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Girls Play Dead: Acts of Self-Preservation
A lyrical and groundbreaking exploration of the misunderstood ways women survive and forever carry trauma from the award-winning New York Times Magazine writer Jen Percy.
“Percy’s subject is brutal, but her writing allays some of the impact by being almost impossibly crisp, vulnerable, lyrical....Her stories, woven together, become something like a fabric, a totality....Girls Play Dead is a vital continuation of [the effort] 'to tell true stories of women’s lives,' in such breadth and definition that the justice system finally has to acknowledge what it’s been obscuring.” — Sophie Gilbert, The Atlantic
“Girls Play Dead reads like a novel, exquisitely rendered, and a kind of geography, mapping out the complexities of women’s experiences going ‘down below’ and the specific ways that they come to understand their altered bodies and minds.”
—Rachel Aviv, New York Times bestselling author of Strangers to Ourselves
After a childhood spent learning survival strategies in the wilderness, Jen Percy thought she knew how she would respond in the face of danger. But a series of unsettling interactions with men left her feeling betrayed and confounded by her body's passivity. Forced to reckon the myths of her own empowerment, Percy set off a broader inquiry into the way fear shapes behavior in the context of sexual violence, including the strange behaviors of three generations of women in her family.
Drawing on original reporting, years of conversations with survivors, and her own life story, Percy explores the surprising ways in which responses to sexual violence are shaped by both evolutionary instinct and gendered scripts. She takes on taboo subjects—orgasms during assault, sexual promiscuity, female rage, freezing and passivity—illuminating how society misreads these acts as deviance or consent, rather than brilliant acts of self-preservation.
Like Joan Didion, Katherine Boo, and Janet Malcolm, Percy is a fearless cultural critic with a talent for wresting deep truths from lived experiences. Girls Play Dead meaningfully expands the language available to survivors and complicates our expectations of how a trauma story should sound—especially when belief, justice, and healing are contingent on how well a story “makes sense.” Percy examines how trauma corrupts storytelling itself, making survivors’ accounts seem fractured or surreal—and therefore less credible to institutions demanding coherence—resulting in an ambitious testament to the mind as a record of resilience.
“Percy’s subject is brutal, but her writing allays some of the impact by being almost impossibly crisp, vulnerable, lyrical....Her stories, woven together, become something like a fabric, a totality....Girls Play Dead is a vital continuation of [the effort] 'to tell true stories of women’s lives,' in such breadth and definition that the justice system finally has to acknowledge what it’s been obscuring.” — Sophie Gilbert, The Atlantic
“Girls Play Dead reads like a novel, exquisitely rendered, and a kind of geography, mapping out the complexities of women’s experiences going ‘down below’ and the specific ways that they come to understand their altered bodies and minds.”
—Rachel Aviv, New York Times bestselling author of Strangers to Ourselves
After a childhood spent learning survival strategies in the wilderness, Jen Percy thought she knew how she would respond in the face of danger. But a series of unsettling interactions with men left her feeling betrayed and confounded by her body's passivity. Forced to reckon the myths of her own empowerment, Percy set off a broader inquiry into the way fear shapes behavior in the context of sexual violence, including the strange behaviors of three generations of women in her family.
Drawing on original reporting, years of conversations with survivors, and her own life story, Percy explores the surprising ways in which responses to sexual violence are shaped by both evolutionary instinct and gendered scripts. She takes on taboo subjects—orgasms during assault, sexual promiscuity, female rage, freezing and passivity—illuminating how society misreads these acts as deviance or consent, rather than brilliant acts of self-preservation.
Like Joan Didion, Katherine Boo, and Janet Malcolm, Percy is a fearless cultural critic with a talent for wresting deep truths from lived experiences. Girls Play Dead meaningfully expands the language available to survivors and complicates our expectations of how a trauma story should sound—especially when belief, justice, and healing are contingent on how well a story “makes sense.” Percy examines how trauma corrupts storytelling itself, making survivors’ accounts seem fractured or surreal—and therefore less credible to institutions demanding coherence—resulting in an ambitious testament to the mind as a record of resilience.
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First published January 1, 2025
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December 25, 2025I find this hard to rate - it feels very personal and assigning it a star value does quote feel right. The writing was good and I liked the non-linear structure, I felt like it worked very well for the blend of memoir and non-fiction. The author jumps around and intersperses her own memories with others' memories and academic research. It feels like my favourite kind of memoir (not really a memoir but a reflection of the world around you and interpreting your own experiences as a part of the greater whole).
I highly recommend this, but with the warning that this is a tough book that is best enjoyed slowly. It made me think a lot about my own experiences.
Some of my favourite quotes:
"And I found comfort in this idea of self-betrayal - it felt so true for many of my experiences, but hardly discussed. Sometimes we don't understand our own boundaries, much less articulate them. There can be a part of ourselves that is agential but also deeply lost and uncertain about what is normal."
This quote hurt^^
"There were times that I felt uncomfortable, or I didn't want to do what was being asked of me next. But I did. I went along with it, or I didn't say no, or I didn't leave, or I didn't want to be rude, or I thought I was overreacting, or l didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or I felt frozen and like I was no longer a part of the world. Times when I didn't make a fuss or whatever."
"Moths grew wings with patterns like the faces of snakes or owls. Rabbits grew fur that changed with the seasons. Lizards could amputate their tails to get away. I learned there were costs to self-preservation, that keeping ourselves safe meant we had to give something up. I learned the horned lizard spurted blood from its eyes to scare predators. It made itself monstrous to stay alive. It gave up beauty."
"Shame is when you stare at your past self, and she stares right back at you."
I highly recommend this, but with the warning that this is a tough book that is best enjoyed slowly. It made me think a lot about my own experiences.
Some of my favourite quotes:
"And I found comfort in this idea of self-betrayal - it felt so true for many of my experiences, but hardly discussed. Sometimes we don't understand our own boundaries, much less articulate them. There can be a part of ourselves that is agential but also deeply lost and uncertain about what is normal."
This quote hurt^^
"There were times that I felt uncomfortable, or I didn't want to do what was being asked of me next. But I did. I went along with it, or I didn't say no, or I didn't leave, or I didn't want to be rude, or I thought I was overreacting, or l didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or I felt frozen and like I was no longer a part of the world. Times when I didn't make a fuss or whatever."
"Moths grew wings with patterns like the faces of snakes or owls. Rabbits grew fur that changed with the seasons. Lizards could amputate their tails to get away. I learned there were costs to self-preservation, that keeping ourselves safe meant we had to give something up. I learned the horned lizard spurted blood from its eyes to scare predators. It made itself monstrous to stay alive. It gave up beauty."
"Shame is when you stare at your past self, and she stares right back at you."
November 17, 2025
“There were times that I felt uncomfortable, or I didn’t want to do what was being asked of me next. But I did. I went along with it, or I didn’t say no, or I didn’t leave, or I didn’t want to be rude, or I thought I was overreacting, or I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or I felt frozen and like I was no longer a part of the world. Times when I didn’t make a fuss or whatever. … I also didn’t want this to be something I didn’t want. Rape, I mean.”
Thank you, with all my heart, to Doubleday Books for sending me a copy of this incredible book.
This book. It was the vast amount of important information, the stories of victims themselves, and the vulnerability and gorgeous writing of the author, Jen Percy, that helped heal something within myself. It inspired this need to bolster those stories through my own platform, however small. And as I’ve said, this ever-present message of “it is not our fault”, felt crucial to the narrative, both personal and public.
I learned so many things from this book about the phenomena that happen in the wake of assault and trauma that I, even 41 years old and deep into healing, hadn’t really had illuminated. I was still frustrated with myself for handling things a certain way… but there is science to say “even that isn’t your fault”. It was comforting. But aside from how the book relates to me it is full of examples outside my experience. It focuses on incarcerated Black women who fought back against their attackers, and how Black women experience even greater depths of judgement and blame when they report or suffer from assault, no matter how they react. It doesn’t shy away from the other racial issues like the white woman accusing the Black man of assault, and how that dynamic hurts individuals and communities. It’s striping away the idea that one must be a perfect victim, of any kind, and showcasing the need for new procedures and accommodations in helping victims recover and seek justice. As the title suggests, it is in understanding the “acts of self-preservation” taken on by victims (voluntarily or involuntarily) that need room to be known and considered.
Highly recommend this one. It’s difficult but very intelligent and moving.
Thank you, with all my heart, to Doubleday Books for sending me a copy of this incredible book.
This book. It was the vast amount of important information, the stories of victims themselves, and the vulnerability and gorgeous writing of the author, Jen Percy, that helped heal something within myself. It inspired this need to bolster those stories through my own platform, however small. And as I’ve said, this ever-present message of “it is not our fault”, felt crucial to the narrative, both personal and public.
I learned so many things from this book about the phenomena that happen in the wake of assault and trauma that I, even 41 years old and deep into healing, hadn’t really had illuminated. I was still frustrated with myself for handling things a certain way… but there is science to say “even that isn’t your fault”. It was comforting. But aside from how the book relates to me it is full of examples outside my experience. It focuses on incarcerated Black women who fought back against their attackers, and how Black women experience even greater depths of judgement and blame when they report or suffer from assault, no matter how they react. It doesn’t shy away from the other racial issues like the white woman accusing the Black man of assault, and how that dynamic hurts individuals and communities. It’s striping away the idea that one must be a perfect victim, of any kind, and showcasing the need for new procedures and accommodations in helping victims recover and seek justice. As the title suggests, it is in understanding the “acts of self-preservation” taken on by victims (voluntarily or involuntarily) that need room to be known and considered.
Highly recommend this one. It’s difficult but very intelligent and moving.
November 24, 2025
Girls Play Dead is packed with horrific stories from women who have been assaulted or abused on a scale of just one time to their whole entire lives. Each one unique, yet all completely awful. And the worst part is, these instances are not one-and-done, but the aftermath can last a lifetime.
Jen Pearcy begins the book by talking about her mother teaching her to survive in the wilderness, specifically how to avoid a bear attack by playing dead. This symbolism for the way many women survive attacks by human men is so powerful, because when it comes down to it assault can be just as vulgar and devastating as an attack by a whole bear. She goes on to share her own stories of sexual harrassment and assult as well as similar stories by other women, and how each woman dealt with their situation differently.
Many women experienced tonic immobility, an involuntary state of paralysis and unresponsiveness, a response often seen in animals being attacked. Even if their bodies don't go so far as to literally freeze, it's not uncommon for women to simply submit even after explicity saying 'no' because in some ways it feels as if a lack of fight will be safer in the end. Or that if you don't put up a fight, you won't have to face the harsh realities of the assault being a technical rape. No matter how a person defaults in an abusive situation, the fact of the matter is that the harm never should have been done in the first place.
Books like these are hard to stomach because unfortunately sexual assault and harrassment happen so often in our world and to the majoirty of women at some point in their lives. And as I said before, these things don't just go away once the trauma is over. All of the women in this book were still dealing with it months and years later, even their entire lives. Jen interviewed women with instense anxiety, some even to the point of agoraphobia who couldn't leave their home. Some of them an a twisted attempt to take their power back and take matters into their own hands just started sleeping with anyone and everyone, using it as a form of self harm, even. One woman with siezures believed she was epileptic, and when she went to the doctor's office they couldn't find anything wrong with her. It was triggers of her trauma giving her actual medical seizures. And in other cases, some women struggle to have sex ever again even under normal circumstances.
Either way, so many women in our world are struggling with complex trauma and the common denominator is what? Men who have no sense of self control, who take what they want, and don't know the word 'no.' Men who you may never suspect, either.
The moral of the story is this: We have to start raising young men to know what kindness and self control and respect are in order to heal the world in the area of sexual violence!
TW: child neglect, psychological abuse, cult, sexual harassment and assault, agoraphobia
Jen Pearcy begins the book by talking about her mother teaching her to survive in the wilderness, specifically how to avoid a bear attack by playing dead. This symbolism for the way many women survive attacks by human men is so powerful, because when it comes down to it assault can be just as vulgar and devastating as an attack by a whole bear. She goes on to share her own stories of sexual harrassment and assult as well as similar stories by other women, and how each woman dealt with their situation differently.
Many women experienced tonic immobility, an involuntary state of paralysis and unresponsiveness, a response often seen in animals being attacked. Even if their bodies don't go so far as to literally freeze, it's not uncommon for women to simply submit even after explicity saying 'no' because in some ways it feels as if a lack of fight will be safer in the end. Or that if you don't put up a fight, you won't have to face the harsh realities of the assault being a technical rape. No matter how a person defaults in an abusive situation, the fact of the matter is that the harm never should have been done in the first place.
Books like these are hard to stomach because unfortunately sexual assault and harrassment happen so often in our world and to the majoirty of women at some point in their lives. And as I said before, these things don't just go away once the trauma is over. All of the women in this book were still dealing with it months and years later, even their entire lives. Jen interviewed women with instense anxiety, some even to the point of agoraphobia who couldn't leave their home. Some of them an a twisted attempt to take their power back and take matters into their own hands just started sleeping with anyone and everyone, using it as a form of self harm, even. One woman with siezures believed she was epileptic, and when she went to the doctor's office they couldn't find anything wrong with her. It was triggers of her trauma giving her actual medical seizures. And in other cases, some women struggle to have sex ever again even under normal circumstances.
Either way, so many women in our world are struggling with complex trauma and the common denominator is what? Men who have no sense of self control, who take what they want, and don't know the word 'no.' Men who you may never suspect, either.
The moral of the story is this: We have to start raising young men to know what kindness and self control and respect are in order to heal the world in the area of sexual violence!
TW: child neglect, psychological abuse, cult, sexual harassment and assault, agoraphobia
January 13, 2026
This book explores the “freeze” response—the reason so many women find themselves unable to fight back in cases of sexual assault. It builds on that theme and looks at this response in other contexts, but what I found most fascinating was when the author spoke to experts about what’s happening in the body when this response happens. I wasn’t aware of the biological mechanisms that were at work in these cases before reading this. I was both intrigued and frustrated to hear about the difficulties of explaining this response in court. There was some Jungian psychology in this book that I didn’t totally vibe with, but overall, I found this to be a fascinating examination of misogyny and trauma, and I would definitely recommend it.
December 23, 2025
This book is a beautiful display of the complexity that is surviving a sexual trauma and living with the aftermath. Jen Percy stitches many stories together to fit into the overarching narrative that no victim and no story fits in the perfect box previously built by a patriarchal society. The stories told here are cutting, gritty, emotional, and accurate descriptions of what can happen to women who are trying to live with the results of a personally invasive event(s). The stories were interwoven with facts based in scientific research, making it feel infinitely more real. I’m grateful to have picked this book up, and grateful to Jen Percy to putting out a work that speaks to the more “unconventional” stories of sexual assault, harassment, and abuse.
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February 1, 2026En raison du sujet abordé, il me semble presque inapproprié d’attribuer une note à ce livre.
C’est un récit profondément éprouvant.
Si vous êtes une femme, ou toute autre personne, ayant vécu un traumatisme, je vous recommande de l’aborder avec beaucoup de prudence et de faire preuve d’une grande bienveillance envers vous-même au fil de la lecture.
Les témoignages sont difficiles à recevoir, parfois même douloureux, mais leur mise en mots reste essentielle. Il est important qu’ils existent, qu’ils soient entendus et qu’on puisse en parler.
C’est un récit profondément éprouvant.
Si vous êtes une femme, ou toute autre personne, ayant vécu un traumatisme, je vous recommande de l’aborder avec beaucoup de prudence et de faire preuve d’une grande bienveillance envers vous-même au fil de la lecture.
Les témoignages sont difficiles à recevoir, parfois même douloureux, mais leur mise en mots reste essentielle. Il est important qu’ils existent, qu’ils soient entendus et qu’on puisse en parler.
January 31, 2026
Incredibly difficult and incredibly important read.
Part memoir, part research--pulling from history, mythology, wildlife biology, neurology, and other modalities to explore how our bodies & brains respond to trauma.
It will break your heart; it looks at the complex ways our systems strategize to survive, to cope, to forget. This book particularly examines stories of sexual assault, the freeze response, and tonic immobility.
Along with "Know My Name," this is essential reading for men and women alike.
Part memoir, part research--pulling from history, mythology, wildlife biology, neurology, and other modalities to explore how our bodies & brains respond to trauma.
It will break your heart; it looks at the complex ways our systems strategize to survive, to cope, to forget. This book particularly examines stories of sexual assault, the freeze response, and tonic immobility.
Along with "Know My Name," this is essential reading for men and women alike.
January 6, 2026
I found this book fascinating, incredibly valuable, and deeply disturbing. Any book that dives into the topic of rape and sexual assault the way this book does is bound to be unpleasant, but I think it’s worth pushing through this particular book because the information that it shares is so vitally important. As a victim of rape myself, I always had a lot of questions and felt a lot of confusion when I look back at that period of time—why did I react the way I did during the rape? Why did my body feel the effects long after they should have stopped? Why didn’t I report it? Why do I still live with a bit of lingering fear and general distrust of men, 10 years later? This book helped me look at my own rape through a different lense and I felt stronger and less alone knowing that everything I did that I felt was “weird” or outright “wrong” were either natural body reactions, or just me trying to survive the unthinkable.
I think this book could be really valuable to everyone, regardless of what trauma you do (or do not) carry, and I wish men would read this book to gain more compassion towards women and their struggles. I’d recommend this book, though, to anyone who wants to better their understanding on how rape and sexual abuse impact women, from the moment the rape starts (and sometimes even before) and forward into the rest of their lives. As long as you can handle the trauma written about within, please make this book one of your next reads.
I think this book could be really valuable to everyone, regardless of what trauma you do (or do not) carry, and I wish men would read this book to gain more compassion towards women and their struggles. I’d recommend this book, though, to anyone who wants to better their understanding on how rape and sexual abuse impact women, from the moment the rape starts (and sometimes even before) and forward into the rest of their lives. As long as you can handle the trauma written about within, please make this book one of your next reads.
January 6, 2026
Everyone should read this book
December 26, 2025
A horrifying, debilitating read. Is neither a bad book nor a great one, but tremendously painful in the way it gives voice to women’s sexual victimization. I don’t know that I’m better for having read this.
February 3, 2026
I am convinced that during the Stone Age I must have been wounded by the love of some man, because a certain secret fear of mine dates from that time.
Be that as it may, one warm night, I was sitting and chatting politely with a civilized gentleman who was wearing a dark suit and had very correct fingernails. I was, as the writer Sérgio Porto would say, feeling perfectly at ease, and eating some guava. Then the man says: "Shall we go for a little ride?" No. I'm going to tell the naked truth. What he said was: "Shall we go for a paseito?"
I didn't have time to find out the nature of that paseito, because I immediately heard, coming from thousands of centuries, the rumble of the first stone in an avalanche: my heart. Who was it? Who, in the Stone Age, took me out for a paseito from which I never returned, because I'm still there?
I don't know what hidden terror lies in the monstrous delicacy of that word paseito.
—Clarice Lispector, "In Favor of
Fear"
... he kissed my eyes, and, mimicking the new bride newly wakened, I flung my arms around him, for on my seeming acquiescence depended my salvation.
—Angela Carter, "The Bloody
Chamber"
everyone needs to read this.
Be that as it may, one warm night, I was sitting and chatting politely with a civilized gentleman who was wearing a dark suit and had very correct fingernails. I was, as the writer Sérgio Porto would say, feeling perfectly at ease, and eating some guava. Then the man says: "Shall we go for a little ride?" No. I'm going to tell the naked truth. What he said was: "Shall we go for a paseito?"
I didn't have time to find out the nature of that paseito, because I immediately heard, coming from thousands of centuries, the rumble of the first stone in an avalanche: my heart. Who was it? Who, in the Stone Age, took me out for a paseito from which I never returned, because I'm still there?
I don't know what hidden terror lies in the monstrous delicacy of that word paseito.
—Clarice Lispector, "In Favor of
Fear"
... he kissed my eyes, and, mimicking the new bride newly wakened, I flung my arms around him, for on my seeming acquiescence depended my salvation.
—Angela Carter, "The Bloody
Chamber"
everyone needs to read this.
February 4, 2026
Nothing I write will do justice to my feelings or the impact GIRLS PLAY DEAD had on me.
This book should be mandatory reading in all high schools.
Every police officer should read this book, especially those who investigate sex crimes and deal with trauma victims.
Jen Percy discusses issues such as “tonic immobility,” the “freeze” aspect of the fight/flight/freeze response. Freezing is not compliance. Yet assault victims are often brushed aside and not believed because they didn’t fight or run.
We get a clear look at the sometimes subtle, sometimes egregious role gender conditioning plays in every woman’s life.
And we meet women who have been failed every step of the way by our social and justice system.
This is not an easy read, but it is absolutely an important one.
*Thanks to Doubleday Books (#DoubledayPartner) for the free copy!*
This book should be mandatory reading in all high schools.
Every police officer should read this book, especially those who investigate sex crimes and deal with trauma victims.
Jen Percy discusses issues such as “tonic immobility,” the “freeze” aspect of the fight/flight/freeze response. Freezing is not compliance. Yet assault victims are often brushed aside and not believed because they didn’t fight or run.
We get a clear look at the sometimes subtle, sometimes egregious role gender conditioning plays in every woman’s life.
And we meet women who have been failed every step of the way by our social and justice system.
This is not an easy read, but it is absolutely an important one.
*Thanks to Doubleday Books (#DoubledayPartner) for the free copy!*
December 24, 2025
Thankfully, our law enforcement agencies and our courts are more aware of this phenomenon. It remains difficult for people to understand - why didn't you fight back? why didn't you scream? It seems counterintuitive to many that a valid survival tactic is to freeze during an attack. Percy looks at the history and the experts who helped to bring this to broader knowledge.
December 31, 2025
This is very hard to read, but important. As someone who has experienced sexual assault, you might better understand how and why you responded the way that you did—but societally, everyone should read to become better informed before they try to make any judgements about the validity of a victim’s story and trauma. There is a kind of punishment for freezing and taking it, and carceral punishment for women who fight back—how does anyone but the perpetrators of sexual violence win?
November 18, 2025
Gut wrenching. Its hard to write reviews on things like this. I didn’t like the format? but the content was very interesting and well written. I didn’t necessarily need the authors memoir style that was randomly sprinkled throughout. I would have liked her story to be it’s own section but I also appreciate the difficulty of sharing these deeply personal experiences.
December 15, 2025
muy bien escrito, buen equilibrio entre historias y data, una prosa estupenda, duro.
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January 18, 2026I feel mixed about this book. First and most importantly, it calls attention to the *extremely important* concept of TONIC IMMOBILITY.
If we learn one thing from this book it is that it needs to be publicized, far and wide, that "freeze" is an extremely common response to being sexually assaulted. Someone can be very much not wanting to be assaulted and yet be physically incapable of moving, resisting, speaking, crying out. Apparently a possum doesn't have control over when it plays dead; it just becomes immobile. All of law enforcement needs to know this, all lawyers need to know this, all juries need to know this, which means everybody needs to know this.
As far as the mixed bag part, I've been commenting as I read and I'll summarize some of my comments. I'm concerned about being callous to victims'/survivors' pain. I'm concerned about displaying a lack of understanding or compassion that people who experienced SA will find hurtful, and the last thing I want to do is cause pain. (One might think in that case I should shut my mouth now and stop writing.) 1) If you object to what I say or find it hurtful, comment and let me know. I am open to being edified. 2) There is something that struck me as I read this, and I want to remark on it. Again, what I say may be callous and hurtful, and I am open to learning better.
The beginning is painful reading. It's story after story of assault. I was expecting more of an analysis of why people do what they do in these situations and it was a litany of misery. I almost stopped there.
By 20% the analysis starts, and that was a long time.
52% I wondered my myofascial release is not discussed more.
64% it moved away from research and a factual tone and back into memoir processing tone
85% took a real left turn for me and I felt it undermined a lot of the other parts of the book.
Before I get into the funny feeling I had as I was reading this book, I want to say again how absolutely important the idea of tonic immobility is. I appreciate there being a book about this so much.
Now onward to the controversial portion of my review. As I was reading, I remembered some essays I read and went back to find the quotes from the essay/s, because it was so strongly twanging that same issue for me. Here are the quotes:
>>I run into a lot more people who’ve had, like, eleven-out-of-twelve romantic relationships turn out super fucked-up and abusive (or, alternatively, completely lovely and drama-free) than I do half-and-halfers. And the same is true for money problems and employment experiences and even (depressingly) stuff like health and healthcare.
>>(One of the more unsettling truths about the world we live in is that something in the vicinity of half of all rape victims will be victimized a second time, whereas the odds of being victimized in the first place (at least in America) are more like one in five. Some estimates even claim the rate of a second assault is as high as two-out-of-three. Rape and molestation are not random horrors; they are somehow concentrated within a certain swath of the population.)
****
>>To be clear: both of these different kinds of people believe what they believe for reasons, and their reasons seem … well, reasonable. When someone tells me that the world is unsafe, and I drill down into why they think that, I always find an actually unsafe world. I listen to their story and I feel like if I myself had lived through that same story I would indeed see things the same way they’re seeing things.
>>And when someone instead tells me that people are basically kind and good, and life is full of wonder, that also seems true. The world really does just seem to actually be like that, for them! Consistently so! It’s rare that I get the sense that either of these two people is miscalibrated in their reaction to the sum of their experiences.
****
So that's the feeling that I had reading this book. It is horrible that this is the author's experience of the world. So many of the reactions that she describes gave me a very disquieting feeling, more than just the horror of sexual assault. The whole worldview that she describes even prior to being assaulted is very disquieting. There did not seem to be room for another experience of the world, and that some people don't react these ways. And I'm not talking about tonic immobility, which as I said, is so important that it be publicized. I'm talking about the underlying tones and vibes and feelings about life, about not making a fuss and not wanting to be rude that are part of a huge worldview tapestry. And that's where so many perpetrators strike.
The author discusses how this worldview and these reactions can be an outgrowth of patriarchy and how women behave this way because it is the most effective way to survive. Since this is so prevalent, I think it's very important that it be discussed.
If we learn one thing from this book it is that it needs to be publicized, far and wide, that "freeze" is an extremely common response to being sexually assaulted. Someone can be very much not wanting to be assaulted and yet be physically incapable of moving, resisting, speaking, crying out. Apparently a possum doesn't have control over when it plays dead; it just becomes immobile. All of law enforcement needs to know this, all lawyers need to know this, all juries need to know this, which means everybody needs to know this.
As far as the mixed bag part, I've been commenting as I read and I'll summarize some of my comments. I'm concerned about being callous to victims'/survivors' pain. I'm concerned about displaying a lack of understanding or compassion that people who experienced SA will find hurtful, and the last thing I want to do is cause pain. (One might think in that case I should shut my mouth now and stop writing.) 1) If you object to what I say or find it hurtful, comment and let me know. I am open to being edified. 2) There is something that struck me as I read this, and I want to remark on it. Again, what I say may be callous and hurtful, and I am open to learning better.
The beginning is painful reading. It's story after story of assault. I was expecting more of an analysis of why people do what they do in these situations and it was a litany of misery. I almost stopped there.
By 20% the analysis starts, and that was a long time.
52% I wondered my myofascial release is not discussed more.
64% it moved away from research and a factual tone and back into memoir processing tone
85% took a real left turn for me and I felt it undermined a lot of the other parts of the book.
Before I get into the funny feeling I had as I was reading this book, I want to say again how absolutely important the idea of tonic immobility is. I appreciate there being a book about this so much.
Now onward to the controversial portion of my review. As I was reading, I remembered some essays I read and went back to find the quotes from the essay/s, because it was so strongly twanging that same issue for me. Here are the quotes:
>>I run into a lot more people who’ve had, like, eleven-out-of-twelve romantic relationships turn out super fucked-up and abusive (or, alternatively, completely lovely and drama-free) than I do half-and-halfers. And the same is true for money problems and employment experiences and even (depressingly) stuff like health and healthcare.
>>(One of the more unsettling truths about the world we live in is that something in the vicinity of half of all rape victims will be victimized a second time, whereas the odds of being victimized in the first place (at least in America) are more like one in five. Some estimates even claim the rate of a second assault is as high as two-out-of-three. Rape and molestation are not random horrors; they are somehow concentrated within a certain swath of the population.)
****
>>To be clear: both of these different kinds of people believe what they believe for reasons, and their reasons seem … well, reasonable. When someone tells me that the world is unsafe, and I drill down into why they think that, I always find an actually unsafe world. I listen to their story and I feel like if I myself had lived through that same story I would indeed see things the same way they’re seeing things.
>>And when someone instead tells me that people are basically kind and good, and life is full of wonder, that also seems true. The world really does just seem to actually be like that, for them! Consistently so! It’s rare that I get the sense that either of these two people is miscalibrated in their reaction to the sum of their experiences.
****
So that's the feeling that I had reading this book. It is horrible that this is the author's experience of the world. So many of the reactions that she describes gave me a very disquieting feeling, more than just the horror of sexual assault. The whole worldview that she describes even prior to being assaulted is very disquieting. There did not seem to be room for another experience of the world, and that some people don't react these ways. And I'm not talking about tonic immobility, which as I said, is so important that it be publicized. I'm talking about the underlying tones and vibes and feelings about life, about not making a fuss and not wanting to be rude that are part of a huge worldview tapestry. And that's where so many perpetrators strike.
The author discusses how this worldview and these reactions can be an outgrowth of patriarchy and how women behave this way because it is the most effective way to survive. Since this is so prevalent, I think it's very important that it be discussed.
January 17, 2026
I feel less alone, but in a way that breaks my heart.
I read this book over the past week and I’ve felt like a shell the entire time. It’s a difficult read, but important. I’ve never read such raw, honest, and frank accounts of women’s sexual trauma.
A lot of messaging around sexual assault is basically just “It doesn’t matter what you were wearing, drinking, or doing; no means no!” And of course that’s true, but this book delves into the much more complicated reality of many women’s traumatizing sexual experiences. In many cases, women don’t say “no.” They freeze, disassociate, and “let” the assault happen.
It brought me back to a time when I was in a nightclub, dancing with a man who was being increasingly too touchy. I kept pushing his hands to more appropriate places, thinking that I would dance with him to the end of the song to be polite, even though I felt disgusted. He pulled down my top, exposing my chest and began groping and pinching my breasts in the middle of the crowd. I remember having the thought that I should push him away, should pull up my shirt, should feel embarrassed, but I felt frozen in place. I felt light, sedated, and dreamlike- detached from my body. It wasn’t until a friend stepped between us and said “are you okay?” that I returned to my body.
Another time, after a day of fighting and bickering, my boyfriend started touching me sexually. “Please, don’t.” I said, pushing his hands away from me. “Come on….” he said, moving them back to my body, more forcefully. I let my arms fall to my side, which he took as a “yes.” The rest of the encounter felt like a dream. I don’t remember getting into bed and felt a sort of sedated feeling, like I’d been injected with lidocaine. Afterwards, he asked if I liked it. He was enraged at the assertion that he had hurt me, asking me if I was planning to publicly falsely accuse him of assault to ruin his life out of spite.
I remember hearing a woman speak during my freshman year of college on tonic immobility and the “freeze” response during sexual assault. She argued that during sexual encounters, anything short of a “fuck yes” should be considered a “no.” She quickly shared that she was raped while she was in college, with glassy eyes and a tense, panicked expression. She said that she froze and wasn’t able to push him away. She said that the onus to prevent assault is always on the person initiating a sexual encounter, and the failure to get a “fuck yes” is a failure to verify consent, putting you at risk of being a sexual predator even if you never heard the word “no.” People in the room snickered. I empathized with the speaker, but I also thought it was a bit of a radical take. Surely humans are capable of inferring if their partner is “into it” without a verbal “fuck yes!”….. right? After reading this book, I would like to speak to that woman again and tell her that she was right. I’d like to tell her that she was brave for sharing her experience and strong for asserting that she couldn’t have stopped it due to her psychological response.
This book provides research based evidence to support her viewpoint. It also gives me hope that we could reduce sexual assault cases through education on tonic immobility, which I now realize is what she was trying to do. Perhaps if men understood how deeply psychologically damaging it is to be fucked while in a state of involuntary paralysis and disassociation, they would be more thoughtful? I don’t know.
I don’t know how to feel about the men who have traumatized me sexually. Are they gross perverts, or are they just uneducated? Were they wrong to take me standing there doing nothing as a “yes?” If they learned about the science behind the freeze response, would they view our encounters differently? I don’t know.
In some ways, I feel comforted by the knowledge of how common tonic immobility is. I feel less stupid, less weak, and less pathetic for my inability to say no, to scream, to fight physically. I’ve always been angry at myself for “allowing it to happen,” despite the fact that it didn’t even feel possible to move at the time.
Overall, I’m glad I read this book. There are many parts of this book where the author says that women are incapable of finding the worlds to describe their sexual assault. I felt the same way, but this book has given me the words. It has empowered me to feel less ashamed of how being assaulted has affected me. This book has both hurt and healed something in me. I hesitate to say it gave me clarity because my thoughts feel more complex than ever, but I feel grateful to be able to think them at all. I feel un-paralyzed. I’m thankful to the author for researching and writing this book, because I imagine it wasn’t easy. I’m going to be thinking about it for a long time.
I read this book over the past week and I’ve felt like a shell the entire time. It’s a difficult read, but important. I’ve never read such raw, honest, and frank accounts of women’s sexual trauma.
A lot of messaging around sexual assault is basically just “It doesn’t matter what you were wearing, drinking, or doing; no means no!” And of course that’s true, but this book delves into the much more complicated reality of many women’s traumatizing sexual experiences. In many cases, women don’t say “no.” They freeze, disassociate, and “let” the assault happen.
It brought me back to a time when I was in a nightclub, dancing with a man who was being increasingly too touchy. I kept pushing his hands to more appropriate places, thinking that I would dance with him to the end of the song to be polite, even though I felt disgusted. He pulled down my top, exposing my chest and began groping and pinching my breasts in the middle of the crowd. I remember having the thought that I should push him away, should pull up my shirt, should feel embarrassed, but I felt frozen in place. I felt light, sedated, and dreamlike- detached from my body. It wasn’t until a friend stepped between us and said “are you okay?” that I returned to my body.
Another time, after a day of fighting and bickering, my boyfriend started touching me sexually. “Please, don’t.” I said, pushing his hands away from me. “Come on….” he said, moving them back to my body, more forcefully. I let my arms fall to my side, which he took as a “yes.” The rest of the encounter felt like a dream. I don’t remember getting into bed and felt a sort of sedated feeling, like I’d been injected with lidocaine. Afterwards, he asked if I liked it. He was enraged at the assertion that he had hurt me, asking me if I was planning to publicly falsely accuse him of assault to ruin his life out of spite.
I remember hearing a woman speak during my freshman year of college on tonic immobility and the “freeze” response during sexual assault. She argued that during sexual encounters, anything short of a “fuck yes” should be considered a “no.” She quickly shared that she was raped while she was in college, with glassy eyes and a tense, panicked expression. She said that she froze and wasn’t able to push him away. She said that the onus to prevent assault is always on the person initiating a sexual encounter, and the failure to get a “fuck yes” is a failure to verify consent, putting you at risk of being a sexual predator even if you never heard the word “no.” People in the room snickered. I empathized with the speaker, but I also thought it was a bit of a radical take. Surely humans are capable of inferring if their partner is “into it” without a verbal “fuck yes!”….. right? After reading this book, I would like to speak to that woman again and tell her that she was right. I’d like to tell her that she was brave for sharing her experience and strong for asserting that she couldn’t have stopped it due to her psychological response.
This book provides research based evidence to support her viewpoint. It also gives me hope that we could reduce sexual assault cases through education on tonic immobility, which I now realize is what she was trying to do. Perhaps if men understood how deeply psychologically damaging it is to be fucked while in a state of involuntary paralysis and disassociation, they would be more thoughtful? I don’t know.
I don’t know how to feel about the men who have traumatized me sexually. Are they gross perverts, or are they just uneducated? Were they wrong to take me standing there doing nothing as a “yes?” If they learned about the science behind the freeze response, would they view our encounters differently? I don’t know.
In some ways, I feel comforted by the knowledge of how common tonic immobility is. I feel less stupid, less weak, and less pathetic for my inability to say no, to scream, to fight physically. I’ve always been angry at myself for “allowing it to happen,” despite the fact that it didn’t even feel possible to move at the time.
Overall, I’m glad I read this book. There are many parts of this book where the author says that women are incapable of finding the worlds to describe their sexual assault. I felt the same way, but this book has given me the words. It has empowered me to feel less ashamed of how being assaulted has affected me. This book has both hurt and healed something in me. I hesitate to say it gave me clarity because my thoughts feel more complex than ever, but I feel grateful to be able to think them at all. I feel un-paralyzed. I’m thankful to the author for researching and writing this book, because I imagine it wasn’t easy. I’m going to be thinking about it for a long time.
January 4, 2026
Jennifer Percy writes in a way where she shifts between long expanses of storytelling, regarding herself or others, and more informative, academic discussion and analysis of sexual assault and its residual traumas. In doing so, she carefully depicts her intended narratives and contexts, allowing the reader to piece together her relevant, yet creative metaphors without explicitly stating her point immediately. The memoir aspect of the book also allows readers’ emotional connection to build— humanizing and personalizing the topic tremendously.
Percy addresses important and underrepresented topics in the landscape of conversations surrounding, the experience of sexual violence, the responses to said violence, and the complex experiences of survivors after the fact. From addressing how much more common it is for women to respond with placating the person violating them, and why that is a more complex act of self-defense than most understand and know how to validate; biological reactions such as of ‘freezing’ , ‘tonic immobility’, and dissociation that many experience during an assault; hypersexuality; to events such as Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES), nightmares, and other intense panic episodes as a result of their bodies trying to cope with the traumas they’d experienced.
Throughout the book, Percy references numerous, detailed personal accounts of the various events and phenomena that she cites. Not only is this text incredibly informative for individuals trying to understand the complex dynamics at play that constitute a rape survivor’s experience, but it also acts as a validating tool for survivors themselves to understand their experience, feel seen, and not ‘wrong’ for how they reacted or were affected.
This book is a highly important read for anyone who has experienced sexual violence, knows someone who has, or has ever questioned why didn’t they ‘fight more’ or ‘scream’. Beyond that, this book is a necessary read for anyone who exists in a world where rape is a reality, therefore it is a necessary read for everyone. Still, this book is graphic, painful, and possibly an emotionally strenuous read, given the nature of the topic and the detail present in each individual’s story.
Percy addresses important and underrepresented topics in the landscape of conversations surrounding, the experience of sexual violence, the responses to said violence, and the complex experiences of survivors after the fact. From addressing how much more common it is for women to respond with placating the person violating them, and why that is a more complex act of self-defense than most understand and know how to validate; biological reactions such as of ‘freezing’ , ‘tonic immobility’, and dissociation that many experience during an assault; hypersexuality; to events such as Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES), nightmares, and other intense panic episodes as a result of their bodies trying to cope with the traumas they’d experienced.
Throughout the book, Percy references numerous, detailed personal accounts of the various events and phenomena that she cites. Not only is this text incredibly informative for individuals trying to understand the complex dynamics at play that constitute a rape survivor’s experience, but it also acts as a validating tool for survivors themselves to understand their experience, feel seen, and not ‘wrong’ for how they reacted or were affected.
This book is a highly important read for anyone who has experienced sexual violence, knows someone who has, or has ever questioned why didn’t they ‘fight more’ or ‘scream’. Beyond that, this book is a necessary read for anyone who exists in a world where rape is a reality, therefore it is a necessary read for everyone. Still, this book is graphic, painful, and possibly an emotionally strenuous read, given the nature of the topic and the detail present in each individual’s story.
January 22, 2026
An incredibly illuminating book as someone who has experienced sexual violence. I have suffered from PTSD since I was a teenager and the author shed light on many of my experiences that I have struggled to understand. The author writes in a non-linear format but in a manner that is captivating and compelling.
The title of this book of essay collections refers to tonic immobility, also known as the freeze response in fight, flight or freeze.
“What is tonic immobility? It's a temporary catatonic state that draws its evolutionary power from the fact that many predators seem hardwired to lose interest in dead prey, as their meat could harbor deadly bacteria. The response is often triggered by restraint, or when escape seems impossible, like the moment a squirrelis gripped by the talons of a hawk. Muscles go stiff, resembling rigor mortis. The body is numbed and extremities might tremble. It's an act of self- preservation that evolved to give prey one last chance at survival and to alleviate the agony and horror of being eaten alive. Animals may whimper, whereas humans can't speak, even if they try.”
This book elucidated why women often don’t fight back in cases of rape and also went into depth on complex trauma and dissociation, which are things I have struggled with.
In the United States we live in a rape culture where consent is rarely discussed and perpetrators are rarely prosecuted. The author discusses how having disorganized memories and being unable to remember details of the incident are used to dismiss victim’s testimonies as unreliable when these are common symptoms of trauma and dissociation from rape. Women are often asked why we didn’t fight back and the biological reason is that our bodies freeze just as if we were a prey animal.
This is important subject matter that is often brushed under the rug, as rape is considered such a taboo subject in most of the world.
I read this book in two sittings and I highly recommend reading it for anyone who feels healed enough to do so.
The title of this book of essay collections refers to tonic immobility, also known as the freeze response in fight, flight or freeze.
“What is tonic immobility? It's a temporary catatonic state that draws its evolutionary power from the fact that many predators seem hardwired to lose interest in dead prey, as their meat could harbor deadly bacteria. The response is often triggered by restraint, or when escape seems impossible, like the moment a squirrelis gripped by the talons of a hawk. Muscles go stiff, resembling rigor mortis. The body is numbed and extremities might tremble. It's an act of self- preservation that evolved to give prey one last chance at survival and to alleviate the agony and horror of being eaten alive. Animals may whimper, whereas humans can't speak, even if they try.”
This book elucidated why women often don’t fight back in cases of rape and also went into depth on complex trauma and dissociation, which are things I have struggled with.
In the United States we live in a rape culture where consent is rarely discussed and perpetrators are rarely prosecuted. The author discusses how having disorganized memories and being unable to remember details of the incident are used to dismiss victim’s testimonies as unreliable when these are common symptoms of trauma and dissociation from rape. Women are often asked why we didn’t fight back and the biological reason is that our bodies freeze just as if we were a prey animal.
This is important subject matter that is often brushed under the rug, as rape is considered such a taboo subject in most of the world.
I read this book in two sittings and I highly recommend reading it for anyone who feels healed enough to do so.
January 18, 2026
Super heavy read—any book on sexual violence would be, but this one focuses on some very complex, sad, and extreme stories, and is not interested in offering hope/redemption. That is brave and necessary, especially now, when the most common refrain around Me Too is that it went too far. I learned a lot and felt profound grief about a lot, too, especially about storytellings inability to rectify the wrongs done to the three Black women incarcerated for murder/violence in self defense. We are so not ready to do right by women and especially by black women. It was hard to figure out Percy’s relationship to the narrative, what the stakes were for her, as she was present to a large degree early on and then sort of faded into reportage mode. But regardless I think we’re indebted to her for her willingness to explore hard and heavy subjects that deserve attention and care, which she certainly gave them in spades.
January 10, 2026
4.5-5 star read. What was most grueling about this book was knowing that those in my life who might benefit the most from reading this would most likely be unable to read it because of how upsetting the contents of the book would be for them. This anecdotes were gripping, but what was most salient for me was the science, the behavioral research, and the legal and social implications. This should be required reading- I am shocked that I had never heard of tonic immobility or orgasts before this.
This book is filled with information that is helpful for any person navigating the world, sexuality, assault, coercion, shame, cruelty, or trauma.
This book is filled with information that is helpful for any person navigating the world, sexuality, assault, coercion, shame, cruelty, or trauma.
December 31, 2025
An article in The Atlantic recommended I read this book, which just came out, I think in November 2025. Within a day or two I had listened to the whole thing. It's well written, but also just simply very important. I hope this isn't really new information for most people. But it sets the facts straight about the "normal" way women respond to sexual assault, and it explains why so many women have not been believed for - well, forever.
January 7, 2026
“in metamorphoses, women often escaped rape by transformation. their bodies became horses, trees, lakes, reeds, frankincense. thetis became a tigress, philomela a nightingale, procne a swallow. syrinx became a reed, while calliston turned into a bear. cyane dissolved into a watery fountain that could no longer be held…it seems ironic that victims should be legally penalized for exhibiting a reaction that has such adaptive value and may be firmly embedded in the biology of our species.”
January 15, 2026
lots of really interesting stuff here, glad she included references so I can check some out. less investigative non-fiction/point a to point b and more of a collage following connections between biology, psychology, literature, myth, and law related to the female body under threat of sexual violence. Of course my scientific mind wants a single clear thesis, but I still found it to be an engaging and thought-provoking exploration.
January 7, 2026
This book was incredible. I'm a sexuality educator so I spend a lot of time in the space of thinking and teaching about consent and sexual assault, and this book just totally knocked me over. Content Warning over Content Warning as well. A brutal and powerful read!
January 14, 2026
This book is hard to truly rate, considering it’s a telling of true experiences.
However I can say a book has never made me feel more seen before. Jen Percy has a beautiful way of making these raw and horrible experiences seem human and not something to be ashamed of.
I completely expected this to be a hard read, and while it was, I think it was a necessary one.
However I can say a book has never made me feel more seen before. Jen Percy has a beautiful way of making these raw and horrible experiences seem human and not something to be ashamed of.
I completely expected this to be a hard read, and while it was, I think it was a necessary one.
January 27, 2026
I had to take some breaks while reading this because a lot of the material is triggering. But after finishing this, I feel so seen and understood in a way I haven’t since my own experience with this.
Read
December 27, 2025No rating due to content.
Girls Play Dead is masterpiece in explaining the reactions that some women may experience during sexual violence. Tonic immobility, in which a person will experience a ‘freeze’ response so severe it can take minutes to hours to come out of, was the main topic of discussion. Everyone should read this because it is having an important discussion about how victims don’t all behave the same way and “fight” back. It is pretty heavy material so definitely check trigger warnings!
Girls Play Dead is masterpiece in explaining the reactions that some women may experience during sexual violence. Tonic immobility, in which a person will experience a ‘freeze’ response so severe it can take minutes to hours to come out of, was the main topic of discussion. Everyone should read this because it is having an important discussion about how victims don’t all behave the same way and “fight” back. It is pretty heavy material so definitely check trigger warnings!
January 3, 2026
A searing, lyrical, empathetic investigative critique that challenges our long-held assumptions about how women respond to sexual violence.
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