Date Expectations

by Rainbow Albrecht

By day, Jack works for a petty tyrant at a dead end job. His version of night life is beer and TV at his filthy apartment. His minimalist approach to hygiene leaves him with no social life, so he takes matters into his own hands (for once only figuratively). He gets much more than he bargained for when he answers the ad for "Simulacrum Spanish Fly" in the back of a dirty magazine...
On Thursday, Jack got a package. It was a box in a Plain Brown Wrapper, just as the ad promised. The simulacrum Spanish Fly was a brown liquid inside a small bottle with a tacky label. Jack opened the bottle and sniffed. There was no aroma, or at least none that rose above the noisome apartment's ambient funk. He held it up to the light. "Bill said it was fake, but you never know 'till you try," he muttered to himself with forced optimism. Jack took a sip to see what would happen. It tasted faintly of sassafras with a hint of lemon and ginseng, but nothing suggesting cayenne. That boosted his spirits; according to an article in Wanker , the Chinese swore by ginseng. He watched some TV, to allow it time to have effect.

ebook

First published August 4, 2014

About the author

I was a love child from the 1960s, and technically a red diaper baby. My views diverged from those of my parents pretty early on, much to the horror of my liberal mom and radicalinski dad. In fact, I most certainly enjoyed watching Red Dawn and Rambo II on the big screen. These days, I also write deplorable diatribes, mostly at my blog and at Return of Kings.

I am a (nominal) member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I do love Salt Lake City, but I’m the worst Mormon since Joseph Smith himself. My favorite watering hole in SLC is Desert Edge (I miss Natasha!), though Beerhive, Garage On Back, and Purgatory are also highly recommended. If we ever meet at once of these places, let’s knock back some brewskis, how about it? Other than that, I’m into lots of rather obscure stuff: Thelema, Distributism, linguistics (ancient Gothic for the win!), Romanian history, Russian novels, and that’s just the beginning.

I spend much of my free time on creative writing, mainly science fiction and fantasy. My flagship Space Vixen Trek series deliberately shoots for the “so bad it’s good” effect. Lately I have brought some projects to fruition, with several in the pipeline.