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Loyal to a Fault: How to Establish New Patterns When Loving Others Has Left You Hurting
Read by the author.
Do you find yourself living as the people pleaser or peacekeeper? Do you avoid conflict? Learn how to overcome your fears about setting boundaries and step into a life that's overflowing with love, respect, and healthy relationships.
We are people who love patterns, even if returning to these patterns continues to hurt us or those we love. Some of the most harmful patterns of behavior are passed down through generations and inherited, often without our permission or awareness. The conflict arises when these behaviors are so deeply woven into early family systems that they later become part of our identities, clashing with who God has created and called us to be.
As a child, Courtney Burg quickly learned that remaining loyal to others meant keeping secrets, even if these secrets were keeping those she cared for most sick. Her efforts to sustain the peace followed her into adulthood and slowly left her depleted, discouraged, and drowning in the chaos—until Courtney discovered that not only did God grant her permission to engage in relationships differently, but that he gave her specific instruction on how to do so.
In Loyal to a Fault, Courtney Burg unpacks the various ways we cope with, enable, and participate in unhealthy relationships or generational trauma. Using personal examples and providing practical wisdom, Courtney helps you break free from codependent patterns
Identifying the role you are playing in keeping the dysfunctional patterns going.Reframing what it means to love and remain loyal to those who matter most.Reminding you that boundary work is a biblical practice.
It is possible to learn how to love others well without losing yourself along the way. People pleasing, complaining, and exhaustion may be today's norm, but at any moment you can choose to do things differently. Begin setting boundaries and start enjoying relationships in all the ways God designed you to.
Reflection questions and charts can be found in the audiobook companion PDF download.
Do you find yourself living as the people pleaser or peacekeeper? Do you avoid conflict? Learn how to overcome your fears about setting boundaries and step into a life that's overflowing with love, respect, and healthy relationships.
We are people who love patterns, even if returning to these patterns continues to hurt us or those we love. Some of the most harmful patterns of behavior are passed down through generations and inherited, often without our permission or awareness. The conflict arises when these behaviors are so deeply woven into early family systems that they later become part of our identities, clashing with who God has created and called us to be.
As a child, Courtney Burg quickly learned that remaining loyal to others meant keeping secrets, even if these secrets were keeping those she cared for most sick. Her efforts to sustain the peace followed her into adulthood and slowly left her depleted, discouraged, and drowning in the chaos—until Courtney discovered that not only did God grant her permission to engage in relationships differently, but that he gave her specific instruction on how to do so.
In Loyal to a Fault, Courtney Burg unpacks the various ways we cope with, enable, and participate in unhealthy relationships or generational trauma. Using personal examples and providing practical wisdom, Courtney helps you break free from codependent patterns
Identifying the role you are playing in keeping the dysfunctional patterns going.Reframing what it means to love and remain loyal to those who matter most.Reminding you that boundary work is a biblical practice.
It is possible to learn how to love others well without losing yourself along the way. People pleasing, complaining, and exhaustion may be today's norm, but at any moment you can choose to do things differently. Begin setting boundaries and start enjoying relationships in all the ways God designed you to.
Reflection questions and charts can be found in the audiobook companion PDF download.
Audible Audio
Published December 12, 2023
19 people are currently reading
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 30, 2023
This is one the best nonfiction books I have read in a very long time. It is filled with hope and understanding and ministered to the places in my heart that were hurt from my dysfunctional family of origin. I highly recommend everyone read this book!
August 19, 2024
Really excellent look into relationship patterns, codependency, the savior complex, and boundary work. Burg integrates Scripture and human psychology to illuminate how intentional relationship healing is a holy practice and in line with God's design for real, fruitful love.
August 23, 2023
"Loyal to a Fault: How to Establish New Patterns When Loving Others Has Left You Hurting" by Courtney J. Burg delves into the profound subject of breaking free from generational wounds and finding a path towards healing, growth, and authentic relationships. As someone who engages in formal, detailed, and long-form content creation, this book offers a rich wellspring of insights to explore and discuss within your book reviews, social media posts, and business blogs.
The book's exploration of the impact of generational wounds and the echoes of dysfunction from one's childhood and family resonates deeply with your propensity for detailed analysis. Your ability to dissect complex themes in a comprehensive manner can be channeled to explore the intricate interplay between past experiences and their effects on present relationships.
The concept of "generational curses" and how they shape our behaviors and beliefs offers ample material for your formal content creation style. You can intricately dissect the mechanisms through which these cycles are perpetuated and examine how they clash with personal growth and one's spiritual journey. Your detailed examination of these themes can serve as a cornerstone of your book review, offering your audience a nuanced understanding of the book's message.
Courtney J. Burg's approach to breaking free from these cycles involves a multi-step process, which you can delve into through your detailed analysis. You can explore each step, such as taking a belief inventory, uprooting limiting beliefs, recognizing the need for personal change, and reframing the meaning of love and loyalty. Your formal approach can help your audience grasp the significance of these steps and how they can be practically applied to their own lives.
Your expertise in content creation can also be harnessed to discuss the book's emphasis on self-empowerment and taking authority over one's fears. You can provide your audience with detailed insights into how confronting deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors requires courage and a commitment to growth. This aligns with your inclination to produce content that encourages reflection and personal development.
Moreover, the book's exploration of shifting from a pattern of submission to embracing one's true self aligns with your appreciation for transformative narratives. You can use your formal and detailed approach to discuss how this shift can be achieved, offering practical guidance for your audience to reclaim their authentic selves and make choices that align with their personal values and aspirations.
In conclusion, "Loyal to a Fault" offers a wealth of thought-provoking material for your formal, detailed, and long-form content creation style. Through your analysis of the book's concepts and insights, you can provide your audience with a comprehensive understanding of the journey towards breaking free from generational wounds and embracing healthier patterns of behavior. By discussing the book's themes in a detailed manner, you can empower your readers to embark on their own paths of healing and self-discovery.
The book's exploration of the impact of generational wounds and the echoes of dysfunction from one's childhood and family resonates deeply with your propensity for detailed analysis. Your ability to dissect complex themes in a comprehensive manner can be channeled to explore the intricate interplay between past experiences and their effects on present relationships.
The concept of "generational curses" and how they shape our behaviors and beliefs offers ample material for your formal content creation style. You can intricately dissect the mechanisms through which these cycles are perpetuated and examine how they clash with personal growth and one's spiritual journey. Your detailed examination of these themes can serve as a cornerstone of your book review, offering your audience a nuanced understanding of the book's message.
Courtney J. Burg's approach to breaking free from these cycles involves a multi-step process, which you can delve into through your detailed analysis. You can explore each step, such as taking a belief inventory, uprooting limiting beliefs, recognizing the need for personal change, and reframing the meaning of love and loyalty. Your formal approach can help your audience grasp the significance of these steps and how they can be practically applied to their own lives.
Your expertise in content creation can also be harnessed to discuss the book's emphasis on self-empowerment and taking authority over one's fears. You can provide your audience with detailed insights into how confronting deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors requires courage and a commitment to growth. This aligns with your inclination to produce content that encourages reflection and personal development.
Moreover, the book's exploration of shifting from a pattern of submission to embracing one's true self aligns with your appreciation for transformative narratives. You can use your formal and detailed approach to discuss how this shift can be achieved, offering practical guidance for your audience to reclaim their authentic selves and make choices that align with their personal values and aspirations.
In conclusion, "Loyal to a Fault" offers a wealth of thought-provoking material for your formal, detailed, and long-form content creation style. Through your analysis of the book's concepts and insights, you can provide your audience with a comprehensive understanding of the journey towards breaking free from generational wounds and embracing healthier patterns of behavior. By discussing the book's themes in a detailed manner, you can empower your readers to embark on their own paths of healing and self-discovery.
December 15, 2023
I am truly so glad that this book exists. Courtney does an amazing job of explaining how accepting God’s love & forgiveness changes our lives, including allowing Him to help us love others as God loves them. This includes identifying and maintaining boundaries that are helpful for us and for those we love. Sometimes we were taught a wrong definition of love, and this book helps unpack what the Bible says a loving relationship looks like. I cannot wait to recommend this book to friends & family, and I know it will have lasting impact on those who chose to read it with an open heart.
December 18, 2024
This book was great! It covered boundaries, forgiveness, assertive communication, codependency, safe people, and more, through a Jesus follower lens. A lot of the info was not new to me as she quoted some of my faves - Lysa Terkeurst, Henry Cloud/ John Townsend, Craig Groeschel. I love the way she shared difference between healthy & unhealthy communication and defined 3 types of unhealthy communication (passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive). Really practical info and responses to conflict… I will use these!!
January 2, 2024
I greatly appreciate the theme of the book and the advice given. I was, however, unaware of the religious component before I started reading. While I’m familiar with the teachings and verses she ties in; in my opinion, they were unnecessary to get the point across. Great for believers in Christ; taken with a grain of salt for anyone else.
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January 6, 2025great book for helping you recognize unhealthy communication patterns in the various relationships in your life and how to properly set in place and maintain boundaries.
February 20, 2024
This book fell into my lap when I needed it most…
I have been a restless people pleaser for most of my life but there have been instances recently where my lack of boundaries (and a backbone for that matter) have completely shattered my heart.
I heard Courtney on The Mary Marantz Show (podcast) back around the holidays and knew I HAD to get my hands on this book and make a change for my own well being. I was putting so much energy into loving others well, that I was only leaving a fraction of my energy for those who loved ME well (including God).
Loyal To A Fault has opened my eyes to how damaging my people-pleasing tendencies are and caused me to take serious inventory of the people in my life. I am so grateful to have read this book - it truly healed a part of me I didn’t even realize was broken.❤️🩹
I have been a restless people pleaser for most of my life but there have been instances recently where my lack of boundaries (and a backbone for that matter) have completely shattered my heart.
I heard Courtney on The Mary Marantz Show (podcast) back around the holidays and knew I HAD to get my hands on this book and make a change for my own well being. I was putting so much energy into loving others well, that I was only leaving a fraction of my energy for those who loved ME well (including God).
Loyal To A Fault has opened my eyes to how damaging my people-pleasing tendencies are and caused me to take serious inventory of the people in my life. I am so grateful to have read this book - it truly healed a part of me I didn’t even realize was broken.❤️🩹
October 1, 2024
"Loyal to a Fault" by Courtney Burg explores the complexities of unhealthy relationships and generational trauma. It focuses on how loyalty and love can sometimes lead to enabling negative patterns. The book offers guidance on setting boundaries, understanding personal roles in these dynamics, and creating healthier relationships.
"True loyalty is not about sacrificing yourself for others, but about finding a balance that allows you to love freely without losing who you are."
"Breaking free from generational patterns starts with understanding how they shaped us."
"Love doesn’t mean staying in a place of pain; sometimes it means having the courage to change."
"True loyalty is not about sacrificing yourself for others, but about finding a balance that allows you to love freely without losing who you are."
"Breaking free from generational patterns starts with understanding how they shaped us."
"Love doesn’t mean staying in a place of pain; sometimes it means having the courage to change."
May 22, 2024
This is a book I wish I'd read a decade ago.
I found this book super helpful after doing lots of reading and work related to co-dependency and I'm grateful it has been added to resources at the intersection of faith and psychology. There were pieces scattered throughout the book that made me cringe with how scripture was used to support guidance on healthy boundaries so don't use it as a theology manual. But even with some Joyce Myers quotes and out of context Bible verses, I think Burg presents lots of helpful information couched in a Christian worldview. I like this better than Henry Cloud excerpts I've read on boundaries. Much of the language mirrors twelve-step programs, of which I am a fan, and overall the guidance aligns with secular co-dependency resources in helpful ways.
Chapter 1:
-Coping begins through distractions - an unsafe child's best friend - any distraction becomes a constant - it's predictable - it's a manufactured safety - it's something she can trust because it's something she can control
-I saw his problem as an opportunity to heal my own loneliness. The problem is that you can never fix a problem with a problem.
Chapter 2:
-Common Enemy Intimacy - this was convicting to me and it was a good reminder that it is a counterfeit connection
Chapter 7:
-Becoming more like God starts by knowing you aren't Him. You have limits. He doesn't. Obeying God's limits leads to limits in self-control and limits in relationship.
Chapter 10:
-"What we repeat in times of ease, we will recall in times of hardship" - Jen Wilkin
Chapter 11:
-Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer - Karpman Drama Triangle
Chapter 12:
-"Unsafe people are instantly intimate and increasingly controlling" - Beth Moore
I found this book super helpful after doing lots of reading and work related to co-dependency and I'm grateful it has been added to resources at the intersection of faith and psychology. There were pieces scattered throughout the book that made me cringe with how scripture was used to support guidance on healthy boundaries so don't use it as a theology manual. But even with some Joyce Myers quotes and out of context Bible verses, I think Burg presents lots of helpful information couched in a Christian worldview. I like this better than Henry Cloud excerpts I've read on boundaries. Much of the language mirrors twelve-step programs, of which I am a fan, and overall the guidance aligns with secular co-dependency resources in helpful ways.
Chapter 1:
-Coping begins through distractions - an unsafe child's best friend - any distraction becomes a constant - it's predictable - it's a manufactured safety - it's something she can trust because it's something she can control
-I saw his problem as an opportunity to heal my own loneliness. The problem is that you can never fix a problem with a problem.
Chapter 2:
-Common Enemy Intimacy - this was convicting to me and it was a good reminder that it is a counterfeit connection
Chapter 7:
-Becoming more like God starts by knowing you aren't Him. You have limits. He doesn't. Obeying God's limits leads to limits in self-control and limits in relationship.
Chapter 10:
-"What we repeat in times of ease, we will recall in times of hardship" - Jen Wilkin
Chapter 11:
-Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer - Karpman Drama Triangle
Chapter 12:
-"Unsafe people are instantly intimate and increasingly controlling" - Beth Moore
January 23, 2024
Courtney J. Burg has written a book that will not just be read, but broken in, highlighted, and worn with repeated use. This is one of those books that will get passed around, because we love our friends and want them to be the best version of themselves, and the content within will help them identify their patterns with real life 'this is what it looks like' advice as well as practical steps of moving forward without any guilt or shame of how you ended up in these patterns. I was halfway through this and already recommending it out to people I know would benefit from it. At the end of each chapter are more questions to help one really look at oneself to see, explore, help identify where one is in the process. One for the bookshelf!!
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
July 29, 2024
I really loved how this detailed out different mechanisms into healing and personal growth. I've read a few books on this topic lately and I have to say that I loved the inclusion of God and faith in this. I really loved the discussion of boundaries and breaking free of generational wounds. I read somewhere else that if you can share your scars then that means they are no longer a wound. I think this book is a step in the right direction of taking healthier steps to breaking bad patterns and embracing ways to go forward with understanding and insights that inspire us to do things differently and healthier.
January 15, 2024
To be honest, I read this book because my friend wrote it. Within the first few pages, I knew God was speaking to me through Courtney. As a fellow mom, a sister in Christ and a people-pleasing peace keeper. I read the entire book in one day, her words healing me through the Holy Spirit, guiding me on how to move on through issues I didn’t even realize (or want to admit) I had. I will be forever grateful she listened to Jesus and followed His calling on her life. Courtney, thank you for showing your vulnerability in order to serve others. Every woman should make this book a priority!
January 23, 2024
I really liked this book. It was packed FULL of information. She's a psychologist so comes at the healing from a psychological perspective but also biblical. I am going to read this one again as it was chock full of information.
January 7, 2024
Insightful, sometimes painfully so. Helpful and positive.
May 18, 2024
One of the most approachable and practical books on boundaries I have read in long time.
June 17, 2024
Great read
October 29, 2024
Good stuff.
June 21, 2025
Not sure I got actionable steps to change. Lots of personal stories from author. There was some good insights new frameworks to look at relationships and their purpose
July 17, 2025
The intro is about god. The first chapter is about god. I skipped through a couple more chapters… god. My childhood consisted of religious trauma. I don’t need more. DNF
February 14, 2024
I highly recommend this book! Loyal to a Fault showed me a lot about my family, how I communicate, how to fix unhealthy patterns, and how to live as a person deeply loved by God. It also reminded me to only carry the responsibility of things that are mine; I am not able to carry everyone's burdens. This is an excellent book about healthy relationships.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews