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Terrible Beauty: A Story of Calling, Breaking, and the Unmaking that Made Me
Terrible Beauty is a memoir that explores how life’s most challenging moments—failure, fear, and uncertainty—can lead to transformation and grace. The book weaves together personal storytelling and theological reflection to invite readers to embrace the risks of faith. It reveals the beauty found in the messy, redemptive work of community and trust in God. Rooted in the author’s experiences planting a church and facing personal and marital crises, the narrative blends poetic insight with raw honesty. Ultimately, Terrible Beauty is a meditation on grace, resilience, and the power of vulnerability in shaping an authentic faith.This book is a gift! Life isn’t as neat and clean as we might prefer. It isn’t always up and to the right or a straight line—even when we follow Jesus. We may try to pretend or power through, but the human and the divine, hurt and healing, joy and grief all run on parallel tracks.Through Bryan’s raw honesty and compelling storytelling, take a journey and discover how God doesn’t waste anything—and can redeem everything.
Aaron Stern, Lead Pastor of Mill City Church (Fort Collins, CO) and author of What’s Your Secret?
In Terrible Beauty, Bryan speaks to the evolution within us all, weaving our doubts, fears, triumphs, and glories into a narrative that reminds us that life, and anything worth pursuing, is both beautiful and brutal, a tension to manage, not to solve. The person we become in the process of our journey is as sacred and precious as the story we are writing, the battles we are fighting, and the life we are building.
Tiffany Bluhm, author of The Women We've Been Waiting For and Prey Tell
Terrible Beauty is an honest look at the process of church planting and the necessary parallel process of a church leader’s spiritual formation, neither of which is frictionless nor predictable. It shows us that there is no broadly applicable x,y,z that results in a “successful” church, or church leader. That, in fact, even those with the best of intentions will fall into pits and disappoint the people around them, but that these “dark nights” aren’t meant to discourage us, but rather transform us. It’s a story about embracing the mystery of the Body of Christ (made up of fallible humans) by the Spirit. It’s about the necessity of eschewing technique, and resting in the realization that God is the active agent, and all we are called to do in this life is be receptive to the parts God wishes us to play. Near the end, Bryan writes that “The manual is never what you really need,” and I’m so thankful that rather than add to the pile of by-the-numbers church planting books, he decided to give us this beautiful, encouraging, and prayerfully wise book instead.
Joey Goodall, Faith+Lead at Luther Seminary, Mockingbird
It is considered enlightened by some to claim that no one ever really changes, that change is not even possible. But if you want to keep believing that, you should never read this book. If you want to keep believing that, don't let Jesus get a hold of you. Pastor Bryan Halferty has written a brutally honest, hopeful book about the flawed ways we think and act, and about how Jesus meets us right there in the mess of it all with love, compassion and grace. I'm grateful for this book, and I encourage you to read it and learn from it so that you might change, grow and become more and more a child of the kingdom.
— Michael Wear, President and CEO, Center for Christianity and Public Life
Aaron Stern, Lead Pastor of Mill City Church (Fort Collins, CO) and author of What’s Your Secret?
In Terrible Beauty, Bryan speaks to the evolution within us all, weaving our doubts, fears, triumphs, and glories into a narrative that reminds us that life, and anything worth pursuing, is both beautiful and brutal, a tension to manage, not to solve. The person we become in the process of our journey is as sacred and precious as the story we are writing, the battles we are fighting, and the life we are building.
Tiffany Bluhm, author of The Women We've Been Waiting For and Prey Tell
Terrible Beauty is an honest look at the process of church planting and the necessary parallel process of a church leader’s spiritual formation, neither of which is frictionless nor predictable. It shows us that there is no broadly applicable x,y,z that results in a “successful” church, or church leader. That, in fact, even those with the best of intentions will fall into pits and disappoint the people around them, but that these “dark nights” aren’t meant to discourage us, but rather transform us. It’s a story about embracing the mystery of the Body of Christ (made up of fallible humans) by the Spirit. It’s about the necessity of eschewing technique, and resting in the realization that God is the active agent, and all we are called to do in this life is be receptive to the parts God wishes us to play. Near the end, Bryan writes that “The manual is never what you really need,” and I’m so thankful that rather than add to the pile of by-the-numbers church planting books, he decided to give us this beautiful, encouraging, and prayerfully wise book instead.
Joey Goodall, Faith+Lead at Luther Seminary, Mockingbird
It is considered enlightened by some to claim that no one ever really changes, that change is not even possible. But if you want to keep believing that, you should never read this book. If you want to keep believing that, don't let Jesus get a hold of you. Pastor Bryan Halferty has written a brutally honest, hopeful book about the flawed ways we think and act, and about how Jesus meets us right there in the mess of it all with love, compassion and grace. I'm grateful for this book, and I encourage you to read it and learn from it so that you might change, grow and become more and more a child of the kingdom.
— Michael Wear, President and CEO, Center for Christianity and Public Life
178 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 19, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
March 27, 2025
As a member of the community this book describes, I can confidently say that it has something to offer everyone.
Maybe you’re not particularly interested in matters of faith, but you enjoy being led by excellent prose into a life experience entirely different from your own. Maybe you’re a romantic who has found the realities of marriage to be something less than you had hoped for and just need encouragement to keep going. Maybe you have an entrepreneurial gift and hope to learn how to live a life oriented around goals without compromising the blessings of the present.
Or perhaps your greatest strengths are also your greatest weaknesses—the same thing you praise in yourself one moment becomes the cause of shame in the next. Maybe you want to grow in the subtle art of having grace for yourself. Maybe you just want to learn to be a better friend.
And maybe you’re like me—you learn best from stories and wise people who are honest and vulnerable about their failures.
This book feels more like talking with a friend than listening to a lecture. I am almost certain you will see yourself in it, and you will be grateful for the outstretched hand encouraging you to get up and keep walking. Not in your own strength, but through faith. This book is an invitation into a life of adventure, risk, and purpose.
Here is a glimpse:
“Things, all things, become real in degrees. A baby bubbles up to the size of a peach, and then a cantaloupe, before its arrival. A dating couple becomes an engaged couple, then married. Seeds and plants. Tadpoles and frogs. The principle is written into creation, and so it is with planting a church. The church will, if it is going to exist, climb out of a journal and make its way into a conversation with a spouse, a friend, a mentor. Eventually, it moves beyond conversations, involving things like budgets, securing non-profit status, board meetings, and of course, the actual worshiping and praying church community.”
Maybe you’re not particularly interested in matters of faith, but you enjoy being led by excellent prose into a life experience entirely different from your own. Maybe you’re a romantic who has found the realities of marriage to be something less than you had hoped for and just need encouragement to keep going. Maybe you have an entrepreneurial gift and hope to learn how to live a life oriented around goals without compromising the blessings of the present.
Or perhaps your greatest strengths are also your greatest weaknesses—the same thing you praise in yourself one moment becomes the cause of shame in the next. Maybe you want to grow in the subtle art of having grace for yourself. Maybe you just want to learn to be a better friend.
And maybe you’re like me—you learn best from stories and wise people who are honest and vulnerable about their failures.
This book feels more like talking with a friend than listening to a lecture. I am almost certain you will see yourself in it, and you will be grateful for the outstretched hand encouraging you to get up and keep walking. Not in your own strength, but through faith. This book is an invitation into a life of adventure, risk, and purpose.
Here is a glimpse:
“Things, all things, become real in degrees. A baby bubbles up to the size of a peach, and then a cantaloupe, before its arrival. A dating couple becomes an engaged couple, then married. Seeds and plants. Tadpoles and frogs. The principle is written into creation, and so it is with planting a church. The church will, if it is going to exist, climb out of a journal and make its way into a conversation with a spouse, a friend, a mentor. Eventually, it moves beyond conversations, involving things like budgets, securing non-profit status, board meetings, and of course, the actual worshiping and praying church community.”
May 3, 2025
I get the privilege of calling Bryan both a friend and a pastor, so yes I went into this book with great expectations and 100% bias, lol.
To know Bryan is to know someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, is full of vision and passion, and leads with humility and vulnerability. And the man houses a lot of words as I like to say, he just has this way of saying things like if a prophet and a poet all rolled into one lol.
I say all this to say in Terrible Beauty, you meet Bryan the writer, the poet, the pastor, the visionary. You also meet the husband, the father, the friend. A complex man of God trying like many of us to navigate the tension between calling and weakness, hope and heartache, faith and fragility.
I also loved that Kandice, his wife wrote a chapter which is so rare and refreshing in a memoir. Her voice and perspective on the church planting journey was both gut wrenching and beautiful. And if you know her in real life, you know that same depth and strength come through in the way she lives and loves. What a gift to see it on the page.
This book doesn’t hand you all the answers. Instead, it invites you to wrestle, to wonder, and to remember that even in the most broken places, beauty is still breaking through. So if you need a reminder of that, I would highly encourage you to give Terrible Beauty a read!!
To know Bryan is to know someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, is full of vision and passion, and leads with humility and vulnerability. And the man houses a lot of words as I like to say, he just has this way of saying things like if a prophet and a poet all rolled into one lol.
I say all this to say in Terrible Beauty, you meet Bryan the writer, the poet, the pastor, the visionary. You also meet the husband, the father, the friend. A complex man of God trying like many of us to navigate the tension between calling and weakness, hope and heartache, faith and fragility.
I also loved that Kandice, his wife wrote a chapter which is so rare and refreshing in a memoir. Her voice and perspective on the church planting journey was both gut wrenching and beautiful. And if you know her in real life, you know that same depth and strength come through in the way she lives and loves. What a gift to see it on the page.
This book doesn’t hand you all the answers. Instead, it invites you to wrestle, to wonder, and to remember that even in the most broken places, beauty is still breaking through. So if you need a reminder of that, I would highly encourage you to give Terrible Beauty a read!!
April 8, 2025
I’m a sucker for memoirs, and also love a good theology books. Even if I didn’t know the author, naturally I would love a book like Terrible Beauty. We were a part of Anchor for a few years during the height of Covid and the way Bryan and Kandice navigated a new church plant, a marriage and a young family in a shut down, post Christian city was inspiring to say the least. I’m grateful that he has taken the time to share the good bad and ugly (or terrible and beautiful) aspects of their story.
April 22, 2025
PRO: Very well written- great prose. The book offers a wonderful insight into the mind and heart of Bryan. I appreciate Bryan’s honesty and vulnerability in his writing- it gives strength to his well written narrative.
CON: Some of the theology points hit were a little…off. Not necessarily wrong but not quite right. For instance, when discussing Christ’s baptism he states that Jesus needed reminding of who He was and that was why the Father spoke from heaven. Jesus is fully God and fully man- I don’t think we can say that Jesus needed reminding of who He was. That leads into my next point- I’m not sure that Bryan gave enough weight to the deity of Christ in his writing. Thats not to say he doesn’t give weight to it in “real life” but it’s not well reflected in this book. I know that this is not a theology book, rather it’s a memoir, but that is a major pillar of the faith that should be given a bit more space in a book like this.
CON: Some of the theology points hit were a little…off. Not necessarily wrong but not quite right. For instance, when discussing Christ’s baptism he states that Jesus needed reminding of who He was and that was why the Father spoke from heaven. Jesus is fully God and fully man- I don’t think we can say that Jesus needed reminding of who He was. That leads into my next point- I’m not sure that Bryan gave enough weight to the deity of Christ in his writing. Thats not to say he doesn’t give weight to it in “real life” but it’s not well reflected in this book. I know that this is not a theology book, rather it’s a memoir, but that is a major pillar of the faith that should be given a bit more space in a book like this.
April 7, 2025
Raw honesty shines through this book. Brian takes the reader on a journey with him through his ministry, marital and writing adventures. Such a deep book rich with an available voice that can connect across age and gender.
April 4, 2025
AMAZING. just read it. 🎊✨👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
April 14, 2025
This is one of the most beautiful books you will read. Bryan’s honesty and vulnerability is so refreshing and provides a powerful framework for formation through humility and authenticity. It’s became a new favorite of mine!
March 20, 2025
Great book! Very well written and the honesty is so refreshing. Every journey is full of joy and pain…how we engage both will determine what gifts we receive from them. Even though this is a story of church planting, there is something for everyone in this book.
March 16, 2025
Great book, really earnest writing that I think will encourage just about anyone that is pursuing God and setting out on something new. I have the benefit of being a part of the community that Bryan is writing about and it was a blessing to hear more of how God has moved in this family’s life and the establishment of the ministry.
July 11, 2025
This is the best, most timely, book I’ve read all year. I needed this more than I knew as a reality check and a soothing balm after a year less than stellar. Thank you Bryan.
July 22, 2025
In Terrible Beauty, Bryan Halferty invites readers into a raw and deeply personal journey of calling, breaking, and the unmaking that ultimately made him. This book is incredibly written, and incredible to read.
This isn’t a church planting manual—it’s a memoir. It’s the story behind the founding of Anchor Church in Tacoma, WA, but more than that, it’s the story of Halferty’s sanctification.
Halferty is honest—sometimes uncomfortably so. But that’s part of what makes this book so compelling. His vulnerability is real, and through it, you can’t help but marvel at the relentless grace of God in his life. I don’t say this as a slight—in fact, I think Bryan himself would gladly agree.
How God Shapes a Soul
The “terrible beauty” he writes of is the fierce, sometimes painful, yet ultimately redemptive work of God in shaping a soul.
One of the most striking parts of the book is a chapter written by his wife, Kandice Halferty. It feels unfair how talented they both are. With incredible honesty and beauty, they each reflect on how church planting nearly tore their marriage apart—and how, by God’s grace, it also brought them closer than ever.
This book is a page-turner. I read it in one sitting while on vacation—and I’m still thinking about it. From planter to pastor, from man to husband, from a people-pleaser to a person resting in the truth that he is fully loved by God. This book is the story of how God changed Bryan Halferty—and after reading it, I can honestly say God has changed me as well.
I received a media copy of Terrible Beauty and this is my honest review.
This isn’t a church planting manual—it’s a memoir. It’s the story behind the founding of Anchor Church in Tacoma, WA, but more than that, it’s the story of Halferty’s sanctification.
Halferty is honest—sometimes uncomfortably so. But that’s part of what makes this book so compelling. His vulnerability is real, and through it, you can’t help but marvel at the relentless grace of God in his life. I don’t say this as a slight—in fact, I think Bryan himself would gladly agree.
How God Shapes a Soul
The “terrible beauty” he writes of is the fierce, sometimes painful, yet ultimately redemptive work of God in shaping a soul.
One of the most striking parts of the book is a chapter written by his wife, Kandice Halferty. It feels unfair how talented they both are. With incredible honesty and beauty, they each reflect on how church planting nearly tore their marriage apart—and how, by God’s grace, it also brought them closer than ever.
This book is a page-turner. I read it in one sitting while on vacation—and I’m still thinking about it. From planter to pastor, from man to husband, from a people-pleaser to a person resting in the truth that he is fully loved by God. This book is the story of how God changed Bryan Halferty—and after reading it, I can honestly say God has changed me as well.
I received a media copy of Terrible Beauty and this is my honest review.
March 7, 2025
"Terrible Beauty" is an honest look at the process of church planting and the necessary parallel process of a church leader’s spiritual formation, neither of which is frictionless nor predictable. It shows us that there is no broadly applicable x,y,z that results in a “successful” church, or church leader. That, in fact, even those with the best of intentions will fall into pits and disappoint the people around them, but that these “dark nights” aren’t meant to discourage us, but rather transform us. It’s a story about embracing the mystery of the Body of Christ (made up of fallible humans) by the Spirit. It’s about the necessity of eschewing technique, and resting in the realization that God is the active agent, and all we are called to do in this life is be receptive to the parts God wishes us to play. Near the end, Bryan writes that “The manual is never what you really need,” and I’m so thankful that rather than add to the pile of by-the-numbers church planting books, he decided to give us this beautiful, encouraging, and prayerfully wise book instead.
April 3, 2025
"Terrible Beauty" resonates deeply as a must-read for church planters or anyone starting something new. It’s raw and real—no sugarcoating, no easy answers. Halferty lays out the exhaustion, the loneliness, and the moments where you wonder if you’ve made a huge mistake. But where this book shines is in finding those unexpected sacred moments even in the mess.
This isn’t a book of church growth strategies or step-by-step advice. It’s an honest look at what it means to stay faithful in a specific place, with specific people, even when it’s hard. Halferty writes with the kind of vulnerability that only comes from being humbled by the process.
If you’re over polished success stories and want a book that actually feels like a companion on the journey, this is it. It’s not a manual—it’s a reminder that the work is worth it, even when it doesn’t look like success. In a world obsessed with results, this book is a much-needed reality check on what really matters.
This isn’t a book of church growth strategies or step-by-step advice. It’s an honest look at what it means to stay faithful in a specific place, with specific people, even when it’s hard. Halferty writes with the kind of vulnerability that only comes from being humbled by the process.
If you’re over polished success stories and want a book that actually feels like a companion on the journey, this is it. It’s not a manual—it’s a reminder that the work is worth it, even when it doesn’t look like success. In a world obsessed with results, this book is a much-needed reality check on what really matters.
April 15, 2025
I have to confess that I wrote the Foreword to this book, for what it's worth. I feel Bryan has done us a favor, showing us that planting a successful church, in his case in Tacoma, WA, is not the result of following a tested formula but irreducibly the mysterious work of the Holy Spirit who uses the nitty gritty details in the lives of both those planting the church and those being welcomed. Bryan calls this dance "terrible beauty," especially since the birth of the church was not just a matter of his effort but also due to his allowing God to scour his soul with the Spirit's healing touch as Bryan struggled to make real the vision God had given him. Not too many pastors are willing to be so unguarded and honest, which makes the book all the more inspiring to read.
May 12, 2025
This is more of a overview, or a work in progress, as in something like a preamble to a larger piece.
In other words, the story is not finished.
Stepping out of one's comfort zone is always a scenic route to the unknowable.
This journey is one that many people, beyond the specifics, have traveled.
I look forward to more stories, and unlikely encounters, and maybe eve a few life lessons along the way from this writer/thinker/pastor.
In other words, the story is not finished.
Stepping out of one's comfort zone is always a scenic route to the unknowable.
This journey is one that many people, beyond the specifics, have traveled.
I look forward to more stories, and unlikely encounters, and maybe eve a few life lessons along the way from this writer/thinker/pastor.
September 11, 2025
I'll be honest, I didn't finish :( Having known the man for over a decade, I really felt that this book was written for those already deeply involved in his church. Being a dad and a pastor, while challenging, are not the biggest struggles in life. The book got better for me when I looked at for what it was: the world through the lens of a unreliable narrator trying to unravel the mysteries of his traditional Christian narrative through the power of hyperbole and imagination.
April 27, 2025
I finished Terrible Beauty late last night. I took my time. One gets to read a good book for the first time only once. I was touched by Bryan’s candor and transparency. This is a story of God building a person… a family… even more than a story of planting a church, but the two go hand-in-hand in this book.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews