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As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve
Read by the author.
"A heartfelt invitation for grieving readers...An excellent resource for those working their way through loss." —Publishers Weekly, Starred Review
Veteran hospital chaplain to the sick, dying, and bereaved, J.S. Park offers you both the permission and the process for how to grieve and heal at your own pace.
In As Long As You Need, J.S. offers an honest and unrushed engagement with grief, decoding four types of grieving—spiritual, mental, physical, and relational—and offering compassionate self-care and soul-care along the way.
If you are struggling to process loss, pain, or grief from the last few years or the last few minutes, J.S. is an experienced and deeply empathetic listener and grief catcher who has held the pain and questions of thousands of patients. While social and cultural narratives about grief are dominated by "letting go, moving on, or turning the page" in his nearly decade of service as a chaplain at a major hospital with a designated level one trauma center J.S. understands firsthand how rushing or suppressing grief only adds a suffocating layer of pain on top of the original wound.
From his unique window into the stories of the ill, injured, dying, and their families, J.S. offers
Permission to dismantle all too common myths about grief and replace them with a guilt-free and unrushed approach to navigating your losses.Encouragement for how entering grief, rather than avoiding it, leads to a hard but meaningful holding of your loss.Empathy and hope if you are struggling with a crisis of faith in the midst of grief.Recognition that grief spans a wide narrative of loss of future, faith, mental health, worth, autonomy, connection, and loved ones.Affirmation that your grief is your own. While the DNA of grief might be universal to the human condition, how you experience and process grief is unique to you.
From the ER to deliveries to deathbeds across every sort of illness and injury imaginable, J.S. Park has provided meaningful counseling for people in all walks of life and death. Now, through his book he wants to assure you that, while everybody else might rush past your pain, grief is the voice that says, take as long as you need.
"A heartfelt invitation for grieving readers...An excellent resource for those working their way through loss." —Publishers Weekly, Starred Review
Veteran hospital chaplain to the sick, dying, and bereaved, J.S. Park offers you both the permission and the process for how to grieve and heal at your own pace.
In As Long As You Need, J.S. offers an honest and unrushed engagement with grief, decoding four types of grieving—spiritual, mental, physical, and relational—and offering compassionate self-care and soul-care along the way.
If you are struggling to process loss, pain, or grief from the last few years or the last few minutes, J.S. is an experienced and deeply empathetic listener and grief catcher who has held the pain and questions of thousands of patients. While social and cultural narratives about grief are dominated by "letting go, moving on, or turning the page" in his nearly decade of service as a chaplain at a major hospital with a designated level one trauma center J.S. understands firsthand how rushing or suppressing grief only adds a suffocating layer of pain on top of the original wound.
From his unique window into the stories of the ill, injured, dying, and their families, J.S. offers
Permission to dismantle all too common myths about grief and replace them with a guilt-free and unrushed approach to navigating your losses.Encouragement for how entering grief, rather than avoiding it, leads to a hard but meaningful holding of your loss.Empathy and hope if you are struggling with a crisis of faith in the midst of grief.Recognition that grief spans a wide narrative of loss of future, faith, mental health, worth, autonomy, connection, and loved ones.Affirmation that your grief is your own. While the DNA of grief might be universal to the human condition, how you experience and process grief is unique to you.
From the ER to deliveries to deathbeds across every sort of illness and injury imaginable, J.S. Park has provided meaningful counseling for people in all walks of life and death. Now, through his book he wants to assure you that, while everybody else might rush past your pain, grief is the voice that says, take as long as you need.
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First published April 16, 2024
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About the author
J.S. Park
11 books207 followersJ.S. Park is a hospital chaplain, former atheist/agnostic, sixth degree black belt, suicide survivor, Korean-American, and follows Christ.
J.S. currently serves at a 1000+ bed hospital, one of the top-ranked in the nation, and was also a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the homeless on the east coast.
J.S. has a B.A. in Psychology from the University of South Florida and a M.Div from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Some duties of a hospital chaplain include grief counseling, attending every death and Code Blue, help with end-of-life decision-making, notifying family members of loved ones in the ER, and advocating for patients and families in crisis.
J.S. is author of an upcoming book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and part memoir, published by W Publishing of HarperCollins Christian Publishing. He is also the author The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise, published by Northfield/Moody.
In 2012, J.S. gave away half his income to fight human trafficking.
It was a check for $10,000, which was matched to raise another 10k, for a total of $20,000 for charity. The charity was One Day's Wages.
J.S. currently serves at a 1000+ bed hospital, one of the top-ranked in the nation, and was also a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the homeless on the east coast.
J.S. has a B.A. in Psychology from the University of South Florida and a M.Div from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Some duties of a hospital chaplain include grief counseling, attending every death and Code Blue, help with end-of-life decision-making, notifying family members of loved ones in the ER, and advocating for patients and families in crisis.
J.S. is author of an upcoming book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and part memoir, published by W Publishing of HarperCollins Christian Publishing. He is also the author The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise, published by Northfield/Moody.
In 2012, J.S. gave away half his income to fight human trafficking.
It was a check for $10,000, which was matched to raise another 10k, for a total of $20,000 for charity. The charity was One Day's Wages.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews
May 3, 2024
This book arrived at my house on the day my husband died. Even though I had pre-ordered this book in February for multiple reasons, preparing for my husband's death in April was not one of them. For me, that timing said to me that God saw me, loved me, was and is with me in the grief, that I have permission to grieve however I need and for as long as I need.
I had pre-ordered the book for multiple reasons:
I already knew I liked Park's writing from buying his first book 'the voices we carry' and from following his instagram account for quite some time now.
I also got two preview chapters (so I actually started reading this online back in February) and some helpful checklists, etc., that I didn't know then that I would need in April.
I/we had grieved the deaths of 8 people close to us in just 5 years, mostly to various odd and rare cancers. My nephew in March and husband in April died of their different cancers, adding to the total. When my recent previous book reviews mentioned reading during a time of tragedy, now you know why.
It's a must read for ALL chaplains, pastors, hospice folks...anyone who works with people who experience grief.
For those of us who grieve: it depends. I don't think Park would disagree with that. The whole premise of the book is that each of us has permission to grieve and for some, reading this book won't be what they need. One reader was grieving the death of his wife and felt only two chapters spoke to him. The rest seemed to him to be more about Park's narrative as a chaplain to the grieving and dying. I, and a mom whose child had died, on the other hand, felt comforted, affirmed, loved throughout the book.
Why might I feel that way? I'm a reader. Narratives speak to me. I do read "how to" books (this is not a "how to" book), but I more often read narratives, fiction and non-fiction. When a narrative in this book was more grievous than what my family went through, I channeled my grief into grief for that family or person. At other times, the narratives named what I was feeling such as chapter one: the loss of future dreams. I'm thankful that my helper driven husband was able to help into the future with the fight against cancer by enrolling in the Stanford Research Autopsy Center, another gift from God. So, yes, we have a future hope on the other side of eternity, but what Park so capably does is show how Pocket Theology cliches rob us of our time of grieving. And, his writing...I know some do not care about beautiful writing at a grieving time, but I soaked it in. This is a crucible of the fire writing: gold or a most precious gem.
Park's narratives also struggle through the pain of losing a small faith, a faith that only walks in Easter Sundays and doesn't admit how many more days are Easter week Fridays and Saturdays, but chaplaincy has shown him the times when the physical pain truly is too much, the trauma unexplainable.
(So, you can figure my mom is not going to read this book. Park includes the trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter so that you can make an informed decision whether to read the chapter or not.)
Park also works through not giving up on his faith. He can not go back to being an atheist, but how does he move forward. It's that second command: Love others. The love of others. Others being present to the dying and the grieving. Being present without making the time worse. And, Park reveals the times when he messed up big time.
The book is also about grieving other losses, and some readers might not appreciate his chapters on loss of mental health, loss of worth, loss of autonomy, loss of humanity, loss of connection.
As for me, I will read the book again...and probably again. I take to heart Park's final chapter: Every Wound is a Calling.
"Across the ocean or at our front door, every wound is a calling...I only know at the foot of this hospital bed, I seek the face of God in my patient. And in my patient's face, the face of God is seen. In a world of horrors, what is holy is continuing to see the sacred in another. I see you. Name your pain. Validate your wound. Call forth all you need, as long as you need, to grieve angry and to pursue repair. If you needed permission, here it is...."
And a prayer Park includes on that same last page:
"May we seek the face of God in our neighbor. May we move in our lanes given. May our bodies find healing in every way they can. May our hands be for reaching, to build gardens, not walls. We cannot do it all, but first we listen. We get rest in, and we press in."
I had pre-ordered the book for multiple reasons:
I already knew I liked Park's writing from buying his first book 'the voices we carry' and from following his instagram account for quite some time now.
I also got two preview chapters (so I actually started reading this online back in February) and some helpful checklists, etc., that I didn't know then that I would need in April.
I/we had grieved the deaths of 8 people close to us in just 5 years, mostly to various odd and rare cancers. My nephew in March and husband in April died of their different cancers, adding to the total. When my recent previous book reviews mentioned reading during a time of tragedy, now you know why.
It's a must read for ALL chaplains, pastors, hospice folks...anyone who works with people who experience grief.
For those of us who grieve: it depends. I don't think Park would disagree with that. The whole premise of the book is that each of us has permission to grieve and for some, reading this book won't be what they need. One reader was grieving the death of his wife and felt only two chapters spoke to him. The rest seemed to him to be more about Park's narrative as a chaplain to the grieving and dying. I, and a mom whose child had died, on the other hand, felt comforted, affirmed, loved throughout the book.
Why might I feel that way? I'm a reader. Narratives speak to me. I do read "how to" books (this is not a "how to" book), but I more often read narratives, fiction and non-fiction. When a narrative in this book was more grievous than what my family went through, I channeled my grief into grief for that family or person. At other times, the narratives named what I was feeling such as chapter one: the loss of future dreams. I'm thankful that my helper driven husband was able to help into the future with the fight against cancer by enrolling in the Stanford Research Autopsy Center, another gift from God. So, yes, we have a future hope on the other side of eternity, but what Park so capably does is show how Pocket Theology cliches rob us of our time of grieving. And, his writing...I know some do not care about beautiful writing at a grieving time, but I soaked it in. This is a crucible of the fire writing: gold or a most precious gem.
Park's narratives also struggle through the pain of losing a small faith, a faith that only walks in Easter Sundays and doesn't admit how many more days are Easter week Fridays and Saturdays, but chaplaincy has shown him the times when the physical pain truly is too much, the trauma unexplainable.
(So, you can figure my mom is not going to read this book. Park includes the trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter so that you can make an informed decision whether to read the chapter or not.)
Park also works through not giving up on his faith. He can not go back to being an atheist, but how does he move forward. It's that second command: Love others. The love of others. Others being present to the dying and the grieving. Being present without making the time worse. And, Park reveals the times when he messed up big time.
The book is also about grieving other losses, and some readers might not appreciate his chapters on loss of mental health, loss of worth, loss of autonomy, loss of humanity, loss of connection.
As for me, I will read the book again...and probably again. I take to heart Park's final chapter: Every Wound is a Calling.
"Across the ocean or at our front door, every wound is a calling...I only know at the foot of this hospital bed, I seek the face of God in my patient. And in my patient's face, the face of God is seen. In a world of horrors, what is holy is continuing to see the sacred in another. I see you. Name your pain. Validate your wound. Call forth all you need, as long as you need, to grieve angry and to pursue repair. If you needed permission, here it is...."
And a prayer Park includes on that same last page:
"May we seek the face of God in our neighbor. May we move in our lanes given. May our bodies find healing in every way they can. May our hands be for reaching, to build gardens, not walls. We cannot do it all, but first we listen. We get rest in, and we press in."
March 15, 2024
This is a book I won’t get over for a long time. In a world where too many people want to simplify, gloss over, dismiss, or impose their own timelines onto the grief of others out of their own discomfort or inability to reckon with it, this book looks grief straight in the eyes and welcomes it.
Park presents this complex topic in a way that does not judge, shame, or bypass. He offers a hard look at wide-ranging types of grief, many of which I didn’t realize I had grieved myself until I saw them named.
Trigger and content warnings abound, and may be difficult for some to read. And, I think that makes this book all the more valuable. Park doesn’t shy away from sharing the very real stories of his work with patients and their loved ones (or lack thereof) as a chaplain at a Level 1 Trauma Center, and honors their memory by telling their stories.
His gift is in creating sacred space not only for his patients, but for us, the readers. We, too, become his patients as he holds our hands and guides us through the many ways grief shows up in our lives. Permission to grieve is offered in a sacred, liminal, and redemptive way, remembering stories as a way to honor what was lost.
Loss and grief will always be a part of life. And now, this gentle and gracious guide from J.S. Park, our therapriest, will be with us too. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t have the time or space to grieve, here’s your permission. Take as long as you need.
Park presents this complex topic in a way that does not judge, shame, or bypass. He offers a hard look at wide-ranging types of grief, many of which I didn’t realize I had grieved myself until I saw them named.
Trigger and content warnings abound, and may be difficult for some to read. And, I think that makes this book all the more valuable. Park doesn’t shy away from sharing the very real stories of his work with patients and their loved ones (or lack thereof) as a chaplain at a Level 1 Trauma Center, and honors their memory by telling their stories.
His gift is in creating sacred space not only for his patients, but for us, the readers. We, too, become his patients as he holds our hands and guides us through the many ways grief shows up in our lives. Permission to grieve is offered in a sacred, liminal, and redemptive way, remembering stories as a way to honor what was lost.
Loss and grief will always be a part of life. And now, this gentle and gracious guide from J.S. Park, our therapriest, will be with us too. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t have the time or space to grieve, here’s your permission. Take as long as you need.
June 3, 2024
I may be in the minority - as a fan of Park’s IG posts and poems, I was looking forward to reading this book. I found it lacking in organization and a mixture of trauma dumping, personal journal entries about depression and suicidality, and helpful therapeutic instructions. There are good nuggets and beautifully written portions, but overall it reads clunky and I wouldn’t consider it a book for clients or folks in active grief
April 4, 2024
This book is part memoir of a hospital chaplain, part reflections on grief...but it is also more than that. It touches on burnout, racism, and much more.
If you're familiar with Kubler-Ross's stages of grief but have questioned how a simple understanding of them has become our default framework for everything, this book is for you as Chaplain Park presents his alternative perspectives where "acceptance" is not the end goal.
Thank you to Net Galley for the advance copy. Views my own.
If you're familiar with Kubler-Ross's stages of grief but have questioned how a simple understanding of them has become our default framework for everything, this book is for you as Chaplain Park presents his alternative perspectives where "acceptance" is not the end goal.
Thank you to Net Galley for the advance copy. Views my own.
Read
May 11, 2024This book reads more like a memoir of the lessons that the author (a hospital chaplain) has learned over the years than it does a "how to grieve" self help book. He doesn't tell the reader the right way to grieve but gives the reader permission to grieve in whatever way they need.
The chapters walk through the wide ranges of grief- not just the death of a loved one but also loss over things that won't happen in the future, the loss of others and community leading to loneliness, the loss of mental health, lost of autonomy, loss of worth, and more). Each chapter includes a trigger warning at the beginning and stories of patients that he walked with their grief with them through (the stories are heavy and cover a variety of hard topics- abuse, processing the suicide of a loved one, the loss of a child, police brutality, covid patients dying alone without family, etc). In the process of sharing their story he shares the emotions he feels as he sat with them-most of the time he is describing how he began sweating or began to weep- which gives this book just so much empathy as a reader.
He shares the conflicting emotions of grief that arrive- "if I would have just ___, now that I have outlived everyone who will remember me, who will be there with me in my final breath, I hate you for what you did but Im here now with you, I feel shame for what I've brought on my family so I don't want any of them here with me, I cant miss another day of work because they keep doing this time and time again.") where the reader can see themself in the feelings and the story. He also talks through heavy topics such as racism, trauma, loneliness, burn out, depression, and more with the accompanying range of emotions towards each.
Throughout the book he shares his own story childhood abuse, depression, the loss of loved ones, suicidal thoughts and how he made it through with the help of counselors, community around him, and medication.
I know that the job of a hospital chaplain is tough, but he opened my eyes to how much they offer to patients other than a quick prayer- telling a family that the patient did not die along because he was there, a listening ear, someone who sees the person in front of them for who they are in the present and not their past, someone to remind them that life is worth living, and so many more sacred spaces that they get to enter into.
TLDR: book with heavy topics and real stories but spoken by the author with such compassion and empathy that the reader feels invited into the process.
The chapters walk through the wide ranges of grief- not just the death of a loved one but also loss over things that won't happen in the future, the loss of others and community leading to loneliness, the loss of mental health, lost of autonomy, loss of worth, and more). Each chapter includes a trigger warning at the beginning and stories of patients that he walked with their grief with them through (the stories are heavy and cover a variety of hard topics- abuse, processing the suicide of a loved one, the loss of a child, police brutality, covid patients dying alone without family, etc). In the process of sharing their story he shares the emotions he feels as he sat with them-most of the time he is describing how he began sweating or began to weep- which gives this book just so much empathy as a reader.
He shares the conflicting emotions of grief that arrive- "if I would have just ___, now that I have outlived everyone who will remember me, who will be there with me in my final breath, I hate you for what you did but Im here now with you, I feel shame for what I've brought on my family so I don't want any of them here with me, I cant miss another day of work because they keep doing this time and time again.") where the reader can see themself in the feelings and the story. He also talks through heavy topics such as racism, trauma, loneliness, burn out, depression, and more with the accompanying range of emotions towards each.
Throughout the book he shares his own story childhood abuse, depression, the loss of loved ones, suicidal thoughts and how he made it through with the help of counselors, community around him, and medication.
I know that the job of a hospital chaplain is tough, but he opened my eyes to how much they offer to patients other than a quick prayer- telling a family that the patient did not die along because he was there, a listening ear, someone who sees the person in front of them for who they are in the present and not their past, someone to remind them that life is worth living, and so many more sacred spaces that they get to enter into.
TLDR: book with heavy topics and real stories but spoken by the author with such compassion and empathy that the reader feels invited into the process.
July 27, 2024
WOW. what a book! listened on libro.fm. narrated by the author. add this to your list and follow him on IG.
April 25, 2024
This is one of the most profound books I've read on any topic. That said, the fact that it's centered on grief makes it all the more essential. I haven't seen anyone comment on grief the way J. S. Park does...and I sure am grateful for his words and perspectives. This book is a treasure. And I'll be carrying around the nuggets of wisdom shared for the rest of my life.
April 26, 2025
Wept throughout this book. I’m so moved by this author’s portrayals of his experience as a chaplain, being with people in their grief, by saying and portraying in posture and emotion “I’m here” and “take as long as you need”. I really think this book changed me and has begun to expand my heart to be with my own grief and with other people in their grief, however that looks like for them.
Highly highly recommend for those who are learning more about grief for themselves or loved ones. & also ‼️DISCLAIMER‼️ that this book will likely wreck you so take all the time you need to read if you decide to!
Highly highly recommend for those who are learning more about grief for themselves or loved ones. & also ‼️DISCLAIMER‼️ that this book will likely wreck you so take all the time you need to read if you decide to!
April 17, 2024
J.S. Park provides wise and compassionate guidance into the grief experience. His nuanced insight on the impact of loss is refreshing and comforting. Highly recommend!
March 22, 2025
I read this in the first six months of my grieving process. If you are considering this book shortly after losing someone, read the last two chapters first. You get to read about the freedom of finding the best process for you. The beginning of the book offers examples of different grieving patterns and approaches and how one can come alongside a griever. So, if you're grieving, this feels a bit sluggish and can also be triggering.
Overall, if you follow JS Park on social media, many of the items discussed are comfortingly familiar. You get to read about topics in depth and get a better sense of grief and how it encompasses your life.
I feel that the book presented clinical and faith approaches that are easy for the general public. Overall, I recommend this book to anyone looking to expand their knowledge about the grief process and how to come alongside those that are walking that path.
Overall, if you follow JS Park on social media, many of the items discussed are comfortingly familiar. You get to read about topics in depth and get a better sense of grief and how it encompasses your life.
I feel that the book presented clinical and faith approaches that are easy for the general public. Overall, I recommend this book to anyone looking to expand their knowledge about the grief process and how to come alongside those that are walking that path.
April 23, 2024
My first ⭐⭐⭐⭐ read of the year has absolutely wrecked me. I reached out to let J.S. know that if it doesn't win an award or seventeen of them, I'll be completely shocked.
I shared this in my Substack (before completing As Long As You Need) last week while reading my early copy, "I am three chapters in and expect to complete it by the day’s end. J.S. has done all of us who companion folks as caregivers and therapists and birth workers and social workers and midwives (etc, etc.) some significant good. Every story offered just what we need to drop nose-to-nose with ourselves, our beloveds, our clients and/or patients for one more day 🪷
Thus far, J.S. has shared authentically about perinatal mood and anxiety disharmonies (how they reach beyond maternal bodies and how traumas reappear here), not knowing what to say/do & yet showing up as whole as humanly possible in circumstances that need us to be as whole as humanly possible and, he has normalized direct conversation around grieving (the theme of this entire book), loss, transition, death, suicidal ideations, chronic illness (chapter five) and change amongst other things."
As an avid reader, hoarder of healing books and human who wants to see us ALL thrive, I can tell you that this As Long As You Need feels like a portal into an alternate Universe where diverse voices and experiences are cared about. That We Who Know Pain have someone in our corner.
It is my deepest hope and prayer this book reaches the thousands+ of hands and hearts who need to know that truly they aren't alone & will never be.
I shared this in my Substack (before completing As Long As You Need) last week while reading my early copy, "I am three chapters in and expect to complete it by the day’s end. J.S. has done all of us who companion folks as caregivers and therapists and birth workers and social workers and midwives (etc, etc.) some significant good. Every story offered just what we need to drop nose-to-nose with ourselves, our beloveds, our clients and/or patients for one more day 🪷
Thus far, J.S. has shared authentically about perinatal mood and anxiety disharmonies (how they reach beyond maternal bodies and how traumas reappear here), not knowing what to say/do & yet showing up as whole as humanly possible in circumstances that need us to be as whole as humanly possible and, he has normalized direct conversation around grieving (the theme of this entire book), loss, transition, death, suicidal ideations, chronic illness (chapter five) and change amongst other things."
As an avid reader, hoarder of healing books and human who wants to see us ALL thrive, I can tell you that this As Long As You Need feels like a portal into an alternate Universe where diverse voices and experiences are cared about. That We Who Know Pain have someone in our corner.
It is my deepest hope and prayer this book reaches the thousands+ of hands and hearts who need to know that truly they aren't alone & will never be.
May 24, 2024
Wow. Just wow. This is the most impactful book I've ever read. It feels surreal to read this as I start my hospital chaplaincy internship this week. I cried reading this book. I cried when I finished reading this book. Intense as it is beautiful. It is written by a hospital chaplain, and I found it immensely helpful as an aspiring chaplain.
There truly aren't really words for how I feel as I finish this book. Grateful, honored, enraptured by the weight and messiness of grief, of my own and of so many others.
This book has a lot of essentially case studies, which was simultaneously my favorite and the hardest part of my pastoral care classes in seminary. J.S. Park shows how pastoral care is truly an art. As beautiful as it is hard and intense at times.
Wow. Just wow.
There truly aren't really words for how I feel as I finish this book. Grateful, honored, enraptured by the weight and messiness of grief, of my own and of so many others.
This book has a lot of essentially case studies, which was simultaneously my favorite and the hardest part of my pastoral care classes in seminary. J.S. Park shows how pastoral care is truly an art. As beautiful as it is hard and intense at times.
Wow. Just wow.
May 10, 2024
This was a beautifully painful book. The author discusses his experiences with dying, loss, and grief through the stories of patients he cared for while as a chaplain. Although the world is full of unjust suffering, our humanity and connection is our refuge. I truly loved reading this book and experiencing a realm of emotions as I read each story.
June 10, 2024
10 out of 5 stars.
To read this book, is to look into another's face and see yourself.
Thank you, Joon, for all that you carry. Thank you for teaching us the paths of grief. I needed this so much. The world needs this.
To read this book, is to look into another's face and see yourself.
Thank you, Joon, for all that you carry. Thank you for teaching us the paths of grief. I needed this so much. The world needs this.
July 1, 2024
I resonate with so much of this book, as I reflect on my personal grief journey and on my relationships as a pastor with members of my church and community. Thank you, J.S. Park, for giving your patients and all readers permission to grieve for as long as they need and in their own ways.
February 21, 2025
I think this was a honest look into the truly difficult task of being a hospital chaplain. I still want to try it.
Finished this little by little. It’s a book about grief I needed 26 years ago, but also today, now.
This thought stopped me in my tracks:
“‘She asks me, "How do you grieve someone you never met?’
With each patient, I hear similar questions. It keeps emerging, this pulse. It presses in every room, leans on every shoulder, demands an answer: How do you grieve future loss? Underneath that, more questions: How do you deal with the viciousness of a broken dream? How do you move on from the picture of life in your head? How do you keep moving through a parallel-universe life?
My patients suffer from good dreams. What I mean is, it's not the nightmares that keep them up. It's the hope. Daydreams of another life. Instead of homesick, they're timesick.
Before becoming a chaplain, I thought grief was about missing the past. About reflecting on all the things before, the stuff we had until mortality crawled through the window. It's true. We grieve the past.
But mostly no one gets a chance to grieve the future. It doesn't seem to read as a real loss.
I need to tell you about this because nobody told me:
The dream that didn't happen is as much of a loss as losing the one that did.”
Finished this little by little. It’s a book about grief I needed 26 years ago, but also today, now.
This thought stopped me in my tracks:
“‘She asks me, "How do you grieve someone you never met?’
With each patient, I hear similar questions. It keeps emerging, this pulse. It presses in every room, leans on every shoulder, demands an answer: How do you grieve future loss? Underneath that, more questions: How do you deal with the viciousness of a broken dream? How do you move on from the picture of life in your head? How do you keep moving through a parallel-universe life?
My patients suffer from good dreams. What I mean is, it's not the nightmares that keep them up. It's the hope. Daydreams of another life. Instead of homesick, they're timesick.
Before becoming a chaplain, I thought grief was about missing the past. About reflecting on all the things before, the stuff we had until mortality crawled through the window. It's true. We grieve the past.
But mostly no one gets a chance to grieve the future. It doesn't seem to read as a real loss.
I need to tell you about this because nobody told me:
The dream that didn't happen is as much of a loss as losing the one that did.”
December 15, 2024
I began listening to this audiobook as a recommendation from a friend. It did not disappoint. For anyone in a helping profession, especially those directly involved with others experiencing grief, this book is a must read. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it for someone experiencing active stages of grief in their own life.
This book is refreshing in that it is raw and looks at grief directly. Park identifies the ways that grief affects us in ways that we don’t fully understand. He offers the reader permission to feel the full range of emotions that can linger in grieving.
Park weaves in elements of his own faith, recalling once being an atheist and how he moves forward amidst the grief and loss he experiences alongside his patients.
He shares real stories of trauma, loss, depression, end of life care, and other subjects from his time as a chaplain at a level 1 Trauma center, and some deeply personal experiences within his family. I appreciate that he carefully notes what will be covered at the beginning of each chapter for those who have sensitivity to certain topics.
This is one of those books that is truly unforgettable and I will be reading the hard copy at some point in the future.
This book is refreshing in that it is raw and looks at grief directly. Park identifies the ways that grief affects us in ways that we don’t fully understand. He offers the reader permission to feel the full range of emotions that can linger in grieving.
Park weaves in elements of his own faith, recalling once being an atheist and how he moves forward amidst the grief and loss he experiences alongside his patients.
He shares real stories of trauma, loss, depression, end of life care, and other subjects from his time as a chaplain at a level 1 Trauma center, and some deeply personal experiences within his family. I appreciate that he carefully notes what will be covered at the beginning of each chapter for those who have sensitivity to certain topics.
This is one of those books that is truly unforgettable and I will be reading the hard copy at some point in the future.
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July 30, 2024This took me a long time to work my way through and I had to put it down and return to it 3 or 4 times. It was the rawest book I have read on grief with the exception of A Grief Observed and kept taking me back to the hospital bedside. I had to keep coming up for air. But the rawness was bracing , and the acknowledgement of the realities of grief was validating in ways that I need. I needed this book and I'm grateful to the author for his sharing it
If this book is not for your own grief it may be for your growth in empathy, and therefore of great value even to those not currently grappling with the psychic amputation of loss.
If this book is not for your own grief it may be for your growth in empathy, and therefore of great value even to those not currently grappling with the psychic amputation of loss.
August 16, 2024
I avoided reading this for a long time because I was afraid to face my feelings directly--and I regret that. This book directly addresses many kinds of grief--not only the grief we experience after death, but the grief of losing mobility or autonomy, the grief of estrangement from people we were once close with, the grief of generational trauma and discrimination. It's quite impressive how much the author fits into 200 pages. The book is concise and impactful. I cried multiple times reading this book, but I'm glad I did.
June 6, 2024
This book is part nonfiction and part memoir, and it's tender, compassionate, and at times, heartbreaking. Using stories from his work as a hospital chaplain and from his own life, Park is a skillful writer, and shares his own journey with transparency. I learned more about grief through the reading of this book. It's brilliant and wise, and I'm a better human for reading it.
August 26, 2024
This was a difficult, raw read for me. I had to take breaks. I cried a lot. I'm glad. I needed this.
Park is a beautiful writer and individual. His compassion is tangible in these pages. I'm grateful for his willingness to be vulnerable, to share his experiences and what he has learned so we all might benefit, both as we grieve ourselves and as we seek to be there for others in their grief.
The big takeaway: It's okay to take time to grieve. As long as you need, in fact. And there's no right way to do it. You just grieve however you need to and give everyone else space to grieve however they need to. And try not to say stupid things that aren't helpful - to yourself and others. But be kind, because we all say stupid things.
Park is a beautiful writer and individual. His compassion is tangible in these pages. I'm grateful for his willingness to be vulnerable, to share his experiences and what he has learned so we all might benefit, both as we grieve ourselves and as we seek to be there for others in their grief.
The big takeaway: It's okay to take time to grieve. As long as you need, in fact. And there's no right way to do it. You just grieve however you need to and give everyone else space to grieve however they need to. And try not to say stupid things that aren't helpful - to yourself and others. But be kind, because we all say stupid things.
May 21, 2025
This book is a gift born through companionship through suffering. Park’s stories can be emotionally devastating at times but incredibly freeing as well. The goal of this book - to give permission to grieve - is well accomplished. As a hospital chaplain, Park has learned so much about creating space for people in their worst moments. It’s beautiful.
June 28, 2025
As an atheist, I wouldn’t have picked this book for myself. It’s written by a chaplain, and because of that, I would have made assumptions about what’s in the pages. And I’d have been wrong.
A friend bought this book for me, and I’m so glad she did. In it are beautiful and painful stories that give us something we don’t often get in grief: Permission for our grief to exist.
A friend bought this book for me, and I’m so glad she did. In it are beautiful and painful stories that give us something we don’t often get in grief: Permission for our grief to exist.
October 11, 2024
this is a great book! it is VERY heavy, has descriptions of end of life care, s.a., a lot of time in hospitals, but it is beautifully put together and has been a great book to read in grief. certainly not a book to fly through!
January 18, 2025
This is a must-read. The most moving book I’ve read in years, helping me face my own grief and have a new perspective on carrying on and carrying *with* lost loved ones. Beautifully written, thoughtful, raw, real. Have tissues at the ready.
April 26, 2024
One of the best books I’ve read on grief. But it’s so much more too. Beautifully written.
November 23, 2024
4.5 stars. This was a gut-punch read, but isn't death that way? The author explores many faucets of grief with soulful writing relating experiences as a hospital chaplain who is a midwife to death and shares tears with the bereft. These are hard but so very beautiful stories.
December 28, 2024
Everyone should read this book. Everyone!
December 30, 2024
My favorite book of the year. I tried to mark up the important parts but might as well have colored the whole page in.
January 12, 2026
I wept every time I listened to this book – a brutally painful and strikingly beautiful book.
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