Freeing Your Child from Anxiety, Revised and Updated Edition: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--F

by Tamar E. Chansky

Childhood should be a happy, carefree time. Yet too many children are stressed-out and exhibiting symptoms of anxiety. In "Freeing Your Child from Anxiety," childhood anxiety expert Dr. Tamar Chansky shares a proven approach for helping children build emotional resilience for a happier and healthier life.
Parents everywhere want to know: What is normal? How can you know when stress has crossed over into a full-blown anxiety disorder? How can you prevent anxiety from taking root? And how do you help your son or daughter break free from a pattern of fear and worry and lead a happy, productive life? Fortunately, anxiety is very treatable, and parents can do a lot to help get their children's emotional well-being back on track.
"Freeing Your Child from Anxiety" contains easy, fun, and effective tools for teaching children to outsmart their worries and take charge of their fears. This revised and updated edition also teaches how to prepare children to withstand the pressure in our competitive test-driven culture. Learn the tips, techniques, and exercises kids need to implement the book's advice right away, including "How to Talk to Your Child" sections and "Do It Today" activities at the end of each chapter. These simple solutions can help parents prevent their children from needlessly suffering today--and ensure that their children have the tools they need for a good life tomorrow.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Counselling, Self Help, Audiobook, Mental Health

ebook

First published March 30, 2004

About the author

AKA Tamar Ellsas Chansky

Reviews

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hard for me to judge this book completely because it didn't really suit our needs.

My almost 7 year old daughter has issues with very specific anxious thoughts. She is in particular worried about poison or poisonous things, like she worries about someone touching a poisonous mushroom. She is an anxious kid in general about things that she is unsure about, but socially she is very happy and well-adjusted.

I've talked to my daughter's pediatrician and teacher about these issues, and my daughter's doctor recommended this book. While I took some useful advice from it, most of the book really didn't pertain to us or had situations much more severe than what we deal with. I got a few good ideas, but not enough to justify reading the whole thing.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't give five stars lightly (lol because my reviews MATTER) but this book is seriously amazing. I would recommend it to any parent who is concerned about their child's anxiety.

The author, a licensed psychologist and the founder of the Children's and Adults' Center for OCD and Anxiety, gives real, practical tools that parents can use to determine whether their child's anxiety is normal or problematic, and then provides tools parents can use to help their child overcome that anxiety. And honestly, the tools she describes (especially the ones for teenagers) would probably be equally effective for adults!

Dr. Chansky also discusses treatments such as CBT and medication, and when they're effective and when they are not. The information is presented clearly and non-judgmentally, and is easily accessible even to a non-scientist like me.

It's an incredibly useful and helpful book. I give it ALL the stars!

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent. I love that it avoids psycho-babble. It is written in normal people language and gives people the practical words and specific activities and conversations that can be helpful to children who are suffering from anxiety. This is such an important tool for parents. I think a lot of times when kids are showing strange behaviors, parents are handed medication or they are told the work needs to be done in therapy, but they aren’t given tools to help support their child and so they feel stuck and afraid. This book is empowering and helpful.

It is very comprehensive, taking time to address anxiety in general and then every specific anxiety disorder. The author is incredibly knowledgeable, compassionate, and hopeful.

[Karissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really great place to start. After reading (and skipping through many chapters that didn’t apply to our situation) I am excited to read Freeing Your Child From OCD. I appreciated the straight forward way this was written and organized. It was easy to digest and work through. The author was incredible encouraging and optimistic and did a wonderful job making me feel less alone and confident in the ability to treat childhood anxiety conditions.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was extremely helpful in tackling some of my daughter Julia's anxiety. They gave some great practical tips like having a worry time set aside, helping Julia to find her own solutions to her worry, giving the worry a name like the worry bug, differentiating between what she thinks will happen and what she feels will happen, and bullying the worry but telling it things like, "I'm safe, I know my Mom will pick me up, stop telling me she isn't coming." Another helpful one was also A Grandpa suggestion to write down the worry and then write down the outcome of what happens later. It was so insightful to me to be able to get a better grip of what is going on inside her head when the worry starts. I think this book would help anyone with a family struggling with any kind of worry and anxiety issues. I skimmed some of the other chapters that I felt didn't apply as much, but then started to remember my son's Phobia of bridges, so it was helpful for many members of the family.

My only wish was that the book would have had a quick sum up at the end of each chapter so that I could look back and reference ideas they had when I need them in a jam.

[Laurian · Rating 3 out of 5]

My oldest suffers from anxiety and hyperactivity. While I wasn't looking for a book to talk about both, I felt like this book only presented a look at anxiety as it fits nicely within general disorders. The book does have a section where it talks about other disorders that are similar to anxiety, but doesn't really talk about how when you have one disorder you are likely to have others. I would have preferred that this book be framed around particular behaviors, why they exist, and how to manage them; instead the book is framed around different kinds of anxiety disorders.

I did like the overall premise of the book - the framework for responding to a child who has anxiety. That has helped and continues to help. I find myself asking more questions rather than talking over the anxiety. That said, there didn't seem to be anything in here about how to deal with the child who has been screaming and crying for 45 minutes because they saw a spider. How do you cope in those moments? Those moments are real for parents with kids with anxiety and this book didn't scratch the surface for how to deal with those really traumatic events. You can't turn into Socrates when you child isn't able to control themselves physically because of phobias.

Overall, a good starter. I would have preferred something more real.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the illustrations of tactics to work through with my child. I have begun this work & my child has asked when we will do more with it which is a wonderful sign that he is willing to accept that this is what is going on in his mind and that he really does need help with it. The information presented seemed common sense & easy to implement. See my updates below for my more specific take-aways. Also, one does not need to read the book entirely, I only read the sections that pertained to my son's specific needs.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be completely honest I just skimmed this book - looking for what would fit for us. My daughter struggles a bit with anxiety and from this book I did find some helpful hints. However, most of this book deals with situations that are much more extreme that what I was looking for advice on.

[Ashlee Haddan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really really good and comprehensive book with tons of tips and tricks for a worried mind. Even if your child only has anxiety about something small, I’d suggest reading this book.

[Iris Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this book didn’t apply to me or my child’s situation, but I still found it overall helpful in helping kids deal with their worries and separation anxiety. It was helpful to get descriptions of different kinds of anxiety and when it becomes a more serious problem, as well as stories that depict real children’s struggles. It’s definitely long and repetitive (maybe just read the sections that apply to your family’s situation) but I found it to be a helpful framework for my child and even myself.

[Ashley Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book, whether for your child or yourself. The Author Tamar E. Chansky is a certified Psychiatrist. She does a great job at explaining the different types of anxiety, what they mean, and how to cope. Everything is laid out in a manner that could help anyone from birth to 160 years of age. All suggestions are adaptable and she provides examples on how to do just that. Well worth the read whether you have anxiety or know someone who does.

[Michelle Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains a substantial amount of useful information.
Although it was quite repetitive and very long, new knowledge is always a bonus when it comes to reading and learning of ever changing research and skills regarding anxiety.

Such a hard book to rate. I typically throw 5 stars to any book with great takeaways but this one was just a little too bland for me and not a whole lot of new information to keep in my back pocket.

3 stars ⭐️

[Pascale · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this many years ago, and it has come handy on many occasions!

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

work read: 4.5. great book for parents especially if they have a diagnosis or have a child with severe symptoms. only downside is it is outdated a bit... still referencing the DSM 4. latest update was 2014... still great tools and idea but I wish it would be updated with more current info.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good strategies. And most importantly, very skimmable. It's easy to get the gist from the first couple chapters and then go looking for what you're interested in.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 for content, not for enjoyment. Extremely helpful book for both myself and my kids, but it's not a fun read by any stretch of the imagination.

[Denise DiFalco · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tamar E. Chansky's book, Freeing Your Child from Anxiety Revised & Updated Edition loudly proclaims the mind over matter approach. Although there are many rewarding benefits to teaching your children to be positive and to have courage in the wake of panic disorder; I know that it is just not that simple or realistic. I beg to differ from the writer on a number of stances. As a recovering agoraphobic I am still on a very small amount of anti-anxiety medication to keep the attacks at bay. Ms. Chansky regards medication as a quick fix to be used only on a short term basis. Please note here that it is imperative a psychiatrist make such determination and prescribe the appropriate medication for each individualized case. Family doctors are not equipped with all the knowledge about anxiety disorder. From my personal experience, medication alone will not resolve the deep seated issues relative to panic disorder. The best resolution for long term success is cognitive therapy along with medication. Group therapy does wonders in supporting individuals with this affliction. The author of the above book also downplays the significance that genetic's play in diagnosing anxiety disorder. She believes that panic is a physiological response yet it is included in the DSM III manual of Mental Disorders. My argument here being that for years depressed people have been told that if they only change their thoughts by those ignorant to the complexity of chemical imbalances in the brain. This way of thinking is regarded among those who are have no clue about mental disorders and has made it near impossible to go beyond the stigma that still exists today. My father suffered from anxiety and panic disorder his adult life and by choice he never sought treatment. I after struggling with housebound agoraphobia for four years found an amazing psychologist who was willing to do housecalls until I was confident enough to get to his office. Within two years of therapy and medication I was able to make a 180 degree and live a normal life. I went back to college and made it on the Dean's list followed by a rewarding career. I also now take solo trips around the United States. My daughter was recently diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia and she has began treatment. None of us had any symptoms until we were in our early twenties which for me discounts this book largely on the fact that children are way too young to appropriately be diagnosed with anxiety disorder due to their bodies are still changing. My review would give this new book a C+ in grading. Tamar Chansky Ph.D. enlighten's the audience with the meanings of different anxiety disorders and I am impressed with the support victims receive through family members as outlined in this book. I was given the opportunity to review for Blogging for Books. To learn more about the author

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

My daughter’s pediatrician recommended this book when I talked to her about helping Ellie with her anxiety.

I now feel more equipped to be Ellie’s coach when she is struggling with various anxieties, though currently she is not struggling as much.

I purchased a copy of this book so that I can have it on-hand as a reference in the future. (A good portion of the book is dedicated to specific disorders that aren’t applicable to us, but that’s what makes this a great resource for parents dealing with a spectrum of issues.)

What I didn’t expect to get out of the book was help with my own anxiety. The skills and techniques that you’re supposed to teach your child are skills and techniques I can use when I’m stuck on “the worry track” or when I’m “wearing worry glasses.” We may not share the same worries, but if I can get practice successfully facing my own worries I can surely be better at empathizing and helping her.

Two of my favorite quotes:

“Remember the goal: it’s not to talk your children out of their fears, its to teach them how to talk themselves through their fears. Don’t remove the hurdle, but teach them how to jump over it.” p.9

“Understanding your child’s anxiety means accepting your child for who she is. Accepting your child doesn’t mean closing the door to change, it actually is the key to opening it.” p.13

[Andre · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 starts not because the book is bad, but because the book is not particularly relevant to me. Which is a good thing.

My oldest daughter has started to be anxious about this. My wife thought it was a bigger problem, so I bought this book to learn what to do. What I learned was the my child is on the higher strung side of the anxiety equation (like dear old dad), she does not have GAD, SAD, OCD or any of the other disorders in the book. What she does seem to have trouble with is depression (again like dear old dad) but the book has nothing to say about that other than to describe how it might manifest itself. Not the author's fault, the book isn't about depression, it's about anxiety.

Still the general approach to tackling issues and the specific exercises in the GAD chapter will come in handy. Now I just have to get my wife to read those chapters.

Read this book if you think your child might have bigger problems than just "she worries too much." The best outcome is that you'll discover there is nothing much to worry about (see what I did there?). In the worst case the material in the book will be there to help you understand the problem and how to work with your child to help them deal with the issue.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this on audio because I wasn't sure I would be able to get myself into the proper headspace to set down and read the physical book. The downside to this was that it was difficult to skip sections that I didn't need and search for the ones that specifically applied to my child's diagnosis.

I do think that I gained some good knowledge of ways to talk to my child about her anxiety. However, the book had nothing real to say about how to handle things when your anxious child completely shuts down, forgets her coping techniques, and can't be reasoned with because something has triggered her badly enough that she becomes unresponsive. An ounce of prevention and all that, sure, but more about the meltdowns would have been great.

[PeggyVW · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is THE best book for helping parents (and caregivers, teachers, counselors, siblings) with kiddos who struggle with anxiety. As a school counselor working with K-8th graders, I have recommended this book since I first read it a few years ago.

If kids understand what’s happening in their brain and body (and why) then it’s less mysterious, less frightening, and much easier to work towards growth and progress. They can more readily confront and manage their anxiety without letting it define who they are.

This book includes an incredible wealth of insights, tools & strategies. It's truly the best resource I've seen to help adults and children understand that the goal isn't to make the anxiety disappear, but to change their response to it.

[Kristylemmon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far the best book I have read about anxiety in children. My daughter has had 2 bouts of OCD that scared the living daylights out of me. In general, she is a bit anxious, but she has moved past the debilitating symptoms for which I am extremely grateful. I wish I had this book back then. But I found it extremely helpful for learning to deal with my own anxiety. I have already started using some of her techniques (i.e. relabeling worry thoughts as coming from the *worry brain*) and my kids have responded really positively to it. She covers the gamut of anxiety disorders in a very understandable and practical way. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

[Susan]

This was a required text for a professional development course I am currently taking. While it was a good book and I did find useful information in it, this book is written for parents, not school counselors. Therefore, I didn't get as much out of it as I had hoped. However, it is a great book for parents.

[Lekeshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great guide for parents wanting to learning about Anxiety in their children. I even found it helpful for myself and believe it could help adults. This guide offers solution options to help your child along with share stories of other children who are on a journey with anxiety. I appreciated the follow up responses from the children who have had success on their journey.

[Kylie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great resource for those with anxious children, but more of a reference book to pick and choose what you need to read and what is applicable. The things taught are pretty straight forward and a great place to start and information on when to seek professional help.

[Kim Durand · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me understand anxiety with empathy.. Very informative and would recommend 100%

[Sugarpuss O'Shea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful look at how kids with anxiety process their world, and how the adults around them can help kids alleviate their fears. Highly recommended.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this as a part of ASCA's professional development course on children with anxiety.

I first feel the need to say that the author explicitly recommends seeing a child therapist that is trained to deal with anxiety. She points out that therapy (sometimes in concert with meds) is effective. The tools and strategies she discusses in this book shouldn't be used as the sole treatment for serious anxiety. As a school counselor this is also important. I am not trained to treat anxiety. I am trained to help the child deal with anxiety in a school setting and can offer support for the child and family, but I do not do long term counseling. Referring to a qualified practitioner is key.

The book is divided into 4 parts. Part one is a basic intro. Part 2 is where the meat is at. It deals with the nuts and bolts of dealing with anxiety in children: what works, what doesn't, steps you can take, making a plan, what happens if it doesn't work at first, etc. Part 3 got pretty repetitive for me. It breaks down steps in dealing with specific types of anxiety (generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, tics, trauma, etc). The beginning of each chapter is very informative about the diagnosis, red flags to look for, what it feels like for the child, etc (all very helpful), but the rest of the chapters lay out plans for dealing with it that is basically just like the author lays out in part 2. I don't know if some of it could have been presented in graphics (since a lot of it was thoroughly explained previously) or if she could have referenced the specific pages in part 2... obviously I'm not an editor, but some of those chapters really dragged on since I had already read it. Part 4 is more nuts and bolts about general topics concerning anxiety: how to talk to your anxious child, working with the school, dealing with your own anxieties, etc.

Overall, a very good book and one that I will keep in my office!

[Kelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good ideas about equipping kids to handle their fears (vs. parents always swooping in to the rescue). Often repetitive, but that makes the main ideas stick. You could definitely dip in, read the first few chapters and then cherry-pick if you're interested in ideas for a particular struggle or diagnosis. I read the whole thing just because I was curious.

For me, God is missing, but Chansky does say that if your family is devout that your faith should be part of the conversation. I also found some of the ways she suggests talking about/to fears (silly names, etc.) a little strange. It was definitely helpful to think about fear as separate from the child - so the anxiety is the problem, not your child. I know I made my child feel criticized in the past when I was trying to help and encourage through some intense fears.

Lots to learn about brains and development and breaking big problems into smaller, manageable chunks. I wish I had had some of these strategies a few years ago when my child's fears were at all-time highs. Still, I think I'll end up applying some of these lessons moving forward.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is without question the best book I’ve found on understanding and navigating anxiety. There are so many different sections on varying ways anxiety can present so you can choose which chapters to read (it took me a long time to truly finish the book only because I had initially skipped a few chapters that didn’t apply). The author covers the science behind anxiety, offers child-friendly language to discuss it, and many examples of situations and dialogue for caregivers to use. Specific topics covered include GAD, phobias, social anxiety/mutism, separation anxiety/panic disorders, OCD/PANS, tics/Tourette’s/trichotillomania & PTSD. She covers the spectrum of each as well to determine what’s normal vs how disordered it may be. Also covers sleep issues and school refusal, sports/test performance pressure. And to top it all off, she includes strategies and dialogue for all age groups of children. I have used this book often and imagine I will continue thru the teens as well. Recommend for parents or anyone else that works with children. The only mark against it was in the title - not sure those that struggle with anxiety are ever “free” from it.