Silence Breaks

The Moments We Stand #1

by Ashlee Birk

My name is Ashlee. I am a victim of murder. Through a series of events and by two shots of a gun, I was made a widow at the age of 28, with my youngest child just six weeks old. I am a victim of infidelity. I have felt unlovable. I have felt rejected. I have had days in my life when I wasn’t sure if I would ever take a breath again, let alone be able to raise my five children by myself. I have lived in fear. I have felt much heartache. I have felt truly broken to my core. I have carried some heavy burdens...not only of my own, but burdens put upon my shoulders by the death of my husband. I have felt alone. I have felt humiliated. I have been humbled to my knees. I have searched my soul to find my worth in this world, and in the life that was left for me. My world has been totally shattered. I have faced realities I never knew were possible, and found strength within myself to keep up the fight and live every day as if it was on purpose. I have been carried by Angels...both earthly beings and those unseen. I have found that being a “victim” doesn’t mean we have an excuse to stop living. Being a victim means finding a reason for seeking a higher road. I have picked up the pieces left and carried on. I am a mother. We are survivors. In one way or another, we are all victims. There are times in our lives when we are forced to question who we are at our core. When we are presented with a path...we can go this way or we can choose that way. For some, this moment comes when the one person whom we love the most decides we are not enough. This person leave us—at a most vulnerable moment—alone to search within ourselves for who we really are. We are left trying to find who it is that was left behind. Sometimes the person we love dies. Sometimes it is merely an internal battle we are facing...all alone inside our minds. Whatever the situation and wherever you have been...you have been hurt. You have felt alone. You have been abandoned, either by your parents, your lover, your friends, complete strangers, or even yourself. We have all been at that crossroad where all we have left is ourselves. Sometimes these moments of lows have brought you to your knees and caused you to reflect and ponder your relationship with God...and other times they have made you question if He is even there, or if He knows you are alone. Whatever that moment has been for you, it is personal and real. It has defined and refined who you are, who you think you were, and who you want to become. This is my story...the defining moments that have truly brought me to my knees, the times when I’ve questioned to my core my very existence, and the experiences I’ve had that have shown me who I really am and who my Heavenly Father still needs me to become. The night of my husband’s death was my darkest hour, but also the very moment when I saw firsthand that my Heavenly Father sent Angels on errands for me. He carried me. It was the hour when all my fears and all the pain of this world collided together and He was there...putting back together all the pieces, one step at a time.

Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime

266 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 28, 2014

Reviews

[Jackie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author went through something that no one should ever have to experience. The actual story of what happened, her own and her children’s experiences of dealing with the shock and betrayal and how she overcame those feelings with faith were interesting. I gave it two stars because after the first few chapters I just didn’t enjoy the preachy style and skimmed over most of the book. I’m not against spiritual guidance but this was just too much.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so amazed at what she had to go through. I was so impressed by her attempts at recovery and healing. How she turned to the Savior and her Heavenly Father to help her through this overwhelming experience has taught me so much.

[Tiffany Smart · Rating 1 out of 5]

Agh, I hate giving bad reviews to memoirs because that feels offensive to someone’s life story…. But….

One star for the way this book was written. I think it’s a compilation from her blog. The story itself is fascinating, but the delivery is just kindof cringey and privileged. (Example sentence: My husband is dead and would never be able to see his son grow up to be a jock that he wanted.” Or “I’m utterly alone. No one has gone through what I have or had such a hard trial.”)

Five stars for her resiliency and courage.

Ps. I hope she doesn’t ever read this or have a goodreads account cuz I’ll feel like a total jerk.

[Amy Hopkins · Rating 1 out of 5]

I believe Ashlee went through a terrible tragedy. What she went through was awful. I worry that publishing this and other things may have a negative impact on her children.

[Dennise L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Revitalizing

Through the most painful experience a loving wife could experience, The author demonstrates how faith is really at the core of her experiences. Though I have not experienced her circumstances, I have endured a pain so deep thatv8 never thought I would experience joy again, yet my faith carried me through that as well and the words in this book brought more light to my soul, light that I didn't even realize I needed until I read this book. Thank you for sharing Ashlee!

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. It’s really hard to rate someone’s real life story. I had to rate this more on the writing than the actually events. I’m sure as this was her first book her writing has gotten better since then. (Audiobook was narrated by her - and you could feel the emotions coming through.)

When at a crossroads we have two choices victim or survivor. She was handed a life she didn’t hope for or expect - a tragedy -shellfish acts that changed the course of so many lives. She found the beauty in the little thing.

[Kara Kresser · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've followed Ashlee's blog for a while now and have had a chance to hear her speak in person. Her book is just as amazing as the blog and hearing her speak. As someone who has expirenced loss (not the same way Ashlee did) I can relate to so many feelings in her book!

[Debbie Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

Carol heard about this woman from her mission. The book is the author's feelings taken from her blog rather than a story. I really just skimmed it. I think the author is hoping to teach her children things she learned.

[Kim Bishop · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read!

This was a great book with so much faith and feeling. She kept her dignity the whole time. I watch her and the other woman on Dr Phil..... the other woman acted as though she did nothing wrong!

[Jessica Duggan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, inspirational, related to it

[Tonia Allred · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story about overcoming trials.

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not finish. Awful.

[Linda J. J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn't put this book down. Well-written true story.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first heard Ashlee's story on dateline. I was impressed with her and wanted to find out more which led me to her blog. I binge read her blog. I couldn't get enough of the story.

Fast forward another year and I watched a rerun of the dateline episode. I wanted to see how she was doing and got back onto the blog. That is when I decided to buy the books.

The first book is just her blog in print form. What I loved about it this time was I had already read for the "story" so this time I was able to read her sweet testimony in each blog entry. Her faith and love for the Savior is amazing and inspiring.

I would have given this book five stars except for one distracting thing, for me anyway. When Ashlee writes she uses a lot of ... I am not a writer nor an English expert, but I seem to remember ellipses are to signify that you left a passage out? Did she leave passages out of the print version that are on her blog? Or does she just like to use ellipses? It is a mystery I found myself wondering about every time I reached an ellipses...which was a lot... But even with that distraction her story is sweet and faith promoting...and she is a great example of a faithful LDS women.

[Rachel (find_me_lost_in_a_book) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book especially for anyone that has lost a spouse to death. Although hers is a story of a violent death that involved her husband involved in an affair. Anyone that has lost a spouse to death can relate in many ways. This book teaches many other valuable lessons that apply to everyone. This book is packed with lessons about who we are, about appreciating each day we are given, forgiveness, helping our children to deal with grief, relationships, courage to stand and deal with difficult things in our lives, power of light and darkness, beauty within each of us.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure what I expected from this book. The first night I read it I could not stop crying. Ashlee has a wonderful, strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She shares her testimony in every chapter. The second night I finished the book. I wanted to know the what now... How is it 3 years later... How has she and her kids made it 3 years later? I believe everyone could be strengthened from this book.

[Cj Sime · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all, this girl has gone through so much and has definitely been refined by the fire. I love that she used this book/her blog to cope and healthily process her and her family's ordeal.

On the clinical side, the writing wasn't overly technical and I am not positive, but I think it is her blog in book form-- had I known that I probably wouldn't have read it. That being said, it was a quick read and I am happy she has overcame such sad circumstances.

[Teresa Warner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolute Page Turner!

This is the best book I have read in a very long time. Ashlee's story of strength and perseverance is moving and inspiring. Her faith through everything she has had to endure is astounding. I have journaled so many great nuggets from this book that I will keep with me for the rest of my life!

[Coryann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not entirely sure what I expected with this book but what I read didn't match my expectations. It's a sad story but she looks at the positive side of her very tragic situation. It's inspiring because we can all relate in some way to the things she describes. It quickly comes to an end and I found myself slightly confused. The book seemed unfinished.

[Lex · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's amazing how people can go through such hard times and forge ahead. I had to take a break from this book off and on because it was so sad. I love how Ashlee writes about finding strength from God and our Savior. I'm glad she wrote this book and that I had the opportunity to read it. It's got a lot of quote worthy material.

[Mturney1010 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Incredibly heartbreaking story pumped full of Hope and God. I remember this happening almost four years ago, and at the time feeling devastated for this woman. I'm glad she decided to tell her story and share her beautiful testimony.

[susan anthony · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Message of Healing

I bought this book because I thought it would be full of drama. However this book became a message of hope from Our Father speaking through the author and her painful tragedy she was forced to face.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an incredible book. I admire her telling her story. And I am thankful for the things she taught me through her trials.

[Erma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Heartbreaking story told with faith, perseverance, and strength.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the story intriguing. She is really good at figuring out and describing her feelings, not always an easy thing to do.

[Jaylynn Gold · Rating 5 out of 5]

The power and insight Ashlee gives through her terrible experience are uplifting. Amazing story.

[Brooke Noble christensen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Her story is unbelievable. Your heart just breaks for her. It was word for word her blog. Not worth buying the book.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't give 5-stars very often but this book was well deserving. Very well written!

[Elizabeth Becraft · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how she has found the strength and the courage to keep moving forward. Even through the worst times for her and her children. That is what having God in your life can do for you!

[Amber - Eat, Tan, Read · Rating 5 out of 5]

This woman has so much strength. We could all learn something from this book.