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Surviving an Unwanted Divorce: A Biblical, Practical Guide to Letting Go While Holding Yourself Together – The Perfect Christian New Year's Resolution Gift
Lysa TerKeurst, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, and Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress, hosts of the Therapy & Theology podcast, help readers understand what the Bible says about how to survive the death of a marriage while pursuing wholeness and healing.
Divorce brings grief, shock, anger--and many soul-deep questions. When New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst experienced the painful and unwanted death of her marriage after nearly thirty years, she didn't know who to turn to or what would actually help her move forward. She needed to get her bearings on what the Bible really says about marriage and divorce. She also needed the tools to get to the other side and see that life doesn't end when your marriage ends.
Now, in Surviving an Unwanted Divorce, Lysa, alongside theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress, offers that resource to readers, answering the toughest questions people have about the journey through divorce such as
Does God actually hate divorce?What Scriptures do I need to know and correctly interpret as I process the death of my marriage?How will I know when it's time to make the painful choice to get a divorce?How can I let go . . . and still hold myself together?What do I do about my fears, sadness, and loneliness?How can I come to a place of wholeness and healing so my brokenness doesn't trickle out to other relationships?How do I move forward?
No matter where readers find themselves in their journey--whether they are contemplating divorce, in the middle of one, or still trying to recover years after--this is the book they've been looking for. Surviving an Unwanted Divorce offers biblically based, practical strategies for growing in faith and self-awareness as one season of life ends . . . and another hope-filled season begins.
Divorce brings grief, shock, anger--and many soul-deep questions. When New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst experienced the painful and unwanted death of her marriage after nearly thirty years, she didn't know who to turn to or what would actually help her move forward. She needed to get her bearings on what the Bible really says about marriage and divorce. She also needed the tools to get to the other side and see that life doesn't end when your marriage ends.
Now, in Surviving an Unwanted Divorce, Lysa, alongside theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress, offers that resource to readers, answering the toughest questions people have about the journey through divorce such as
Does God actually hate divorce?What Scriptures do I need to know and correctly interpret as I process the death of my marriage?How will I know when it's time to make the painful choice to get a divorce?How can I let go . . . and still hold myself together?What do I do about my fears, sadness, and loneliness?How can I come to a place of wholeness and healing so my brokenness doesn't trickle out to other relationships?How do I move forward?
No matter where readers find themselves in their journey--whether they are contemplating divorce, in the middle of one, or still trying to recover years after--this is the book they've been looking for. Surviving an Unwanted Divorce offers biblically based, practical strategies for growing in faith and self-awareness as one season of life ends . . . and another hope-filled season begins.
160 pages, Hardcover
Published November 11, 2025
159 people are currently reading
125 people want to read
About the author
Lysa TerKeurst
143 books33.2k followersLysa TerKeurst is President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is also an 8x New York Times’ bestselling author of I Want to Trust You, but I Don't, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, Uninvited and more. Her devotional Embraced won the ECPA book of the year for 2019. Lysa was also recently awarded the Champions of Faith Author Award and has appeared on the Today Show many times as one of the leading voices in the Christian community.
Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at events all across North America and online, including the Global Leadership Network. She also tours state-to-state regularly with TPR. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God’s glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries’ annual She Speaks Conference and her writer training program called COMPEL Pro. Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at lysaterkeurst.com.
Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at events all across North America and online, including the Global Leadership Network. She also tours state-to-state regularly with TPR. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God’s glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries’ annual She Speaks Conference and her writer training program called COMPEL Pro. Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at lysaterkeurst.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
December 9, 2025
*Audiobook
“When things were falling apart with my marriage, I felt like I’d been in the equivalent of a serious head on collision and desperately needed to go to the emergency room. The intensity of the pain and the severity of the trauma made it seem like I was emotionally bleeding out. After all, a part of me had just been severed, cut off, ripped apart. If my injuries had of been physical someone would have called 911 and the ambulance workers would have attempted to stabilise me and get me to the hospital. The ER trauma doctors would have known what to do to get my pain under control and take me into surgery to fix what had been severed... But there wasn’t that level of care and help immediately available to me with the emotional trauma I was experiencing. No doctor could surgically fix my broken heart.”
I highly highly recommend this as a read to understand and care well for those going through a divorce, or in order to participate helpfully in conversations surrounding divorce. As Jim Cress says, ‘people are down on what they’re not up on’ and divorce is something so many are ‘down on’ because they are not equipped with correct biblical theology, often resulting in ‘elevating the institution of marriage above the image bearers of Christ’.
The authors mourned divorce, whilst clearly explaining the biblical reasons for leaving destructive (rather than difficult) marriages and showed how God has always cared for the victims of divorce throughout history. An incredible combination of biblical theology and pastoral wisdom alongside the personal and heartbreaking experience of Lysa.
I particularly loved the wisdom on forgiveness, and encouragement that forgiveness is ongoing. The call to be obedient to God and forgive the ‘fact’ of what happened, and to forgive again each time the impact of what happened is felt long into the future. “And whatever my feelings will not yet allow for in this moment, the blood of Jesus will surely cover it.”
An incredible, raw, soothing, gentle and honest book with so many pearls of wisdom.
“When things were falling apart with my marriage, I felt like I’d been in the equivalent of a serious head on collision and desperately needed to go to the emergency room. The intensity of the pain and the severity of the trauma made it seem like I was emotionally bleeding out. After all, a part of me had just been severed, cut off, ripped apart. If my injuries had of been physical someone would have called 911 and the ambulance workers would have attempted to stabilise me and get me to the hospital. The ER trauma doctors would have known what to do to get my pain under control and take me into surgery to fix what had been severed... But there wasn’t that level of care and help immediately available to me with the emotional trauma I was experiencing. No doctor could surgically fix my broken heart.”
I highly highly recommend this as a read to understand and care well for those going through a divorce, or in order to participate helpfully in conversations surrounding divorce. As Jim Cress says, ‘people are down on what they’re not up on’ and divorce is something so many are ‘down on’ because they are not equipped with correct biblical theology, often resulting in ‘elevating the institution of marriage above the image bearers of Christ’.
The authors mourned divorce, whilst clearly explaining the biblical reasons for leaving destructive (rather than difficult) marriages and showed how God has always cared for the victims of divorce throughout history. An incredible combination of biblical theology and pastoral wisdom alongside the personal and heartbreaking experience of Lysa.
I particularly loved the wisdom on forgiveness, and encouragement that forgiveness is ongoing. The call to be obedient to God and forgive the ‘fact’ of what happened, and to forgive again each time the impact of what happened is felt long into the future. “And whatever my feelings will not yet allow for in this moment, the blood of Jesus will surely cover it.”
An incredible, raw, soothing, gentle and honest book with so many pearls of wisdom.
November 24, 2025
Kindle and Audiobook
This book opened my eyes to biblical and emotional truths. It’s written for Christian women facing an unwanted divorce, going through one, or still healing from one, as well as anyone who cares about someone in one of those stages. There is practical advice from a Christian counselor, tools one can use to help in a journey toward healing. And the theology portions were particularly good. I will read through this book again.
This book opened my eyes to biblical and emotional truths. It’s written for Christian women facing an unwanted divorce, going through one, or still healing from one, as well as anyone who cares about someone in one of those stages. There is practical advice from a Christian counselor, tools one can use to help in a journey toward healing. And the theology portions were particularly good. I will read through this book again.
December 30, 2025
Lysa read me to filth, what else is new?
Tbh tho I wish this had a different title and/or cover. Girl is spilling my business to everyone in the airport
Tbh tho I wish this had a different title and/or cover. Girl is spilling my business to everyone in the airport
November 25, 2025
Listened Via Audiobook
Chapters 2, 3, & 4 are worth relistening to for a theological education
Chapters 2, 3, & 4 are worth relistening to for a theological education
November 15, 2025
I would double the rating if I could. I have no words to describe the peace and strength this book gave me.
November 21, 2025
I enjoy this author's work. I love how she takes what's current and speaks about it using faith, prayer, and scripture.
In her latest book, she writes openly about her divorce. By sharing her own experiences and her journey toward healing, she reaches out to support others who may be walking through something similar.
Her words often felt like a warm hug. I also apprecieated the addition of two other voices she added to the mix: a counselfor and a theologian. Their perspectives complemented the author's message and added depth to the theme of surviving difficult seasons in life.
The title captures the heart of the book perfectly: Surviving an Unwanted Divorce. Still, I found myself wondering at times, "Would these reflections feel as comforting if the divorce had been wanted?"
Overall, there is plenty of food for thought here. I read this to help my sister through her own divorce. I'm looking forward to sharing this with her. So 5 stars for what this could be to those going through similar circumstances.
In her latest book, she writes openly about her divorce. By sharing her own experiences and her journey toward healing, she reaches out to support others who may be walking through something similar.
Her words often felt like a warm hug. I also apprecieated the addition of two other voices she added to the mix: a counselfor and a theologian. Their perspectives complemented the author's message and added depth to the theme of surviving difficult seasons in life.
The title captures the heart of the book perfectly: Surviving an Unwanted Divorce. Still, I found myself wondering at times, "Would these reflections feel as comforting if the divorce had been wanted?"
Overall, there is plenty of food for thought here. I read this to help my sister through her own divorce. I'm looking forward to sharing this with her. So 5 stars for what this could be to those going through similar circumstances.
November 30, 2025
While I haven't personally been through a divorce, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I listened to the audiobook, which features Lysa, Joel, and Jim narrating their own sections. This book is a must-read for any Christian trying to make sense of Scripture around divorce. There is strong theology and cultural context, as well as therapy tools and explanations, while gently meeting the felt needs of a heartbroken reader trying to make sense of her circumstances. The personal stories helped me see where those going through a divorce might struggle with the most, and how I can help them to see Jesus in such a disorienting, discouraging season. For anyone looking further than this book, I would recommend listening to the authors' Therapy and Theology podcast.
Read
December 11, 2025 I am single and no where near divorce but this was an interesting book. I like having the counselor and theologically parts included in this book.
It’s a very niche and targeted book audience.
It’s a very niche and targeted book audience.
July 21, 2025
What a wonderful book. So full of theological and psychological information for those going through a divorce. Written from a very conversational tone which makes the information more easily retainable. Definitely gave me a better understanding of God's view of marriage and my response to those going through such a horrible time in their lives.
I was given a complimentary copy of this book from netgalley. All opinions are solely mine. I was not required to write a review.
I was given a complimentary copy of this book from netgalley. All opinions are solely mine. I was not required to write a review.
July 21, 2025
My divorce was 3.5 years ago, and I still find this book helpful now. If it had been available in the first or second year after my divorce, it would have been even more useful. Lysa's words are so validating - she understands exactly how you think and feel. I like how she compared an unwanted divorce to a traumatic accident, for which you would need emergency surgery. That's exactly how it felt for me, yet no one other than other divorced people understood that. She doesn't sugarcoat anything, but gently guides you into clearer, saner thoughts in the middle of your horrible trial. I appreciated Joel's explanations of Bible passages that can be challenging to read when the heaviness of divorce crushes your heart. They helped me see God's truth in new, encouraging ways. Also, Jim's tender counseling provided insight and practical guidance, especially in starting to forgive. In my current stage of divorce recovery, the motives for forgiveness that Lysa provided spoke to me and provided an action plan. This is an excellent resource for women going through divorce, and also a great gift for someone experiencing divorce. It would be a good resource for Christian counselors and divorce care ministries.
November 23, 2025
Surviving an Unwanted Divorce: A Biblical, Practical Guide to Letting Go While Holding Yourself Together is the newest self-help book by bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst. In addition to sharing her experiences from a failed 30-year marriage, there are sections by theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress.
She offers insights about what the Bible really says about marriage and divorce and valuable advice for staying spiritually strong while experiencing marital difficulties. Her message is presented in an easy to understand, loving but firm tone, like from a loving aunt. The guidance is very practical and helpful, while emphasizing Christian principles. Her openness about her own struggles makes her advice more relatable, particularly when it involves actions that are harder to do.
Surviving an Unwanted Divorce should be added to all church libraries and read by everyone who performs Christian counseling. It’s also a wonderful resource for close friends and family members of people whose marriages are ending, as they often provide support and encouragement. It’s the most practical guide that I’ve read on this topic.
I received an advance review copy (ARC) from NetGalley and Nelson Books for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
She offers insights about what the Bible really says about marriage and divorce and valuable advice for staying spiritually strong while experiencing marital difficulties. Her message is presented in an easy to understand, loving but firm tone, like from a loving aunt. The guidance is very practical and helpful, while emphasizing Christian principles. Her openness about her own struggles makes her advice more relatable, particularly when it involves actions that are harder to do.
Surviving an Unwanted Divorce should be added to all church libraries and read by everyone who performs Christian counseling. It’s also a wonderful resource for close friends and family members of people whose marriages are ending, as they often provide support and encouragement. It’s the most practical guide that I’ve read on this topic.
I received an advance review copy (ARC) from NetGalley and Nelson Books for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
September 29, 2025
Surviving an Unwanted Divorce: A Biblical, Practical Guide to Letting Go While Holding Yourself Together, as a great resource for anyone affected by the loss of a marriage. We all know someone who has walked this path, maybe a friend, family member, or even ourselves, and this book is filled with so much content relevant to theological and psychological information, as it pertains to divorce. The three authors give a wide view of the impacts of divorce, the biblical view of divorce, and the need for community and support while going through the trauma lived and the ramifications of even post-divorce issues that can crop up. I especially loved the theological aspects of what God says about abuse and breaking covenant in a marriage. So much has been misconstrued in the "church" and religious circles, and this content is very validating and encouraging.
Thank you to Thomas Nelson Publishers and NetGalley for the advanced review copy. All opinions are my own.
Thank you to Thomas Nelson Publishers and NetGalley for the advanced review copy. All opinions are my own.
July 31, 2025
As a female pastor in an evangelical space, I'm grateful for such a well constructed resource for those going through an unwanted divorce. The paring of Lysa TerKeurst's personal experience and empathy, Joel Muddamale's skillful yet approachable biblical exegesis, and Jim Cress's counseling expertise create a space for guidance and healing in the midst of a traumatic life experince. Much damage has been done within the capital "C" church related to what God's word says or doesn't say about divorce, much to the detriment of the well being and safety of many women and in part, this book speaks to those thought processes. The direct but compassionate language in this book coupled with practical methods of processing such an event is helpful. Whether you are in the midst of an unwanted divorce, know someone who is, or simply want to understand more, this book is for you. Highly recommend!
November 30, 2025
so grateful for this books existence ❤️ I wish I would have had it three years ago navigating my own unwanted divorce. truly such a beautiful resource for those walking through this difficult journey.
Fave quotes: “By trying to protect our marriage, I wound up not protecting myself. There are no free secrets. They all have a cost, an impact, a toll they take on their keeper.”
“You can’t bring into order someone who is constantly drawn to chaos.”
“You are worth laying down the defeating statement of ‘I am not enough’ and replacing it with ‘I became more than he deserved.’”
“You cannot be the external solution to someone else’s internal problem.” 🔥
“Listen and silent have the same letters.”
Fave quotes: “By trying to protect our marriage, I wound up not protecting myself. There are no free secrets. They all have a cost, an impact, a toll they take on their keeper.”
“You can’t bring into order someone who is constantly drawn to chaos.”
“You are worth laying down the defeating statement of ‘I am not enough’ and replacing it with ‘I became more than he deserved.’”
“You cannot be the external solution to someone else’s internal problem.” 🔥
“Listen and silent have the same letters.”
December 3, 2025
It's hard to put into words what something like this means to a space of women who, for decades, have been told the opposite of what is demonstrated in this book. Lysa's careful touch of understanding, the practical exercises my own therapist has gone through with me, and the theological knowledge Dr. Joel Muddamalle provides are top-notch. I feel like I have walked thousands of miles with Lysa through all of her books but this one was much needed in a time that the world seems to be coming away from me.
She never glorifies divorce and makes it seem like everyone should do it, but comes along side us with her own very public divorce to say "Its not how its supposed to be, but it is unfortunately".
She never glorifies divorce and makes it seem like everyone should do it, but comes along side us with her own very public divorce to say "Its not how its supposed to be, but it is unfortunately".
November 23, 2025
I loved this book as it was very empowering; my only critique is I wish it was gender neutral.
Here is why:
Recently we have seen a cultural shift in the Church where women are leaving in droves and subsequently their marriages. This is my currently reality. I needed this to begin to help process my unexpected divorce that my now ex wife initiated and pursued. While I am early in the healing process I found this book to be another tool to help me move forward and pick up the pieces of my shattered reality. It is not easy but I feel, if only slightly, that God has more in store for me and I am going to have future that is redeemed through Him.
Here is why:
Recently we have seen a cultural shift in the Church where women are leaving in droves and subsequently their marriages. This is my currently reality. I needed this to begin to help process my unexpected divorce that my now ex wife initiated and pursued. While I am early in the healing process I found this book to be another tool to help me move forward and pick up the pieces of my shattered reality. It is not easy but I feel, if only slightly, that God has more in store for me and I am going to have future that is redeemed through Him.
November 19, 2025
A must read!
Lysa's book met me right where I was stuck, acceptance. My marriage ending mirrors hers in so many ways. Although I wish I had these words of wisdom a few years ago, I wouldn't have experienced the transformation this book helped me with, as I wouldn't have been able to hear it the same. This process of healing is a long road and I am thankful for the wisdom Lysa can provide.
Lysa's book met me right where I was stuck, acceptance. My marriage ending mirrors hers in so many ways. Although I wish I had these words of wisdom a few years ago, I wouldn't have experienced the transformation this book helped me with, as I wouldn't have been able to hear it the same. This process of healing is a long road and I am thankful for the wisdom Lysa can provide.
December 12, 2025
Read for clients/research. Pleasantly surprised at how healthy it is and balanced. I especially appreciated the two theologically heavy chapters with Joel. Some of the book, such as the chapter on why God allows suffering, repeated spiritual platitudes and conservative theology of suffering, which I found unhelpful. I’m glad Lysa is reaching her very conservative audience who may have the mindset that divorce is never acceptable for any reason. I hope this book sets them free.
January 5, 2026
Thought-provoking for anyone seeking a Christian-faith based view of healing from divorce. It’s written by three people including a professional counselor. It offers some practical therapy-driven exercises throughout. Just a heads-up, though — it’s heavily written in the perspective of a woman’s side of a divorce in which the ex-husband wronged her in some way. This is not made clear from the title or synopsis.
September 20, 2025
I found this book helpful in answering some of the questions and helping name some of the feelings I have had while walking this path.
The book is written in a friendly style that makes it easy to read. The added content from Jim and Joel really add to Lysa's narrative as she guides you through the chapters.
The book is written in a friendly style that makes it easy to read. The added content from Jim and Joel really add to Lysa's narrative as she guides you through the chapters.
December 30, 2025
In the last year since filing for divorce, I have picked up so many books but the grief and depression have kept me from finishing them. This was short, deeply profound, and helped me move toward greater healing. I felt so seen as Lysa, Joel, and Jim walked through the pain, grief and theology connected to divorce.
January 11, 2026
This book pleasantly surprised me. I was online at Hobby lobby to return something during Christmas crazy me, and I found this book in the shelves that the lines were weave through. Started reading it while I was in line and decided to buy it one that I will go back and read reread often some good exercises I want to work myself through. Found reading it very validating for my situation.
November 22, 2025
oh my goodness, what a beautiful book! even if you aren't religious, this book is filled with emotional intelligence and kindness, two things that have probably been missing for you for a while if you are picking up this book. loved it
November 29, 2025
Incredible, practical, encouraging must read book!!! Once again I feel like I’m reading my life and emotions through tears on every page!! Highly recommend to those going through divorce, already divorced or know someone going through divorce. Excellent!!
November 30, 2025
A great counseling resource ❤️ I read this to be prepared for friends who may be walking through this - and it was so good. Theologically rich (I wasn’t sure of my theology of divorce before reading this) and deeply caring for the heartbreak divorce causes. 5 stars!
December 1, 2025
One of the best in this genre. Highly recommend for people who are walking through or have experienced divorce- particularly betrayal trauma. Also highly recommend as a resource for people helpers in pastoral and clinical spaces.
December 29, 2025
This book is what my soul needed to hear, even when some of the questions were hard for the heart. A great way to look at the death of a marriage through a Biblical perspective, with input from a therapist and a theologian. Lysa has nailed the issues of the heart again!
January 11, 2026
God didn't create man for marriage. We can't honor the institution of marriage over God’s people. You matter more than your marriage. Having a failed marriage doesn't make you a failure in God's eyes. You are not a failure.
December 7, 2025
3.8. Listened.
December 7, 2025
More geared towards women, but still a helpful resource for those wrestling through the ravegness
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews