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403 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 2012
The girl who will give him back this illusion of vitality for a short time will not think of your children or your marriage. She will not consider the lovely years that you spent together with him. Why would she? She wasn't there when you both laughed your way through your wedding with a pure and nervous joy. She wasn't there when you both waited for your first child to be born. When he held your hand and told you how the contractions were coming, with the seriousness of a boy. . . She wasn't there when you held him upright at his father's funeral and then at his mother's only weeks later. Or for the vacations, alone at first and then with the children. Or the holidays.
When it happens to you, you will ask him why he would choose to forsake this good, sweet life that you carefully built together for a girl who couldn't begin to understand him. And then you will realize that that is at least partially the point. He doesn't want to be understood. He wants to be misunderstood because in that misunderstanding lies the possibility of reinvention.
You will go to therapy and strive to find your part in it. Your complicity. You will nod when the therapist tells you that if you do the work, you can have the marriage you always dreamed of. But I had the marriage I always dreamed of, you'll tell her. No, she will assure you. You only thought you did. You will try to make sense of this "hall of mirrors" way of looking at your life. Mostly, you will just miss the marriage that you had but didn't have.
When it happens to you, you will wonder if he loved her. He will assure you that he did not, that it wasn't about love. He will tell you that it was about something else entirely. But even in your quietest moments together, he will be unable to specify what that something else was. He will honestly seem as confused as you, even to the point of bewilderment.Very well written book. Highly recommend, particularly to both men and women who have been married for a few years.