mean you won’t! In fact, please do disregard this review completely and still read it.

That being said…

I think what struck me most about this one is that I was bored by it. There isn’t really that much plot — a lot of what happens happens internally to Dean. Which is fine, if that’s your thing. But that’s not really my thing. I don’t really like books which are mostly introspective, so this one didn’t do it for me in that sense. (It was also somewhat basic, which isn’t really a complaint, because everyone needs basic coming of age stories. But given what I had been reading, etc etc…)

Then there was the way that Zoe, Dean’s girlfriend, came across. This is a hard one to explain, to be honest, because some of what she was doing or saying was gross and transphobic. But I think that the way the narrative treated her tangled this up with the fact that she’s a lesbian a bit much. Let me try explain this clearly: Zoe being a lesbian means she’s not attracted to men. Dean is a man. So I don’t think Zoe should be demonised, or framed badly, for breaking up with Dean about that. She gave their relationship a go, and came to the conclusion it couldn’t continue. That, to me, is absolutely fine. And I get that this is thorny, especially when it comes to Dean’s feelings on the matter. But Zoe was breaking up with Dean because she’s a lesbian, not because he’s trans. At times, it felt like the narrative didn’t do enough to disentangle that decision from the transphobic things Zoe was doing.

On the whole, it did feel at times like there was a very black-and-white approach taken to issues that I would have said had more nuance (of course, that could easily just be me). Towards the end, it did pick up on this nuance more, but at times it felt a little… inflexible in its views.

And then there was the background cast. There’s this one memorable (in the wrong ways) scene which happens just after Dean’s been beaten up by someone (which, also while we’re here, please be aware that happens, around 60% through I think?, because I wasn’t and that was a bit of a nasty shock), where the Black character suggests calling the police on this guy. It went like so:

Black character: Let’s call the police on this guy
non-Black character: I thought you didn’t like the police
Black character: I don’t but I can make an exception
non-Black character: well you know they wouldn’t do anything with him, he’s rich and white and cishet, they only go after LGBT and POC folks

To me — and I want to stress to me, because I know opinions may differ — that read a little like the non-Black character explaining police brutality-slash-prejudice to the Black character. So that was a bit of a …what moment.

But it wasn’t just that about them, but the fact that, while there were four (or so) background friends — two white, two not — the non-white friends appeared mostly to prop Dean up and support him, while the white friends could converse with Dean about things other than how Dean was doing and how their parents had taken their coming out. This could easily have been coincidental, mind, it’s just it seemed after a bit to have become somewhat of a pattern. It was one of those things that, once you start noticing, you can’t stop. (Although, on the whole, most conversations Dean had with his friends revolved around Dean. I’m not sure I could tell you a whole lot about the background characters really. They weren’t as fleshed out as Dean by a long way.)

So all of this contributed to me not really enjoying this book. It wasn’t bad by a long shot, and it didn’t annoy me like another book I’d read just days before, but I didn’t like reading it. I thought, for a while, that maybe I could rate it 3 stars, but in the end, I couldn’t. But, all that said, please don’t let this review put you off this book. You may find you love it.

[Anniek · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The possibilities are endless."

What a perfect way to end such a perfectly real book. One of the themes of this book is that there's no one way to be trans; being trans comes with infinite possibilites. Dean's story highlights one of those possibilities, but also makes room for all of the others, in the way Dean debates what his transition should look like and the way so many other trans people are featured in this book - I loved the support group Dean went to!

I read this book in one sitting, I just could not put it down. Dean's story spoke to me so much and I loved reading a trans coming out story, we need them so badly!

CWs: transphobia, misgendering, homophobia, bullying, gender dysphoria, mention of a trans person's suicide, deadnaming of said trans person (which I'll admit is the one thing in this book I did find unnecessary and I wish it wasn't included)

[Carmen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The barista sets our cups on the counter. "Here you go, boys." His smile is wide and gap-toothed, and my heart flutters as the words spill out of his mouth. BOYS.
... I look out the window, smiling. I let the pronouns sink in, filling my whole body, and my smile expands until I'm laughing. Ronnie starts laughing too, and then we're contagious, the laughter rolling back and forth between us until we slow to chuckles, and then silence, grinning at each other. I know people are looking at us, but I don't care. pg. 101

This is a book about Dean, a 17-year-old, transitioning from a lesbian to a transman. There's a plot about Dean being the lead (Romeo) in the school play, but the plot about the school play is window dressing, the true nature and focus of this book is Dean's transition and all the pain that accompanies it.

Dean has a dad, a mom who can't accept her daughter is a lesbian - much less a transman, a loving lesbian girlfriend, and a group of LGBTQIA+ friends. Dean's birth-name is a source of great stress to him, and in an interesting twist, Stoeve never tells us what it is. It's never printed on page.


PLOT ANALYSIS:

Well. I am not a transgendered person and I'm far from being a teenager, so please take this review with a grain of salt.

One reason I avoid YA is for the (what I consider) subpar writing, and this book is no exception. It's fine. It's not terrible, but nor is it compelling nor vibrant. Dean, his girlfriend Zoe, and the various other characters have little to no personality. They are bland. Dean and Zoe are both insecure, they both have no real personality to speak of, and there is nothing interesting or captivating about either of them.

It took me about 100 pages to really get on board with this book, and by on-board I meant I felt like I wanted Dean to find happiness and see where things ended up, but I was not gripped. It wasn't gripping. The writing is not interesting enough to grip someone.


STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:

PART ONE: WEAKNESS

Here's where the book struggled:

- Weak, uninteresting characters. When Jared says to Dean (about being Romeo in the play):

"You were made for that role... Dude. You've got that swagger." pg. 59

I'm like, what swagger? There is zero evidence Dean has any kind of swagger and honestly I found the idea rather laughable. He's terribly insecure and also bland. So ??? Trying to build Dean up as something he was not by making the other characters tell us he's that way, but showing absolutely no evidence of it was common in this novel.

- The plot is about Dean's transition, the 'play' plot is mere window dressing. I couldn't care about the play and the little meltdowns Dean was having about the play. The transgender plot was more engaging, but I suppose Stoeve needed something to tie it all together and a sort of lens for Dean to experience his transition through.

- Zoe is a lesbian. Dean is dating her. When Dean tells Zoe he is a man, and starts binding and talking about taking testosterone, and having people call him by him/he pronouns etc., Zoe has a hard time dealing with it and eventually breaks up with him. This makes perfect sense to me. She's a lesbian. She's attracted to women. You're a man now, you want to be seen and treated as a man. So... of course you are going to lose your LESBIAN girlfriend. I don't understand why Zoe is treated as the 'bad guy' in this novel. She's not the bad guy. Nor is she transphobic. She just is romantically and sexually attracted to WOMEN. I was irked that this was treated as her 'being mean.' Or 'doing the wrong thing.' It's not the wrong thing - it's absolutely the right thing. She should break up with Dean and find a girl to date. Because she's A LESBIAN. It's not that she hates Dean or doesn't support him transitioning, or anything. She's actually very sweet. But she wants to date women. I couldn't get on board with seeing her as doing something wrong. I agreed with her and thought she was right.

- AND THEN, Stoeve has her come crawling back to Dean, saying she made a mistake. This is totally unnecessary and I feel like a meaningless 'punishment' of the character of Zoe for leaving Dean. It didn't make any sense and it cheapened the book IMO. Then Dean rejects HER and doesn't take her back, and it's like... 'Oh, Dean is triumphant' or something. NO. JUST NO. Stoeve should have let Zoe keep her dignity and let Dean keep his bittersweet ending of a relationship that, honestly, was obviously just not going to work out, no matter how much he loved her.

- You know you're too old for YA - not when you reach a certain physical age - but when you start to agree with the parents instead of the teenaged main characters. Of course I didn't agree with Dean's mom - angry and lashing out at her kid, first for being gay and secondly for being transgender. I believe in supporting and loving your kids regardless of sexuality, gender identity, getting pregnant, etc. etc. etc. But I'm not going to lie, I did agree with Ronnie's dad. Ronnie wants his dad to pay for him to go to college in NYC and get a degree in fashion design. Jamal is like, 'No way. You won't succeed. It's flushing money down the toilet.' I tend to agree with him. I don't think Ronnie will succeed, and I would also be hesitant to spend tens of thousands of dollars sending him to NYC for a fashion design degree. Because I'm a heartless, cynical adult now. Ronnie gets a happy ending, his dad caves. So don't worry.




STRENGTHS

- It's obvious Dean loves Zoe. I like that.

- Dean struggles with standing up for himself. I think this is very realistic. His struggles with the school bully (Blake) are very realistic. Dean isn't confident and he's not comfortable getting physical throwing down with another guy. He just kind of tolerates it and ignores it and hopes it goes away. This is a very understandable and human response to bullying. I liked that there was no dramatic takedown of Blake or attempt to make Dean some macho fighter or something.

- Page 58. On this page, Jared and Dean have a great discussion about toxic masculinity. It's nuanced, Jared being a straight cisgender who dislikes his 'skater bros' calling people 'pussies' and saying degrading things about women. He loves the skater culture, but can't stand the misogyny. Dean also examines his feelings for loving being included as 'one of the guys' when the skater bros say disgusting stuff about women in front of him - he's passing! - but also sick because he's not standing up for women or calling them on their shit. This kind of complex thinking is good and reminds me of the (skilled) way Stoeve handles bullying in this book.

- The conversation between Zoe and Dean where Zoe talks about how bad men are in bed and how she's only found sexual satisfaction with Dean, another women. (Dean hasn't come out to her as transgender at this time.) Dean feels a sinking feeling because he knows he's eventually going to tell her that he's a transman and that means he's going to get lumped in with other men in her mind.

- Dean goes through hell at school when he comes out as a transman and it's pretty realistic. I felt horrible for him. I liked that Stoeve faced this and didn't sugarcoat it. I can't stand books like The Prince and the Dressmaker for this reason.

- I liked how the book ended. I liked that Dean DIDN'T get into NYU, and he lost his girlfriend as a result of his transition. This is a more realistic take. I appreciated a less shiny ending.


MIXED BAG

- Race. Dean is white and often Stoeve shoves these awkward, out-of-nowhere thoughts and sentences that Dean has, along the lines of 'Why are we studying old dead white men?' and 'our racist founding fathers' and blah blah blah. It seems forced and simply a way to signal how 'woke' Dean is.

Then, there are scenes in the book where Dean and his friends discuss race and it's totally natural - like when Dean and his (Black) best friend Ronnie talk about race in the context of LGBTQIA+. Or when he and his friends discuss calling the cops on Blake. I wish Stoeve had waited for these moments and made it seems natural when Dean discusses racism, instead of cramming it in awkwardly at random spots to hammer home how liberal he is, or something.



TL;DR A good fictional account of a transgender teenager coming out in senior year of high school. I find the writing mediocre and the characters bland, but that doesn't mean the book wouldn't be useful or helpful to teenagers (or adults, I guess), and Stoeve is certainly not stupid. They present bullying, toxic masculinity, and LGBTQIA+ issues in a nuanced and realistic way IMO. I prefer books about transgendered individuals that are either fiction aimed at an adult audience or a non-fiction account (memoir) rather than YA. So please take that into account when reading this review. I don't really like YA, period. I think a good, strong, well-written YA book is VERY RARE, and this is not an example of that. Like most YA, it's flat.

But as a tool for helping people either understand some ideas about transgender experience or helping people who are also going through a transgender transition, I think this could be useful. There's nothing egregiously bad here, it's simply tepid. Even the book's treatment of Zoe is rather mild and not something I'm going to scream about. It just mildly irked me. It's hard to get worked up about this book because it's so basic.

In case anyone is curious: No one has sex, teenagers smoke weed, Dean binds his breasts once with duct tape (although the book is very clear that this is a bad idea). In case you were wondering about content.


NAMES IN THIS BOOK:

Dean – m, transman
Olivia f
Blake m
Courtney f
Zoe f
Ronnie m
Sheena f
Allison f
Troy m
Jared m
Harvey m
Leon m
Jamal m
Arlene f
Jade, transwoman
Nina, transwoman, might be nonbinary
Isaac, transman
Miles, m
Maggie f
Kestrel, they/them, nonbinary
Samir, transman
Phil/Tara – transwoman

[Adri · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

CWs: Bullying, transphobia and transphobic violence, harassment, minor outings of a trans person, deadnaming (dead name not mentioned on the page), homophobia and homophobic slurs, mention of suicide, and explorations of dysphoria

Between Perfect and Real is a love letter to young trans readers. It's a story that shows a young character coming into his transness—fearing the unknown implications of what that can mean for him, how that might change his relationships, and how that might change how he sees and understands himself. It's a story that explores how we are often kept from our own transness because of fear, and because our minds reject that which they cannot imagine, and we are not taught to imagine ourselves as anything but static, straight, and cis.

As the story progresses, we see Dean gradually discovering these moments of gender euphoria—both on-stage and off. I really enjoy the use of theater and art as a means for exploring gender and identity. It isn't until Dean removes himself and loses himself in the character of Romeo that he's able to see himself no only inhabiting the "role" of a man, but actually being one. Theater is a safe way to move between those roles and hear his fellow actors refer to him as a man, which helps him finally make sense of the puzzle pieces. It also operates as a safe place to explore gender presentation, especially with his costuming, and it allows him to buy his first binder and safely pass it off as a "production expense." I appreciate that the story understands and celebrates the necessity of safe spaces, and theater is just one of those spaces for Dean.

There's also a really great emphasis on the importance of found family and community support. This is one of the first YA books I've read that shows a young, questioning trans boy going to support groups with other queer people, having their ideas and insecurities challenged and coming to a place of feeling more confident and safe in their own body and their own experience. Dean also has a really great group of friends (some who are better allies than others). He has people he can trust to go back and forth between pronouns to avoid outing him, people who let him send discrete packages to their house so that he won't get in trouble with his parents, and people who want him to be exactly the person he is. Connection and support is so vital for young trans folks, especially, and I really appreciate that being shown on the page.

At the same time, the story doesn't shy away from hard conversations about how transness can challenge and change interpersonal relationships, and not always for the better. One of the more complex relationships at play here is the romantic relationship Dean has with his girlfriend, who got together with him when he identified as a lesbian. Throughout the story Dean decides he wants to come out to Zoe as a trans guy, and he battles with what that means for their relationship, how his transness might challenge Zoe's identity (if at all), and whether Zoe will be able to see him and love him as the boy he is, or whether she'll only ever see Dean "as a girl" because of his body and because of their shared history. There are times where Zoe makes Dean feel safe and times where she makes him feel unsafe, and that inconsistency is something a lot of trans folks experience. It's not always as simple as flipping a switch from "adjusting" to "acceptance."

That's also reflected in the relationship Dean has with his parents, specifically his mom. She has a hard time accepting his transness and seeing it as "real." This leads to Dean hiding things from his parents and tip-toeing around them, because he can never gauge whether they're going to be receptive or not. To me, not only is that a realistic reflection of what many trans kids face, but it also acknowledges the essential piece that comes from actually being seen, recognized, and respected as the gender you are—not just as "someone masquerading in different clothes." Gradually, Dean is coming to the realization that he will not minimize or erase parts of himself to make other people comfortable, even people who are as important as his parents. He is learning that he doesn't have to be grateful for scraps of decency, and that he deserves so much more.

Dean is a character who's in a really interesting place where he's questioning and exploring how he wants his own transness to look, which I think is important for young readers to see. Does he want to start wearing a binder? Does he want to go on hormones or not? Does he want to change his pronouns? Does he want to officially "come out" or does he just want to live his life for himself? There's no clear-cut right or wrong answer to any of these questions, and I think the story does a beautiful job of showing the validity of all the possibilities. Whatever Dean decides at the end isn't about what will make him "a more real trans person," but rather what is—or could be—best for him.

In the end, I think this story does a great job of showing how transness is merely a world of possibilities, and we all have to learn how to navigate those possibilities in a way that's true for us. It feels scary not because transness itself is scary, but because we are taught to fear transness and because the world continues to reinforces itself as a frightening, unwelcome, and unsafe place for trans people in so many ways. It seems scary because it's a part of ourselves we are not taught to know or recognize, and because we often lack a clear path forward—not because that path doesn't exist, but because we can't see it. I think this story is invaluable in the way it shows Dean confronting those fears, defining what's true for himself, and learning how to navigate his own path on his own terms.

To say that I recommend this book is an understatement, because it is certainly going to save and change lives.

[Larry H · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, rounded up.

Between Perfect and Real , Ray Stoeve's debut YA novel, is a poignant, thought-provoking, hopeful look at a teen’s struggle with his identity.

"I think I might be trans."
"I mean, I know I am."
"I think."

From the moment he saw videos of transgender guys on YouTube, Dean knew that’s what he was, why he didn’t feel completely comfortable as a lesbian. And when he gets cast as a “nontraditional” Romeo in his high school’s production of Romeo and Juliet , it makes him long to assume his true identity.

But the realization of who he is causes more stress. His mother barely can handle his being gay and still calls him by his dead name—how will she take this news, when she’s reinforced gender roles for as long as Dean can remember? And what about Dean’s girlfriend, Zoe? Will she still want to be with him if he's male?

As the play approaches, Dean has a lot of decisions to make. And as he struggles with the acceptance of classmates and revealing his truth to those he loves, he seeks help from friends and others who have gone through these same decisions and had the same questions. Dean’s life may never be the same, but isn’t freely being who you are worth it?

This book was really good—it’s funny and sad and angsty and heartbreaking and hopeful all at once. I give Stoeve so much praise for not creating a utopia where everything is perfect for trans kids but also skirting the line that would have turned this book into melodrama, however real that may be, too.

I enjoyed these characters and, as I often do when reading YA, I felt so happy that books like Between Perfect and Real exist for today’s youth. So glad this was part of my Pride Reads this month!!

Check out my list of the best books I read in 2020 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2020.html.

See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.

Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.

[Charlie Anders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just catching up on posting reviews of books I've read and loved in the past few months... this is a wonderful trans coming-of-age story. I feel like there's a bias lately against "coming out" stories or stories of characters beginning their transitions, because for a long time that was pretty much all we had. But I felt like Between Perfect and Real makes a really strong argument for why these kinds of stories are worth telling — Dean's journey to understand his own gender is super compelling, and it shows how scary it is to come out as trans in high school. I also love the interplay between the performance of Romeo&Juliet, with all its notions of putting on a persona, and Dean's quest for an identity. I love love love Dean finding a supportive community of trans kids, and I also really appreciated the sensitive, nuanced portrayal of a romantic relationship unraveling after one person starts to transition. I hope kids everywhere get to read this book!

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

An ARC of this book was provided by the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.

This book is Dean's story and it tells his journey of discovery through his senior year of high school. Dean is a trans boy who comes to terms with who he truly is during his high school production of Romeo and Juliet, where he has been cast to play the lead role of Romeo.

Before writing this review, I read some #ownvoices reviews and from what I gathered they are all saying that this book has good trans representation, so I'd like to refer you to them if you want to know more about the rep of this novel.

I did enjoy this book. This novel is about Dean and there's so much he's going through in the book. Obviously there's him coming out as trans, but there's also him being in his senior year of high school and all the stuff that this entails.
The reason why I'm giving the book this rating is because of Dean's friends. I liked how most of them behaved with Dean, how supportive and helpful they were, but they kind of blended together for me. Nothing much of them stood out to me. I was expecting something more and I was a bit let down.

Overall I believe this is a strong YA debut and in the future I will be definitely looking out for more novels by Ray Stoeve.

[CW ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read my full review on my book blog, The Quiet Pond.

Between Perfect and Real is the kind of book that will save lives. This is a stunning, powerful, and affirming story about questioning, transitioning, and becoming the person you were always meant to be - and I loved this book with my whole heart.

- Follows Dean, who realises on the first page that he's a trans boy, as he grows to understand his identity and what it means for his relationships - while also practicing for his lead role as Romeo for the school play.
- This book strikes a great balance between soft and fluffy with serious and honest. The story does portray bullying - and the bullying is awful - but it also shows trans joy and self-love, which you can feel was written with so much love and vulnerability.
- How the story explores relationships in this book was amazing. The story explores Dean's fraught relationship with his mother, his affirming relationship with his friends, and also what his trans identity means for his romantic relationship as well.
- I feel that this story is honest yet safe in how it explores identity - that there's sometimes a lot of questioning and self-doubt involved, but understanding who you are comes with so much affirmation and joy. Ultimately, I loved that this story showed that there's no one way to be trans.

Trigger/content warning: instances of anti-trans rhetoric (microaggressions, misgendering, deadnaming; all challenged in text), gender dysphoria, bullying, mention of trans suicide

I received a digital advanced reader's copy in exchange for an honest review.

[cameron · Rating 3 out of 5]

unfortunately i didn’t connect with any of the characters and i was just kind of waiting for it to be over the whole time:( i think it’s a very good message and could be awesome for a younger reader to see themselves in, and there were some great lines about gender identity that i loved .

[Althea · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, recently I’ve found that I really enjoy listening to audiobooks while crocheting! I’m not sure what it is about either of these things, but for me they go well together and, strangely, I make fewer mistakes in my crochet when I listen to a book at the same time! While crocheting my latest little animal friend (an octopus with bobbles for suckers!), I was really excited to see that Ray Stoeve’s debut novel was up on Scribd, so of course I had to give it a listen! Between Perfect and Real opens with our main character, Dean, realising that he is trans. He also knows that he loves theatre and when he auditions for the role of Lady Capulet in his school’s production of Romeo and Juliet, he is surprised to learn that he’s been cast in the lead role of Romeo. Through support from a new group of trans and nonbinary friends, and expressing himself in his role as Romeo, Dean truly starts to grow into the person he was meant to be, but coming out as trans in high school isn’t always sunshine and roses.

I really enjoy the plethora of queer books that are being released right now with school plays and theatre at the forefront, and this was no exception! It really gave me The Love Curse of Melody McIntyre vibes and really just gave me a great sense of nostalgia for when I was in a youth theatre group (though, admittedly, I didn’t last long!). Though I am twenty-three and have graduated from uni, I actually really enjoyed this school setting, too, although I’ve noticed recently that they can be rather hit or miss for me, but I think it was written really well and not ‘cliche’ here.

Dean as a main character was so wonderful to follow along with. His self confidence and passion were so evident and he was so caring towards his friends! There were parts of his coming out journey that I really resonated with and I think that this is going to be such a wonderful book for trans and questioning teens nowadays! In fact, Dean attends a trans support group in the book, and seeing such a wide variety of trans and nonbinary people, and learning about their different experiences, is really going to make these teens feel so seen, and I’m so, so happy for them! There is some discussion in the book about allyship, too, not only from those outwith the queer community, but from those in the community, too – particularly surrounding outing people, pronouns, educating others and just simply standing up for trans people. Dean has a really wonderful, supportive queer friend group at his school and I really appreciated that they did make mistakes but they apologised and learnt from them. I would like to mention, though, while I’m on this point that this is definitely not the lightest of reads. Dean faces transphobic bullying and harassment, both overt and covert, by his peers, as well as his parents struggling to accept him – so please bear this, as well as the other trigger warnings, in mind before picking this book up!

Although overall I really really enjoyed this book (and flew through it in a day!) I do have a couple of issues with it. The first is perhaps just because I listened to the book as an audiobook, but I found there to be far too many characters and I continually got all their names muddled up in my head. I think I may have had an easier time with this if I’d read a physical copy, so I’m almost sure that this is a me problem, rather than a problem with the book! The other issue I had is related to Dean’s girlfriend, Zoe. Dean has known Zoe for a long time before the book begins and they are in a committed and loving relationship. When Dean comes out to Zoe, I will admit, she does do some shitty things, such as telling a couple of their mutual friends that he’s trans, and she does say some mildly transphobic things, though she does apologise for them later. But the pair try their best to make the relationship work after Dean comes out, because they truly do love each other, however, Zoe is a lesbian. This fact is mentioned explicitly on page and, because Dean is a trans guy, Zoe isn’t sure that she can stay in a relationship with him after he fully transitions. This is understandable (though she doesn’t express it in the best way) as lesbians aren’t attracted to men. But she is made out to be the bad guy in the situation because of her lack of attraction to men. I really do get that it’s important to highlight that dating can be difficult as a trans person, particularly when you come out while in a committed relationship, but I just don’t think that this was the best way to deal with it and it came off as being kinda lesbophobic in the way that far too many people love to conflate lesbianism with being a TERF, which is both so untrue and also extremely harmful. I really wish this scene was handled better because otherwise this is a fantastic book, but I have seen this happening quite a few times in YA books recently and it really disappoints me.

Despite those little issues I had, this is such an impactful and important read that is so necessary in YA today and I highly, highly recommend giving this one a go!

Want more sapphic books? You can find me here: Book Blog | Twitter | Instagram

[Berry · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5ish start

This entire thing is hella spoilery so be careful!

The main issue I'd like to address with this more rant than review is the way the love interest was portrayed.

Long story short - Dean came out as trans and his lesbian girlfriend who loves him a lot and wants to make their relationship work eventually ends their relationship because she’s a lesbian and he’s… a man.

I was honestly quite pissed by how her character was treated, and may I say - almost villanized. First, we see her as insensitive when she outs her partner to their mutual friends, and secondly as self-entitled when she acts as if she’s extremely open-minded for dating a trans person. So we already have this off-putting girl who's unworthy of our mc, right? Then, she obviously has a hard time dealing with certain aspects of his transition, whether it’s flattening his chest with a binder or talking about testosterone. All of which, btw, are things he never openly discussed with her - not to get her approval but in the healthy way good couples communicate. So he clearly doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to her, but that only results in all the changes sort of tumbling down on her, which she doesn’t take very well. There’s a huge gap between what she understands and what he needs, for example - his chest is a trigger point for him, but they never discussed it so while they’re making out, she reaches for his chest. That, as we can imagine, shuts him down immediately because it’s dysphoric for him.
The lack of communication has a huge impact on the demise of their relationship, but even with all the love and well intentions in the world, you can’t always do and say the right things for your trans partner - sometimes you need them to be able to communicate to you what the right thing for them is. The problem is that not all people know what they need… and sometimes even if they do, it can be pretty fucking hard to verbalize that.

So after all that, at the very end, she tells our mc she can’t be with him, because even though she’s deeply in love with him, he’s still a man, and she’s still a lesbian. Shocking? Not so much. Because we expected her to do “the wrong thing” and break his heart. Even his trans friends did.

What I’d like to know, is why is it not an acceptable outcome? Why isn’t her choice valid? Why make her the bad guy?
Furthermore, why is it bad that she wants to try at first because she loves him, enough to not see the potential conflicts his transition might cause in her? Not see or maybe not know, because not all queer people are well versed in what it means to transition. Why does wanting to make something work, something that’s new to you and you’ve never considered before, inherently a hurtful thing?

As a partner to a trans person myself, I can tell you that the changes your partner goes through can affect you, your relationship, and how you see yourself and your sexuality. Obviously, there’s no way to compare what she’s going through to what he does, because he’s the one experiencing it first hand… but her feelings still exist and are still valid, even without being the more important, or the main star of the show.
Yes, having your partner come out and transition can have a huge impact on your life, and that’s perfectly acceptable.

However, her decision to end the relationship wasn’t portrayed as acceptable, and that’s problematic in many ways. First, if you’re a lesbian and your partner comes out as a trans man, isn’t it a bit hypocritical to criticize the partner’s decision to end the relationship? Being a man doesn’t boil down to your physical appearance or genitalia, nor does being a lesbian have to be about loving certain body parts (certainly today when gender exploration is more common)… BUT, it can be a valid part of it.
You can be over the roof in love but it’s not that unimaginable that you’d decide they’re not right for you because, you know... you’re a lesbian, and he’s a man. Especially if your partner plan on going through physical changes (which will eventually change certain aspects of his appearance) but also far deeper than that - because coming out as trans might help you express your gender more freely.

Lastly, the mc’s trans friends made it sound like it’s a given that his partner would break up with him, almost like willing it to happen. I would have loved for them to be proven wrong, even if not with his relationship. It’s really sad (and not true) with looking at all pre-coming-out trans relationships as doomed, you know? And while I’m sure it was said from wary experience, I’d love to have some sort of better resolution for the trans readers of this book.
Your amazing relationship doesn’t have to end when you come out. Being trans doesn’t mean being unlovable and unwanted… and while I appreciate a not-so-happy ending, I think there should have been a bit more optimism to it.

[Marieke (mariekes_mesmerizing_books) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want the world to see me as the boy I am inside. I want to grow up to be a man. I want to be good and kind and strong.

I was looking forward to this book. I really liked the premise, a trans boy who’s not out to anyone yet. Seen as a tomboy girl, instead of the boy he feels inside.

Ray Stoeve’s writing is engaging and so easy to read. I started reading this book on a sunny public holiday and finished it within that day. At first the story fell a little flat for me, but the story grew to me, and I started to like the story more and more until I fell in love with it. I felt the doubts Dean had and the way he struggled to come out to anyone. The worries he had. What would everyone think? And did he really want to change?

Robot Dean looks good, like he has everything together, but inside is me, a mess of tangled wires and short circuits.

Dean is a likable character but my most favorite person was Ronnie. I loved how supportive he was and loved Dean unconditionally. The best friend everyone can wish for! I had to grow to Zoë though, I liked Olivia way more.

Between Perfect and Real is a heartwarming and moving story! It’s not only an important book for trans youth but also for cis people, to understand what trans people go through.

[Jane (whatjanereads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actual rating: 4,5

This was a really, really amazing and realistic YA book with a trans MC.

This book follows Dean, who is cast as Romeo in the school play. Dean has already been reading about transitioning and is following a lot of trans YouTubers. Due to being cast as a male role, he is realising that he ultimately wants to come out as trans and transition as well.
This book follows a lot of Deans steps before and after coming out, things he and I’m sure a lot of trans people out there struggle with. Not only with transitions and being dependent on your parents when you are under 18, but also every day struggles, body dysphoria, transphobia and relationships.
I think Deans development and thoughts in this book were super realistic and were presented in such a relatable way.
I loved his queer group of friends with the “straight sidekick” (because it’s usually the other way around).
And while this book has a lot of heartbreaking moments, there are just as many moments that made me so happy and were so beautiful.
I especially loved the support group Dean went to, showing that there are so many different ways of being trans and transitioning.

The only thing I minded, was that I’m not so sure that I liked how Dean and Zoe’s relationship was handled. In my opinion a few things felt kind of rushed and should have been discussed more elaborate. While I absolutely think she did some things that were super wrong and inexcusable, she was portrayed in a pretty onesides way that felt a little villainising to me.
Nevertheless I think the way that things developed felt realistic, when also a bit rushed.

All in all a very good YA contemporary with amazing trans rep, that focuses mainly on Deans development and I am sure a lot of people can relate to.

[Jay Coles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love, love, love this book! I'm so lucky to have gotten the chance to read it early. Ray is brilliant with words, equally brilliant at packing an emotional punch on every page. I can't recommend Dean's story enough. Look out world, Between Perfect and Real is sure to capture your heart, too!

[Alex (Pucksandpaperbacks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: unsafe binding with duct tape, mention of death by suicide *not graphic*, transphobia, violence, fighting, deadnaming (name is not mentioned) and misgendering, outting, imposter syndrome, break-up, talk of hormones & testosterone, safe binding, unaccepting parent, feeling of body & social dysphoria on-page at 87%.

Dean Foster must be protected at all costs. I saw myself in Dean a lot as we both have a similar coming out story and are both skater boi's. Coming out after you're already out as a lesbian is an experience that I connect to and Dean's experience made me feel very comfortable and seen . He thought his coming out was over until he gets cast as Romeo in his high school's production of Romeo and Juliet and feelings of gender rise to the surface.

The feelings of dysphoria after realizing you're probably trans are SO REAL. Dean's experience of body dysphoria and imposter syndrome resonated with me and made me think back to my memories from the beginning of my transition. Between Perfect and Real is a great depiction of the trans male experience & coming of age story through the themes of Romeo and Juliet. Watching hours of YouTube and scrolling through trans Reddit pages are very real times in a trans man's life.

I loved Ronnie and Jared. Ronnie was a really great friend to Dean and he was someone I wished I had when I had first come out. I loved Ronnie, Jared, and Dean's dynamic toward the end of the novel and how they all hung out at a skatepark!! Dean is a SKATER BOI!

I also liked how transphobia was handled and challenged. Dean did not take any fucks from anyone including those closest to him. I also loved the support group aspect of the novel and how Dean made trans and gender non-conforming friends. Another aspect I could really relate to, seriously Dean's story was so similar to my own.

If I hadn't read an ARC copy, I would share some quotes that I loved because there were so many of them that I loved. There's a robot analogy that was SO GOOD and depicted the disassociation parts of dysphoria where you feel like a robot version of yourself.

The only minor flaw I have is that I never read a scene where Dean takes off his binder (unless I missed it?). I'm just a little wary about whether he was sleeping in it or not - which is dangerous and forbidden.

Overall, I really cherished Dean's story and it's definitely one of my favorites. As a theater fan, I really loved seeing a trans character be the star of the show and have an amazing teacher, Mr. Harrsion to come to when things hit the fan. Would recommend!

[Phoenix (Books with Wings) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book.
Honestly, while I was reading it, I liked it. I enjoyed it, but I didn't five-star love it. At the beginning. But then it went on and it got way better at the end, and after the book, I kept thinking about it, and realizing how good it really was.
I really liked how real this book read. Authors are actually pretty good at making teens sound like teens in their books, in my opinion, but this one actually went to the next level, it seemed. The characters were just so realistic, and so well written. And the story, too, I loved how it was paced and the whole thing felt so real.
Overall, this was a super good book!

[michelle (magical reads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 stars

read on my blog

rep: trans boy protagonist, lesbian side character, gay Black side character, bisexual Japanese-American side character, trans girl side character, nonbinary side character
cw: transphobia, homophobia, mentions of dead naming (name not on page)

**I received an ARC from the publisher through Netgalley. These are my honest opinions, and in no way was I compensated for this review.**

I don’t want the audience to see a girl in boy’s clothes. I don’t want them to see a lesbian version of the play. I want them to see Romeo.

This book’s premise sounded so good, so I was very happy when I was approved for an ARC! I really enjoyed it. Between Perfect and Real was a beautiful debut about coming out as your true self.

For a while now, Dean has known he’s a trans guy but he hasn’t told anyone else. When he’s cast as a “nontraditional” Romeo in the school play, he’s excited to be playing a male character as a boy in front of people. As time goes on, he becomes more and more conflicted about sharing this part of himself, especially to his girlfriend Zoe, who’s a lesbian, and his mom, whom he knows won’t react well. However, with the help of his friend Ronnie, he begins attending a support group for trans youths and grows more comfortable with his identity.

I do want to state that I am cisgender and thus I read this book from a cis perspective. I can’t speak for anything representation-wise about this, obviously, but I liked that Dean’s dead name is never stated on page. There are mentions of people intentionally deadnaming him (as well as misgendering him) but never on page. This book is an example of how you can have a trans character transitioning without deadnaming them!

I also liked the big LGBTQ+ cast. Zoe is a lesbian, Ronnie is gay, and their other friend Allison is bisexual. Dean also befriends two trans people in his support group, Nina and Jade, and talks with other trans people in the group. I loved how supportive they were throughout the book; although this book had its downs, I’m glad that they were there to provide love and support.

There’s a discussion in the book about how, while his friends are queer, they do not really understand what Dean is going through, which is a big sticking point at times. It was important to note that they are cis, and I liked that he could talk to other trans people for advice. I also really liked that this book acknowledges Dean’s white privilege! He has discussed with Ronnie, who is Black, about how people would still “overlook” him because he is white. Very few YA books, especially LGBTQ+ ones, acknowledge this so explicitly.

The writing was very poignant. We easily slip into Dean’s POV and what he’s feeling at that time. I’m excited to see what this author writes in the future!

I can’t talk that much about the plot without alluding to the ending. There’s a lot of turmoil throughout this book, of course; not everyone in Dean’s life is so supportive, namely his mom, and not everyone is as understanding as he first believes. There’s a lot of growth over the course of the book, and I’m happy with where it ended though!

Between Perfect and Real is a moving debut about coming out as trans. I really liked the characters and the writing, as well as the acknowledgement of certain privileges. I definitely recommend Between Perfect and Real if you’re looking for a gorgeous LGBTQ+ story!

original review:

oh I really liked this!

[Kate (Reading Through Infinity) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher for sending me an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Between Perfect and Real is a beautifully written story about a trans boy accepting and embracing his identity and deciding what being trans means for him.

Dean has known he’s trans for a while and the focus of the story is on him coming out at school and to his friends and family.

Dean is friendly, kind, a great actor, and has a kind of innocent optimism that allows him hope for the best outcome and see the best in others. When he’s cast as Romeo in the school play, he’s overjoyed because he finally gets to play a male role that feels right to him.

This moment of gender euphoria is followed by others throughout the novel, when he tries on Romeo’s blue suit and finds his first binder that fits just as he wants it to.

But the book doesn’t shy away from showing the violence and transphobia that trans people go are subjected to when coming out.

Dean faces transphobic comments and hate speech from other students at his school, as well as violence and vandalism of his possessions. People misgender and deadname him both intentionally and unintentionally and the author resolutely challenges this behavior at every turn, showing how thoughtless and damaging it is for Dean.

There are some incredibly raw and sad moments in the story, when Dean feels like he’ll never be accepted by certain people in his life and when he has to make hard choices for the sake of his own happiness and mental wellbeing, and the narrative is so well written that the crushing hopelessness he feels transfers straight off the page and to us.

I’ll never experience what Dean is going through because I’m not trans, but Ray Stoeve’s prose brings Dean’s experiences and emotions into sharp focus in a way that makes his sadness and frustration feel personal.

The importance of trans people’s safety is also a big theme in the novel. There are moments when Dean feels unsafe at school due to threats and bullying from other students and there’s a particularly tense scene when he’s walking through the city with friends and a man stares at them.

Dean mentions how disgusted the man looked and his friend Jade comments that some people want to kill them just for being trans. This lays bare the fact that trans people’s very existence is a threat to transphobic people and emphasises the importance of having a close group of friends and people that can be trusted.

And Dean does find his own close group in the form of friends from the trans youth group he attends. Despite being a little shy and initially not knowing how to approach them, he finds solace in their company as a found family. I loved the scenes where they hang out together and he’s free to be completely himself without fear of bullying or prejudice.

This story beautifully illustrates the fact that there’s no one way of being trans. The possibilities are endless, as Dean realises when he’s choosing a binder, deciding on pronouns, considering the clothing he wants to wear, and deciding on how he wants to identify when he goes to college.

I started listening to this on audio and finished it in physical format and both formats were equally as good. The narrator for the audiobook really brought the characters to life, but the hardback also made the quality of the writing shine through, so I’d heartily recommend either version if you’re considering picking up Between Perfect and Real.

Content warnings for transphobia, misgendering, deadnaming and homophobia (all challenged on page), threats of violence, discussions of gender dysphoria.

[Andrew White · Rating 5 out of 5]

While reading this, I tweeted, "[I'm] on page 75 of BETWEEN PERFECT AND REAL and having to stop every few paragraphs because Ray absolutely nails the fear of coming out so well that I’m remembering what the air tasted like on the day I actually did it."

I'm friends with Ray, and my girlfriend received an ARC of BETWEEN PERFECT AND REAL as a bookseller, so of course I had to steal it. I read it within a day - and as a trans man myself, I can say that Ray captures the reality of coming out as a trans guy with grace and heart. It hit every single of the beats I remember struggling through, from admitting it to myself, buying my first binder in secret, and fighting for my parents to understand me. The scene where gender dysphoria comes crashing down on Dean's shoulders all at once after coming out was so real that I suddenly recalled with perfect clarity the very day the same thing happened to me. Ray writes it all with beauty and honesty.

This is a quick, snappy read, perfect for voracious teen readers. It's emotional, sometimes fun and sometimes heartbreaking, but always real. I'm so glad this book gets to find itself in the hands of young trans readers. I think that if I'd had a book like this at that age, it wouldn't have taken so long for me to figure out who I was.

This book isn't written to "educate" cis people about what it's like to be trans; this book is written for trans people. It's written as if to say, "I see you."

[Ocean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dean's journey of realising he's transgender and coming to terms with it is extremely authentic and relatable. When I was figuring out my gender identity I went through the same anguish, I questioned whether I was trans enough, and I spent so much time watching videos of trans people on youtube, just like Dean does in this book. I love the Dean was cast as Romeo, and I loved his friendship with Ronnie. Dean's girlfriend, Zoe, was problematic at times. In my experience, her character is very realistic and true to life, as I'm sure many trans people have had a Zoe in their life who appears to mean well but is actually kinda causing harm instead.

It was interesting to see that Dean's dad was supportive while his mom wasn't, in stories like this it's usually the other way around with dad's being unsupportive so that was quite refreshing. I really enjoyed the theatre scenes, as well as every scene in which Dean's fender was affirmed. The bullying storyline was pretty awful, Blake did some really horrible things, it was sad to read at times but I know that unfortunately many trans people go through that type of bullying so it's good to see that part of being trans explored on page.

This is one of the most important books I've read to date and I highly recommend it to trans and cis readers alike.

[Toby · Rating 4 out of 5]

First off, I want to say thank you to pridebooktours & abrahamkids for giving me a copy of this book for an honest review.

Between Perfect & Real is an emotional and quite hard hitting book about finding your voice, realising who you are and the emotional turmoils that happen along the way.

This book really dug out some deep trauma I had locked away and I’m somewhat glad I was able to face it while reading.

Dean, the main character, is navigating through school while dealing with being picked for the main role as Romeo in his school play, while also dealing with the fact he’s realised he’s transgender.

The emotions that Dean struggles through, the bitterness, the anger, the visceral feelings he has, was genuinely so relatable that it hurt to read. Coming to terms with being trans can be such a HUGE struggle, on top of being outed, having a non supportive parent of your sexuality (and then gender), dating someone who likes girls when you’re not a girl, being bullied and attacked, not feeling like anyone understands it, it’s tough. It’s exhausting.

I have had similar experiences to the main character, especially with being in a relationship, having a parent who doesn’t want to understand or accept you and being bullied for who you are. The book doesn’t sugarcoat anything, especially the cruelty that you can also show when you’re feeling alone, lied too and so exhausted from the emotional pain of everything.

I think the only things I wasnt entirely keen on (but was somewhat cleared up in a sense) was how fast Dean wanted to rush into things, especially with testosterone and Top Surgery. I think when you realise you’re trans, it’s this voice in your head going GO GO GO and it’s kinda hard to set a pace for yourself.

Overall, the side characters were great, I enjoyed the ending & that it wasn’t absolutely perfect, it was bittersweet in a way.

Trigger warnings are: transphobia, assault, suicide mention, slurs, homophobic slurs, mentions of gender dysphoria, family abuse, homophobia, outing

[jut · Rating 2 out of 5]

this book had everything to be perfect, i mean its literally between perfect and real so you're either gonna love or hate it!

there are some issues i wanna address, because that if they didn't exist or were put in another way, the book could have been way better and here is it: non-black character explaining police brutality and white privilege to a black character (which is even worse than if they were just explaining it to somebody else),

grow ups in position of power acknowledging that they aren't protecting children in danger because excuse me??? you gonna let one of your students kept targeting another student?? wow

and, demonizing lesbians...i mean...dean and zoe try to work in their relationship and obvious that doesn't happen because zoe is a lesbian and dean is a man but they were still figuring things out so that was okay to them make mistakes and get confused, but the implication that zoe wanted dean to change and be a girl.....i dont know, i think she made really think thansphobic comments and moves in the beginning when they were still together and never apologised.

overall, i liked it! i know the rating is low and the whole review can be seen as harsh but it wasn't a bad book!

[Dahlia]

I'm such a fan of this book and the character arc of MC Dean, who we get to see coming into his own, figuring things out step by step, trying on binders, getting clear on what he does and doesn't want out of transition, making new friends, and just generally having this wholesome, accessible journey I think is going to mean a lot to readers in Dean's shoes. I love the Romeo quotes sprinkled throughout - such a great touch. And I love that it navigates being in a relationship through transition and what conversations and expectations it raises. Just a really solid debut coming out story that makes me excited to see where the author's going next.

[Gee Rothvoss · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "Between Perfect and Real",  Ray Stoeve explores a slice of trans teen Dean Foster's transition, as he wonders if the risks of venturing beyond the identity everyone assumes he has—rebellious child,  theater kid,  best friend,  partner,  friend…, girl—weigh more than the joy of embracing who he truly is. Unexpectedly landing a role as Romeo in his high school's yearly play gives Dean the opportunity to experiment how it feels to be seen as a boy, which makes him begin to question whether he can keep living as something he's not just to please everyone else. 

Something worth knowing beforehand about this book is that it's not a plot-driven story. Rather than there being a clear story line, with a string of key events that come together to produce a story in which what happens overpowers to whom it happens, "Between Perfect and Real" offers us a novel-long look at what goes on inside a teenager's head as he tries to juggle high school,  a difficult family, a romantic relationship, the challenge that is getting into uni, and the realization that he's trans. In this sense, the story is little more than a silver plate on which Dean's feelings and struggles are presented to the reader. People who dislike not having a strong plot, or getting too focused on the characters' inner struggles rather on what's going on around them, might not like this book much. 

Stoeve addresses very interesting topics, though, and more than one valid point regarding queerness. As Dean struggles to decide whether and how to come out to his family,  friends, and school,  the reader is faced with a challenging question: when we think about coming out, do we do it mainly for others, so that they can see us as we are? Or do we do it for ourselves, so that we can be seen as we are? Is it an act of trust, or is it a lesson of self-love? Dean knows that coming out will put a strain on his relationship with his lesbian girlfriend, and his already tense situation at home. Staying closeted, though, will put a strain on his own mental health. What's the right choice? The seemingly perfect relationship he has with Zoe, or the real him inside of him? I believe that, in posing this question, the author approaches one of the hottest topics within the queer community: in the end, the only person you could ever owe your coming out to is you. Nobody else gets to decide whether you should hide, or show, who and what you are. Of course, this applies to all queer identities, but it's specially true for all gender non-conforming,  genderqueer, and trans* people. You don't owe anyone your identity, and only you get to decide whether, when, and how, to come out. 

"I'm gay," she says. (...) She throws her hands out. "I want to be with girls. I don't want to be some guy's girlfriend, Dean." 

"But I can't be a girl. (...) I'm not a girl. I'm a boy. I can't be something I'm not. I love you so much, but I can't do that. I have to be myself." 

"Well, so do I!" she says.

In this sense, Zoe and Dean's relationship was also quite an interesting part of the book. Zoe knows Dean as her butch girlfriend, who's a lesbian just like her; she's proud of being gay, which makes Dean worry about what will become of them if he comes out as a trans man. What happens once Dean discloses that he's trans is really well-portrayed, despite the story being told by one of the involved parties, and thus, by an unreliable narrator. Many would accuse Zoe of being selfish, and transphobic, but the book allows us a glimpse into what's really going on; despite being a lesbian, she finds herself dating a man, and she isn't sure right away about how she feels about it, or whether she's able to reconcile her feelings for Dean with her identity as a gay woman. Many times, lesbian women are demeaned and cast aside, their identity and their right to not be "flexible about it" being questioned in a very hypocritical way by many who don't realise that lesbians, too, are queer people who didn't get to choose their identity. And, since I've given this aspect of the story a great deal of thought, I'm about to ramble about it in a bit more depth. 

As the story progresses, and Zoe starts to visibly struggle, Dean himself, his trans support group,  and even many readers, condemn Zoe's doubts about whether she can make their relationship work despite her being attracted to women only, and his being a man. This is the moment you realise how blinded Dean is by his own emotions—which is fair enough, I have to say—, since he's demanding of Zoe exactly what he doesn't want her to expect from him. In order to keep the relationship going, he expects her to put aside her being a lesbian and just be okay with dating a guy, while not wanting her to tell him that she doesn't recognise him as being a "real man". He wants her to respect her identity as a man, but is bothered by how she feels the need to have her own identity as a lesbian respected. Zoe's confusion and grief as she realises that the person in front of her isn't the girl she thought he was, and thus might not be the perfect match for her she believed Dean was, were very well-depicted. Dean's grieving their relationship, because he doesn't think Zoe will want to be with him if he transitions—and so is she. A part of him wishes that she'd agree to continue dating him,  despite him being a guy…, the way a part of her wishes that Dean had been a girl. See the subtle double standards that both of them had? I personally felt a lot for Zoe, mainly because the narrative—which is told in Dean's voice, and thus biased—framed her as the one who was getting it all wrong. I could really feel her loneliness and sadness every time she spoke, which made me realise how the story showed far more than it seemed if you only focused on Dean.

There was quite a bit of character development, in this sense, as Dean slowly acknowledged that he couldn't expect things to stay as they were while he changed and grew in such significant ways. I wouldn't classify Dean as having been purposefully mean to Zoe, or as having been a bad person. Both he and Zoe were hurting a lot from how skewed their relationship had gotten, and both of them missed what they used to have with an intensity that made them feel very protective of their feelings. Wounded animals lick their own wounds, after all, and so do humans. What I mean is, just as Zoe wasn't a bad person for having doubts and struggling, neither was Dean for getting upset with her and wishing that she could be different. Just as I've validated her struggle with her identity, I'd like to make sure to remind everyone that Dean's having the same issue. There were no sides to take in this conflict, at the end of the day, and I believe that the way in which Stoeve made sure to make this clear—even more of a feat if we remember that one of the parties is the story's narrator—is a testament to their skill. I feel like these inner conflicts regarding one's and others' identity, when it puts relationships and people we value to test, is a discussion that's still quite rare within queer fiction, or at least in YA queer fiction, so it was really good to see it depicted here. 

All in all,  "Between Perfect and Real"  was a really enjoyable read,  which definitely belongs in any and every trans-themed shelf. Stories delivering casual rep, in the shape of characters who've already come to terms with their identity, are important; but so are tales about people who just realised that they're trans, and are trying to find their way to themselves. I'm looking forward to reading more books by Ray Stoeve! 

***

CWs: Bullying (explicit, challenged), Deadnaming (mentioned, not explicit), Misgendering (explicit, challenged), Outing (explicit, challenged), Physical violence (mild), Racism (mentioned), Transphobia, Verbal violence

[Alex Nonymous · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of Between Perfect and Real in exchange for an honest review.

THIS! This is how you write relatable teen characters. Dean and everyone in his life felt so much like actual people that it hurt my feelings. Dean is a trans, straight (I'm fairly sure), man and I'm a cis, queer, woman and yet I still found him to be one of the most relatable teens I've read in a long time despite us having pretty opposite identities because he's just so universally well written, oh my god.

So let's talk plot because that also was incredible. Dean has been going by Dean for years now, which occasionally turns heads because if you ask anyone else, Dean is a girl. While Dean grapples with starting to figure out that his typically male nickname was one of the most right parts of his identity, he also gets cast as the male lead in the school musical and starts to explore why he feels so much better playing men then women.

I'm not trans so I can't speak to how well the rep was handled and I do know Dean binds unhealthily once in this (although he very quickly points out how unhealthy that was) but as a queer person, I found his experience coming out to be really well handled. I loved the emphasis on the different ways he came out and the realistic ways people accidentally blundered it and really enjoyed the emphasis Stoeve puts on how the internet & support groups helped Dean come into his identity.

There are a few standout lines near the end of this that made me start to cry but I can't really discuss them without spoilers so hurry up and read it already so I have someone to gush over this with.

[stefansbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The possibilities are endless”

What a book! I felt everything Dean felt. The hurt, the frustration, and the love from the people who managed to accept him. So heartbreaking. I’m happy with how realistic this book was. Very educational and a gem for the community and the people who can relate or have been in Dean’s position.

If I’m being completely honest, this book is missing that spark that speaks directly to my soul, which is why I’m giving this a 4/5 and not a 5/5, but that’s just me. Just a head up that this isn’t really a book about romance and your typical YA contemporary. It’s a beautiful coming out stories, and dealing with the aftermath of it.

CW/TW: homophobia, transphobia, bullying, mention of suicide

Representation: BIPOC (side characters), LGBTQ+ (trans MC & side characters, non-binary side characters, gay side characters, lesbian side characters)

[Katie • forevermorepages · Rating 3 out of 5]

*I think it's important to preface this by saying that I am not trans, so I cannot speak on whether this book has good rep - so definitely read reviews from #ownvoices readers who can better address the representation*

With that said, I do think this book could and will be really important to trans readers. It definitely felt personal to the author and I really liked how honest and raw the book was. I will say that I had a few issues with it that I'm not really sure how to articulate. I think the ending felt rushed. I was flipping my e-arc looking for more pages. I also felt like the breakup between Zoe and Dean wasn't addressed fully. I liked that they came to an understanding later, but I wish Zoe's perspective had been respected a little more in the text. While Zoe had no right to be transphobic or expect Dean to not transition for her (like wtf), I think it should also be said that if Zoe is a lesbian than it shouldn't be expected that Zoe would still date Dean since Dean isn't a girl. I wish that had been discussed more in the text aside from the minimal conclusion made at the end. I also felt that there were too many characters and in the beginning, I had a really hard time keeping track of them and each of their side stories. I love the found family trope and that this book used it, but I wish the family had been just a bit smaller so I could have felt more connected to each of the characters. (With that said, Ronnie is my absolute favorite and I would love to see an entire novel dedicated to him.)

Anyway, I did really like this! I appreciated that the issues within Dean's family weren't black and white and that his mom was changing toward the end. That stuff hit a little harder for me.

I definitely recommend this! I think some of my issues with it honestly are now coming down to my pickiness with YA. A book really has to have me connected to the characters more emotionally and has to *do more* for me to give it four or five stars and this just didn't have it for me. I think it'll be a really important book in 2021 and I hope it gets the hype it deserves!

-Book Hugger