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Diaper-Free Before 3: The Healthier Way to Toilet Train and Help Your Child Out of Diapers Sooner
Conventional wisdom tells parents that they should delay potty training to toddler age, and only after seeing signs of readiness. But is that really the best way?
In Diaper-Free Before 3 , Dr. Jill Lekovic presents the new case that early training—beginning as early as nine months olds—is natural, healthy, and beneficial for your child, based on medical evidence. By incoporating the potty into your child's routine early on, toilet training becomes far less stressful for both parent and child. Dr. Lekovic's method, which she has used successfully with her own kids and recommends to patients, helps children become better aware of their body's signals, boosts confidence, and decreases the risk of urinary health problems.
The guide includes informative chapters on bedwetting, accidents, and adapting the method for day care, special-needs children, and older toddlers. Offering a technique that really works and turns toilet training into a positive experience, Diaper-Free Before 3 is sure to become a new parenting classic.
In Diaper-Free Before 3 , Dr. Jill Lekovic presents the new case that early training—beginning as early as nine months olds—is natural, healthy, and beneficial for your child, based on medical evidence. By incoporating the potty into your child's routine early on, toilet training becomes far less stressful for both parent and child. Dr. Lekovic's method, which she has used successfully with her own kids and recommends to patients, helps children become better aware of their body's signals, boosts confidence, and decreases the risk of urinary health problems.
The guide includes informative chapters on bedwetting, accidents, and adapting the method for day care, special-needs children, and older toddlers. Offering a technique that really works and turns toilet training into a positive experience, Diaper-Free Before 3 is sure to become a new parenting classic.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
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214 people want to read
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July 10, 2011
I would give this book five stars for its ability to normalize infant potty training and to empower the parent or caregiver to put it into practice. However because of the author's tendency at times to use the book as her personal parenting soapbox and her failure to address an audience with diverse parenting styles, I lowered my rating to three stars.
Written by a pediatrician and grounded in research, this book had me convinced within a few chapters that infant toilet training was the most normal thing in the world. Though I read the book for practical reasons, my interest was piqued by the history and social context of toilet training and diaper use in the US. I was fascinated to learn that the age of initiation of toilet training gradually changed from one month in the early 20th century, to six months in the 1950s, to 18 months in the 1970s, to 24-30 months today. In non-Western cultures, the process for infants often begins within the first few weeks of life. Though the author recommends starting at six months, it is because she sees it at more practical in our modern society and not because younger infants are not capable. But the clear message is that beginning toilet training at age two or three, which is the norm in Western countries today, is actually only a very recent societal trend and it's possible to start at a much younger age.
It's important to clarify that the "training" referred to is not accomplished through any type of coercion or rewards system. In a nutshell, it is more of developing an association for the child between voiding and actually sitting on the toilet. When the child is young the caregiver pays attention to the baby's cues and patterns (for instance usually babies urinate soon after eating or waking up from sleep) and simply puts them on the toilet at those times, starting with just once or twice a day and gradually increasing. The caregiver makes it a positive experience by reading books with the child or giving them a favorite toy to play with while sitting on the toilet and makes it a built-in, matter-of-fact part of daily life just like getting dressed and eating breakfast. As the association builds the child will naturally wet her diaper less and less often.
The author effectively dispels the myths and articulates the benefits of early toilet training, and then goes on to provide very practical and straightforward instructions for how to actually accomplish it. She also provides helpful information about how children's bodies work and related medical issues such as urinary tract infections and constipation that all parents would benefit from, regardless of choice of toilet training method. As a reader I felt motivated and eager to start as soon as I could.
On the other hand, I was put off at a few points when the author took advantage of her captive audience to dispense her personal parenting advice which was only tenuously related to the topic of the book. A few examples are that she advocates cry-it-out sleep training, says that bottles and other comfort items should be cut off at age one, and devotes the entire epilogue to a critique of helicopter parenting. This is not only out of place and irritating but in some ways it is detrimental to her message, as it does not acknowledge a diverse audience of parents. For instance, she seems to assume that families bottle feed and only gives passing mention to breastfeeding. Her solution to nighttime bed wetting is to not allow fluid intake in the evening. For parents who nurse or bottle feed their children to sleep (let alone nurse/feed in the middle of the night) she offers no advice except "don't do it." She also does not differentiate clearly between breastmilk and cow's milk in her discussion of the role of milk in constipation. She dismisses the use of cloth diapers as too much of an inconvenience, which not only perpetuates this cultural myth but is inconsistent with the rest of her philosophy about toilet training (as she states in many places how disposable diapers are unhelpful in toilet training because the child does not feel wet in them.) While these views may appeal to a mainstream audience that formula feeds and uses disposable diapers, in the same breath she alienates (or at least fails to address the practical concerns of) parents who breastfeed, nurse to sleep, or use cloth diapers. In short, while the core of this book is solid, some parts of what she says or fails to say are too heavily influenced by her own personal parenting experiences and thus not broad enough for a diverse audience.
My final critique of this book is that it offers no advice for parents who want to begin toilet training before the age of six months. I have also begun to read Infant Potty Training by Laurie Boucke which explains how to do this from birth and considers babies over six months to be "late starters." Though I haven't finished that book yet I can already say that while it seems to be solid in both research and detailed practical advice, it definitely leaves me with the impression that it is a very alternative practice, whereas Diaper-Free Before 3 makes me feel like it is normal, mainstream, and uncomplicated. Ultimately I'm glad I am reading both books as they seem to complement each other. Other books on infant toilet training include The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative by Christine Gross-Loh and Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer. Whatever you read, the take-home message is that infant toilet training is normal and healthy and requires only a few basic instructions and principles to get started. I'm glad I am learning about this topic and am enjoying accompanying my baby in the process of learning to use the toilet!
Written by a pediatrician and grounded in research, this book had me convinced within a few chapters that infant toilet training was the most normal thing in the world. Though I read the book for practical reasons, my interest was piqued by the history and social context of toilet training and diaper use in the US. I was fascinated to learn that the age of initiation of toilet training gradually changed from one month in the early 20th century, to six months in the 1950s, to 18 months in the 1970s, to 24-30 months today. In non-Western cultures, the process for infants often begins within the first few weeks of life. Though the author recommends starting at six months, it is because she sees it at more practical in our modern society and not because younger infants are not capable. But the clear message is that beginning toilet training at age two or three, which is the norm in Western countries today, is actually only a very recent societal trend and it's possible to start at a much younger age.
It's important to clarify that the "training" referred to is not accomplished through any type of coercion or rewards system. In a nutshell, it is more of developing an association for the child between voiding and actually sitting on the toilet. When the child is young the caregiver pays attention to the baby's cues and patterns (for instance usually babies urinate soon after eating or waking up from sleep) and simply puts them on the toilet at those times, starting with just once or twice a day and gradually increasing. The caregiver makes it a positive experience by reading books with the child or giving them a favorite toy to play with while sitting on the toilet and makes it a built-in, matter-of-fact part of daily life just like getting dressed and eating breakfast. As the association builds the child will naturally wet her diaper less and less often.
The author effectively dispels the myths and articulates the benefits of early toilet training, and then goes on to provide very practical and straightforward instructions for how to actually accomplish it. She also provides helpful information about how children's bodies work and related medical issues such as urinary tract infections and constipation that all parents would benefit from, regardless of choice of toilet training method. As a reader I felt motivated and eager to start as soon as I could.
On the other hand, I was put off at a few points when the author took advantage of her captive audience to dispense her personal parenting advice which was only tenuously related to the topic of the book. A few examples are that she advocates cry-it-out sleep training, says that bottles and other comfort items should be cut off at age one, and devotes the entire epilogue to a critique of helicopter parenting. This is not only out of place and irritating but in some ways it is detrimental to her message, as it does not acknowledge a diverse audience of parents. For instance, she seems to assume that families bottle feed and only gives passing mention to breastfeeding. Her solution to nighttime bed wetting is to not allow fluid intake in the evening. For parents who nurse or bottle feed their children to sleep (let alone nurse/feed in the middle of the night) she offers no advice except "don't do it." She also does not differentiate clearly between breastmilk and cow's milk in her discussion of the role of milk in constipation. She dismisses the use of cloth diapers as too much of an inconvenience, which not only perpetuates this cultural myth but is inconsistent with the rest of her philosophy about toilet training (as she states in many places how disposable diapers are unhelpful in toilet training because the child does not feel wet in them.) While these views may appeal to a mainstream audience that formula feeds and uses disposable diapers, in the same breath she alienates (or at least fails to address the practical concerns of) parents who breastfeed, nurse to sleep, or use cloth diapers. In short, while the core of this book is solid, some parts of what she says or fails to say are too heavily influenced by her own personal parenting experiences and thus not broad enough for a diverse audience.
My final critique of this book is that it offers no advice for parents who want to begin toilet training before the age of six months. I have also begun to read Infant Potty Training by Laurie Boucke which explains how to do this from birth and considers babies over six months to be "late starters." Though I haven't finished that book yet I can already say that while it seems to be solid in both research and detailed practical advice, it definitely leaves me with the impression that it is a very alternative practice, whereas Diaper-Free Before 3 makes me feel like it is normal, mainstream, and uncomplicated. Ultimately I'm glad I am reading both books as they seem to complement each other. Other books on infant toilet training include The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative by Christine Gross-Loh and Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer. Whatever you read, the take-home message is that infant toilet training is normal and healthy and requires only a few basic instructions and principles to get started. I'm glad I am learning about this topic and am enjoying accompanying my baby in the process of learning to use the toilet!
Read
February 1, 2011I recently toured the Montessori school that my son will be attending when he turns 2, and one of the things that surprised me is that the school is entirely diaper free ... even for the youngest children, who are 18 months old. The little ones still have accidents and need to be changed constantly, but being diaper free makes them much more aware of their bodily functions than wearing a diaper. I haven't thought much about toilet training, as my only frame of reference is my nephew, who wasn't toilet trained until he was over 2.5 yrs old. So I picked up this book to read more about early toilet training ... the methods and why of it. Well, the beginning of the book contains an interesting history of toilet training. Particularly interesting is the fact that, prior to the 1950, the average age of toilet training introduction was between 12-18 months, with majority of kids trained by 2 years old. With the introduction of disposable diapers, new philosophies came about, and now the average age of of kids being toilet trained is closer to 3 years old.
The method of training is something that seems really natural to me ... making visits to the toilet part of the daily routine. No gold stars for going in the toilet, no shame tactics of "babies wear diapers, you aren't a baby, are you?" My husband thinks early toilet training is pressuring kids to learn to use the toilet before they are ready. After reading this book, I don't think that's the case. It's more about making the use of the toilet part of the natural routine of the day. There's no pressure for "success." I haven't yet tried any of these methods, so full review to come at a later time.
The method of training is something that seems really natural to me ... making visits to the toilet part of the daily routine. No gold stars for going in the toilet, no shame tactics of "babies wear diapers, you aren't a baby, are you?" My husband thinks early toilet training is pressuring kids to learn to use the toilet before they are ready. After reading this book, I don't think that's the case. It's more about making the use of the toilet part of the natural routine of the day. There's no pressure for "success." I haven't yet tried any of these methods, so full review to come at a later time.
February 27, 2016
Here's my conclusion after reading several potty-training books. I think that no matter what you do, there is a very good chance that potty-training is going to be a long time commitment and huge hassle. You can do the work in the beginning (EC, from birth to possibly only up to a year), the middle (early potty-training, from 6mo to 2 years), or the end (after 2 years). With my twins, I waited until the end, because people told me to "wait until they're ready" and basically they would train themselves. Well, the kids are a few months away from 3, it's been a mess of toddler power struggles, and they still aren't really potty-trained yet (one of them is still peeing her pants regularly). At this point it's obviously a mental problem rather than one of physical readiness, which is a bit aggravating because they have proved they CAN do it and for some reason now just won't.
But obviously it's an individual choice to decide when a person wants to put in the work of potty-training. Therefore, here are my recommendations:
If you have a new baby and are intrigued by the idea of EC, I recommend:
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer - makes elimination communication sound very appealing, although a heavy up-front commitment.
The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative by Christine Gross-Loh - Explains that even doing EC part-time can show great benefits, and gives stress-free, practical ways to make EC fit into your busy life.
If you are interested in early potty-training and avoiding toddler power-struggles, I recommend:
Diaper-Free Before 3: The Healthier Way to Toilet Train and Help Your Child Out of Diapers Sooner by Jill M. Lekovic. I appreciated the scientific studies and medical evidence that supports early potty-training. I actually think this might be the easiest way and it's what I'm doing with kid #3. If it works for my newest bub, I will start giving this book out at baby showers, with the caveat that the author is totally wrong about cloth diapers. (She knows that cloth diapers with natural fibers such as cotton against baby's bum are conducive to early potty-training because baby will feel the wetness when peeing. However, she still advises against cloth diapers because she thinks they're a big pain and don't really help the environment—when in fact they aren't a big deal and hugely save the environment AND a ton of money.) But besides that, this book is crammed with good stuff and it's my fave.
If your kid is already 2 or over, I recommend:
Oh Crap! Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki. This book described my toddler twins to an absolute T and really helped me. I wish I'd discovered it six months earlier than I did. It's very funny and for my children at least it was eerily accurate. Huge recommendation to anyone starting with a toddler—read this ASAP!
But obviously it's an individual choice to decide when a person wants to put in the work of potty-training. Therefore, here are my recommendations:
If you have a new baby and are intrigued by the idea of EC, I recommend:
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer - makes elimination communication sound very appealing, although a heavy up-front commitment.
The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative by Christine Gross-Loh - Explains that even doing EC part-time can show great benefits, and gives stress-free, practical ways to make EC fit into your busy life.
If you are interested in early potty-training and avoiding toddler power-struggles, I recommend:
Diaper-Free Before 3: The Healthier Way to Toilet Train and Help Your Child Out of Diapers Sooner by Jill M. Lekovic. I appreciated the scientific studies and medical evidence that supports early potty-training. I actually think this might be the easiest way and it's what I'm doing with kid #3. If it works for my newest bub, I will start giving this book out at baby showers, with the caveat that the author is totally wrong about cloth diapers. (She knows that cloth diapers with natural fibers such as cotton against baby's bum are conducive to early potty-training because baby will feel the wetness when peeing. However, she still advises against cloth diapers because she thinks they're a big pain and don't really help the environment—when in fact they aren't a big deal and hugely save the environment AND a ton of money.) But besides that, this book is crammed with good stuff and it's my fave.
If your kid is already 2 or over, I recommend:
Oh Crap! Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki. This book described my toddler twins to an absolute T and really helped me. I wish I'd discovered it six months earlier than I did. It's very funny and for my children at least it was eerily accurate. Huge recommendation to anyone starting with a toddler—read this ASAP!
January 29, 2014
I think the technique explained in this book is probably good and I will certainly attempt to implement it. Unfortunately it seemed like the actual procedure was hidden amongst the rest of the book. I loved that the author put in tons of research and shared the history of toilet training and why to try her method, it was very convincing and interesting to me. Perhaps she could put a giant arrow pointing to a single chapter where all her recommendations are contained, so readers who don't want the history or parents who want to refer back to the instructions could skip straight onto.
Confession: I'm not sure when, but I know I have read this book before. The second time reading it was just as helpful.
Confession: I'm not sure when, but I know I have read this book before. The second time reading it was just as helpful.
February 3, 2013
A strategy for potty training that sounds foolproof. Great. But why does this book use 88% of the written words to justify why you need to potty train earlier. Give me the strategy, and maybe a bit of history, but if I am reading it, I have already bought into the idea so shut up about that already.
May 1, 2017
I got this out from the library because a few months ago my precocious 1 1/2 year old started telling us when she was pooping. We've always been able to tell when she poops, but the fact that she was able to verbalize that she was pooping signified to me that maybe we need to start introducing her to the potty. We started sitting her on the potty, still fully-clothed and in her diaper, when she told us she was pooping, just to start associating the related actions of having to poop and going to the potty. Then I was wondering how to make the shift to any sort of potty training routine, rather than just associating "poop" and "potty." I was wary of the "potty train your child in 3 days--it will be awful and horribly traumatic and you have to cancel everything in your life for those days and you will have poop and pee all over your house but at the end you will not have to buy any more diapers!" approaches. I read a little bit about the Montessori approach to potty training, liked the sound of it, and found this as a recommended book for that approach.
I skimmed for the parts that were most relevant to practical toilet training, and unfortunately these were few and far between. The first part of the book is spent giving the history of potty training, and it is slightly interesting to learn that the generally accepted age to begin potty training has delayed over the years, but knowing the history and not being a cloth-diaper user made this part pretty irrelevant to me. Another big part of the book is spent explaining the research supporting starting potty training early. Again, something I appreciate but not exactly practical. Also, I have a big beef with many parenting books not defining what they mean by "early" and "late" (sleep training books are awful about this). It wasn't until page 78, the last page of the section about the history and research, that the author gives a chart of potty training stages and rough age windows for each stage. At some points I was concerned that we were late in just now introducing our 18 month old to using the potty, and at other points I felt relieved that maybe we were early enough to avoid all the doom-and-gloom of starting too late that the author loves to ring the alarm bells for. The latter section of the book addresses common problems and also training children with special needs. That leaves a skimpy middle section of practicality for the actual training part.
That middle section can basically be summed up with: First, Make sitting on the potty a part of the daily routine, just as washing hands before eating is a part of the daily routine or putting toys away before bed. This part of the routine can be introduced around 6 months, when babies are able to sit up, and thus sit on a training potty. Second, switch the child out to training pants or underwear so that they can feel the sensation of voiding easier than when wearing a disposable diaper. Then, eventually, all this is supposed to magically fall into place and the child will be able to use the potty at set times and also take herself when she needs to go. Not really sure about that last part.
I like the emphasis on the child's independence as well as the daily routine expectation (thus avoiding shaming and/or coercion with rewards), however it's something that we were already starting to implement without this book. The main useful thing I learned was that children should have their own training potty, because they need to be able to have their feet on the floor in order to push out their bowel movements. We were leaning toward just using a cushion-insert for the normal toilet, but that made sense to me so we bought a training potty in addition to the cushion insert. (Fun fact: My daughter actually likes the cushion insert better because it's not cold on her tushie.)
What really irked me, however, was the lengthy description the author provides of a society free of Western influence in which the culture of child-rearing focuses on constant contact with the caregiver and, thus, the caregiver's knowledge of the baby's physical and emotional needs. Babies in this society are potty trained quite early. The caregiver is supposed to know the baby's natural rhythm for voiding and therefore be able to know when to send them to the potty. As a result, an "accident" is the fault of the caregiver not being connected enough with the baby in order to get him what he needed on time. This society is lauded as the ideal way to potty train. Forget about working mothers, daycare, siblings, etc. Fast forward some pages, and the author laughs at parents who insist that their child can't sleep anywhere but in the parent's bed, dismissing this notion as "ridiculous." I'm sorry, but if this ideal toilet training society is based on constant contact with the care-giver, wouldn't co-sleeping be a part of that ideal? Can we really just pluck out one aspect of a culture and expect it to work in another culture, isolated from all the other cultural influences that make it work? Sure, perhaps the notion that a child "can't" sleep outside the parents' bed is ridiculous, but the sense I got was that the author finds co-sleeping to be an indulgence. The idealization of non-Western culture and the lack of attention to the fact that the audience comes from and exists within the influence of Western culture is a theme I find annoying in many parenting books, including this one.
I skimmed for the parts that were most relevant to practical toilet training, and unfortunately these were few and far between. The first part of the book is spent giving the history of potty training, and it is slightly interesting to learn that the generally accepted age to begin potty training has delayed over the years, but knowing the history and not being a cloth-diaper user made this part pretty irrelevant to me. Another big part of the book is spent explaining the research supporting starting potty training early. Again, something I appreciate but not exactly practical. Also, I have a big beef with many parenting books not defining what they mean by "early" and "late" (sleep training books are awful about this). It wasn't until page 78, the last page of the section about the history and research, that the author gives a chart of potty training stages and rough age windows for each stage. At some points I was concerned that we were late in just now introducing our 18 month old to using the potty, and at other points I felt relieved that maybe we were early enough to avoid all the doom-and-gloom of starting too late that the author loves to ring the alarm bells for. The latter section of the book addresses common problems and also training children with special needs. That leaves a skimpy middle section of practicality for the actual training part.
That middle section can basically be summed up with: First, Make sitting on the potty a part of the daily routine, just as washing hands before eating is a part of the daily routine or putting toys away before bed. This part of the routine can be introduced around 6 months, when babies are able to sit up, and thus sit on a training potty. Second, switch the child out to training pants or underwear so that they can feel the sensation of voiding easier than when wearing a disposable diaper. Then, eventually, all this is supposed to magically fall into place and the child will be able to use the potty at set times and also take herself when she needs to go. Not really sure about that last part.
I like the emphasis on the child's independence as well as the daily routine expectation (thus avoiding shaming and/or coercion with rewards), however it's something that we were already starting to implement without this book. The main useful thing I learned was that children should have their own training potty, because they need to be able to have their feet on the floor in order to push out their bowel movements. We were leaning toward just using a cushion-insert for the normal toilet, but that made sense to me so we bought a training potty in addition to the cushion insert. (Fun fact: My daughter actually likes the cushion insert better because it's not cold on her tushie.)
What really irked me, however, was the lengthy description the author provides of a society free of Western influence in which the culture of child-rearing focuses on constant contact with the caregiver and, thus, the caregiver's knowledge of the baby's physical and emotional needs. Babies in this society are potty trained quite early. The caregiver is supposed to know the baby's natural rhythm for voiding and therefore be able to know when to send them to the potty. As a result, an "accident" is the fault of the caregiver not being connected enough with the baby in order to get him what he needed on time. This society is lauded as the ideal way to potty train. Forget about working mothers, daycare, siblings, etc. Fast forward some pages, and the author laughs at parents who insist that their child can't sleep anywhere but in the parent's bed, dismissing this notion as "ridiculous." I'm sorry, but if this ideal toilet training society is based on constant contact with the care-giver, wouldn't co-sleeping be a part of that ideal? Can we really just pluck out one aspect of a culture and expect it to work in another culture, isolated from all the other cultural influences that make it work? Sure, perhaps the notion that a child "can't" sleep outside the parents' bed is ridiculous, but the sense I got was that the author finds co-sleeping to be an indulgence. The idealization of non-Western culture and the lack of attention to the fact that the audience comes from and exists within the influence of Western culture is a theme I find annoying in many parenting books, including this one.
January 9, 2011
I would give this book five stars for its ability to normalize infant potty training and to empower the parent or caregiver to put it into practice. However because of the author's tendency at times to use the book as her personal parenting soapbox and her failure to address an audience with diverse parenting styles, I lowered my rating to three stars.
Written by a pediatrician and grounded in research, this book had me convinced within a few chapters that infant toilet training was the most normal thing in the world. Though I read the book for practical reasons, my interest was piqued by the history and social context of toilet training and diaper use in the US. I was fascinated to learn that the age of initiation of toilet training gradually changed from one month in the early 20th century, to six months in the 1950s, to 18 months in the 1970s, to 24-30 months today. In non-Western cultures, the process for infants often begins within the first few weeks of life. Though the author recommends starting at six months, it is because she sees it at more practical in our modern society and not because younger infants are not capable. But the clear message is that beginning toilet training at age two or three, which is the norm in Western countries today, is actually only a very recent societal trend and it's possible to start at a much younger age.
It's important to clarify that the "training" referred to is not accomplished through any type of coercion or rewards system. In a nutshell, it is more of developing an association for the child between voiding and actually sitting on the toilet. When the child is young the caregiver pays attention to the baby's cues and patterns (for instance usually babies urinate soon after eating or waking up from sleep) and simply puts them on the toilet at those times, starting with just once or twice a day and gradually increasing. The caregiver makes it a positive experience by reading books with the child or giving them a favorite toy to play with while sitting on the toilet and makes it a built-in, matter-of-fact part of daily life just like getting dressed and eating breakfast. As the association builds the child will naturally wet her diaper less and less often.
The author effectively dispels the myths and articulates the benefits of early toilet training, and then goes on to provide very practical and straightforward instructions for how to actually accomplish it. She also provides helpful information about how children's bodies work and related medical issues such as urinary tract infections and constipation that all parents would benefit from, regardless of choice of toilet training method. As a reader I felt motivated and eager to start as soon as I could.
On the other hand, I was put off at a few points when the author took advantage of her captive audience to dispense her personal parenting advice which was only tenuously related to the topic of the book. A few examples are that she advocates cry-it-out sleep training, says that bottles and other comfort items should be cut off at age one, and devotes the entire epilogue to a critique of helicopter parenting. This is not only out of place and irritating but in some ways it is detrimental to her message, as it does not acknowledge a diverse audience of parents. For instance, she seems to assume that families bottle feed and only gives passing mention to breastfeeding. Her solution to nighttime bed wetting is to not allow fluid intake in the evening. For parents who nurse or bottle feed their children to sleep (let alone nurse/feed in the middle of the night) she offers no advice except "don't do it." She also does not differentiate clearly between breastmilk and cow's milk in her discussion of the role of milk in constipation. She dismisses the use of cloth diapers as too much of an inconvenience, which not only perpetuates this cultural myth but is inconsistent with the rest of her philosophy about toilet training (as she states in many places how disposable diapers are unhelpful in toilet training because the child does not feel wet in them.) While these views may appeal to a mainstream audience that formula feeds and uses disposable diapers, in the same breath she alienates (or at least fails to address the practical concerns of) parents who breastfeed, nurse to sleep, or use cloth diapers. In short, while the core of this book is solid, some parts of what she says or fails to say are too heavily influenced by her own personal parenting experiences and thus not broad enough for a diverse audience.
My final critique of this book is that it offers no advice for parents who want to begin toilet training before the age of six months. I have also begun to read Infant Potty Training by Laurie Boucke which explains how to do this from birth and considers babies over six months to be "late starters." Though I haven't finished that book yet I can already say that while it seems to be solid in both research and detailed practical advice, it definitely leaves me with the impression that it is a very alternative practice, whereas Diaper-Free Before 3 makes me feel like it is normal, mainstream, and uncomplicated. Ultimately I'm glad I am reading both books as they seem to complement each other. Other books on infant toilet training include The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative by Christine Gross-Loh and Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer. Whatever you read, the take-home message is that infant toilet training is normal and healthy and requires only a few basic instructions and principles to get started. I'm glad I am learning about this topic and am enjoying accompanying my baby in the process of learning to use the toilet!
Written by a pediatrician and grounded in research, this book had me convinced within a few chapters that infant toilet training was the most normal thing in the world. Though I read the book for practical reasons, my interest was piqued by the history and social context of toilet training and diaper use in the US. I was fascinated to learn that the age of initiation of toilet training gradually changed from one month in the early 20th century, to six months in the 1950s, to 18 months in the 1970s, to 24-30 months today. In non-Western cultures, the process for infants often begins within the first few weeks of life. Though the author recommends starting at six months, it is because she sees it at more practical in our modern society and not because younger infants are not capable. But the clear message is that beginning toilet training at age two or three, which is the norm in Western countries today, is actually only a very recent societal trend and it's possible to start at a much younger age.
It's important to clarify that the "training" referred to is not accomplished through any type of coercion or rewards system. In a nutshell, it is more of developing an association for the child between voiding and actually sitting on the toilet. When the child is young the caregiver pays attention to the baby's cues and patterns (for instance usually babies urinate soon after eating or waking up from sleep) and simply puts them on the toilet at those times, starting with just once or twice a day and gradually increasing. The caregiver makes it a positive experience by reading books with the child or giving them a favorite toy to play with while sitting on the toilet and makes it a built-in, matter-of-fact part of daily life just like getting dressed and eating breakfast. As the association builds the child will naturally wet her diaper less and less often.
The author effectively dispels the myths and articulates the benefits of early toilet training, and then goes on to provide very practical and straightforward instructions for how to actually accomplish it. She also provides helpful information about how children's bodies work and related medical issues such as urinary tract infections and constipation that all parents would benefit from, regardless of choice of toilet training method. As a reader I felt motivated and eager to start as soon as I could.
On the other hand, I was put off at a few points when the author took advantage of her captive audience to dispense her personal parenting advice which was only tenuously related to the topic of the book. A few examples are that she advocates cry-it-out sleep training, says that bottles and other comfort items should be cut off at age one, and devotes the entire epilogue to a critique of helicopter parenting. This is not only out of place and irritating but in some ways it is detrimental to her message, as it does not acknowledge a diverse audience of parents. For instance, she seems to assume that families bottle feed and only gives passing mention to breastfeeding. Her solution to nighttime bed wetting is to not allow fluid intake in the evening. For parents who nurse or bottle feed their children to sleep (let alone nurse/feed in the middle of the night) she offers no advice except "don't do it." She also does not differentiate clearly between breastmilk and cow's milk in her discussion of the role of milk in constipation. She dismisses the use of cloth diapers as too much of an inconvenience, which not only perpetuates this cultural myth but is inconsistent with the rest of her philosophy about toilet training (as she states in many places how disposable diapers are unhelpful in toilet training because the child does not feel wet in them.) While these views may appeal to a mainstream audience that formula feeds and uses disposable diapers, in the same breath she alienates (or at least fails to address the practical concerns of) parents who breastfeed, nurse to sleep, or use cloth diapers. In short, while the core of this book is solid, some parts of what she says or fails to say are too heavily influenced by her own personal parenting experiences and thus not broad enough for a diverse audience.
My final critique of this book is that it offers no advice for parents who want to begin toilet training before the age of six months. I have also begun to read Infant Potty Training by Laurie Boucke which explains how to do this from birth and considers babies over six months to be "late starters." Though I haven't finished that book yet I can already say that while it seems to be solid in both research and detailed practical advice, it definitely leaves me with the impression that it is a very alternative practice, whereas Diaper-Free Before 3 makes me feel like it is normal, mainstream, and uncomplicated. Ultimately I'm glad I am reading both books as they seem to complement each other. Other books on infant toilet training include The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative by Christine Gross-Loh and Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer. Whatever you read, the take-home message is that infant toilet training is normal and healthy and requires only a few basic instructions and principles to get started. I'm glad I am learning about this topic and am enjoying accompanying my baby in the process of learning to use the toilet!
August 13, 2022
This book has already helped us set Felicien and ourselves up for success. It is also very aligned with the Montessori philosophy. I loved her epilogue encouraging parents to not fear placing expectations on their child, even at a young age. It was very inspirational.
February 6, 2023
Really great, quick read. Encouraging to think about potty training this way!
Alt: Y r doctor’s still telling ppl potty training before 2 is bad 🙃🧐
Alt: Y r doctor’s still telling ppl potty training before 2 is bad 🙃🧐
May 2, 2011
UPDATE: Just as Dr. Lekovic predicts in her book, we have found our son becoming more and more reliably dry as he approaches his 2nd birthday. I appreciate this book more than ever. It's breezy and memorable enough that when I need reminders or inspiration, I know exactly what section to flip to.
Now that I'm somewhat removed from our potty training heydays, I see that I agree with many critiques from my fellow GoodRead-ers. I still think this book is the bomb. Without it, we had no support or information from anyone who believed it would be beneficial to potty train before two. If you feel alone in your journey to introduce the potty before age two, this is your book.
*****
I read very few "mommy" books. Like many parents, I tend to choose books that preach to my choir. This book assured me that we're on the right track, and gave me goals to take what we were doing to a next step.
I bought my son a potty before he was 1. I put him on the potty rarely until one day he pooped in it, and I was hooked. Then I read this book when he was 16 months old. I have heard all the counter-arguments the author mentions: that by starting early, you're just "training the parents;" that early starts just add time to your potty training years, etc. The author debunks those wacky statements.
I had been discouraged about starting early because my son is in day care full-time. I wasn't sure how to get buy-in at the day care about training someone who is physically too small to sit on an adult toilet (their criterion). Thanks to Dr. Lekovic's book and her personal encouragement via email, we made potty a regular part of our routine at home, and I convinced the day care to buy an adapter seat so my son could use their toilet comfortably and safely. (I now have even more envy of the Montessori experience, after having read in the book and in a comment here that they don't do diapers.)
Parents of children aged two and older may be frustrated or discouraged as they recognize their situations in some unfortunate vignettes. They are not the target audience. But they may find some help here anyhow.
The author has some minor misconceptions about cloth diapers: that they're inconvenient, and that children in cloth consistently object to feeling wet and rash up when they're not changed promptly. Parents who've been successful with cloth will disagree. (Her comments are not critiques of cloth, but, rather, are presented as possible reasons why cloth-diapered babies could train faster.) And her advice in a later chapter on the detriments of bottle feeding leaves breast-feeders out of the equation. But, as I do with many parenting books or advice of any kind, I ignored what didn't apply.
I read this book in a day. I recommend it for anyone who has questioned the current prevailing opinion that children need to be verbal before they potty train.
Now that I'm somewhat removed from our potty training heydays, I see that I agree with many critiques from my fellow GoodRead-ers. I still think this book is the bomb. Without it, we had no support or information from anyone who believed it would be beneficial to potty train before two. If you feel alone in your journey to introduce the potty before age two, this is your book.
*****
I read very few "mommy" books. Like many parents, I tend to choose books that preach to my choir. This book assured me that we're on the right track, and gave me goals to take what we were doing to a next step.
I bought my son a potty before he was 1. I put him on the potty rarely until one day he pooped in it, and I was hooked. Then I read this book when he was 16 months old. I have heard all the counter-arguments the author mentions: that by starting early, you're just "training the parents;" that early starts just add time to your potty training years, etc. The author debunks those wacky statements.
I had been discouraged about starting early because my son is in day care full-time. I wasn't sure how to get buy-in at the day care about training someone who is physically too small to sit on an adult toilet (their criterion). Thanks to Dr. Lekovic's book and her personal encouragement via email, we made potty a regular part of our routine at home, and I convinced the day care to buy an adapter seat so my son could use their toilet comfortably and safely. (I now have even more envy of the Montessori experience, after having read in the book and in a comment here that they don't do diapers.)
Parents of children aged two and older may be frustrated or discouraged as they recognize their situations in some unfortunate vignettes. They are not the target audience. But they may find some help here anyhow.
The author has some minor misconceptions about cloth diapers: that they're inconvenient, and that children in cloth consistently object to feeling wet and rash up when they're not changed promptly. Parents who've been successful with cloth will disagree. (Her comments are not critiques of cloth, but, rather, are presented as possible reasons why cloth-diapered babies could train faster.) And her advice in a later chapter on the detriments of bottle feeding leaves breast-feeders out of the equation. But, as I do with many parenting books or advice of any kind, I ignored what didn't apply.
I read this book in a day. I recommend it for anyone who has questioned the current prevailing opinion that children need to be verbal before they potty train.
December 2, 2015
A good overview of introducing potty learning early. As a Montessori teacher, I appreciate the information based on that philosophy. I also enjoyed reading about the history of toileting and how it is approached in other cultures as well as the science behind it. I love that there is a bibliography, however I wish they were footnoted (not sure if that is the right word) so that you know what research goes with what information. I also wish there was a little more detail on how to handle different situations.
March 1, 2011
Very quick and easy reference book. It's less hardcore than I initially believed and really appreciated the history and background included about toilet training in general. *shakes fist at diaper companies* Very helpful!
October 15, 2019
I really liked this book, and have already recommended it to two people.
Evidence base! Literature review! Some cross cultural research! Part I is so interesting!
But, I will admit I skipped that part at first and went straight to the “how to” section. It really isn’t a very complicated plan, but I really like her pieces of advice on how to practically apply early toilet awareness and training. I am clearly convinced; we started putting our twins on the potty immediately and they are doing great!
I found the goodreads reviews really helpful and spot on - she has a strange attitude toward cloth diapers, blind spot for breastfeeding mothers, and mentions nothing about elimination communication (EC), but it is an old copyright date, so I can forgive those small things.
Don’t let her feel bad if your toddler is older and you haven’t started as early as her age ranges say - this is a great method to start with if you haven’t started at all!
Evidence base! Literature review! Some cross cultural research! Part I is so interesting!
But, I will admit I skipped that part at first and went straight to the “how to” section. It really isn’t a very complicated plan, but I really like her pieces of advice on how to practically apply early toilet awareness and training. I am clearly convinced; we started putting our twins on the potty immediately and they are doing great!
I found the goodreads reviews really helpful and spot on - she has a strange attitude toward cloth diapers, blind spot for breastfeeding mothers, and mentions nothing about elimination communication (EC), but it is an old copyright date, so I can forgive those small things.
Don’t let her feel bad if your toddler is older and you haven’t started as early as her age ranges say - this is a great method to start with if you haven’t started at all!
August 9, 2018
I appreciated learning some of the medical consequences of starting toilet training as late as today's standard is. I felt like the plan wasn't descriptive enough for me to really decide when during the daily schedule to put my child on the toilet, how to deal with resistance to sitting on the toilet and at what age to transition out of diapers at night. Most of this information I already learned from The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood and that book has more examples and explains things like how long after a child eats or drinks he is likely to eliminate.
June 6, 2018
This is a good book, but "toilet training" doesn't mean your kid is going to be out of diapers at 18 months. It means starting to normalize the toilet as part of their daily routine, with the goal of building up slowly to full independence. It takes longer and is a hassle for longer, but it bypasses the power struggle of introducing your 2-year-old to a brand new requirement.
After trying a weekend of "Oh Crap Potty Training" with our 20-month-old, I'm thinking this is probably a gentler, better way to do it, and it's what we will be switching to when enough time has passed to erase the trauma of our weekend fiasco. That said, I have zero experience successfully potty-training a kid yet.
After trying a weekend of "Oh Crap Potty Training" with our 20-month-old, I'm thinking this is probably a gentler, better way to do it, and it's what we will be switching to when enough time has passed to erase the trauma of our weekend fiasco. That said, I have zero experience successfully potty-training a kid yet.
November 18, 2020
i’ve read a silly amount on EC considering how simple the idea is (*Give your kid the opportunity to go in a toilet instead of making them pee and shit themselves for years.* Even though that’s Way more convenient.) This book was interesting in coverage of history of potty training and medical aspect (UTIs, constipation, bed-wetting) which I hadn’t thought about much. I like the EC slant better (she doesn’t use that term) and some incidental things I thought were off (re: food and cloth diapers) but that’s just... incidental. “However, keeping a baby in cloth diapers in the first year of life is a truly enormous burden of extra work and inconvenience.” Depending on if you have a washer/dryer, not necessarily? But probably harder in 2006 than now.
November 5, 2018
Pros (for me):
- Includes history of and research on potty training
- Lays out an approach that may seem more manageable for 21st century American moms than learning to read babe's signals and starting with babe's very first meconium poop
- Advocates for working potty time into your child's daily routine
- Advocates for parents taking the time to take a hard look at their priorities and really invest time and energy in their young children
Con (for me):
- Dismissive of cloth diapering
- Uses absolutes and directives like "should" and "never" frequently
- Goes into detail about rare organic causes of enuresis (accidents) and constipation
- Includes history of and research on potty training
- Lays out an approach that may seem more manageable for 21st century American moms than learning to read babe's signals and starting with babe's very first meconium poop
- Advocates for working potty time into your child's daily routine
- Advocates for parents taking the time to take a hard look at their priorities and really invest time and energy in their young children
Con (for me):
- Dismissive of cloth diapering
- Uses absolutes and directives like "should" and "never" frequently
- Goes into detail about rare organic causes of enuresis (accidents) and constipation
January 30, 2018
I admit that I did not actually read this book in its entirety, but I think it would work really well for someone who was starting the potty training process sooner than I did (think 12 months). The idea behind this book is that you start familiarizing your baby with the potty when they are very little and it eventually just becomes natural and they use it when they are ready. We didn't start potty training until our daughter was over 2 years old and found books like "Potty Training in 3 Days" and "Oh Crap" more applicable.
April 4, 2018
Such a great resource for parents!!! It's a refreshing read on why waiting until your child is "ready" isn't necessarily the best, and only way to go, and that people have been potty training different for centuries before the advent of the disposable diaper. Definitely recommend this book for anyone having a baby, or who is looking to start potty training, even at nine months old.
February 9, 2019
Good, basic information on where to start... and possibly helpful information (too early to tell yet, as my grandbaby is just 17mos old) if there are challenges in training later on.
I won't say I learned anything really new, or enlightening, but I think the book provides good solid tips on when and how to start potty training children.
Took less than one day to read the entire book!
I won't say I learned anything really new, or enlightening, but I think the book provides good solid tips on when and how to start potty training children.
Took less than one day to read the entire book!
April 26, 2023
Some interesting info and helpful suggestions. But it's an older book and some info is pretty dated. The author also comes across as judgmental/superior at times. She also uses the justification of "that's how they did it in the past and it worked just fine for them" as an argument at one point and that really put me off.
January 26, 2025
Good information but made me feel very guilty for not potty training my child starting at like 6 months old. Not relatable for most moms who probably pick up a potty training book around the 18 month mark.
December 30, 2017
When you are a parent you get to read fun books.
August 5, 2018
The book had a lot of interesting information on the history of potty training and diapers but the book was repetitive and longer than needed to be.
January 9, 2019
Thought this was an EC book, so wasn't as useful to me now.
March 8, 2022
About 2/3 data and 1/3 practical application. Definitely some helpful tips though.
July 27, 2023
Needs more practical advice about how to implement and less preaching about things that have very tangential relation to being diaper free.
October 15, 2024
This was a fine read and had some good points. However, for being so short, there was a lot of unnecessary fluff that felt more like therapy for the author than pertinent information for parents.
September 25, 2025
Very informative
I'd recommend this to all new parents. It is very eye opening as to what our children are capable of
I'd recommend this to all new parents. It is very eye opening as to what our children are capable of
February 22, 2013
I can't recommend this book more to anyone with a child who is between 9 to 18 months of age. It has changed my life. Potty training has been a nightmare with my oldest son and when my youngest son was 15 or 16 months old, I happened upon this book in my local library. I started to read it and was intrigued by the idea that waiting till your child shows "signs of readiness" is actually a very new concept and not one that is really backed up by research or even a healthy approach for your child. The book starts with a history of potty training, both in America and in other cultures. Seemed well researched with plenty of scientific journals used as references. She also discusses the issues of urinary tract infections and constipation which was very enlightening (although not the most pleasant of reading at night). The following parts of the book laid out the 3 stages of training. I told myself I wouldn't judge the method until I gave it at least 4-6 weeks. Admittedly, I was very frustrated at first because it seemed like there was no discernable pattern to my son's voiding and he seemed to have no awareness of going or sitting in wet training pants at all (much like I experienced with my older son). He went through 7-10 cotton training pants a day for a number of weeks and it did require a huge amount of patience on my part. But the day before my time was up to re-evaluae the method, everything started to click for him. Today, less than 2 months after starting the training, he stayed dry all day and is very aware of peeing and the whole process. He has yet to tell me he has to go before it happens so at this point I am responsible for getting him to the potty very frequently. But I have every hope and expectation that he will be reliably dry before or by his 2nd birthday (6 months away). I have also tried the approach with my almost-4-year-old and have finally been having success with him as well. And it's no longer tinged with frustration and exasperation. All done in a loving, supportive manner.
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