Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry

by Beth Allison Barr, Connie Shabshab (Narrator)

As a pastor's wife for twenty-five years, Beth Allison Barr has lived with assumptions about what she should do and who she should be.

In Becoming the Pastor's Wife, Barr draws on that experience and her expertise as a historian to trace the history of the role of the pastor's wife, showing how it both helped and hurt women in conservative Protestant traditions. While they gained an important leadership role, it came at a deep losing independent church leadership opportunities that existed throughout most of church history and strengthening a gender hierarchy that prioritized male careers.

Barr examines the connection between the decline of female ordination and the rise of the role of pastor's wife in the evangelical church, tracing its patterns in the larger history (ancient, medieval, Reformation, and modern) of Christian women's leadership. By expertly blending historical and personal narrative, she equips pastors' wives to better advocate for themselves while helping the church understand the origins of the role as well as the historical reality of ordained women.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, Christian, Religion, Christianity, Womens, Theology

Audible Audio

First published March 18, 2025

About the author

Beth Allison Barr is Assistant Professor of European Women's History, Baylor University. Her research interests focus on sermon literature in England, 1350-1750, and she is the author of The Pastoral Care of Women in Late Medieval England. She lives in Waco, Texas.

Reviews

[Carmen Imes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This important story needed to be told, and I'm so grateful that Beth, Allison Barr took the time to tell it. Far too many people assume that female pastors or women preaching is a capitulation to the feminism of the '70s. Barr shows it is the opposite. It's the backlash against women in ministry that owes its origin to the feminist movement of the '70s. Women had long been serving in ministry alongside their husbands and without any husbands at all until a few men in the SBC consolidated power to clamp down on these women. I will never understand what is so threatening to men about women whose wholehearted desire is to serve the church in all the ways that God has called them.

Thanks, Beth, for pointing a brave finger at the politics and hypocrisy that made it so.

[Melody Schwarting · Rating 4 out of 5]

Becoming the Pastor’s Wife touches on a few topics that hit pretty close to home for me. I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church, which provides the majority of Barr’s modern-day examples. I’m also a historian of women in religion (more contemporary than Barr’s medieval focus) and, based on Scripture and documentary evidence, a supporter of women’s ordination. I'm not a pastor's wife, but I am the daughter of an erstwhile pastor and his wife.

In this book and the accompanying podcast, All the Buried Women, Barr explores the women’s side of the story kept in the SBC archives (and other places). These stories are often left out of the narrative. SBC leaders love to make sweeping generalizations based on impressions rather than careful research, and Barr records many of them here. I don’t know, it seems to me that folks who are as careful about citing the Bible as they are should be similarly careful about post-biblical historical documents. Barr is careful in her citations, and the sheer amount of research makes me do a little happy dance (as does her footnoted promises to publish more research in this area, especially peer-reviewed quantitative studies). I love when she gets specific about pastor's wives and reveals stories that have, as yet, gone untold.

I was left wondering if Barr had come across Women in Pastoral Office: The Story of Santa Prassede, Rome by Mary A. Schaeffer, which shows that women held the title of bishop in Rome through the twelfth century. (See Schaeffer’s discussion of the Basilica di Santa Prassede with footage of the church here.) Barr refers to Sandra Glahn a few times, and Glahn introduced me to Schaeffer’s scholarship. Y’all need to see these sister-saints being embraced by St Paul and a male deacon in mosaics. (St Praxedes and St Pudentiana are discussed in Karen Jo Torjeson’s When Women Were Priests, which Barr references, but I found that book severely lacking.) Schaeffer’s scholarship would have rounded out a gap between the New Testament/very early church and the later middle ages in Barr’s overview of women’s ordained ministry throughout history. There is also a gap between the Reformation and the 20th century; Susanna Wesley is one of the few women discussed in those centuries. It's not a serious flaw in the argument or anything, but there are always more women. Tertullian's wife would have been interesting to include here, too. Barr should have at least entertained the idea that Peter's wife was deceased (not a hard thing to imagine in the ancient world) and that the disciples besides Peter were teenagers (only Jesus and Peter were of age to pay the temple tax in Matthew 17) and did not have wives to leave to follow Jesus.

I also want to add my two cents, as someone who grew up in the SBC. I didn’t know the names Paige Patterson or Jimmy Draper or Adrian Rogers until adulthood. As an SBC kid in the 1990s and 2000s, the heyday of the Conservative Takeover/Resurgence in the SBC, I knew Annie Armstrong and Lottie Moon, respective namesakes of Easter and Christmas fundraising drives for national and international missions. I read books about them and daydreamed about their lives. My family began attending a non-SBC Baptist church when I was 12 or 13. Only later, once I was grown up, did I learn about the SBC’s purported views on women in ministry. By then it was too late; Lottie Moon had given me a different vision.

That’s the thing about the SBC; it’s “not a denomination but a movement” and it leaves as much as possible (so they say) to local churches.* For such a large denomination movement, this means extremely varied practice; there was an SBC church pastored by a woman in 2023, as Barr reveals. It means that a girl like me growing up in a “restrictive” denomination movement will grow up with an expansive view of how Jesus calls women to preach his Gospel. I don’t know what my life would have been like had we stayed in the SBC longer. It’s not like the church we moved to, or the youth pastor who dominated my religious experience in middle and high school, promoted women’s leadership at all; yet somehow, those women shaped my views--and my whole-life interests--more than the heads of the SBC. The power of story! The power of history!

Also…the last-minute dinner party thing that all these pastors’ wives books freak out about? Y’all. Just go out to eat. No Southern Baptist I know will find you deficient in hospitality over a bowl of queso at your local Tex-Mex restaurant. That’s what the clergy meal allowance is for. If the church doesn’t have one, troll the local restaurants at 12:30 on a Sunday afternoon to see where the elders are feasting and get one.

*Need a Baptist scholar to compare this unique focus of SBC polity to the “states’ rights” proslavery argument, since the SBC was founded as a proslavery denomination movement. See Bonds of Salvation: How Christianity Inspired and Limited American Abolitionism by Ben Wright for a closer look at how the proslavery/antislavery conflict affected denominations in the antebellum US.

[Robert D. Cornwall · Rating 5 out of 5]

After Cheryl and I were engaged, I decided to change my degree program from an MA to an M.Div., so I could pursue ordination. I told her that while this move might help my academic career, she didn't need to worry about becoming a pastor's wife. It didn't work out the way I envisioned since I spent a quarter century in pastoral ministry, which meant that she spent a lot of years as a pastor's wife. Even though my ministries have been in a mainline denomination that ordains women (with women serving as General Minister and President), that doesn't mean that she and other mainline "pastor's wives" haven't had to deal with certain expectations, including the possibility that in hiring a male pastor the congregation gets two for the price of one. This happens even when the church insists that they don't have any expectations of the pastor's wife. Nevertheless, while certain expectations cross boundaries, in the evangelical world where patriarchalism is more present, things are a bit different.

In "Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry," Beth Allison Barr builds on her earlier study of evangelical patriarchalism in The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth, to describe the emergence of the pastor's wife as a ministry adjunct to the pastor. In other words, there are expectations placed on the pastor's wife, that she will be a pillar of his ministry. Barr brings to this conversation both her vocation as a medieval church historian (she is the James Vardaman Endowed Professor of History at Baylor University) and as the wife of a Baptist pastor. Thus, she has experienced being a pastor's wife, primarily in the context of Southern Baptist churches. Thus, this book draws on her personal experience as well as her expertise as a historian.

The book's subtitle speaks to a particular dynamic at work in evangelical churches, but especially Southern Baptist Churches, which do not allow for the ordination of women as pastors. Thus, women who feel a call to ministry are often directed toward becoming pastor's wives. A woman's commitment to this calling may have implications for her husband's success. As she notes in her introduction, "Becoming a pastor's wife is becoming a 'total partner' with your husband in his job" (p. xiii). This reality is unlike any other vocation! As a result, numerous books and manuals have been written for pastor's wives that cover everything from raising children to how she should dress. She lists in chronological order the books and manuals that have appeared since 1923 (it takes up nearly five pages, double column, relatively small print).

Of course, the idea that a woman's path to ministry would involve becoming a pastor's wife is a rather recent novelty, at least since the time of the Reformation. Before that, at least in the Western Church, for centuries, clergy were expected to be celibate (though many had concubines), so if a woman had a ministry calling, she would have pursued her calling in other ways. Some women, including Hildegard of Bingen, were rather powerful in their work. However, they did have to deal with patriarchal attitudes that sought to limit their influence. While the role of the pastor's wife may have been born at the time of the Reformation, Barr writes that "it wasn't until the second half of the twentieth century that it was elevated as the highest calling for many Protestant women, waxing in importance as more independently authoritative roles for women waned" (p. xix).

Barr begins this intriguing look at the emergence of the role of the pastor's wife as a path to ministry in contexts that limit women's opportunities to seek ordination and pastoral leadership, with a chapter titled "Where Is Peter's Wife?" In this chapter, Barr introduces us to contemporary experiences of women seeking ordination, together with biblical and historical examples of women in ministry (such as the example of Prisca and Junia, two women connected with Paul's ministries. She asks the question of the location of Peter's wife since Paul mentions her in 1 Corinthians 9 because, in Barr's context, the expectation was that clergy would be male and married. So, where was his wife?

Having laid out a context for the context including contemporary stories of women seeking ordination and the resistance to that, as well as biblical examples of women in ministry, Barr the medieval historian introduces us to "When Women Were Priests" (chapter 2). She offers this important chapter as a response to the claims made by complementarity opponents of women's ordination that historic Christianity has always been a male-only ministry. History, as she shows, doesn't support that claim. She begins by telling the reader about the Priscilla Catacombs in Rome, which is one of the largest burial spaces in Rome. In those catacombs, one will find evidence that the churches in Rome had female leaders. The catacombs that belonged to a female patron provide numerous images of women performing sacred rites. She weaves contemporary stories of resistance with historical stories of women who held important roles in the church.

Chapter 3 continues the historical conversation with a chapter titled "The Not-So-Hidden History of Medieval Women's Ordination." She introduces the chapter with her own story of having to deal with questions about her own vocational path that involved a PhD in history. Then she turns to a woman named Milburga, the descendant of the most important royal family in early medieval Britain, the woman born in the seventh century would become a Benedictine nun and abbess of one of the most important monasteries in eighth-century England. While much of her story comes from eleventh-century hagiography, it is clear that she provided pastoral leadership not only over women but men as well. It should be known that an abbess was equivalent to a bishop. Barr uses Milburga's story to explore the idea of ordination, which didn't develop in its more modern form until much later. But, in terms of ministry, she was recognized as a leader of the church. Again history offers points of resistance to claims that ministry has been an all-male affair.

Chapter 4 is titled "The Rise of the Pastor's Wife." In this chapter, she begins by noting the power that medieval nuns had, as not all of them were cloistered. Hildegard is an important example of a nun and abbess who had a public ministry (with papal approval). At the same time, there were patriarchal beliefs that centered on the problem of female bodies, that focused on sexual purity. This led to the concept of pastoral celibacy since ministry and sex were deemed problematic. The Reformation changed things, such that with the abandonment of celibacy and married clergy, the age of the pastor's wife was born. Barr writes that while the role of the pastor's wife became "a respectable position for women in the church," it "could never be more than a mediated role." For their role in the church was dependent on a man (p. 85).

Having moved through history in these first four chapters, in Chapter 5 we begin to look at things as they would become, such that, as the chapter title suggests, churches hoped to get "Two for the Price of One." Here we hear stories of women who tried to live up to expectations, including those set in classes at SBC seminaries, which we learn dedicated an entire class on how to pack the husband's suitcase. What we learn here is that the pastor's wife, at least in the context of the SBC as it rolled back women's access to ordination, is that they essentially served as universal spare parts. Again, we get a bit of history, especially regarding wives at the time of the Reformation. But, the idea of the pastor's wife is not biblical. It is a role that emerged over time after the Reformation. It also reflects the idea that women should be subordinate to women. Chapter 6 follows the previous chapter, exploring here the pursuit of being "The Best Pastor's Wife." Here we learn of an SBC award for the Pastor Wife of the Year. So, who is the best pastor's wife? While initially it was designed to honor women engaged in the life of the broader church, eventually it was defined in terms of being a companion to her husband to whom she joyfully submits.

Chapter 7 is titled "The (SBC) Road Less Traveled." Here we learn how the SBC approach to women in ministry changed over time, whereas it had seen women pursuing ordination and serving as pastors, things began to change in the 1980s. With the changes the safest path to ministry was being a pastor's wife. In Chapter 8, titled "The Cost of Dorothy's Hats" (a reference to Dorothy Patterson's penchant for hats---Patterson was a leading figure in the domestication of women in the SBC), we learn more about the efforts to undermine women in ministry and some of the consequences, which were a contributor to clergy sexual abuse in the SBC (and the cover-up). Barr contrasts two stories, that of Joyce Rogers, wife of Adrian Rogers, one of the leaders of the conservative takeover of the SBC, with another woman, Maria Acacia. It is the latter woman who is the focus as her husband not only engaged in a long-term relationship with a woman who came to him for counseling, which is an example of sexual abuse, even as this pastor physically abused his wife. Despite attempts to bring this to the attention of church leaders this was all ignored, up to the highest levels of the church. Barr does great work here excavating this story, revealing it to her readers so we see the consequences of patriarchy and toxic masculinity. The SBC attitude was forgive and forget, which is a problem.

The final chapter is titled "Together for the Gospel." Having laid out the consequences of patriarchal forms of religious life that made the role of the pastor's wife consequential and yet subordinate to male leaders, she ends with a word of hope. While recognizing the realities of the moment, she does believe the SBC can be different. That's because there are examples from the past of women who held positions of leadership in the church. By lifting them up, she hopes to offer another path for women going forward. She also points us to how pastor's wives function in many Black Churches, noting that in that context pastor's wives often have important leadership roles, that include preaching. As for Barr, she acknowledges that she has been a pastor's wife for twenty-five years, but no longer worries about the expectations. She does what she can, doing what God has called her to do. But it is not because she has to do the things she does, but because she wants to. That's the way it should be! So, while history shows how the role of the pastor's wife was used to push women out of ministry, it doesn't have to be that way. Pastor's wives, she believes, can help change the church for the better.

While the story she tells focuses on evangelical churches that have limited women's roles, even women in mainline churches can resonate with some of the expectations placed on pastor's wives. Barr's own story, along with the stories she tells of others, including the historical stories, open up important possibilities for conversation about ministry roles in the church, whether ordained or not.

[Camden Morgante · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meticulously researched, with dozens of pages of endnotes to prove it, Barr’s Becoming the Pastor’s Wife centers women’s stories in history, from medieval women’s ordination to the modern rise of the “two for the price of one” pastor’s wife. Barr’s main argument is that by making women’s ministry dependent to a man (through marriage to a pastor), we have limited women’s independent ministry roles (such as ordained pastor): “Because the pastor’s wife role provides an acceptable way in complementarian theology for women to serve in ministry, it has been weaponized to condemn women’s ordination and exclude women from pastoral positions.” Barr boldly calls out the SBC’s obsession with limiting women’s leadership, while simultaneously dragging their feet on addressing clergy sexual abuse: “The SBC thought it was more important to vilify women preaching the gospel than to protect the sexual victims of male pastors.” This book will appeal to anyone looking to forge a path for women’s equality in the Church by looking back at what history can teach us. Because women have always been pastors.

[Alex Strohschein · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75/5.

I liked Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry more than 3.75/5 would suggest. I agree with the overall aim of the book - to inspire and encourage evangelicals today to both elevate women into public, recognized, ordained ministry and to reform what it means to be "the pastor's wife" so that the wives of ministers are freed from feeling obligated to pour themselves tirelessly into their husband's ministry as a servile helpmeet and who can instead focus on their own vocational calling(s) without being ostracized as a bad spouse and poor Christian. Beth Allison Barr confesses that this was often her experience earlier in life; she clearly loves and admires her husband and she was pleased to practice ministry alongside him but she also perceived that conservative congregants - especially those in leadership - did not value her vocation as an academic and instead wanted to confine her to the domain of domesticity.

The book traces the formation of the role of the pastor's wife. Barr showcases how throughout Christian history, there have been notable examples of women serving in positions of church leadership and ministry and that the modern day template of what it means to be a pastor’s wife is actually a recent invention. While I agree and affirm Barr's mission in this book, I have some critiques.

Barr begins with the early Church but I find the lack of engagement with the church fathers to be a glaring void (though this is good Baptist practice - Scripture alone). Rather than interrogating their thought and theology, she relies heavily upon the visual depiction of women in early Christian art. She notes that there are numerous examples of women in the early Church depicted with emblems of priestly authority or in the orans position, synonymous with worship and devotion. But Barr also admits that the interpretation of what this visual art signifies is contested (some scholars argue these women were depicted this way because they economically provided for early Christian communities) even while confidently quoting fellow historian Gary Macy that “women were ordained for the first twelve hundred years of Christianity” (p. 42). This is an incredible claim and it makes me want to read Macy’s book (Barr relies heavily on Macy). Granted, Barr remarks that our modern-day concept/definition of ordination was not identical to how the early Church would have conceived of ordination (she explains that ordination and consecration were used interchangeably, that the terms were not just used in reference to clerical roles, and that for the first thousand years “ordination tied a particular function…to a particular office…within a particular community,” pp. 59-60), but as early as Epiphanius of Salamis (c. 310 - 403 AD) you have a church father (and bishop) emphatically declaring that there has never been female priests in the Church. If a historian is trying to argue that women were ordained for the first 1200 years of Christianity, it seems as if they must contend with this fourth century bishop’s assertion, but Barr doesn’t mention Ephiphanius at all.

I have heard that she has recommended William Witt’s magnificent, magisterial Icons of Christ: A Biblical and Systematic Theology for Women’s Ordination in class and yet I didn’t come across it in Barr’s book (as far as I could tell; a minor complaint is the book doesn’t include an index, which would aid me in finding Witt’s name if it was there). Witt, an evangelical Anglican who affirms women’s ordination, states how many of the early church fathers, especially Epiphanius, deemed women as less rational than men, prone to temptation and sensational emotionalism, paving the way for them to be repressed from priestly duties. I find Witt’s argument persuasive and I think it would have only aided Barr’s case.

Barr specializes in medieval history and when we reach the Middle Ages, she introduces us to the remarkable (yet largely unheralded) Milburga (died 727 AD), abbess of Wenlock Priory. According to Barr, although the stereotype is that an abbess only had authority over nuns and other women, in fact, Milburga would have exercised leadership over both women and men. Barr also suggests that Milburga was effectively equivalent to a bishop since during Milburga’s day there wasn’t as strict of an all-male ecclesial hierarchy; rather, “boundaries blurred, with the ecclesiastical office of monastic superiors (abbots and abbesses) functioning with the rights and privileges of bishops and even with secular jurisdiction” (p. 58). Yet it was during the medieval period that ordination became increasingly linked to sacramental ministry. Barr explains: “Ordination recognized Milburga’s calling to serve the function and office of an abbess at a specific monastery. Three hundred years later, ordination imbued clergy with the sacred power to perform the sacraments regardless of which community they served. Instead of being ordained to a specific role, ordination now imbued a sacred status...Only in this era did the Eucharist become tied to ordained status; that power to perform sacred acts signified a sacred call to ministry” (p. 61). The Roman Catholic Church’s ecclesiastical reforms “centered the clerical hierarchy on the office of priest, tied it to the power necessary to transform the bread and wine at the altar into the body and blood of Christ, and gendered the identity of priests as masculine” (p. 74). This shift was most clearly defined at the Fourth Lateran Council in 1215.

Barr sees the Reformation as marking a significant turning point for women (as she already argued in The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjection of Women Became Gospel Truth; after the Reformation, there weren’t the same avenues for women in church leadership that the female orders had offered). Barr asserts that during the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, more attention was given to domestic space but that many of the household duties and tasks we today gender as “woman’s work” were actually performed by male servants under the supervision of a housewife (p.104). This is surprising but I also wonder if Barr really only has in mind the upper classes; surely the average household couldn’t afford to hire male servants, could they? Barr cites historian Katherine French who explains that an economic crisis drove women from better-paying manufacturing jobs to domestic service and that by the sixteenth century, housework had become the accepted purview of women and that between the mid-fourteenth and mid-sixteenth century, the household took on a certain piety alongside becoming a place marked by increased consumer culture (p. 104). I am no economic historian, but I have always been under the assumption that for most of history, men and women worked in partnership in their homes - planting and plowing fields, milking the animals, sewing, cooking, cleaning. In contrast to today where men and women go to work in the public square, haven’t most families historically worked in the private sphere of domesticity? It’s not as if the Reformation or complementarianism newly introduced women to sewing and cooking and childcare. While I agree with Barr that conservative evangelical approaches to family can be excessive and more inspired by Joanna Gaines than Jael (she draws attention to the 2006 SBC Ministers’ Wives’ Luncheon which featured an interior decorator), when she writes “the modern conservative movement that glorifies housework, childcare, and family management was born of the growing international trade and consumption of domestic goods in early modern Europe” this seems, frankly, false; housework, childcare, and family management are inherent in life and have been since time immemorial (p. 105).

Barr spends little time examining the pastor’s wife in the period after the Reformation, leaping ahead a few centuries until the 1950s (though she does chronicle the life and divorce of Delilah Morrell in the 1800s). Once she arrives in mid-20th century America, Barr turns her attention to the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), the largest Protestant body operating in the USA today. The SBC at one point ordained women and permitted them to preach in the pulpit but these progressive, egalitarian gains were steadily eroded as conservative Southern Baptists infamously seized control of the body beginning in 1979. Adrian Rogers, Paige and Dorothy Patterson, Paul Pressler, James T. Draper, Albert Mohler and others shifted the SBC decidedly towards the right, against women’s ordination and towards a strict complementarianism that declared wives were to submit to their husbands. Dorothy Patterson is the leading light of pastors’ wives, admired in conservative circles for her scholarship and for the programs she spearheaded to instruct women how to be good wives to their pastor husbands but much of her teaching seems downright silly, such as modules on how to exit a vehicle modestly and how to pack your husband’s suitcase. In the SBC, the pastor’s wife ironically resulted in the diminution of female clergy (why pay a female pastor if a pastor’s wife will perform these duties as a “two-for-one” deal with her pastor husband).

Barr mentions how the conservative resurgence was influenced by the fundamentalist Bill Gothard but I wish she had spent some time distinguishing between fundamentalists and evangelicals. Myself, I like the term evangelical and don’t want to lose it, but I think in recent years “white evangelical” has become increasingly associated with the farther and farther right in the USA but Mohler and Douglas Wilson are not Billy Graham and Beth Moore; I wish historians, who arguably know best of all what makes a fundamentalist and an evangelical, would be more nuanced on this front.

Though I am not a complementarian, I find it interesting that we are living in a cultural moment where even non-Christians are expressing nostalgia - and even support - of “traditional gender roles.” One sees this in the thought and work of Louise Perry and Mary Harrington who have critiqued the sexual revolution of the 1960s, the time when women were liberated from domesticity and when SBC wives aided conservative men in barring women from ordination in their denomination. Like it or not, I think complementarianism provides a seeming antidote against the epidemic of gender confusion that is plaguing society because complementarianism offers simple, straightforward teaching on what it means to be a man and a woman. As much as I vehemently disagree with the SBC, us egalitarians can sometimes be guilty of treating women in the SBC as if they had Stockholm syndrome when a great many freely exercise their autonomy and agency to remain in a conservative body that gives their lives meaning and direction.

The book’s title is a bit misleading. Barr looks back across the wider Christian tradition but her target (rightfully so, in my opinion) is the white evangelicalism/fundamentalism of the Southern Baptist Convention (there are also a lot of denominations - including evangelical denominations - that affirm women's ordination like the Church of the Nazarene, the Global Methodist Church, and ECO, to name but a few). I think the story of “becoming the pastor’s wife” would look different in mainline Protestantism, pentecostalism, and in egalitarian evangelicalism, not to mention among other ethnic minorities like Hispanics and Asians (though there would also be affinities). Barr herself admits she wishes she could talk more about pastor’s wives in the black church (who she regards as a role model for what a pastor’s wife should and could be) and among pentecostals. Barr contends that the rigid complementarianism that the SBC and other extremely conservative denominations practice fosters an environment where women are denigrated, deprived, and where the abuse proliferates and while I agree, as an egalitarian I look at the sexual abuse scandals of Gilbert Bilezikian and Bill Hybels with shame; egalitarianism is no perfect sanctuary from victimization, though surely it is still preferable.

A large part of Becoming the Pastor’s Wife is drawn from a bibliography of 150 books that are all devoted to how to be the wife of a minister written in the last 100 years and primarily from North America. Barr lays out her methodology for gathering these books, beginning with searches on WorldCat and Amazon and then adding further books that were cited by authors, that appear in syllabi in courses designed for pastor’s wives, or that appeared on websites dedicated to resourcing pastor’s wives (p. 200). Barr notes there is a significant uptick in the amount of books for pastor’s wives published beginning in the 1980s. As a former librarian and current bookseller, it’s interesting to examine the books listed. Certainly, many of the books on this list come from major publishers such as Zondervan, Crossway, and Moody, but at a glance, around a quarter of the books appear to be self-published (Xulon, BookBaby, Start2FinishBooks, etc…). Looking up one at random (The Cross Bearing of a Pastor’s Wife by Deloise C. Thomas), I see it’s only available in three libraries according to WorldCat, so what kind of reach does that book have compared to a more established author like Dorothy Patterson or Kay Warren?

Readers of Barr’s earlier book The Making of Biblical Womanhood will find overlapping themes in Becoming the Pastor’s Wife, such as the Church’s selective amnesia that conveniently forgets that women of the past held more pastoral and leadership authority. Barr’s book is a passionate cry for women in the SBC to be emancipated from complementarianism and for those SBC women who feel called to ordination to be given the opportunity to work in paid, vocational ministry. I stand by this clarion call, but I also wonder if the SBC is too entrenched in its conservative, rigid ways to be reformed from the inside out? When Beth Moore finally discerned that she had to leave the SBC, she joined a church that supported her pastoral giftings; perhaps the best path for those who feel repressed in the SBC is to journey towards other churches?

[Richard Propes · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first time I encountered author Beth Allison Barr, Dr. Barr, was not long before the world was introduced to "The Making of Biblical Womanhood," Barr's 2021 Brazos Press release that would shed light on and call out Christian patriarchy in a way that shook up evangelical circles and helped many, especially women, put words to long repressed faith experiences. In many ways, Dr. Barr took what many of us had simply accepted about our churches and proclaimed "This is not biblical."

And she backed it up.

I'd gotten to know Dr. Barr ever so briefly through social media, her social media presence resonated with me - a profoundly intelligent woman with an aura of traditional southern charm and a willingness to make cookies for her students and support her Baptist pastor husband all while deliberately yet respectfully tapping on the glass house known as the Southern Baptist Convention.

Truthfully, I couldn't help but like her and I absolutely learned from her even as I processed through my own challenging seminary experiences and struggles as a white male with significant disabilities trying, and often failing, to live into the ministry into which I've never had any doubt I was called.

But, it's hard to serve in ministry when people passionately believe, and often tell you, that your disability resulted from your own sin and/or the sin of your parents.

Sigh.

I worried about Dr. Barr, I can't deny it. In the days leading up to her book's release, I found myself wondering "Does she realize what she's gotten herself into?" It's a question it appears she even asked herself I discovered as I read through the pages of her latest release "Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry."

"The Making of Biblical Womanhood" was one of my favorite books in 2021-2022 and there's no doubt that "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" will be one of my favorite books of 2025.

Over the course of her journey with "The Making of Biblical Womanhood," I watched Dr. Barr with more than a little awe as she batted away the critics and powerfully, yet always respectfully, pointed the way toward a better way forward.

"Becoming the Pastor's Wife" weaves together a tapestry of rich humanity and academic expertise to trace the history of the role of the pastor's wife. It's a role Dr. Barr herself has had for twenty-five years during which she's lived with the assumptions about what she should do and who she should be even as she grew into her current role as James Vardaman Endowed Professor of History at Waco, Texas's Baylor University where she specializes in medieval history, women's history, and church history. This time around, I'd dare say that Dr. Barr writes with a self-assuredness that is an absolute delight in its confidence and wisdom as she draws upon her own experiences and that expertise to trace the history of the role of the pastor's wife. Dr. Barr brings forth how this important leadership role came at a cost - losing independent leadership opportunities that, as she documents powerfully, existed throughout most of church history and reinforced a growing gender hierarchy that prioritized the careers of men (especially spouses since churches nearly always prefer married men over single men). "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" examines this journey, drawing an undeniable connection between a decline in female ordination and the role of this "pastor's wife" in the evangelical church - the latter often being a submissive, supportive, and unpaid role always deferring to the male headship (Ugh. That was gross to even write.). Dr. Barr powerfully illustrates this journey through historical narratives, personal testimony, and past and present figures to help all of us, myself included, better understand the historical reality of ordained women.

If you know me, you already know that I am strongly in the Dr. Barr camp and have regularly sought out underrepresented pastors including women. I do what I can to support their ministries - whether it's attending services, reading books, going to workshops, or simply being sure that I use titles (Rev. or Dr. for example) rather than overly familiar language often based in gender stereotypes (like simply using a first name).

In "Becoming the Pastor's Wife," Dr. Barr is relentless in her passion and dedication to truth. Dr. Barr's work here is precise, absolutely clear, almost jarringly unflinching, and yet also filled with compassionate wisdom, uncommon pastoral care, and a soothing of the spiritual soul including an acute awareness of those looking for another way forward.

"Becoming the Pastor's Wife" challenged my own beliefs, assumptions, and knowledge while offering me the tools to understand and the grace to learn and grow. It will offer the same for you in a myriad of ways. Destined to be one of my favorite books for 2025, "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" captures both the historical realities and the infinite possibilities of how we can all live into a more Christ-centered church that insists on a new reality for women in ministry.

[Hannah Claire]

As someone who was told I couldn’t be paid for missions work if I wasn’t married (and that my paycheck would be my husband’s), this book is greatly appreciated.

[CatReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beth Allison Barr is an American historian and tenured and endowed professor of history at Baylor University in Texas; relevant to this book, she is also married to a pastor, Jeb Barr, who oversees a Baptist church near Baylor University. Barr's academic work includes studying the roles of women in early Christian history, and has led to the publication of several books aimed at general audiences, including 2021's The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth. In 2025's Becoming the Pastor's Wife, Barr explores the diverse roles of women in the early church, which included women who functioned as pastors, bishops, and other prominent leadership roles, and contrasts this with the treatment of women perceived to be in leadership roles in the modern-day Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), of which she and her family are members. Barr's central hypothesis is that the main outlet for which women can serve a visible ministerial function in today's SBC is to become a pastor's wife -- a nontrivial role for which much time and energy is required and often no money or tangible reward is rendered. But it's a double-edged sword -- pastors' wives who don't want this role, who dare to speak their minds and raise contrarian views, who are perceived to have other priorities (such as Barr's tenured academic job), or who don't conform to what's expected of pastor's wife (having kids, dressing modestly, staying thin, entertaining effortlessly, acting graciously) are penalized, both in their personal reputation and their husband's career success. Barr also speculates on what led to the church becoming so patriarchal, as her research into the early church doesn't support women always being so limited.

This was an interesting read, though I would've loved to hear Barr compare and contrast more contemporary examples from other Christian denominations and other religions, as well as include more historical examples between the 13th century (where Barr asserts the church's patriarchal stance tightened) and now.

Further reading: women and religion
The Woman They Wanted: Shattering the Illusion of the Good Christian Wife by Shannon Harris (a former pastor's wife)
The Preacher’s Wife: The Precarious Power of Evangelical Women Celebrities by Kate Bowler
A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings
Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope by Megan Phelps-Roper
Breaking Free by Rachel Jeffs

My statistics:
Book 172 for 2025
Book 2098 cumulatively

[Aaron West · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a pastor's wife myself, I felt the need to wade into this debate. Yes, I have been wanting to write that introductory phrase in a review ever since I picked up the book--my second read from Beth Allison Barr. I'm thankful for women like her who exemplify Christian leadership in healthy ways and who aren't afraid to weather contrived controversy for the sake of furthering equality and justice in the church.

I liked the book. It was no Making of Biblical Womanhood--it was in fact much more niche yet wholly related to the topic of Barr's first book--but it was an interesting read nonetheless. Replete with examples from scripture (where was Peter's wife?!) to the Middle Ages (bless Malburga), Barr's thesis is an interesting one that gives a somewhat refreshing angle on the complementarian vs. egalitarian debate: something that I'm prone to generally avoid at this point in my life because it seems like going backwards and thus wasting time and mental energy at best and a malicious distraction from bad faith actors at worst. But this was fresh and new. It was more than just a tell-all about the hideous assertions and realities under a strictly (fundamentalist) complementarian view for pastor's wives--but actually dives deep into the definition of what it means to be a minister, what it means to be ordained, and where the idea of a two-for-one pastor and his wife get their origins.

Sadly, and on the whole, this book is yet another reminder that in about the late 1970s and early '80s and beyond, Christian faith in the American church (The Southern Baptist Convention, or SBC, in Barr's case) has been corrupted by bad faith arguments and a resurgence (or insurgence) of right-wing, culture-war-prone, conservative extremism and even dogmatic militarism. This movement in churches in the wake of a changing culture and the second-wave Feminist and Women's Liberation movements of the '60s and '70s immediately bled into political life, driving the Republican Party to far-right extremes (and paving the way for the pseudo-wannabe-fascist now sitting on his ass in the Oval Office) and rotting American cultural, intellectual, and yes--spiritual--life. It's all connected. So really, we can say that the 1980s saw America getting fucked over and the early knee-buckling of U.S. liberal democracy on its way to a late-stage capitalist death rattle.

It's all sad, because it could have all been so different. And it started among so-called Christians. I am thankful for Beth Allison Barr and the work she has done. I thought her dive into specifics, while interesting and informative, could be a little unfocused at times. Her work on exploring the connection between abuse in the church and the SBC's view of women and their roles was exceptional. I think Barr could have done with a slightly more scrupulous editor, as she uses a lot of short sentence, single lines to make a point; almost like breaking the fourth wall to give a power sentence directed right at the readers. There were multiple of these per page and it did get a little distracting.
Sort of like this.
Anyway, I digress. It's worth a read, especially if you're a Jesus nerd who can't get enough of church history with a side of "how did it end up here?/let me figure out the source of so much personal religious trauma while still seeing the value of faith/mystery and Christian belief as a potential net good for the world" like I am. I'll end with some quotes.

"In sum, between 1987 and 2000, the largest evangelical denomination (which controlled several seminaries, religious institutions, and a publishing company), another influential evangelical publisher, and a small, interconnected group of male leaders who together exerted a disproportionate amount of influence over evangelical culture made decisive and public demonstrations affirming the 'biblical' teaching of male headship and female submission."

"For more than five decades, conservative evangelical theology has been teaching an increasingly restrictive gender hierarchy that privileges male power and authority while subordinating and marginalizing women. The sex abuse scandals that are currently plaguing the SBC are not anomalous; rather, they are the product of a systemic culture teaching that women are worth less than men."

[Jessica - How Jessica Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

The overall church history parts of this were FASCINATING. I didn’t realize how much of what I think of as cultural mores in my family of origin are actually cultural mores for Baptist pastor’s families. (Eldest daughter of a pastor… I have some hang ups. 😅)

I thought it was going to be a 5. But, it slowed down a bit for me toward the end when it honed in so hard on SBC scandals. So a 4 instead.

[Kara Fuson · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Do the work of an ordained pastor but without the ordination”. Dr. Barr writes another heavy hitting book. This book is well researched and VERY thorough, so if you commit to this book, buckle up. I always enjoy Dr. Barr’s knowledge of the medieval church, a period I know nothing about. If you enjoyed her other book “The Making of Biblical Womanhood”, then you’ll enjoy this one as well.

[Kristi Witmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read. There were aspects of the book, particularly when she got to the contemporary church setting, that centered primarily on the SBC church. I would’ve loved to cover other evangelical/complimentarian denominations alongside SBC and their expectations and treatment of pastor’s wives, the lack of which she acknowledges in the last few pages of the book. Without knowing she wouldn’t be covering other denoms, it occasionally felt like she was sweeping the entire pastor’s wife experience under that of the SBC experience, and I found myself wanting to ask pastor’s wives I’ve known from non-SBC complementation settings—about their experiences. Having grown up as a pastor’s daughter in a complimentarian setting, there were definitely aspects that rang true to what I recall observing, but others that didn’t really resonate. Even less so in my current “loosely” complementarian (my words:)) Church.

Edited to add: one thing that I thought was very significant was the correlation between removing women from roles of leadership and unchecked clergy abuse. This in particular would be something to study and talk about in all denominations, especially when there’s an absence of females on leadership teams.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to be friends with Beth Allison Barr so badly!

Felt very seen and validated on this book and I learned so much. Very well researched and she makes some astonishing connections.

[Megan Healy · Rating 4 out of 5]

To be candid, I feel like I could physically feel myself getting un-brainwashed as I read this book.

I picked it up because Calvin University was hosting a talk with the author, and I have high regard for the Calvin Center for Faith & Writing. I have never felt any desire to be a pastor’s wife, but I was curious about what she had to say about the role.

Barr explains the modern day evangelical mindset about women in the church, that they be submissive, leaving leadership to the men. Churches teach a gender hierarchy, with women permanently subordinate.

This tracts for me. I WAS taught the importance of male headship, and that behind every successful man was a woman holding the ladder for them to climb. I was taught that my dignity lay primarily as a helper. I WAS taught to be uncomfortable with women in leadership roles, that it was off, as she says, “a slippery slope leading to apostasy”.

I’ve always been told that this perspective was biblical. Barr challenges that view with many examples from history, including biblical history. The Southern Baptist Convention, making up the largest percentage of Protestant churches in the US, gives this defense for ceasing to ordain female ministers:
“the bible excludes women from pastoral leadership because the man was first in creation and the woman was first in the Edenic fall.”

Seriously? This is the crux of the argument? Because that’s pretty weak.

This book really asked me some hard questions, and caused me to re-examine the fairness (or lack thereof) in church structures. I think every evangelical woman should read this book and consider how Jesus didn’t bar us from his ministry… the patriarchy did.

If nothing else, the parts about being a pastor’s wife are interesting, and I do think it’ll give you a little more grace with your pastor’s wife, because the expectations there are pretty unreal, as if they are a 2-for-1 deal.

[Esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isn’t a book for everyone, but I definitely needed it. Though Barr focuses a lot on her SBC context, she articulates a lot of what I experienced in my time as a pastor’s wife. It’s a good book for pastor’s wives and women who feel called into ministry to read. But I also think it’s an important read for anyone who’s part of a church, especially those on a church/ministry board. Barr writes about how we got here, but through Scripture and history, she also challenges us to imagine something better.

“What if we course-corrected the pastor's wife role?
What if we recognize how much of what we perceive as a biblical role for pastors' wives has been created by culture (especially white Southern culture)?
“What if we recognize that a woman married to a minister can have a calling separate from her husband, that her domestic role does not define her identity in Christ?
“What if we recognize that the only true "biblical" role for a woman is to do whatever God has called her to do?
“Can you imagine?”

[Persis · Rating 5 out of 5]

TL;DR
“Becoming the Pastor’s Wife” traces the role of the pastor’s wife through church history and discusses the implications of that history for women in the church today. The role has evolved over time, only recently morphing into what we would recognize today. Beth Allison Barr’s thorough research from the early church to the present, shows that women’s ordination was more common in the past than we might think and that its strict prohibition is a modern phenomena coinciding with the resurgence of patriarchal views of women in society and the church. This book is worth reading even if you don’t agree with Barr’s conclusion because the more we learn about church history, the better informed we are to examine our present views of women in leadership. 4.5 stars rounded to 5. (I would have liked more details on the history of women’s ministry in the Black church.)

Full review:
If there is one common fixture of modern American evangelicalism - it’s the pastor’s wife. Her characteristics may vary slightly from denomination to denomination, but there’s a vibe of setting an example of godly womanhood befitting the church’s culture, domesticity, unspoken or openly recognized authority over other women (only), and serving alongside her husband in an unofficial and uncompensated capacity. In other words, two for the price of one. Piano playing and admin skills are a plus. Her role is so normative that many of us never question the position or wonder where “she” came from, just assuming that it’s the way it’s always been. But not Beth Allison Barr. As a pastor’s wife and an academic historian, she wanted to find the origins of this role and published the results of her research in her latest book, “Becoming the Pastor’s Wife.”

This book takes us from the early church to 21st century Southern Baptist culture and examines the evolution of this unofficial but often influential church position. Interestingly, the Bible is quite silent. We never learn anything about Peter’s wife other than Jesus healed her mother, and we hear zero about other apostles’ wives. However, church history is not silent. Archaeological artifacts document women in ministry often in the same or comparable ordained positions held by men. In Medieval times, celibacy became the norm to prevent ecclesiastical dynasties. However, priests did not always comply. After the Reformation, priests transitioned to Protestant pastors who were allowed to marry. Their wives were the first pastor’s wives, which was quite controversial after decades of celibate-only clergy. But as time went on and wider changes in the culture took place, women’s ministry began to move from the church to the home especially after WWII. Yet women continued to be ordained even in the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC). Fast forwarding to the late 20th century, a more drastic shift took place where women were strongly discouraged, if not barred outright, from pastoral ministry (or anything that was remotely pastoral) and the pastor’s wife, as we know it today, began to take shape. This was spearheaded by the conservative resurgence in the SBC and aided by conferences, books, and para-church organizations. The pastor’s wife was not only tasked to be an exemplar of “biblical” womanhood but with the added responsibility of making sure her husband’s ministry succeeded.

Was this trajectory good for women in the long run? Barr argues to the contrary. Women who believed they were called to ordained ministry were shut down. Pastor’s wives couldn’t just be married to a man who happened to be a pastor but were required to meet ministry expectations regardless of personal gifting or calling. And being a pastor’s wife did not protect women from abuse. Barr cites an egregious case of domestic/pastoral abuse that was glossed over by some of the higher ups in the SBC. Any freedom for spiritual vocation, outside of the status quo, was taken away, which is inconsistent with that denomination’s belief that no one can supersede the Holy Spirit in an individual believer’s life.

Even if you don’t agree with Barr’s views on women’s ordination, there are still some important takeaways:

1. We are shaped by our time and place. We all have biases. No one comes to the Bible with 100% objectivity, so what we defend as “biblical” may be heavily influenced by present and inherited culture. Intellectual integrity demands that we examine the roots of our ideas.

2. Figures in church history aren’t just object lessons or ammo for debates. They were real people with their own stories and context, which is why we need good historians. Simplistic portraits, even well-meaning ones, aren’t sufficient. (How much of our understanding of Medieval life was formed by watching “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” or anti-Catholic prejudice? Do we assume that Martin and Katie Luther were pretty much like a modern evangelical family but with beer?)

3. History is complicated. Barr mentions how changing economics shaped a woman’s place in society and the church, which is probably a whole area of research in itself. But what about politics and political violence? Our church forbears lived through very perilous times that must have impacted their beliefs and practices, not to mention inflicting trauma. She also highlights the differences between the Black church vs. majority white culture. Thus a one-size-fits-all approach to women in the church overlooks the many factors throughout time affecting many different people in many ways.

4. Christians don’t all believe the same things nor practice their faith the same way. The insistence that we can find the one and only Christian answer to life, the universe, and everything is actually a byproduct of the Enlightenment. If God is infinite, then it takes quite a bit of hubris to think that one tradition has figured it all out. Maybe it would behoove us to learn from one another in humility, extending grace to those who differ and receiving grace in turn.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading “Becoming the Pastor’s Wife.” The history was fascinating, and my appreciation for its importance has grown since reading Barr’s first book. (I need to revisit “The Making of Biblical Womanhood” and rewrite my review.) History can’t be ignored. The more we learn about people and their contexts in history, the better informed we will be to examine our ideas, be willing to admit our biases, receive correction, and more faithfully obey what God has called us to.

(I received an ARC from Brazos Press and NetGalley in exchange for this review.)

[Sumner Adkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know if you're ready for this review, because I don't know if I'm ready for this review. Before I go any further, this book was written by an author who is a pastors wife, has been part of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) for years, and did deep research to come to the conclusions that she did in this book. I don't believe that she wrote this with a "woke" agenda in mind, but instead to shed light on church history and what's true and what women have been lied to about. That might be a hot take, especially for my conservative friends, but do me a favor and read the book before fighting with me in the comments.

If you've seen this book on shelves in your local bookstore and wondered what it's about, so did I! This was probably one of the best written books to challenge complementarianism and have women question conservative gender theology that I've ever read regarding submission and headship.

Beth Allison Barr doesn't use the typical Scripture passages to shed light on gender theology, but instead goes to church history to show what the women's role previously was in the church and that she was able to do more than be a glorified volunteer or be a pastor's wife. Women, according to her research, were at one point in positions of leadership over *gasp* MEN and women. I would just like to clarify, that everything I'm referring to is regarding women in the church, not necessarily marital dynamics.

One of the biggest highlights in the book is that leadership within the SBC have slowly silenced women's voices within the denomination and have created a patriarchal ideology within conservative evangelicalism. Men like Bill Gothard and Paige Patterson have a hand in this (which Bill Gothard is the religious leader of IBLP, the fundamental group associated with the Duggars) with the umbrella concept of male headship and female submission. Not only that, but before Patterson stepped in as president, the SBC encouraged women ordination in the church and supported it! So what happened? That's exactly what Barr wants to show you in her book.

Here's what I liked about this book: I like that this book was super well researched and she also was able to write from her own personal experiences. She isn't someone from a progressive theological background, but instead was immersed firsthand in the denomination and asked questions about why things were the way that they are. She really encourages women in conservative denominations to do their research about the historical context of women in ministry and to advocate for themselves.

Here's what I'm bothered by: The way that the sexual abuse allegations that came out and how they were handled is super disheartening and even makes me angry. The SBC knew about the abuse and instead of reporting it to the police and removing these men from positions of power, women were silenced and men were able to continue on with their lives and careers. This feels extremely cultish to me! Why weren't things reported to the police? Why does it feel like the SBC functions almost as its own separate entity or government? I really don't like it, and I've been part of the SBC for years.

Final thoughts: I would first like to say that as a believer, I believe that the God I serve is a God of love and wouldn't want things to be handled the way they were by the SBC when it comes to victims of sexual abuse. If you have ever experienced abuse in any way, especially by the church, please know that He loves you, cares about you, and would never harm you.

The second thing I would like to say is that the way women in super conservative circles have been treated when it comes to ministry has never set well with me and I'm no longer going to feel guilty for that (especially when I've experienced it firsthand as a woman called to ministry). Am I fully convinced that women should be elders or ordained in the church? Not exactly, but I do think that we have a place in the church and our voices should be heard. Do I think women being ordained is a gospel issue? No and I think it's silly if you do.

If you read this entire review, first of all thank you because it's a lengthy one. Second, this review has a lot of hot takes and might even make some uncomfortable and that's okay. I read and write reviews for the purpose of shedding light on what the book is about so you, fellow reader, can know what you're stepping into. I also would like to say that not everything I read is a reflection of my personal beliefs. There are some things I read and agree with, and others that I don't. If you don't agree with my review, I at least ask that you be respectful towards my thoughts and opinions as I will be respectful towards yours.

[Sarah Greene · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part history of women in church offices, part continued therapy book, part axe to grind. As with her first book, I wanted so much more from this.

Barr is at her best when she is doing medieval history. These early sections are fascinating. She dives into the slight slight chance that a few women may have presided over the Eucharist, as evidenced in the Priscilla catacombs, and spends a lot of time on the 13th century doctrinal shift to transubstantiation and how this lead to male only clergy and clergy celibacy. Her reformation history is also great. But she stretches things here to imagine some reformers wives “preaching” even when they never did

I want more than anyone to believe that women’s ordination is legit, but I just don’t see the historical evidence. She quotes from the golden standard Gary Macy book and that is probably just the book to read if you want more historical data.

The second half is more beef with the SBC, and granted, the conservative resurgence left bodies behind the bus in a serious way. But equating sexual abuse of women with not ordaining women doesn’t quite add up. She uses the terms “complementarianism” and”patriarchy” interchangeably (which I find ironic because the real patriarchal folks I know think complementarianism is far too soft and definitely not patriarchy) to describe the SBC and this hurts her case. Again, her best points were when she tried to imagine a world where women could serve in church independent of a pastor/husband and could be represented in leadership and heard by leadership. I think this is possible in a healthy church without female ordination because I have seen it done well! But I also understand the frustration of seeing women silenced and abused and not given space to use their gifts in your own denomination.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a historian, Barr approaches women in church leadership from a particular point of view: that of a historian.

She began with the question, “Where is Peter’s wife?” Where are women in the New Testament church? What are they doing? It turns out, if you know how to look, you’ll find they were doing a lot.

The second chapter is titled “When Women were Priests.” In this chapter she examined the evidence in the earliest days of the church. Again, she shows us the evidence of what women were actually doing.

The third chapter is, “The Not-So-Hidden History of Medieval Women’s Ordination.” This is Dr. Barr’s area of expertise and she again shows us what women were doing as they led, taught, and served in the church in formal and informal ways.

These first three chapters provide the groundwork for a closer look at how women lead in the church today. What has changed? What has been lost? What has been the greater impact on the lives (and safety) of women in our churches? I loved this book. I highly recommend it, particularly for the historical background information.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt this book very deeply in my soul.

I should mention that MANY people who look at the cover of this book think it’s about how to be a 1950’s good housewife pastors wife.

It isn’t.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Becoming the Pastor’s Wife is another powerful, incisive work from Beth Allison Barr—equal parts historical excavation and personal witness. Having had the privilege of being one of her students at Baylor, I continue to be amazed by the clarity, compassion, and courage she brings to every project. This book is no exception.

In The Making of Biblical Womanhood, Barr challenged the cultural roots of complementarian theology. Here, she goes deeper into the lived experience of women in ministry, tracing the historical role of the pastor’s wife—not just as a supportive figure behind the scenes, but as someone doing real, often unacknowledged pastoral labor. Through historical research, theological reflection, and personal narrative, she makes the case that the church has long depended on women’s leadership while refusing to fully recognize it.

What struck me most was how Barr highlights the tension so many women feel: called to serve, teach, lead—but constrained by expectations that frame their work as secondary or unofficial. Her writing is honest, vulnerable, and grounded in love for the church even as she critiques the structures that marginalize women within it.

This book is for anyone who’s ever questioned why women’s work in the church is so often invisible—or why titles and authority are so selectively assigned. It’s also a profound encouragement to those who’ve been quietly doing the work all along.

Beth Allison Barr continues to be one of the voices I trust most in these conversations, and this book only deepens that trust. If you care about church history, gender, and justice, Becoming the Pastor’s Wife is essential reading.

[Kayti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook. Another well-researched book from Dr. Barr on the role of women in the church, taking a deep dive into the development of the role of pastor’s wife, particularly in the SBC.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Barr articulates many of my views, earned through experience rather than research. Her research validates my experiences as well as describes the historical and culture factors that have shaped that reality (rather than Scripture shaping it.) For that I'm thankful.

[Jared Greer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful and sobering read that pushes back against (and offers historical context to) various stereotypes surrounding the role/expectations of a pastor’s wife in modern evangelicalism. Through extensive research, Barr (a contented pastor's wife herself) demonstrates that women have functioned as authoritative leaders, teachers, and ministers all throughout church history—and in most cases, they have done so without receiving the status or compensation awarded to men for the same work. Over time, the ministry of women has been relegated to the unofficial role of 'pastor's wife'—and increasingly, the road to independent ministry (apart from marriage to a minister) has become difficult for women in the church to navigate. Even more sickening is the fact that throughout history, women in ministry have been actively disenfranchised by men who permitted, perpetuated, and even profited from the abuse of women. Repeatedly, the church has rewarded men complicit in abuse while harming and disadvantaging women of faith. This is a grim reality; but Barr offers a hopeful and optimistic vision for the future in her final chapter—drawing especially from the wisdom of women in the Black church.

There are two relatively minor reservations I have with the book. First, a good portion of the book focuses on the SBC in particular—which might alienate readers who do not share Barr's background in the SBC. Certainly, there is wisdom and insight here for non-SBC readers; but its more limited scope may make it less resonant for some. Second, I wish Barr offered a redemptive vision for submission in the book. After finishing the final chapter, I searched for every instance of "submit," "submission," "submitting," etc. used throughout the book. From what I can tell, every instance of the word seems to cast the principle of submission in a negative light. Granted, it seems that in every such instance, Barr is referring to a kind of unilateral submission in which men have unilateral authority over women. It's understandable to cast this conception of submission in a negative light; as Barr demonstrates, such a unilateral conception of submission has been weaponized and used to justify all manner of evil and abuse against women. Barr is right to decry this. Nevertheless, I think there is a healthy, mutual submission—entailed in passages like 1 Cor 7:4-5 and Eph 5:21—that even those of us who are mutualists/egalitarians can and should affirm, as it is grounded in the self-emptying submissiveness of Jesus himself (e.g., see Alan Padgett's book, "As Christ Submits to the Church"). Again, I completely understand where Barr is coming from; but I fear that readers of this book might walk away with the impression that submission is always something to be demonized—when in actuality, it is a virtuous posture that all disciples (male as well as female) are called to adopt toward one another, in emulation of and out of reverence for Christ.

[Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Barr comes with the historical receipts as an academic, historian, and perhaps most importantly, a pastor's wife herself. Case by case from Old through New Testament, from the earliest Christians through medieval history, and up to today, she traces the clear history and lineage of women in ministry long before it was "forbidden" by men.

This is not a glib opinion piece. It is a deeply researched presentation of clear history, facts, and theology by an expert in her field, and should not be taken lightly.

By using her home denomination of the SBC as a case study, Barr outlines the progression of a once egalitarian group as it moved toward its current complementarian stance, and demonstrates the harmful side effects it has caused to women in its wake.

If you're looking for a dry or academic work on women in ministry or their right to be there, this isn't it. This book brings history to life and thrusts its importance into our present day, demanding attention and answers.

[Cara Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bravo, bravo, and especially applicable for women who have been or are currently a part of the SBC. Even though I called many streams within white evangelicalism home for a long time, the SBC was never one I swam in — so parts of the book worked but did not fully “work” for me (or resonate with me) like they surely will for some readers.

[SarahO · Rating 5 out of 5]

2nd time read: Great audiobook and fascinating history.🙂

[Beck Conway · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book, was very illuminating and lit the feminist fire in my belly. it wasn’t a biblical/theological discussion about women’s leadership and authority, but a historical overview of the various offices of ministry women have held over millennia - and show’s that our increasingly narrowing expectations of women in ministry (specifically, of course, pastors wives) is not as grounded in biblical principles as we’d like to think, but part of a larger cultural shift that began in the 80s.

Dr Barr’s experience limits the scope of this book to the policy of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) and other American Evangelical churches that disallows women to be ordained ministers, and instead can only pursue a call to ministry via marriage to a pastor. I am very thankful that Australian churches are not so conservative, although there are definitely enough scary parallels to warrant concern. This book opened my eyes to just how conservative American Evangelicalism is, and the detrimental effects that this ideology has on women - in independent ministry, as pastors wives, or in the laity. The final chapter on the consequences of silencing women in leadership has on the silencing of vulnerable women in the wider church was such an important link to make. It leaves me wanting to answer the question: how do we get men in the church to listen to women’s voices? How can we ensure that the doctrines we enshrine do not privilege male power and further diminish the rights of women and the incredible influence they can have on a church?

My one criticism is that at times I found Barr’s arguments too speculative or rhetorical, rather than factual, which i feel undermined her efforts to convince the reader of her point of view.

This book wasn’t the instructional manual or the outline of the expectations of a ‘pastors wife’ like I was expecting. This book didn’t answer all my questions. But it was a very good book and I’m glad to have read it.

but I cannot give it 5 stars because I’m not an American Evangelical so a lot of the stuff wasn’t as life changing for me.

[Sharlene · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 💫

“Women are valued in patriarchal societies for how they relate to and support men. They are typically not valued apart from their connection to men. Doesn’t that sound like a pastors wife?”

This book was interesting, informative and at times frustrating either way how women are perceived and expectations placed on them once they become pastors wives. I do not think I am the target audience, mostly because at times I found the writing isolating when Barr kept referring to the SBC, as I am not familiar with that organization. I did enjoy the historical references she would make and intertwine with the book like when she was speaking about Priscilla and telling her story, I found it very intriguing and loved seeing it being referred to how we should be with pastors wives today and the leadership they should have.

All in all, I just felt like the book read very much at times like a bible study or I felt like the writing style didn’t really draw me in, I felt like I wasn’t eager to get back into a book. I think the book has value and is definitely informative and should be read if you are an active member of a church or serve in a leadership role in your church. Because sometimes it seems in some churches the only way a woman can serve is by being a pastors wife, which in turn leads to exploitation and it just shouldn’t be the norm where that is the only way a woman can lead her community. But I believe this book leaves us with hope and possibility for change and conversation within the church.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

While Barr is obviously very knowledgeable on the subjects she writes on, I personally find her writing style to often wander about before she makes her point. This book is clearly written for the benefit of a lay audience and as such she uses multiple stories (her own and others) to exemplify her point. Often these stories felt like they are an emotional plot point which drive her book rather than the actual history.

That said, where Barr brings her scholarship expertise to bear this book is phenomenal. In writing this book she states she researched 150 books on pastor's wives. Each of these books and her method of creating this list is referenced in the back. She also extensively cites her historical sources which gives credibility to her work. In a footnote from chapter 1 she lists 5 scholars and their works and encourages the reader to compare the historical scholarship in those works compared to what is presented in the larger white evangelical community. I greatly appreciate that she doesn't just expect readers to take her word for it but offers a path forward for learning. In this she demonstrates a true teacher's heart.