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Police, Lies and Alibis: The True Story of a Front Line Officer
Discover what REALLY happens in the police.
Is the discovery of a headless corpse the work of a serial killer?
When do police & paramedics fall out? Who killed Yoda? What is a Death Fart?
Why do some criminals think they are 'worth it'?
Who invented the Crying Machine? How do you beat the burglar?
Why do the police have to pay particular attention to boobs?
Come on patrol with PC Donoghue and get the answers to all these questions and more.
Police, Lies & Alibis is the fascinating and hilarious account of a year in the life of a front line police response officer, and the only humorous police book written by a serving officer who is not hiding his identity. It is the follow-up book to Police, Crime & 999, a book which still remains hugely popular today, with over 400 x 5-star Amazon reviews.
WARNING: Contains Humour & Traces of Nuts.
Is the discovery of a headless corpse the work of a serial killer?
When do police & paramedics fall out? Who killed Yoda? What is a Death Fart?
Why do some criminals think they are 'worth it'?
Who invented the Crying Machine? How do you beat the burglar?
Why do the police have to pay particular attention to boobs?
Come on patrol with PC Donoghue and get the answers to all these questions and more.
Police, Lies & Alibis is the fascinating and hilarious account of a year in the life of a front line police response officer, and the only humorous police book written by a serving officer who is not hiding his identity. It is the follow-up book to Police, Crime & 999, a book which still remains hugely popular today, with over 400 x 5-star Amazon reviews.
WARNING: Contains Humour & Traces of Nuts.
- GenresNonfictionCrime
274 pages, Paperback
First published July 23, 2013
28 people are currently reading
80 people want to read
About the author
John Donoghue
7 books394 followersJohn Donoghue has served Queen, King, and Country over forty years in the Royal Navy, British Army, and Police.
He has written five books about his experiences in the constabulary, which have included:
Arresting the bride at her wedding.
Chasing a naked lubed up dog thief.
A royal arrest that never made the headlines.
A woman who complained next door's bees were "stealing her pollen".
An undercover nun... and hundreds more bizarre 999 calls and incidents.
These days, he’s swapped handcuffs for heraldry as a guide at a medieval castle.
His latest book, 'Castles, Crime & Cake: A Policeman's Accidental Guide to History' tells the story of that transition, which also involved obscure long forgotten crimes... and cake.
He also has a dog, Monty, who’s yet to break any known laws, but has taken on the role of farting jester perfectly.
Feel free to follow me on twitter @johndonoghue64
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
September 29, 2017
Time taken to read - over 3 days
Pages - 235
Publisher - Matador
Source - Review copy
Blurb from Goodreads
Discover what REALLY happens in the police.
Is the discovery of a headless corpse the work of a serial killer?
When do police & paramedics fall out?
Who killed Yoda?
What is a Death Fart?
Why do some criminals think they are ‘worth it’?
Who invented the Crying Machine?
How do you beat the burglar?
Why do the police have to pay particular attention to boobs?
Come on patrol with PC Donoghue and get the answers to all these questions and more.
Police, Lies & Alibis is the fascinating and hilarious account of a year in the life of a front line police response officer, and the only humorous police book written by a serving officer who is not hiding his identity. It is the follow-up book to Police, Crime & 999, a book which still remains hugely popular today, with over 250 5-star Amazon reviews, and which garnered positive feedback from a number of national publications
My Review
Have you ever wondered just what happens in the day of a police officer? You need wonder no more. Donoghue gives a hilarious, honest, brutal and at times very un pc account of the times and trials police officers face whilst trying to perform their duty. From ridiculous call outs, criminal daftness, violence, the harsh and at times terrifying moments officers have to face, the reader is given short honest bursts into the days of a copper.
There are some really cringe moments in the book, you think surely no human being could or would behave in such a manner but yes they can and they do, sorry no spoilers. Donoghue has a knack for capturing the events with frank and brutal honesty, writing that will have you hiding behind your hand mortified or laughing out loud at folks antics.
As with his previous book there will be some folk who are outraged, thinking it un pc and even poor taste discussing some of the tales in the book. The reality is this is what the officers have to face day in and out and if you didn't have humour I doubt our officers would be able to go back out every day. I love the antics of folks but also how the police manage to cope in the face of danger, anger, loss or just inappropriate behaviours by some members of the public. Books written by folk working within the public sector are brilliant if you like that kind of raw undiluted honesty, I bloody love it. Donoghue writes as if he is in the room gabbing to you, giving you a vivid picture of what he has experienced! 4/5 for me this time, I have read this author before and will read him again. Thanks so much to the author for providing me with a review copy!
Pages - 235
Publisher - Matador
Source - Review copy
Blurb from Goodreads
Discover what REALLY happens in the police.
Is the discovery of a headless corpse the work of a serial killer?
When do police & paramedics fall out?
Who killed Yoda?
What is a Death Fart?
Why do some criminals think they are ‘worth it’?
Who invented the Crying Machine?
How do you beat the burglar?
Why do the police have to pay particular attention to boobs?
Come on patrol with PC Donoghue and get the answers to all these questions and more.
Police, Lies & Alibis is the fascinating and hilarious account of a year in the life of a front line police response officer, and the only humorous police book written by a serving officer who is not hiding his identity. It is the follow-up book to Police, Crime & 999, a book which still remains hugely popular today, with over 250 5-star Amazon reviews, and which garnered positive feedback from a number of national publications
My Review
Have you ever wondered just what happens in the day of a police officer? You need wonder no more. Donoghue gives a hilarious, honest, brutal and at times very un pc account of the times and trials police officers face whilst trying to perform their duty. From ridiculous call outs, criminal daftness, violence, the harsh and at times terrifying moments officers have to face, the reader is given short honest bursts into the days of a copper.
There are some really cringe moments in the book, you think surely no human being could or would behave in such a manner but yes they can and they do, sorry no spoilers. Donoghue has a knack for capturing the events with frank and brutal honesty, writing that will have you hiding behind your hand mortified or laughing out loud at folks antics.
As with his previous book there will be some folk who are outraged, thinking it un pc and even poor taste discussing some of the tales in the book. The reality is this is what the officers have to face day in and out and if you didn't have humour I doubt our officers would be able to go back out every day. I love the antics of folks but also how the police manage to cope in the face of danger, anger, loss or just inappropriate behaviours by some members of the public. Books written by folk working within the public sector are brilliant if you like that kind of raw undiluted honesty, I bloody love it. Donoghue writes as if he is in the room gabbing to you, giving you a vivid picture of what he has experienced! 4/5 for me this time, I have read this author before and will read him again. Thanks so much to the author for providing me with a review copy!
April 15, 2015
Police, Lies and Alibis: The True Story of a Front Line Officer When you find yourself recommending a book to the postman, it’s a pretty good bet you’ve enjoyed it. Actually, I’m considering it my public duty to recommend the last two books I’ve read, Police, Crime & 999 and Police, Lies & Alibis – The True Story of a Front Line Officer, to everyone I see. If PC Donoghue can spread a little happiness, then so can I. He’s gone and done it again. I’m a bit late finding this gem of an author. I possibly should have listened to the agent who recommended him. Sharply witty and observant of that unpredictable beast, human nature (or possibly totally predictable beast), the man is pure genius, delivering comedic anecdotes that have your chuckle muscles working in overdrive. Apart from the fact that I’ve melted my Lycra (leggings, I hasten to add) whilst reading in the sun, I’ve found myself literally snorting with laughter and clamping my hand over my mouth for fear of the neighbours officially labelling me bonkers. I’ve also clamped my hand over my mouth in dread reading a certain chapter (no spoilers) which, though a stark reminder about people’s propensity to ignore the danger of cars in hot weather, actually ends hilariously. All I will say, is I could empathise with the policeman’s lot. Jack Russells do refuse to let go. As with the first book I read, there are poignant moments, followed by deadpan one liners which just crease you up. There are also subtle reminders that life is too short ‘to waste time weeping’ and a sprinkling of facts that serve to educate the ignorant (me). Seriously, I think John Donoghue’s books should be prescribed on the NHS. If you are feeling down you cannot fail to be buoyed up. But please heed the health warning: these books are sidesplittingly hysterical. Absolutely recommended – as you might have gathered.
July 29, 2016
**Thank you to the author for a complimentary copy of this title in exchange for an honest review**
This book wasn't quite as humourous as the first, which came as a little bit of a surprise to me but it was still a welcome surprise. The stories and anecdotes in the first book were clearly collected by the author for their comedy value but it's a pretty obvious truth that police work isn't all fun and games, this book is a collection of some of the more serious aspects of the job.
Don't be discouraged though if you're a fan of the funny - this book is still packed with some truly awful (in a good way) dad jokes and includes an incident involving the brutal assault of giant Yoda and Darth Maul garden ornaments.
What it does highlight though is the reality of what a 'customer complaint' against an officer can do to their career, and let's face it - most people aren't too happy about being arrested, especially if they're guilty. This is the kind of thing that more decent people should know about, to appreciate the shit that the poor fuzz deal with on a daily basis and how one scumbag calling foul can end an officer's career.
Donoghue's writing style has developed nicely since his debut novel and has thrown in some more serious content about what being a police officer is like in a quiet area, his tone is very easy going and feels like you're listening in on a chat between friends. His caricatures of his colleagues (either that or he works with sitcom characters, either or) are hilarious though I can't imagine they're completely flattered by his representation of them!
I'd recommend this book for people who want to get a glimpse of what policing is like in the UK, though I would point out the following things:
This is a rural area rather than a big city
Take it with a pinch of salt, there's a healthy amount of exaggeration and elaboration in this book!
This book wasn't quite as humourous as the first, which came as a little bit of a surprise to me but it was still a welcome surprise. The stories and anecdotes in the first book were clearly collected by the author for their comedy value but it's a pretty obvious truth that police work isn't all fun and games, this book is a collection of some of the more serious aspects of the job.
Don't be discouraged though if you're a fan of the funny - this book is still packed with some truly awful (in a good way) dad jokes and includes an incident involving the brutal assault of giant Yoda and Darth Maul garden ornaments.
What it does highlight though is the reality of what a 'customer complaint' against an officer can do to their career, and let's face it - most people aren't too happy about being arrested, especially if they're guilty. This is the kind of thing that more decent people should know about, to appreciate the shit that the poor fuzz deal with on a daily basis and how one scumbag calling foul can end an officer's career.
Donoghue's writing style has developed nicely since his debut novel and has thrown in some more serious content about what being a police officer is like in a quiet area, his tone is very easy going and feels like you're listening in on a chat between friends. His caricatures of his colleagues (either that or he works with sitcom characters, either or) are hilarious though I can't imagine they're completely flattered by his representation of them!
I'd recommend this book for people who want to get a glimpse of what policing is like in the UK, though I would point out the following things:
This is a rural area rather than a big city
Take it with a pinch of salt, there's a healthy amount of exaggeration and elaboration in this book!
October 8, 2013
As an advocate of John's previous book, I am pleased to say John has not let his readers down with his third book. Once again, John Donoghue has taken us behind the scenes of Policing, resulting in more of those LAUGH OUT LOUD moments of his previous book, Police,Crime & 999. From the beginning of the book right to the end, you are entertained, as the sometimes hapless PC Donoghue gets to grips with the daily chores of Policing, ranging from shop thefts, stealing of dustbins, as well as coming across some bizarre laws and then throw in a possible murder! Allowing you to see a side of policing that is rarely reported, as well as some of the characters Officers sometimes have to deal with.( yes these people do exist)
In this book, John also introduces the reader into the darker and at times dangerous side of Policing, at the same time demonstrating how humour can be found even in the most frightening of times. Also, how one good deed can go so awry, that an Officers' job is on the line. John demonstrates that Police Officers in the line of duty can be unsung heroes on day to day basics, while also being subjected to verbal/physical abuse because they wear a uniform and are doing a job, which many of us haven't got the patience to do.
I could list all the anecdotal tales that cause me to SNIGGER/CHUCKLE/HOWL with laughter within this book, but that would only spoil the surprise, but I will say that tale of the "Death Fart" is one of my favourites.
Anyone who has a sense of humour, likes an easy entertaining read, this is the one for you. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!!!!
In this book, John also introduces the reader into the darker and at times dangerous side of Policing, at the same time demonstrating how humour can be found even in the most frightening of times. Also, how one good deed can go so awry, that an Officers' job is on the line. John demonstrates that Police Officers in the line of duty can be unsung heroes on day to day basics, while also being subjected to verbal/physical abuse because they wear a uniform and are doing a job, which many of us haven't got the patience to do.
I could list all the anecdotal tales that cause me to SNIGGER/CHUCKLE/HOWL with laughter within this book, but that would only spoil the surprise, but I will say that tale of the "Death Fart" is one of my favourites.
Anyone who has a sense of humour, likes an easy entertaining read, this is the one for you. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!!!!
December 8, 2014
I already loved “Police, Crime and 999″ but “Police, Lies and Alibis” is even better.
A little less about the clichés and a lot more insights. I really like how John Donoghue found his very own writing style. It is recognisable and it felt like paying an old friend a visit after you haven’t been in touch for a while.
Again he finds a way to present grim facts and statistics that make a good amount of his everyday work and stories told with an unbeatable humour that keeps the balance between the tragic behind the numbers and the stories we all know so well from the news and the – admittedly – hilarious madness of the other side of the coin.
I laughed a lot and I had a couple of moments in which I had to put the book aside to process what I had just been reading there. Don’t worry, no gory details of any kind, but some passages that made me feel a bit uneasy with the way the world sometimes works.
Under the bottom line a great book, a very great read by a charming and polite author who still sends me a direct message every now and then to ask how I liked his book.
I hope this answers your question. ;)
A little less about the clichés and a lot more insights. I really like how John Donoghue found his very own writing style. It is recognisable and it felt like paying an old friend a visit after you haven’t been in touch for a while.
Again he finds a way to present grim facts and statistics that make a good amount of his everyday work and stories told with an unbeatable humour that keeps the balance between the tragic behind the numbers and the stories we all know so well from the news and the – admittedly – hilarious madness of the other side of the coin.
I laughed a lot and I had a couple of moments in which I had to put the book aside to process what I had just been reading there. Don’t worry, no gory details of any kind, but some passages that made me feel a bit uneasy with the way the world sometimes works.
Under the bottom line a great book, a very great read by a charming and polite author who still sends me a direct message every now and then to ask how I liked his book.
I hope this answers your question. ;)
November 2, 2016
'Carry on Police Lies'
Well this is what it should have been called. This is certainly not what I was expecting or hoping. I thought this may have some serious subjects brought up to think about with modern policing but what we actually get is Wale's own version of Sid James going around with smutty double-entendres trying to make women blush. Charming. Oh did I groan each time a smut line was introduced.
We follow Sid in his small English town of 60,000 dealing with burglars, chavs (his phrase), arsonists, wife beaters, flashers and baby dolls (oh what an hilarious sketch this was!!).
I finished the book which was criminal in itself.
Well this is what it should have been called. This is certainly not what I was expecting or hoping. I thought this may have some serious subjects brought up to think about with modern policing but what we actually get is Wale's own version of Sid James going around with smutty double-entendres trying to make women blush. Charming. Oh did I groan each time a smut line was introduced.
We follow Sid in his small English town of 60,000 dealing with burglars, chavs (his phrase), arsonists, wife beaters, flashers and baby dolls (oh what an hilarious sketch this was!!).
I finished the book which was criminal in itself.
November 25, 2013
Almost as hilarious as Police, Crime & 999 (but perhaps a little more serious)and a great insight into some of the highly unpleasant and thankless tasks dealt with by our front line police officers, I'd recommend Police, Lies & Alibis to anybody with a sense of humour. Actually I was cringing and laughing in equal measure as John deals (in the main) with the great unwashed. Quite how I'm going to erase some of the less savory images left in my brain I'm not so sure.
April 25, 2015
Another Great book by John Donoghue! I have read all three of his books and had giggling fits and got taken back to my childhood too. If you aint read these books yet you are missing out on not only a good reading experience but the good laughs that come with it. Go buy yours NOW! you will not regret it, then agen if you have a weak bladder you may LOL! :-)
June 26, 2014
Just like his previous book (Police, Crime and 999) the author tells some funny tales of life as a police officer.
There are lots of scrapes he gets into and some very embarrassing moments.
Really recommend reading John's books.
There are lots of scrapes he gets into and some very embarrassing moments.
Really recommend reading John's books.
December 21, 2013
so funny! another really good book by john donoghue. this will have you laughing and rolling your eyes as well as shaking your head.
Read
January 7, 2016Another superb book from John Donoghue. The true adventures of a police officer are fascinating, and written down in such a superb way. Laughs guaranteed, with serious information also there.
July 18, 2022
This book covers "highlights" from Response Officer P.C. Donoghue's second year on the job. Its as humorous, sarcastic and dry as his first book and I loved reading every minute of it! I'm sure the idea of sending out "winning" scratch cards to all the wanted criminals ought to be adopted by more forces! I'll certainly reconsider next time, or should I say IF I ever win on one!! Chapter 8 includes one of John's signature play with words which unlike the rest of his crew I did find amusing: Call to Comms to say that Cops had confirmed a Corpse in the Copse! A tongue twister if I ever heard one! Chapter 9 kept me gripped, wow I seriously went through every possible emotion whilst reading it, I don't want to spoil anything here for anyone who hasn't read this yet but needless to say I went on the roller coaster of emotions and weirdly ending up humming the Benny Hill tune just as I turned the page over and read that blokes on the street were humming the same melody! Trust me I've never been to Sandford, or been a bloke as it happens. Chapter 12 includes a very funny story about the fairground at the fete, or in John's words "The Magic Roundabout"! This book will have you smiling and chuckling to yourself as it combines, real incidents with Donoghue's wit. Being an emotional person myself I loved a quote from Chapter 13 which I will finish with: it's not wrong to cry, but it's a waste to weep while your life passes you by. And on that note I'll start his next book...
August 15, 2025
Another great read. In this book, John Donoghue shocked me with many in-depth stories of what it’s like to be a police officer in the UK. I honestly know that I could never have handled many of the situations he survived, and I’m sure I would say things I’d wish I could take back. However, for the most part, John does a phenomenal job of keeping himself and others safe. I thoroughly enjoyed this book as much as I did the others. I laughed a lot and cried a little; I look forward to his next book.
September 13, 2017
Another class telling of the true dealings of the British Police.
Although not as laugh out loud as the previous book in the series, this still did not fail to make me laugh on every chapter.
You'd be forgiven for thinking this officer is a calamity, but reality is this happens! I have related to a lot of what John Donoghue has told and have recommended my colleagues read this.
Honest, revealing and funny. Another must for a fan of our frontline bobbies or indeed a must for those in the job.
Although not as laugh out loud as the previous book in the series, this still did not fail to make me laugh on every chapter.
You'd be forgiven for thinking this officer is a calamity, but reality is this happens! I have related to a lot of what John Donoghue has told and have recommended my colleagues read this.
Honest, revealing and funny. Another must for a fan of our frontline bobbies or indeed a must for those in the job.
July 22, 2018
What do law enforcement personnel the world over have in common? A defiant and deviant sense of humor! Danger to self, too, but to get through it all it's the humor. As one who worked alongside the peacekeepers for a lot of years in the states, I really enjoyed the skewed humor. Even if you have never listened to a bunch of law enforcement folks sit around and share tales, I think you'll enjoy this a lot!
March 20, 2021
Very funny easy read
Very funny account of an officers daily shifts. If you have any experience of the Police you will certainly be able to relate to the stories. If you don't you certainly will find it hard to believe how stupid a lot of the calls to the Police are! Antihistamines me of a shift I was on years ago where you could have a good laugh whilst you worked. New recruit today won't believe the fun we and thoughts we were once allowed to have! A must read
Very funny account of an officers daily shifts. If you have any experience of the Police you will certainly be able to relate to the stories. If you don't you certainly will find it hard to believe how stupid a lot of the calls to the Police are! Antihistamines me of a shift I was on years ago where you could have a good laugh whilst you worked. New recruit today won't believe the fun we and thoughts we were once allowed to have! A must read
February 28, 2017
Brilliant Read into the life of well lets say challenges of the police world read about some lovely characters and that's just the colleague's of Mr Donaghue. As for the other characters they are that and most definitely interesting to say the least as to their antics and endeavors to evade police arrest or just wind them up is funny and certainly made me chuckle.
February 3, 2024
Oh it’s been a while if ever happened at all that the book made me laugh few times! That’s the lesson I’m going to take which is to use humour in your daily life and job.
For some reason though it was a bit difficult to get through the book as all the episodes were quite mundane and not much really connected to each other so hence four stars
For some reason though it was a bit difficult to get through the book as all the episodes were quite mundane and not much really connected to each other so hence four stars
October 3, 2018
A lovely read
I've been dipping in and out of this for about a month. It's so easy to read; funny, heartwarming and a nice break from those in the public service saying how unhappy they are.
I've been dipping in and out of this for about a month. It's so easy to read; funny, heartwarming and a nice break from those in the public service saying how unhappy they are.
June 28, 2020
Similar to his first police book, but I found that more entertaining. Makes for an interesting read!
Although based in Wales, it could easily have been written about any force (outside of London) in the country
Although based in Wales, it could easily have been written about any force (outside of London) in the country
April 5, 2021
Behind every crime, it seems, is the potential for an exceptionally funny story. Donoghue manages to approach his job with a sense of the absurd which is, one may believe, the only way he manages to stay sane.
January 1, 2024
An extremely funny, well written book which gives the reader an idea of the great challenges, often very dangerous to themselves, that our policemen and policewomen face on a daily basis.
Some of the cases are utterly hilarious and I am thoroughly enjoying this author's books.
Some of the cases are utterly hilarious and I am thoroughly enjoying this author's books.
March 31, 2020
Won this book a while back but just got round to reading.
What a funny book! I giggled out loud quite a few times.
Would recommend as a light read and humour read
What a funny book! I giggled out loud quite a few times.
Would recommend as a light read and humour read
May 10, 2021
Gripping read
Funny and serious stories well written in a good format. Could not put book down. Left wanting more stories 😂
Funny and serious stories well written in a good format. Could not put book down. Left wanting more stories 😂
December 6, 2022
Always a great read and a good pickup when feeling down
August 16, 2023
Love his writing, honest and cheeky is equal measure. I hope he writes many more
January 18, 2025
Loved this!! Exactly what I want from a police book love the stories! 🥰
April 12, 2025
great book
Brilliant, really enjoyed despite some cheesy jokes. Shows our police do have a sense of humour! Some typos though. Recommended
Brilliant, really enjoyed despite some cheesy jokes. Shows our police do have a sense of humour! Some typos though. Recommended
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews