Stopping to Feel: One Woman's Journey Toward Generational Healing

by S.L. Collins

Her father was her biggest supporter and greatest champion. He taught her that she was capable of anything and encouraged her to treat every day like a great adventure. He taught her about mental toughness, "mind over matter" and pushing through adversity.

But what happens when she comes face to face with the fact that much of her father's advice was "do as I say, not as I do"? What happens when "mind over matter" stops working and she's forced to actually feel her emotions?

In this honest and gripping memoir, Collins shows us how she was forced to answer these questions after her father was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2020, amidst the backdrop of a global pandemic.

Follow along as Collins shares her story about pain, forgiveness and a journey towards emotional healing.

Join her as she travels with her father on one final adventure.

282 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 13, 2025

Reviews

[Mindy Nevarez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stopping to Feel is a raw, deeply emotional memoir that resonated with me far more than I expected.

SL Collins shares an honest look at her upbringing and her complicated relationship with her father—someone who could be adventurous and heroic, yet also deeply damaging. He struggled with emotions and often ran when things became uncomfortable, and reading this made it clear how much that avoidance impacts everyone around it.

One moment that really stood out was her father taking his untrained family to climb Half Dome. Having climbed it myself, I know how intense that hike is, which made that story even more unsettling.

The book doesn’t shy away from trauma and can be triggering, but it also highlights incredible resilience—especially in SL and her sister. The sections on anxiety and OCD, from compulsive checking her backpack for her homework as a child to later in college, checking computer notes, were especially relatable and well written.

Reading about her father’s denial of his diagnosis and his unpredictable moods was heartbreaking. And it was hurtful to hear how his daughters were treated/felt like they were treated when all they wanted to do was spend time with their dad.

Through it all SL’s husband was a constant, grounding presence from the beginning and through the hospice stage—a powerful example of steady, unconditional support which she needed with having a father like she did.

Overall, this is a beautifully written memoir about trauma, mental health, family, and resilience. Highly recommend, with clear trigger warnings.

[Elisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I connected with location because it takes place near me, and I connected with the author. This story is told with love and was her journey to understanding and feeling all the things after losing her dad to cancer.
As the reader, it was a healing story for me to go on that journey with her. I haven't lost a parent yet, so it may be triggering for some, but it felt cathartic for me.
It was heavy content, but the story, like her dad, kept moving swiftly. It doesn't dwell and get weighted down.

[Jaimie Judkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down. Collins had me laughing and crying throughout this gripping story of her ups and downs with her father. A hopeful and beautiful family story of pain, sadness, and ultimately healing for future generations. Collins teaches us that no amount of striving, accomplishments, or business can fill us, but that ultimately we need to stop and do the hard work of figuring out the deeper questions of life and who we are meant to be.

[Michele Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an interesting read and exploration of a complex but loving relationship. Well done!

[Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful memoir. I could not put this book down and it made me feel all the feels! This book was so relatable to my life. I enjoyed all the Ventura County connections and I can’t recommend it enough especially to those who have lost a parent as well.

[VLTBookClub · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are books that entertain us, books that inform us, and then there are books that crack us open in the most necessary ways. S.L. Collins’ memoir “Stopping to Feel” is firmly in that last category—a raw, achingly beautiful exploration of what it means to care for a dying parent while simultaneously excavating the patterns that have shaped your entire life. It’s an honest reckoning with the messy, contradictory emotions that arise when you’re losing someone while also trying to understand how they shaped you—for better and worse. The book weaves together past and present, showing us how generational wounds get passed down and, more hopefully, how they can be healed.

What struck me most forcefully was Collins’ willingness to expose her struggles with anxiety and her difficulty in advocating for herself. These passages felt uncomfortably relatable, like she had somehow reached into my own experiences and given them language. Her examination of how she learned to silence her own feelings, to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over her own truth, will resonate with anyone who has ever swallowed their words to keep the peace. Reading about her journey towards finding her voice felt both painful and liberating.
Her recollections of specific moments—both recent and from decades past—are rendered with such vivid precision that I felt transported into the rooms where these scenes unfolded. This book made me cry. It made me smile. It made me laugh—sometimes at the darkest moments, which is exactly right because that’s how life actually works. Collins understands that grief and joy aren’t opposites but companions, that you can feel devastating loss and profound gratitude simultaneously, that healing isn’t linear and closure is often an illusion we tell ourselves.

Stopping to Feel” is more than a memoir about loss; it’s a meditation on what it means to finally stop running from your own emotions and sit with them, no matter how uncomfortable. It’s about breaking cycles. It’s about the courage it takes to feel everything fully, even when—especially when—it hurts.

[the_well_read_woman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stopping to Feel by S.L. Collins is a beautiful tribute to a complicated man, as well as a nuanced look at trauma and its generational impact. Memoir is the hardest genre to get right—you need the combination of a good, true story and enough reflection to make sense of it. Collins was able to accomplish both. Despite knowing how the story ends, the narrative compelled me forward, taking unexpected directions. She set the scene cinematically, capturing childhood moments in vivid detail and illustrating her skills as a story teller. Most importantly, the sensitive subject of parental loss was handled deftly, yielding emotions without feeling exploitive or overwrought for this sensitive reader. She paints a portrait of her father in a way that reveals his flaws while also capturing the essence of his humanity. As a counterpoint, the author also vulnerably discusses her own struggles, encouraging the reader to shed the armor we show to the world in order to connect to one another, and most especially to our loved ones. The best books allow the reader to immerse themselves in somebody else’s story, yet leave them with lessons and questions for their own lives. Stopping to Feel accomplished that goal and I will be thinking about it for a long time to come. Five star read!

Thank you to the author, a wonderful friend, for providing a copy of this book for review purposes. All opinions are my own.

[Candace Haskell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exquisite, moving and frank memoir and testimonial to a daughter's love for her complicated, adoring father. Collins shows how traumatized she was by family addiction, the attendant self-centered choices and generational trauma. Importantly, she shows how she reclaimed her ability to feel by embracing the necessary messiness of volatile, contradictory emotions during her father's untimely and yet loving passing in her home.

[Giselle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you! Thank you for your vulnerability and for putting words to grief. There is such power in letting go. I am inspired by your bravery. I am currently dealing with my own father’s deteriorating health daily and feel less shame about my own rage and complicated feelings. You’ve given us all a gift. The gift to have self compassion and love when the are no road maps or guide books on how to feel and grieve. I literally could not put this down and finished it in less than 24 hours.

[Tricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down-not just because of the powerful story, but because the writing itself was so captivating. S.L. Collins ability to reflect on her past with honesty and insight is truly inspiring. This is a memoir that will stay with me long after the last page. If you’re looking for a book that combines heart-wrenching honesty with eloquent writing, this one is a must-read!

[Berson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a true glimpse into the author’s deepest feelings about her relationship with her father. Collins shares her innermost thoughts and is bravely vulnerable throughout. Stopping to Feel makes the reader think about how they process their own grief, their complicated family dynamics, and face the fact that there’s not a lot they can control. Would recommend.

[Nicole F · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stopping to Feel is a brave and beautiful story about love and loss. It invites readers to slow down, reflect, and truly feel the weight of human connection. Touching and heartfelt, it offers lessons anyone can learn from, reminding us that healing often begins with simply allowing ourselves to feel.

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so courageous, so vulnerable and described the raw and unpredictable journey of grief well! I was inspired and impressed with the writer's hard work to grasp the depth of transformation that comes in generational healing.

[Aly Drost · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down! Collins had me both laughing and crying. A beautifully written story detailing her childhood and adult life relationship with her father. She takes us on along her journey of healing generational hurt. A stunning reminder that we all need to stop sometimes and feel.

[Mari adair · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down as I laughed and cried through Collin’s vulnerable memoir of life with her dad. Her writing honestly shows the complexities of a parent /child relationship and her journey of love, understanding, grace, forgiveness and grief.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sasha’s writing is very engaging. I didn’t want to put the book down. She describes her perfectly imperfect father and their relationship with vulnerability and love. Her story resonated with me and I was able to identify with many similarities and experiences.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very good read with so much heart. I read this expecting to view someone else’s journey, but instead found myself relating and connecting with the story. My story is drastically different, yet the connections were undeniable.

[Lindsay Monson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully Written

I could not stop reading. This was a heart wrenching read and I wanted to reach out and hug the author so many times.

[Dani Barbar · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartfelt and hard to put down read. Collins opens up with incredible vulnerability as she shares her journey through loss, forgiveness, and healing. Her storytelling is powerful and authentic.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story. Every reader will make personal connections to her story. The writing flows and makes it hard to put down. Highly recommend.

[Adriana Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was powerful, made me cry and laugh!

[Gabi Paredes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first read of the new year and just wow. Such great writing and a powerful message. It really resonated with me and I’ll be recommending it to friends and family!

[AMAO · Rating 5 out of 5]

💯💯💯💯💯

[Alycia Vreeland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hooked from the first page!
Stopping to Feel offers a compelling and insightful exploration into generational trauma. It’s a valuable read for anyone interested in understanding the nuances of mind over matter and the path to emotional freedom. The author’s vulnerability about her pain and forgiveness is refreshing as she does not shy away from taking us into her world of grief and adventure. While holding space with her father for their final crusade she discovers when her father is diagnosed with terminal cancer she actually has to feel her emotions.
This was a very relatable book and so well written!