Reejecttion

Rejection #1

by Daniel Clausen

Have you ever faced rejection?

How about reejecttion?

This short story / essay collection looks at the challenges of being a writer, the challenges of being a human, and the challenges of being on the other side of a form rejection slip.

We regret to inform you that when you read this short story collection you will laugh, you will scream, but mostly you'll wonder how getting reejectted ever felt so good.

Genres: Short Stories

63 pages, Paperback

First published July 24, 2014

About the author

Daniel has wanted to be a writer ever since he was in elementary school. He has published stories and articles in such magazines as Slipstream, Black Petals, Ken*Again, Aphelion, Spindrift, Zygote in my Coffee, BlazeVox, Euphony Journal, and Leading Edge Science Fiction (among many others).

He has written many books: The Sage and the Scarecrow (a novel), the Lexical Funk (a short story collection), Reejecttion (short story/ essay collection), ReejecttIIon -- A Number Two, (short story /essay collection collaboration with Harry Whitewolf), Something to Stem the Diminishing (short story / essay collection), The Underground Novel (a novel / self-help book), Pure Writerly Moments (a Wattpad collection of essays and stories), They're Making it Up as They Go Along (a literary experiment with Harry Whitewolf), and the Ghosts of Nagasaki (a novel).

His novel "Statues in the Cloud" is available on Amazon Kindle and in Paperback for a very reasonable price. https://www.amazon.com/Statues-Cloud-...

Reviews

[Daniel Clausen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please watch the book trailer here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7m3I...

You never forget your first rejection.

The first time I attempted a "professional" short story was when I was 15. I wrote a science fiction piece about an astronaut rejecting heaven so he could come back to life and save the planet. It was terrible! (So, terrible that when my 29 year -old self found the story some years later, he promptly threw it out.)

I submitted the story to a journal. I got back a postcard that said, "Thank you for your submission. P.S. next time, include a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope" (so we can reject you good and proper).

The next submission I did just that. And this time I got a good and proper rejection. This one said, "Sir, you write like you're in high school."

I was in high school, but it still hurt.

Here is a clip of Matt Damon talking about being "Okay Thanks-ed"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J_Ky...

That's what it feels like every day to be a writer.

"Hey, I wrote this..."

"Sorry, I'm busy. Gotta go, bye."

Oh so many...rejection letters. Some probably well-deserved.

You can download off of Goodreads right here:
https://www.goodreads.com/ebooks/down...

[Harry Whitewolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can still remember when I was a young kid, hearing the word cheesecake for the first time. I remember not being able to comprehend how such contrary ingredients- cheese that you eat on toast or with ham and pickle, and cake which is super sugarly delicious- could possibly be united. Cheese CAKE? And then, after one bite, my fears were put to rest and I gobbled up the lot.
Reejection is eating a slice of cheesecake for the first time.
It's raw, quick, sharp and lazy, purposely partly cobbled together, and you might think it wouldn't work, but it does.
Basically, this is a collection of Clausen's writings, reviews and short stories intermingled with hilariously written fictional rejection letters. Now, don't get me wrong- the balance between the author's slaved over, publishing worthy writings and the frustration of bog standard rejection replies does indeed work very well, but I couldn't help think that I'd have liked a book of just the fictional rejections alone; simply because they're so good, and I'd have liked more. In which case it could have been one of those rare gems like The Screwtape Letters or The Time Waster Letters. But I'll gladly take what's on offer because Daniel Clausen is one of those writers who I can relate to and who I can guarantee will provide me with a smile.
The short story The Forbidden Story of Patient 14892 I found to be particularly brilliant, but more than anything it felt like a blueprint for a full blown novel, which I would love to read one day. His interview with Daniel Clausen is also very good, as are many others. If you're a frustrated writer or a reader of humorous, poignant, engaging, somewhat alternative writing, then you'll dig Reejection. It's only sixty pages long and it's free, so what are you waiting for?


Harry Whitewolf (author of Route Number 11 and The Road To Purification).

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a good laugh reading this book/collection. The reejecttion letters were very entertaining, I can't believe that the author managed to get published in BADONKADONK literary weekly, I love reading those stories, I usually get slapped by the wife for checking them out, but I always try to have a peek when I can.

The author has included some of the reviews of books he has read, I think if the authors of those books had seen what he has written they would go "WTF was that all about?" they are bankers, but brilliant reading.

Now for the books one weakness, He has included some of his short stories not all of these got reejectted and it would have been nice at the end of each story to be informed of who reejectted the story so that I could vent my rage at them. I loved the stories, they were quirky, witty and short, my fav being the dystopian future "The forbidden future of patient 14892" a masterpiece that I hope was one of the lucky ones to get published.

A very good author, I will now have to check out his other work.

Blog post is here> https://felcherman.wordpress.com/2018...

[Rebecca Gransden · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Reejecttion Daniel Clausen takes on a sometimes warped, frequently amused, fleetingly poignant and bizarrely confusing world of rejection, focusing on the literary kind but branching off to cover many different guises. Particularly effective are the creative rejection letters each with their own charm. I rather liked the one based on the Platonic idea of form, the ultimate rejection letter, the one all others are mere representations of.

The word Reejecttion in itself is a little distracting, putting me in mind of top-loading VCRs and VHS tapes that had massively oversized cases. I have fond memories of reejjecting many films from these machines. One special selection comes to mind - Soul Man starring C. Thomas Howell. I bought a bundle of VHS tapes from the local video shop when it closed down including Desperately Seeking Susan, Weird Science and mostly more John Hughes movies, I think Pretty In Pink and Ferris Bueller also but I could be daydreaming those last two. Soul Man was in the section marked ‘Misjudged’ next to the horror subgenre ‘Melt movies’. There were so many melt movies! I’m hoping my choice of Soul Man was to make up the numbers in a bargain bin offer rather than me actually wanting to watch this film, but who knows?? This film is a boring curio that got reejectted a lot. What is James Earl Jones doing in this film??? Jaw-dropping. The horror, the horror, the 80s, the 80s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2zMr...

Clausen presents us with tongue in cheekiness throughout. This collection is best dipped into. I’ve been dipping for the past few days and it’s been a fun diversion. It benefits from the thrown together quality, giving it a rough edged likeability, the thread through of the rejection letters holding together the pick ‘n’ mix feel. The pain of rejection never goes away but here it’s put in a philosophical perspective. Shrug your shoulders and move on, I suppose. I very much enjoyed the inventive and playful techniques used to tackle the subject, and as it’s a short read and free you might too. I got it here:
https://www.goodreads.com/reader/5905...

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything about this book was humorous and haphazard. I liked the intermingling short stories, book reviews and rejection letters.
I have chatted with the author about writing, and from this it is clear to see that he just cannot stop writing, or put the creative brain to rest.
I can't imagine what it's like for a writer to put his/her soul into writing to then be in receipt of standard rejection letters. However, Daniel has a great "right-back-atcha" response to every kind of rejection letter scenario, while also, in the acknowledgements, thanking everyone who works in the publishing industry that produces these letters.
My particular favourite short stories are - The Forbidden Story of Patient 14892; Cup 24; and The Drawer.
Looking forward to reading more from this author.

*Thanks to the author for the free copy*

[Suzanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Daniel Clausen is a funny, creative, talented writer with a distinctive voice and a unique way of looking at the world. The concept was pretty good, and I enjoyed the humorous fake rejection letters that Clausen sprinkled throughout the book.

So why only three stars? Well, to be honest, this book felt hastily compiled and incomplete. As a reader, I feel a little insulted when I read something that I feel the author didn’t put much effort into.

Each of the essays and stories in this book has an intriguing character, concept, or central metaphor – but no follow-through. In fact, to use the word “stories” is a stretch, because none of them have a beginning, a middle, and an end. This is too bad, because I would really like to read these pieces if he ever finished them.

The book is riddled with typos and grammatical errors. Clausen justifies this with a lot of arrogant, ideological nonsense – “This book has heart! Polishing your work strips it of its uniqueness and authenticity!” I suspect that this may have been simply a lame excuse for the fact that he was too lazy or too rushed to do anything beyond a rough first draft. If it truly was an artistic choice, I think it was a weak one; the errors didn’t amuse me or add to my reading experience.

Even if I ignore that aspect of it, aren’t these all works that Clausen tried to get published? In the context of this book, he at least makes an excuse for why the work is incomplete, but why would he submit shoddy work like this to publications?

While reading this, I thought of three possible ways this premise could have been effectively executed:

1) If Clausen were already a famous, successful writer – If you love an author, especially a dead author who will never release another complete work, it can be really cool to look at his or her rough ideas or snippets of writing. Maybe this is partially because you have read the author’s completed works, and you have an idea of what he or she could have done with it. No one knows who Clausen is, so we don’t know if this is the best he could possibly have done (which I doubt, because he seems intelligent).

2) If Clausen made a definite decision to make the work good or bad – People love watching good movies. People love watching bad movies. People don’t like watching movies that aren’t very good but aren’t bad enough to be entertaining. This book falls into that third category.

3) If the work was “bad” for a different reason – This book reminded me of animator Don Hertzfeldt’s short film “Rejected,” which is a collection of short animations that Hertzfeldt allegedly submitted to different companies who asked him to make commercials for them. Whether these animations are actually “bad” is subjective, I guess – but they are sometimes obscene, often incomprehensible, and *always* completely inappropriate for the context. This works because Hertzfeldt made a very clear, obvious editorial choice to make the work worthy of rejection; it’s not just a collection of kinda-okay, not-really-that-good rejected commercial work Hertzfeldt did.

Anyway, if I haven’t made this clear already, what bothered me about this book was not that it was so bad (it wasn’t); it was that it could have been good if it hadn’t been so sloppily executed. I like Clausen’s ideas, I like his style, and I like his writing. I hope that in the future, I will have an opportunity to read a more polished, mature work from him.

[bsolt · Rating 4 out of 5]

"You have committed a very serious breach of section 999 of the conformist laws, punishable by the NCP, the non-conformist police, a subsidiary of the police, which is of course a subsidiary of Theracorp."

No one likes rejection.

Daniel Clausen is becoming one of my favorite independent authors. I received a copy of The Ghosts of Nagasaki a couple of years ago (wow time really flies) and I was entranced with his writing, threaded with the story of Shūsaku Endō's Silence. I was very happy to see the release of Reejecttion; however, I seemed to have put it aside was was reminded of it when the second volume was recently released.

Well.. I guess I should begin my review before the Semicolon Mafia comes for my cyber-toenails.

Reejecttion is a collection of stories connected through letters of rejected stories. The letters start off...legitimate...but quickly devolve into outlandish and ridiculous, in my opinion, to illustrate the pain and sometimes absurdity of form rejections in the publishing world. My favorite in the collection was from the Laundromat Quarterly. As I said in one of my updates, I felt energy, synergy (What the hell is synergy? I have no clue) when reading this collection. The way the stories fell, the way the letters interjected between the stories, all drew me in and kept me engaged.

I enjoyed all of the stories but a couple stood out to me. I had read in the past the short story THE FORBIDDEN STORY OF PATIENT 14892. I was gripped by the story the first time I read it and even though it felt very familiar, I was finding new quips and pieces to the story that made me laugh in that way when you laugh at something so sad and true it's funny. The second half of the story was new to me and I laughed right along with that one too. The story that has stuck with me the most was THE OPENING LINE. Wow. I was floored after reading this story. THE OPENING LINE is structure as a letter from one women to another on the surface about Jim, about their relationship, about a book and the opening line. But the depth. The depth! Of the comparison of a cheapy romance novel with a crappy opening line to her relationship is brilliant. How she could not get over the opening line. How that line and that gift was inseparable from her current relationship with Jim, her marriage. Only when she picked up a paperback version was she able to read and enjoy the novel...

"What an awful, ugly sentence. To understand how truly ugly it is you really do have to marry it. You have to have it presented to you signed in hardcover. But love doesn‘t always happen in such elegant terms. Sometimes love is just as dirty as that first line. I hope you can understand that."

Nothing to do with my review, but this was one of my favorite quotes. I share the same fear.
"I have this fear that used bookstores will cease to exist in the near future. They exist in spite of reality now."

[Ami · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found Reejection by Daniel Clausen in the same way that someone looks down and finds a five dollar bill just as they are paying for a cup of coffee: Not necessarily looked for, but serendipitous and appreciated just the same. I would be dishonest if I said that the fact that I was able to read this for free didn't, at all, color my opinion. The concept behind the book, as a whole, is entertaining and interesting enough to make it worth the time. The series of short stories are peppered with imagined rejection letters that poke the literary bear and make fun of the overly formatted rejection letters that often feel like they're laughing behind the litany of their version of "Sorry, not a winner. Try again later". In particular I enjoyed "Drinking Water" and "The Opening Line". Both of them worked through two very different voices, but both managed to hit notes of a kind of achy nostalgia and a discordant anti-catharsis that I, personally really enjoy. I don't know that I will actively seek out Calusen's full length novel, Ghosts of Nagasaki, just from this, but I will probably hold on to the electronic copy and return to it from time to time.

A note about the non-edited form: I can appreciate the sentiment of just putting it all out there, but there are moments where a misspelled word or clunky grammar pulled me out of the story I was enjoying and it took a bit of effort to ignore them for the sake of the story.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

This melange of not-quite-abandoned writings is incredibly brief but oh, so, so tasty!

Clausen's short stories reach past my brain and connect directly with my spine in the same way a grooving bassline does at a gig or a club. When I read Daniel's novel The Ghosts of Nagasaki earlier this year it really spoke to me in a way few novels do and the shadow of that feeling was present in these tantalisingly truncated tales too.

The reejecttion letters featured here are absolutely hilarious as well and almost made me remember some that I've received over the years with a perverse kind of fondness.

I wasn't quite sure about the inclusion of a lengthy book review here. It was passionate and well-written but almost put the book off-balance for me. Either that or I could be talking bollocks again.

I heartily recommend this book to lovers of short pieces of writing... and while you're at it read Clausen's novel too. If your tastes are anything like mine, you won't regret it.

[Kerry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really adore this book. I enjoyed it immensely, especially the letters which are par for the course. You will enjoy reading this small adventure in Reejecttion, it will certainly entertain a few and it will bring small pains to others cutting there teeth. Nothing like being on the receiving end of those synonymous papers in the mail. It will make you laugh, cry and scream through out the book, you might even slam your fist into a wall. There's a lot to be said for those who still rise above the challenge.
Highly recommended.

[David W. Cofer · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Reejecttion,” by Daniel Clausen is a hilariously funny read. The book is short, under 50 pages, and can be read quickly, but not soon forgotten. The book is a collection of short stories, essays, and funny rejection slips (satirical and fake).

My favorite stories were “Drinking Water,” “The Opening Line,” and “The Forbidden Story of Patient 14892,” which reminded me a lot of the writing of George Saunders.

The best rejection letters were from Laundromat Quarterly and Badonkadonk Literary Weekly.

If you want to read a short work that will put a smile on your face, this is for you.

[Kent Winward · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reviewing this little book has proven difficult. The concept of dealing with rejection from the publishing world by publishing a satire of rejection letters, interspersed with content that was ostensibly "rejected" is a five star concept, despite my three star review.

I also know that the author is here on GoodReads and you end up with trepidation in reviewing work of someone who is quite clearly trying to create an audience, a voice, and a writing career and well most probably read what I write -- talk about a focused audience for a review.

First -- why the three star review. The content was uneven -- some really good stuff, interspersed with pieces that didn't work as well. I'm also reading Reejecttion II and having a similar experience and it has been hard to separate the two books.

Despite the 3 Star review, I'm reading these books. I actually sought out this book after getting Reejecttion II. The concept speaks to every writer's need for social acceptance. It is a universal concept and the books will play well with other writers. The changes in publishing that allowed Clausen to get past the gatekeepers and get his work out is the underlying philosophic pinning for this work.

And that brings me to the second reason for three stars: The books point out the problems with the new publishing paradigm, the annihilation of the gatekeepers. Commercial gatekeepers guaranteed a strip-mall sameness and quality to any books purchased in the age of the mass market paperback. Academic gatekeepers insure inaccessibility, erudition, and quite often boredom. But we are human, time bound and need help navigating the flood of words that technology has poured out upon us. Do we just rely on a Goodreads feed to tell us what to read -- outsourced gatekeepers? The literary magazines of yore at least allowed for a place for dialogue and it was consolidated, concise, albeit too often as a good ole' boys' club. Now the literary magazine is so clannish and cliquish that the readership is roughly equal to the contributors. Reejecttion points this problem out quite gleefully. It just left me wanting more. The problem is obvious and a slow moving target, the solution is much more elusive.

I'm looking for the answer of how do you live a literary life in today's world? Reejecttion only showed me why it is relentlessly difficult to do so. The paradox is that actual rejection can ultimately fuel connection more than acceptance. Rejection can also be classified as discernment. Rejection by a gatekeeper is one thing. Rejection by readers is death. How do you connect in a world of over-connection?

Yep, this stream of conscious review is guilty of the same things I'm criticizing about the book -- a rambling, not quite focused response. I read. I didn't reject the words. And I connected. I think maybe that is the biggest problem, I wanted the connection to feel stronger than it was. Maybe the next title should be "Coneecttion". I hope that despite my review, that is the case.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before 2 there was 1, written by Daniel Clausen. Reejecttion contains rejection letters and outlandish stories that are like the thrust of a sword, followed by a BOING! sound that indicates it is only plastic.
Laundromats, used bookstores, ‘just to make time to shag my girlfriend I had to dump 300 submissions in the trash unceremoniously’, bad first sentences, Sal (he isn’t sure if his name is Sal or Sally) and more off the wall observations on daily life are written about in Reejecttion.
Reejecttion is not as chaotic as Reejecttiion 2 but still is a lot of fun.
(I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review )

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very different, interesting, and refreshing! At first, I didn't know what I was reading. I was curious and confused, whereas many books these days tell you everything but the ending on the first page. The rejection letter to the reader actually made me laugh out loud. Rejection letters are given out like candy... college applications, career applications, scholarship applications... The rejection letter addressed to the readers says that WE cannot turn the page... but we do because we can and want to! Kind of like the message of the book. It doesn't matter what your rejection letter says unless you make it matter to you; unless you let it tear you down. And as Clausen says, "Sometimes, progress comes at the hand of a jackhammer. Some kind of bloodletting is necessary from time to time." That statement there is so reassuring... something I'd want on a pillow... if they could fit it. Reejecttion can relate to everyone.That's just the beginning. Clausen's humor, exaggeration, sarcasm, and creativity show how each rejection letter we receive, no matter how flowery or "nice" it may seem, we all read it in our own way: upset and frustrated, condescending and with a better-than-everyone-else attitude, or with vague interest. The short stories are all different from the last and cover so many different kinds of people and lives. I feel like the author just woke up one day and said, "I'm tired of rejection. I'm going to write short stories no matter what these bozos says and I'll write it how I want to write it: with lots of sarcasm and insults."

[Taylor Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

I personally loved the short stories and got a good laugh from the reejection letters. But seriously, "What was THAT about?" a question that is asked within the pages comes to mind. It was a quick read, yet it made me stop and think at multiple intervals throughout the book. It is a good book for the bathroom or at work, as all the stories are short enough to steal away for a few minutes. Short and sweet and left me wanting more short stories from the author... but wait, there is a sequel to this one and I'm about to read it as well. My favorite story was the one about Sal, who lives in the future and goes to therapy / plastic surgery meetings. Take that as you will... just read the book. ;;;;;;;;;

[Kara Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads. You can too because the book is free!

This book was hilarious. If you have ever been rejected, which most of us have been, it allows a softer side to be taken.

I also loved some of the short stories, they reminded me a lot of 1984 and were excellent.

The rejection letters are indeed so funny. The sarcasm Daniel uses in this book is excellent too.

I also enjoyed the links to the Monty Python video and another link to a blog with the 10 types of rejection letters and what etiquette you should use.

I would read this book if you are an author who has recently been rejected, or just want something funny to read!

[Conny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been familiar with Daniel Clausen's work, he is such a talented Author, so when the opportunity presented itself to download one of his books for free I immediately jumped on it. I found the short stories and essays very entertaining and funny and I ended up laughing out loud at some of the rejection letters. I thoroughly enjoyed this book.

[Oliver · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reejecttion is a collection of short stories, mock rejection slips, and book reviews. It’s only 60 pages long. I read it in 64 minutes, and that’s with stopping for a pee break, so for that reason alone it’s worth checking out. But it’s also worthwhile because Daniel Clausen is just a good writer. In the book’s introduction, he talks about the Japanese word, “kaizen” (改善), which means “continual improvement,” and although he points out the flaws of this as implemented in the country’s business system, I’m going to go ahead and take the liberty of speaking for the author here and say that the concept of “kaizen” is largely the motivation behind releasing this collection of works: to set these efforts into stone so that he can focus on improving his craft via new works instead of unendingly revising old ones. The result is some inclusions that, as an outsider I feel, are not as developed or polished as they could have been, but I’m also not considering character limitations set by publications, or any other factors that might have influenced Clausen’s decisions to leave them as he did. Besides, after a certain point, you have to stop worrying over the absolute perfect phrasing for every sentence any longer (I’ve never written a novel, but I used to write poetry for myself, and articles for my university’s newspaper).

Drinking Water ★★★★★
I really liked this one because at first it seemed like it was going to center around some kind of racism commentary, then it starting leaning towards a love story, but then in the end had nothing to do with either of those things, and was just about having the courage to just do “it” if you’re unsatisfied with your life.

The Opening Line ★★★★
Written as a letter, it tells the story of a woman who uses a highly-anticipated gifted hardcover book with a disappointing opening line as an analogy for her relationship with her “ex-husband, now boyfriend.” I kind of saw the ending coming, but I wouldn’t call it predictable.

The Forbidden Story of Patient 14892 ★★★
A dystopian future, where sex-changes, plastic surgery, emotion-numbing drugs, and denial-as-therapy are the norm. I got the connection to the current, real-life world, where companies market superficiality and consumerism as virtues, and the negative repercussions this has on people’s self-image, but this felt just a bit too “out there” (or maybe it just tried to say too much in too few pages) to be truly effective satire.

Cup 24 ★★★★
Despite being just short of a page-long, this one did a good job of getting the reader into the narrator’s head. He’s desperately trying to recreate a moment, and is stubbornly optimistic that the next cup of coffee will do the trick. I took it as showing how we sometimes assign artificial importance to trivial actions, instead of taking responsibility for our destinies.

Sal and the Revolution ★★
I wanted Patient 14892 to have more time to develop its satire on our superficial-and-depression-filled society, so when I saw that Sal from that story had returned, I had high hopes, but was pretty disappointed. Sal has been informed that (s)he is a “martial arts expert and leader of the revolution.” (S)He has suffered some memory loss, but then remembers what said revolution is all about: not obsessing over bodily imperfections and allowing therapists, psychogenic drugs, magazines, etc. controlling how to feel about yourself. But then the last line is him asking for pants. Has he given up on the revolution? Worse yet, has he given in to the “tyranny of a world controlled by therapists and various types of psychogenic drugs”? Clausen has a lot of endings that lack any real conclusion, but they generally work. Here, not so much.

In a Glass Box Over Osaka ★★★★
Life is like a ferris wheel, and if you disagree, there’s a man at a bar in Osaka drowning his recent breakup in martinis and talking to any and every Japanese businessman who sits next to him who can explain why.

Again ★★★
Two paragraphs pondering about life without an ex. Short and sweet.

The Science of a Perfect Summer ★★★
Four friends discuss what they should do to best capitalize on their summer. It’s never specified if this is the summer after college graduation/before they need to settle into a “career” or something like that, but I’d wager this isn’t just another summer where what happens next is part of some routine. Should they go where they want and worry about finances later, or should they make “smart” decisions that guarantee financial comfort and status? As someone who teaches English as a foreign language, I have conversations with the same sentiment with basically every new teacher who comes to work at the cram school. I don’t think the comparative advantage of “coolness” is the best argument for just hitting the road, but I guess it’s okay.

The Drawer ★★★★★
A student’s writing instructor says, “The first rule of writing is: bury the evidence… somewhere where it can decompose quickly.” At first I took that to mean that you should not show anyone your product, but I assume it means bury the drafts because, as the conversation continues, the reader is led to conclude that the idea of keeping a drawer is bad and not conducive to good writing. Your writing won’t get better, in fact it will probably get worse. These unfinished works are (hyperbolically) why there is horribleness in the world. I’m trying to follow that advice and write this review in one go (I wanted to keep it brief, but you can see how well that worked out).

I won’t individually review the rejection letters, but I thought they did a good job of showing how (I assume) submitters would prefer honesty and straightforwardness. The Laundromat Quarterly (“laundromat subgenre is a very demanding one) and Badonkadonk Literary Weekly (the only literary magazine tattooed on a woman’s butt) especially humorous.

Lastly, the concept of presenting book reviews as works of literature themselves never crossed my mind until reading these ones. It still seems a little weird (a tad pretentious even, maybe), but they’re well-written, and I enjoyed them enough to add some new books to my to-read list.