Blackbird: A Mother’s Reflections on Grief, Loss, and Life After Suicide

by Betsy Thibaut Stephenson, Julia Hamra (Narrator)

Is grief on a dial or a switch? Both.

Over six short weeks in 2022, Betsy Thibaut Stephenson lost her son to suicide, mother-in-law to dementia, and family dog to cancer. Rather than succumb to grief’s darkness, Betsy chose to face her losses head-on, accepting grief as an uninvited yet permanent companion in her revised life.

Blackbird is a memoir composed in real time, a concise and brutally honest look at the emotional, physical, and spiritual impact of deep despair. By unflinchingly pulling back the curtain on fear and shame, Betsy’s story inspires important conversations about mental health, grief resilience, and creating a path toward healing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

Audible Audio

Published April 8, 2025

Reviews

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is good reading for anyone who has had to "join this club, the last club anyone wants to join," that of losing a child to suicide. The author really details well the shock, the second guessing, and the detailed ways that we count loss during the first year of grieving. Her emphasis on mental health and communicating in ways that might help parents to intervene with children caught in depression is a good focus. This really does end as a wonderful tribute to her blackbird.

[Diane Davis Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

An unflinchingly honest account of a mother’s journey through trauma and grief following her son’s suicide. Despite his tragic ending, Betsy captures the beauty of Charlie’s life and the love within their family with lightness and humor. The pacing keeps the reader engaged as they experience glimmers of hope, humor and transformative insights along this hard path. Betsy also delves into her own struggle with depression as she comes to accept the manner in which that horrible disease took over and killed Charlie. This deeply personal account is beautifully written, moving the reader beyond platitudes into the hard, practical reality of profound grief. This is a story of love and hope: the determined love of a mother and hope of family finding some way forward. Anybody who has ever grieved or known someone grieving will relate to this story and be better equipped for the hard questions which follow the loss of those we love.

[Bea Camp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story and inside reflection on grieve and losing someone to suicide. Extremely deep and powerful book written by a wonderful mom. Humor, reflection, honesty, and resilience make this book a powerful read. It it’s compelling and honest.

[Dede Stanko · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is heartbreakingly evident that Blackbird's author--Betsy Stephenson--is an incredibly loving and present mother and wife. She is also a gifted and compelling writer who has created a book of refuge for others in profound despair from suicide or other loss, especially of a child. In her deeply affecting log of day-to-day missives following her son Charlie's suicide, Betsy shares her struggle to nurture her family while enduring unimaginable grief. She reflects on her situation with wrenching honesty, charting a (non-linear) hopeful path of healing. And man can she turn a phrase. "Losing my son riddled me with holes, and the two subsequent losses drain straight through me," she writes when describing the rapid-fire accompanying deaths of her mother-in-law and beloved family dog. Further down her calendar she lends more hopeful words: "Since he's taken up residence behind all thoughts and feelings and words, I like to think that I've chosen to let him become a source of energy, not a source of depletion." Beyond her own family, Betsy’s compassion extends outward. Even as she openly acknowledges the self-torment of endless "what-ifs," she urges her readers to be gentler with themselves. And she shows intense concern for Charlie's friends and for others who might be vulnerable to similar mental health-related tragedy. Her book is not only an intimate one of loss, but also a call to protect one another, to lift the stigma from mental health struggles, and to make seeking help an ordinary and courageous choice. I feel honored to know her story.

[Jody Dojonovic · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a fellow mom who unexpectedly and tragically lost her son to suicide, this book was beautifully written. Betsy was able to put into words feelings I’ve felt over the last 6 years… and she was only one year into her journey of grief and healing. ❤️‍🩹

We aren’t suppose to bury our children. Suicide is an illness. It stems from depression and anxiety and our children can be excellent liars- they think they are protecting us. Nothing could be more untrue.

I too have lived with depression and anxiety my entire life. I learned how to get it under control in my early 20’s, my Thomas was 16… he didn’t even have chance to “work it out” Of course I blame myself at times, that’s grief. But I also blame it on lack of education and crummy stigma. Why do we learn PE in Kindergarten all the way through 12th grade but only one chapter in our health books in grade 10 we we learn about serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine or how our brains works? By this time puberty has set in and hormones are mood altering- how do we expect our kids to know that this is part of life and it can and will get better. Sometimes with help, sometimes on it’s own.

We need to do better.

[Traci Miller]

As a child and adolescent psychologist and mother of four, I strongly recommend this important work. Please read, discuss, and share. And like Betsy, please choose to speak boldly about depression and suicide.

Blackbird illuminates the joy and agony of parenthood. With wit, warmth, and unsparing candor, Betsy Stephenson shares her experience of losing her son Charlie to suicide. We come to know Charlie as an extraordinary young man with a privileged past and bright future. But Charlie, like nearly 20% of his same-age peers, also suffered with depression. His death shattered his family and rocked his entire community. Blackbird is a journey through darkest grief in the company of grieving friends. It is an affirmation of hope for a purposeful future where loss invokes authenticity and understanding.

[AWB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blackbird, by Betsy Stephenson, is beautifully and insightfully written. Although covering an extremely difficult topic, the author’s openness and honesty make the reader feel very comfortable throughout her painful journey.

Stephenson’s book gives readers great insight into how truly isolating depression and grief can be. Despite the subject matter, her friendly, conversational tone makes it a very relatable and even entertaining book.

I highly recommend this for someone who has experienced a great loss or looking to understand many facets of the grieving process.

[Bcg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the most meaningful books I have ever read. The author’s writing is so poignant! She brings you on her journey through grief with honesty. If you have not suffered extreme grief, she helps you understand what others are going through. If you have suffered grief, she validates all of your feelings.

She also doesn’t hide the fact that her son committed suicide. It is not something to be ashamed of!!! We should all talk more about mental illness and not make it a shameful thing that is whispered about in the background.

This is a MUST READ for EVERYONE!

[Ellen A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blackbird by Betsy Stephenson is a mother’s journey into grief after losing her son to suicide. Stephenson does not shy away from sharing her raw and all-consuming pain, but she does so in a remarkably relatable way, drawing the reader in with memories, humor, insight, and questions. As such, Stephenson has written an easy-to-read book on a very difficult subject matter. I highly recommend.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw and honest, this memoir takes the reader through a mother’s first few years grieving the suicide of her son.

[Karyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A courageous and searingly honest reflection of a mother’s journey through grief. Betsy’s voice is raw and real. Her openness, candor and humanity are inspiring and impactful. It’s an easy read and an impossible read and a must read for anyone who has ever worried about their own or a loved one’s mental health. Thank you for writing this book Betsy. 💛

[steve van leeuwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow… and a first book! please gift us with another.

Sad, yes but how fortunate for you both were to have had each other. I learned so much that I turned my amazing, therapist sister who deals regularly with suicide, on to Blackbird and she too was awed, passing it on to her large therapist group as required read. It’s that good. Thanks Betsy. What a woman.

[Ellen Daum-Grod · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreakingly honest.

[Jon Higgins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unimaginable courage.

[Awoodhoward · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fellow psychologist recommended this book & I cannot say enough about it. The writing is simultaneously heartbreaking AND heartwarming. As the author calls it -“a radically transparent” description of depression and suicide. An extremely important read. Thank you for your honesty and bravery, Betsy.

[NuryMag · Rating 5 out of 5]

Replaced the word son for husband and I was reading my own story.

[Bella Venturini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having a family member who lost a son to suicide, this book was a huge eye opener... very helpful in understanding the mindset of depression and grief 💜🐦‍⬛

[Holly Perna]

this was beautiful

[Cathy Wollman · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was very courageous of the Betsy Thibaut Stephenson to write this book. By all accounts, her son had everything going for him. This story reminds us that what we see on the outside, doesn't always reflect how a person is really feeling. The book was written in stream of consciousness style which was important for Stephenson to process her overwhelming grief and to stay connected to her son. That was certainly good for her. As a reader, I was looking for some some advice and suggestions for how I could help others dealing with grief. Maybe that will come out in a sequel.

[Nina Bunkers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so raw and real. It’s amazing that Betsy was able to write this book to be shared with the world. There has never been a more important time for this book than now. Thank you.

[Lauren Schrantz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I procrastinated reading this. The author is a dear friend and I kept putting off reliving the pain I saw her family experience. I finally made the decision to sandwich the read between the 2 weekends of Mardi Gras so I could rely on revelry to lift me out of the sadness I thought it would inspire. 

That was not at all necessary. As upsetting as it is to relive her experience, the way Stephenson has written Blackbird makes it very manageable. She shares her extensive grief work with us in brief segments, in an illustrative style, with a pace that gives readers natural stopping points to step back and absorb the important material without feeling overwhelmed or depressed. One does not need a parade to recover from this read.

Stephenson generously and openly speaks about her experience with depression and suicide. She offers readers the chance to learn from her experience. I have a son in Charlie's age range, and this book has inspired me to speak openly and often about these issues. It has armed me with talking points and a way to ask him questions (ex: apparently "how are you feeling?” is completely ineffective, so she provides alternative questions that can eek out better information), and communicate concerns. It has armed my family with the language and understanding to speak with friends who might be suffering. It has also inspired some healthy self reflection. 

The book is a valuable resource for parents, people without children, teenagers, grandparents ... pretty much everyone. I highly recommend.

[Kelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me start by saying please read this book. Your life will be changed for the better by it.

In Blackbird, Betsy Stephenson offers readers an unfiltered glimpse into the journey of a mother who loses a beloved child to suicide and depression. Whenever tragedy like this strikes someone we know, we all say, "I can't imagine what he/she is going through." By sharing her experience in this beautifully written book, Stephenson helps those of us on the outside to empathize and mourn along with her and therefore with others suffering similar loss. As she points out repeatedly in this memoir, everyone grieves differently but her tale drives home the underlying feelings caused by trauma and grief. I was constantly in awe of her ability to capture her feelings so viscerally as she struggled to move forward. And overjoyed to see her continue to do so even as she stumbles repeatedly.

The other things Stephenson does in Blackbird is reminds us that depression is real even if we can't always see it. As she looks back at what she wished she knew or had done, she also paints a picture of how secretive and malicious depression is for its sufferers. As someone who has been blessed not to struggle with that viscous disease personally, I have loved ones who do and I always need reminding that even though it doesn't make sense to me, it is reality for them. I hope people who read this book will keep that in mind and support those who need it.

[Niki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Blackbird within 12 hours of it landing in my mailbox. I've spent nearly 2 weeks trying to think of the words I want to say that would accurately describe how it's impacted me. There aren't any. So this is my best attempt.

Blackbird is a book that absolutely needed to be written. The epidemic of mental health and suicide that is ever-present and yet unspoken of is tremendous. And yet, the fact that it had to be written, is utterly devastating. Betsy takes what could arguably be the most destructive thing that could happen to any single human being and shares it in a radically honest and stream of consciousness way. Blackbird makes you realize grief is never linear, joy and heartbreak live in the same space and that 'how are you' is always a loaded question if you aren't interested in listening. Betsy, in her lowest moments, asks us all to check in on each other, allow space for the answer beyond "I'm fine," and how essential to our very lives the state of our mental health is. We proudly wear pink ribbons and tout our fight against cancer. Suicide and mental health crises are equally horrific diseases and need our vigilant attention. For both those who are living with this disease and the many heartbroken lives that are left behind after such devastation. Thank you Betsy for writing such an honest account of grief. I am so very sorry you had to.

[Lisa Eskew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blackbird is an astonishingly honest account of unimaginable loss. Ms. Stephenson brings you into her life during the immediate aftermath of her son's death and shows her family's strength and vulnerability. Their open and direct communication is poignant and at times breathtaking. Part memoir and part grief map, Ms. Stephenson's crisp and inviting style makes you feel like she is someone you have known for years, and want to catch up with. This story reminds you that grief is both unique and universal. She succeeds in demystifying mental health struggles and reminds us all to...check on our friends.

[Tim Brightbill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important book. Betsy Stephenson's account is powerful and moving, but also funny and real. Required reading for anyone dealing with and trying to understand suicide, grief, or depression.

[Caroline Coburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a story of reflection, resilience, and ultimately of love.

As a childhood friend of the Stephensons, a graduate student in a Clinical Mental Health Counseling program, and a member of Gen Z, I encourage all (and especially my peers) to read this gut-wrenchingly beautiful book.

Read to understand. Read to question. Read to have the hard conversations. Just read.

[Ruba Abu Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Blackbird” by Betsy Thibaut Stephenson is one of the hardest books I have ever read.

Interlaced with humor, grace, and beautiful writing, the author reflects on the grief of losing her son to depression, life after suicide, and her own struggle with depression.

This book is a big step towards de-stigmatizing mental illness.

Here are some of the author’s words that resonated with me, “In my dreams, Charlie is every age. A toddler who hugs my knees, a preteen who shuffles awkwardly into view, and as I last saw him, a college student smiling and calm. He rarely speaks. Once, he tells me he's alright. Always, I tell him that I mis him.”

Please read this book!

Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher and the author for the e-ARC of “Blackbird.”

[Fran Aslam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an honest and raw account of a mother's loss of her son to depression and suicide. It has thoroughly touched and impacted me that I find myself going back to reread parts of it over again. The author is such a beautiful writer as her words made me cry and laugh at the same time showing her ability to be fully open in telling her story. She explains Charlie's experience with depression and how this can trick and fool anyone into believing thoughts that aren't really true.
She also writes of her own bouts of depression with honesty and candor and by doing so tells us that we personally or any of our friends or loved ones can go through this; but to know we are not alone. Suicide is a difficult subject to discuss and understand for most people. I believe this book helps take away the stigma and opens up conversations to help save lives. If you've ever lost a love one and gone through such intense grief my hope is you will somehow find a way forward and I think is book can be part of the journey.